Veronica

Post by **Jim Eshelman** » Mon Jun 25, 2018 2:48 pm

If you want to share personal information that only registered members of the forum can see, you can post the in Club Aldebaran.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Tue Jun 26, 2018 7:01 am

forgot about that.

I have some great news that I wanted to share.

On may 29 2018, at about 2:30 I finally was able to have my spinal injections into my c5/c6.

this was possibly one of the hardest things I have done. I was scared out of my mind going in that I could very well become paralysis, or that the injections would cause an inverse reaction (my body is super sensitive to medication) and I would be right back in that level of pain where I was begging to die.

I had no one to go with me, so my emotions were flared a the reality of my loneliness and abandonment of all my friends and family at a point in time when I wanted someone to be with me holding my hand. everyone was too busy. I had to drive myself there and back.

it was the absolute worst. I would rather carry octuplets at 10lbs each then go through that again.
to say that it hurt was an understatement. to say that I was scared out of my mind that the surgeon was gonna miss and mess me up for life is an understatement. to say that I was afraid of the pain I have been dealing with now for two years is not even close.

when it was over, I just lay face down on the surgery table and the tears just poured out. I couldn't hold it back, and I am sure that nurses and the surgeon were not prepared for someone crying like that, after the procedure.

it hurt and burned for two days, but I am now relatively pain free. I can move my upper body and arms like used to. I can breath with out the pressure hurting my back, and I can clean my home and pack my stuff up and do cartwheels and handstands again.

in looking at my chart of this I see that the moon is 5degrees Scorpio which makes it pretty conjunct with my natal moon/Neptune/Jupiter.

so that's great news.
they told me that they didn't know if this was the correct location to give the injections and that I am supposed to have a series of 6 injections (3 a piece=18 total) to find the sweet spot.

I know that I did it once and it didn't kill me and I have relief now, but honestly I don't think I can willingly go back and lay on that table and let them do that, knowing how bad it hurts. I pray that they found the sweet spot and I will not be a lab rat and that I am done with this pain.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Thu Jun 28, 2018 7:10 pm

some words in another thread made me reflect on my own chart and my planets placements.

I thought that in our charts it would seem to me that sometimes things that we have (ie my mars at home in Scorpio) which when looked at solely through the eyes of a static natal chart are strengths: of character, development and eventually biology, when applied to what is happening in the flux of the here and now (transits) are transformed in a way into challenges. (ie the wonderful Mars Neptune aspect I am trodding trough).

it makes me think of the "theory" that each planet is a consciousness of its own and we are a tool, in which we as an individual dot in time and space (our unique birth chart) act as a modifier to enhance and faciliate the evolution of the universe.

I was thinking how mars is so uncomfortable in cancer for example, and in a natal chart this shows as a certain relam of characteristics and it is normally not thought of as a strength but a challenge. But sometimes during certain transits and progressions, mars in cancer gets a reprieve in way and get aspected by something cool (not sure what exactly that would be, maybe a nice moon aspect?) and is its different for a while in a way, giving a taste of a different blend that in that instant would be strenth.

mars in scorpio in my psyche gives me a lot of giddy up and go and confidence and drive and that is a great thing.
sometimes though, when certain things come around, that same giddy up and go cofidence and strenght means that I have a very strong charateristic that is out of its cofy chair and all whacked out. like a circuit overload of some sort, spilled coffee on it, uped the voltage, dust got in the keyboard sort of thing.

I would like to think that each chart, each individual life, even though it has a prewritten starting point of this and that blend of placements, both seemingliy good and bad, has the potential to expierence the plethera of other cominations of placements through the course of ones life. I would also think that as time and space went by, the perspective during those transits and progressions would be built upon like a scaffold of expiernces and thus memory from which the whole cosmos benifits.

just a though

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Fri Jun 29, 2018 5:03 am

today it seems that the beautiful transiting moon is conjunct my natal venus at 20 degree sag.

I do feel better today, and saw in the thread about moon transits this:

Moon-Venus, Moon-Mars]
A typical reaction when the Moon is aspecting your Venus is to have a yen to go shopping. If you stay home, the mood to clean, rearrange furniture, shine mirrors, or cook a special dish, often asserts itself. It is also remarkable how often Moon to Venus will make you forget your traditional grudges and peeves, and you are able to make friendly small talk with people you can't stand at most other times.

a yen to go shopping.....
its a beautiful day in upstate and going to be a hot one. I went to the farmers market yesterday and bought some special foods that only I like to cook for din tonight! I also had planned on doing quite a bit of house cleaning, getting ready for my move and all.

and I had an urge to get out of the house and maybe go to the local casino to see a show tonight and see if I would be lucky in the slots and maybe recoup some of that cash those little buggers took from me.

but....I dont have loot to just toss to the wind.

would it possibly be a good time to follow that yen to go and try my luck?

transiting jupiter is sexitile my venus I do believe which feels lucky, but Im not one to put stock in luck, but algorythems and cycles....

edit: btw I am planning on going and getting out anyways, I really need a break and I am not a reckless gambler and wouldn't dump money down the drain since I so very very much need it. if someone said, hey yea it might be a winner tonight, and then I lost my 20 bucks, I would never hold it against the stars or any feed back given here.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Fri Jun 29, 2018 7:09 am

grand funk railroad is playing:)

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Fri Jun 29, 2018 7:44 am

I have a friend Mike who has been a very close person to me since about 15. we always meshed very well. I think he has a wonderful chart. this past fall he started loosing people very close to him, dying of overdoses and accidents. I spent some time with him this spring talking to him about his chart because all these deaths and a bunch of legal matters were very taxing on his gentle soul.

here is his data

mike
born November 2, 1972 1:09 am ( birth certificate)
Rochester NY

he has a most beautiful collection of five planets in virgo, and the saturn aspect is a huge deal bc his father.....well his father and him have major bones between them.

any hoo, he loves the funk like I do, and so he is going to the show with me.
when I looked at his chart for the day, it seems as if transiting Jupiter is almost exact his sun, as well as Saturn being almost exact transit his Jupiter.
now I wouldnt say he has a gampbling problem, but he does love to play the slots.

he lost a great friend on Tuesday in a violent major car crash in the area and had his license taken away for driving drunk the night of his brothers funeral (Jan?ish) he could use a little funky fun, and I hope that being with crazy ol me will brighten up his otherwise not so perky disposition.

FlorencedeZ. · Post by **FlorencedeZ.** » Fri Jun 29, 2018 9:28 am

Hi Veronica, the synastry between the two of you is really nice and reflects quite well what you wrote about about him.
Some of the things: Moon and Neptune are on each other's angles. Your Sun and Jupiter are partile on his angle and his Mercury and Venus are on your angle. The Mercury aspects are also fortunate for communication, his Mercury aspecting your Moon and his Venus octile your Mercury.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Fri Jun 29, 2018 10:13 am

thanks Flo for sharing!
all those things you mentioned are probably why we are both of each others longest opposite sex friend. we are both blessed to have each other.

I'm not sure I am see what you are seeing with regard to his mercury and his Venus being on my angle though. it looks like to me that they are not. my moon/Jupiter/Neptune are near his dec angle, which is where his mercury is as well. His Venus seems to far away from my IC to mean much. am I missing something?

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Fri Jun 29, 2018 10:17 am

I just got the best thing in the mail today!
I haven't gotten good mail in about a year.
I got a wedding invite to an old friend from elementary school! AND
I got my kids report cards in which except for that bugger of a gym class,
both my highschoolers got almost all a's and ended up with GPA of 87.9 and 86.7!!
so yea yea yea for that!

proud momma moment:)

FlorencedeZ. · Post by **FlorencedeZ.** » Fri Jun 29, 2018 10:34 am

Veronica wrote: Fri Jun 29, 2018 10:13 am I'm not sure I am see what you are seeing with regard to his mercury and his Venus being on my angle though.

From what I am seeing, his Mercury is squaring your IC, orb 0'53 and his Venus squares your Ascendant just a little over three degrees so yes that is perhaps a bit too wide.

Post by **Jim Eshelman** » Fri Jun 29, 2018 10:39 am

Congratulations

Venus is opposite your Mercury yesterday and today. Nice mail!

Also, while Uranus and Neptune concurrently transit your Mars, you should take every opportunity to have some fun and brightness. After all, when are you ever going to be this reckless and foolish again? <vbseg>

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Fri Jun 29, 2018 11:28 am

thank you. I didn't look in the mailbox yesterday, it was raining.

I just about lmao at your closing remarks, because after all, when *am* I going to be this reckless and foolish again.....me????reckless and foolish? didn't I already take that class? I think Im in summer school myself:)

if I showed this summary to my friend

URANUS aspecting Natal MARS
Restless and active, you now experience an accelerated need to push past old limits. Activities involving individual will and energy gain importance to you now, especially if physical and if granting new freedom to plot your own course. For instance, in your work you are highly industrious and enterprising, capable of major accomplishment through sheer effort and clear-sighted evaluation. Sexual intensification is likely, as part of your awakened physicality (though you are probably in no mood to "settle down"). Rebellious, mischievous, tending to take more risks, and prone to abrupt outbursts of passion or anger, you do well to guard against accidents (particularly with other's feelings). Turn your adventurous energies toward a formidable constructive accomplishment.
IN BRIEF: Restless, rebellious, abrupt, risk-taking. Industrious, enterprising. Awakens passions and sense of sexual adventure. Obstinate, forces issues. Need for "elbow room." ]

he would say
oh boy, here we go again. Ill bring the band aides.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Mon Jul 02, 2018 4:15 pm

Vindictiveness……

So that is supposed to be a trait for us with Scorpio moons. That in our nature we have a steak of vindictiveness. Now that word often makes a soul thing of something bad, of revenge or meanness.

Webster dictionary says this
ADJECTIVE
1. having or showing a strong or unreasoning desire for revenge.
"the criticism was both vindictive and personalized"
synonyms: vengeful · out for revenge · revengeful · avenging · unforgiving · grudge-bearing · resentful · ill-disposed · implacable · unrelenting · acrimonious ·
[more]

But I always look into the etymology of a word, where did it come from, when and where did the word originate….. and this is where Vindictive comes from….

vindictive (adj.) 1610s, "vengeful," from Latin vindicta "revenge" (see vindication) + -ive; or perhaps a shortening of vindicative based on the Latin word. From 1620s as "punitive, retributive," rather than personally vengeful or deliberately cruel. Related: Vindictively

so there we have it.

tit for tat sort of thing.

I fully admit to having this trait. And I have looked into the origins of my feelings about this.
I am not a person to go about the world harming others. I mind my own business and take care of my side of the street so to speak.

But the things is,
When someone crosses my street and shits on my lawn.
I will pick up that shit and promptly give it right back to them, and I wont do it some covert way, some sneeky way, because that’s not the point of vindictiveness.
The point is to let the person you are now tossing their shit back at know full well that it is you doing it, and to let them know why you are doing it, and then in a way only allowed by grace I suppose, smile at them and let it go because the shit is gone.

Last night, on my new private phone number at 1;11 and 1;12 am I was woken up by a phone call from some older man, talking about my pussy and what he was going to do to my pussy, how much he wanted my pussy and other such nonsenses. The first phone call I was really dead asleep and not really hearing all that was being garbled at me (really sounded like someone not using their real voice). I hung up after 24 seconds of this gibberish, upon which the person called back and for 49 seconds continued on about my pussy, literally like just saying the word over and over for a few sentences as if he really didn’t have much else to say. I set the phone down at about 20 seconds and watched the timer on the phone go to 49 and then he hung up.

Really rude. What jerk calls someone like that. You don’t even call your lover and do something so…..nasty…..

I was pretty {nassed} bc I had to be at the hospital at 5 am with my sister bc she was having major surgery on a herniate lung and broken ribs and it is very hard for me to get back to sleep. My dogs were awake now and I had to take them out and just {bonked} up my night.

I was also {nassed} bc this person was in a very real way using words that could be described as threatening rape, violence and torture to my beautiful little pussy. They weren’t nice words to make me happy and Horney and want this person as a lover, for sure. I hate violence against women in any for, and I do not let men around me slack off into thinking they can sexually harass me in any way shape or for, and I do not allow them to even speak harassingly about other females around me. I crack a really hard whip when guys want to subjugate women like that.

Soooooo, this is how I got em back.
I posted an ad for a free jazzucci hot tub on a “bulletin board” online with the fellows phone number.
I let it sit all day, and then about 5pm I texted the number and said
“its raining
Its pouring
The old man is snoring

Is the hot tub still available?”

To which I got PDQ
In one text “shut the {bonk} up”
The second a minute latter “no its not available”
And a minute later “bitch, I don’t even know you Bitch”

I think he does know me, it certainly wasn’t a wrong number because he called me back last night after his first pussy talk, and continued on…….if he misdialed the first time, well he wouldn’t have done it again….unless hes an idiot he deliberately called me, and since only about 20 people in the world have my phone number, and that is including family…….makes a person wonder.

I will clarify, bc as you all know, if this person legit did know me, he wouldn’t be calling me and {bonking} with me at 1am. Scorpio moons need their sleep and we will kill for it

Now I know that if a person was sleezy enough to call me and say those things, that they are sleezy enough to do a lot of other shit, and I wanted this man to know that I will not be played with and I will not lay down and be abused.

So I responded back
“Tit for tat
U called me
Or don’t you remember ur shit talk last night?
Have a great day.”

I waited a moment and continued
“Don’t call people at 1am being a douche bag and expect them to roll over and take it.
Pussy”.

I felt my spirit become enflamed.
It is so powerful it scares me.
Makes me think of the incredible hulk
my blood was hot the minute he responded to my first text, and I could feel my adrenaline really pumping now.

I clarified some facts for the poor guy
“my number is private so……whats your deal? WTF u want?”

To which I wanted him also to be aware of another point so I added
“I will call the police.
No problem.
Don’t {bonk} with me, bc you are right
You don’t know me.
Be blessed and laugh at yourself”

And then I sent him finally a screen shot of my phone log showing his calls to my number
Saying
“the proof is in the pudding
Smile your on camera
Peace”

I deleted the ad at that point.

I could have let it go, but ya know I think this world is going to hell because people let other people slide on shit, and I don’t think it really is vindictive to call them on that. It was wrong, I felt wronged and I now feel better that I did not let this poor soul pass with out telling him that it what he did was unacceptable to me.

It was only a bunch of phone calls and texts in a way.
But his original threats to me, heard by a woman of weaker constitution them me, a real wrong number could have had profound effects that he is a part of. ( he may have accidently called your grandmother one night and gave her a heart attack from the fear of a rapist coming for her)

Post by **Jim Eshelman** » Mon Jul 02, 2018 4:23 pm

Brava.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Mon Jul 02, 2018 4:37 pm

thanks.
I think people dont understand vindictivness well. I know I didnt understand it for a long time and I have spent quite a bit of time ruminating over my actions that I have done when i get into that "mode" of thinking.

it made me also think that for some reason possibly, people like me with scorpio moons, who have this sexual thing going on that draws male attention and reactions get treated in way that brings this charactistic out. all my vindictiveness has a sexual base in a dysfunctional relationship of some sort.

I dont like saying "get treated" though, becuase it seems much deeper then that and seems to take away my part in the interactions which I am aware I am playing a part so I am not deniying that role, just wish i had a better term for it.....

its like, other people would never dream of calling up someone else and saying that, someone with a different moon. I know thats not true, but it seems that I get more then my fair share of men inappropirately attempting to interact sexually with me.
just musings.....

Mon Jul 02, 2018 5:26 pm

Could have been... my grandmother. She told me and I called the sheriff. She got two deputies out to talk to her (she was thrilled) and the idiot called just after the phone company set up a capture on her line while they were still there.
Whoopsie.

ETA: I have a Libra Mars. I usually get over being angry pretty fast and am usually not much for holding grudges, but when someone does something bullying or nasty or threatens one of my animals, I have been known to plan natural consequences in great detail.

Avshalom Binyamin · Post by **Avshalom Binyamin** » Mon Jul 02, 2018 6:32 pm

I'm a scorpio mars. And revenge fantasies like this are my bread and butter. Nice job, V.

SteveS · Post by **SteveS** » Tue Jul 03, 2018 3:17 am

Scorpio Moon here partile 135 Mars. Whenever someone does grave injustice against someone close to me, I ask the Universe to use me as seeking revenge on them. You know like the old saying: "We reap what we sow." I ask the Universe to use me as the reaper. Back in my younger school days I saw a lot of bullying which fired- off my Scorpio Moon 135 Mars and I would use physical means on the bully. Later in life I started using organized legal means in a war like manner with my natural born Virgo abilities against the bullies who battered women and children in my community. I certainly can relate to your well thought-out use of revenge V, well done.

And I can relate to JSAD's feelings about her pets. Don't ever let me see someone abusing an animal, particularly a cat.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Tue Jul 03, 2018 5:12 am

If I really had a cat, and this person was calling up and threatening my cat.....
I woulda have flip out and a "prank" posting on a bulletin board would have just been the start. I would have called the police right then and there.

but because he was talking about me and my "parts" it didn't bother me as much.

when someone does somethings against me, treats me poorly or injustly it is hard for me to not loose my cool and not over react.
if I am caught up in the moment i know that my emotions flood my system and it really feels like i am drunk on this power surge and in the morning i am in a very real way hung over and have a hard time accurately recalling what really went down.
over time i have tried to pull myself down from these feelings and to take a pause
and not react but to let the black and red fade from my being and allow me time to think about my perception of the injustice, as well as what the other parties motive/intention/purpose reason for what went down. I do try to put myself in thier shoes, and see the larger picture, and try to accurately let my response (the balanceing of the scales, and using me as the reaper) be an appropriate one to the percieved injustice.
hence I only prank called this jerk back.

I too have asked the Universe to flow through me and allow me to be a vessel upon which it works bringing serverity/mercy to the soul. But I tell ya, that while it seems like an easy enough thing to do, has been for me very challenging because I am then forced to see the much larger picture of what is going on in the greater cycles of life in this cosmos, the deeper cycles that are at play, and while I might be mad as a hornet nest about some jerk stalking me and reading my diaries and doing creepy things and i desire the universe to bop him on the head and remind him of Lorena Bobbit, I am humbled and reminded that it is my attitude and perception, that it is what is going on inside my head and heart that is really the bigger issue in most cases.

bread and butter hmmmm Av? I hear that. I wonder in my case if my abilty to conjur up acts of vengenousness in my mind of the most horrific kinds are the result of too many horro stories as a child, or my neptune/moon in scorpio as well. I have had some very terrifing thoughts about what I would done to certain specific men who have physically hurt me. I recall one boy as a teen who was very violent against me, and I spent alot of time thinking about what that boy had coming to him. when he was shot and killed by the police and exposed as the sick soul he was I was relieved in a way that he would never hurt another girl like he did to me, but I was also scared to let my mind wander down those dark paths, even though they seemed like the right path at the moment.

I had a boy drug me, and who knows what happened. I wont even allow myself to go there.
I knew something happened. I knew something bad happened.
but I didnt have any memeory, so for for years I was able to just pretned that nothing did.
and then years later when i encountered this sick soul, I tried to give him the benifit of the doubt and I tried to treat him like a human being and I tried to just be nice and forget. I figured that if he had really done what I thought he did, there would be no way he would be able to talk with me and be nice to me and all that, because a hurtful person like that couldn't be able to wear a false mask, I assumed.
but then he boasted that it was real.
and that when i dreamed again of murderous things and all that.
it ate away at me and it was hard to come to terms with.
He knows that I know and if the universe wants it will aloow me to "bump" into this sick soul. but im not going to go looking for him. I trust that the universe will balance any debts and all accounts will always be settled.

SteveS · Post by **SteveS** » Tue Jul 03, 2018 7:44 am

Mars is in all of us, and when injustices occur near us and our family, friends, pets, etc, then I think its the time to use our Mars. Mars revenge uncontrolled is a dangerous expression for revenge, and I like your controlled manner V in reacting with revenge.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Tue Jul 03, 2018 2:12 pm

Thanks Steve,
I am getting mellow in my old age:)
sometimes....
my nieces were telling me to plop that number on pages called grinder and backpage ect.......not sure what those are but by the pirate twinkles in thier eye i think they are nastier then the population on craigslist.

I coulda posted a hundred ads in a hundred cities, but I controlled myself.

the poor soul just needed love after all.....

SteveS · Post by **SteveS** » Tue Jul 03, 2018 2:22 pm

v wrote:

my nieces were telling me to plop that number on pages called grinder and backpage ect.......not sure what those are but by the pirate twinkles in their eye i think they are nastier then the population on craigslist.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Sat Jul 07, 2018 4:03 am

I go to court on Tuesday (finally) for our adjustment in child support.
if all goes well, I will simply provide my financial data to the court, as will my ex
and hopefully then they will simply review and either make an indication then, or give me another court date to come back. I really don't know how this procedure unfolds and with the games my ex plays, who knows what could happen.

so I looked at my chart transits on that day and some things of note that I saw was the moon opposite my Moon/Neptune/Jupiter
as well as mars pretty wide conjunct my mercury,
as well as mercury opposite my mercury.

Ive been going to court with this man in one way shape or form for almost 5 years now. by myself. he brings with him as many people as he can fit in the car it seems. I sit over by the police and I have no contact.
I always wished to have people come with me, my family and friends and big biker guys that I know and of course Craig, always. (wont catch him in a court house unless hes on the docket) I always wanted, not to be alone at those horrible times, and taking your ex to court and being pulled into court are always horrible times, at least for me.
this time though, at least for the past few days anyways, I want to go and just sit opposite of him and stare at him, bite my tounge but just look at him and in a real way I suppose, let him know that I do think I am fully in the right about all these issues and I wont back down and I wont be bowled over and intimated. its hard though. at least it has been hard in the past in these situations, to try and show compassion and mercy and forgivenness and all that healthy mind/heart gymnastics that humans do.

jupiter is in the sign of balance which I will take as blessing.

I had him arrested a while back which I am sure soured him even more towards me, so I am curious about what this day might bring my way.

SteveS · Post by **SteveS** » Sat Jul 07, 2018 4:35 am

V, do you have an AA rated birth time with your birth certificate. I don't do Sidereal Astrology work without an AA birth time. I did not see your birth data listed on forum members

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Sat Jul 07, 2018 5:04 am

my BC say 12:41pm

SteveS · Post by **SteveS** » Sat Jul 07, 2018 8:34 am

V, you may not get what you want on your court day with the stack of charts I analyzed, but the Judge may delay judgement to a later date. I looked at many charts, but my favorite chart to analyze is the Solar Quotidian (SQ), when you know ahead of time an ‘out of ordinary’ incident scheduled on a specific date. Below is link to your SQ 12,00 Noon on July 10 for Rochester, NY. Is your residence still close to Rochester? I find this SQ most interesting and I think is shows par-excellent symbolism for the circumstances surrounding your day in court. Remember SQ's are daily charts.

SQ Mars in Azi partile cnj SQ Anti-Vertex, a sensitive chart point, partile 120 North Node 1,06 cnj SQ MC. Obviously the North Node which symbolizes life "connections" with people is your ex-husband over a dispute (Mars) with alimony. SQ Mars partile SQ Neptune indicating you may not get entirely what you want, but SQ Moon a very important component in SQ charting is partile 135 SQ Jupiter-- so maybe a partial increase with alimony. Moon-Jupiter is good—so lets hope you have a good day in court.

July 10th SQ Chart:
https://imgur.com/a/LEx5XVn

Sat Jul 07, 2018 9:26 am

Veronica wrote: Sat Jul 07, 2018 4:03 am I want to go and just sit opposite of him and stare at him, bite my tounge but just look at him and in a real way I suppose, let him know that I do think I am fully in the right about all these issues and I wont back down and I wont be bowled over and intimated. its hard though. at least it has been hard in the past in these situations, to try and show compassion and mercy and forgivenness and all that healthy mind/heart gymnastics that humans do.

Why do you care if your ex knows you think you're fully in the right? What matters is the judge thinks you're in the right. So pay attention to the judge, and don't give your energy, to your ex. When you're giving him your focus and attention, and when you're actively ignoring him, you're giving your ex your power. Don't avoid looking at him, but he's not the important person in the room, and he doesn't need your attention.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Sat Jul 07, 2018 10:52 am

Jupiter Sets at Dawn wrote: Sat Jul 07, 2018 9:26 am
Veronica wrote: Sat Jul 07, 2018 4:03 am I want to go and just sit opposite of him and stare at him, bite my tounge but just look at him and in a real way I suppose, let him know that I do think I am fully in the right about all these issues and I wont back down and I wont be bowled over and intimated. its hard though. at least it has been hard in the past in these situations, to try and show compassion and mercy and forgivenness and all that healthy mind/heart gymnastics that humans do.
Why do you care if your ex knows you think you're fully in the right? What matters is the judge thinks you're in the right. So pay attention to the judge, and don't give your energy, to your ex. When you're giving him your focus and attention, and when you're actively ignoring him, you're giving your ex your power. Don't avoid looking at him, but he's not the important person in the room, and he doesn't need your attention.

Great advice and I hear you and that was my mid set.
I should have clarified. I ment, before I go into the court room (which you are not allowed to bring in other people at all no matter) when I am sitting in the main lobby like area ( this is the county court building, which means there will be about 200+ people waiting for their turn) THAT is where I want to sit directly in front of him, surrounded by hundred of strange eyes upon him and us. I want to look him in the eye before he goes into court with his lawyer to try to dispute that he should pay his fair share of his childrens living expenses. It wouldnt be a cold hard mean stare either it would just be the truth, a perplexing quizzical look to see if he will look at me and see me for once in his life. I dont care what he thinks one bit, because I know its all garbage fueled with hate and ager and jealousy and rage bound into an explosive cockatil.
im just curious to see what that would be like.

Sat Jul 07, 2018 11:25 am

I still think that's giving your power to your ex, but I hope the day turns out well for you.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Sat Jul 07, 2018 11:45 am

Jupiter Sets at Dawn wrote: Sat Jul 07, 2018 11:25 am I still think that's giving your power to your ex, but I hope the day turns out well for you.

your right it is. in a way

but I also know him, and I know that being forced to sit across from me, with me staring at him, will make him sweat, and tremble, and turn red, and his breathing will get all messed up, and he will look like a big fat tomatoe who is about to burst, and cant do a dam thing about it......thats me in a way juicing up.

in a cruel way, it is almost an amzaing thisng to witness.

I dont know if you have ever stared into the eyes of someone who literally wants to kill you: who is looking at you with a murderous rage, for simply existing and holding your own personal belief system to your heart. its not nice and it was underserved. I think he deserves to have someone look at him with love an dcompassion and forgiveness....and he cant take that about me.

Sometimes, in certain situations it is completely appropriate to give your power to someone.

thank yo for your well wishes, they are much appreciated, like always I value your input:)

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Sat Jul 07, 2018 4:04 pm

thank you Steve for taking the time to look into my charts for me. I am very interested in learning how to better look at these things myself, and I have to admit that your detailed response was fascinating, but it did express ideas/theories? that I am unfamiliar with, so my understanding of the meaning and how you came up with the data is pre-k.

the way Eric plays ball with the court systems is almost maddening, so I do believe you are right that my court date is not going to be coming up roses. the other thing that I truly do feel as well, is that Eric would have no qualms about just quitting his job for a while.
in his work he can make a living under the table for a while (machinist)……

ironically, after I wrote this, I was driving down the road and Eric pulled right out in front of me, with a truck filled with what appears to be all his stuff. he had been living in a small studio apartment. if I know him, he went out and got himself a huge place to up his rent, so that when the courts look at his financial papers instead of paying 250 in rent, he is now paying 2k. hes a jerk like that.

oh well, out of my hands, but I do love how the universe seems to put my in the right spot at the right time....

SteveS · Post by **SteveS** » Sun Jul 08, 2018 3:19 am

V wrote:

if I know him, he went out and got himself a huge place to up his rent, so that when the courts look at his financial papers instead of paying 250 in rent, he is now paying 2k. hes a jerk like that.

If he does this and things don't go your way in court, I would try to speak to the Judge and ask Judge to give me a little time to prove Eric is using false pretenses for his financial papers. With some simple investigated work, this should be easy to prove to Judge. Judges don't like trickery in their Court and have the power to reverse rulings of any kind with proofs of court trickery. May true justice be on your side V.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:57 am

so, today went as aspected (expected, lol)

he did not show up with the lawyer, and the magistrate was not happy about that. he said he was representing himself.
he did not bring his w-2s for 2017, but 2016 NY (no fed), which showed his income at 55k.

after her calculations she determined that the children should be getting $218 a week (my birthday number, lol)

she asked if I was happy with that, at whihc point I told her that I believed the children were entitleed to %25, and I had documentation that shows he is making conciderably more then what he is declaring, and that we also have 2.5 years of errears owed.

so he has a bunch of document to provide and noterize and we will be back on court on Aug. 17th.

which has a nice semi conjuct Transiting venus to my Uranus, and some nice jupiter aspects.

I got there first and got the hot seat right by the door, when he got off the elevator he was alone and stood there for a moment looking at me, until i looked up from my book and made eye contact and then continued reading. in the courtroom, he quickly got upset with the magistrates berating him for jerking her around about the lawyer, and his voice broke and he got all red and sounded like he was gonna cry when he heard me refuse the 218.

upon dismissal, I arose quickly and slid over to him a packet of "mememtos and his original Birth certificate, things I had found in the house that I thought he may life to have. didnt say a word, just slid it to him and slid out the door.

so I know I am getting at least 218, whihc is better then the 180, and hopefully she will grant us the 25% of current income and/or at least calculate an errears amount and garnish a portotion of that out as well.

so good things.

SteveS · Post by **SteveS** » Tue Jul 10, 2018 6:35 pm

Keep us informed with happenings on Aug 17.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:08 am

a few weeks ago when I went to the Casino for the concert, we hooked up with a old chum from Jr. High and his wife.
even though me and this girl have met briefly before, we never hung out, and it was a very nice connection that we had that nite, lots of pleseant small talk and girly things. After the concert, this couple texted my firned mike who I was with and told him to give me their phone number.

it was a nice feeling, becasue ususally females have no interest in hanging out with me, and this womans husband, was someone who in jr high I had thought was a really nice guy, even though he was an outcast of sorts and bullied. we always jibed well in class and made each other laugh.

well anyways, this woman hit me up the other day and asked if I would like to go to the lynard Skynard show with them, 20 dollars to see Charlie Daniels, Marshall Tucker and Skynard. I grew up with my older brothers listening to southern rock and I Had wanted to go, but......its a harsh crowd, and well, not to be judgemental but pretty redneck and all that MAGA stuff, to put it nicely. These are the type of people (the crowd)who dont really click with me, and espicially the males. its the sort of thing I wouldnt go to by myself, and even going with a bodygaurd puts me at a sensitive point.

if I am looking at my charts correctrly I see

progressed mars conjunct my venus
progressed moon square my moon, jupiter, neptune
progressed Pluto conjuct my pluto
progresses jupiter conjunct my moon
progressed neptune conjunct my moon

and for transits i see
transit venus opposite my sun
transit moon opposite my venus
transit mercury opposite my mercury

it is going to be 90 degrees today, and I am sure the beer is going to be following in people.

I am looking forward to the show and hanging with April and Scott, they are really nice people and I enjoy talking with April.

I am also hoping to "ride" a wonderful ride where you are buckeled into this swing like apperatus,.......hauled up into the sky and then dropped like a pendulm to swing back and forth like a flying bird.

Free Bird will be playing in my head lol.

I used to attend concerts alot, and alwasy had a very strong sence of the crowds energy. i find crowds very taxing and overwhelming at times, espicially if I am not in my proper head space and being my authentic self. I tend to shirk and try to not draw attention, but I get so happy and excited listening to music and being around happy people that.....things tend to get rough altercations of violence.

I dont really like the Mar/venus conjuction going on, I had some very bad dream the other night, that stuck with me for the day, but Im not going to let that stop me.

On an aside: I noted that it was mentioned that during this transit stuff I got working for me now with Mars/neptune that I need to be cautious of my immune system. I have severe allergies, that have been in remission since I split with Eric (!) but now that I am packing up my belongings and such, have hit me full force. I am thinking that for me, this aspect is telling me that during this phase of moving and shifting and all that, that my immune system is going to be assulted with things that are gonna make me severly uncomfortable, so i should stock up on benadryl and my inhalers.

SteveS · Post by **SteveS** » Fri Jul 13, 2018 8:42 am

I never go to a music concert without first checking the stack of Sidereal Mundane Astrology (SMA) charts to get a feel for the psychological reactions of the crowd at the concert. I will try to give you an example later of the par-excellent planetary symbolism for the free Stones Concert many years ago in California policed by the Hell's Angels when things turned very ugly and a person was knifed to death, halting this free concert. If you want to offer the time and date for the Skynard Concert, Jim or I will be glad to scan the psychological temperature for this concert. After Jim taught me SMA, I never ever plan any kind of outdoor venue where thousands of people gather without first checking the stack of charts for SMA.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Fri Jul 13, 2018 9:18 am

gate open at 6pm july 13, 2018 in Darien Center NY.

Im turning off my pc and heading out so I can jump on that ride before the show. but will check on my smarter then me phone.
thanks:)

my irish skin is goona need sunscreen....moon opposite the sun

SteveS · Post by **SteveS** » Fri Jul 13, 2018 4:51 pm

We go to musical concerts to soak-up the good music--enjoy.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:09 am

SteveS wrote: Fri Jul 13, 2018 4:51 pm We go to musical concerts to soak-up the good music--enjoy.

ah but I could very well do that at home. I could llisten to all the songs and sing and dance to my little hearts contect and really get myself into a blissful state, all alone. I dont go to concerts for the music. I go because i have a need to be apart of the crowd, to see all the different sorts of people in the world and get myself Out of myself and gain perspective that the world is filled with every little walk of life, each one with its strenghts and weaknesses. I go out to the stores, or to the park because I have a deep need to set aside myself and expierence the greater cycles and movements of life.

it was hard for me in some ways to walk around an amusment park all afternoon by myself, surrounded by scores of people all grouped togther in thier little families/circles. In many ways I am looking for a connection (ie someone to relate to talk to/ ride teh rollercoaster with) but I have this air of unappraochablitly. people do not usually ever approach/connect to me unless I give some sort of signal that it is ok. Craig actually in a very mature way told me how I send mixed signals to males espicially, a smile, eye contact open posture....he actually sees right through the {bs} games I play with myself and calls me on it.

when the show was over and it was time for me to walk the long walk back to my car all by myself, my friends were worried for me walking throught the parking lots of drunken tailgaters who were the residul afterbirth of the show. I told them that its ok, men dont ever come up and appraoch me and if they do cat call or act like I am prey, my nature quickly flairs up in an affronted way and the pirate look in my eye lets them know I will have no problems serving them back the same. I look like a handleful and a challenge and trouble, and most it seems find that attractive at first, but the natrure of most people it seems is the desire to avoid trouble and danger, and the blokes know intuitvely that I can go the rounds.

it was a great show and the sky was so beautiful, we even had fireworks and lasers and not to toot my own horn, but I have never been to a concert where anyone can make as much noise as I. I am blessed with the ability to whistle louder then any train. it always shooks everyone around me, that I can do that. My girlfriend came up after she first heard my whistle and asked how on earth can I make that loud noise, I said something about I am a messenger from god and I was blessed with the gift of being noisy and drawing attention to myself.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 10:17 am

over the winter when I worked at goodwill, I encounted a man who I clicked with. he was buying books and was chit chatting about what types of books he was interested in. low and behold he was among other things, a professional treasure hunter of sorts (!) and a geologist who had traveled the world mining and fossil hunting and all that stuff that I had ever dreamed of doing back in the day. His wife had gotten an excellent job and the had recently relocetde to the area. ironically they live a few a mile or so down the road. I went over to their home, and found it to be a mansion, 36 plus rooms, each one filled to the brim with stuff, expensive rare original stuff, books, paintings, gems and minerals, every where you looked.

he asked me one day to take a trip with him to his farm, where they had lived to gather up a bunch of stuff left behind. and this home was as equally rich. it really was an assult on my sences to be in these rooms, with no bear walls, no clean surfaces, no blank slate, just stimulus after stimulus.
he told me about all the times he had moved across country, lugging all this booty with him.....rocks are freaking a PITA to move as well as books, crystals, art......ect....

it blew my mind.

in my early life I seemed to have amased a collection of things that fed my ego, my books and clothes and jewerly and crystals and such, things that in a way helped empower and strenghten my ego and give me an identy. my boyfriend Jason deleighted in buying me things that he thought would make me happy and resonate with my desires. my husband on the other hand hated my things, and would destroy them, pissing on my books and plants, burning my journals, breaking the crystals and nick knacks my mother had given me, and just in a very real way trying to destroy me via destroying my things. eric also in a moment of regret (?) would lavish me with unwanted things like slutty clothes, a drum set, lasers, disco ball, and just stuff I had no desire for, but he wanted to make up for hurting me so he would spend hundred of dollars on stupid things to feed his ego I suppose.

Craig really never bought me things like jason and eric would. Craid gave me practical things, like a cooker, and nice respectful clothes and good food. even though he had more money then both those blokes together, he never tried to buy me, or impress me or make me feel indebted to his generousness or give me things just to make me happy. he knew things dont make me happy. I really liked that about him. he gave me what I needed and what I would ask for. al I have to do is ask, and he would give it to me, and I wouldn't have to prostitute myself for things like eric and Jason made me feel like. I may have to wait a bit though but Craig also has a better sence of time then I do (in some regards) and a sence of timing.

as Im packing up all my stuff I am just floored with this desire to throw it all away, to pass it all on. all my books and clothes and crystals and knick knacks, and things I used to hold so close to my heart as a part of me. I have no attachment to. I want no attachment to these things. I think about the home I need to move to, and how Im supposed to decorate and embelish and make it mine, so that my kids have a sence of self and identy and security.....but it feels so hollow and false. I have things that are very valuable, to the right person, things that are beautiful and inspiring, to the right person, yet that person just isnt me anymore.

I dont know what I am going to do with all this stuff, I want to just toss it. but my things are a very real symbolic repersentation of my own inner garbage, and like a good environmentalist I understand there is no "away" to toss your garbage it all ends up somewhere for someone else to process and break down and desseminate. like the sad process of clearing out a beloved possesions when they die, and what a horror that is for the family, and how instead of realy looking at the items as a fragmant of the person lost and appreciating it and seeing it and the person for what it is, people just box it up, dirt dust doghair and all, and haul it to Goodwill and get a tax right off for making someone else deall with thier garbage.

my new friends love thier stuff and go out hunting for more stuff everyday and Im happy for them that they have that entertainment. yet ive really shifted away from who I was projecting out, and really would much rather have a home with nothing in it save a few little objects that fill me with love when i look at it. I want my new home to be like a butterfly net, trapping in natural beauty and love and letting that love dance across empty walls and surfaces freely with out getting enshared on aspects and angles and forgrounds and backgrounds and all that.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 2:14 pm

I came across this gem today, while reading another thread and it really struck Accord with me.
Mr. Eshelman said

“Remember:
1. Change is inevitable - we either take it in small doses over time (if we are open to change) or in large doses all at once (if we resist change until it becomes irresistible).
2. How you view/experience life now does not necessarily bear much relationship to how the person you will be in (say) five years views/experiences life, and you probably have no way of knowing what that will be. (You can't see the new perspective on the world until you are standing in the new lookout point).
3. The main point of all of this is to evolve you. Life will drive you toward certain internal change. You can make these voluntarily on a purely psychological fashion, or events can "corner" you into making a new choice or adopting a new way of looking/thinking. I think the key to a happier life is to hear the universe when it whispers so that it doesn't have to eventually scream at you.

Right now, life should be exciting - opening new possibilities - exposing you to new realizations - most things looking so new that you think you haven't seen them before. Your biggest foe in this is the habit of looking at things the way you always have in the past, and wanting things to stay the same.”

Well that certainly got me a little hot and bothered, in a good way. It made me reflect upon some harsh words I had heard from my father and friends about what good my beliefs actually do me, what good use does knowing these astrological connections serve in the here and now. How can knowing that mars is square Neptune help in any practical real way. Especially when it can be down right depressing in a way to know that you are in some funky mud for a while and there isn’t much you can do but endure.
But there is something “much” you can do
All these aspects and angles and symbols and connections that we see and experience and can track and say, yup that a stop sign, yup that’s a hospital sign, yup a curve is coming, is a very powerful way of experiencing all the rich diverse dynamics that life has. It is a human need for information, a need to feel apart of the greaterness of life, and not a part from it, splashing against the currents of life from which we have no control over.
You cant stop what’s coming down the road. You can control your attitude about it though.
I look at afflicted charts of friends and family members and see the signs, but my limited perception only allows me to see the signs that are apparent to me. There are a million and one other things out in the world, influencing us, each and every moment, on top of mars and moon and dna, so many things that we cannot comprehend. I stop and ask myself, what would make this better, easier, nicer for them. There is always only one answer.
When I got to the end of this little gem, and read the words….”right now, life should be exciting” and that sentence in the context of the original post, was like a friendly pat on the back saying, you have some good things in your chart right now…. I was like AHA! I gotcha. But I reread it, because I know I never have an real arguement with Mr. E and that I need to slow down as sec.

Mr. Eshelman is a Master of Words, and while that is what he meant, that right then and there some good astrology was going on……I believe that he also was reminding us all that in each and every moment of life, each breathe should be infused with enthusiasm and most of all Love, because while the charts may show things that are going on around us that we do know how to interpret, there is also a lot of unseen influences going on at every single moment, and it serves us well to make the most of each moment right now, and to live with Love in your heart.
When Mr. Eshelman wrote “I don’t care what the charts show……, this isn’t good for you” I had a vain…..HA! moment, smug in myself in a way that their was something to be said about my relationship with Craig…….
Yet again though, the Master of Words, was not validating my lovesickness. He was demonstrating Love for me by saying there is so much we cannot see and understand, and while the charts may say such and such about transits and connections and all, that we must allow ourselves to trust that there are unseen forces going on, and that when the road map is saying one thing, but the reality is different then you must get out of your head, and into your heart, and act through your heart.
When you shut yourself down, and get ridged and cold and dwelling on things in the past it is a death, and it is a very hard habit to get out of. Love is the most important medicine for all afflictions, whether it be a sniffle or a Saturn return.

Post by **Jim Eshelman** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 2:45 pm

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Thu Jul 19, 2018 7:29 am

“All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.” J.M. Barrie

Once upon a time,
That’s how the best stories start. They hook you in with a mystical opening to lead your heart to the possibility of your own imagination. They don’t start out, with a specific date and time and fill in all the blanks for you. They let your own mind wander to what ever time and place your self needs. Those four little words have the power to be like a firm foundation, the corner stones of what ever your heart desires to build upon. They remind me of the phrase Love under will, and I think in a very real way they are the same, and that they are a key to unlocking the greatest tool box humanity has at its disposal. Imagination.

My own story is a collection of words that I tell myself about who I was. I can say at any moment, I am Veronica, I’m 47 , I live in NY, I have two children, and as I tell my story I am concreting in the now my past, who I was and what experiences I have had. Yet there is so much more to my story, my past then what my words used to describe it are, I select the things I want to focus on, the things I think are important, the things I think will help me navigate my world around me. I chain myself down with all these words and all these telling’s of my story, my perspective in an attempt to relate to my world and survive as best I see fit.

I collect books. That’s another story about myself. I collect the words that others have painstaking laid out to express some perspective, experience and reality. To the authors of these works I have collected they must have been a very important message, to go through all the trouble of forming the ideas in the head, of writing them down and rewriting them so the perceived audience would be best able to receive the message, to understand what this other human being thought was so vital to Know.

Books are a wonderful thing, and the words I have found in some books have changed me in ways I never thought possible. They got into my head and made me pause and reflect and then through a strange process similar to conception, they plant a seed in my heart, a seed of life that if I nurture and care for, will grow into a beautiful flower.

I love flowers. Love love love them. Each one reminds me of how life struggled to be, to live and fully express all that it was capable of expressing. Once upon a time, our hot bright sun shined down on this planet, before there were flowers, or life at all and fed the waters of Gaia with a possibility. Yet the waters did not Know what to do with all this energy at first, the sun beat down and nothing was happening no life until one day some little spot exploded with the possibility of life. the spot was able to take the energy, the life giving information that it was being fed from the sun, and understood that and became more then just one spot. Cellular division, the cell, that had within it the code of all life potentials was able to divide itself, and move beyond the limits of just being one single sell, and thus over time developed into a plant, which developed in to a flower.

It was a miracle of life that gave that original cell the desire to move beyond what it had been into what it could be. It moved beyond its old story it had been telling itself and was in the moment and made a choice to become something different.

Humans forget. Humans forget that they have that power within them at each and every moment in time to write themselves a new story. To be more specific though, it is mostly adults that forget that they have the magical ability to play with the imagination and to create from their dreams a new reality. Children though, who are still awash in the deep waters of the creative womb can play and let their fanciful mind make real what ever they want. They can play with dolls, or trucks or building blocks, or sticks and stones and leaves and they will dip into that pool and transform reality, the ultimate magi, they weave the threads of a potentiality that is as real as anything in this world. The house they build out of legos is just as real as the house I live in, to a child.

I lived in a story once, that was sad and mean to my perspective, to my limited senses. It was not fanciful and full of potential but dark and cold and unpromising. It was torture to live that way, and my being was slowly growing old and cold and dead, and the life force of nature screamed out to me to dip into the realm of childhood, into that limitless potential of what could be, and to dream a new dream.

When I awoke from my dream, I had a renewed Love that filled me that moved me towards being alive to the fullest.
I dreamed a simple dream, a dream of another, of another who in my dream seemed so perfect and complete and whole and open and Loving, and my being was transformed from the depts of Death to reach like the germ of a seed breaking through the hard shell, pushing through the earth, reaching towards the warmth of the sun to live and express life.

Now reality of the world seems so concrete and firm and unyielding but that is not the truth, reality is just the opposite, fluid, and flexible and yielding but our limited human capabilities veil us from these truths and we have to push and stretch like the little seed and move beyond the cold earth, beyond the force of gravity, beyond the hands of time and Love ourselves and trust ourselves, which is a magical thing, something a child does so easily.

In my dream, I met a man and we had dinner and simple conversations and at the end of our dinner he gave me a way to stay in touch, he gave me an address in which I could write to him. I felt so good waking from this simple dream, it filled me with hope. It filled with such emotion that it carried into my reality, into my day to day life and changed that cold hard story I had been in, into a story filled with love of life and the mysteries of life.

Now one usually does not dream a dream like that and have it pan out to be anything but a fancy, but my dream was different for it was filled with a deep desirous need to break the chains that I had bound and wound myself to, to rewrite my story into one that had a happy ending, and a happy begiing and a happy everything in between. I needed more, I needed something beyond a dream I needed something concrete in this solid world.
I was so inspired by my new feeling of hope for life, this feeling from a simple sleeping dream that I wrote words down to try and express what the gift of this dream had done to me, how it had transformed me from my old story into a whole new book. It was a simple poem that spoke of love and hope and inspiration. When I had awoke from this dream into the reality of earth, I had this address this contact to reach out to this dream man, and so in a bold moment of desire to share this precious gift of renewed life, I sent my poem to the address I pulled out of thin air in my dream state.

I sent a love Poem to a real life Rock Star. A man who was world famous. A man who by all means should be completely unreachable and unattainable. In my dream I had seen the email address he wrote down, and in my reality I sent my poem of love and desire to him, out of a need to feel validated that I was not just imagining some fancy fantasy of meeting a rock star.

He wrote back and thanked me for my beautiful words. He wrote back and validated that dreams can come true. Yet of course the reality is if you are a millionaire rock star and you receive a love poem from someone, defenses go up, and fear of the unknow creeps in a manner created to support survival.

This validation that I had of my beautiful simple dream of having a nice dinner and chat with someone who had enriched my life with his music, who had barred his soul through his tender songs and shared his pain with the worlds, fed me in the most incredible way, it fed my desire to break from from this old story of death and decay that I had been living in. I was filled like a child with all sorts of dreams and potentials and in a vain attempt to bring my new found love of life, of the love of the miracle of possibility I looked deeper into this man and found that when I looked at him I saw so much of me, the things that hurt and the pain and the sadness.

This man, by simply being a ghost in a dream gifted me with a self empowering feeling that I thought I could take on the world, that I could do anything. If I could dream up the actual email address of a rock star, then why limit myself to just that. Yet I also felt a deep desire to share with this man something I had, a gift to me that had helped me get through the cold dark days. It was a book of hope and promise and inspiration. I wanted to give back to him some little bit of the gift of renewed Love that unbeknownst to him he had given me. It was my most precious book and I wrapped it up and sent it to him, and it was sent back and my Love felt frustrated yet not deterred.

And in that moment when the book came back and the antagonist in my story found it in the mailbox, my cold hard story transformed into a different sort of hell. A hell in which I now was truly consciously being attacked and hurt and suffered spiritual murder on top of real threats of murder.

The man in my dream gave me another key, a more important key then the email address. He gave me a number. In a simple article in a magazine, he dropped his key for the whole world to see, a key to all there is to Know. The moment I saw this number, printed in black and white I knew it was a key, even though I had no idea at all what it meant, or what door it would open or what it meant. It inspired me to look and see what I could find out about this number and what this rock star could possibly be talking about.

So I looked up this number on the internet and it led me to a man who I believe is the keeper of all the keys to unlocking our hearts desire.
And that is my story of how I got the pleasure of knowing Mr. James Eshelman. Hes a funny guy and he has a heart of pure gold. He wouldn’t let my last post on my chart sit right where I thought it should sit. Nope. 93 million miles and now back again.

The thing that I love the absolute most about Craig is how at anytime of day, any time…..when he sees me, or picks up the phone or sends a text he opens up the line of communication with the most powerful words in the world. Words that wipe away every little thing in the past, every bad thing, words that ring of the promise of any all potentiality.

“Good Morning”
And when his silly friends say, “its four oclock buddy”
He smiles
And says

"Its morning somewhere."

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:12 am

came across this gem and had a really good laugh at myself

"AQUARIUS (Feb 12-Mar 13) You have an inventive mind, are inclined to be
progressive and opportunistic, and like to do your own thing. You
obviously smoke too much dope. Because you are organized enough to just
go about getting things done, people think you are offbeat, cool,
and non-committal. You tend to volunteer for things like the first
space flight to the Moon. You are tolerant of others, support communal
living and love-ins rather than war, are offhand about paying your
debts, and are therefore obviously an anarchist. You don't care who you
sleep with as long as there is variety. Otherwise, Aquarians make good
social welfare workers-that is, when they are not traveling the globe
living off whoever will take them in. Since you don't care how you
look--plaids with stripes and no two socks alike--people think you are
stupid and lazy. You believe in the universality of all people. Hence,
you are a threat to the status quo."

the minute I heard about a possible colony on mars......I was like.....sign me up!!!

I will say that I have been very controlled in my sleeping habits, never acting on my love for a variety of people. I have even wore mismatched boots on occasion. Obviously....

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Sun Jul 22, 2018 12:19 pm

My books are my babies.
I have that wonderful placement in my chart that says so. Mercury/Venus semi sextile
All my life people have given me books. It’s like they knew I would enjoy the story or message, or what ever was between the front and back cover. I would not be lying if I said at one point, I had over 10,000 books. I’m down to a few thousand now and it is quite liberating on one hand to go through my collection and see which ones are ready to be let go, yet it is very hard for me on another level. I have this notion that books are meant to be shared, to be passed on, to know the story with in and be able to give that story away with out losing the germ it planted inside of you. Books are to be enjoyed by a person, a tool for so many different needs a human could have, there is a book for that, but there comes a time when you need to let it leave your hand and go into the care of another, so that they can experience the power of the being transformed and taken away.
Yet, as I see them as my babies, it is very hard thing to do, to let go of these books I love and trust that someone else will open them and experience all the magic waiting to behold inside. Its very much like a mother who raises a child and then when the child is ready to be enjoyed by society you lt them go and trust that they know their story and can withstand the public scrutiny of sharing themselves with the world with out a protective mother there to back them up.
The world can be a hard cruel thing to a book, they get lost or misplaced, set on a table and covered with other layers of life, they can burn up in a fire or get wet and moldy from water, temperature and sunlight will fade them and make them brittle and dirt and dust and doghair will invite unseen parasites and books worms to nestle down. They are just so sensitive and need just the right conditions to endure the hardships of life on this planet.
Yet books come from the original source, just like we do. They are made of fiber of life, woven together after having been particularized by a process of pulping mixing, water and air and intent with the fibers of life. To say that a book is a tree, is a very easy simile to grasp, for we know that we make paper out of pulp and transform it into a new shape with a new purpose. Yet to say that a book is a person would be an absurd thought to many, but in the reality of the world and book is very much like a person.
And that’s why each one of my books is so precious to me and valuable and worthy of being read and looked through, just like human is so valuable and worthy of being see and understood and accepted, no matter what the book is about. It came from a tree, it came from the same source as we all did.
I have this lovely thought in my head as I box up my books, and dispense them to different places no longer under my careful watch. I think about the person who is going to come across it and be drawn to it message, to its story, how the next person will get this little treasure and have the potential to explore it in all its fine details, or just use it as a doorstop like so many Webster dictionaries seem to end up. I say a little prayer of thanks to it for sharing itself with me, for being there for me to use and enjoy, and I say a little prayer that the universe will watch out for this little gem and keep it safe from fires and drips and fits of rage and I say a prayer of hope to bring just the perfect person that needs this book to it, to be drawn like star crossed lovers across a sea of pulp to be joined in some manner of time and space together.
I really do this, in my heart, no joke.
Just like a mother sending her kids off into the world.

Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:05 pm

I give my old books to small rural libraries, which generally shelve them rather than sell them. I use kindle and the library instead of buying more books. You can ask them to buy books they don't have, and they mostly do.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Sun Jul 22, 2018 7:03 pm

Most all of my books are going to my own small little local library. they have an annual booksale in Oct. (which I ran and organized for two years grossing almost 20k for them by actually organizing the subject and authors) they have some renovations that they want to do, so this should help them with that. the library is an old music hall from the turn of the century, very quaint and historic. I loved that job, didn't get paid for it but it was so fulfilling.
I have some set aside as well for when the school year starts, Iam going to bring them to work and let the children there take them. I made a lot of great little friends there and I think some of them would really like my books, and its a great way to encourage kids to read which is very important.
Craig gave me a kindle and I just love it. It is so light weight and I can zoom the print in and out now that my eyes get tired easier.

I do like borrowing books from the library, but some how I get stupid fines and I hate that, I take more then I can reasonably read and then have issues letting books return that I didn't read.

I have brought collections of books to the jail, to the midwives offices, to St. Michaels Church downtown, to the local welfare office, to the Army recruiting station, and the hospital. each place getting books to fit that niche.

I also going to bring a bunch of my more specialized books to my friends metaphysical store, she lets me sell on consignment so I may even make a few bucks:)

my family wont take books from me anymore I kinda over did it with them.

Sun Jul 22, 2018 9:21 pm

No, no. Borrow books online. They get returned automatically. No fines. Also, just borrow one at a time, because you can get another day or night, and you don't have to put shoes on to do it.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Mon Jul 23, 2018 3:13 am

Oh! I see what your saying. I have done that in the past a few times, especially with audible files and hot new books.
Had to laugh about the shoes, because there comes a time in the day when gravity just says no way, and certain articles of clothing come off and that means Mommas in for the night, and damn any accruing library fine or milk for tea, its just not happening. I personally think that "Bra off O'clock" is a very real time that while it fluctuates like the moon and could probably be demonstrated on a nice spread sheet and become predictable.

Veronica · Post by **Veronica** » Mon Jul 23, 2018 6:10 am

What happened in my home while I was growing up could very well be an episode of American Horror story. I am sure a lot of families had much worse things going on, and I hope that those people are able to find some comfort and release for what must have been a psychological terror that imprinted themselves into baggage carried through out life.

Ive spent some time looking into my fathers chart and looking into the charts of my siblings and seeing what is there. I do that because a very deep part of me want to deny and say I made it up and that it wasn’t real and it certainly wasn’t as I recall and if it was, it certainly wasn’t as bad as I recall. I mean, every family has problems and dysfunctions and why shouldn’t mine. I read that astrology should more be used after the fact, to validate what had happened, then to look and see what is coming.

Like for me and my relationship with Craig, I didn’t look at our charts much at all during our romance and it was only when I felt it was truly over did I have the heart to look and see if what I felt and experience had any validity that would show in a chart. And then Mr. E said…..you have no transit activity, you and Craig pretty much have nothing to show…..which may have turned off other people if they got that news and let them shrug it off as nothing.

But for me to have gone through what felt like the deepest depths of hell and have nothing to show for it, just {nassed} me off, and made me more negative and you got to witness me kicking and screaming (sorry about that) insisting I knew I had just gone through something really big and was feeling all kinds of sideways about things.

My father is going to die soon. He was born in 1932. That was a long time ago.

When my mother died I was 26 and it was unexpected. This is expected, and this is going to bring up a lot of garbage from my siblings. I hate having to take the garbage out. Its messy and stinky and above all, leaves a trace of things that went on inside. Evidence of things consumed and used up and tossed away into the social garbage heap.

Back in the day, people used to be very careful about what they trough away, because someone could go through your garbage and learn all your private secrets, what type of food you ate, what your bills were, how much hair is falling out into your hairbrush, how hard you scrub your teeth with a tooth brush. All forensic evidence of how you live your life.

Emotional and psychological garbage is no different. I know I have a lot of garbage and I do try to clean up after myself and process it and turn my trash into a treasure.

I look at my fathers chart and I feel the pain and anger and sadness, I know huis story I know his timeline and I can see it right there. I don’t like looking at it, because hes old and dying and I do wish he wasn’t afflicted and tormented and hurting, but that’s fred, that’s his life and how he lived it and the choices he made along the way. my fathers had a few catch phrases that he would roar the first was "you will mind me" asserting his will over his home, which made me go...."mind you? why should I, your mean and hurt the people who love you" and his second was "I like you, I have to love you, but I don't have to like you." which reeked worse then hearing him straight out insult us.

I like to forget the ugliness and hurtfulness and cruelty, I like to pretend it never happened, but its there, its in my chart, its in my siblings chart and my mothers and his. But I guess if I am to use astrology as a tool for knowing thyself, then I must be able to look past a chart that seemingly has nothing good going on, nothing going on, nothing nice to say and put a positive on it, like you all are very capable of doing, and focus on the most important thing, being here now fully engaged in loving life as it comes.