Synastry between daughter and girlfriend

Q&A and discussion about Synastry, i.e., relationship analysis through the comparison of two horoscopes.
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Avshalom Binyamin
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Synastry between daughter and girlfriend

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Tue Jul 24, 2018 4:25 pm

So, I've been seeing someone for about 7 months. The synastry is discussed in this thread: https://solunars.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=1951

It has been a pleasant, easygoing, healthy relationship. I've had moments where I've wondered if my feelings were reciprocated the same way, whether this is a short-term relationship or has staying power, whether we're deeply compatible or not.

She's fiercely independent, which helps me not feel trapped. However, she's now beginning to feel a strong pull to re-evaluate her life direction. She's still creative and independent, but she just became an aunt, and she's feeling the pull to create family, however that looks for her.

We're not looking to move in together any time soon, but I am at the point where I'm about ready to (casually) introduce her to my daughter. I'm wondering if someone can double check my synastry analysis below--especially with a view to pointing out any red flags regarding my daughter's well-being that I may have missed.

A (my girlfriend): May 6, 1991, 5:53PM, Portland, OR
B (my daughter): March 15, 2013, 5:56PM, Portland OR

Layer One:

A Sun conjuncts B Moon (1 degree) – very favorable
A Moon squares B Moon (1 degree) – feel sympatico

A Venus squares B Sun (3 degrees) – dear friendship
A Moon opposite B Pluto (4 degrees) - "moth to the flame" sadism/masochism
A Sun opposite B Saturn (5 degrees) - painful relationship, hard to let go
A Moon square B Saturn (5 degrees)
A Venus square B Mars (5 degrees)

B Moon trine A Uranus (1 degree) – not boring!
B Moon trine A Neptune (2 degrees) – easy empathy

The first thing that I notice are the Sun-Moon and Moon-Moon aspects. The two of them appear to be even more compatible than me!

All in all, these seem pretty positive to me--except for the wide Sun-Saturn and Moon-Pluto aspects, which are a bit troubling, even though they are wide.

Layer Two:

B transits to A
Uranus sextile Saturn – a struggle between stability and change

I only see one transit here: Uranus-Saturn.
Established patterns are challenged. A tug-of-war arises in you over (a) clinging to familiar surroundings and ways of doing things, and (b) a need for change, freedom, and establishing new life trends. Initially this demand for change may seem to come from your environment. A little self-examination, however, will show you this need to alter your life stemming from some dissatisfaction within yourself, where you have outgrown current circumstances. At its worst, this tense time threatens security, evoking stubbornness and uncooperative behavior. Experienced consciously, however, it loosens rigid concepts, freeing you from limiting attitudes and circumstances. A willing acceptance of new ways now insures far greater security and stability later.
IN BRIEF: Stability vs. change. Current patterns are challenged, maybe security threatened. Tension. Either shaking material foundation and personal rigidities; or relaxing, releasing rigid concepts and freely accepting growth. Autonomous, uncooperative.
I see that in general she's grappling with issues about artistic independence vs. increased stability. I'm not sure whether this is a hit-and-run experiment where she's considering shouldering life responsibilities--although I'm not really asking her to be a step-mom here.

A transits to B
Uranus trine Moon – shift in emotional relationships, emotionally liberating
Saturn sextile Uranus – independence and rebellion
Jupiter trine Uranus – increased originality and confidence
Venus square Sun – affectionate close relationship
Moon sextile Mars – touchiness
Sun conjunct Moon – special attention from someone important

On B's side, I also see that a Uranus transit is the first aspect.

Layer Three

A Jupiter trines B Mars (3 degrees) – good mentor
A Sun trine B Pluto (5 degrees)
B Venus trine A Mars (3 degrees)
B Moon sextile A Mars (4 degrees)
A Venus trine A Neptune (5 degrees)
B Venus trine A Pluto (3 degrees)
A Jupiter sextile A Jupiter (3 degrees)

These all seem pretty unhealthy and negative to me. But in the context, I guess I would downplay them as less important variables?

Interpretation

I find all of this a bit confusing and contradictory.

But...

The two of them have very positive luminary aspects, so my underlying assumption is that this is a healthy connection.

I see themes of independence, sexual and emotional awakening, my daughter is 5, and in a few years, she will be experiencing puberty, and in need of positive women role models. Her mom is a sweet and nice person, but has over the last decade become near asexual in her self-expression. My girlfriend, on the other hand, is a fiery burlesque dancer. So I can imagine that her mere presence in my daughter's life would probably open her eyes to a different way of relating to the world. Part of me worries about this, the other part says that it's important to have a fearless, sex-positive, rebellious female role model in her life, even if it's somewhat peripherally.

Obviously the things to avoid are (1) introducing unhealthy relationships into my daughter's life and (2) introducing deep relationships quickly, only to have the person depart abruptly. My antidote to (2) is to move slowly, and not allow deeply entwined commitments to form between my daughter and a romantic partners. In three years' time, she has met a couple of my partners once or twice for casual picnic sort of things. Last year, I introduced her to my last girlfriend, and our kids bonded during a play date. In retrospect I moved too quickly, and regret it, though I don't think any lasting harm occurred (we didn't move in or anything, but they spent 1-2 days a week together for a few months before we broke up, and have seen each other 2-3 times since then).

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Jim Eshelman
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Re: Synastry between daughter and girlfriend

Post by Jim Eshelman » Tue Jul 24, 2018 4:46 pm

The worst news is that they're like to take to each other instantly and become inseparable.

Girlfriend's (G's) Sun on Daughter's (D's) Moon - partile conjunction - is a powerful contact, reinforced by the "natural girl friends" of their squared Moons. G's Venus square D's Sun, they are naturally made to be great friends.

I made a mistake when first looking at this - I had the cusps for the wrong ring, and thought G's Mercury-Mars-Neptune was on D's angles. I'd written a paragraph of worry about its toxicity, which made no sense in the face of everything else. Now that I got the chart display right, what stands out is that the most potentially toxic patterns in G's chart is of no consequence in D's chart.

Flip it around, and the same aspects stand out, since D has nothing on G's angles. The highlights are Sun to Venus, Moon to Sun-Moon, nothing from the malefics.

So, basically, if you wanted them to bond quickly and be fast friends, this would be a great chart. D will 'hook' to her quickly, they like each other a great deal, they talk freely. Regrettably, I know this is something you said you didn't want.

There are a couple of partile lesser aspects that show up in the transit search. D's Neptune to G's Mars, her Venus to her Saturn. Those are small compared to the rest of it, but would have an effect in the case of a separation if they bonded. - Remember the relationship the other day where it was your Saturn and someone's Venus? And I talked about you holding yourself back or raining on the parade? Well, that's the place G is with respect to D, maybe needing to hold back a bit.
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Avshalom Binyamin
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Re: Synastry between daughter and girlfriend

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Tue Jul 24, 2018 4:57 pm

Regrettably, I know this is something you said you didn't want.
Mainly from the worry about establishing a bond and then breaking it.

I guess this says to me don't introduce them unless she and I are committed enough to maintain the relationship between the two of them.

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Re: Synastry between daughter and girlfriend

Post by Danica » Wed Jul 25, 2018 12:16 am

Avshalom Binyamin wrote:
Tue Jul 24, 2018 4:57 pm
Regrettably, I know this is something you said you didn't want.
Mainly from the worry about establishing a bond and then breaking it.

I guess this says to me don't introduce them unless she and I are committed enough to maintain the relationship between the two of them.
Av, I'm currently in a situation in which I can pretty easily directly identify with both adult parties in your story (yourself and G). I've read this when you wrote it earlier today, and felt a strong, fiery urge to respond, but decided, instead, to self-reflect and work on dismantling my own projections that may be at play here.

Well, after half a day of reflecting on the matter (LOL, thank you for holding the mirror), the need to respond by voicing my perspective is still here and is not diminished in intensity. There's feeling of urgency - even duty - to say it, so - here you go - it's certainly not coming from a person who's fully and completely unbiased, but it is coming from a sincere place of love and respect:

The decision to not introduce them (and with knowing that their synastry is not only "passes as OK", but very good) seems to be basically motivated by fear - an attempt to protect D from an eventual future experience of emotional pain (and also, to protect yourself from pain that would inevitably be caused by seeing her being hurt).

The problem with this is: acting upon fear is the inverse of acting from Love.

And by all we do - virtually all we do, on all levels there's any doing possible for Human - we build our own self, and our own life, i.e. by our actions we most simply and directly tell the surrounding Universe who we are and what we want. And the Universe tends to respond with movements exactly matching our frequency.

If G is an important part of your life, and you truly feel good about the relationship , I don't really see a problem in simply introducing them - in contrast to not doing so "unless such-and-such". Regardless of how long the relationship with G may or may not last, making this connection is basically an act of being open (acting-toward-openness, toward relating) in both relationships, and sharing with the other person (well, yes, a 5 y.o. is a person, albeit still in early, forming phase) something which is of importance, and intimately so, to you. I see it essentially as a question of approaching relationships - at least those close personal relationships that we value the most, if not all relationships - with full integrity.

I think that parents create the stable emotional basis for children first and foremost by their own stable, continual physical & emotional - loving, attentive - presence in the earliest years [I'd go with rounding it to the first 5 years as most critical in this regard - depends on the individual, of course]. We cannot, in truth, protect them from experiencing emotional pain. What we can do is do our best to set a basic foundation for them to be able to face it when they experience it (Vs. facing the other way, running away from it), and go through it, deal with it in a healthy way. And our life choices, the decision we make, the way we face challenges and the way we deal with pain (own, and of others) - we teach our kids by all of this as much, and often times much more, than by what we say.

There.
Credit it to my natal Venus-Uranus :D
Amate Se Mutuo Cum Corda Ardentia

Avshalom Binyamin
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Re: Synastry between daughter and girlfriend

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Wed Jul 25, 2018 12:56 am

Danica

I love you and I'm glad you told me and I'm listening and you're right.

It is motivated by fear and I don't want to make life decisions based on fear.

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Danica
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Re: Synastry between daughter and girlfriend

Post by Danica » Wed Jul 25, 2018 2:13 pm

Avshalom Binyamin wrote:
Wed Jul 25, 2018 12:56 am
Danica

I love you and I'm glad you told me and I'm listening and you're right.

It is motivated by fear and I don't want to make life decisions based on fear.
<3
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Avshalom Binyamin
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Re: Synastry between daughter and girlfriend

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Thu Jul 26, 2018 7:15 am

Update: they both agreed to a zoo outing next weekend

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Jim Eshelman
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Re: Synastry between daughter and girlfriend

Post by Jim Eshelman » Thu Jul 26, 2018 7:17 am

:)
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