Veronica

[Veronica]

So it seems to me that my highly sensitive nature responds very powerfully to transits of Venus (as well as the moon).

Im pretty sure that the reason this time of year....and continuing till my birthday....is my favorite , is because for the almost four months I have venus transiting through most of my natal planets and major midpoints.

While the rest of the year venus moves away to trines and squares and opposition s and Places where I am not feeling the influence as directly as during this time of direct conjunction.

Ill tell ya, being overly sensitive is something that I struggle with. Ive struggled because it makes having relationships hard. Ive tried to rise above my nature and not let things get to me, to make me sad , or hurt or unsure.....all sorts of newage jargon and self help mantras and tough love on myself and arcane philosophy and psychology....so that I can be the calm in the center of the storm and not be swayed by whats going on around me.

But the reason I struggle with all that and that its never clicked is because its not me. I am super uber sensitive and feel things deeply, and nothing, no head game or mantra or psychological trick will change that.

So After yesterdays eurphoric high about snow and how I saw it was because Venus was conjunct my Jupiter/neptune/moon I thought about what was said about knowing whats coming and planning accordingly.

So thats what Im going to do.
Im going to make me a calandar of dates that I know are going to be great days for me...ie..venus is moving conjunct my mars shortly.....that could be a great day for real physical fun....and then venus moves up to my des/midpoint and that will be a super great day because Juputer is there too....and then Venus to venus....and so on around the year marki g dates on my calandar that venus will be conjunct trine square opposite or sextile my anets and major midpoints......and then Im going to try to creatively design fantastically fun beautiful loving affectionate activities/dates/events to do on those specific timez when the universe has allready lined up a great time/good feelings and really capitalize on the moment.

The moon moves to fast for me to think this is doable on that scale. At least right now.

I think doing this calendar is a very constructive way for me to take control of my loving nature and be a much more conscious cocreator in my life.....and this way I will have happy loving events planned that I will obviously be looking forward to and anticipating positively, which espicially in my down times will help me gracefully move through them and not feel like my world is collasping in and Im drowning in my tears.

I think too that doing this calandar and planning something very special to do on those days is also going to help me strengthen my relationships. Not that Im gonna only be with someone when I know Im gonna be elated...and therefor they only see that side of me....but more like I have some very wonderful people who I want to spend quality time with but in the past I seemed to be with them when mars was being a jerk or Pluto made me way to aloof or my moony neptune was to sensitive.

It sure was an absolutely beautiful day yesterday and today. At least it felt like that for me.

[Veronica]

In Honor of Veteran’s Day and the deeper symbolic meaning of 11/11 I would like to share an insight I had this morning about my relationships and what it means to me to be a Free American and my deep Love for my country and the men and women who have given so much to fight and secure my Right to Be exactly what God made me to be, and for those who do not wear a Uniform but fight none the less for their Freedom to Be themselves. We are all Veterans in the war against oppression and slavery and restriction.

I spent yesterday with my father. He has healed up very well except for the blindness. He is mentally acute and feisty and high spirited as is his nature. He knows his time left on this side of the grass is short and is working his best to make the most of it. My father and I have a long standing repertoire of talking about politics and the state of the worlds affairs. He is, like so many his age, bound in old fashioned traditions that are no longer the norm, and he struggles to hold fast to ways that served his grandfather and father and himself very well. I let him hold them, because I can see that they at one time had great value an merit, and even though my nature as a child was to assert how outdated and obsolete and restricting those views and patterns of behavior are, I now have a respect and admiration for his strength of conviction to uphold his long standing beliefs and ways of doing things. His generation and the ideals and morals that they practiced and lived under will be non existent in a hundred years or less, as is the way of things, everything changes.
My father is a hard core Trump supporter. He embraces the MAGA in part because he is holding fast to ways of thinking and acting that are what make America Great. yet he contradicts himself in what it really is that Makes America Great. He Embraces MAGA because his Gemini Sun is conjunct the USAs sun and he loves his country. But that not where he is in contradiction.
The USA birth chart has an Aquarian Moon.
Now, a while back in a thread about something unrelated, Jim made the statement that Aquarian Moons are the best. Ho ho ho I said to myself, what on Earth is going on to make Jim so boldly declare that one moon sign is indeed better, the best, then all the others. I mean really, some super sensitive people might read that and get all sad and hurt, thinking…. well, I don’t have an Aquarian moon so I must not be that good. Jim has always had utmost respect and tact and tolerance for everything and everyone to be just what they are supposed to be. Even if they are born to be a grade A jerk, he doesn’t judge or belittle or try to change them at all and has spent his life helping people accept their natures and contradictory selves. His life work in Astrology and showing people how their natal chart and its transits and progressions and synastries is a map of their essence is in a very real way changing the world itself and bringing about tolerance and respect and dignity and liberty to souls who feel at odds with the world climate we find ourselves in. He gives to people a way to find self acceptance and understanding and compassion for themselves and for all others. Jim himself does have an Aquarian moon, so he deeply resonates with the Moon Nature of the United States of America and understands the scaffolding that the founding fathers laid for us on that world changing day in 1776……
“In Congress, July 4, 1776.
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.—”

Now, it clearly states in the above quote that once restrictions are to much to bear, they must be cast off. This is where my father, and so many people I know who espouse and love the USA become blind to what this event in history means.

I grew up with my father being afraid of communists, Arabs and Jews. He was of course a product of his times and the fear of the USA being taken over by those groups was an imminent threat. With the advent of nuclear weapons and the ancient ways of warfare in hand to hand combat obsolete it seemed like a possible outcome. Any day the Russians could blow us up, or the Jews shut down the Banks, or the Arabs withholding oil……and then the poor USA would be no more. We would be beaten and destroyed, and all the hopes and ideals and dreams of our founding fathers laid to waste and ruin and nothing but graveyards would remember what was once the Dream of Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness for all.

I’m a maverick, a rebel an outlier and a trouble maker…….in my own way. I love my country and the ideals and freedom and liberty that it is founded on. If I want to have sex with a woman, I will, And my country protects my right to do so. If I want to be a witch and dance naked under the full moon, I will, And my country protects my right to do so. If I want to own land and raise pigs….if I want to dream and pretend I am a Unicorn in my heart, I can. If I don’t want to get married, or wear a bra or put sugar in my tea…..I don’t have to. All those rights of my own perspective and opinion on how I should live my life are my own to make. In America I can Be what I was Born to Be and Do What I Will.

My country, this country that I love love love to the ends of time will not crumble and fail because of my choices in my religious beliefs, or my choice not to be religious. It will not crumble if I choose to join a socialist commune and live my life in debauchery. It will not fail and crumble if the choices I personally make in how to live my life are countercurrent and against the norm or populace or long standing traditions.

My father has trouble seeing that. He thinks that the Islamic woman in congress is a direct threat and could topple the whole system. He thinks that by a few small communities teaching Islam in schools that the whole foundation of our country will fail. He feels that if a community espouses a socialists methods that it will catch like wildfire and the whole country will fail.
If one woman in congress can topple our whole system, then our system should be torn down. If one community can topple the whole country then it deserved to be toppled. If one religion can move the hearts and minds of the nation to embrace it then our system deserves to fail.
My greatest fear is to be restricted and held down. No kinky handcuffs for me, no sir bob. Im not having it. that is one sure fire way to get me to flip out and emotionally and physically fight tooth and nail. I will never surrender my Autonomy and my right to be free and do as I will.
If those Russians or Islamic radicals tried to force me to there will, I will die fighting for my right to freedom and to believe in what I hold dear in my heart. I know a million and half “others” who are also as rebellious and feisty and autonomous who would be right there with me fighting for our right to be who we are as individuals and to not be typecast and pigeon hold and slaves to a master.

What my father is blind to, is the fact that the Declaration of Independence demands that every single person be allowed their own path. Even if my father thinks and holds the opinion that what they believe and do is wrong, our country was founded on the Ideal that all paths be respected and allowed to run its course. He is entitled to his beliefs and I would fight for his right to believe that “all” communists are bad. That’s who my father is, those are his characteristics and his way of living and finding his happiness. I would too though fight for any individuals right to be who they are, even if I personally find what they do and believe horrible and contrary to my own nature.

I recently have been thinking about all the people that I love and like and the very very few people who I actually do not like, at all, who rub me wrong and get on my nerves and just make me upset. I pretty much get along with everyone and can look past conditioned behaviors and cultural limitations and sex roles. There was one person in particular who I met who I just don’t like. The minute I heard his name before I even met him I didn’t like him. That’s not like me and it deeply bothered me. I tried to reconcile this with saying things to myself like, you don’t like him because of how he bad talks woman, and talks bad about you behind your back and to your face and is abusive and uses people and hurts and steals and lies and thinks he is such a bad aff and all of that and a bag o chips…… and as I heard myself saying this I though about what those statements meant in turns of his natal chart and his synastry with me. So I looked at his chart. Just as I suspected. His sun was conjunct my Mars, his Scorpio sun hitting on my mars just mad me mad. But then Low and behold…..My sun, was also conjunct his Mars…..so the feeling is very mutual. It hurt me to think that I could be so easily swayed by another person, but of course there were other aspects and things to point out in the synastry that made me just say…well you don’t like everybody and everybody isn’t going to like you. You don’t have to kill him, you don’t have to be around him you can just let it be what it is.

Its like that with the chart of the USA.
My synastry with the USA chart was breathtaking as I looked at for the first time this morning.
I am very emotional about the USA and its 3 major holidays always brings out my deep love and respect and admiration and gratitude and feeling of blessed love for being born a free woman in America. I cry like a baby on the $th of July, Memorial Day and Vetrans day. Tears of sadness for loss of life and tears of joy for what those lives manifested.
The USAs sun is directly opposite my natal Venus. (my sun moon midpoint)
The USAs moon is conjuct my sun
My Uranus aspects USAs Sun
My Moon/Neptune/Jupiter Conjunction aspects the USAs Pluto
And low and behold my mars/venus Dec midpoint is opposite the USAs mars and venus midpoint.
There is actually almost more to say about the synastry of these two charts and why I deeply feel for my country and I suppose as well why my country loves little rebels and freaks like me…..(USAs Venus aspects my Sun).

The composite chart of my relationship with the USA is also remarkable to me……Sun and Mercury conjunct….Trine a conjunct Mar/Jupiter….Trine the moon. Venus and Chiron are conjunct square the moon and trine Uranus.

In the Synastry of my chart with the USA was something I was not thinking I would find, and that was the USAs Saturn aspecting square my Venus as well as conjunct my Uranus. That’s a powerful aspect and I feel it most positively. I think with this years transmutation of saturnian energies though I can better understand how that influence has always been like a backbone for me, something my loving nature always fell back on to get strength from. For while I call myself a rebel and maverick it is not that I was acting selfishly and just willy nilly doing what ever I wanted in a destructive way. My love of the occult and its teaching was never to gain power over others or influence them against their will….but my own desire to be true to my heart and my own passions. My love for “bad Boys” and outcasts and undesirables was not from a place of making myself look better or being smart or more then, but from a place of compassionately understanding their own unique nature and individuality and wanting to support and help them stand tall against oppression and restriction and be a smile on a dark day when all hope seems lost. That’s Saturn strength and resilience and teaching that Love is the Law of Nature, the love of each to be its own freakyself …… what ever that maybe.

Its hard for my dad to understand that some people are just not going to like the USA. That like my chart with that mans soul mars/sun mars/suns….its just not going to mesh. That man has every right to not like me, he has every right to honor the feelings that he has against me, even though he may never understand just what it is about me that doesn’t make him at ease.
I am not going to try to make him like me, and in the USA we cant try to make people who have adverse reactions to the USA chart feel any other way. It is what it is. If you don’t like it, and the bigger picture of Life Liberty and Happiness for all, even if they make you angry, fearful or sad…..then no one is making you stay. It is a free country and no one is forcing you to stay.

The USA chart has what I like to call the golden ticket in the back pocket, Venus conjunct Jupiter. What a blessing that is. I do believe that Divinity had a hand in the formation of our country with that aspect. That is the most beautiful feeling of all. Its like the finest tapestry woven of pure golden thread….our Flag, Old Faithful to the max. I know what that feels like because I was blessed with a relationship that gave birth to a composite chart with Venus conjunct Jupiter and I never felt happier and more blessed and when I am down and out I go into my heart where I keep the memories of it alive and bask in remembering all the great and wonderful moments that I had actively involved in that relationship and they life me up to the clouds and put a skip in my step. Our country was created to be the most beautiful noblest blessed and loving country. A benevolence of affection towards all…..as the Statue of Liberty has inscribed upon Her.
“Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"[

For a long time I had been worried about the world. As an Aquarian I probed deeply and thoroughly into things and uncovered all sort of secrets and hidden things that seemed to me to be a direct threat to the USA. Secret committees and organizations and Gold mongers and hidden motives and agendas. When I heard that Donald Trump was running for office and that he got his major news from Alex Jones and the conspiracy theorists I hoped that he would expose all the strawmen and under nasties and bring to light things that seemed to want to rip apart this country. I knew that as a business man he was well advised and had an insight into these things, if a girl like me can dig and find things out then for sure so could a powerful double hub like trump get to the bottom and really drain the swap like he said. Yet looking at Trumps chart to the USAs I don’t see any desire to really do anything good for the USA but keep the status quo, the rich friends getting richer and the poor getting poorer. He actually has undone much progress and set back many programs and done nothing to stop the Rockafellas and Morgans. Yet I have this unwavering faith in the cosmos to do what needs to be done and while I am angry about how he lifted the ban on old forest cutting and all sorts of environmental laws and offended just about every body, He cannot destroy our Union. He was elected to serve as a release of age old ideas and beliefs and things no longer fitting us, and I think his election in a very real way was a sort of mopping things up for the USA to move on and past, and kind of give a last huzaaa for certain beliefs that served a purpose at the time but whose time has come to lift those oppressive beliefs and be free of them. Like my father who is his age peer, he is bound with his fears of being oppressed and defeated and concurred and enslaved. He too holds tight to his dream of the golden age of America and the illusion of power and freedom that it held, but in reality that dream that my father has of America is of a time of Bigotry and misogyny and prejudice and oppression and sexism and racism and classism and restricting basically everyone who isn’t a WASP man. That’s not what the Chart of the USA is.

I have long thought about Craigs love of America which seems so contrary to the life he has led. I would watch him watch the news of the beheadings and feel his anger and sadness and passion and it is one of the most powerful feelings I have ever been around. Jupiter SAD said that our relationship had nothing to build on. But I looked deeper and I think that we both have something deeper entangled into our relationship and that is our passion for our country and our own autonomy. That relationship can not be destroyed by the daily weather. It is built to last and while it has ups and downs and strong strong feelings there is true love and it will always be our golden ticket. My sun is opposite Craigs strongest midpoint of his moon/mars/Sun and his venus/pluto where his mercury sits. I thought that was awesome and a beautiful thing for me to bring into his life to help support him. but I think that Craigs deepest love, is not me and my sun, but the fact that where my sun is is where the USAs best placed Aquarian moon is, which blesses him with the gift of true love for all people and the ability to treat people as they need to be treated. I can only imagine the real depth of love he has for America and how in his own way he has spent his life doing what he does best with his nurturing cancer self, like the Statue of Liberty…..embracing the ones no one else will.

I hope that everyone takes a moment tomorrow to say a blessing and give thanks to all Veterans and fighters for the oppressed. Its not everyday that something as Magickal as the USA is brought forth into this world.

[Veronica]

https://5newsonline.com/2019/11/20/myst ... this-week/


Ok.....

I truelly truelly truelly believe in Intelligent design.


My lunar return sets up on the 26th
On the 25th my favorite favorite favorite alingment happen with Beautiful Venus get all cuddly and cozy conjunct Jupiter on my Dec. My hot spot midpoint of venus and mars.......

I felt like Promethus on the rock being eaten alive by Vulture...cell by cell pain and anguish that was endless and everwhere and time seemed to stop and eternity laughed in my face. Thats how I felt. A complete loser in all ways possible. A hideous Quazemoto.

But inch by inch, miles by mile things kept moving forward and apart and into knew places. Iike I was a puzzel that had been put together wrong and piece by piece one by one each piece was taken out and cleaned up and turned this way and that and slowly fit back together the correct way.

Its funny because I remember I felt like dying and that my mass was collapsing in on itself like a black hole. Getting heavier and heavier deep inside me somewhere. And the pressure got so intense that the mass broke in half.
I remember I was on my porch and I looked out across my beloved yard of my home I was loosing and I saw a unicorn. Plain as day. And I wasnt high or drunk or anything but hopelessly a big huge mess inside.

Unicorns are real. I saw one. It saw me. It makes me cry thinking about it and all that has happened in such a short time. I remember JupiterSAD said "a few years" and told me about how time is different at the beach then the mountains and my soul screamed and cried not believing I could survive a few years feeling dead inside and that I couldnt move anywhere that would speed time up enough.

But she was right. Its been a few years and the black hole is gone and I dont hurt anymore and I didnt die from being away from Craig like I was sure I was going too.
And I saw a unicorn. And this year with my SSR pluto/saturn/venus conjunct my natal venus and aspecting my natal saturn and uranus is about to get mopped up. I have 3 more months till my next SSR so its about 75% done.

Jim, I recall you saying something about a finale test or last issue kinda thing that happens during the endings/mopping up of SSR. I think you even calculated aprox when it would happen. Can you explain that again for me please?

I am so excited about this meteor shower. I dont know about other astrologer but I love the night sjy and looking at tge stars and planets. It majes me so happy and peaceful and dreamy and hopeful about everything in tge whole world.

I dont like that for the past few years I have been so self focused. Thinking about my thoughts and analysis this action and behavior and pattern and whys and what nots about Myself. Ive been so selfishly self absorbed and stingy in a way wuth myself. So many people have life so much harder then me and I feel like Ive been pitching a pity party in a way.

And thats not me

I was born to help others
And smile
And be a friend
And a cheerleader
And a champion for underdogs

So thank you for enduring my pity party and being a hufe part of that Venus in my progressed chart that sat up top and squared my asc/dec angle and showed me kindness.

I am so freaking excited about this shower.
I wonder what kind of meaning or message or accident or incident it will bring to our world.

Maybe
Just maybe
Everyone will be able to see the Unicorns after it.

Wouldnt that be shockingly wonderful allaround!!

[Veronica]

Well I was up at 4am to see the shower
And it was cloudy and rainy
But in my minds eye
I could see past the clouds
I knew they were up there
Dancing across the sky
Even though I couldnt see them

I took myself to the casino to test the whole Jupiter on the angle idea of being the best time to gamble.

I trippled my money in about a half hour.

But I didnt gamble much
Ya see
I git these two kids
Who its my job right now to raise and care for and help them get on thier feet and well......
I really needed to get out of the house and be around grown ups and do something besides walk in the woods alobe....
But I cant risk my money
My kids need every penny
For food and heat and rent and gas

But I never do much of anything for myself to really let of steam.

So I gave myself $20 to donate to the casino.
And when I won and won and won
My little bit of money
I was so happy
Becauae I promised myself that all my money if I won would be to buy my kids a nice Christmas present.
And now I can.

Thank you for the tip.
Though I think if I gambled for anyother reason then to benifit my kids....I would not have won at all.

Jupiter was aspecting my dec...widely....and IMO that spot in my chart is about being the best parent's we can be.

[Veronica]

Also....
In dealing with Saturn this year

Chemists and mankind have quested for what is called the Universal Solvent....something that is able to disolve and seperate a substance... Like water...but water is not the universal solvent, it doesnt break all bonds and reduce everything.

Saturn though as the archtype of Time/death does though. It pulls and seperates and reduces like no other...

[Veronica]

My lunar return is tomorrow.

T Venus conjunct my Des
T Jupiter conjunct my Des
Both are square my Pluto which is conjunct the Transiting MC

T Sun is conjunct my Neptune Moon conjunction
Saturn finally has drifted off my Venus to 22 degrees Sag

Very emotionaly unstable at work today.

There is a weird negative vibe that I pick up on from my co worker. I do everything and everything to run the library as best as I can with a happy attitude and never grumble about anything. She only criticizes me and down plays all I do and gives me work that she should be be doing as well as work that I should delegate to the clerk under me. Its getting unbearable.

She flipped out on me when my dogs died and I took the days off. And when had I the meeting about my sister having cancer and I took a day off (i got a substitute when I am out) which I get 14 paid sick days and 28 hours of personal time.

She had such a fit about these days off that she reported me for disciplinary action. Yet last year my other coworker took off 3 months with no sub and I did all the work. Our meeting is tomorrow morning. I am feeling the Jupiter on my Pluto saying let go of relationships in which you are not getting anything back and free your energies to do other things.....in a big way. My Pluto makes me say FTW and if you dont like me...FU too...harder then most people can really grasp. (FU is obviously my Mercurcy in Cap aspecting my Scorpio Mars).



I was really excited last month though about this months return as it is the first one (in many months since it was retrograde) where Saturn was not conjunct my venus.

I felt really great recently ( in spite of my losses of the pups and my sister being so sick ) when Venus transited my moon and neptune and jupiter and even good as it conjunct my mars and I got the courage to push my confort zone and make a few gambles.

I really thought that I would feel good today. I woke up ok and did yoga but I felt not good enough. Like no matter how hard I work no matter how good and positive my attitude is Im still nothing.

I dont want a pity party thats not why Im sharing.

Last night before bed I started think about long term goals and my life and so I peeked not at this upcoming SSR for 2020 but for 2021. I saw mars and the moon conjunct my Saturn and just wanted to cry. Strong uncomfortable feelings of dissapointment were the key words that popped into my head. But I saw Jupiter was Square that so I felt better and reminded myself that usually my first impressions of my charts seem hard and harsh and that I have to not let my emotions jump to conclusions about things.

I have a had time with my des angle and it being the midpoint of venus and mars but squared my Pluto. Thats where alot of my feelings of not being good enough no matter how hard I try in relationships arises from.

In all 3 of my romantic relationships as well as the platonic ones I overdo...I over extend myself...I in a very real way somehow take on both roles. I want to do and achieve so much in life that when Im with another, and they take a break, I do there work.

Its not fair.

To anyone really. But mostly to them. It makes them feel (Im guessing) inadequate and a disappointment and not good enough and not capable or reliable or trusted.

And that sucks. And Im sorry that Ive done that because that wasnt at all my meaning. I just saw so much work to be done and I wanted to help out and lessen thier load so they they could relax and we could enjoy the company.

I can think of a million times where I have, in my whirlwind fashion of getting a lot done quickly completely overstepped what was my role in the relationship.

My parents had a long loving relationship because they had very well defined roles and jobs and they stuck to that.

I want that. I have wanted that my whole life, but I just mess it up by doing saying being to much and taking it all upon my shoulders. I dont know how to let a man pursue me and all that romantic stuff. I don't know how to just sit back and be a woman and not have to do everything myself. I grew up in a house where I had to do everything myself bc everybody was all engrossed in drama and forgot about me and my little brother. We were like little feral dogs.


I am so utterly terrified of going on a date, of someone seeming interested in me and wanting to get to know me. A part of me is dying to have a healthy mutual relationship so that I can show that to my kids, so they can see to oeople gettung along and being nice and taking care of each other. I want them to see that si bad because all around ys are kids from broken homes and crazy situations. And thats not right. People are supposed to be kind and helpful and happy and not in emotiinal pain and bitter and jaded even though that seems the norm.

Im scared to relate to others in real life because I dobt want to fall back on my subconscious programming of supermom do everything herself and strip the other of thier mutual power in the relationship. Its supposed ti be a give and take but with me give give giveing Im taking personal dignity and responsibility and accountability away from them.

That SSR for 2021 with the moon mars conjunction to saturn had me thinking this morning about forgetting who I am. Its like a clean slate in a way. I get to bust my aff with hard work for another year and then maybe I can forget all the mistakes Ive made and pain I've caused.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Is this your co-worker or your boss? Assigning work, trying to limit time off, referring for disiplinary action.. that's not what co-workers do.

The Jupiter-Venus-Pluto-Dsc may allow you a lateral move to get out from under her if she's your boss, or alert your actual bosses what she's been doing if she's not.

[SteveS]

Veronica, I may be entirely wrong, but the malefic action you described in your last post, I see as continuing manifestations of feelings from your current SSR with SSR Venus cnj SSR Saturn cnj Natal Venus. This Double Whammy of Venus-Saturn is a main theme of your current SSR. Your Natal Pluto cnj your SSR ASC describes how you will react to the main influences in your current SSR according to Jim's SSR guidelines. Pluto can indicate heavy feelings of being isolated, benefic or malefic, depending on main influences of the SSR. All you can do is endeavor to understand the natural laws/influences of your SSR and do your best to minimize the malefic happenings/feelings you are having to deal within your immediate environment. I realize/understand it is most difficult to deal with Venus-Saturn influences. Just do your best to wait for this SSR to pass to see improvements with your relationships.

[Veronica]

Is this your co-worker or your boss? Assigning work, trying to limit time off, referring for disiplinary action.. that's not what co-workers do.

The Jupiter-Venus-Pluto-Dsc may allow you a lateral move to get out from under her if she's your boss, or alert your actual bosses what she's been doing if she's not.

Shes not my boss. The Principal of the school is my boss. She thought she was the boss but it was made clear today to her the hierarchy and the clarifaction of what our contracts say.
The whole school has issue with how she manages the library. But shes young and fresh outta school and this is her first job in a library. I personally believe as do the faculty that as the librarian her job is to help the teachers and students find books. She wants to teach classes on coding and robotics and STEM. So I end up being the librarian defacto and everyone calls me that. She gets mad and will correct them and say...she just a clerk.

But anyway the meeting went exceptionally well in my favor and we drew up a plan of action on ways to work around if I have a day off...which yoyd think they wouldve had in place allready as Ive been there almost two years...and what did they do before me?

It was so nice for the Principal to spell out to the three of us the expectations and contractual information. Ie we all can supervise the kids but only the Librarian can help with actual instruction on homework and siting sources and vetting information.

The Principal come to find out is an ex librarian and when my coworker mistepresented facts of Library science the Principal shared her expierence and understanding of library work and civil service laws and really in a way let my coworker know that my rights and value to the school are very important and that the bully behavior towards me that has been reported by teachers will not be tolerated and mentioned thin ice and unvested faculty causing trouble......

It was so hurtful for me to be reported because Its not lije I was calling in sick after a hangover I had severe personal issues that I had to deal with. I cried which I know...Im a cryer...but it just hurts me so much when people are mean and bullish for no good reason. (Which im sure if i looked at her astroligy I could find a reason and forgive her...but I wont...Ill just know its there and forgive her anyway.

[Veronica]

:All you can do is endeavor to understand the natural laws/influences of your SSR and do your best to minimize the malefic happenings/feelings you are having to deal within your immediate environment.

I realize/understand it is most difficult to deal with Venus-Saturn influences. Just do your best to wait for this SSR to pass to see improvements with your relationships.

Thank you for all that you wrote Steve,

I had a great day today.

Ya know....all I can do is try to understand natural laws...and I read books and think about the Laws and different laws and The Law all the time. Hard deep scientific laws about physics and matter and chemistry things most people let alone a woman dont have a taste for, but its kinda my thing. I see how each of the sciences and arts have there laws and rules and how it helps them build on ideas and create and destroy and form order out of chaos and give meaning and vocabulary. I see how they are all interdependant to.

I will be completely honest
And this might make Jim laugh
But Im sure he allready knows it
I read his fine definitions and delineations and I look at some aspects and planets and think about how they are pigeon holed into meaning this and that....

And if I dont like what I read
I just say
Not me
It might do that to others
But not me
Because it might at first seem all bad and nasty and like Im gonna die
But my cockiness and understanding of the Laws of the worlds makes me say
I can turn any negative into a positive.
It might take a few mental gymnastics and breaking the laws of physics
But that Pluto in me says I can regenerate anything ...a bad mood...a spoiled dinner...a car crash...a seperation from my loved one, even death I can turn it about in my heart and mind enough to see the silver linning.

Do my best
The scouts motto
I loved being a cubscout leader and helping all those fine young boys turn into great young men who the community is proud to have. I didnt know anything about scouts but jumped at the chance to do it and I did pretty good because I worked hard had a great attitude and the joy and enthusiasm of a child. My ever youthful Aquarian Sun really lets the child in me shine. In fact I was think fir that SSR 2021 with the moon conjunct my saturn...and loads of other good stuff...Im going to forget Im 50..for tge whole year...and pretend Im 11. Eleven is a great age because your still goofy and laughing a million times a day and you are old enough to go hang out at the mall alone...and you xan babysit and get money. So thats my plan on moon to Saturn. This year Ill turn 49 and then ooops...Im a kid again.

I do see loads of improvement s with all my relationships in this past year. Ive worked at strenghten ing the bonds with my sister and my nieces and my children even my dad. Ive pulled back from my brothers and Eric and not done anything to stir those pots. Men I think take along time to settle after deep emotional stuff, where women seem to rebound emotionally back to normal quicker.

As for my lunar return today I got the most awsome Juputer venus kiss becayse it was 60 degrees afterwork and sunny and I stopped at the livrary on my way home from work and OMG!! The librarian had just bought the most awsome books, cds and dvds and I was tge very first person to check them all out. They smell great. The paper is so soft. The covers are so pretty. And the subjects are so diverse and interesting!!! Im off work till monday at 830 and I feel like I have been blessed and blessed and blessed....Im in my pjs in bed with them all right now!!!

[SteveS]

V wrote:

I can turn any negative into a positive.

Good for you girl. Don't let that co-worker bring you down again.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Yup, sounds like you had a good day.

[Veronica]

Yes it was!!
I was so happy in bed with my books
And then I watched on dvd part of my all time favorite show Blue Planet which I found out on Monday has a sequel!!!!

But you know who had an even better day?

My sister

She called later at night to ask my help writting up a diet and excersize and herbal regime for her because the oncologist said the surgery to remove the colon et al tgat had burst had taken out all the cancer and she is pretty much cancer free!!
She is going to take a pill for six months which is some kind of chemotherapy to kill any possible cancer cells that may be floating about inside due to the force of the rupture.

I deleloped years ago a Holistic Healthcare program to help people regain balance and health in thier lives. It has six aspects, key points to educate and integrate new awarness and choices in a persons life. It even has astrology as a component but admittedly I didnt know to much about astrology when I developed the course, only that I knew deep inside that it was a keystones to overall health and finding balance and harmony.

My sister wants me to show her my course and help her stay on track. I can most enthusiasticly show her my course and write up for her a plan but her life is her iwn and its up to her to stay on track. Im just a really good cheerleader on the sidelines. I actually even do have pretty pompoms in real life and a batan and even a really cool double light saber just like in the movies.

[Veronica]

OMG

One of the books I got from the library yesterday is this

https://www.amazon.com/Underland-Deep-J ... 0393242145

All my life the right books have always show up at the right time, seemingly by magic. This book is a life changer for mankind. Wow. I am devouring it.

It deals directly to the archtypes of Saturn and Pluto with the Love that can only come from Venus and Neptune.

Here is a gleaning....
" The same 3 tasks recur across cultures and epochs
To shelter what is precious( memories, prescious matter, messages, lives)
To yield what is valuable(information, wealth, metaphors, minerals, visions)
And to dispose what is harmful (waste, trauma, poison, secrets).
Into the UnderLand we have long placed that which we fear and wish to lose and that which we love and wish to save."

Spellbinding stuff here.

I dont think Pluto really means "All or Nothing" I think it means All AND Nothing.

[Veronica]

There is something that I very much have locked in and have struggled to move past.

My second most angulat planet is Neptune.

My Solar Arc sun is pretty much exact 145degrees my natal Neptune. Which Ive heard is either nothing at all or very important in Cosmobiology.

I had an incident happen in my life when my Solar arc Saturn was opposite my natal Neptune. That whole transit of solar arch Saturn opposite Scorpio moon neptune and Jupiter was a very hard time for me.

Its one of those things that Id rather forget and move on but I really believe I am holding on or emeshed in those events and Until I can honestly accept it Im not able to.

I had the chance a few years ago to act and in a very real way....get payback. But I didnt. I was able in my mind and heart to justify behaviors society deems criminal and wrong.

Plus I knew then....like I did back then...that no one would believe me....that society would say I asked for it.. That Im seeking attention...that Im lying......that boys will be boys kinda thing.

I was looking at Venus Saturn Pluto and how they got one more conjunction coming up in my SSR and how in a weird way Craig is the Venus Eric is the Pluto and Jason is the Saturn. Those men are very archtypical in my life of those energies. They all have a long list of similarites too....Personal things that I wont disclose because its not nice to talk about people like that but the similarites are striking even though they seem outwardly extremely different.

Being alone and not having a sexual partner now for 2 years has made me come to value somthing that I have never had much of at all in a sexual intimate relationship and something that I now know I need. Tenderness softness slowness calmness and mindfullness. Men seem to pick up on my venus uranus aspect and get there mind right into the gutter so to speak of crazy freaky kinky hardcore pornographic gymnastics. I dont need or want any of that and Im happy to not have any sex at all if all its going to be is aggressive lustfilled domination and head games and insecurites and ego stuff.

I saw that Jupiter is coming conjunct with my Des and square my pluto and had some ideas about how to let go of things that arnt helping and all the othe blessings that that aspect could bring but I could feel that Solar arch sun on my neptune kinda saying....you got a bit of an issue here that is preventing/challenging you before you can accept that you are worth it.

I am grateful that I kept my mars in check during the time I had an opportunity to act on my inner feeling of violation disgust and fear. Astrology taught me that good people do bad things sometimes underpressure and that all people are inherently good and it is just my perception and value system that tell me otherwise. I believe that. I know that because I am a good person yet underpressure I broke that girls face and smashed Craigs glass and other things I would never plan on doing.

I know though that with this aspect of the solar arc sun to my neptune I have dried up all the need to disorient myself via alcohol or drugs or sex or food and have found a wellspring of personal joy and happiness and comfort and self acceptance that I never knew possible.

[Veronica]

If I had a million dollars.......

Oh to dream.....
What would I do if I won a million dollars?

My father loves to play that game and talk about all the things he would do and buy ......if/when his stocks and bonds mature.

I dont like that game very much because he always ridicules my answers.....

Id found an orphanage for unloved children.....
Id buy a fleet of cars for single mothers so they could get to work
Id open a bookstore/ spititual space where seekers could explore ideas
Id build a dog shelter for old dogs whoes owners have died
I create a foundation with grant mobey so disadvantaged could get an education
Id buy all the patents on renewable energy and make them free....

My father is logic and reason and those ideas to him are not substantial or real like his...
Hed buy all of his children a home
Hed travel and gorge his senses on luxury
Hed buy a mausoleum for his and my moms internment.

Its a Jupiter dream.

My Jupiter is in Scorpio. Square my sun. Square my MC. Conjunct my Moon and Neptune. Trine my Pluto. And with the sun becomes conjunct in midpoint to my Sag. Venus. (Which is Jupiterian in nature)

Jupiter right now is closing in on being conjunct my Dec/Asc angle. From what I have come to understand from looking through my lifes charts and diaries and info about other peoples charts, this is a time, my time (as at some point in the 12 or so years it takes to go around, it is every souls turn, 4x) to expierence the blessings and bounty that this transit brings.

In my past things like, refund checks, huge discounts on products (scored a $250 necklace at 90% off and used cashback coupins so it cost me $5) money found literally on the ground, secreted cash that had been stashed and forgot-found and other things like that have happened.

Also being at the right place at the right time to enjoy the company of people I love......and for me thats the real blessing of Jupiter.

Jupiter is about acculmuation of wealth.
But it seems like my idea of wealth and what makes one wealthy is different then most.

I think deep down inside most people will agree that its not what you have but what you enjoy that brings happiness. Yet, superficially, in the drive to live and survive that truism gets pushed down and what comes up/out is the converse Saturnian drive for material things, tangible things, real things to have and show off to others as a way of saying Im sucessfull I have this I created thus out of my life and work and will and desire.

Nothing of real value comes without time and effort and work. If my father cashed in his bonds like he says and gave me a boat load of money and a house et al.....I of course would appreciate it as he worked hard for his money and took risks and valued me to want to make my life easier, but that house that he gave me would never mean the same as tge house I worked for years to save and get a good credit score and get my mortgage and pay my bills via my own personal hard work and dream.

Jupiter does its own work in transiting around our solar system. It works pushing and pulling space and time with its heavy mass and huge size. It takes energy to move. Our planets work together in a celestial dance, just so balanxed that it all comes together in what seems like magic or an invisible force and we can correctly know where each body will be in the sky. Thats a blessing and one I am grateful for.

My family do not like me alone. Single. No man. They are constantly trying to hook me up. I see this very much as a symbol of the Saturn/venus aspect in delineation meaning "disfigurement".... Its not normal or socially acceptable for a woman (in thier eyes) to be alone.
The kids at school who know the difference between Mrs. And Ms. Do not hesitate to ask why I dont have someone. They seem sad for me. I tell them I am too busy working and raising my kids to think about anything else.

But thats a lie in a way.
I think about it all the time.
I think about how and why my relationship with Craig fell apart like it did. He made me feel like I won the lottery. It was a huge Jupiterian thing for me to be with him. He could be with anybody he wants and he seemed to like to be with me, doing nothing. It was/is so easy in so many ways to love him, naturally.

Which brings me back to this idea I have in my heart that things that come to you easily, like being blessed by a benevolent God of fate, winning the lottery, inheritance, finding a lost treasure.....I kinda pashaw or devalue or feel awkward or undeserving, and reject in a way so that instead of having the winning lottery ticket I feel blessed....its almost a curse. Ive had to work hard my entire life. I worked at home and school and my jobs. Ive worked at staying fit and healthy and mentally capable and emotionally mature and nonvolatile (!hard one!). Ive never asked for a handout or anything I didnt think I deserved or earned. If I want it or need it I will work hard to get it. I dont accept gifts because....nothing is free...an accepting gufts is very much a trade and an agreement and even in some eyes seen as a debt to be repaid. I dont like endebt. If I cant afford the price right now, with all manner of things tangible an untangible, I will do with out. I need to feel empowered in my own ability to manifest my life.


If I won a million dollars and bought a thousand cars and gave them to single mothers they would not have earned them by any merit other then some socioeconomic status they were in and may very well not take care of the car and feel angry and hatefull at me for seemingly looking down on them and not believing that they could do it themselves. Even though my person motive was to be of service with my blessed funds.

People need to feel like they can do things on thier own. They definately look a gift horse in the mouth and make thier own judgement calls. If I take away those ladies right to earn thier car, to be autonomous and free to choose how thier own life unfolds I am very much in a real way imposing my will and desires and ego .......and that is never a good thing to do.

I have these aspect and placements in my birth chart that seem to be a blessing. My Aquarian Sun, my Scorpio moon seem to be a gift from heaven saying "people like you....your fun...your nice to be around..."

Its like the universe is forcing them to like me....without me having to do anything...just by existing...no work on my part...they are magnetically inclined to laugh at my jokes and smile back at my smile.
It makes me think of people like my daughter with her angular venus and all the popularity and love and affection that is laid at her feet. It feels like an aspect of Gratitude and Grace have to be fostered so as not to become Egoic, Vain, selfish, spoiled....when one has a condition that inherits such benefical stars.

As a person with an Angular Pluto I dont like doing things against my will and I dont like handouts...nobody does....but Angular Pluto kicks it up moreso so that I really am uncomfortable the idea of my natal chart seemingly forcing people to be inclinded to act/react to me soley based on our synastry.

But thats inheritance for ya.

We inherit all sorts of things. People mostly think of money or property or good looks or Grandmas china set when they think of that word. Yet its so much deeper and richer then those things.

Jupiter is likened to the Magician and to that stage in human/infant development where the babys needs are correlated with action and response. The baby is hungry, it crys, it gets fed by a source that seems benevolent and all powerful. It correlates in its mind the crying action with the need being met and feels assured in its abilty to somehow always get what it needs.

I read lots of books about magic because it always seemed to me that somehow as if by some all powerful unknown, my needs got met with very little effort. So I looked into it, magic and psychism and the like.

That seems to make many people angry and resentful and jealous and just yucky about things. Fearful as well. Fear of not being valued and loved.

Many believe that magic is getting something with out the work. Like cheating in a way. If there is a spell or charm for riches and all you have to do is follow it like a recipe and wala you have a New Jeep then it isnt fair that everyone cant wala a Jeep. Many also believe that the wala-ed Jeep is less valuable then the one earned by hard work and time and intent.

My relationship with Craig very much felt like a WaLA Jeep. I had the man I always wanted, my schoolyard crush, and he grew up to be a hardworking man, who made me laugh at everything and knew all about my hometown and just a list of silly little things that always felt like it was perfect and meant to be and made in heaven.

Without any work.
Wala my perfect mate

Nothing is free.
Everything has a price.

In so many ways I felt undeserving, not good enough for him. I saw all my flaws and imperfections and wanted him to have someone better, stronger, less emotionally swayed, better social standing and acceptance. Not some crazy woman with such an troublesome past.

Our past though is our inheritance. Our dna and genes our cultural mores and ideals and values, our bonds to our kin and our community, our perspective and point of view and belief system....All the Jupitarian Blessings that outlast the inherited Chinaset and trust funds.

Those are the real things that last and last. Shared communal identity that grounds me in the fact that I am apart of something bigger and more important then my willynilly desire for a Jeep. I mean truthfully I want want a Jeep this week but next week Tesla may unveil it's own Offroad 4x4.

Men worry about that.
They worry someone younger stronger richer prettier nicer ect ect ad nauseum will come along and the woman they have will be gone. Women it seems with thier emotional fluctuations haven't given them may reason to doubt it either.
But a man in his heart, I believe, wants/needs to feel secure that he can go to work and not worry that his mate might not be there. All those explore s going on adventures for the worlds riches and leaving thier mates at home no doubt worried about this....or we wouldnt have chasity belts in meusems.

Jupiter will be very pominate in my chart this week. Ive spent the year dealing with very opposite concepts to Jupiters blessings of accumulation of riches, Saturns excretion like process of material stuff.....and I just want to be done with it.

I have searched my soul and all my feelings and issues and troubles and faced horrible personal flaws and manners and I have earnestly tried to learn and grow and become more accepting and understanding and compassionate as well as flexible and patient. Above all though I have worked and worked to be happy. To be happy with who I am and where my life is and who I share it with. Happiness I have found, comes from a place inside where blessings and gratitude come together in some weird magnatic way into an agreement of sorts inwhich the ability to give and receive are in a perpetual flux.

Im my egoic self I say....
Ill earn it myself
Ill buy it myself
I dont want a blessing or favor
I dont want anyhand outs
I can do it myself
I begrudge and resent and spite not having my choice my freedom my liberty and having things forced on me.....

Like a synastry chart withsome that inclines them to love me without me having to do anything lovable.

I believe though from my own personal experiences and from what others have said, we always have a choice, we are always free, anything is possible.

I plan on using this time with Jupiter transiting my Dec/Asc being grateful for all my inheritances and counting all my blessings and being as happy and loving as I can because the world needs that, it needs to reminded that its the little little little things like our dna and genes and soil and laughter and snowflakes and dig hair on the couch that enrichen us as a whole and make our lives have value and meaning. Not our Jeep or our house or our books. Its ourselves and how we share ourselves with others that Matter.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Jupiter is about acculmuation of wealth.

Saturn is about the accumulation of wealth.
The retention of wealth. The holding onto, even hoarding of wealth.

Jupiter is about having what one wants when one needs it/ wants it. Spending. Even squandering.

Jupiter is having enough. Saturn is not having enough.

[Veronica]

Jupiter is about acculmuation of wealth.

Saturn is about the accumulation of wealth.
The retention of wealth. The holding onto, even hoarding of wealth.

Jupiter is about having what one wants when one needs it/ wants it. Spending. Even squandering.

Jupiter is having enough. Saturn is not having enough.

Gotcha
Well
Like I said I have issues with it. Obviously understanding is part of that issue.
Thank you fir clarifing.

Jupiter is about having enough
But how do you have enough.....have it when you want it....if you dont acculmuate it?

[Veronica]

Saturn is excretion
Jupiter accretion.....increase in size by external addition.

I was thinking along those lines and thought acculmuation meant the same...its similar but slightly different.

I did mean " increase in size"

Poor word choice on my behalf thank you for showing the distinction

[Veronica]

Would it be fair to say that Jupiter is like the waxing moon and Saturn the Wanning?

Jupiter is growing towards fullness....
Where as Saturn is growing away from fullness

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Well, yeah, but my point is Saturn is accumulation. Riches piled in a cavern guarded by a dragon. So you'll have enough when you get old.
Saturn is guarding your hoard.
Jupiter is flinging money out of the carriage to the hoards of people.
or, you know, handing a store card for $20 you just bought to the person in line behind you with the two really cute and well-behaved (i.e. carefully watched) little kids because she's adding up what's in her cart a second time. Preferably in June, not "the holiday season" because yuck holiday season.

And yes, I'd agree with the comparison with the waxing and waning moon.

[Veronica]

So, If my calculations are correct this Friday will be the day when my SSR for this year will be 4/5th over. it will be the day when The Midhaven angle will have completed one full rotation and be back where it began at the beginning of this year. The Midhaven angle is about the self and how the self relates to self the identity of a person, usually pertaining to public identity and authority.

Hence this date is a threshold to be crossed and a great time to reflect and consider all that has gone on during the year.

From what I can tell, and please correct me if I am wrong the transiting aspects and angularities for that day are:

T Mercury conjunct the Acs 0’12
T Neptune opposite Midhaven 5’06
T Mars Opposite Uranus 8’09 (wide I know but I really like this aspect)
T Venus trine Midhaven 2’05
T sun square Midhaven 3’10
T sun square Neptune 1’56
T moon square Venus 5’21 and Jupiter 6’45
T Jupiter trine Uranus 2’21
And Saturn is still conjunct Pluto at 3’03 and Venus is kinda tagged in much wider to them both.
So that’s is what is going on in the sky for the most part, with lots of other much wider and less influential aspects going on but I think that’s the crust of what that day is.
Now the synastry between my natal chart and that day gives this:
T Jupiter opposite my Asc 0’28
My Sun square T Asc 4’27
My Venus trine T Midhaven 4’28
My Jupiter square Midhaven 5’21
My mars conjunct t sun 3’21
My Jupiter trine T moon 2’04
My Uranus trine moon 3’54
My Venus conjunct t Venus 2’23
My Uranus square T Venus .52
My Saturn opposite T Mars 6’
My Pluto square T Jupiter 1’02
And of course there is the ongoing natal mars being square by transiting Neptune.

I realize that we do not usually list the angles that wide because they are not as strong and the trines are like a smooth flow and less noticeably discerned, but I do notice little things and I think they add a more detailed picture.

The Strongest aspects are the Venus to Venus
The Jupiter to Pluto and the Venus to Uranus
As well as the Mercury on the angle.

It is the Mercury on the angle that has led me to a very strong turning point right now, which I feel as the Jupiter to Pluto aspect of letting go of things that are no longer serving me which is then tied strongly into the Venus to Venus aspect.

I do note that I do not seem to have a strong moon aspect at all, even though this morning I did have a very emotional moment, but I am going to say that, that moment was actually part of the Neptune to Mars aspect as well as the returning of transiting Venus to my natal Venus and then once again, like on my birthday last year, conjunct Saturn ad Pluto. This year though there is some nice space between all that and the momentum seems to have provided a frame to really express what that type of cosmic event has on a woman like me with my specific natal chart.

This point in time has brought to me a very deep and profound understanding of my nature and how it has progressed over time. Its funny in a way because it feels like for a few years now I have been following a bread crumb trail to get to this point. It probably has been more like my whole life has been following such a trail to this point. As most of my life I have lived very much to be of service to others in need, to the denial of my own needs-the desires and appetites of my Moon.

In the past few weeks I have spent time thinking about my moon and its scorpioness and how I really really like Taurus moons, I read the summary’s for all the moons and when ever I get to Taurus I am always stuck by the beauty and softness and seemingly fat and round and happy ideal that pops into my head. I’ve thought about if I had a different moon, what would I be like, and I always wonder mostly about Taurus, which is my opposite side and when the moon is on my demi lunar returns. I do wonder what that would be about. There is of course beauty and love and nurturing in all moon signs, the moon is the most beautiful and nurturing and loving luminary and She blesses everyone with her presence, what a horrible thing to not have a moon sign, you cant even imagine it because it isn’t possible, we all have that nurturing soothing calming motherly love inside of us because we all have the moon.

There has always been something about my moon that I just wasn’t happy about. Scorpio moon seems really cool and nice and fits me very well, but for some reason I just never quite seemed to be able to potentialize it, to bring out the best in it and I never could see why. I try at being happy an d cheerful and nice but, I try…its not natural often, it feels fake, not real. Which I would had attributed to the conjunction with the illusionary Neptune, but I think its not that mostly. Ive thought about what I mean by ” I try “ and in what specific points of time is it that I have to try to be happy and nice and al the good loving nurturing things that the moon is all about….and I realized that what it actually is, is that I try to be nice…..because in all those instances someone or something in my life is just NOT being nice to me, and I ignore insulting remarks and I put up with rude behavior and I tolerate and I am taken advantage of, and I don’t express my feelings and what I want and need.

And that is what has really been happening in my life. I don’t express my true feelings and desires and nature. I try to rationalize it with things like the golden rule and karma and such, but I tell you so many times I have just wanted to slap someone for being so nasty and mean for no good reason, but instead I ignore the pain and hurt it causes me inside. I invalidate my own right to my own feelings and somehow in my brain twist things about to actually justify and say that my feelings and wants do not count and can be repressed and suppressed and ignored, for the greater good, to keep peace, to not hurt their feelings, to not hit back, to be the better person. That kind of thing.

Why on earth would someone do that though? If you insult me with your nasty remarks I have every right to be hurt and I have every right to tell you that you were nasty or cruel and to maybe point out to you back what a immature and selfish and short sighted and self destructive way that type of behavior is and how it doesn’t serve anyone any good.

I’m not talking about me being a jerk to people, I am talking about when people are deliberately jerky to me because they don’t care about my feelings that they are so wrapped up in themselves that they don’t care about others.

And that type of insulting sarcastic condescending manipulative controlling behavior will most definitely show up as some sort of aspect like mars to mercury or Saturn to Venus type of thing in their chart and then continue on into some synastry combination with my chart to produce an event in which they in very real way attack me, most all of the time in a backhanded, slimely undirect manner that could be twisted about so they can backtrack and say something like t” that not what I meant, but if you take it that way that’s your problem” Instead of just owning up to being a jerk in the moment and acting or talking bad. People see me as someone that they can lash out at because I seemingly will take it and not lash back, or that I will lash back and then get emotionally overpowered and be easier to be more jerky to.

So I have followed these breadcrumbs because Im freaking starving.
You don’t even know how hungry I really am.
Unless you have lived almost 50 years with a BackGround Moon aspect
In the 6th house too,

The imagery of the moon before I was born, riding across the sky in all her glory, shining Her loving light out for all the world to bask in and growing in service to all and nurturing all, to then setting below the horizon into the dark underland of the hemisphere, out of sight, out of service and pulling back from the duties of mankind and turning to the needs of the self……which is when I was born, my moon just past the horizon sitting below, in scorpio, in the 6th house. In the background. Unable to express, having its needs not met and not knowing why.

I know what I need
I know what I want
Why cant I do like I see so many people do
Ask for what they want
Be direct and say exactly what you want and need
What holds me back?

I was quite disturded to read about the negative connotations that the sixth house had as I have 4 planets there, and how it had been noted to be especially bad for moons, but I see total truth in what jlained so kindly to me…… how I have very much lived my life in service to others almost non stop (like the moon before I was born had reached fullness after traveling the entire sky and growing in strength servicing all)

Jim wrote to me

“If houses are meaningful, I would say this powerful 6th house emphasis speaks to how you relate to work and bringing service. More importantly, and connected to issues you've been addressing recently, the 6th house is inherently connected to the idea of finding value and worth in yourself distinct from a left-over, ill-placed instinct to "exist for someone else." That is, a 6th house planet has spent the most time it can possibly spend above the horizon, climaxing in extreme others-orientation in the 7th house and at the Descendant, and then was hurled into the hemisphere where it's "rightful" function is to identify with self rather than other. The planet initially resists this and tries to find ways (no longer appropriate to it) to "live for the sake of someone else" - therefore the 6th house represents a crisis in self-sufficiency and self-care.”

I have not been doing my rightful function, because of this aspect in my chart.

My planets in that are should be, after spending so long traversing across the sky, taking care of themselves and not others. But I believe, at least for me, that this is because that journey took along time and a lot of habits and conditions and behaviors that were cultured to serving others, and since those planets are so fresh underland in the 6th house that they have not shaken the conditioning and let loose the bonds of that. Which as shaking bonds go is an extremely Scorpio thing and funny that my planets in teh 6th house are in Scorpio.

So what this all means to me, and what the realization I had in the past day or so, which is my Jupiter on the des blessing, is that my moon which has been background for so long is now going to be fully expressive and I am in a mindset in which I am not going to be a door mat any more and let people intimidate and bully and talk nasty to me and I am going to aggressively go after what it is that I need and want, Im done catering to others feelings and not saying or doing things for fear of causing trouble or upturning the bucket so to speak. Im not saying that I am going to go aggressively looking to be what society calls a bitch but if someone pushes a button and try to hurt me I am going to let them know and in a most direct manner.
I have been called the worst things, and people have hit me, and screamed at me, and been aggressive, and told lies, and stolen, and drugged and just about everything nasty thing and I have forgiven and looked the other way and not mad an issue out of it, and it really has not served me well or done me much good at all. My planets need a chance to do their rightful function.

I think that this ssr coincidence with my Solar Arc transits that are happening right now too, as T Uranus is conjunct my natal moon, giving expression to once in alife time shocking emotional revolution as well as the Solar Arc mercury transit which I see coincidence with the Gemini themed years I had. Next year according to my 49th birthday year my year is ruled by cancer and the glorious moon and I can think of no better thing tto have happened to me on this day then having the rightful needs and wants of my own unique person to be sought after and met, at last.

Im tired to being a civil servant, and mother, and caretaker. I want to explore the other dynamic aspects I have in my chart like music and painting and exercise and well, sex but a completely different type of sex then I have had in the past, and food….I am so hungry for so much that I have been denying out of what I think was a long pattern of taking care of others, and not realizing that, that time was/is over and it is now time for me to serve myself.

I read a letter that my son had written in which he talked about how sorry and sad he felt for me because I work so hard for everyone else and I don’t have any thing left for myself and that I give and give and put up with the worst treatment and how it makes him so angry at people who are mean to me and how he wants to work hard and earn lotsa money so that I don’t have to. I don’t want my son to feel bad and sad for me. I need to show him that his momma can most certainly take care of herself and can do it better then anyone because I have the blessing of a lot of experience in taking care of all sorts of people so it shouldn’t be hard.

I was thinking about all this, this morning and I was reflecting on moments in my life when “I” was the happiest. And I mean “I”’ not happy because i did something for someone else and it felt good. I recalled a moment in the snow on a snowmobile under the moon holding tight and laughing and just so happy all over. I know when I was the happiest, they were all with Craig and how at those moments it felt like all my needs had been met.

That is the most incredible feeling. to feel like all of your complex intricate needs are met, to not have a need in the world, to be satisfied and content and whole. I was so blessed to be with him and I can think of those moments and be brought back in time in a way and know it again in my mind and I crave that and desire it and want those feelings back.

So I glad that I found a trail of bread crumbs and was able to piece together the bigger picture of the huge part of my inner psychology and metal issues and heart issues and come to terms with myself and why I tolerated and endured and denied myself for so long. Its was a phase that had to be progressed and matured and developed slowly over time and in such a manner that the potential truly horrific possibilities with a unexpressible moon did not manifest into violent ugly events in the world and that I was able to keep them contained in myself and process it and metabolize it and neutralize it

[Veronica]

I woke at my usually 4am ish today.
Been having some really beautiful and profound dreams.
One in which I had a tiny little bunny as a friend and he liked to sleep curled up on my belly as I lay sleeping in the fetal position. I was struck that for all my very vivid and profuse dream life, I didnt ever recall dreaming about sleeping. Bunny was so small and soft and warm and fit just perfect up against my skin. I had bunnies for pets as a child. I love them. So soft and gentle and calm.

Anyway... Today. At 4ish I went down to the kitchen to put the kettle on and low and behold, my son musta been up cooking for an army because I think every pot n pan and plate and utensil was scattered all over my counters and sink.

And I think he was gardening or something bc all over the floor was mud and dirt and leaves and puddles where im assuming snow had melted.

I laughed because today starts my mop up/ doing the dishes last leg of my SSR.

Its not my mess though.
People have to clean up after themselves and take care of there stuff so that it will be usefull when they want to use it again.

Had a great great great day at work. My co worker has been blissfully cheerful and nice and super friendly to me. We all took a lazy day and put up holiday decorations and participted in the schools "holiday cheer" contest of decorating the doors to all the rooms and the offices and of course the libraries great big picture windows. I have full confidence that our door is going to win bc it is just beautiful and I have a special machine called a Cricut that I use to make the coolest paper cutouts.

My daughter shovelled the driveway without being asked and when I came home my son had cleaned the kitchen spotless.

Im going to work on a new book with my decoupage painting style of art tonight. I got a bunch of great movies from the library. The Outlander series which I am so excited to watch bc its in my ancestors homeland. I also bought a scratch off lottery ticket and won my money back.

Im happy.
I can feel it in my bones how the heavy saddness and despair seemed to put my mind in an unatural way for me.
I am a genuinely happy friendly funny outgoing person and Im glad that Im content with myself. Its a different type of happiness then I felt when I was in relationships. In the past, Id be happy and the men I was with seemed threatened by my inner happiness and assumed that I was "talking" " relating" " cheating" or getting that joy from some other source then them.
But you dont become a happy person from others.
They enhance you own natural level of happiness (or sadness/inner pain?).
If you cant be happy and full of joy being alone doing your own thing then you wont ever be happy with someone else. Youll become in a way...sick..twisted..distorted...looking for the next fix, drink, drug, body, product, to try an satistify the need for balance and harmony and truth. And that can only come from self exaining your thoughts and behaviors and asking deep deep questions to yourself and looking for the answers.

I do have some dishes and housework that does need to be done to clean up my own mess, so Im gonna go and finish up that and sing my favorite songs and dance while I do it. Because a spoonful of sugar makes the job a snap;)

[Veronica]

Tomorrow sets up my next demi lunar.
I have felt so much better all around, in just about every aspect of my life.
Having Saturn and pluto get away from my natal venus has felt like a huge weight lifted and now with Venus conjunct them .......it feels completely different, I feel completely different inside then I did at my birthday when my SSR set up.

This demi has a lot of really strong factors going on.

T Mercury is conjunct my moon Neptune and Jupiter.....and hence Square my Sun and Trine my Pluto.

Im really interested in how that is going to be.
Im always at a lack at discerning that conjunctions inner psychology of my character. Its like they all get blurred and squished together and have no pure individuality....but its such a strong part of what makes me...me.

Thinking that maybe now that I am conscious of thus mercury transit (as Ive never paid much attention to it) that I can get some insight into those three components of me and maybe be able to appreciate each seperatately and have better clarity on my own personal pros and cons and contradictions and needs.

Im not expecting any major event or trigger that seems Mercurian....ie my work load at school. I may have an interaction with a student or employee that may need to call upon that part of me to deal with it. Not sure. Time will tell.

I am slightly on guard about the Transiting Sun being conjunct my mars.....
People pushing my buttons...conflict...trying to cause trouble....
As well as Transiting Mars being opposite my Saturn....
People with grudges or thinking I owe them ....wanting payback....more possible violence...

But really Im cautious but not to concerned because I dont owe anybody anything and my bills are paid and Ive worked hard at building up a life around me that is peaceful and nice and not being a jerk and minding my own business and paying for things upfront.

So while I have a slight reason to be careful I think that my life chouces are not going to bring a heartattack or stroke or some Crazy person who thinks I owe them....

Plus I think with my Natal Sun on the Angle as well as Transiting Jupiter on my des. That I will be able to deal most effectively and positively to any malease or challenging situation that may arise.

That whole pluto saturn venus movement. As well as the ongoing subtle pulling of neptune on my mars really slowed the part of me that was impulsive and emotional and violent and pained......like I used to feel like choppy waves...reaching high and low...and now Im not....Im not smooth because I still feel this firey spunk and gumption and power but more able to control that fire and spurut and use it for me instead of against.

So anyways. Tomorrow maybe a firecracker in a way but I do think of myself like a pretty sparkler on the 4th of july and I have a 100% record of getting through everything lifes tossed at me so far.

[Veronica]

Oh and by the way....

I am super dupper excited at my next SSR and all the Sagittariusness. Ive practiced throwing knives alot and shooting pellet guns and bows and arrows.....my whole life. I love weapons and next year I think its saying that My aim will finally be on the mark.!!!

[Veronica]

I do believe that I had a major personal insight this week.

For a while now I have been exploring ideas about my relationships with people..family, friends, coworkers, strangers.
Now I have no control over who is born into my family or who is in my family.
And in the jobs Ive had, I too had no control over who my bosses or coworkers are.
I do have control over who I spend my down time with.

Mercury has been transiting my moon neptune and jupiter and I have tried to use this time to think and examine myself with as much clarity rationality inspiration and ingenuity as possible.

I tried to discern a keyword phrase for my triple conjunction which is also aspected by my angular aquarian sun and angluar virgo pluto.

This week I have been blissfully happy.
For no real reason. Just t. Venus to my venus.
In fact I could name a hundred reasons why I shouldnt be happy at all.
But I am.
Singing and dancing and reading and watching a great show and eating yummy things I like and going to bed when I want and getting up when I want.

Its as if even though the outer world is trying to shake and break and control and dominate me, Im in total control of my attitude and mindset and living my life as I want. And Im in love. I feel so in love that Im just bubbling and bursting and smiling and nothing can stop me. And while I love Craig, this feeling of being in love was centered about loving life and loving my space and time and place in life...not just a person...but everything.

I had a very weird thing happen this week when Chiron was Square my Asc. I went outside to go to work and my headlights were on. I was alarmed and curious and fearful and a bunch of other yucky feelings for awhile. But. A very short while.

Someone had gone through a whole lota trouble to play a prank on me. How flattering in a way.

In thinking about my relationships with people I came to see how it appears from my end at least that people really want to be my friend....and if they get the feeling that I dont like them...well...they get hurt feelings and then say and do things to lash out, to get back, to make others not like me.

I seem to sometimes make people think I dont like them. Which is mostly always not true at all. I may not like a behavior or an opinion or a attitude, but that doesnt mean I dont like them as a person.
I am an Aquarius after all and love people of all sorts on principle because as humans we are all Brothers and Sisters. In my heart at least.

The people I click best with though, who I feel deeply connected too and are best friends and enjoy the most all seem to have some spectrum of something going on.
Add adhd bipolar schizophrenic obsessive compulsive all sorts of DMSRT classifactions of some type of condition.

And then it hit me.
My family on my mothers side is filled with different types of Autistic conditions for generations in a variety of manifestations. It can be very genetic and hereditary.
I get along with people incredibly well. At school I calm the children in a meltdown. I have my whole life. Its like Our brains sync in a way and I know what to do or say to help and make things better.

I believe with all my heart and soul that life is an progression and is ever mutating and trying to interpret all the stimulus of the world....things we cant even see like quarks and dark energy and the full spectrum of light are only off limits to us because we have not yet evolved the capabilites to process and interprt the information. Maybe people with these so call disorders are evolution in progress and nature moving forward so that all things manifest can be used.

My exs and my dad have called me crazy...but Im not. Im overstimulated. My mind veing bombarded with information so fast that I can't process it efficently in a short period of time ...and I get frustrated and reactive.

I am very interested to see what I can learn when mercury transits my mars and then my desc....now that I have a clarity of mind and quiet around me to observe.

The faeries must have turned the lights on in my car.
They are my friends and watch out for me.
They must have foreseen an accident if I had left on time and were keeping me safe.
I got to have a beautiful open hearted conversation with my children about safety and preflight checklists before take off....which I wouldnt have had if my lights hadnt been turned on. So it was a blessing in disguise.

And thats what I think my moon neptune Jupiter sun pluto means. A blessing in disguise.

[Veronica]

Interesting aspects I just noted in my lunar return coming up on the 23rd

Transiting Venus sextile my natal neptune at .46
While transiting Neptune is also sextile my natal Venus at about .49.

Thats both close to exact partile.

What a wierd combo.

Is there a date/ time when they are the same?

I realize sextiles arent very important in lunar returns and none of those planets are angular, so Im sure it wont be much of any sort of huge deal.
Just struck me as very uncany.

It will probably manifest as me indulding in a delious Dr. pepper and then having it bubble up all over me in public.
Or some silly thing.

[Veronica]

My life completely changed the moment I got pregnant.

Every single thing I do is for my kids.
Every penny
Every calorie

Its such a nervewracking thing
Having a part of you
Living outside of yourself
My son has a Capricorn Stellium and with that he most definitely fits the bill with father issues.

They say Capricorns either want to be thier dad...be better then their dad, or kill thier dad. My son definately fits the last two.

He was the one who years ago at 13, locked his father out of the house and had me call the police. He had had enough of me being abused.

That boy means everything to me and I have worried about his happiness and adjustments to the world and how life would treat my little buddy.

Hes a mommas boy. So kind and thoughtful and protective and always looking out for me. I home schooled him because we missed each other.

When I split with Eric and had to work and enroll my kids back in school I tried my best to be around as much as possible. Then when I met Craig and worked with him and was gone all the time working crazy hours, I still spent as much time as possible just being there. But I hated not being with Craig. I couldnt wait to get back to him.

My son has a wonderful SSR coming up. I could he was mopping up his last years about a month ago. His whole self seemed to switch into a new mode. A mode Ive never seen in him. He has a girlfriend...kinda...and a job...and reads and works out and has his car now...and just everything is really seeming to fill out and unfold in a truelly wonderful way.

It has broken my heart everyday in a way to not be with Craig. To know hes right over there. But I know that Craig has wholesome family morals and ideals of parenting and that he wants me to be here with my kids, raising them to be the best that they can be.

My exhusband on the other hand...goes about town calling me names to everyone....hiding income...not paying childsupport...being the town drunk....instead of supporting us and being nice and trying to be civil and humane.

Its so bizarre.
A man who isnt there father cares more for their upbringing and life then their own father.

I am so grateful that Orion has such a wonderful year ahead of him and that Ive gotten to spend these past two years at home with him...doing nothing but mundane lifethings...but just being around him and giving him the best and healthiest time and space so tgat he could grow into his own.

Eric may have occassionally given me court ordered child support but Craig has giving me the emotional and nurturing support that helped me through this time. While he may not be in my life as an active person he has kept his love growing in my heart and was always there in a way when I was down and needed encouraging. Blows my mind.

Two men...absent in my life...one constantly beating me down and trying to hurt the mother of his children. The other...encourging and uplifting the mother of someone elses children...because he knows that children need a happy loving healthy and posituve mother if they are going to bloom into there potential.

I am so happy and excited looking at Orions SSR. That saturn pluto conjunction on his sun is going to be such a blessing...and just what he needs to get his life unfolding the way he wants. And with Jupiters all near angles and all that Loving from Venus ....oh my...my boy is gonna be a man soon enough!

[Veronica]

Omg Omg Omg!!!

This morning I checked my transits and saw the T Mercury was conjunct my N Mars and aspecting my natal Uranus and Mercurcy...

I said to myself....
Self....observe any highly unusual communication today or messages as they will be there if I am willing to see them with love and disciple.....( my venus and saturn are also tied into my mars mercury uranus aspect)....

Omg omg omg

This has never happened...

I was driving home from dropping my daughter off at work and outa no where a Bald Eagle swooped down bext to my car and literally flew alongside of me right outside my window for about 10 seconds before he swooped off over the trees!!!

Brought tears to my eyes.
So grateful and feeling blessed for all the little things in my life!!!!

I literally had also just posted on my social media my favorite holiday picture of a white Pine tree filled with Bald Eagles!!!

I recall Jim telling me about a time when I would have unusual blessings coming my way and I laughed at myself and said I feel blessed beyond the heavens if Im out hiking and I find a pretty feather...how those little things fill my whole body with so much love and joy... And I wondered what on Earth the Universe would be setting up if I can find that much happiness in a lost feather...which isnt ever shown in my chart....

Sigh....

That was truelly the most amazing thing I have ever seen !!!

[Jim Eshelman]

Wow! Awesome!

[Veronica]

Tomorrow sets up my new lunar return.

It appears the my N sun is on the Mc
As well as the T sun on my Dec. Square my Pluto

I also have that strange double T Neptune to n Venus....T Venus to N neptune.

Im planning on taking my car to the dealership bright and early to have my brother in law fix my heater. NY is very cold in the winter.

Im hoping the T sun to my angle and square Pluto indicates a quick and easy fix....and that possibly the venus/neptune humilation potential will be that it was something silly that I should have figured out on my own.

Not planning on pressing my luck with anything else...but I concidered it. My dad wanted me to come over and Im not going to and a few old friends had wanted to come over/get together and Im not going to.
I still feel like I need more time working on a few things.

The Jan 12th conjunxtion of pluto to saturn is near a potentually agressive Return for me and Uve been thinking about some other psychological garbage I want to be rid of before my next SSR.

My ex boyfriend this past year has been creeping around my sicial media and my families social media. I trued to make peace wuth him last year....forgive and forget....but from what Ive seen and geard he is looking to cause trouble and gas been telling lies and making up BS....50year old man acting like a 12 year old.
He stole a lot of money from me. Admitted it too. Then accused me of gaving pent up feelings. So I set him straight and told him I felt absolutely nothing at all and that I see he has not changed his behaviors or grown up at all and that I wanted nothing to do with him and that he should pay attention to his wife and children instead of me and my famiky and my loved ones socual media.

Ive wanted to say that for years but didnt want to enrage him because angry people do stupud things. I fifyre though let him be angry and if he does or says anything stupid it reflects who he is....as the people I know...know me and wouldnt believe him because he is a notorious liar and bully.

The other thing that Im not sure is reflected in my chart accurately is my desire and intention to do a internal cleanse of my digestive tract and to switch my diet back to a Keto diet. I felt awsome on that before but in thinking about my sisters gut issues and cancer I think this last leg of my SSR should be focused on eliminating any and all left over junk in my body.
With the internal clease I plan on detoxiing my orfans and doing deep tissue massage work on my body to try to work out any muscle memory that is not going to serve me in my new year and also buy some exfoliates. To scrub up my skin. Saturn deals with our difestive and extratory functions and that starts at the skin and goes through the mouth down the guts and out the ither end.
Im also going to get this crazy hair Ive got going trimmed up and cut into my natural syle of just long shaggy curls...instead of cuts that demand products and straight ners and all that. Im going to go for my next SSR to be as free and natural as I can be.

So thats my ideas anyway on how to constructively use these last lunar cycles to my advantage and work with them to unfold and manifest things in my life that will have long term results that enhanxe my life so I can continue to feel happy with where I am and where Im going.

[Veronica]

Woke up to no heat today.
Thought I had enough heating fuel till payday.
Had to spend way more money then I wanted today.
So I didnt take the car to get its heater fixed.

Things like that really bring up feelings of being a bad parent and how I should just stop being so independent and get a man to help me with all these bills and work.
Its so hard.
And i know a million billion people have it worse then me...
I mean...
I think about it all the time about this saturn pluto conjunction and how it must be so painful and geartbreaking and alone feeling and soul ripping for soooooo many people out there.....
Not just me
Thats part of why I post
Because I feel it in my bones that there are people at there last straw from this cycle and have no where seemingly to turn fir solance or hope.
And maybe they will stumble in here and read my words of how Ive struggled and trued and worked to keep my head up after having my heart stomped on and everything.
And maybe it will give them strenght and courage and hope that their pain and suffering will end somday too.

I dont care that Im cold.
I care that my kids will be cold. That they will be dissapointed or embarrass ed or scared that I failed.

I have space heaters

Im tired of being in love with an illusion with a dream of an unattainable man. Its hard to let go when ut felt so wobderful...but truthfully it didnt feel wonderful sometimes too and that's because of drugs and alcohol and avoidance and denial.

I unfriended and blocked my exboyfriend yesterday on my social media. Hes still a drunk and a jerk and a stalker and a liar and I tried to give him the benfut of the doubt that after 20 years he had changed. I broje up with him because he consistantly made me feel like I wasnt good enough and that lotsa other women and men were interested. It hurts to have people debilerately play with your feelings and play head games. So I blocked him and this time Im not going to ever believe ge changed or grew up or was sonething other then what he really is. A mean lying troublemaking drunk and bully. Im not giving him the chance...any chance....he had his chance with me and thats it.

This T Neptune to my N. Venus has obviously been going on for a while in the background as it isnt a strong aspect like a square....but it fits exactly in what I have been feeling regarding Craig and trying to work things out.
If he wanted to work things out with me he would put in effort and Im not feeling that at all. He has a girlfruend and I am not the type to hurt another woman over a man. She maybe that type, but Im not.

T. Venus to my N Neptune is a shorter transit though and. Even though Ill have it fir the duration of my lunar return I feel that I can constructively use that affection and love to harmonize and clear up my misconceptions about Neptunes bad rap as being illusions and deceptions and bring out more of it's uterine bliss and divine love.

[Veronica]

I peeked out my window just a minute ago and saw the most beautiful sliver of the silver cresent moon. Just the slightest liitle fish hook up in the sky peeking out from the naked tree branches. It was so beautiful. I shifted my head just slightly and the branches seemed to part in the most perfect way so the right above the moon I saw one brilliant star. So bright. So perfectly hung right above the moon. If it fell out of the sky, the moon would catch it like a slide and toss it back up to the heavens.
At least thats what I thought.
I had a most beautiful day.
Im reading this delicious story my beloved nephew bought for me, a mystery about old books and woodcut engravings and foreign languages and the 3 Musketeers.
I paused that buffett of words though to run some errands. Even though I really had no immediate need I felt an stronger inner need to get out into the world today.
I visited my sister and her lovely dog and cuddly cat and even spent a few brief moments visiting my dad. I decided today I would also visit my grand niece and have her cut my hair...after about 6 months of letting it go.
It really was a wonderful day and I felt so ultra feminine, soft and pleasing and happy and wanting to nurture relationships I cherish and take care of my needs.

On my way home I played a silly racing game that I like to do when the opportunity presents itself. Like a cat and mouse game with race cars and it always makes me laugh out loud and gives me a very strong adrenaline rush that, depending on my opponents car, makes my gut tremble and legs shake. An extremely physical reaction to just a few seconds of life. Its like my mars just had an energy shot. Cars have a very strong effect on me even though I have been working gard on learning to control my biological impulses and reactions through breathwork and focus.

So great day all around. Singing and dancing and working out.

So when I paused and looked out my window and saw the moon there, my mind tried to think about where it was and where we are and what am I seeing. Ill admit that I stare at the stars and moon for hours and hours and I still really have no clue what Im looking at and where...unless of course I cheat and use a map or a constellation guide. Youd think after all the hours Ice spent that Id have a clue where each constellation was.

Tonight though I did. And it made me even happier.

Ive wanted to understand astrology and astronomy my whole life, and I read and look and think about it, but I still no nothing really at all. Im ok with that though. I know more then I did and enough to orient myself and navigate this world.

When I saw that star it clicked.
The 23rd was my lunar return.
The moon was at 7'Scorpio
After Scorpio the moon moves into Sagittarius, and towards my Natal Venus.

But I knew my natal venus is not in the sky conjunct the moon. Im not that blonde. Though I did realize that my ultra beautiful day was because the sliver of the silver moon slide was conjunct my Natal Venus and that is where the beautiful Vega is as well.

I was so sad for a moment today though when I read that Beetleguse may go super nova. So sad. Its such a beautiful star and in my favorite constellation Orion. But thats the way of things. Nothing last forever. If it blows up it will send stardust and elements and all sorts of waves and currents and beautiful new potentials out into space.

Neptune has left that sticky aspect to my Mars. Merry Christmas to me. Parts of that were so painful (inflamed joints from my injury) and convoluted and yet other parts of that really gifted me with insight into my needs and desires and bad habits and self sabotaging lazy weak and self deluding tendencies. Which we all have at times. That time for me is now over. I feel incredible. Strong. Fit. Clear headed. Emotionally secure. Youthful and vibrant. Super strong and confident in my ability to overcome any and all obstacle and to do so still remain true to my natural kind generous loving truthful and encouraging character.

I know my chart has aspects that talk about vanity and ego and thinking Im great and self dillusion of who I am and my role in the world. And it must be hard to read and nit think...what a conceited self absorbed vain stuck up...your highness....but I cant help that. I was birn to think I am wonderful. I think everybody is wonderful. I really do and it would be such a crime if I couldnt extend those same feelings of love for all of hunainty...to my own self...a silly little human living in some small town.

I have the most beautiful conjunction in my chart that is so touching and soft and femibe and lucky and I know its such a part that others can tell when they meet me that I got something going on and they dont know what but they know they like it. And thats a good thing and Im done listening to people who have said on one side of there mouth that they love me and from the other say Im a. Demoness that they hate...and all the other drama that ensues.

Im loud and proud and not for the weak and Im ok with that. Eric and J can do and say what they will...like they always did and its none of my business and Im none of thiers.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Using a map is not cheating.

[Veronica]

I love you!!

Probably should have used the map......
Sigh....
I was close though.
It is Venus
I am that blonde.

[Veronica]

Primarily from Bradley:

MERCURY-NEPTUNE
Enthrallment, deception (misrepresentation), fanciful autistic thinking, impracticality (frustration of plans). Vulnerable to being deceived or making wrong decisions. Promises now made are unreliable (or worse). One has good reason to distrust the truth and sincerity of solicitations. Embarrassment from blurting out the wrong thing: Guard the tongue, ignore gossip mongers (and resist obsessing about whether their whisperings are about oneself).

This aspect in my SSR 2019 was a sneeky one.

The conjunction transited and aspected my n mars Venus and uranus.

Ya know....
I made a fool outta myself for love.
I cant even begin to say the silly love struck things I did to try and show my love.
But I did
And I sang everysong
And danced ever dance and wrote every poem....
From the rawest most sensitive vulnerable part of my soul
Because I was in love

I did all that
Knowing that my pictures could be hacked
My emails stolen
My poems plagerized
My songs and video
Shared with the whole entire world
Even though I sent them only to one person.
From sincerity
And love
And trying to make him smile.

Jim said elsewhere...or asked....what is a constructive use of humilation....

Love. Love is the only constructive use of humilating yourself.

Only 50 somedays till my new SSR.....
I am still cleaning up some things....and the reality of this aspect was one of them.

I dont regret or feel ashamed of my honest expressions of love. Its the better part of who I am, my raw open and vulerablness.

[Veronica]

Happy New Year!

The moon transited my MC yesterday.
Moody. Lazy.

I did wake up today though and had a thought.
I thought that my idea of planning a SSR day filled with things I like ie good food excersize sunshine seemed empty. I have a new plan. It seems to fill in the voids very nicely. I think its a better way for me to best process all that Martian Pluto action I will be expierencing. I am hoping that this new direction in thought will allow me to best share my contribution to life.
Time will tell
Itll be fun for sure
I do have fun with Mars;)

[Veronica]

I do believe that the t Sun is about conjunct my n Venus.

That also means the sun is conjunct the fixed star Vega and opposite Sirius.

For the past day and a half I have been motivated to deeply ckean and rearrange my home. At first I thought it was just the typical after holiday put away the decor ations...which is how it started. Yet inside I felt like I needed to set up things around me in a more pleasing way.
Since I wasnt planning on living here long I never truely unpacked all my stuff. I like the pretty things I have and I like to see them and not have them in plain Brown cardboard boxes. Yet Im going to move again soon so I didnt want to add to that task by setting things out. So I cleaned and rearranged what I do have out into a more pleasent set up that also seems to flow better for how I really use the space.

T. venus was also conjunct my N Mercury which found me in the woods running into exotic wildlife (a white squirrell and a black weasel who was so adorable!) and uncovering the mystery of where the poachers hang out to hunt the Stags.

There is also this very strange man who I run into all the time now when I hike. Very friendly and accutely non threatening. Older. Probably born in early 50s. Told me he was a Gemini..very proudly...but hes really a Taurus with his mercurcy in Gemini. Said he engineered a robot and and ultrasound machine to test the integrity of building materials in rockets and nuclear reactors so they dont fail. So I guessed his mercurcy was on that side of his sun.

Meeting men tosses me into a quandry.
I am not at all attracted to this man.
I get worried about turning down advances.
People can do crazy things if their feelings arnt returned.
He hasnt broached the subject yet.
It almost is making me not want to go hiking because I dont want to run into him and then have him want to walk with me home.
He seems like a nice guy but I really have no desire to spend time with him. I value my tine now and choose how I spend it and with whom. I really dont feel the need to apply myself to that type of relationship and I dont feel anysort of deep inner connection to this man.
If I dont feel that
Then I dont bother.
I never have.

My demi lunar sets up in a day or so with some exciting conjunction action on my venus. I go back to work...to all tge little kiddies in middle school and Ill get to hear a million stories about what they got and did over break. Seems fitting.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

The transiting Sun conj your natal Venus should be partile tomorrow, then will be moving away. The Sun is moving at 1°1' 9" today, and is 1°14' from contacting your Venus.

Men, some of them, are like cats. The cat makes a bee-line for the lap of the person who doesn't like cats. Because there's some energy there, and people who have energy pointed at you are interesting. Stop pointing energy at him.

He might just be used to being around people a lot (like at an office he no longer goes to) and just wants companionship. I know, they always have to try and yes it's exhausting. I'm sorry. It gets less as you get visibly older than most men, but it never goes away. And there's always Shrödinger's Rapist to deal with.

[Veronica]

I hear you and appreciate the feedback.
I like walking in the woods alone.
I don't want the company.
I seriously have avoided walking because I dont want to run into him. Even walking around totally new trails hoping to avoid him, yet he still pops up and is just super friendly and gabby, and at first him being so very much older it never crossed my mind he was still a very sexual male.
Ive kinda been very brutish in my language, or free speaking and it has not at all detered him. So I guess that projection of energy is what May be causing this.
The park itself seems to have exploded with traffic recently. When I first moved here it was always nice and quiet and empty. Now tge parking lots are always full and people are everywhere.
Glad to be moving soon.

[Jim Eshelman]

Mention your wife next time you chat with him.

[Veronica]

Lol....yea thats a good one.
But...
He also told me he lived for a decade on a free love commune. A wife wouldnt deter.

Ironically..again today as I headed out the door...he appeared again. Got his license plate n make n model of his car. I straight out told him that I prefer walking alone.
So he wandered off in the other direction.
If he comes around again, I will again let him know I am raising my kids and have no interest in a relationship with him. I said it once already but he talked over me and "didnt hear" Im sure.

He definately saw me checking out his car and making note of it. I made it pretty obvious that I was staring at his plate.

I was pretty happy with being so direct with him today. He really was being kinda forceful about walking with me. I didnt like it (his body language and mannerisms) and definately had the ice queen leave me alone tone about me....which I hate having to be that way when inside I want to be feeling safe and happy and peaceful.

So glad to be going back to work.
I finished 2 more collage pictures today and fifured out a nicer way to apply the glye so it looks prettier so I was really happy about that. Happy about glue. Imagine that. Glue.

[Veronica]

Mention your wife next time you chat with him.

It would easy to lie..
To pretend that I am romantically involved or otherwise committed.

As a child I often did tell guys lies...that I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend or I only date older men...and when I think about why I lied...
It was easier...
I ask then...easier then what?
Being straight up and honest and saying I am not attracted or interested in you.

Thats a scary thing to do.
Men dont take that flat out " it IS something about you that doesnt work for me" very well.
At least from my expierences and seeing the experiences of women I know.

I dont want to lie.
I want to be able to be free and safe to say no thank you....to show the other human being basic respect and dignity to be open and honest.
I would want some I liked to tell me honestly that they didnt feel the same. Not to lie and pretend just to get rid of me.
It might hurt and embarrass and be uncomfortable for a few, but I would rather that then to be told a lie.
Lieing and saying "oh I have a wife allready"..sends a message that maybe possibly if I didnt...well yea...Id entertain /hook up with you. Gives false hope because when that is revealed (all lies come to light eventually) its an added insult (not showing respect and dignity) to the injury of rejection.

I dont want to participate and perpetuate that sort of thing even though its rampant and such a normal part of our culture. Its wrong to not be as clear and open as possible.

Yet unfortunately in this society if men get told the truth and are rejected we run an extremely high risk of being retailated against.

My brother told me to tell him that he says all men have a dark side and that I am to stay away from them all because I am to nice to have to deal with thier games.
My Brothers Know best about the hearts and intents of men and if they tell me I should stay away then I shall.

Even with my Mars/Uranus aspect.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

And then there's always the guy that says "I won't tell if you won't."
Shudder.

[Veronica]

Exactly!!

More lies. More pain more hurt feelings.
More childishness.
Our culture encourages liars cheaters and sneeks.
I dont like it and that Mars Uranus aspect makes me wanna choke jerks and cowards who suggest sleezy stuff like that.

And you know the jerk will tell....
He will tell his friends
And then when he wants to hurt his gf...he will tell her...

Amazing babies are still being born really.

[Veronica]

I have a new lunar return setting up for tomorrow. The main aspect is transiting venus conjunct my MC. Mars has transited past my natal moon neptune juputer conjunction and is midway to my natal mars. I observered an interesting amount of energy during that time that I was able to use very constructively towards refining my goals for the up coming year.

I am reading Jims Interpreting Solar Returns and this one paragraph really opened a door to my understanding .....

"If an individual does not identify with a need or quailty (s)he is expierencing, that quality is projected onto a part of the environment; that is, the individual expierence s it as a trait outside of himself or herself, awarded to someone else in the vicinity."

What this said to me was that if I deny that I have within me all aspects and traits possible to all humans, then that need or quality will seemingly come from something outside.

I have spent a lot of time wondering why if I love Craig so much and loved being with him, why we couldnt talk things through.

What I have come to understand about myself and my chart and how I interact with myself and the world is that I have (like everybody does) some aspects (like Venus to Uranus) that are deeply personal and hard to express openly and hobestly with others.
But there are there. And everysingle day I live my being has to find an outlet for that part of me. Every single day. Ever single day my conjunxtion screams to be expressed, my Pluto pounds to be known, my Sun burns to shine and all of what makes me me (or you you) needs to find an outlet for expression.

I gave been proxessing tge feelings that menopause bring about. The end of my ability to create children. Yet I still have a need and desire to express that creative source. I have to find a new outlet. Sexual energy is creative energy not just shagging and sweat and orgasms but a vutal need to express our crwative self. When you dont have someone to express that with its like a dam on a river that will just overflow.
Sex was like art to me. The whole thing like a masterpiece in love. I knew being the scorpio moon and mars that I am that it would be unhealthy unnatural and dangerous fir me not to find a way to express that side. So I channeled that into my artbooks and let that beautuful sensual erotic unusual and free side of me pour out onto my paper.

As I have grown in my unserstanding on astrology and specifically how transits moce about I was struck by how often I would find myself saying.....oh Venus was transiting my sun that say..that means it was transuting Craigs Mercury...Orions Mars...Sabrinas Neptune... And being able to see how while I was expierencing the world in one way because of a transit it was being expierenced differently by those in my life. It was almost second nature now to see how with Mars on my Moon it was also aspecting others in my life.

Thus made me realize the vital importance for me to find constructive outlets for some of my more difficult aspects so that I do not end up acting out and playing a negative part in somonesles day.

I need a strong healthy outlet for my Mars. Everyday. Be it working out or sex or painting my bedroom or cleaning tge kutchen. I need that. My mars needs to burn off. I used to box with my brother when we would get angry and he would let me whomp on him to feel better. It worked. And to satisfy the Mercurcy saturn aspects I would swear and talk crap and punk talk him and it gave ne a safe space to get that out of me.

The same goes for my Venus Saturn and Uranus aspects which are a very real part of who I am but a part I know I have denied and gave trouble being honest with. That aspect imo is a strong dactor in why my relationships deterioated. I never was able to give them a healthy expression and I denied thier existence and they found form in my partners feeling lije they were a dissapointment, tgat they were restricting me from things, that I wanted things they were nit providing and that my needs and wants for love were so voraciously unusual and strong that they believed I had to be messing around with others. Which I wasnt, I was repressing and supressing and shutting off and detachting to the point of an almost complete menral breakdown.

So I have to find a healthy expression for those challenging aspects that I have.

The moon neptune jupiter aspect square the sun and MC gives me a need to express love and happiness and all the good and miracles of life. I find that in bugs and birds and frogs and rainbows and funny looking trees and stars and the moon.

Funny thing...
I mentioned that man who was always on my hiking trails. He seemed to want to be my friend. He seemed Like he liked me and was interested in my thoughts and ideas. I wasnt interested in sex wuth him but I didnt mind if he wanted a friend to chat with once in a while.
I didnt want to hurt him or get him mad at rejecting him sexually.
But I let him know I wasnt interested in sex but I liked him as a person.
He let me know he was only interested in sex and he only pretened to care about my thoughts and what my person could do for him.
I havnt seen him in allmost two weeks.

Im glad I was honest with him.

Ive been doing something very naughty. Something I might have yelled at someobe about in my younger years. Im doing it deliberately as an out for energy.
I have been feeding the foxes.
I give them meat.
They come obce a week and sing for me.
Its wrong to feed wildlide. It makes them dependant on us and less likely to hunt well on thuer own.
My chart has tgese aspects though...stalkers...hunters...prey...vicitims...and Im pretty suck of hiw the world brings them out to me so I thought that A healthier expression of a hunter seeking prey would be if I fed the foxes so they could get fat and make lots if babies so there would be more foxes to eat the mice. Like a negative feedback loop. More foxes less mice ...less mice more flower seeds... more flower seeds more flowers... more flowers more bee food... more bee foid more bees......less chance of famine.
I also need a vent for that aspect that says I got a bit of a bad girl in me.

[Jim Eshelman]

It's not a very distinctive lunar return. Nothing is closely angular. Here are the factors I think are important (but none of them are really important). The only moderately angular planet is transiting Jupiter, so the month tips positive. The stand-out aspect is transiting Jupiter square your natal Uranus (which is closer mundanely than ecliptically). There are then numerous partile aspects not on angles, and these will be felt as secondary conditions.

r Uranus on Asc -8°59'
t Jupiter on IC -6°43'
r Pluto on Asc +9°31'

-- t Jupiter sq. r Uranus 2°16'

Other partile
t Saturn-Pluto conj. 0°38'
t Neptune sq. r Mars 0°38'
t Sun-Uranus sq. 0°41' in mundo
t Venus-Mars sq. 0°54' in mundo

[Veronica]

I think the main feeling is that this is my last full lunar return of my year. My next lunar return starts a few days before my birthday so it includes both SSRs. But this was my last one with the Saturn/venus/pluto conjunction on my venus.
It's nice to have chart with such big orbs and not much significance. Kinda like getting to catch your breathe, esp after having felt the whole ripped apart atom by atom feeling I had and the fear the pain would never end.
It has. My body healed. My mind calmed. My heart kept beating. The sun kept shining. I kept growing. Things got better and are getting better everyday.

[Veronica]

Pretty great week.

Went hiking and lost the only key to my car.
Stressed me out financially and made me put on my man hat for a day, but I kinda thrive in weird choas problems/challenges. Inflames me to not only overcome the problem but to do so like a "boss."
Made me reflect on all the past super big projects I took on, like trying to grow my own food, raise ducks n chickens, homeschooling my kids, being the ScoutMaster....things I knew nothing about but tried my best and succeeded in. I dont feel like I have truly failed at anything I ever tried. I gave everything my best shot and since Im at a pretty great spot in my life now, it was all worth it and not a waste of time or effort. Even though my chickens were eaten by the fox I did all I could for my part.

I dont know exactly when it happened but.....
On Thursday at almost exactly 4pm
I felt fat.
I got on the scale.....(which I never do much bc Im underweight and gave never watched my weight)
TaDa!!!! I had reached my goal weight!!
128
(Which has my bday numbers 2-18)
Ive worked... so hard this year to overcome the shoulder and neck pain by taking it easy, which as an extremely physical and active person was sooooooo hard.....
I said last year that this saturn pluto venus on my venus was gonna beef me up and by golly I did it!!!

I am so pleased with reaching that goal.
My transits for that time are very partile wuth all sorts of almost exact aspects!!! So many, lots of almost irrelevent aspects, but with me....I dont see anything in my charts as irrelevent.

So my fat arse is gonna make a nice stew with dumplings and count all the other challenges/problems/blessings in disguise I have in my life and overcame them this year!!

I feel a very strong Martian shift inside me in the past few weeks. I feel very strong and confident and agressive and confrontational towards situations that in my past I would have run from/avoided/neglected/saught escape from. I have had so many weird chaotic crazy troubling things in life that I have gotten through that I feel amazingly confident that what ever comes at me I will be strong enough again to overcome. For so long, being with Eric....I felt weak and stupid and ugly and helpless....but that was his gaslighting me and me as a mom not having the sence of self and the self confidence to click my ruby slippers.

[Veronica]

I have the most beautiful dem lunar setting up today.

Last week T Mars conjoined my N Mars.
I wrote out a detailed 2 year plan.
I didnt realize 2 years ago that I was embarking on a Mars cycle, but in looking back to where I was and my thoughts feelings and actions I most definately was setting specifiv goals and had in my heart where I wanted to be.

And here I am.

My heart feels like it is missing a few strings, but its still beating and pushing on strong.

I decided to do away with a few things/habits that I have loved doing, because in doing them I cant do other things that I love as well.

I wanted to take a moment and say thank you to everyone for bearing with me as I flush things out inside and work through some very challenging aspects. Your kindness and understanding is touching but the most valuable of all has been the lack of judgment calls and intollerence towards my expression.

I am so very grateful for this forum and all of you.
Thank you.