Specialized Inquiries: Intimate Relationship (marriage, sexuality)

[Jim Eshelman]

GENERAL INTRODUCTION: Sidereal astrologers have rarely written at length about how to judge specific areas of life about which people may have recurring questions. Tropical astrologers dwell on this extensively, surely fortified by the idea (that may or may not be true) that different areas of life are "governed" by different houses.

Speaking for myself, I've not written about such topics extensively because my primary interest is exposing character and its unfolding. I disagree with the house-driven premise that we are drastically different in how we handle different parts of our lives. Instead, I find that, "How you are in one part of your life, so are you in all the parts of your life" - your inherent self ultimately shines through one way or the other. Therefore, my basic answer to any question of "How does this person act in the X part of his or her life?" or "Over the course of life, what is likely to happen to this person?" will always be: "Understand who this person is: That will tell you what you want to know."

Nonetheless, we do have ways of placing a magnifying glass over one or another area of life; we just haven't sharpened these tools. I propose to start a series of threads on different life areas. For each, I will post this introduction; then reserve the first reply space for me to post my primary answer (as I get around to it). The rest of the thread is wide open to discussion and contribution. (Over time, I will edit my premise-post with the idea of turning it into an instruction in the topic, fed by the discussion. You don't have to wait for my premise-post to post on the topic.)

Some will be tempted, based on the nature of these topics, to jump into the houses as a quick answer. As the thread is open to discussion, that's fine; but, as usual, my own opinion is that we should stick with techniques that we have proof work, which at this stage in astrology's unfolding would minimize or exclude the use of houses.

Everyone feel free to jump in!

[Jim Eshelman]

Click to jump to the refreshed discussion of this topic.
https://solunars.com/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=4846#p52903

[Veronica]

Jim said

"an intentional examination of sexuality patterns in a horoscope (and those things that lead to it) will get you closer to the essence of who a person is than anything else (and, with in-person counselling, will engage them in talking about the whole of their being more easily: "

In 1981 when I was 10 I learned/heard about AIDS, and how people were dying because of who they had sex with.
That imprinted on my mind that it was very very important to keep track of who and when and how one was sexually intimate.

So I did. I have in the back of my hello kitty diary I got from my sister when I was 11 a little post note with the names and dates of the men I chose to be intimate with.

I had looked at a few of the dates...my first...a lover who recently died...and they were extremely telling/refreshing to me personally to reflect back on that time of my life and where I was in it.

As it is right now I have not had any sort of physical intimate relationship in almost 3 years and for the past year as I have noted a shift in my relationship with my sexuality (for the better) and a willingness to honestly explore the choices I have made.

So I am curious what to do with these dates/names? It seems very odd that someone would have a concise list of their sex life/partners. Maybe it isn't though for the age.

Honestly,
I am afraid to have sex. I am afraid to trust and be open and vulnerable ever again. I cry when I try to think about someone touching me softly and that feels so very wrong and I dont like it.

I dont have dates for everything, but I have about a dozenish solid dates with iffy times. What I had been doing is creating a chart for that event and then comparing them to my natal and progressions and to my lovers charts. Most all of my sexual relationships were extremely short lived/moment of passion. I have had 3 long term couplings back to back after a very exploratory youth I suppose.

Any tips or pointers on how best to use the data, or creative ways to help me explore this aspect of myself?

[Jim Eshelman]

So I am curious what to do with these dates/names? It seems very odd that someone would have a concise list of their sex life/partners. Maybe it isn't though for the age.

It would be really cool if you could get the birth information of the partners - even without times. I've found that the charts of women in my past has been very revealing about me, what I've needed and responded to in life, and how this has changed at different periods of life.

But these dates alone could be very useful. At the very least, I suggest making notes from memory on what each occasion was like, how it felt and affected you at the time, and then checking your transits on the occasion.

Presuming you have your first occasion of sexual intimacy, I suggest you study that as thoroughly as you can - transits, progressions, solar and lunar returns, all the quotidians if possible - because that's often an important experience and important psychological turning point.

Honestly, I am afraid to have sex. I am afraid to trust and be open and vulnerable ever again. I cry when I try to think about someone touching me softly and that feels so very wrong and I dont like it.

That's a tough one. From your chart, and knowing you a bit, your sexuality is enormously important to you, a big part of your aliveness. Nonetheless, if you are afraid then you shouldn't do it.

It would be difficult to provide any kind of counseling on this from such a distance, on a forum. One thing we could do, if you want to try to restore your trust, is help you track (perhaps through your lunar returns, safe times that have strong pleasure indicators. I can also encourage you to find a women's clinic that you trust that has counselling services - someone to talk to at length about this over time.

Despite all the glorious, delightful sex and intimacy indicators in your chart, you have a natal Venus-Saturn trine that has apparently been stirred. I think the astrological marker of this is progressed Mars (which crossed your Venus three years ago) exactly trine your Saturn right now. Among other things, this can give a heightened sense of threat.

Jupiter will be crossing your Sun and squaring your Moon-Jupiter-Neptune soon (the first time is in May-June), so this may give a different sense of safety and the opportunity to get some goodies for yourself. You also have a progressed Moon-Uranus conjunction about then, always good for something new, exciting, and refreshing. (Add: solar arc Uranus has started to square your MC.)

In the long view, progressed Venus squares your natal Mars in 2024, likely to mark a couple of years ('23-25) of more active passions.

I dont have dates for everything, but I have about a dozenish solid dates with iffy times. What I had been doing is creating a chart for that event and then comparing them to my natal and progressions and to my lovers charts. Most all of my sexual relationships were extremely short lived/moment of passion. I have had 3 long term couplings back to back after a very exploratory youth I suppose.

These short-lived bursts can be great astrological explorations. You could add some really useful information to the astrological knowledge pool by examining what transits or return charts triggered those. (I regret that I don't have that information for myself. I have a fairly complete set of birth charts of partners but, at the time, it never occurred to me to record when they occurred, so I only have dates for the few that solidly stick in memory (my four longest-term partners).

[Veronica]

I have been looking at the chart for the first time I had sex.

It's actually amazing IMO. The Lunars and Solar are right on too.
I do not know how to do quotient charts for that day but regardless, what I see is pretty much in my face truth about many many other relationships I had afterwards.
Very uncanny really, and quite empowering to see the cyclic patterns of my life.

I wrote about my experience and the events and environment I was in, and as I was pulling words out of air to articulate as best I could I laughed at myself for my weird style of writing.

Jim as far as I recall you and I have never discussed this event and I have never told you the date. I think though that if I tell you all the details, in my own words, you would most definitely be able to figure out the date. Only Sidereal Astrology can do that. The angulaities and progressions are spot on from what I see.

I will finish writing up and typing out this first date.

I do not have his birthdate unfortunately but you may even be able to deduce possible important synastry aspects.

[Jim Eshelman]

Moon, Mars, and Venus primarily describe our sexual nature. I say “primarily” because, like most things important to us, sexuality arises from the entire horoscope, especially when we include the habits, social rituals, and other secondary behaviors that sur-round it.

Moon is foremost of these three, as it portrays our instinctual nature. In fact, if we were to link the roots of our sexual nature to a single astrological factor, it would be Moon. Mars and Venus are important for the biological aspect of procreation and such polarities as aggressing and receiving.

Passion (of different sorts, both sexual and non-sexual) is stirred partly by the strength of these three factors and partly by the union of sexual polarity planets: Both Venus-Mars and Moon-Sun aspects fuel great sexual passion and, more generally, powerful desires of all sorts. Venus-Mars produces greater overall emotional force (powerful feelings). Moon-Sun combinations intensify the physical and psychological vitality that fuel great desire in whatever they undertake (including sex).

Of the personal planets, this leaves only Sun and Mercury. Sun, of course, is central to any matter of who we are as individuals and our behavior in all are-as. In sex, romance, and partnership, a foreground Sun portrays distinctive behaviors (described in the Appendix A interpretations) and Sun is source of the essential life force that powers every passionate under-taking; yet Sun by itself is not a sponsor of sex. Being more “civilized” and complementary to the highly instinctual Moon, Sun is abstracted somewhat from the instincts. Sun’s innate need for some sort of im-mortality and posterity fuels its connection to bearing children (as discussed in the next chapter), but this is not a sexual motive per se.

Of course, Sun’s constellation describes overall behavior including sexual behaviors. Also, Sun will activate any of the overtly sexual planets that it aspects. In fact, the passion innate to Moon-Sun aspects may simply stem from Sun vitalizing Moon’s strong desires.

Mercury, by its associations with pre-puberty (childhood), is sometimes pre-sexual. However, Mercury’s expression is usually androgynous rather than ungendered. Mercury’s primary sexual behavior is inordinate curiosity about sex, as about everything else. In a chapter speaking candidly about sex, we also should not be shy about saying that angular Mercury signals unusually skilled hands – in sex, as in many other areas.

Moon
Angular Moon is one of the surest signals of strong sexual appetites and being highly responsive to sexual suggestion. Affection, flirtation, and friendliness light lunar types up like a switch. (As always, this is subject to modification by aspects and other details of Moon’s cosmic state.)

Many lunar themes converge here. First, Moon is our storehouse of psychological and biological instinctive forces and drives, including anything we might call an appetite (of which sexual appetites are among the most important). Lunar types live in ongoing need of stimulation. As elaborated in the next chapter, Moon bears the biological need to procreate – not only to mother living children but to be father or mother in their creation, to build and fill a nest.

Furthermore, Moon is the significator of intimacy. More than any other planet, Moon in us determines how we let others in, how we ascend the scale of sensitivity, empathy, and telepathy, responding more to connection than to individual distinction.

Moon’s constellation is the most significant descriptor of personal sexual tastes and preferences. Much of this is already given in the sign interpretations in Appendix A. Later in this chapter, I will detail more.

Mars
Mars’ behaviors are often so ferociously sexual that it may be puzzling why the red planet does not get top billing on matters of sex. The reason is that Mars has no part in intimacy, which is the real topic of this thread. Nor does Mars’ sign describe sexual tastes, preferences, hungers, or hard-wired symbols as does Moon’s sign; that is, it does not show the flavor of sex a person naturally desires.

Angular Mars shows heightened needs for aggression, exertion, dominance, penetration – anything that is physically active, raises the blood pressure, and incites admiration of physical excellence.

Speaking bluntly, strongly martial people of both sexes need to frequently engorge their tumescing erectile tissues with blood and then eruptively disgorge it. Blood and force are the martial themes. This frequent need to erupt is characteristic of people with

1. Mars closely angular,
2. Mars in strong aspect to either luminary, or
3. either luminary in one of the Mars constellations (Scorpio or Capricorn).

Foreground Mars favors impulsive acts taken in the moment without calculation. Mars types are sexually aggressive, their strong sexual pressures needing frequent satisfaction. They prefer enthusiasm and ferocity in a partner. My files include striking examples of Mars angular people known in their social circles to “like it rough.”

Mars’ sign has little to say about specific sexual preferences or approaches (unless the signs themselves have a specific sex theme, as with Leo, Scorpio, or Capricorn). Mars’ strength (by angularity or strong luminary contact) matters most, while its aspects (as with any planet) provide other details, particularly how these energies flourish or flounder.

Venus
Astrologers, in the spirit of romantics everywhere, often assert that Mars is the planet of sex, but Venus is the planet of love.

Broadly, this is fair and useful, especially for beginners. It contrasts Mars’ predominantly physical requirements with Venus’ needs for connection and relationship including affection, giving and receiving love and tenderness, and eventual partnership. When a line can be drawn between Venus and Mars experiences, our minds are usefully drawn to distinguish them by the familiar contrast of love vs. sex.

On the other hand, love and sex are often as inseparable as the Olympian Venus and Mars themselves on a warm spring night. When Venus’ husband could not slip a wedge between them, he simply cast a net over them together. Even the word net (from a root meaning “knot”) signifies “tied tightly together.” Commonly, love and sex, like Venus and Mars, are tied tightly together in our minds, our fantasies, and our lives.

Venus seeks pleasure. People with Venus strong prioritize pleasurable stimulation of their senses and treat themselves to enjoyment. The associated affection and affiliation needs include shared play. Venus’ mix of connection, play, and pleasure can be served well by sex.

People with Venus strong are flirtatious and affectionate. Where Mars is sexually aggressive, Venus is receptive; that is (depending on other chart factors, especially the relative strengths of Venus and Mars), while Venus types are perfectly capable of pursuing what they want, they most love “being taken.” Where Mars is inherently penetrating, Venus is instinctively receiving (words not limited to gendered anatomy). On the pain-pleasure spectrum, Venus gravitates toward pleasure and away from pain.

Aspects to Venus have much to say about what we colloquially call our “love life” (which includes our sex life regardless of love). Each Venus aspect has a distinctive profile elaborated in the Aspects section of Appendix A. However, Venus’ sign usually has little to say about sexual choices or approaches. It says more about how we relate and partner.

[Jim Eshelman]

Outer planets act primarily as modifiers regarding sex. Inner planets are more instinctive and personal (astrologers sometimes call the inner five the “personal planets”) with Moon leading on all matters of the instincts and the Venus-Mars pair having much to say about the forward-backwards, approach-avoidance horizontal transactions by which even primitive life navigates safety, food-seeking, and reproduction.

In contrast, Jupiter and Saturn are more vertical in their transactions, contrasting (in simple language) being lifted or cast down. Jupiter is totem to Saturn’s taboo. Both connect to existing social structure and ritual, whether of complex communities or person-to-person contact. While Jupiter causes things to flourish easily and Saturn causes them to fail (or require hard work to succeed), both Jupiter and Saturn constrain the instinctual with social convention, religious mandates, civil law, or outright restriction or prohibition.

No planet is more abstracted from the instincts than Jupiter, the most “civilizing” planet, which tries to be “above it all” and transcend an animal past. Yet, by aspect, Jupiter causes Venus or Mars to flourish, enhancing them, instilling confidence in their life areas, and broadly ensuring that their needs are met.

In contrast, Saturn is more restrictive, inhibiting and frustrating of Venus’ and Mars’ needs. Yet, Saturn also is earthier, unapologetic, feeling no need to distance itself from the animal, the primitive, or the past. While Saturn restricts many facets of Venus’ and Mars’ expression, Venus-Saturn rarely means sexual restraint (often quite the opposite, when meeting practical physical needs is unlinked from love). Mars-Saturn may overcompensate with thoroughly practical (and occasionally brutish) sex. Saturn takes what it needs when an opportunity presents itself.

Uranus and Pluto, in contrast to Jupiter and Saturn, have no concern for civilization or anyone else’s rules. Both blast aside or evade the boundaries of others’ constraints or expectations. In matters of sex, this has led to Uranus and Pluto being thought planets of sexual aberration and perversity (meaning, of course, only that they have no care for what other people think about the matter).

By far, the clearest demonstration of the meaning of Uranus and Pluto in sexual matters is
the contrast of homosexual charts 50 years ago and today. Through most of the 20th century, even after the sexual revolutions of the 1960s and ’70s took root, astrologers investigating sexual anomalies mostly centered on gay charts because they were so readily available from public figures and people we personally knew. (Please understand that “anomaly” is not a pejorative here: It simply means something different from the norm of its time and place.) During these decades, it was always easy to “prove” that Venus or Mars aspects to Uranus or Pluto (and sometimes Moon-Uranus and Moon-Pluto) were overwhelmingly common in gay populations.

Except… these were not studies of gay charts per se, but, rather, of openly self-identified gay men and women during an era of antagonism and suppression from society at large and the law in particular. In a time when someone admitting that he or she was anything but stringently heterosexual often had grave risks for their community acceptance, job, freedom from incarceration, and even life, these Venus-Uranus, Venus-Pluto, Mars-Uranus, Mars-Pluto (and occasionally Moon-Uranus and Moon-Pluto) aspects marked people who were willing to be visible social anomalies, either to claim greater personal freedom or as a political statement or social challenge.

Though many of us suspected this was the case, there was no easy confirmation until the early 21st century when same-sex marriage and other partnership rights began to spread from state to state in the U.S. and finally, in 2015, nationwide. With legal protection and a decade of increased social acceptance, even those of us living in cities that always had large populations of same-sex couples suddenly found their number seeming to grow rapidly.

As vastly more same-sex couples emerged into the open, do you know what we found about their horoscopes? We found… that they did not have “gay horoscopes,” i.e., they did not have what were previously thought to be distinctive markers of a non-hetero birth chart. They had the same range of ordinary charts as everybody else.

Venus, Mars, and (sometimes) Moon with Uranus and Pluto only indicated those willing or eager to be open social-sexual outliers. This was true of people regardless of their sexual orientation. Among other traits, Venus-Uranus aspects show pleasure drives free (or defiant) of social convention and taboo, allowing enjoyment from diverse, varied social and sexual experiences including those labelled forbidden. They approach friendship, love, sex, and other pleasure on their own terms, with a deep, broadminded instinct for flexibility and freedom. Venus-Pluto people instinctively reject others’ arbitrary rules on love and sex, often having highly unconventional relationships. Their sexual behaviors may challenge social norms (usually inadvertently). Mars-Uranus is sexually uninhibited and enthusiastic, with a lifestyle that tends to confront social conventions. Mars-Pluto folks (for their psychological and physical health) need to live and act by their own rules, being as disobedient as necessary to find their own way. Their sexual energies are potent and often forbidden.

These descriptions sound a lot like the people who populated urban gay scenes in the pre-AIDS years of the late ’60s, throughout the ’70s, and in the early ’80s. Yet none of these is a “gay aspect.”

These aspects still show abundantly for people who are openly outside the social-sexual norms of their times and places, historically or currently. Uranus and Pluto are outliers that require freedom (Uranus) and exemption from others’ arbitrary rules and judgements (Pluto).

This leaves only Neptune unaddressed. Neptune’s strongest contribution to matters sexual are two: First, a desire to get lost in something, deeply submerged in fantasy, enchantment, or secrets, and especially to find and surrender to temptation. Second, Neptune enjoys drama and delicious pretense. These points may combine in something deemed illicit or scandalous with the participants taking open, secret, or defiant glee in the scandal.

[Jim Eshelman]

With two Taurus founders, Sidereal Astrology has been actively engaged in the study of human sexuality from the beginning, with frequent writings by both Fagan and Bradley that were as forthright as polite periodicals of the 1940s, ’50s, and ’60s could be. Gary Duncan responded to Fagan’s call for deeper research by creating a short Kinseyan type of survey on sexual preferences (with a focus on pain-pleasure fetishes) and trained me to administer it. I later worked with groups of sex therapists and educators to gather further data. (This briefly included learning from Wardell Pomeroy, who was quite amused with the silly-seeming idea that astrology could usefully organize data he had spent a lifetime gathering by interview.)

What follows is based on those early surveys supplemented by intervening decades of client consultation. An early summary of these findings was published in The Constellations in the latter 1970s. I remain puzzled at how little work has appeared along these lines in the time since.

Constellation themes were remarkably consistent from the surveys and interviews. The pleasure-pain and dominance-submission dynamics of all the Spoke signs, dramatics and (figurative or literal) costuming of Pisces and Leo, ferocity of Scorpio and welcoming receptivity of Taurus, driving curiosity of Virgo, animal rutting of Capricorn, and pushing social boundaries of Aquarius are commonplace in people’s lives.

As signs serve as wombs gestating and birthing symbols, patterns, and styles in all parts of our lives, they reflect sexual patterns, tastes, and styles to which we respond and that we adopt. Moon’s sign is the best single descriptor of sexual tastes and preferences. Sun’s sign usually shows similar sexual themes, though not as vividly as Moon’s sign. Most of what we know on this topic is included in the luminary sign interpretations in Appendix A where it can be understood in the context of other desires, relationship patterns, and primary behaviors of each sign type. Nonetheless, a few research findings are worth highlighting.

What follows are not firm recipes. Sexual tastes are rarely as cut-and-dried as the thumbnails below imply: They are as diverse as the people who indulge them. After years of talking to people about their sexual wiring, a few helpful generalizations have emerged:

1. Whether in their actual behaviors or their persistent fantasies, few people are as normal (statistically boring) as most people think, but most people feel normal to themselves.
2. People’s sexual behaviors do not fall into neat categories you can label. Most people drape across several boxes.
3. Everybody is “in the closet” about something in their lives (not always about sex) so we might as well all smile at each other and get over it.
4. You really do need to ask most people the same question three times to get a full, authentic answer when it involves either sex or deeply held beliefs.
5. Perhaps the greatest tragedy I have seen with my own eyes is how many people carry deep shame for something that hurt nobody and brought pleasure – and which (unknown to them) a lot of people they know also do or did.
6. Never try to make sense out of who your friends love or why (unless you are an astrologer who understands how chemistry ignites between charts). Love is inscrutable.

A final reminder before continuing: No matter what someone’s chart suggests about their sexual interest, eagerness, or openness, these things still depend on the person and situation. You cannot tacitly presume interest or consent.

[Jim Eshelman]

Pain & Pleasure
In surveys and interviews regarding sexual scenarios that include inflicting or experiencing pain, all Spoke signs reported the most experience, strongest fantasies, or greatest interest.

This does not mean that all Spoke luminary people (or even all Spoke Moons) desired sado-masochistic experiences, but a majority at least fantasized about them. Furthermore, a large majority of all people expressing interest or reporting experience had a Spoke luminary (Moon more often than Sun). Any of the four Spoke signs could lean more toward sadism, masochism, or both.

Gemini-Sagittarius has been linked, across the centuries, to the disciplining schoolmaster with whip or rod raised doling punishment to school children. Moon in Sagittarius commonly has sadistic fantasies or leanings, often tied to role-playing, and to favor domination, whips, and weapons. Both Sagittarius luminaries are likely to favor more severe discipline and punishment and to want to enforce what is right vs. what is wrong. Gemini, on the other hand, has experimental, playful sex tastes and curiosities, and is usually open to kink. Geminians lean masochistic, often favoring “punished child” roles and other, broader child themes.

Pisces is adjacent Andromeda, a young woman in chains with an elaborate, epic tale involving five other surrounding constellations. Unsurprisingly, therefore, Pisces has a bondage or imprisonment theme tied to its fantasies and acts. Sensual indulgence pervades Pisces’ lives (either actively, with a relaxed idea of morality, or something fiercely repressed by a painfully narrow morality). Over the centuries, more examples of extreme moral license and exotic erotic escapade have had strong Pisces support than any other sign: They “make a production out of everything” including sex. Moon in Pisces people often relish having a secret side and thinking themselves deliciously scandalous.

Virgo is the least likely Spoke sign to enjoy high sexual drama, though temperamentally they lean toward masochism. Virgo Moons often experience abuse or abasement growing up, especially around puberty, and some of this sticks. Most often, Virgo luminaries are more sexually submissive than aggressive (barring a strong Mars influence) and eager to serve and please.

In contrast to these, Libra is rarely interested in experiencing pain with sex. Nor does Libra usually seek to give pain (though they might accommodate that desire if a lover insists). Though Libra has a high pain tolerance, the idea of pain is hard on them so they generally avoid it. Taurus, from a different motive, usually ends up at the same conclusion: Taurus shuns the harsh and violent. Nonetheless, if the intensity of Eros overwhelms them, many will set their objections aside. As we shall see later in this chapter, the two men who gave their names to sadism and masochism both had Taurus luminaries.

Scorpio Moon or Sun interviewees often spoke as positively about pain and sex as the Spokes, but this is misleading. Scorpio simply likes sex and often favors it fierce and rough. If a partner wants them to inflict a little pain, they are willing to accommodate; but it usually is not the pain aspect that turns on Scorpio per se. Sex does that all on its own.

Drama & Costumes
While some representatives of all signs spoke positively about role-playing and games, when it came to costumes and theatrics, Pisces and Leo led all the rest. If they do not actually indulge costumes and high drama, it is often vivid in their fantasies.

No other signs reported strong costuming experiences, desires, or interests except that the only women who told me they had and wore a French maid’s uniform for sex had Virgo Moons. Venus-ruled signs expressed a greater fondness for lingerie.

Power & Surrender
Three Sun-signs are especially known for exercising great power and control: Leo, Scorpio, and Aries. Most of the women I interviewed with these Sun signs loved to exercise power and control in their public lives and wished they did not always have to be “the strong one” and take the lead in private. Routinely, they reported difficulty surrendering control in the bedroom unless they had confidence that their partner would take charge effectively – commonly complaining that only a few men they knew could “get it right.” They did not want a partner to take control from them but, rather, someone to whom they could surrender it.

I never heard this from a Leo, Scorpio, or Aries man I interviewed. I think the reasons were sociological, a combination of men’s stations in the professional world in the 1970s and ’80s, and a disinclination to speak of such things especially to another man. Nonetheless, I suspect that the same dynamic appears for men of the same sign types. Were I administering the same surveys and interviews today, the results likely would be different.

Other Sign-based Sexual Patterns
As mentioned earlier, sign interpretations in Appendix A include further details on common sexual patterns in the context of general character. I will mention a few more here, with no intent to be exhaustive.

Eros (in the sense of a love of life and its energies and mysteries) permeates the Taurus soul. With Moon in Taurus, sexuality shapes much about their lives, often being how they explore and learn about themselves in adolescence and early adulthood. Like other Venus expressions, Taurus prefers to respond to a partner taking the lead rather than take it themselves – to be sexually open, receptive, and welcoming. Taurus women seem to get pregnant more easily than any other sign type.

Leos often are like playful romping kittens, lusty, forthright, and frisky in sex. As mentioned, Leo Sun’s ideal partner is someone to whom they can surrender completely, trusting everything to them – and who will keep their attention focused first, foremost, and preferably adoringly on the Leo.

Virgo is inordinately curious about everything: This has the advantage of their seeming and being deeply interested in a potential partner. They usually are more memorable for being highly skilled than as being physically unrestrainable. Both lunar and solar Virgos may use sex to make friends. Like all Spoke Moons, Virgo Moons often are hypersexual.

Foremost among citable Libra traits in romance or relationship, they are instinctively seductive in the “get them wanting more” sense and a bit narcissistic. (Compliments are an important part of their foreplay.) They notably swing between Venus and Saturn poles of gratifying and denying – especially regarding themselves, but also others.

Pisces has its own polarity: Eros and morality are intimately tethered, the “two fishes” of the Piscian soul enmeshed by temptation. Exploring and sating their senses comes naturally, yet often curbing morality or shame constrain them (depending on their personal history). Pisces swings between passionately embracing or fleeing one extreme or the other, whether prohibition or an aversion to prohibition.

Scorpio’s strong physical drives are volcanic, a word applying to both solar and lunar Scorpios sexually and in other ways. While turbulent passions may stir frequent relationship drama, their strong, heated sexual needs are uncomplicated: Pressure builds and then requires explosive release. This is so biologically important to them that their health often starts to erode if these needs are not met.

Capricorn, the other Mars constellation, is similarly libidinous in a wild, steamy, animal way reasonably compared to the debauch of satyrs and nymphs. Their relationship patterns often are more tentative and cautious than their fornication.

Aquarius has no specific sexual symbolism in its ruler or archetype. However, freedom-loving Aquarian writers and artists often use sex as a topic, since sex has been long restricted, throttled, and censored. Aquarians push social boundaries on sex intellectually, creatively, and behaviorally. Aquarius Moons are free ranging, living indifferent to convention, sexually curious, experimental, open, and approachable, advocates for sexual liberty and occasionally labelled sexually notorious.

[Jim Eshelman]

Venus’ sign usually points to objects, actions, or body parts linked to unusually strong arousal or pleasure. Nothing in the sign placement (and perhaps nothing in the chart) suggests how strong these links are for a particular person, so they may vary from simple tastes or attractions to obsession. The stronger draws are rightly called fetishes, while the weaker ones are better thought of as preferences.

We have observed two main forms of this:

• Most commonly, some object, action, or experience clearly symbolized by or reminiscent of the constellation triggers arousal or gives unusual pleasure.
• Each sign corresponds to certain body parts (described fully in a later chapter on health and illness). That body part may ignite strong arousal.

If the fixation involves a body part, one might suspect this means unusual pleasure from that part of one’s own body; for example, Venus in Sagittarius meaning unusual pleasure from caressing of one’s arms and shoulders. In practice, this is not what we observed. Arousal triggers observed or reported have generally been outside of oneself, e.g., for Venus in Sagittarius the sight of someone else’s shoulders or arms.

We discovered this fun detail during the late 1970s when I occasionally led an astrology-themed singles mixer workshop with Los Angeles Siderealist (and my mate at the time) Anna-Kria King. The purpose of these light-hearted mixers was, of course, to create an opportunity for single men and women to meet and get to know each other a bit, then decide whether they were going home alone or together that night. We wanted any astrology we introduced to be Sidereal without getting into too deep a discussion about it, so we decided to ignore Sun signs. Since people probably would not know their birth times, we ruled out Moon signs – we had to be able to open an ephemeris (book of planet longitudes) to someone’s birth date and immediately see the planet position we needed.

Therefore, we decided to group people by their Venus signs – and not tell them until the end that this is what we had done. As participants arrived, we created a nametag with their first name and the astrological glyph of their Venus sign. As the main feature of the mixer, we divided them into small groups by Venus sign with these instructions:

1. Focus on each of your senses in turn, allowing memories to arise of things that have caused you pleasure through that sense. Share those brief memories with the group.
2. Use the remaining time to share more generally about what brings you pleasure, looking for similarities to or strong differences from other members of the group.

We then called them all back together to share with the whole room what they had discovered in their small groups. We learned immediately in these fun (and often funny) evenings that we were on to something: What they shared invariably linked to the Venus sign they had in common.

For example, there were always too few people with Venus in Gemini and Virgo to form separate groups (which is interesting by itself) so we put those two Venus signs together. One night, the Venus in Gemini or Virgo people were excited because they had all remembered the pleasurable smell of a specific textbook from elementary school. (How Mercury of them!) Another night, the Gemini and Virgo Venuses were slow to wrap up their discussion and rejoin the rest because they spent most of their time discussing a strategy to catalogue, itemize, and cross compare their results. (I kid you not! They wrote out a pre-computer spreadsheet of their pleasures on paper.)

One evening, when only women were in the Venus in Libra group, they reported that they all loved makeup and perfume, and few things made them all happier than the chance to get “dolled up.” One evening’s Venus in Scorpio group said that they all enjoyed fast motion, thrills, things to get their blood pumping like very fast rides at a fair or driving fast. Anna-Kria and I said we were a little puzzled because we thought that group surely would mention sex as something that gave them pleasure. They all burst into laughter, eventually saying, well, yes, of course, but they thought that we wanted them to focus on other things. (They were right, of course.)

The link to other people’s body parts were even more interesting if less common because, when they arose, they were quite precise. One example was the Venus in Sagittarius men that said they loved seeing a woman’s shoulders and upper arms. (One man admitted that sight could make him blush and catch his breath.) One group of Venus in Aries women shared that, of all the things they each liked about men, they all agreed that a sexy rump was the hottest. For Leo Moons it was often the curve of someone’s back or leg. I shared my own pet image as an innocent adolescent: With Venus in Scorpio (corresponding to the neck and throat), as a young man I thought the sexiest thing I had seen or could imagine was a woman in a narrow choker collar.

By now, you surely have thought about your own chart and drawn conclusions on how well this fits you. In any case, it provided a fun ice breaker that let people explore things that cause them pleasure and whether they wanted to pair off and explore pleasure together later that night – or go their separate ways.

[Jim Eshelman]

Separate from the question of sex is that of partnership, especially the partnership of marriage or marriage-like relationships. The nature of this area of life has changed dramatically over centuries: Aside from 21st century shifts, including normalization of same-sex marriages in the U.S. and a growing tendency for people to cohabit without marriage more frequently, the modern Western idea of marriage (as a love-based bond that people select for themselves) is barely a century old.

Motives for marriage are diverse. Marriage, as a social institution, has always been based on economic considerations. During some periods, this was nearly the exclusive consideration. Modern marriage usually centers on a love and romance aspect. Marriage with monogamous sexual fidelity by a woman (monandry) has long been the context for bearing and raising children where assurance of parentage has been important, e.g., for inheritance purposes. Other considerations include deep friendship, intellectual companionship, and other kinds of life-partnership in addition to sex, economics, social standing, and having children. Usually, many motives prevail at once.

Therefore, while companionship and sexual desires arise from nature, marriage as an institution is primarily a civil legal consideration: It is a contract, sometimes customized to the couple and (in modern times) usually adopting the default contract encoded in civil law (perhaps customized by prenuptial agreements). Therefore, it should be no surprise that astrology’s zodiacal symbol of marriage has long been a sign connected not only with romance and partnership but especially to law: the constellation Libra.

Planets & Marriage
Venus is the planet of marriage. Routinely, the desire for and outcome of married life is shown by Venus’ strength, constellation, and (especially) aspects.

We can rank Moon nearly Venus’ equal in this. We already have seen that Moon’s cosmic state describes intimacy, which most people consider a significant part of marriage. For the interaction of two people’s charts (synastry), Moon aspects are the most important, easily outpacing Venus aspects. Moon, of course, is the strongest astrological signal of sexual appetites and desires and (as we will see in the next chapter) is strongly connected to bearing and caring for children. Through Moon, we anchor emotional security.

Yet Venus is the strongest natal factor showing the strength, nature, and prospects for marriage itself (including informal long-term marriage-like relationships). All the key interpretations regarding Venus’ angularity, sign placement, and aspects addressing these things are provided in Appendix A.

However, we cannot consult one planet out of context of the entire horoscope, even when that planet so obviously connects to the specific inquiry. First, you must understand a person’s overall character, the topic of nearly all this book to this point. Venus’ needs and desires exist within the context of the whole person.

In addition to Moon, we need to consider Sun, which is so central to a person’s identity. In addition to Venus, we need to consider Mars, which not only feeds the sexual frenzy but also describes areas of conflict, especially conflicts where individual ego, control, and dominance needs are adverse to partnership. As sentimentally simplistic as it may seem, Mars in us needs to fight and win, while Venus in us needs to connect and love.

Jupiter and Saturn address economic and social status matters, plus such feelings as happiness and blessing vs. cost and sacrifice. In astrological forecasting, we will show that Jupiter is the foremost planet signaling marriages, incorporating not only themes of religious ceremony and sanctification, receiving gifts, and general celebration, but also the stage of a couple’s inclusion in their community in a different way, with a different standing.

Uranus and Neptune have important roles in the ecology of marriage. First, Neptune provides nearly as strong a motive for marriage as Venus. Uranus requires freedom (independence), which, if it cannot be freedom in partnership, will become freedom from partnership. Neptune, on the other hand, signifies merger needs, our needs to be absorbed, immersed, enchanted, spellbound, and deeply entangled. Neptune, therefore, is often romantic and commonly draws security from being roped to another like the two fish of Pisces.

Each planet has its own distinctive relationship pattern or profile as described in the Angularity interpretations. Understanding these is part of the initial assessment of the horoscope as a whole.

[Jim Eshelman]

Similarly, each sign has its own distinctive relationship profile, or typical behaviors. These also are summarized in the Interpretations appendix.

Libra, if occupied, has unusual importance for marriage and deserves special comment. We can say unequivocally that Libra is the most marrying Sun sign – or, at least, it was the most marrying half a century ago and remains the constellation most visibly fond of the idea of marriage today. Moon in Libra is also pro-marriage, though not so strongly as Sun: A Libra Moon more easily swerves toward independence and self-sufficiency much like the Moon-Saturn combination from which it draws much of its nature.

In “Why Won’t Some Men Marry?” (Horoscope Magazine, June 1954), Garth Allen reported on a study of about a thousand men who never married. In the era of the study, adult men in the U.S. married almost universally unless barred by, say, a religious vocation.

From the 1940-41 edition of Who’s Who in America, Allen extracted every man listed for whom day, month, and year of birth were given along with an indication that the eminent professional had never married. From these, he excluded about 600 examples of eminent clergymen (at least 500 of which were confirmed to have taken vows of celibacy, and all of which were suspected of having other “antimatrimonial” impact from their profession). This left 1,011 examples of eminent American bachelors at least 35 years old (most of them over 60 years old) who had never married. The Who’s Who volume as a whole was used as a statistical control group to filter out any distorting impact of planet distribution, annual birth curve considerations, the well-known birth month bias for eminent people, and any other biases innate to their having been selected for inclusion in Who’s Who in the first place.

The only thing distinguishing these 1,011 men from the control group is that they had never married.

Above [diagram not shown], their Sun sign distribution is marked off in standard deviations. The only sign exceeding two standard deviations (usually held as a statistically significant threshold) is Libra: The data show Libra to be the least likely Sun sign not to marry, i.e., the marryingest sign of the zodiac.

Other planets in Libra have significant impact on the marriage state besides the luminaries (for which full relationship pattern descriptions are provided in the standard interpretations).

Venus in Libra strongly desires marriage or romantic partnership. It gives them the sense that their world is right. If they marry, their marriage becomes a centerpiece of their social identity. If they do not: it leaves a wound or sense of incompletion that is hard for them to heal. In marriage, this placement is unusually monogamous, requiring and giving marital fidelity and faithfulness.

With Mars in Libra, the main consideration is that Libra and Mars want different things. These conflicting things need to find a way to coexist. Mars in Libra usually wants marriage and is not interested in “losing themselves” in the merger: They pointedly retain strong ego-distinction. (Other married people may also retain strong individuality, but Mars in Libra feels they need to make a point of it.)

Marital conflicts seem more common with Mars in Libra than for other Mars placements. Women with this placement often report severe conflict, betrayal, and sometimes violence (which they rarely tolerate for long). Mars in Libra men either experience this less or simply do not talk about it much.

[Jim Eshelman]

As for all specialized topics, every strong factor in the chart affects this important area of life. Observations about relationship and partnership exist throughout the standard aspect interpretations. Additionally, you now have experience in seeing how dominant character traits spread into all life areas, such that even aspects that do not seem to address partnership directly still have something to say on the topic. As usual, the closest, strongest aspects have much to say.

Garth Allen’s 1954 study also examined the frequency of natal aspects (excluding Moon aspects, since the 1,011 examples had no birth times). Three pairs of aspects were statistically significant, being either unusually common or uncommon for eminent men of the 1940s who never married.

Sun-Uranus aspects were common and Sun-Neptune aspects uncommon for men who never married. This dichotomy is unsurprising. Sun-Uranus demands independence, to unapologetically go their own way enjoying the freedom of having nobody to whom they have to answer but themselves. In contrast, Sun-Neptune people, innately more tender and vulnerable, want to lose themselves in something or someone and (barring contrary strong chart features) feel most comfortable when enmeshed with another person.

With Mars, the Uranus-Neptune pair operates in the opposite way. Mars-Uranus was found statistically much more likely to marry and Mars-Neptune men among the least likely. Why this is so is less obvious until you look closely at the lives of people with these aspects. For example, Mars-Uranus is at least as freedom-loving and uncompromisingly individual as Sun-Uranus. Besides being practical realists that usually learn to handle adult life effectively, the main difference from Sun-Uranus seems to be their uninhibited sexuality and sexual adventuring. Especially in decades before effective birth control and with stronger social disapproval of childbearing outside of wedlock (and given their general sexual attractiveness), Mars-Uranus men were far more likely to end up standing before an altar.

In contrast, Mars-Neptune behaviors tend to be judged as immaturity of the “never grow up” kind. Mars-Neptune men also seem to be always on some sort of mission and irremovably fixated on their special interest or issue. While Mars-Neptune has many attractive features, most of them are not commonly judged as making “good husband material.”

Finally, men with Mercury-Saturn aspects were found to be significantly more likely to marry, while those with Mercury-Jupiter aspects were unlikely. Primarily, this seems to relate to a difference in their optimism vs. practicality. Mercury-Saturn is mildly pessimistic and highly practical, treating life as “a serious thing” and liking conditions to be ordered and settled. Marriage fits this type of mind better than relationships that have not been permanently secured. On the other hand, Mercury-Jupiter people have the optimism of an unusually lucky gambler and, on most things, tend to hold off final decisions while waiting for a better offer.

These research results are practical astrological pointers for this one topic and terribly interesting in a more general way: They provide excellent examples of how one aspect (one set of psychological patterns) generalizes through the personality affecting all categories of decisions and actions.

Other aspects work much as you would expect:

• Sun and Moon aspects show planetary character types (each of which has its own distinctive relationship patterns).
• Saturn and Pluto aspects show distancing.
• Mars, Saturn, Uranus, and Pluto need independence and greater self-governance.
• Jupiter and Venus aspects enhance social integration, including alignment with social conventions.
• Uranus and Pluto mark greater willingness to live outside of social conventions.
• Foremost, Venus aspects show relationship behaviors and marriage interests and prospects overall.

[Jim Eshelman]

Of all the Specialized Inquiry topics discussed in this series of chapters, marriage is perhaps the one where temptations loom most strongly to consider houses. It is difficult to discuss marriage and the horoscope without getting pulled to mention the 7th House.

However, I am not persuaded that either the 7th House itself nor the sign on Descendant describes one’s mates, the type of marriage one wants or attains, or any other significant characteristic of one’s marriages. This assertion will surprise and perhaps disturb astrologers who are strongly house-reliant.

Of course, any planet conjunct Descendant or Westpoint will be highly expressed by its angularity and, therefore, will strongly color every important life area. Also, a planet in the middleground two-thirds of the 7th House may express through relationship dynamics particularly if it has strong hard aspects (especially the more event-prone mundane aspects) connecting other angular houses, with which it has strong intertwining themes.

As mentioned in the Houses chapter, the usual self-other polarity of 1st and 7th seems correct but not in the ways historically explained. Planets in both 1st and 7th describe one’s own expressed energies. (This is necessarily true: Other people, such as a mate or business partner, are not objectively described by one’s own horoscope.) The main distinction between 1st and 7th Houses appears to be that, where 1H planets surge outward expressively into the world (our concern being only for expression of our image of ourselves), 7H planets represent expressions we want others to affirm about us: We are expressing the planet’s energies more for an audience. Our psyches require affirmation of those traits by other. (For example, people with Saturn setting often need other people to openly acknowledge how hard they work.)

Perhaps the easiest way to see how little 7H has to do with marriage is to select, from the Example Chart Catalogue, people whose marriages have been a significant part of their life (or the story of their life that has come down to us). On average, five people out of every six have at least one planet in the 7th. However, a 7H planet almost never correctly summarizes the history of someone’s marriages.

In comparison, Venus’ cosmic state nearly always shows this correctly, though.

In the Example Chart Catalogue, we find dozens of people with a 7th House stellium, yet rarely is their marriage a dominant part of why we know about them. Examining the more than seven dozen people with a 7H Sun, we find strong public figures with ample hunger for power portraying their solar nature vividly before others and requiring it be acknowledged. This hunger for feedback and acknowledgement, an obvious trait for most of them, probably explain the significant storytellers on the list. The hundred-plus people in the catalogue with Moon in 7H play well to an audience, enjoy popularity, rally the public to pay attention to them, and, like Sun in 7th, generally thrive on recognition and feedback.

This theme of needing to be seen and affirmed by others, to feel one’s world is most right when others recognize certain characteristics in us, reasonably affects close relationships. It would be a mistake, though to confuse this with describing the nature and experience of marriage specifically.

Planets on Ascendant or Eastpoint tend to describe one’s marriage much better – particularly, how one behaves in close relationship or what one takes into a marriage – than planets on Descendant.

Contrary to what most astrology books say, the sign on Descendant does not describe the experience of marriage, one’s partners, or anything obvious about the marriage condition. To give personal examples for which I have detailed knowledge, I have Pisces on Descendant with no planets in 7H. (Moon is conjunct Descendant.) I have not had a single Piscean partner, though my first wife had a Sun-Neptune conjunction (one of many strong factors in her chart). Nor do traditional Neptune or Pisces relationship descriptions fit either of my two marriages or the third, decades-long relationship. (By the way, my setting sign is Pisces in both the Sidereal and Tropical zodiacs, so failure to describe my partners is not a zodiac issue.)

My two wives (who have Ascendants exactly opposite each other) have Taurus and Scorpio setting, respectively, with neither sign describing details of the marriages any more than they would describe most happy marriages. (None of us has a planet in House 7.)

All this matches what I have observed with friends, clients, and public figures.

[Jim Eshelman]

I have just replaced the original posts from April 2021 with a new series of posts (crossing out but leaving the ones at the top, and adding the new series here at the bottom). This is a more complete and mature development, extracted from I wrote for a chapter in CSA Vol I. It represents my current best statement on the matter, and the platform I think we should work from for the next stage of developing these ideas.

[Jim Eshelman]

Within the larger context of the entire horoscope, these points most strongly speak to questions regarding sexuality:

1. Moon, Mars, and Venus cosmic states primarily describe the sexual nature.
2. Passion and strong desire arise from strength of Moon, Mars, and (to a lesser extent) Venus; Venus aspecting Mars; or Moon aspecting Sun.
3. Moon is foremost, the factor most descriptive of sexual nature, instincts, intensity, and tastes. Moon’s constellation is the best descriptor of sexual tastes and preferences.
4. Angular Moon: strong sexual appetites, responds to flirtation and suggestion, lit up by interest and affection (modified by aspects).
5. Mars is ferociously sexual, rough, wants enthusiasm and ferocity in a partner. Requires frequent arousal and discharge if angular, strongly aspecting a luminary, or with either light in Scorpio or Capricorn.
6. Mars’ strength by angularity or strong luminary aspect matters most (sexual aggression, dominance, penetration, heating up, physical expenditure). Aspects describe how these energies flourish or flounder.
7. Venus needs affection, connection, play, pleasure, enjoyment, and giving-receiving love and tenderness. Moved by kindness, shies away from pain.
8. Venus strong: Flirtatious, affectionate, sexually receptive. Aspects describe “love life” (each has a distinctive profile).
9. Venus’ constellation describes preferences and fetishes (objects, actions, experiences, or body parts linked to unusually strong arousal or pleasure).
10. Sun’s constellation shows sexual themes, tastes, and preferences, though not as vividly as Moon.
11. Jupiter and Sun are the planets most abstracted or “above it all” removed from the instincts.