Veronica

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Veronica
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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Wed Nov 27, 2019 4:27 am

Yes it was!!
I was so happy in bed with my books
And then I watched on dvd part of my all time favorite show Blue Planet which I found out on Monday has a sequel!!!!

But you know who had an even better day?

My sister

She called later at night to ask my help writting up a diet and excersize and herbal regime for her because the oncologist said the surgery to remove the colon et al tgat had burst had taken out all the cancer and she is pretty much cancer free!!
She is going to take a pill for six months which is some kind of chemotherapy to kill any possible cancer cells that may be floating about inside due to the force of the rupture.

I deleloped years ago a Holistic Healthcare program to help people regain balance and health in thier lives. It has six aspects, key points to educate and integrate new awarness and choices in a persons life. It even has astrology as a component but admittedly I didnt know to much about astrology when I developed the course, only that I knew deep inside that it was a keystones to overall health and finding balance and harmony.

My sister wants me to show her my course and help her stay on track. I can most enthusiasticly show her my course and write up for her a plan but her life is her iwn and its up to her to stay on track. Im just a really good cheerleader on the sidelines. I actually even do have pretty pompoms in real life and a batan and even a really cool double light saber just like in the movies.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Wed Nov 27, 2019 9:15 am

OMG

One of the books I got from the library yesterday is this

https://www.amazon.com/Underland-Deep-J ... 0393242145

All my life the right books have always show up at the right time, seemingly by magic. This book is a life changer for mankind. Wow. I am devouring it.

It deals directly to the archtypes of Saturn and Pluto with the Love that can only come from Venus and Neptune.

Here is a gleaning....
" The same 3 tasks recur across cultures and epochs
To shelter what is precious( memories, prescious matter, messages, lives)
To yield what is valuable(information, wealth, metaphors, minerals, visions)
And to dispose what is harmful (waste, trauma, poison, secrets).
Into the UnderLand we have long placed that which we fear and wish to lose and that which we love and wish to save."

Spellbinding stuff here.

I dont think Pluto really means "All or Nothing" I think it means All AND Nothing.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sat Nov 30, 2019 11:29 am

There is something that I very much have locked in and have struggled to move past.

My second most angulat planet is Neptune.

My Solar Arc sun is pretty much exact 145degrees my natal Neptune. Which Ive heard is either nothing at all or very important in Cosmobiology.

I had an incident happen in my life when my Solar arc Saturn was opposite my natal Neptune. That whole transit of solar arch Saturn opposite Scorpio moon neptune and Jupiter was a very hard time for me.

Its one of those things that Id rather forget and move on but I really believe I am holding on or emeshed in those events and Until I can honestly accept it Im not able to.

I had the chance a few years ago to act and in a very real way....get payback. But I didnt. I was able in my mind and heart to justify behaviors society deems criminal and wrong.

Plus I knew then....like I did back then...that no one would believe me....that society would say I asked for it.. That Im seeking attention...that Im lying......that boys will be boys kinda thing.

I was looking at Venus Saturn Pluto and how they got one more conjunction coming up in my SSR and how in a weird way Craig is the Venus Eric is the Pluto and Jason is the Saturn. Those men are very archtypical in my life of those energies. They all have a long list of similarites too....Personal things that I wont disclose because its not nice to talk about people like that but the similarites are striking even though they seem outwardly extremely different.

Being alone and not having a sexual partner now for 2 years has made me come to value somthing that I have never had much of at all in a sexual intimate relationship and something that I now know I need. Tenderness softness slowness calmness and mindfullness. Men seem to pick up on my venus uranus aspect and get there mind right into the gutter so to speak of crazy freaky kinky hardcore pornographic gymnastics. I dont need or want any of that and Im happy to not have any sex at all if all its going to be is aggressive lustfilled domination and head games and insecurites and ego stuff.

I saw that Jupiter is coming conjunct with my Des and square my pluto and had some ideas about how to let go of things that arnt helping and all the othe blessings that that aspect could bring but I could feel that Solar arch sun on my neptune kinda saying....you got a bit of an issue here that is preventing/challenging you before you can accept that you are worth it.

I am grateful that I kept my mars in check during the time I had an opportunity to act on my inner feeling of violation disgust and fear. Astrology taught me that good people do bad things sometimes underpressure and that all people are inherently good and it is just my perception and value system that tell me otherwise. I believe that. I know that because I am a good person yet underpressure I broke that girls face and smashed Craigs glass and other things I would never plan on doing.

I know though that with this aspect of the solar arc sun to my neptune I have dried up all the need to disorient myself via alcohol or drugs or sex or food and have found a wellspring of personal joy and happiness and comfort and self acceptance that I never knew possible.

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Jupiter things

Post by Veronica » Sun Dec 01, 2019 3:13 pm

If I had a million dollars.......

Oh to dream.....
What would I do if I won a million dollars?

My father loves to play that game and talk about all the things he would do and buy ......if/when his stocks and bonds mature.

I dont like that game very much because he always ridicules my answers.....

Id found an orphanage for unloved children.....
Id buy a fleet of cars for single mothers so they could get to work
Id open a bookstore/ spititual space where seekers could explore ideas
Id build a dog shelter for old dogs whoes owners have died
I create a foundation with grant mobey so disadvantaged could get an education
Id buy all the patents on renewable energy and make them free....

My father is logic and reason and those ideas to him are not substantial or real like his...
Hed buy all of his children a home
Hed travel and gorge his senses on luxury
Hed buy a mausoleum for his and my moms internment.

Its a Jupiter dream.

My Jupiter is in Scorpio. Square my sun. Square my MC. Conjunct my Moon and Neptune. Trine my Pluto. And with the sun becomes conjunct in midpoint to my Sag. Venus. (Which is Jupiterian in nature)

Jupiter right now is closing in on being conjunct my Dec/Asc angle. From what I have come to understand from looking through my lifes charts and diaries and info about other peoples charts, this is a time, my time (as at some point in the 12 or so years it takes to go around, it is every souls turn, 4x) to expierence the blessings and bounty that this transit brings.

In my past things like, refund checks, huge discounts on products (scored a $250 necklace at 90% off and used cashback coupins so it cost me $5) money found literally on the ground, secreted cash that had been stashed and forgot-found and other things like that have happened.

Also being at the right place at the right time to enjoy the company of people I love......and for me thats the real blessing of Jupiter.

Jupiter is about acculmuation of wealth.
But it seems like my idea of wealth and what makes one wealthy is different then most.

I think deep down inside most people will agree that its not what you have but what you enjoy that brings happiness. Yet, superficially, in the drive to live and survive that truism gets pushed down and what comes up/out is the converse Saturnian drive for material things, tangible things, real things to have and show off to others as a way of saying Im sucessfull I have this I created thus out of my life and work and will and desire.

Nothing of real value comes without time and effort and work. If my father cashed in his bonds like he says and gave me a boat load of money and a house et al.....I of course would appreciate it as he worked hard for his money and took risks and valued me to want to make my life easier, but that house that he gave me would never mean the same as tge house I worked for years to save and get a good credit score and get my mortgage and pay my bills via my own personal hard work and dream.

Jupiter does its own work in transiting around our solar system. It works pushing and pulling space and time with its heavy mass and huge size. It takes energy to move. Our planets work together in a celestial dance, just so balanxed that it all comes together in what seems like magic or an invisible force and we can correctly know where each body will be in the sky. Thats a blessing and one I am grateful for.

My family do not like me alone. Single. No man. They are constantly trying to hook me up. I see this very much as a symbol of the Saturn/venus aspect in delineation meaning "disfigurement".... Its not normal or socially acceptable for a woman (in thier eyes) to be alone.
The kids at school who know the difference between Mrs. And Ms. Do not hesitate to ask why I dont have someone. They seem sad for me. I tell them I am too busy working and raising my kids to think about anything else.

But thats a lie in a way.
I think about it all the time.
I think about how and why my relationship with Craig fell apart like it did. He made me feel like I won the lottery. It was a huge Jupiterian thing for me to be with him. He could be with anybody he wants and he seemed to like to be with me, doing nothing. It was/is so easy in so many ways to love him, naturally.

Which brings me back to this idea I have in my heart that things that come to you easily, like being blessed by a benevolent God of fate, winning the lottery, inheritance, finding a lost treasure.....I kinda pashaw or devalue or feel awkward or undeserving, and reject in a way so that instead of having the winning lottery ticket I feel blessed....its almost a curse. Ive had to work hard my entire life. I worked at home and school and my jobs. Ive worked at staying fit and healthy and mentally capable and emotionally mature and nonvolatile (!hard one!). Ive never asked for a handout or anything I didnt think I deserved or earned. If I want it or need it I will work hard to get it. I dont accept gifts because....nothing is free...an accepting gufts is very much a trade and an agreement and even in some eyes seen as a debt to be repaid. I dont like endebt. If I cant afford the price right now, with all manner of things tangible an untangible, I will do with out. I need to feel empowered in my own ability to manifest my life.


If I won a million dollars and bought a thousand cars and gave them to single mothers they would not have earned them by any merit other then some socioeconomic status they were in and may very well not take care of the car and feel angry and hatefull at me for seemingly looking down on them and not believing that they could do it themselves. Even though my person motive was to be of service with my blessed funds.

People need to feel like they can do things on thier own. They definately look a gift horse in the mouth and make thier own judgement calls. If I take away those ladies right to earn thier car, to be autonomous and free to choose how thier own life unfolds I am very much in a real way imposing my will and desires and ego .......and that is never a good thing to do.

I have these aspect and placements in my birth chart that seem to be a blessing. My Aquarian Sun, my Scorpio moon seem to be a gift from heaven saying "people like you....your fun...your nice to be around..."

Its like the universe is forcing them to like me....without me having to do anything...just by existing...no work on my part...they are magnetically inclined to laugh at my jokes and smile back at my smile.
It makes me think of people like my daughter with her angular venus and all the popularity and love and affection that is laid at her feet. It feels like an aspect of Gratitude and Grace have to be fostered so as not to become Egoic, Vain, selfish, spoiled....when one has a condition that inherits such benefical stars.

As a person with an Angular Pluto I dont like doing things against my will and I dont like handouts...nobody does....but Angular Pluto kicks it up moreso so that I really am uncomfortable the idea of my natal chart seemingly forcing people to be inclinded to act/react to me soley based on our synastry.

But thats inheritance for ya.

We inherit all sorts of things. People mostly think of money or property or good looks or Grandmas china set when they think of that word. Yet its so much deeper and richer then those things.

Jupiter is likened to the Magician and to that stage in human/infant development where the babys needs are correlated with action and response. The baby is hungry, it crys, it gets fed by a source that seems benevolent and all powerful. It correlates in its mind the crying action with the need being met and feels assured in its abilty to somehow always get what it needs.

I read lots of books about magic because it always seemed to me that somehow as if by some all powerful unknown, my needs got met with very little effort. So I looked into it, magic and psychism and the like.

That seems to make many people angry and resentful and jealous and just yucky about things. Fearful as well. Fear of not being valued and loved.

Many believe that magic is getting something with out the work. Like cheating in a way. If there is a spell or charm for riches and all you have to do is follow it like a recipe and wala you have a New Jeep then it isnt fair that everyone cant wala a Jeep. Many also believe that the wala-ed Jeep is less valuable then the one earned by hard work and time and intent.

My relationship with Craig very much felt like a WaLA Jeep. I had the man I always wanted, my schoolyard crush, and he grew up to be a hardworking man, who made me laugh at everything and knew all about my hometown and just a list of silly little things that always felt like it was perfect and meant to be and made in heaven.

Without any work.
Wala my perfect mate

Nothing is free.
Everything has a price.

In so many ways I felt undeserving, not good enough for him. I saw all my flaws and imperfections and wanted him to have someone better, stronger, less emotionally swayed, better social standing and acceptance. Not some crazy woman with such an troublesome past.

Our past though is our inheritance. Our dna and genes our cultural mores and ideals and values, our bonds to our kin and our community, our perspective and point of view and belief system....All the Jupitarian Blessings that outlast the inherited Chinaset and trust funds.

Those are the real things that last and last. Shared communal identity that grounds me in the fact that I am apart of something bigger and more important then my willynilly desire for a Jeep. I mean truthfully I want want a Jeep this week but next week Tesla may unveil it's own Offroad 4x4.

Men worry about that.
They worry someone younger stronger richer prettier nicer ect ect ad nauseum will come along and the woman they have will be gone. Women it seems with thier emotional fluctuations haven't given them may reason to doubt it either.
But a man in his heart, I believe, wants/needs to feel secure that he can go to work and not worry that his mate might not be there. All those explore s going on adventures for the worlds riches and leaving thier mates at home no doubt worried about this....or we wouldnt have chasity belts in meusems.

Jupiter will be very pominate in my chart this week. Ive spent the year dealing with very opposite concepts to Jupiters blessings of accumulation of riches, Saturns excretion like process of material stuff.....and I just want to be done with it.

I have searched my soul and all my feelings and issues and troubles and faced horrible personal flaws and manners and I have earnestly tried to learn and grow and become more accepting and understanding and compassionate as well as flexible and patient. Above all though I have worked and worked to be happy. To be happy with who I am and where my life is and who I share it with. Happiness I have found, comes from a place inside where blessings and gratitude come together in some weird magnatic way into an agreement of sorts inwhich the ability to give and receive are in a perpetual flux.

Im my egoic self I say....
Ill earn it myself
Ill buy it myself
I dont want a blessing or favor
I dont want anyhand outs
I can do it myself
I begrudge and resent and spite not having my choice my freedom my liberty and having things forced on me.....

Like a synastry chart withsome that inclines them to love me without me having to do anything lovable.

I believe though from my own personal experiences and from what others have said, we always have a choice, we are always free, anything is possible.

I plan on using this time with Jupiter transiting my Dec/Asc being grateful for all my inheritances and counting all my blessings and being as happy and loving as I can because the world needs that, it needs to reminded that its the little little little things like our dna and genes and soil and laughter and snowflakes and dig hair on the couch that enrichen us as a whole and make our lives have value and meaning. Not our Jeep or our house or our books. Its ourselves and how we share ourselves with others that Matter.

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Re: Jupiter things

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Sun Dec 01, 2019 3:23 pm

Veronica wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2019 3:13 pm
Jupiter is about acculmuation of wealth.
Saturn is about the accumulation of wealth.
The retention of wealth. The holding onto, even hoarding of wealth.

Jupiter is about having what one wants when one needs it/ wants it. Spending. Even squandering.

Jupiter is having enough. Saturn is not having enough.

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Re: Jupiter things

Post by Veronica » Sun Dec 01, 2019 3:32 pm

Jupiter Sets at Dawn wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2019 3:23 pm
Veronica wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2019 3:13 pm
Jupiter is about acculmuation of wealth.
Saturn is about the accumulation of wealth.
The retention of wealth. The holding onto, even hoarding of wealth.

Jupiter is about having what one wants when one needs it/ wants it. Spending. Even squandering.

Jupiter is having enough. Saturn is not having enough.
Gotcha
Well
Like I said I have issues with it. Obviously understanding is part of that issue.
Thank you fir clarifing.

Jupiter is about having enough
But how do you have enough.....have it when you want it....if you dont acculmuate it?

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sun Dec 01, 2019 3:36 pm

Saturn is excretion
Jupiter accretion.....increase in size by external addition.

I was thinking along those lines and thought acculmuation meant the same...its similar but slightly different.

I did mean " increase in size"

Poor word choice on my behalf thank you for showing the distinction

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:26 pm

Would it be fair to say that Jupiter is like the waxing moon and Saturn the Wanning?

Jupiter is growing towards fullness....
Where as Saturn is growing away from fullness

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:29 pm

Well, yeah, but my point is Saturn is accumulation. Riches piled in a cavern guarded by a dragon. So you'll have enough when you get old.
Saturn is guarding your hoard.
Jupiter is flinging money out of the carriage to the hoards of people.
or, you know, handing a store card for $20 you just bought to the person in line behind you with the two really cute and well-behaved (i.e. carefully watched) little kids because she's adding up what's in her cart a second time. Preferably in June, not "the holiday season" because yuck holiday season.

And yes, I'd agree with the comparison with the waxing and waning moon.

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background moon

Post by Veronica » Wed Dec 04, 2019 5:32 pm

So, If my calculations are correct this Friday will be the day when my SSR for this year will be 4/5th over. it will be the day when The Midhaven angle will have completed one full rotation and be back where it began at the beginning of this year. The Midhaven angle is about the self and how the self relates to self the identity of a person, usually pertaining to public identity and authority.

Hence this date is a threshold to be crossed and a great time to reflect and consider all that has gone on during the year.

From what I can tell, and please correct me if I am wrong the transiting aspects and angularities for that day are:

T Mercury conjunct the Acs 0’12
T Neptune opposite Midhaven 5’06
T Mars Opposite Uranus 8’09 (wide I know but I really like this aspect)
T Venus trine Midhaven 2’05
T sun square Midhaven 3’10
T sun square Neptune 1’56
T moon square Venus 5’21 and Jupiter 6’45
T Jupiter trine Uranus 2’21
And Saturn is still conjunct Pluto at 3’03 and Venus is kinda tagged in much wider to them both.
So that’s is what is going on in the sky for the most part, with lots of other much wider and less influential aspects going on but I think that’s the crust of what that day is.
Now the synastry between my natal chart and that day gives this:
T Jupiter opposite my Asc 0’28
My Sun square T Asc 4’27
My Venus trine T Midhaven 4’28
My Jupiter square Midhaven 5’21
My mars conjunct t sun 3’21
My Jupiter trine T moon 2’04
My Uranus trine moon 3’54
My Venus conjunct t Venus 2’23
My Uranus square T Venus .52
My Saturn opposite T Mars 6’
My Pluto square T Jupiter 1’02
And of course there is the ongoing natal mars being square by transiting Neptune.

I realize that we do not usually list the angles that wide because they are not as strong and the trines are like a smooth flow and less noticeably discerned, but I do notice little things and I think they add a more detailed picture.

The Strongest aspects are the Venus to Venus
The Jupiter to Pluto and the Venus to Uranus
As well as the Mercury on the angle.

It is the Mercury on the angle that has led me to a very strong turning point right now, which I feel as the Jupiter to Pluto aspect of letting go of things that are no longer serving me which is then tied strongly into the Venus to Venus aspect.

I do note that I do not seem to have a strong moon aspect at all, even though this morning I did have a very emotional moment, but I am going to say that, that moment was actually part of the Neptune to Mars aspect as well as the returning of transiting Venus to my natal Venus and then once again, like on my birthday last year, conjunct Saturn ad Pluto. This year though there is some nice space between all that and the momentum seems to have provided a frame to really express what that type of cosmic event has on a woman like me with my specific natal chart.

This point in time has brought to me a very deep and profound understanding of my nature and how it has progressed over time. Its funny in a way because it feels like for a few years now I have been following a bread crumb trail to get to this point. It probably has been more like my whole life has been following such a trail to this point. As most of my life I have lived very much to be of service to others in need, to the denial of my own needs-the desires and appetites of my Moon.

In the past few weeks I have spent time thinking about my moon and its scorpioness and how I really really like Taurus moons, I read the summary’s for all the moons and when ever I get to Taurus I am always stuck by the beauty and softness and seemingly fat and round and happy ideal that pops into my head. I’ve thought about if I had a different moon, what would I be like, and I always wonder mostly about Taurus, which is my opposite side and when the moon is on my demi lunar returns. I do wonder what that would be about. There is of course beauty and love and nurturing in all moon signs, the moon is the most beautiful and nurturing and loving luminary and She blesses everyone with her presence, what a horrible thing to not have a moon sign, you cant even imagine it because it isn’t possible, we all have that nurturing soothing calming motherly love inside of us because we all have the moon.

There has always been something about my moon that I just wasn’t happy about. Scorpio moon seems really cool and nice and fits me very well, but for some reason I just never quite seemed to be able to potentialize it, to bring out the best in it and I never could see why. I try at being happy an d cheerful and nice but, I try…its not natural often, it feels fake, not real. Which I would had attributed to the conjunction with the illusionary Neptune, but I think its not that mostly. Ive thought about what I mean by ” I try “ and in what specific points of time is it that I have to try to be happy and nice and al the good loving nurturing things that the moon is all about….and I realized that what it actually is, is that I try to be nice…..because in all those instances someone or something in my life is just NOT being nice to me, and I ignore insulting remarks and I put up with rude behavior and I tolerate and I am taken advantage of, and I don’t express my feelings and what I want and need.

And that is what has really been happening in my life. I don’t express my true feelings and desires and nature. I try to rationalize it with things like the golden rule and karma and such, but I tell you so many times I have just wanted to slap someone for being so nasty and mean for no good reason, but instead I ignore the pain and hurt it causes me inside. I invalidate my own right to my own feelings and somehow in my brain twist things about to actually justify and say that my feelings and wants do not count and can be repressed and suppressed and ignored, for the greater good, to keep peace, to not hurt their feelings, to not hit back, to be the better person. That kind of thing.

Why on earth would someone do that though? If you insult me with your nasty remarks I have every right to be hurt and I have every right to tell you that you were nasty or cruel and to maybe point out to you back what a immature and selfish and short sighted and self destructive way that type of behavior is and how it doesn’t serve anyone any good.

I’m not talking about me being a jerk to people, I am talking about when people are deliberately jerky to me because they don’t care about my feelings that they are so wrapped up in themselves that they don’t care about others.

And that type of insulting sarcastic condescending manipulative controlling behavior will most definitely show up as some sort of aspect like mars to mercury or Saturn to Venus type of thing in their chart and then continue on into some synastry combination with my chart to produce an event in which they in very real way attack me, most all of the time in a backhanded, slimely undirect manner that could be twisted about so they can backtrack and say something like t” that not what I meant, but if you take it that way that’s your problem” Instead of just owning up to being a jerk in the moment and acting or talking bad. People see me as someone that they can lash out at because I seemingly will take it and not lash back, or that I will lash back and then get emotionally overpowered and be easier to be more jerky to.

So I have followed these breadcrumbs because Im freaking starving.
You don’t even know how hungry I really am.
Unless you have lived almost 50 years with a BackGround Moon aspect
In the 6th house too,

The imagery of the moon before I was born, riding across the sky in all her glory, shining Her loving light out for all the world to bask in and growing in service to all and nurturing all, to then setting below the horizon into the dark underland of the hemisphere, out of sight, out of service and pulling back from the duties of mankind and turning to the needs of the self……which is when I was born, my moon just past the horizon sitting below, in scorpio, in the 6th house. In the background. Unable to express, having its needs not met and not knowing why.

I know what I need
I know what I want
Why cant I do like I see so many people do
Ask for what they want
Be direct and say exactly what you want and need
What holds me back?

I was quite disturded to read about the negative connotations that the sixth house had as I have 4 planets there, and how it had been noted to be especially bad for moons, but I see total truth in what jlained so kindly to me…… how I have very much lived my life in service to others almost non stop (like the moon before I was born had reached fullness after traveling the entire sky and growing in strength servicing all)

Jim wrote to me

“If houses are meaningful, I would say this powerful 6th house emphasis speaks to how you relate to work and bringing service. More importantly, and connected to issues you've been addressing recently, the 6th house is inherently connected to the idea of finding value and worth in yourself distinct from a left-over, ill-placed instinct to "exist for someone else." That is, a 6th house planet has spent the most time it can possibly spend above the horizon, climaxing in extreme others-orientation in the 7th house and at the Descendant, and then was hurled into the hemisphere where it's "rightful" function is to identify with self rather than other. The planet initially resists this and tries to find ways (no longer appropriate to it) to "live for the sake of someone else" - therefore the 6th house represents a crisis in self-sufficiency and self-care.”

I have not been doing my rightful function, because of this aspect in my chart.

My planets in that are should be, after spending so long traversing across the sky, taking care of themselves and not others. But I believe, at least for me, that this is because that journey took along time and a lot of habits and conditions and behaviors that were cultured to serving others, and since those planets are so fresh underland in the 6th house that they have not shaken the conditioning and let loose the bonds of that. Which as shaking bonds go is an extremely Scorpio thing and funny that my planets in teh 6th house are in Scorpio.

So what this all means to me, and what the realization I had in the past day or so, which is my Jupiter on the des blessing, is that my moon which has been background for so long is now going to be fully expressive and I am in a mindset in which I am not going to be a door mat any more and let people intimidate and bully and talk nasty to me and I am going to aggressively go after what it is that I need and want, Im done catering to others feelings and not saying or doing things for fear of causing trouble or upturning the bucket so to speak. Im not saying that I am going to go aggressively looking to be what society calls a bitch but if someone pushes a button and try to hurt me I am going to let them know and in a most direct manner.
I have been called the worst things, and people have hit me, and screamed at me, and been aggressive, and told lies, and stolen, and drugged and just about everything nasty thing and I have forgiven and looked the other way and not mad an issue out of it, and it really has not served me well or done me much good at all. My planets need a chance to do their rightful function.

I think that this ssr coincidence with my Solar Arc transits that are happening right now too, as T Uranus is conjunct my natal moon, giving expression to once in alife time shocking emotional revolution as well as the Solar Arc mercury transit which I see coincidence with the Gemini themed years I had. Next year according to my 49th birthday year my year is ruled by cancer and the glorious moon and I can think of no better thing tto have happened to me on this day then having the rightful needs and wants of my own unique person to be sought after and met, at last.

Im tired to being a civil servant, and mother, and caretaker. I want to explore the other dynamic aspects I have in my chart like music and painting and exercise and well, sex but a completely different type of sex then I have had in the past, and food….I am so hungry for so much that I have been denying out of what I think was a long pattern of taking care of others, and not realizing that, that time was/is over and it is now time for me to serve myself.

I read a letter that my son had written in which he talked about how sorry and sad he felt for me because I work so hard for everyone else and I don’t have any thing left for myself and that I give and give and put up with the worst treatment and how it makes him so angry at people who are mean to me and how he wants to work hard and earn lotsa money so that I don’t have to. I don’t want my son to feel bad and sad for me. I need to show him that his momma can most certainly take care of herself and can do it better then anyone because I have the blessing of a lot of experience in taking care of all sorts of people so it shouldn’t be hard.

I was thinking about all this, this morning and I was reflecting on moments in my life when “I” was the happiest. And I mean “I”’ not happy because i did something for someone else and it felt good. I recalled a moment in the snow on a snowmobile under the moon holding tight and laughing and just so happy all over. I know when I was the happiest, they were all with Craig and how at those moments it felt like all my needs had been met.

That is the most incredible feeling. to feel like all of your complex intricate needs are met, to not have a need in the world, to be satisfied and content and whole. I was so blessed to be with him and I can think of those moments and be brought back in time in a way and know it again in my mind and I crave that and desire it and want those feelings back.

So I glad that I found a trail of bread crumbs and was able to piece together the bigger picture of the huge part of my inner psychology and metal issues and heart issues and come to terms with myself and why I tolerated and endured and denied myself for so long. Its was a phase that had to be progressed and matured and developed slowly over time and in such a manner that the potential truly horrific possibilities with a unexpressible moon did not manifest into violent ugly events in the world and that I was able to keep them contained in myself and process it and metabolize it and neutralize it

Veronica
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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Fri Dec 06, 2019 1:46 pm

I woke at my usually 4am ish today.
Been having some really beautiful and profound dreams.
One in which I had a tiny little bunny as a friend and he liked to sleep curled up on my belly as I lay sleeping in the fetal position. I was struck that for all my very vivid and profuse dream life, I didnt ever recall dreaming about sleeping. Bunny was so small and soft and warm and fit just perfect up against my skin. I had bunnies for pets as a child. I love them. So soft and gentle and calm.

Anyway... Today. At 4ish I went down to the kitchen to put the kettle on and low and behold, my son musta been up cooking for an army because I think every pot n pan and plate and utensil was scattered all over my counters and sink.

And I think he was gardening or something bc all over the floor was mud and dirt and leaves and puddles where im assuming snow had melted.

I laughed because today starts my mop up/ doing the dishes last leg of my SSR.

Its not my mess though.
People have to clean up after themselves and take care of there stuff so that it will be usefull when they want to use it again.

Had a great great great day at work. My co worker has been blissfully cheerful and nice and super friendly to me. We all took a lazy day and put up holiday decorations and participted in the schools "holiday cheer" contest of decorating the doors to all the rooms and the offices and of course the libraries great big picture windows. I have full confidence that our door is going to win bc it is just beautiful and I have a special machine called a Cricut that I use to make the coolest paper cutouts.

My daughter shovelled the driveway without being asked and when I came home my son had cleaned the kitchen spotless.

Im going to work on a new book with my decoupage painting style of art tonight. I got a bunch of great movies from the library. The Outlander series which I am so excited to watch bc its in my ancestors homeland. I also bought a scratch off lottery ticket and won my money back.

Im happy.
I can feel it in my bones how the heavy saddness and despair seemed to put my mind in an unatural way for me.
I am a genuinely happy friendly funny outgoing person and Im glad that Im content with myself. Its a different type of happiness then I felt when I was in relationships. In the past, Id be happy and the men I was with seemed threatened by my inner happiness and assumed that I was "talking" " relating" " cheating" or getting that joy from some other source then them.
But you dont become a happy person from others.
They enhance you own natural level of happiness (or sadness/inner pain?).
If you cant be happy and full of joy being alone doing your own thing then you wont ever be happy with someone else. Youll become in a way...sick..twisted..distorted...looking for the next fix, drink, drug, body, product, to try an satistify the need for balance and harmony and truth. And that can only come from self exaining your thoughts and behaviors and asking deep deep questions to yourself and looking for the answers.

I do have some dishes and housework that does need to be done to clean up my own mess, so Im gonna go and finish up that and sing my favorite songs and dance while I do it. Because a spoonful of sugar makes the job a snap;)

Veronica
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Demi lunar

Post by Veronica » Mon Dec 09, 2019 3:18 pm

Tomorrow sets up my next demi lunar.
I have felt so much better all around, in just about every aspect of my life.
Having Saturn and pluto get away from my natal venus has felt like a huge weight lifted and now with Venus conjunct them .......it feels completely different, I feel completely different inside then I did at my birthday when my SSR set up.

This demi has a lot of really strong factors going on.

T Mercury is conjunct my moon Neptune and Jupiter.....and hence Square my Sun and Trine my Pluto.

Im really interested in how that is going to be.
Im always at a lack at discerning that conjunctions inner psychology of my character. Its like they all get blurred and squished together and have no pure individuality....but its such a strong part of what makes me...me.

Thinking that maybe now that I am conscious of thus mercury transit (as Ive never paid much attention to it) that I can get some insight into those three components of me and maybe be able to appreciate each seperatately and have better clarity on my own personal pros and cons and contradictions and needs.

Im not expecting any major event or trigger that seems Mercurian....ie my work load at school. I may have an interaction with a student or employee that may need to call upon that part of me to deal with it. Not sure. Time will tell.

I am slightly on guard about the Transiting Sun being conjunct my mars.....
People pushing my buttons...conflict...trying to cause trouble....
As well as Transiting Mars being opposite my Saturn....
People with grudges or thinking I owe them ....wanting payback....more possible violence...

But really Im cautious but not to concerned because I dont owe anybody anything and my bills are paid and Ive worked hard at building up a life around me that is peaceful and nice and not being a jerk and minding my own business and paying for things upfront.

So while I have a slight reason to be careful I think that my life chouces are not going to bring a heartattack or stroke or some Crazy person who thinks I owe them....

Plus I think with my Natal Sun on the Angle as well as Transiting Jupiter on my des. That I will be able to deal most effectively and positively to any malease or challenging situation that may arise.

That whole pluto saturn venus movement. As well as the ongoing subtle pulling of neptune on my mars really slowed the part of me that was impulsive and emotional and violent and pained......like I used to feel like choppy waves...reaching high and low...and now Im not....Im not smooth because I still feel this firey spunk and gumption and power but more able to control that fire and spurut and use it for me instead of against.

So anyways. Tomorrow maybe a firecracker in a way but I do think of myself like a pretty sparkler on the 4th of july and I have a 100% record of getting through everything lifes tossed at me so far.

Veronica
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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Mon Dec 09, 2019 3:22 pm

Oh and by the way....

I am super dupper excited at my next SSR and all the Sagittariusness. Ive practiced throwing knives alot and shooting pellet guns and bows and arrows.....my whole life. I love weapons and next year I think its saying that My aim will finally be on the mark.!!!

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