Veronica

Feel free to post your full birthdata & open a discussion on your own chart. Tell us what you've learned from it, ask questions, etc.
Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue Apr 27, 2021 7:23 am

Since I quit my job I have been going to work on the family property. My mother back in 91 found her dream property and moved her family to it. Its huge, 4 complete dwellings as well as a barn and garage and an acre or more of land. When she passed in 96 my father lost most all interest in upkeep.

So I have been hella busy with years and years of all sorts of accumulation and disrepair. I find this work soulfully rewarding, I thrive on hard physical outdoor labour and making order out of chaos.

I see this work in my SSR as the Moon and Mars on my Natal Saturn. It is emotional work at times. I cry sometimes outta the blue about how being weak and small with no upper body strength makes these tasks so much more work for me then it would a man. Men take it for granted that they can lift a chainsaw, it would take them an hour to do what takes me all day.

But I've tried for years to get help to get it done and no one ever has time to help. So I'm just plugging away, stick by stick and rock by rock acutely aware that while my mind feels like a blissfull 8 year old, my heart has been beating for 50 years and demands that I respect that.

I have my lunar return coming up and had been looking it and wondering about the saturn on saturn....and the nice venus mercury sun.....and Jupiter saying hi to my sun and moon this year is soooooooo beautiful on so many levels....

Anyway......at just about exactly 5:40pm yesterday at my dads house in Scottsville I was forced out of my bubble by my father who heard the neighbors mower rev up.....and told me to go over and get his phone number so my dad can make arrangements for him to mow the lawn so that I didn't have to lug over my push mower in the boot of the car anymore.

So I bounded out of the house, in my "not for publicing" work outfit of an especially odd flavor of the day, and had to ....oh my god....go get this guys phone number...omg...

Well apparently the lawn mower guy is not the neighbor. He's friends with the son of the widow who lives there. Yup.
I think I must have been a strange site because he just kept smiling and smiling and smiling and me and it got me smiling and smiling back and feeling very very strange and I kinda forgot what I was doing and why I made him stop mowing to talk to me. And when I said I was sorry to bother him he said it wasn't a bother at all and he would be glad to help and he gave me his name and number for my dad to call.

Yea, so that got a whole bunch of weird feelings that I hadn't felt in so long popping up, and got me wondering about where they were coming from and what is going on inside to make me feel all awkward and shy and GOOD deep inside.

I didn't think I had those feelings anymore. By just smiling so big and happily at me, like I had made his day by talking to him, or that the sticks and leaves in my hair and my thigh high skull legging with sparkly sneakers and a Jack Skellington hoodie was just the most silliest outfit he had ever seen......I dont know, who knows what was making him look so at me.

So I am very very happy that I dont have to mow the lawn. That frees up alot of my time so that I can chip away at the other things that have to be done. I am hoping with this Lunar return that the Angular Mars allows me to really bang out alot of hard work this spring before the summer heat and humidity hits.

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Wed Apr 28, 2021 5:27 am

8-)

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sun May 02, 2021 7:42 am

Sigh....
Yea it sounded cool didn't it Steve.

Yet I still had to bring my mower and mow.
Mother Nature grows grass that doesn't fit it to a weekly schedule, and I wasn't clear enough that I wanted it done ASAP.

My father told me that men want women to tell them exactly what they need and when it needs to be done.

I dont like telling people what to do.

I like to let people know what I'm doing and how I could use help and then let them decide if they have the inclination and time to join me.

Actually it not that I like doing it that way, it's just how I work, which might explain why no one ever really jumps in and says "oh I would love to pick up sticks and cut down branches and dig out stumps with you, that sounds like lotsa fun and a great way to enjoy my time."
It feels like Jason (1990-1999) and Eric (1999-2013) only did "my projects" with me because they knew I would have sex and show my appreciation and gratitude intimately with them. I dont feel like they truly cared about organic gardening, or off grid living, or animal husbandry......they just went along with me.


Craig always has his own projects and never had time so I very quickly in our relationship learned my projects/family was my own. I pretty much gave up all my projects and interests to spend time with Craig and try and help him with his projects.

Being in the yard again, and recalling all my earth projects and plans mom and I had for the property, is so hard and emotional and at times I feel that I am so far away from that 20 year old who composted and recycled and howled at the moon.

I dont ever want to forget my projects again. I dont want help from people like J and Eric who had their own motives for helping me. I want help from the heart. I want my family as a whole to take an interest in preserving this home my mother built for us.

My SSr has the Moon on my Saturn and I had spoke of learning that means forgetfulness sometimes.
I had a striking example this week.
I've been clearing up broken and felled trees entangled in mass with underbrush and all the trappings. Its spring and nothing really has leaves yet. I know trees and plants from studying botany and know all the poisonous things.
I forgot though that poisonous ivy doesn't need leaves and I forgot it was entangled in the dead pine, and I forgot to keep my hoodie on, and I forgot not to cut when the sun is high and hot.
I forgot also what it is like to have poison ivy burns up and down on your arms that look like whip and slash Mark's.

Though it also made me remember something that I love so very very much, the light touch of a soft feather on the skin.

My skin hurts and burns and itches so much and so inflamed and raw and hard like leather. But I can softly...oh so softly ...stroke my finger tips and it feels cool and refreshing. My mother called it "ticky" and she would do it to me as a babe to sooth me from my allergies. It's the best feeling and it's ok that I had to get all raw and ugly to make me remember that that is how I really like to be touched and what makes me feel better when I get overloaded.
Live and learn.

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Wed May 05, 2021 9:29 am

I woke up this morning and my bathroom window was open.

I received a court summons from Eric the other day.

As Saturn is transiting square my natal Saturn I find fears popping up all over. Ugly mean violent personal fears.

I walked in my sister watching a movie with a favorite actress of mine Amanda Siegfried, only to sit down to have my joy destroyed as I saw her brutally murdered by her husband. Why do they make such ugly things...movies about slashing and hurting and stalking...trying to normalize violence against women.

I met Eric the fall of 1999, my SSR that year had my natal Saturn at 22 Aries conjunct the MC at 21. Transiting Saturn was approaching its Return that year at 4 Aries.

Right now I am feeling Saturn approaching its last square of that Returns cycle. At times I am so afraid he is going to kill me. Or the kids. Or my dad. Or Craig. At other times I'm afraid I'm going to kill him if he crosses me.

Jim, I have tried and tried to look at things and rationalize them and say....oh he did that bc his such and such was hitting on her such and such and they had no seemingly constructive outlet for its expression so ....yea...it got expressed mean and ugly and hurtful....
I've looked at murderers charts and tried to think...if only this was tweaked like so...put this on the angle...and put them around this synasty...and it wouldn't be ugly.

And it scares me to no end to know that there is a person out there with terrible astrology with mine who if pushed could snap and snap my neck. It scares me think that there are people out there that I dont know who have horrible astrology with me and could snap my neck if I forget to use my blinker.

This last phase of this Saturn cycle, this square is going to be very hard in so many ways, I can already feel it. I am doing my best to stay up beat and optimistic, and I am allowing myself to surrender to crying and releasing feelings that I have held inside for too long, but then I get so very very angry, and I dont have a good history of behaving well when I am angry. I wish I could find a safe way to release my emotions but I just dont feel like I would be in control and safe.

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Fri May 07, 2021 5:46 am

When the wind of fear hits me, I do deep breathing exercises and singing with my music.

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sat May 08, 2021 11:08 am

SteveS wrote:
Fri May 07, 2021 5:46 am
When the wind of fear hits me, I do deep breathing exercises and singing with my music.
Interesting.

I appreciate you saying that Steve.
I am fascinated by biological responses.
I am also fascinated by word choices.

I want to pick this apart for a second, because after I read your open honest reflection on your experience of fear, I had to honestly and openly reflect on my response to feeling afraid.

After going over in my head moments when I truly felt afraid and fearful, moments I thought my life was really in trouble, I wasn't shocked to admit that my response was the complete opposite of yours.

You said... you do deep breathing exercises and singing...very empowering acts. Deep breathing brings more oxygen into the blood and helps control the heart rate so that you actually physiologically have more power and energy and clarity and strength so that you can either fight off or flee. Singing as well does that, but also is a sign of confidence of action and self control and mastery. I do appreciate you letting me know these quick easy trick to gain self control. It is very important if you are going to end up on top.

My response though to those moments of terror.....
It took me a second to get to what really happens, seconds seem to stretch out into eternity, but what I do when I am truelly scared is to hold my breath and become as still as a stone. I try to make my heart literally stop beating. I get quiet. Beyond quiet.
Fear is paralyzing.

Growing up in a very violent chaotic home I had valid reasons for fear. I had to try and live with these people, some people who had very hard astrology with me.
As an adult, I can't be hurt by them like I was as a child and I also have choices and options that I didn't as a child.

I spent time looking at one of the most influential people in my life's chart and reflecting on the synasty with me.
(BrotherB 1-12-1963 Rochester NY) I'm not going to articulate anything about him, I know I shared a bit before, but after really looking at his chart and our lives, I see now how in a very real way, my romantic partners were almost all based off of me projecting into them aspects of the synastry I have with him. Dont let that Sag/ Cancer fool you or have you think he cares, he may have at one point, but he holds grudges about things that happened before you were born, things that he made up in his head overthinking, and he gets revenge.
But I dont have to interact with him. I can choose now to not have people in my life whose synastry doesnt feel nice. Even better when I can choose to be on top and not let the synastry effect me at all and rise above it and just let the Universe pour forth through my unique natal chart like it needs too.

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Sun May 09, 2021 5:23 am

V wrote:
Fear is paralyzing.
For sure! I encountered fear so many times in my life with my father, I had to learn methods to rid myself of fear, otherwise I would become physically sick with fear. Once I asked a high grade psychic how I could better control fear in my life. She said for me to get into an enclosed shower running warm water over by body and chanting the word Om or Aum with as deep tones as my vocal cords would allow. This sets-up penetrating sound vibrations in the enclosed shower, and it amazed me how magical it worked for me by calming my mind/body of fear. There were many times in my life where I had to do this in the mornings in order to get through the day without becoming throw-up nauseated with fear of my father. This deep seated fear of my father imo is symbolized in my Natal with a partile mundo conjunction of Saturn-Pluto in my Natal 9th House. I feel by chanting the sound of Om I was actually countering the “paralyzing” effects of fear by using “higher learning-knowledge” which is symbolized by the 9th House. It was like the Psychic channeled a divine message for me to overcome my fears.
The legend in section 1.2 of Chandogya Upanishad states that gods took the Udgitha (song of Om) unto themselves, thinking, "with this song we shall overcome the demons".[52] The syllable Om is thus implied as that which inspires the good inclinations within each person. Wikipedia
Read about the “higher knowledge” of Om from the sacred East with the below link:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Om

Sometimes you have to use law enforcement against threatening people in your life, so you must use your best judgement with Eric. I had to use law enforcement against my father twice in my life.

Algebra Sun
Meteorite Member
Meteorite Member
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Sep 05, 2019 9:15 pm
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Algebra Sun » Wed May 12, 2021 8:04 pm

Mercury square Saturn always means a hard thinker!

User avatar
Jim Eshelman
Are You Sirius?
Posts: 12694
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 12:40 pm
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Wed May 12, 2021 8:15 pm

Victor wrote:
Wed May 12, 2021 8:04 pm
Mercury square Saturn always means a hard thinker!
Victor, did you post this in the wrong thread? I don't see Mercury-Saturn discussed in this thread previously.
Jim Eshelman
www.jeshelman.com

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Ssr 2021

Post by Veronica » Thu May 13, 2021 5:48 am

Wow Steve, that's very interesting. Thank you for sharing, I too was told about chanting OM. It's amazing how well it works. I can do it only in my head too, for those times when I can't vibrate it out loud and it still helps.

What I have heard is that OM is the sound of all of creation in chorus, each making it's own tone to add, the constant hum in the background. It is very healing and empowering to attune to. At least it has been for me. Very good information to share and bring to light. It was very kind of that woman to share what she knew with you.

I appreciate your conversation about your experience of fear and of what was moving in the heavens when you were born. Saturn and Pluto are such great big powerful influences on development. I personally dont have them respecting each other in my chart, but I feel their transit affects deeply and profoundly. That huge transit must have greatly impacted your mother as she was carrying you. Saturn was transiting conjunct my Mothers moon/Mercurcy/Mars while she carried me and I know how deeply that affected both of us.

Funny thing going on in my life this year that dawned on me the other day. This whole SSR year so far in some " Groundhog Day" repeating pattern, my mother has strongly been on my mind and in my heart and driving my actions. I have agressesively been asserting myself at Her Home, (visiting and laboring) where I haven't felt comfortable to go since 2013 when I separated from Eric.

The devastation and literal rotting, hoarding, pirating, dumping there in my absence.......its beyond disgusting what has happened to that property..they ripped out the copper and pipes and the water has been just dripping onto everywhere inthe barn for years. ...my Mother would Kill every last one of us. That's not how she raised us. Her home was spotless and beautiful. She worked at it. Everyday.

So I'm trying to sort and salvage what I will kindly call a Dragon Hoard of Treasures, and clear and clean it up and that's when I realized that my SSR this year, unlike any year ever in my life, has a lot of Aries action (moon mars and Uranus) in the transit, upon my natal Saturn. That of course is where I originally thought the mom theme was coming from.

It just feels like she is in the air.
But really, she is in the chart because of her Aries planet stellium, which with Uranus in the fold now as in her natal, isn't shocking to be able to feel her more so now.

My dad and my brothers dont want to gut the property and completely remodel, like I do. Like it truly needs to have done to it to salvage. I know why they dont want to clean it out. They will deny it and say I am crazy, but I know why deep down inside they hate the idea of cleaning up her place.

I still to this day find dog hairs in my house. Been years now, and I sweep and mop and clean and yet I miss some each and everytime.

I had a very open and honest conversation with my dad about my experience of my brother who is hot as hell at me for my efforts and told him of my fears of him. It was good to finally be heard, and acknowledged by dad about his son's behavior toward me.

The other day I was working to understand my fears and where they come from and how I can better live with things like an open window, or a prank phone call and not spiral down into very dark places.

I then I remembered, again, a very very sad thing that happened in my family before I was born, and how that one event (which I am denied the date..no one in the family will say) made me very much the person I am today.

I forget that somehow, some crazy intangible way......
That I " psychically" knew I had another sibling who had tragically died in childbirth. I knew, and for so very very very long I didn't know how I knew. It wasn't until well after my mother passed that I started sharing with my siblings feelings and thoughts and dreams I had about this life and death, and finally got curt answers from my sisters that yes, that happened.

Science is now building the language though to give me the words I need so that I can explain it. I was literally formed cell by cell during a time when my mother was scared beyond belief about all the what ifs of pregnancy. She didn't want another baby. She had been traumatized by that experience and worn down.

It's hard to articulate, but I also looked into the time frame that I was conceived (approx. May 11 1970, which was the date strangely that I looked at it two days ago) and my parents natal charts to try and grok their mood.
I was conceived during a cancer moon.
Or I could say that my mother had sex, was seduced, was receptive, felt love toward my father during that phase of the moon. With his Piscean Libido I am sure that he felt the venus/mars conjunction going on in the sky, but I also think that she needed that type of moon to help her heal from the emotional trauma.
Cancer Moons are Mother Moons in that attention and affection are expressed in gentle, soft nurturing ways....

So I think that while my conception time frame shows a very loving and tender healing moment of passion for my mom, she was beyond worried during my formation.
Which I think shows in my character.

But the thing is, inspite of all her fears and worries and horrible hormonal and biochemical responses ....
I didn't die.
I made it.
I survived.

And everyday when I wake up, Im happy and full of excitement and enthusiasm and go get em Tiger!!! At the crack of dawn .....because...I could have died, but I was loved and carried, even though I wasn't really wanted in the first place. My mom fought tooth and nail to keep me alive. She risked her life.

My brother called and asked my sister " who the F^@* does she think she is.... "

I would love for him to ask me.

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Fri May 14, 2021 7:51 am

V wrote:
It was very kind of that woman to share what she knew with you.
Yes, she was a very special woman in my life in many different ways, and if not for my wife I never would have crossed her path.
It's good to see/feel the good things about your Mother in your chart. :)

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sun May 16, 2021 6:00 am

SteveS wrote:
Fri May 14, 2021 7:51 am
V wrote:
It was very kind of that woman to share what she knew with you.
Yes, she was a very special woman in my life in many different ways, and if not for my wife I never would have crossed her path.

It's good to see/feel the good things about your Mother in your chart. :)
I personally feel that seeing and feeling the good things about Mother...in any and all of Her phases, be it your birth mother, your female relatives and friends or Mother Nature HerSelf...is the cream on the top of human existence, in that when we think lovingly and affectionately and attentively about our beloved female our body floods us with pure gold nurturing restoring and loving abilities.

Unfortunately we live in a culture that denies this biological fact and violently opposes people who want to walk around feeling in love with Thier Mother, their spouse, their female friends.

My mother was the most amazing woman.
And so was yours.
And everybody's.
This culture, this Patriarchal society which oppresses and enslaves everyone and denies that women have any value at all other then a man's sexual whim ....they will tell you otherwise, but trust me. I am living proof she was a rock star. And so are you.

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Sun May 16, 2021 8:38 am

Well spoken Veronica, lots of wisdom in your words.

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sat May 22, 2021 6:40 am

Thank you Steve for your kind words.

To be honest though
I said all of that because I was seeking to understand what YOU meant in your words.....
"It's good to see/feel the good things about your Mother in your chart"

I didn't know what you really meant because that statement could be read a few different ways, and I have no body language to discern from.

Maybe it's a sex thing,
women trying to understand men,
men trying to understand women.....

I had some great conversations this week with my women folk about how we feel that we need to start specifically saying
"What do you mean ?"
" Why did you do/say that?"
And to really seek clarity because the ambiguity and open interpretation and loop holes in communication from males scares the bejeezus out of us and chips away at our sence of security.
It's sad that in my life I have learned that men do not like women asking for clarification or any type of questions and get hostile and aggressive with us, yet the same questions from a male do not bring about such negative responses.
It's sad too that I dont feel like I can have any type of deep thoughtful sharing of different perspectives with men because it becomes emotionally charged when I start asking questions.
But I do keep asking and trying to understand.

As an Aquarius I do feel kin with all of life and strive to respect alls inherent dignity and sovereignty and liberty, and understanding what a fellow human is trying to communicate to me is a major component of that love of all life for me.

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Sun May 23, 2021 5:41 am

V, of all the folks I know on this forum, I strongly feel your soul the closest to the Mother Goddess Principle of Nature. I have only come into a really strong close contact with the Goddess Principle of Nature once in my life when I first took a hero dose of psilocybin in 1969. It was the most nourishing direct experience from Mother Nature in my entire life with my nourishing experiences from my Mother a close second. If this male dominating world does not do something radical to get itself back in touch with this Mother Goddess feminine principle of Nature---the world is in big trouble, IMHO.

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue May 25, 2021 6:10 am

SteveS wrote:
Sun May 23, 2021 5:41 am
V, of all the folks I know on this forum, I strongly feel your soul the closest to the Mother Goddess Principle of Nature. I have only come into a really strong close contact with the Goddess Principle of Nature once in my life when I first took a hero dose of psilocybin in 1969. It was the most nourishing direct experience from Mother Nature in my entire life with my nourishing experiences from my Mother a close second. If this male dominating world does not do something radical to get itself back in touch with this Mother Goddess feminine principle of Nature---the world is in big trouble, IMHO.
Reading this made me cry.

I feel that no one wants or needs or appreciates being nurtured....in fact they resent help and kindness and love....and more then that ....they cannot accept love and kindness freely but have to pay for it.
I can't be nice with out people questioning my motive and thinking I am trying to take advantage and/or doing things for my own profit.

I have a new Lunar Return this week.

The past month I have been trying to fix a huge water issue at my parents/sisters place. It's the biggest ugliest mess I've had to clean up to date, and the physicality as well as the complexity and severity have taxed me.
The emotional aspect as well has been challenging as I can see how my dad and siblings really dont care about the land and property and dont want to do anything about it...basically they will run the property into the ground until it has to be destroyed (like the 5 other houses my parents owned and let my siblings destroy)

I've done all I can do by myself. It's to much and I feel like the little red hen in that I'm doing all the work again and no one wants to help. In fact they all just keep making more messes and saying what a dump the place is. Like they want me to just leave it alone to rot.

Funny in that I feel the same way about my intimate relationship..... resented my nurturing. Didn't want it. Didn't want me to be loving or show tenderness. Resented me reminding to eat healthy and drink water and think happy thoughts. Just wanted to run themselves straight to the grave with drugs alcohol sugar junk food stress drama and anger.

I am going to finish up what I can about the water leak and then turn it over to my dad to call a plumber. He was raised to fix things but something's need a professional to help fix. And it is his pipes and property to fix or not.
I did what I could.

Steve I have to tell you, that Imho, you may have only experienced the Mother Goddess/Sacred Feminine once in your life and felt the interconnectedness of all life.....but She has always been in you.
The Mother Goddess in me honors the Mother Goddess in you.
I dont care if you are the most badass hulk of a man in the world....She is there, I can see Her in you, in your x chromosome. All men have a feminine aspect and it needs to be loved and honored and nurtured and expressed.

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Tue May 25, 2021 7:00 am

V, I think I see/understand that SSR Moon conjunct your SSR Saturn in your current SSR working you in this solar year.

When I strongly experienced the Mother Goddess in Nature in 1969, it completely changed my life to the better. Its impossible for me to put this 1969 experience into words. With my d MC approaching exact 90 to my Natal Pluto in the 9th House in the sign Cancer, I am now experiencing new learnings about the cults of the Mother Goddess Principle in Nature many thousnads of years ago. Its like whats happening to me now in life is allowing me to understand on deeper levels the Mother Goddess Principle of Nature, I feel her presence closer to me. :)

User avatar
Jim Eshelman
Are You Sirius?
Posts: 12694
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 12:40 pm
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Tue May 25, 2021 7:50 am

It's still hard for most people to put 1969 in perspective :)
Jim Eshelman
www.jeshelman.com

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue May 25, 2021 9:55 am

Jim Eshelman wrote:
Tue May 25, 2021 7:50 am
It's still hard for most people to put 1969 in perspective :)
And so they continue to bash powerful women, insulting any women who went after her own hearts desires, and crediting her success to how well she takes "it" from a man insinuating she wouldn't be successful unless she provided sex to a man who then gave her her token job.

My dad this morning instead of wanting to deal with his water issue and windows and real life pressing issues wanted to try and spend my time slamming our Vice President and some other females in authority. Going on with the same old lines that have been used for centuries to bully and demean and insult women.
I'm done listening to people be mean. Even if it is a joke.
Its hurtful. It's wrong. And as I pointed out to him it is Un Christian (as he uses that reason for why he helps his man friends and sons) and that he wouldn't say those things if she was right in front of him.
I of course asked for specifics of all these females crimes that caused him to hate so much but again he had nothing to warrant his insulting behavior to them and when I pointed out some real atrocities by men in power he justified it by saying things like
We dont really know what happened
They had good reason
It was a different circumstance
You will never understand

It makes me not want to help him or be nice or anything when he gets on that track. But like all of us, he has his own Fiction Storyof His Life With Him as the Hero that he lives and functions in, and that fiction was limited by the science known at the time and the culture he was raised in, and his personal natal chart.
The fiction Storyies that I see the young men living now says incorporated the newer science of the interconnectedness of all, the web of life, and ideas and perspectives that for most older people are threatening scary wrong and smashes their small little world to pieces.

Until we really feel how hurting one living thing hurts everything and especially ourselves ......and loving and being kind to any living thing heals all things.....and that we all come from Love and are Love woven into matter the self abuse will continue. Because really....abusing others...insulting others...is really only self abuse and shows lack of self love and understanding.

User avatar
Jupiter Sets at Dawn
Irish
Irish
Posts: 3768
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 7:03 pm

Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Tue May 25, 2021 12:00 pm

Veronica wrote:
Tue May 25, 2021 9:55 am
My dad this morning instead of wanting to deal with his water issue and windows and real life pressing issues wanted to try and spend my time slamming our Vice President and some other females in authority.
If you want to stop this behavior, stop engaging when he starts up. Literally walk away. Go outside and do something out there for at least a half hour.

When you engage with him you are rewarding the behavior.

Since he's been rewarded for picking fights with you before, when it starts to work, he will try harder to fight with you about this. That's called an extinction burst. He doesn't want to change his behavior since it got him what he wanted before and it "ought" to work now.

If you engage with him when he escalates, you're teaching him if he goes at you harder how much harder he has to work to get your attention that way. So don't do it. Leave entirely if you have to to keep from rewarding his bad behavior.
Don't tell him that's what you are going to do or are doing. Just do it.

Reward good behavior with attention, time spent talking or something. This is real work, but it does work. If you have to go mow or something, plan an extra half hour giving him attention after. Share a meal or a snack.

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue May 25, 2021 4:02 pm

An extinction burst.....
That sure sounds right.

Thank you for your kind reminder about this, I know you have given me this advice before. We (me and my father) have been working on this, and actually have made great strides in communication recently.
Obviously or I wouldn't be going over there at all.

He is pretty much blind and deaf and immobile and going out of his mind with bordem, so I encourage him to tell me good stories about his life. He has had an amazing life and gotten into all sorts of weird situations that he animatedly retells.

I love him so much but it feels like there is a line of contempt and hatred laying right under the surface that is just killing him, and not just him but so many many people.

What I really feel is happening though is boredom. He can't go and help me work and feels he has nothing to do that he enjoys doing and that gives him joy. His body barely producing any good feeling hormones, and talking about controversial topics gets adrenaline pumping and makes him feel vital. Drama and gossip is also a human tactic to avoid personal issues, it's the looking out at the world and getting distracted from what you do have the power to control in your life. Bitchin about politics and sports and all that is just a distraction and diversion from personal responsibilities. I know I human and have my own crutches and distractions for personal behaviors that I should refine but play games with myself about.

I have been a very good interactive listener while dad tells his stories, asking questions, giving feed back and sound effects and other things that show my interest and enthusiasm for his experiences. He responds happily and it does seem to bring out a vitality and life force.

But yea, the walking away works. It is just so hard sometimes when it comes out of no where after so long with out a burst. Caught me off guard.

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Wed May 26, 2021 1:37 am

Jim wrote:
It's still hard for most people to put 1969 in perspective :)
:) Indeed! I am still running into life's synchronicity from the mental pictures/messages I beheld while experiencing psychedelics in 1969. After recently reading/studying Terence McKenna's material, I am beginning to see/believe things that may have to do more with universal reality that I use to believe were hallucinations in 1969. I wish Terence had studied Sidereal Astrology and given one of his Mercury-Mars famous discourses about Sidereal Astrology--would have been very interesting from a most interesting mind about TIME/COSMOS.

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue Jun 01, 2021 7:13 am

I found out yesterday the my oldest Brother M is dying of cancer as well my oldest sister, and my sister in law ( who is my age and is married to BrotherB).

My oldest brother May 3rd 1955 Rochester NY
Aries Sun, Virgo moon

He didn't have any trouble putting 1969 in perspective. He saw the images from NASA of the EarthRise, of the big blue marble and he embraced what he saw.

When I was very little he would take me and my little brother hiking into the wildest woods, and turn over stones and logs and show me all the wonders of the earth. We loved rolly lollies, and centipedes and beetles and all the decomposers the most, because with out them cleaning up and eating up and doing their part, the wolves and other flashy creatures couldn't be.

He was born with a beautiful Jupiter Uranus conjunction that I feel gifted him with shocking resilience against being bullied for growing flowers and tending plants and being kind to bees and worms. He was the first EarthFirst fighter in his own way and has walked In Love with Gaia his whole life.

I have been doing some work studying early life, bacteria mostly and how single cell organisms came to have a nucleus. In looking at cells and the components in cells and what constitutes life it appears as if the mitochondria in our cells were once autonomous self sufficient bacteria, a creature that was able to produce it's own energy without consuming/eating\absorbing another (most life we know are consumers of something in order to get energy, but not all life forms need to do this).

It's a fascinating story of how our complex diverse world came to be because of a relationship formed between two seemingly at odds bacteria, one who produced a gas as a waste product, and one who loved consuming that waste product. Loved it so much in fact that the bacteria slowly enveloped the other bacteria inside of itself so it could become a constant energy source.
It's the most romantic story I have ever heard.
I could humanize it and say
Once upon a time there was a girl who farted and a boy who loved her smelly farts so much that he built her a house inside of his heart where she could do her thing and fart away and nothing in the world could harm her because she was safe deep inside him.

Stephen Spielberg was brilliant when he attempted to bring to the common man's mind the idea of Mitochondria and how it is in everything. He called it in his first Star Wars movie. " the Force" and in later movies explained that the force was measurable in matter called Middicloriorians and that the more Middicloriorians in something, the stronger the force is in that.

Mitochondria DNA is unique dna, it is not human dna. It is ancient and is shared in all life. The tree outside has mitochondria with the same dna as I have. I believe though that levels of mitochondria fluctuate widely in lifeforms, some having the bare minimum and others having boatloads.

After looking into cells and all the components inside them, and noting how similar a cell appears in way to our solar system and the heavenly bodies I tried searching for astrological correspondence.
I'm not having much luck finding anything of note but from what my gut is telling me, the Mitochondria may represent Jupiter, and that people with well placed Jupiter may have more mitochondria then others.

It's very challenging for me to find the words to explain but what I have learned is that those pictures from space of our little planet, all alone in the cold space had a blessed event happen here that hasn't happened before or anytime since or any where around us, in that two single cell bacteria were able to form a symbiotic relationship and work together and become something new a different and greater then they ever could be alone.
If two cells who can't talk can get along and grow and create, and against all odds and failure after failure after failure (nature shows dont clue us in that life fails a million times before it succeeds once....watch a lion really hunt and see how often he goes hungry)......

Life is so fragile and perilous and we all need to give ourselves some slack and be kind and gentle and soft with each other, because life isn't every where, it isn't abundant. It isn't to be taken for granted and spoiled and rushed.

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Tue Jun 01, 2021 4:35 pm

May the force of Gaia be with you and your brother. That picture of Mother Earth from one of our space crafts was made possible for the public by an individual when he took his first trip on LSD. I will try to find a link of the story how it happened. Its becoming more and more obvious to me the true Spirit of our Planet Earth (all planets have their own spirits) is the Goddess Mother Principle.

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue Jun 01, 2021 4:36 pm

It's really been eating at me that Steve he thought my soul closest to Mother Nature.

It made me think how culture has these archetypes of females, maiden, mother, wife, whore, and the one it tries to vilify Crone. Culture also has this contradiction that a sexual mature women ( not a maiden nor a crone) is Either a Mother or a Whore Archtype.

Culture doesnt have strong female archetypes that are of a Holistic Woman who is both the archtype of Mother and Whore, an integrated and whole person. So in our day an age a sexual Nature woman gets cast into one of two roles. Neither a complete and whole representation of who she really is.

I dont look like the Mother role.
I'm not June Cleaver. I'm skinny not fat and plump like a Mother Goddes. I look for all appearances like the opposite Stereotype " the whore". When men see me in real life they dont think...I bet she makes a mean casserole and can sew....they think much other kinda thoughts.

Motherhood and taking care of babies was the scariest thing. I had no idea what I was doing, I had no idea what they required. I am completely winging it as I go and just trying my hardest and not giving up.

But I'm tired.

I can't be like the soul of Morher Nature.

I sincerely hope that my life and my existence is not a mirror of the condition of planet Earth and how it has been used up and polluted and wasted. That's not a very happy outlook for my progressions if so.

I wish I was more Motherly, and I am grateful that I have been able to study astrology with Jupiter Sets at Dawn because in my eyes she is the cat's meow and if anyone here should be compared to the soul of the feminine principle it is her.
She can hold space for anyone, regardless of their birth chart, she is dignity personified. She has looked at the charts of the planets greatest villains, and gave them the benefit of the doubt and seeks to understand not judge.

Its unfortunate that our culture also teaches us that once a woman has passed sexual maturity she is devalued, when in fact her value to culture is priceless.

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue Jun 01, 2021 4:38 pm

May the Force be With you too Steve;)

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Tue Jun 01, 2021 4:56 pm

V wrote:
Its unfortunate that our culture also teaches us that once a woman has passed sexual maturity she is devalued, when in fact her value to culture is priceless.
Indeed!!!

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Wed Jun 02, 2021 6:58 am

Veronica, a picture of the Earth Rising on the Moon’s Horizon. A picture is worth a thousand words, eh?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUvE5bBYShY
In 1966, while on an LSD trip on the roof of his house in North Beach, San Francisco, Brand became convinced that seeing an image of the whole Earth would change how we think about the planet and ourselves.[8][9] He then campaigned to have NASA release the then-rumored satellite image of the entire Earth as seen from space. He sold and distributed buttons for 25 cents each[10] asking, "Why haven't we seen a photograph of the whole Earth yet?".[11] During this campaign, Brand met Richard Buckminster Fuller, who offered to help Brand with his projects.[12] In 1967, a satellite, ATS-3, took the photo. Brand thought the image of our planet would be a powerful symbol. It adorned the first (Fall 1968) edition of the Whole Earth Catalog.[13] Later in 1968, NASA astronaut Bill Anders took an Earth photo,[11] Earthrise, from Moon orbit, which became the front image of the spring 1969 edition of the Catalog. 1970 saw the first celebration of Earth Day.[10] During a 2003 interview, Brand explained that the image "gave the sense that Earth's an island, surrounded by a lot of inhospitable space. And it's so graphic, this little blue, white, green and brown jewel-like icon amongst a quite featureless black vacuum."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stewart_Brand

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Wed Jun 02, 2021 1:35 pm

I had that book.
I read it back and forth.
I used it when I finally had my own space.
It was such a big book it never fit on my shelves.
Eric {nassed} all over it one drunken night.

Thank you for the bio. What a truly wonderful human being and what an interesting and incredible life.

It's a strange paradox in a way that right now there are two different generations alive on Earth.

My generation grew up always knowing what Earth looked like. That image is a fact and cornerstone of my belief set. I have never wondered what home looks like, I can check live images right now.

But everybody born before then grew up not being able to see and get a real sence of the bigger picture. I can't imagine my reaction.

I cried watching the video and I sobbed like a fool again as I always do when I hear the broadcast from space.

A favorite abbreviated quote of mine from Island by Aldous Huxley

It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days…Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me…to throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling…”

– Aldous Huxley, Island

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Wed Jun 02, 2021 3:28 pm

You are very good following that good advice, you are the best I've seen at throwing away the dirty baggage and moving on... :)

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Thu Jun 03, 2021 5:45 am

I appreciate you saying that. You have no idea how hard it is for me to let go.
Because my most beloved brother Michael Raymond taught me, showed me....that there is no "away".

Every
Single
Thing

It's still here, on this island in Space.
We just shuffle stuff around and give it a new zip code.

He died yesterday afternoon.
My sisters and I have been trying to reach him for a week. I wanted to thank him again for being a joy in my life. We had such a love and such good times. We only had good times, him and me.
He used to bring me as a child to this very place where I live now and spend hours walking and talking with me. I wandered the trails for hours yesterday trying to reach him before I got the call. I knew. We knew even though he lied to us and told us he wasn't very sick.

My father called him a long haired dirty footed weirdo.

Dirt is the most sacred powerful substance on earth. It is the literal cells of dead lifeforms. Of people and fungi and plants and bugs.

My brother had what I will call a soul sickness. He was born to be gentle and kind and soft and understanding, but he was born a man and had to wrap himself in a lie and pretend to be something he wasn't. He married a woman late in life who had 6 kids and he was an amazing parent to them.
He raised his stepgrandson as his own son when his stepdaughter gave the baby up, alone...single and divorced man raising a child he had no blood ties too.

There is no away and there is no dirty baggage. I'm sick of living in a culture that believes that there is some magic place where things go. This planet is the magic place because of the life it has.

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Thu Jun 03, 2021 7:49 am

I hear you V.

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Thu Jun 03, 2021 12:19 pm

SteveS wrote:
Thu Jun 03, 2021 7:49 am
I hear you V.
I know you do Steve.

My screams and sobs are everywhere. In every cell, everywhere. Screaming no no no no no no.

I am Heavy With Grief

5 degrees Aquarius Sun square 7 degrees Scorpio Moon/Neptune/Jupiter

Singing to his confused soul
Cleansing his body from head to toe
Blessing his goodness
Anointing
Singing
Wrapping.......

Heavy with grief that that which was once
Is no more

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sun Jun 06, 2021 5:22 am

We have moved my sister into hospice care at her daughters house.

She's never recovered from loosing her son.

I am grateful that I can spend time with her and try to make things less painful now.

User avatar
Jupiter Sets at Dawn
Irish
Irish
Posts: 3768
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 7:03 pm

Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:30 am

I used to work hospice after my mother died. The best thing I could do was be very matter of fact and keep things normal. And give choices. Even little ones. Do you like grape juice or would you rather have orange juice. The same stuff I did for stroke patients. Being able to make even small choices is an amazing tool against depression stemming from having to do stuff other people say you have to do. Or cancer says you have to do.

A big choice is how much pain killer she wants or doesn't want. If she wants enough to make her sleep most of the time, that's fine. If she would rather suffer some pain but still be in the world, that's her choice. Don't let anyone take away her choice on that. Hospice is usually good about that.

The biggest choice, and the greatest gift, is don't argue when she says it's time, and who she wants with her. Hospice people will help her. Support her choice. It's not anyone else's. You may need to help run interference with people who don't respect her making a choice. Take them grocery shopping. We sent my father flying in a friend's new plane. Eventually, that's the plane from which we scattered my mother's ashes, and later my father's.

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:50 am

Thank you

Those words have a very deep meaning and pertain to living as well as dying.

Thank you

User avatar
Jim Eshelman
Are You Sirius?
Posts: 12694
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 12:40 pm
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Sun Jun 06, 2021 11:25 am

JSAD: Exactly.

Veronica: Jupiter will turn stationary June 20 at 7°09' Aquarius. Therefore, nearly all month Jupiter is square your Moon, more widely touching a few other planets, lined up to cross your Sun a few weeks later - there are special blessings for you in the next couple of months.

This month, you have a progressed Moon-Uranus conjunction (well within orb now and coming to exact in a few days). Two months later, you get another (plus Moon opposite Eris, for whatever that means). This, then, is also a time of surprises and eye-opening wonder.

Solar Arc Venus is 0°05' from precise square to your Jupiter. This is a period dominated by love and (again) blessing.
Jim Eshelman
www.jeshelman.com

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sun Jun 06, 2021 1:29 pm

That's good to know. Thank you.

The feelings I have are stronger and much different then before.

I am in physical proximity of a lot of my relations and family friends now as our circle gathers to celebrate the lives and times of our kinfolk who are crossing over.
Something that has been estranged, difficult and unpleasant more times then not in the recent past.

It's as if our family used to be super tight and celebrate everything together and it was fun and happy, and then it grew. Grew big and it got harder to all gether together for events, and differences in lifestyles and choices made the few times together not so nice.
So we stopped being one and split off into niche families of cousins.
Like fingers on a hand.

And we all missed it. And loved each other. But just had different needs.

And since now that we are all together again, and knowing how much we missed and love each other, the challenges of the past have turned into new opportunities for our relationships to grow.

I think what I am hearing and grok though is to drink deep and stay hydrated

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Mon Jun 07, 2021 12:59 pm

Yea, that didn't go as planned.

The Sun is Opposite my Mars and Mercury squares my Pluto.

I'm such a freaking dreamer.

So I pulled a root chakra issue in my back this morning, and then had my finger sliced open.

I remembered when I ran away as a kid and would have rather slept on the street.

I couldn't admit it before, but I really think that somehow someway my entire family collectively thinks we are just biological trash, shit, garbage human beings.
I think I can hear it in almost every word when they talk about Mom and Dad and their kids.

And they can't wait to be done with it and get on with their own thing and forget about it.

So weird how human interrelationships mirror the cellular activity in our body.

I am so looking forward to the next journey in my life.
It's so weird right now.
I literally have nothing that you would count towards happiness.
I have no friends, no husband/lover, no job, no real money, barely any possessions. No car....
My family is dying....I'm 50,

Yet in a snap, my mind instead of spiralling that down into some depression is lifted and lighter and I feel more authentic and whole and peaceful.
And you think looking at those astrology things I got going on and with my sadness about my sister leaving that there must something external like a lottery ticket winning that is giving me this heart lightedness.
But theres not.

My body was screaming at me this morning to not work.
And I didn't listen and I hurt my back
But I stopped when blood was drawn because it's not the work I should be doing.
So I left and went and picked up my daughter and we went home.

Edit: later today I thought to draw the chart for when it happen. Approx 11:35 am.
My sister Marcy had called me this morning to say that she was here in town early. I was so thankful because my heart had been wishing she was here the day before.
I got to my dads where she was and was shocked when she told me she had come in to town almost two days before.....and then said she needed my help to continue tossing out the stuff on the property.
And it hurt and when I tried to lift the first board to keep cleaning up other people's messes....I felt a flutter and spark in my back and it just locked. And I said to myself. I Dont Need This, I have my own stuff to clean up.
Weirdly wonderful smiles that my girl reached out to me at the same time. She texted me at 11:36 to please come pick her up.

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Tue Jun 08, 2021 7:15 am

Veronica, Tom Petty (RIP) and I dedicate this song to you and all the other women on this Planet who have experienced what you were experiencing the moment you posted your above post.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2h9HPZhqHE

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue Jun 08, 2021 8:30 am

SteveS wrote:
Tue Jun 08, 2021 7:15 am
Veronica, Tom Petty (RIP) and I dedicate this song to you and all the other women on this Planet who have experienced what you were experiencing the moment you posted your above post.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2h9HPZhqHE
I knew what song you were sending before I even clicked it Steve. Thank you for that connection. It is a wonder and a gift and a blessing.

I am honoring my back and not doing anymore work for people unless they ask me themselves, and I will put on a wonderful smile and blast this song for the whole park to hear and dance in the rain with my worm friends.

I know my chart inclined one to think I'm stuck up and full of myself and think I'm all that and a bag o chips......and that runs people wrong that I seem shallow and unrealistic and disconnected with all the ugly things going on in the world.....

But I have this contradiction in myself that swings me back and forth between grief and grace, which I feel are polar sides of the same.

With my Angular Neptune I absorb.....oh my my my do I....am I just can't absorb the ugly mean scared angry feelings in the world. It's not good for me. It's like a poison in my soul.

So I will think happy thoughts and I wont back down from knowing what is best for me to do for myself and my offspring.

Thank you
From my heart to yours
https://youtu.be/12KbOAc8vmk

User avatar
Jim Eshelman
Are You Sirius?
Posts: 12694
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 12:40 pm
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Tue Jun 08, 2021 9:00 am

Veronica wrote:
Tue Jun 08, 2021 8:30 am
But I have this contradiction in myself that swings me back and forth between grief and grace, which I feel are polar sides of the same.
Yes, The eventual key experience in each is unconditional acceptance. One accepts it easily, one resists it.
Jim Eshelman
www.jeshelman.com

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sat Jun 12, 2021 6:48 am

Jim Eshelman wrote:
Tue Jun 08, 2021 9:00 am
Veronica wrote:
Tue Jun 08, 2021 8:30 am
But I have this contradiction in myself that swings me back and forth between grief and grace, which I feel are polar sides of the same.
Yes, The eventual key experience in each is unconditional acceptance. One accepts it easily, one resists it.
What a shock.
Here we are.
My sister will be passing soon, as her body shuts down. She wanted to pass on the same day as her son, June 13th.

Jim I dont understand, you said my progressed moon to Uranus is coming exact. (Completely feeling that in every cell right now). But you said it will happen again in a few months? I'm assuming Uranus goes retrograde?

It is nice to see the outpouring of love towards her from family and friends and the community. She touched many many hearts and was loved deeply.

I dont know about running a distraction for someone.
I think it's me who needs it.

I'm just not able to hold it together anymore.
It's hard to explain but last night and this morning I had these experiences where it felt as if she was looking out my eyes and that when I licked my lips and tasted my mouth.....it was like her life force in me was ....I dont know...experiencing it.
She had told me before that she wasn't going to be cheap with letting me know her spirit is watching, that she would leave me quarters, whilst her son Rudy leaves dimes. I asked her why not leave silver dollars, but she said there wernt enough of them just laying around.
And sure enough yesterday I found quarters in the most unlikely places.

User avatar
Jim Eshelman
Are You Sirius?
Posts: 12694
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 12:40 pm
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Sat Jun 12, 2021 8:50 am

Veronica wrote:
Sat Jun 12, 2021 6:48 am
Jim I dont understand, you said my progressed moon to Uranus is coming exact. (Completely feeling that in every cell right now). But you said it will happen again in a few months? I'm assuming Uranus goes retrograde?
One aspect is to natal Uranus and the other to progressed Uranus. I'll give details when I can get back to Solar Fire shortly.
I'm just not able to hold it together anymore.
Making a note to myself to see what the chart factors are that is pushing on this right now. (The circumstances in your life pushing it are obvious.) I do know that you've proven yourself incredibly enduring and able to hold it together anytime at all that you need to - and then picking a convenient time to fall apart for yourself. I suspect you'll do that again this time.
It's hard to explain but last night and this morning I had these experiences where it felt as if she was looking out my eyes and that when I licked my lips and tasted my mouth.....it was like her life force in me was ....I dont know...experiencing it.
Would that be so unusual?
Jim Eshelman
www.jeshelman.com

User avatar
Jim Eshelman
Are You Sirius?
Posts: 12694
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 12:40 pm
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Sat Jun 12, 2021 9:53 am

Jim Eshelman wrote:
Sat Jun 12, 2021 8:50 am
Veronica wrote:
Sat Jun 12, 2021 6:48 am
Jim I dont understand, you said my progressed moon to Uranus is coming exact. (Completely feeling that in every cell right now). But you said it will happen again in a few months? I'm assuming Uranus goes retrograde?
One aspect is to natal Uranus and the other to progressed Uranus. I'll give details when I can get back to Solar Fire shortly.
Your natal Uranus is 18°47' Virgo but your progressed Uranus is 16°50' Virgo - so progressed Moon hits it first. Here are your lunar progressions for the next year: Those involving Moon have an orb of one month before and after.

p Moon conj. p Uranus Jun 22 2021
p Moon op. r/p Eris Jul 13 & Jul 30 2021
op Moon conj. r Uranus Aug 20 2021
p Moon sqq. r Sun Sep 29 2021
p Moon sq. r Venus Oct 5 2021
p Moon sx. r Mars Dec 7 2021
p Moon tr. r Mercury Dec 18 2021
p Moon ssq. r Moon Dec 19 2021
p Moon sq. p Mars Dec 24 2021
p Moon ssq. r/p Neptune Jan 8 & 16 2022
p Moon ssq r Jupiter Mar 13 2022
p Moon op. p Sun [PROGRESSED FULL MOON] Mar 27 2022
p Moon ssq. p Jupiter Apr 15 2022

Of non-lunar progressions, October 2 is progressed Sun sqq. natal Jupiter, a year coming and a year going - it figures strongly in your lunar progressions especially next spring. In a pleasing, enjoying trend, you have progressed Venus sextile natal Venus exact on April 2 (more or less one year coming and going, I think). Creating friction (in the best and worst sense of the word) is progressed Mars ssq. r Moon, exact September 14 (more than a year coming and going).

BTW, it looks to me like romance this year: Late September / early October is quite good for inter-sexual pleasure and you're building to a progressed Full Moon (Moon-Sun opposition) next spring. With Jupiter so involved, it might even be a literal marriage. Have lots of fun and make lots of good choices :)
I'm just not able to hold it together anymore.
Making a note to myself to see what the chart factors are that is pushing on this right now. (The circumstances in your life pushing it are obvious.) I do know that you've proven yourself incredibly enduring and able to hold it together anytime at all that you need to - and then picking a convenient time to fall apart for yourself. I suspect you'll do that again this time.
The best thing going by transit right now is Jupiter squaring your Scorpio planets and conjoining your Sun redundantly over a few months. The most pivotal thing is probably Saturn square natal Saturn later this year: It will be time to make new decisions about where your life is going for the next seven years as you finishing readying yourself to be an open wisdom figure. (That's the best option, I think, for for beginning your third Saturn cycle, which is in about seven years.)

In the short run (current few days), transits are irritating and a little unstable, but I think the big thing going on is that Moon-Uranus progression. It increases stress, opens the gates for you to perceive and understand at a more accelerated rate for a while, and eventually (this is a good thing:) let's you stop holding it together for a while. (Each thing in its own time, right?) Moon-Uranus is exact in a week and a half and fully operational now.

Your current Demi-SLR has Sun on Descendant - people are looking to you for leadership - but it's exactly opposite your Mars. I'm sure you're angry (with all the stuff that goes with it: not always sure what you're really angry about, becoming openly angry about things that seem to small to warrant it, feeling guilty about what you're really angry about - or whatever your personal form of this is). It's all good, and it's all part of the process you're going through (and that everybody goes through in such times). A difference is that the universe is calling on you to show leadership right now.

This gets stronger June 21 or 22 when your new Lunar Return occurs with Sun on Midheaven square natal Pluto rising.
Jim Eshelman
www.jeshelman.com

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sat Jun 12, 2021 1:40 pm

Thank you.

I'm trying to digest an awful lot today but it's a funny thing that the other day I was looking at my sisters composites and progressed composites to try a get a feel for the relationship dynamics that I had been observing the past week, which was brilliantly displayed in the charts.

I saw in our progressed chart that the beginning of Oct our Progressed moon changed aspect and approaches the 12th house.

It was so nice to see that.
To see that the relationship dynamic that I feel between us, which is so so so special and wondrous feeling, doesnt change much till then.

And no, it's not so unusual for me to have those sensations with people,.......thank you for understanding that, it's that there is a crisp vivid unpollutedness....

I had wanted to tell her about my hike the other day and how I flew but she already knew, so I dont have to go to tell her.

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sat Jun 12, 2021 4:19 pm

I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for Karen.
It really came clear to me just now that without her support to my mother, I too would have died. I can't imagine being a young girl and witnessing what went on in our home.

I have a secret.

A few months ago she told me when this was all over we are moving South and not telling anyone and getting away from all these crazy shagging a$$holes.
We are going to open a store and drink coffee and listen to music and have a huge herb garden to grow herbs and stuff for potions. Just us, and maybe BrieAnna and my kids if they wanted.

It would hurt my family's feelings if I told them the truth.
If I told them our secret plan to run away from them all, that they really have absolutely no idea who we are, and what we like and need, and that we are really on a secret mission to unveil the Greater Mysteries.

I'm not going back over to my nieces. I dont need to be there and Karen doesnt need me there either.

Veronica
Synetic Member
Synetic Member
Posts: 1369
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:37 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Mon Jun 14, 2021 5:54 am

My sister always wanted to know her birth time.
We had tried working it out in the past.
We had come up with around 9am on Sept. 30, 1957 in Rochester NY.

Yesterday was surreal for me. I felt her and heard her and saw her. I remembered things from my infancy in vivid detail, things I didn't recall before, like her teaching me to swim when I was still in diapers.

Because it felt like her soul had left her body, I looked at her transits for yesterday with the 9am time, and after a few tweaks, we came to a birth time 8:26 am.

She passed this morning at 5:03am in Churchville NY where she had been living for the past 11 days.

Pluto Transiting conjunct her IC.

Her Pluto squares my moon, and all I can say about that is what she always said...." no one in this family understands who I really am and what I need...but you,Veronica...you know my soul"

User avatar
Jupiter Sets at Dawn
Irish
Irish
Posts: 3768
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 7:03 pm

Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Mon Jun 14, 2021 7:22 am

I'm so sorry.

SteveS
Irish
Irish
Posts: 4258
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 5:11 am
Gender:

Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Mon Jun 14, 2021 8:17 am

V wrote:
Her Pluto squares my moon, and all I can say about that is what she always said...." no one in this family understands who I really am and what I need...but you,Veronica...you know my soul"
A true gift of kindness---her words here to you. I understand your loss V.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests