New partnership

[Avshalom Binyamin]

I am in a new romantic relationship, and I am curious about the synastry. It's been, frankly, pretty amazing.

Me
Date: October 8, 1980
Time: 12:00noon
Place: El Cajon, CA

Her
Date: January 22, 1982
Time: 3:51pm
Place: Mountain View, CA

Does anyone have any insights? I'm frankly overwhelmed looking at all the aspects and am having a hard time figuring out what to focus on.

[Jim Eshelman]

I'm going to assume that of the three Mountain Views in California, this is the best known, the one in Santa Clara County.

I sensed a Moon-Mars interchange from your post, and I was right. The only warning this requires is that initial intensity has to be maintained or you get in trouble. The aspect gives the choice of "sex or strife" (one might say, "f... or fight"). It burns hot, and has to stay hot. (To this, in the '70s, I applied Kilgore Trout quote to the effect that time ends all things, including immortal love.)

Quick first impressions:

Her Moon squares your Moon. Her Mars conjoins your Sun and Moon. Her Jupiter conjoin your Mercury. Strong simpatico, fierce ten-alarm fire sexual attraction, great strength to be able to be comrades-at-arms as well, and ... ah, new topic... she likes, supports, and praises your words and how you think.

Your Jupiter (and, lesser, Saturn) is on her IC. Your Moon and Sun conjoin her Mars. Your Mercury conjoins her Jupiter. Oh, and your Sun closely squares her Asc. This is pretty positive in several ways, reiterating the flip view of it, and also showing what looks more like business partner capacity (all the spin-off things that would support that, and could also help other relationships).Oh, and your Venus exactly squares her Uranus, which opens wide lots or erotic doors and possibilities. Fagan used to say that this marks romances while travelling; what I'm sure he meant was opportunistic romances. Again, the dynamic requires that things be kept new and unfolding and varying - hitting a stretch of boredom *er, let's say, "less excitement") is the foe.


Getting more detailed, viewing as if transits:

Her birth seen as an "event" in your life:
t Neptune sq. r Jupiter 19'
t Neptune oct. r Mercury 19' [midpoint 0']
t Uranus sq. r Venus 44'
t Saturn conj. r Pluto 43'
t Mars conj. r Sun 54'

This isn't quite as one-sided hot-and-bothered as the first aff. Frankly, it suggests something is being withheld from you to your detriment. I suggest you read the transits one by one to draw your conclusions on what kind of event this would be - I'm rushing to get out the door (and out of the state) and don't want my haste to mislead.

Flipping this around, we get your birth seen as an "event" in her life:

t Pluto conj. r Saturn 43'
t Jupiter sq. r Neptune 19'
t Sun conj. r Mars 54'
t Venus sq. r Uranus 44'
t Mercury oct. r Neptune 19'

This is a different feel. You kinda rock her world. This may mean you shake her security on first impression, but your presence fundamentally soothes that anxiety, gives her a sense that her worst anxieties can relax. You stir strength and a sense of variety and adventure in her.

This is very fast, my friend. Please catch my mistakes and read through the interpretations yourself, maybe using this layout as a guide. I'm quite happy to hear you so excited. Your new SSR (you're still in Portland, yes?) has an exact Venus-Pluto mundane square minutes from the angles - basically, it means divorce, eloping, or both! Intense, dramatic shifts in relationships mark the new year. Since the angular Venus is closely conjunct your Jupiter, this may be one of those wedding moments! A Sun-Mercury conjunction squares Ascendant, which alerts me that your new SSR angles are nearly identical to her natal angles.

[Avshalom Binyamin]

Thank you for your reply!

Santa Clara County

Correct.

initial intensity has to be maintained or you get in trouble

I can see that. I would say that the sexual connection is probably a relationship cornerstone, for better or worse.

The other comments seem spot on. I experience the relationship as an intense sexual connection, but also a practical, business-like partnering with lots of autonomy.

t Neptune sq. r Jupiter 19'
t Neptune oct. r Mercury 19' [midpoint 0']
t Uranus sq. r Venus 44'
t Saturn conj. r Pluto 43'
t Mars conj. r Sun 54'

This isn't quite as one-sided hot-and-bothered as the first aff. Frankly, it suggests something is being withheld from you to your detriment. I suggest you read the transits one by one to draw your conclusions on what kind of event this would be - I'm rushing to get out the door (and out of the state) and don't want my haste to mislead.

Interesting. In general, I've been the slow, patient one about the emotional pace of this relationship, and she's been more eager and impatient.

Neptune/Jupiter: I perceive her as a bit of a hustler, working a plan and an angle at any given point. I like that about her, but I do also have trust issues, and worry about being taken advantage of.

Neptune/Mercury: I experience reality with her as being more dreamlike and symbolic. I feel like an absent-minded professor around her--a bit bumbling and forgetful.

Uranus/Venus: lots of experimentation/variety. Little jealousy or off-limit ideas (we're both polyamorous and kinky).

Saturn/Pluto: I like the independence when we're not together, but I notice I do have to work to share my feelings so that I'm not distancing myself.

Mars/Sun: We tend to want to do it all, egg each other on, etc.

In short, I have ambivalent feelings sometimes. I'm not used to meeting my sexual equal. And as a divorced dad who is poly/kinky, I didn't expect to meet someone who would be compatible on both sides of those pretty different life arenas.

But then my commitment and trust issues have me squeezing the brakes about moving too quick to mingle our domestic or financial lives.

Your new SSR (you're still in Portland, yes?) has an exact Venus-Pluto mundane square minutes from the angles - basically, it means divorce, eloping, or both! Intense, dramatic shifts in relationships mark the new year. Since the angular Venus is closely conjunct your Jupiter, this may be one of those wedding moments! A Sun-Mercury conjunction squares Ascendant, which alerts me that your new SSR angles are nearly identical to her natal angles.

Yes, still in Portland.

But I don't want to get married again!! I feel like I'm barely divorced.

We are going to a wedding October 28, where I will be a member of the bridal party, and my new Tango Trio will be debuting as wedding entertainment. Maybe that's the symbolism?

[Jim Eshelman]

We are going to a wedding October 28, where I will be a member of the bridal party, and my new Tango Trio will be debuting as wedding entertainment. Maybe that's the symbolism?

I doubt it. This is far more personal than that. (Sure, debuting a music group can be an expression, but it's not the big expression.)

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Venus conj Jupiter has other meanings besides just "wedding." It just suggests a happy, productive and prosperous time for you. Maybe you get your confidence in relationships back.

[Avshalom Binyamin]

Ah, well, that one burned hot and fast.

Miscommunications started popping up pretty quickly, and arguments escalated in frequency and intensity. I started to notice some pretty dysfunctional conflict behaviors, and this week when I stood by a boundary about escalating language during arguments she blew up and dumped me over text.

[Jim Eshelman]

Sorry to hear that, my friend.

Moon-Mars. It's all Moon-Mars. Whether glory or gory, it's ALL Moon-Mars.

Time ends all things, including immortal love.

[Avshalom Binyamin]

Thank you.

Yes, it was more intense than I generally care for. Thanks to Nuit for another experience to learn from.

[FlorencedeZ.]

Moon-Mars. It's all Moon-Mars. Whether glory or gory, it's ALL Moon-Mars.

Time ends all things, including immortal love.

Would you say that a relationship is quite doomed in general when having this interchange both ways? Have you seen examples of a lifetime where this aspect is working out nicely and beneficial? Perhaps in combination with other beneficial aspects only?

[Jim Eshelman]

Would you say that a relationship is quite doomed in general when having this interchange both ways? Have you seen examples of a lifetime where this aspect is working out nicely and beneficial? Perhaps in combination with other beneficial aspects only?

I know of no example of a close Moon-Mars conjunction, opposition, or square interchange that has been permanent. I wouldn't, howeve,call them doomed - that word implies that a relationship only succeeds if it's long-term. Moon-Mars relationships serve by how hot they burn, not how long they burn.

I quite intentionally used the word "glory" (in contrast to "gorey") above. While there surely are some less pleasant Moon-Mars examples, most of them leave no major regrets. Often there are short-term regrets in the immediate aftermath (the breakups can be scathing). but it has always seemed to that, even in the roughest and most tumultuous of rides, the feeling is that it one one hell of a ride, a glorious ride, a momumental intensity of experience.

In theory, it is possible to keep these going forever, but that would require keeping the intensity at the high level - and ever pushing for more - for years. That's hard, and might be impossible. Once it falls off, only the irritants remain, with either party (b ut especially the Mars party) continuing to push for the same kind of emotional response from the other. At that point, it doesn't matter what the response is: A hurtful emotional response is as good as a pleasant one, and nothing leaves them feeling more abandoned, alone, and even craving (much like a drug addiction) than getting too little emotion from the other.

[Avshalom Binyamin]

Once it falls off, only the irritants remain, with either party (b ut especially the Mars party) continuing to push for the same kind of emotional response from the other. At that point, it doesn't matter what the response is: A hurtful emotional response is as good as a pleasant one, and nothing leaves them feeling more abandoned, alone, and even craving (much like a drug addiction) than getting too little emotion from the other.

Yes. This to a T.

When fights get muddy/confused/emotional, they feel unsafe to me, and my tendency is to de-escalate and de-emotionalize. Hers is the opposite. So when we disagreed she perceived me as cold/calculating/unsafe, and I perceived her as escalating/manipulative. So it was a no-win feedback loop.

I think a person would really have to like the emotional intensity of a high-conflict on-again-off-again romance to last longer than me.

And yes, in retrospect, I have no *major* regrets. The breakup was sudden and hurtful, but the bottom line is that I stood up for my own self-respect and I didn't make any major life sacrifices in the 5 months of our brief relationship. And there were good points. The sexual intensity and freedom was unique.