Lance: Chart Discussion

[Lance]

Personally, this really would be the first time I really noticed the SLR without any transits to blame.

Which leads perfectly into my next question.

Is there a peak to the SLR phenomena?

Any hypothesis as to why I should only really notice it through a preponderance of incidents all occurring only within these past five days?

Thank you for your patience.

[Jim Eshelman]

Not a peak as such, no,. It reliably starts about a day before it occurs and lasts until succeeded.

To figure out why something stirred things now, I'd have to look at a dozen or more things, any of which could have been a trigger. (I don't really have time for that right now, but maybe somebody else could check the entire arsenal of valid techniques.)

[Lance]

Oh no, that’s not necessary. I just had the question about peaks.

Thank you.

[Lance]

Looking back, I don’t think that was my correct SLR. I can’t reproduce it.

F.

Smh.

[Jim Eshelman]

Looking back, I don’t think that was my correct SLR. I can’t reproduce it.

When you wrote on April 30, Moon was in late Libra.

Yes, I think you made a calculation error, but there's interesting stuff. First, the April 13 SLR was quite a nice one - Venus setting (exactly opposite your Mercury) and, especially, Jupiter on EP. Venus and Jupiter in foreground opposition (closer mundanely than ecliptically).

But you'd also recently had your Demi-SLR. This occurred April 26 and would have been felt from about the 25th. It's predominantly Mars-Pluto + Uranus (well-suited to breaking things, injuries, etc.). Uranus is 2°24' above Descendant. Mars and Pluto are each 7° east of IC and conjunct (0°16').

[Lance]

Guess I’m going to have to start taking the Demi seriously too.

Thanks for the read.

[Jim Eshelman]

Guess I’m going to have to start taking the Demi seriously too.

I take them as essentially as strong as the full lunars, but for a shorter period of time.

[Lance]

Mental Health - t Saturn/r Neptune Pattern

I'm a little hesitant to go into this, but I'm more interested in feedback and correction if there is any.

I have a mood disorder. I don't really want to go into it very far for privacy sake, but I have to give the basic context.

There have been two times in my life when it really flared up very badly. Both times, seven years apart, I was not medicated at the origin of the flare-up. That's never going to happen again, by the way, but that's how it happened twice.

Both times, I went manic and delusional. Both times coincided with a Saturn transit to my natal Neptune - square the first time, conjunct the second. Both times, it was a three-pass event, pass, retrograde, then pass again. And both times, the flare-up only occurred on the third and final pass. The first time, the square was partile. The second time, the conjunction was a few days short of becoming partile when it started.

What I've also noticed is that the quality of the mania and delusion followed the influence of the other active transits at the time.

The first time, the original nature of the mania was definitely euphoric.
Jupiter partile square Uranus
Jupiter partile semisquare Neptune

The second time, the original nature of the mania was definitely dysphoric (angry).
Pluto partile square Mars

This is huge for me... This means it's predictable. Full dose on the meds. Should be okay.

[Jim Eshelman]

Thanks for sharing this with us, Lance. We don't have nearly enough data on this, so there are surely important things to learn from it.

I have a mood disorder. I don't really want to go into it very far for privacy sake, but I have to give the basic context.

The particular disorder is symbolically a best-fit for Aries; but I suspect you will agree that Libra's symbolism is hardly a bad fit. I don't know if that's an actual astrological fit, but it's a reasonable guess. I'm just thinking aloud as I think my way through this natal analysis.)

What I think is more certain is that Libra - from the strong Saturn - is prone to lean on the depressed side of normal (i.e., of the statistical norm). The Pisces Moon is hardly a "mood disorder" placement all by itself, but adding that Neptune theme into a slight depressive tendency amplifies it.

I also note your acute Moon-Jupiter-Pluto T-square in the immediate background. In terms of natal potential for a biological unbalance, I think this must be the key aspect. One can break this apart - a bit of Moon 'destabilization' from Pluto alternating with Jupiter effects. In general, though, if you think about the character traits of your Moon-Jupiter-Pluto I think you will find clues to this particular pattern and perhaps conditions you can change to rebalance it.

In issues of mental health, one rightly can wonder whether a cause is more organic, neurological, purely psychological, hormonal, other chemical... and the horoscope should be able to tell us which of these body systems is most likely to stir up some problems. For example, you have a close Venus-Saturn square in the background: I'm pretty sure you have a hormonal imbalance that could be physically identified (perhaps correctible by medication, perhaps by diet, perhaps by behavior or cognitive changes) - but I'd certainly recommend that you check that piece of biochemistry.

You have a lot of planets that are fine-to-positive and likely don't show such a problem, e.g., Sun or Mercury. I'm not going to attempt an elaborate astro-psychiatric breakdown (I'm just rambling), but I think this afflicted Venus pattern shows an area of biological vulnerability, and the Moon-Jupiter-Pluto shows very powerful intrapsychic things that are tied to this condition.

Both times coincided with a Saturn transit to my natal Neptune

Clearly, transiting Saturn to natal Neptune is symbolically correct and one might think we don't have to look further. You, of course, can dig through the usual fine-points of the aspect to see if there are particular clues to attitudes, ways or responding to the world, etc. that are helpful to you.

I was wondering, though, if there is something thus far unrecognized about your Neptune. It's middleground. Its aspects are not all that unusual (it aspects Uranus and Pluto, and has a wide trine to Moon - which isn't close to being the closest Moon aspect, though it gains a boost from Moon being in Pisces).

The answer might be in midpoints. Your Neptune is 19' from the Mercury/Saturn midpoint, 33' from Mars/MC. I don't have Ebertin at hand for fine points but, generally, Ne = Me/Sa = Ma/MC looks psychiatrically interesting. Me/Sa corresponds to ordered thought, mental labor, restricted communication channels - it's a little depressive naturally, tends toward controlled states of mind. Ma/MC deals with ego-dynamics, assertion into the world, feeling the freedom to hurl yourself into self-originated dynamic action as an unfurling of will, etc. One begins to anticipate parental or other environmental control issues, diffused anger issues, spinning wheels about how to act in the fact of blockages - the usual fare from being human Since you have Neptune semi-square Uranus, this links to the strong Uranus midpoints of Ur = Sun/Mars = Mars/Asc. It might be worth looking into these a bit deeper.

What I've also noticed is that the quality of the mania and delusion followed the influence of the other active transits at the time.

This is the most fascinating detail, in the sense of learning something new - and it totally fits general principles!

This is huge for me... This means it's predictable. Full dose on the meds. Should be okay.

I can see that this is a really big deal - quite powerful knowledge. Very cool.

Interestingly, the strongest transiting factors right now (as you are discovering this) are Saturn conjunct your Jupiter and square your Pluto - the planets aspecting that background Moon. I suspect this is an after-effect of Uranus' opposition to your Sun - something set in motion on self-exploration with that. Not sure where this line of thought will lead, just observing what's there.

You're also about 6 months short of a progressed New Moon - a fresh start - two months after a progressed Moon-Neptune conjunction (did something during that transit stir up memories of the earlier cycles - making them a bit too close to feel secure?). You're exactly at a progressed Venus-Mars conjunction (despite the usual expected behaviors and events, this sets hormones into wider swings, I think).

[SteveS]

Lance wrote:

I have a mood disorder. There have been two times in my life when it really flared up very badly. Both times, seven years apart, I was not medicated at the origin of the flare-up. That's never going to happen again, by the way, but that's how it happened twice. Both times, I went manic and delusional. Both times coincided with a Saturn transit to my natal Neptune - square the first time, conjunct the second. Both times, it was a three-pass event, pass, retrograde, then pass again. And both times, the flare-up only occurred on the third and final pass. The first time, the square was partile. The second time, the conjunction was a few days short of becoming partile when it started. What I've also noticed is that the quality of the mania and delusion followed the influence of the other active transits at the time.

Jim wrote:

The answer might be in midpoints.

I agree. The American astrologer who has done the most statistical work with Midpoints is Robert Hand. Robert followed the work of Ebertin with midpoints. Robert stated, “all midpoints are not created equal.” Midpoints involving our Natal Angles and Lights are much more important according to Hands statistical work and the work by Ebertin with Midpoints. Robert’s work clearly demonstrated that DIRECT midpoints (1 degree orb or less) involving natal lights and the MC-ASC were the most important midpoints in a Natal Chart. Lance, you have 13 Direct Midpoints in your Natal Chart and Robert Hand would rate your Neptune/MC = Moon 1,00 as the most potent midpoint in your Natal Chart, because it is the only one involving both a Natal Light and an Angle, your MC, which involves a malefic, Neptune. I would think one’s moods may be somewhat more governed by our Natal Moons. Here is what Ebertin says about psychological tones for the most important Direct Midpoint in your Natal Chart.
Nep/MC=Moon:

The tendency to revel in fanciful imaginings, an active an intense imagination, a misinterpretations of observations and perceptions, a dreamy nature, a peculiar state of feeling.

If we are to seek an answer for your ‘mood disorder’ in your Natal Chart, I strongly suspect by Robert Hand’s & Ebertin’s work, we can isolate this Nep/MC=Moon as the malefic astrological cause & effect for your ‘mood disorder’ at times in your life. 0,90,180 malefic transits to one of the 3 planets making-up this Direct Midpoint offers you very high probability for isolating the times in your life when your ‘mood disorder’ may flare-up. I hope this helps you in your life for better management for your possible ‘mood disorder.’ at certain times in your life.

[Lance]

Thank you both. You've given me a lot to digest.

[Lance]

I also note your acute Moon-Jupiter-Pluto T-square in the immediate background. In terms of natal potential for a biological unbalance, I think this must be the key aspect. One can break this apart - a bit of Moon 'destabilization' from Pluto alternating with Jupiter effects. In general, though, if you think about the character traits of your Moon-Jupiter-Pluto I think you will find clues to this particular pattern and perhaps conditions you can change to rebalance it.

Primarily, I've only considered the Jupiter/Pluto aspect, thinking the Moon just emphasized it. But now you make me think of it in terms of the Moon emphasizing two alternating (relative) opposites.

Regarding Jupiter/Pluto, in a nutshell, I want the best for myself and others, and most institutions are too inflexible, obsolete, and more interested in their own self-preservation, etc., etc... Religious institutions, political institutions, counseling license agencies, my employer - all down the line. It sounds cheesy and grandiose, but it's like the old "spirit of the prophets," challenging the current order. Nothing's good enough. I recognize this in myself. It's takes conscious effort to let institutions "be human." If I'm griping, it's usually something along these lines.

P.S. That congressional hearing yesterday with Strzok had me twisting in my seat, biting my knuckle, and cursing under my breath. If I had to sit there and take it like he did, it would probably be the end of me - standing on the desk calling on God to send down the fire. Talk about going crazy...

Confronting that which prevents the best... or knocking the dust off my feet and walking away... or both.

But like I said, you have me thinking about alternating Moon-emphasized Jupiter and Moon-emphasized Pluto. It's definitely true. I alternate between the social/anti-social poles of the two. It confuses people. They'll be expecting one version of me, and I'll present the other. I've previously just considered it an aspect of my introversion. Jupiter it up until I'm used up, then Pluto go escape, hide, and recharge.

I can't easily see the tie-in with the disorder though.

Hmm....

But the Jupiter/Pluto comes back to me as more key. I lean toward dissatisfaction and frustration with everything, seeing myself as motivated by my understanding of what's best. "Nobody cares enough not to be stupid and selfish." All the time. I really have to stay conscious not to be a scold on social media or with my extended family.

Okay, yeah.. that's a big one. Kind of angry about that all the time, which ties in to my disorder.

So that's what that is.

How might one rebalance that?

[Jim Eshelman]

Regarding Jupiter/Pluto, in a nutshell, I want the best for myself and others, and most institutions are too inflexible, obsolete, and more interested in their own self-preservation, etc., etc... Religious institutions, political institutions, counseling license agencies, my employer - all down the line. It sounds cheesy and grandiose, but it's like the old "spirit of the prophets," challenging the current order. Nothing's good enough. I recognize this in myself. It's takes conscious effort to let institutions "be human." If I'm griping, it's usually something along these lines. ...

Confronting that which prevents the best... or knocking the dust off my feet and walking away... or both.

I lean toward dissatisfaction and frustration with everything, seeing myself as motivated by my understanding of what's best. "Nobody cares enough not to be stupid and selfish." All the time. I really have to stay conscious not to be a scold on social media or with my extended family.

These are some really good Jupiter-Pluto notes. Thanks, I'll probably be drawing on this as I revisit what I want to say about Jupiter-Pluto in the near-to-medium future.

But like I said, you have me thinking about alternating Moon-emphasized Jupiter and Moon-emphasized Pluto. It's definitely true. I alternate between the social/anti-social poles of the two. It confuses people. They'll be expecting one version of me, and I'll present the other. I've previously just considered it an aspect of my introversion. Jupiter it up until I'm used up, then Pluto go escape, hide, and recharge.

I can't easily see the tie-in with the disorder though.

Whenever I see a strong hard-aspect structure in the background, I think there's a significant chance it's going to work its way out in health issues if a person doesn't find a way to give it expression (one of the best ways being to move to where it's angular - but not the only way). I don't know all the ways this works out and expresses itself through your life, but you've given a good start on this.

I think you're missing the simplest thing, though: Moon shows your moods! "Moon = mood" is an astrological basic. Your moods likely swing between Moon-Jupiter (as if it existed by itself without the Pluto) and Moon-Pluto (as if it existed by itself without the Jupiter). This (according to my current line of thought) creates the pendulum effect. There is likely also a component of "under-expressed Moon," since Moon itself is background - some form of withholding, blocking, resisting being lunar (e.g., as an already empathic individual, trying not to live in conditions in which you strongly feel, react to, can't get out of your head the emotional tone of the people around you, your social context, the vibe of the room, etc., so shutting it down). I just made that one example up, to stir the idea of what an acutely background Moon would produce.

Moon responds and adapts. How effectively do you adapt to your shifting physical, psychological, and social context? From what you've said here, you adapt pretty well (and especially "acceptably") when in your Moon-Jupiter phase, but quite differently (of course) when in the Moon-Pluto phase. Perhaps the point is that these continue to live as phases rather than an integrated whole, and this produces the pendulum effect. What psychological position or life activities or relationship style change or stress management skills (or whatever) would give you a way to express all of these energies together without swinging between poles?

[Lance]

(e.g., as an already empathic individual, trying not to live in conditions in which you strongly feel, react to, can't get out of your head the emotional tone of the people around you, your social context, the vibe of the room, etc., so shutting it down). I just made that one example up, to stir the idea of what an acutely background Moon would produce.

I mean, yeah, apart from the rare bout with extreme mania, that's the day to day reason I take medicine - to reduce the volume of all that.

That was kind of freaky accurate - what you just did.

omg ... I have to go to my wife's family reunion this weekend, and the house is too small for it.

[Jim Eshelman]

That was kind of freaky accurate - what you just did.

ROFLMAO. It's called astrology (Also, remember, I have an angular Moon and have lived in a state of that turned on my whole life, with all the advantages, disadvantages, etc.)

omg ... I have to go to my wife's family reunion this weekend, and the house is too small for it.

Breathe. Center. Do things you know how to do to strengthen your aura.

You can use this as a laboratory. I suggest the "button" you look for is one of inauthenticity. That is, too much social lubricant. Your Moon-Pluto is going to detest, reject, rebel against inauthenticity, while Moon-Jupiter is going to use it reflexively to adapt and navigate. It might be a good opportunity to detect these things in yourself and look for authentic ways to socially adapt besides leaving or railing.

Off-the-cuff possibilities: (1) Immersiuon in the spirit of family-community. (2) Selective self-disclosure rather than falsification.

It might also be a lab for practicing giving your actuely background Moon more attention than your acutely foreground Sun: Since it's her event, not yours, can you dissolve your sense of being someone in particular into a sense of being part of the herd without being anyone in particular? (In other words, don't overdo my advice to center, but rather decentralize.)

[Lance]

Yes. Thank you. These are mostly all parts of my current management strategy. Watching the kids or having nap time makes it easy to disappear for nice long stretches of time.

The reunion went relatively well. I don't struggle with all the same things I used to. But I also take a lot of precautions. The meds really help. And I rarely ever go a day without ordering my mind and psyche with visualization techniques.

Still. it was exhausting all around, but in a pretty normal kind of way.

[Lance]

Posting this here from another thread. I expect to come back to this later.

I suspect you are most interested in your own chart (aren't we all <g>?). Your background planets are numerous: Moon (4°30'), Saturn (5°07'), Venus (7°10'), Pluto (7°18'), Jupiter (7°49'). These don't tend to boil down to common themes.

As a Libra, we expect strong Venus and Saturn themes in your nature, which are there; but this is complicated by the relative inexpressiveness of Venus and Saturn themselves in the chart. If I made any comments on any background planets, I'd probably skip Venus and Saturn since the character traits are going to be present by another route (but, if it were my chart, I'd reflect on what it meant that Venus and Saturn seemed to describe some of the most important things to me but seemed blocked in full expression).

Pluto and Jupiter are compounded by strong Moon aspects. We've talked about this before. At least part of what this means is that (due to lack of opportunity for expression) it's easy for this strong aspect structure to be pathologized and to take a negative health expression.

The one background position that, in an analysis of the chart, I might dwell on just a bit is background Moon.; and this I would probably only emphasize in the sense of Moon being very weak while Sun is very strong. If anything, it makes the polarity more acute, shows that you tend to strongly favor the solar side of the Sun-Moon polarity.

[Lance]

When I first read the above, I described it to a friend as a "five-finger death punch." lol.

It hit me really hard because I realized these *feel like* the areas of my life that I have to fight to express. It was like an "aha!" with an "oh sh**..."

I've spent a lot of time in self-analysis... years... trying to figure out what it is about me that makes me pull back where others charge ahead. It's not like they face less external resistance to their self-expression. It's more like I tend to agree, or internalize, or ...something.. when others disapprove of my behavior. I agree with those who seek to repress me. I'm very sensitive (empathic?) to their disapproval.

It's not like I never express myself. It just takes more work. Either I have to be very comfortable with the people I'm with... Or... I have to set my jaw. I really have to believe in my emotions, or my argument, or find some other way to justify my self-expression to myself against all the resistance I perceive.

And I HATE that about myself. It's like the root of 80% of my problems.

The other 20% is when I feel confident, I radiate, I feel most truly myself. That's when I'm manic, and I don't let anyone bring me down. You can get mad. You can leave. You can take your bad mood and your demands elsewhere. I'm most selfly myself, and if that's tough for you, too bad. And if you have the power to try to force me in a different direction, then we fight, and I get super angry. When I feel really good about myself, people think I'm the devil.

It's just too much. So we takes our medicines and stays calmed down.

And I can't solve it. Or I haven't been able to solve it more than it currently is solved.

Stupid background...

I'm just going to post this before I overthink it, and I'll mostly likely leave it up - because it's how I feel, even if it's imperfect.

[Jim Eshelman]

Insightful.

Thanks. This is expressed well. I don't know what to suggest that you aren't already doing, other than to say that this insight may give you more power over it.

Of course, the one corrective is to move. That's not desirable or feasible for everyone. Three of those five planets become foreground in the West Coast states.

[Lance]

Well, I probably make myself sound worse than I am. I am way more normal than just hot or cold-running crazy. It’s because I’m focused on what frustrates me about myself, and I’m comparing myself to very outgoing, free, expressive personalities who seem, at least, to have no insecurities.

Thanks very much for pointing out the background planets. I feel like it explains so much. It was really a jaw-dropper for me.

[Lance]

Right now Saturn's on the 2nd pass (retrograde) of being conjunct my natal Jupiter (0°34') and square my natal Pluto (0°21').

I'm on the Hospitality Committee at work. We do birthday cards and holiday celebrations mostly. Or... we did. Last Tuesday, under these influences, the new boss added some extra people to the committee, one of whom is the lady they always trot out to do professional development workshops, which everyone hates. He wants to revamp the committee.

So my wonderful little Hospitality Committee is now getting a corporate makeover in a direction that goes against my own chosen mission for it, which is simply to improve staff morale through happy, enjoyable events. Instead, we'll be learning about having a "Growth Mindset" and "Practicing Mindfulness." In other words, they're going to try to pop-psychologize the low morale out of us in the course of two hours.

And I was furious. And I may drop off the committee because I don't want my good name associated with that kind of B.S. I was mad for a good two days about it. But I did note that it covered both the Saturn-Jupiter and the Saturn-Pluto transits together pretty accurately: a blow to my desire to be good for my work community, and a strong urge to just walk the F away.

I don't know if it would be better for my career to stay on the committee. I'm afraid I'll verbally shred pop-psych lady when I tell her what I really think about her workshops. But it was my boss's idea to add her.... Hm... But if I quit, that looks bad too...

I've decided not to decide under these stars. Not quite sure how that will work out, but I know I'm probably a little too irritated by everything to make a measured decision.

Big picture, I don't want to do anything that will jeopardize my job for that third and final pass.

*I* want to "pass." lol

Anyway.

[Jim Eshelman]

Saturn transiting conjunct natal Jupiter in Sagittarius: Spoiled hospitality!

I feel for you on the dilemma. If you are seeking advice (I'm not clear if you are), I'd suggest not doing anything that could be self-defeating (1) while Saturn still transits your Jupiter-Pluto and (2) unless something actually happens that requires it.

That is, right now you have apprehension about where you think this is going, but (1) maybe it won't go that way or (2) you would make a more powerful statement by resigning in the immediate aftermath of something occurring to which the office reacted badly. Right now, you'd just look like a bad team player, I suspect.

You could, of course, butter her up by suggesting they short-changed her and should give her a committee of her own rather than trying to shoe-horn her into another existing committee with a different agenda.

Your larger context at the moment also includes Pluto square natal Uranus (half a degree at the moment), so disruptions, separations, break-throughs, break-outs, and all the rest are in the wind.

The Mars station the last few days of August is within 1° of square your Sun. If possible, wait until September. (Again, this is advice-mode.)

[Lance]

I was mostly just kind of publicly journaling, but I really do appreciate the advice. Another post self-deleted, but it was good too.

I can be too reactionary.

I need to engage my Mars in Virgo - for self-preservation if nothing else..

[Jim Eshelman]

Yeah, strategic is good.

[Veronica]

I had a very similar situation happen to me back in 98. I was in charge of the Party Planning committee and I thought we were doing a great job. I loved it and it was very natural for me (Venus in sag, Scorpio moon, Aquarius sun) and when I found out it was being revamped I was very hurt (felt like I wasn't doing a good job and they didn't like my parties) and also wanted to toss in my hat.

The director (who used the word Grok a lot from Stranger in a Strange Land, which was a very important book for me) took me aside and reassured me that it wasn't that they didn't like what I had been doing, but that the Academic world at the college was shifting and we were going to be hosting functions to a new aspect of the colleges mission. I would still be running all the same parties that I always had (ie staff birthday parties, the holiday parties, end of year picnic) but that we had a new requirement to make these functions "work related" and not just pure fun. we were all on the clock after all.

it turned out to be fantastic, we brought in your "pop psyche" people and all sorts of speakers and got to play team building games and it really benefited each of us not only for our personal moral, but for the moral we needed to get behind the Colleges Mission of learning and growing every step of the way. the best speaker we brought in was from Disneyland who gave a presentation on hospitality Disney Style! No one knows about throwing parties and hospitality better then Disney Land. we also had a great opportunity from the Psychology department to take the real Meyers Briggs personality test, which none of my co workers had done and it really helped them see their strengths and assets and how to bring that to the table at work.

Change is a hard thing for us and scary and challenging but I am glad that I did not walk out of that because I do have a bunch of great bullet points on my resume that strictly came from those workshops and activities, which sound a lot better to a prospective employer then just the "party planning girl".

I hope you situation turns out to be similar and that you can have a positive experience:)

[Lance]

Maybe under other stars.

[Lance]

Lance, you have a Mercury-Mars SSR with Moon conjunct Neptune. At the very least, this is stimulating and opening new realities. Mercury exactly on your Mercury, exactly angular, squared by Mars is, among other things, a great year for learning amazing things non-stop.

Well, if tomorrow and this morning are any indicator, it's going to be a year for having to watch my temper.

Asserting and defending my position regarding my own experiences, beliefs, and ideas - That's what keeps bubbling up so far. I've recently been pretty silent compared to more distant past behavior, but I can feel it rising.

I had the thought that I might be able to find an outlet in writing out my thoughts instead of railing into the void of the internet.

I don't know. I'm not excited about it. I'm not sure my temper has ever once accomplished anything good for me. When the words come easily to express my anger, it can be very destructive.

Bottom line: I'm kind of anxious about it, but I hope there's a good side to it.

[Lance]

(Continuing)...

I'll tell you what I'm tempted to do.

I'm tempted to write a Facebook discourse to all my old past church family to say basically, "This is where I've been, this is why I don't believe that anymore, this is what I now believe. Time for everyone to get over it." That only makes sense if you understand that I was once a pretty public figure with them.

I know they'd just chalk it up to me being "crazy" now. And it's not like I haven't already tried to "come out" like three times already. They just ignore it and act like nothing happened. It's so weird. So weird.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

People who want to understand, will ask you. Other people, don't waste your time. Generally being deep into a religious group, and leaving that religion generally means leaving some friends, even old and dear ones, and having a hole in your life till you move on and find something else to fill that hole with. Sorry. Maybe channel that energy that's making you angry into something that doesn't. Like finding some new friends who feel the way you do. Most religions have a group of "fallen away" somewhere. That's where to let out your feelings about that religion, and then find a way to move on.

[Lance]

Thanks for the advice. I probably won't follow the temptation. Past experience has taught me that it is in no way fruitful. In my more reflective moments, I see them as right where they need to be on their own journeys.

But that energy feels at hand and ready. Yes, writing will probably be the best outlet.

Or, maybe I just had an off day, and I'm making too much of it. We'll see.

[Lance]

Ah.... Mars is also transiting square my natal Mercury at the moment.

Probably just an irritable day or so.

Transiting Saturn also conjunct natal Jupiter - no MegaMillions for me. Pthpthttt.

[Lance]

Well, circumstances have brought change, and it's welcome (mostly).

One company bought another company, and the best move for our family right now is to move closer to Houston.

And there are several reasons I really like the idea. It's stressful as hell, but I am committed not to resist this change.

It could be a new start for me - a much needed one.

Mercury and Mars in my SSR.

[Jim Eshelman]

There's a lot of change in your chart now and in the near future.

Uranus is making its way back to your Sun for a final wave. Pluto currently squares your Uranus 0°06'. Saturn will square your Mars in a few weeks (which I only know because it's 4° later on my Sun, by February).

[Lance]

Thank you for taking a look.

URANUS aspecting Natal SUN
A new lease on life is in store for you! Your self-perspective and sense of life-purpose are clarified and your vital creative spirit awakened. Professional limelight, and even advance, is possible, as others become aware of your talents.

Yes, I feel like I woukd like a large plate of this.

[Lance]

My SSR has Mercury and Mars angular.

The main thing I've noticed is constant pushes toward activity. Of course, this also ties in with the need to change jobs and move this year. And stemming from that are also arguments from all the stress and unknown. All these things seem tied in with the symbolism.

I keep trying to cooperate instead of resisting. So far, that seems to work best.

Not really a fan, but not as bad as it could be.

[Lance]

And THERE it is...!

I’ve been following my chart from an app on my phone. Through some kind of glitch, the app didn’t show my t Pluto sqq n Saturn until after it was precise and separating.

Yeah. That’s gotta be the one that’s killing me - added in with everything else.

[Lance]

Mental Health - t Saturn/r Neptune Pattern

I'm a little hesitant to go into this, but I'm more interested in feedback and correction if there is any.

I have a mood disorder. I don't really want to go into it very far for privacy sake, but I have to give the basic context.

There have been two times in my life when it really flared up very badly. Both times, seven years apart, I was not medicated at the origin of the flare-up. That's never going to happen again, by the way, but that's how it happened twice.

Both times, I went manic and delusional. Both times coincided with a Saturn transit to my natal Neptune - square the first time, conjunct the second. Both times, it was a three-pass event, pass, retrograde, then pass again. And both times, the flare-up only occurred on the third and final pass. The first time, the square was partile. The second time, the conjunction was a few days short of becoming partile when it started.

What I've also noticed is that the quality of the mania and delusion followed the influence of the other active transits at the time.

The first time, the original nature of the mania was definitely euphoric.
Jupiter partile square Uranus
Jupiter partile semisquare Neptune

The second time, the original nature of the mania was definitely dysphoric (angry).
Pluto partile square Mars

This is huge for me... This means it's predictable. Full dose on the meds. Should be okay.

Currently have t. Saturn semisquare r. Neptune, exact March 21st, the day we’re supposed to close on our house.

No delusional thoughts, but plenty of anxiety. I mean, I have a lot going on in my life right now. It’s natural. But I also remember this same ...high frequency anxious “buzzing” of energy from it. Fear.

I was pretty good until today (10’ Applying).

This is where the insomnia would normally get triggered, and the more delusional thinking and paranoia would follow that.

Have the Doc’s permission to go full dose on the meds.

Benedryl to help sleep.

Eat red meat.

An ounce of prevention..

Hopefully I’ll be okay.

[Lance]

Today is a lot better regarding anxiety and that really high-strung feeling.

Happy about that. Thank God for medicine.



First of three passes. December may be rough. We'll see.

Hopefully the semisquare won't be as serious as the stronger ones.

[Lance]

I checked the t. Saturn sesqui-square r. Neptune from October 2011.

I don't seem to have been showing any symptoms, but I was full of anxiety trying to get my master's thesis finished and approved. It was another intensely anxious event.

I see the "making concrete reality" of my thesis, you could say. But for me, this transit always seems to herald intensely anxious events.

And there is the theme of "making concrete reality" each time.

[Lance]

Yes.

Transiting Saturn semisquare r. Neptune is a very difficult transit for me. There are even repeated themes in the anxious thoughts. Job insecurity, love insecurity. The fact that this is only the first pass is ...concerning.

[Jim Eshelman]

Transiting Saturn semisquare r. Neptune is a very difficult transit for me. There are even repeated themes in the anxious thoughts. Job insecurity, love insecurity. The fact that this is only the first pass is ...concerning.

Complete the transformation - the inner shifts - required by the transit on the first pass. Then the universe won't have to raise Her voice to get your attention on the second and third passes.

[Lance]

I feel like I atood my ground well this time. I feel like I “passed.” I didn’t do anything crazy even though it got pretty dang intense.

I don’t know how to tell if I made the appropriate inner shifts.

I hope so.

[Avshalom Binyamin]

I've gotten caught up being anxious about what terrible things a transit might bring.

Don't be afraid.

If you embrace the spirit of the energy, it's never so terrible.

I feared my Saturn Venus transit, and the woman I love rejected me.

So I embraced the spirit of the Saturn-Venus transit, and in response the woman I love, who was scared and mean to me last weekend, apologized and spent this weekend doting over me with loving eyes.

There is nothing to fear.

[Lance]

Could you maybe give me a clue about how to get in line with the spirit of the Saturn transiting natal Neptune?

Thanks.

[Lance]

I am so desperate for the things that give me comfort, but it seems Saturn would want to limit them.

I feel like a junkie who can’t get his fix of love, or sex, or security, or questionable habits. But those feel like the only things that help.

[Avshalom Binyamin]

The ideals and dreams that are grounded and practical will be stronger for it.

The fantasies that aren't realistic are just empty comfort. It hurts at first, but it's best to have those illusions destroyed.

So being determined enough to make your dreams a reality, while being flexible enough to let go of illusions?

[Lance]

Yeah... That's a really tall order right now.

I'll try to tune into it.

[Jim Eshelman]

Holding a desired vision of the future isn't incompatible with accepting the actuality of the present.

Most people tend to think these are incompatible, that accepting an undesired present is selling out on the future. Not so. It's more than a cliché that you can't navigate to where you want to go if you haven't a clue where you presently are.

It's the Buddhist middle road: Desire a thing with all your heart and soul and be ultimately indifferent to whether you get it. That's the gold.

[Lance]

I don't mean to frustrate anyone here, but ...HOW... does one actually accomplish that? First the desire, then the detachment, flipping back and forth? I can't imagine it.

[Jim Eshelman]

I don't mean to frustrate anyone here, but ...HOW... does one actually accomplish that? First the desire, then the detachment, flipping back and forth? I can't imagine it.

Not flipping back and forth. Concurrent.

Given time, I can probably think of a better analogy, but something close is: Being on vacation and driving to somewhere you really REALLY want to go while sitting back to enjoy the ride. There is no contradiction between wanting to be where you're going and relaxing into where you are.

It's a trip!