Veronica

[Veronica]

An extinction burst.....
That sure sounds right.

Thank you for your kind reminder about this, I know you have given me this advice before. We (me and my father) have been working on this, and actually have made great strides in communication recently.
Obviously or I wouldn't be going over there at all.

He is pretty much blind and deaf and immobile and going out of his mind with bordem, so I encourage him to tell me good stories about his life. He has had an amazing life and gotten into all sorts of weird situations that he animatedly retells.

I love him so much but it feels like there is a line of contempt and hatred laying right under the surface that is just killing him, and not just him but so many many people.

What I really feel is happening though is boredom. He can't go and help me work and feels he has nothing to do that he enjoys doing and that gives him joy. His body barely producing any good feeling hormones, and talking about controversial topics gets adrenaline pumping and makes him feel vital. Drama and gossip is also a human tactic to avoid personal issues, it's the looking out at the world and getting distracted from what you do have the power to control in your life. Bitchin about politics and sports and all that is just a distraction and diversion from personal responsibilities. I know I human and have my own crutches and distractions for personal behaviors that I should refine but play games with myself about.

I have been a very good interactive listener while dad tells his stories, asking questions, giving feed back and sound effects and other things that show my interest and enthusiasm for his experiences. He responds happily and it does seem to bring out a vitality and life force.

But yea, the walking away works. It is just so hard sometimes when it comes out of no where after so long with out a burst. Caught me off guard.

[SteveS]

Jim wrote:

It's still hard for most people to put 1969 in perspective

Indeed! I am still running into life's synchronicity from the mental pictures/messages I beheld while experiencing psychedelics in 1969. After recently reading/studying Terence McKenna's material, I am beginning to see/believe things that may have to do more with universal reality that I use to believe were hallucinations in 1969. I wish Terence had studied Sidereal Astrology and given one of his Mercury-Mars famous discourses about Sidereal Astrology--would have been very interesting from a most interesting mind about TIME/COSMOS.

[Veronica]

I found out yesterday the my oldest Brother M is dying of cancer as well my oldest sister, and my sister in law ( who is my age and is married to BrotherB).

My oldest brother May 3rd 1955 Rochester NY
Aries Sun, Virgo moon

He didn't have any trouble putting 1969 in perspective. He saw the images from NASA of the EarthRise, of the big blue marble and he embraced what he saw.

When I was very little he would take me and my little brother hiking into the wildest woods, and turn over stones and logs and show me all the wonders of the earth. We loved rolly lollies, and centipedes and beetles and all the decomposers the most, because with out them cleaning up and eating up and doing their part, the wolves and other flashy creatures couldn't be.

He was born with a beautiful Jupiter Uranus conjunction that I feel gifted him with shocking resilience against being bullied for growing flowers and tending plants and being kind to bees and worms. He was the first EarthFirst fighter in his own way and has walked In Love with Gaia his whole life.

I have been doing some work studying early life, bacteria mostly and how single cell organisms came to have a nucleus. In looking at cells and the components in cells and what constitutes life it appears as if the mitochondria in our cells were once autonomous self sufficient bacteria, a creature that was able to produce it's own energy without consuming/eating\absorbing another (most life we know are consumers of something in order to get energy, but not all life forms need to do this).

It's a fascinating story of how our complex diverse world came to be because of a relationship formed between two seemingly at odds bacteria, one who produced a gas as a waste product, and one who loved consuming that waste product. Loved it so much in fact that the bacteria slowly enveloped the other bacteria inside of itself so it could become a constant energy source.
It's the most romantic story I have ever heard.
I could humanize it and say
Once upon a time there was a girl who farted and a boy who loved her smelly farts so much that he built her a house inside of his heart where she could do her thing and fart away and nothing in the world could harm her because she was safe deep inside him.

Stephen Spielberg was brilliant when he attempted to bring to the common man's mind the idea of Mitochondria and how it is in everything. He called it in his first Star Wars movie. " the Force" and in later movies explained that the force was measurable in matter called Middicloriorians and that the more Middicloriorians in something, the stronger the force is in that.

Mitochondria DNA is unique dna, it is not human dna. It is ancient and is shared in all life. The tree outside has mitochondria with the same dna as I have. I believe though that levels of mitochondria fluctuate widely in lifeforms, some having the bare minimum and others having boatloads.

After looking into cells and all the components inside them, and noting how similar a cell appears in way to our solar system and the heavenly bodies I tried searching for astrological correspondence.
I'm not having much luck finding anything of note but from what my gut is telling me, the Mitochondria may represent Jupiter, and that people with well placed Jupiter may have more mitochondria then others.

It's very challenging for me to find the words to explain but what I have learned is that those pictures from space of our little planet, all alone in the cold space had a blessed event happen here that hasn't happened before or anytime since or any where around us, in that two single cell bacteria were able to form a symbiotic relationship and work together and become something new a different and greater then they ever could be alone.
If two cells who can't talk can get along and grow and create, and against all odds and failure after failure after failure (nature shows dont clue us in that life fails a million times before it succeeds once....watch a lion really hunt and see how often he goes hungry)......

Life is so fragile and perilous and we all need to give ourselves some slack and be kind and gentle and soft with each other, because life isn't every where, it isn't abundant. It isn't to be taken for granted and spoiled and rushed.

[SteveS]

May the force of Gaia be with you and your brother. That picture of Mother Earth from one of our space crafts was made possible for the public by an individual when he took his first trip on LSD. I will try to find a link of the story how it happened. Its becoming more and more obvious to me the true Spirit of our Planet Earth (all planets have their own spirits) is the Goddess Mother Principle.

[Veronica]

It's really been eating at me that Steve he thought my soul closest to Mother Nature.

It made me think how culture has these archetypes of females, maiden, mother, wife, whore, and the one it tries to vilify Crone. Culture also has this contradiction that a sexual mature women ( not a maiden nor a crone) is Either a Mother or a Whore Archtype.

Culture doesnt have strong female archetypes that are of a Holistic Woman who is both the archtype of Mother and Whore, an integrated and whole person. So in our day an age a sexual Nature woman gets cast into one of two roles. Neither a complete and whole representation of who she really is.

I dont look like the Mother role.
I'm not June Cleaver. I'm skinny not fat and plump like a Mother Goddes. I look for all appearances like the opposite Stereotype " the whore". When men see me in real life they dont think...I bet she makes a mean casserole and can sew....they think much other kinda thoughts.

Motherhood and taking care of babies was the scariest thing. I had no idea what I was doing, I had no idea what they required. I am completely winging it as I go and just trying my hardest and not giving up.

But I'm tired.

I can't be like the soul of Morher Nature.

I sincerely hope that my life and my existence is not a mirror of the condition of planet Earth and how it has been used up and polluted and wasted. That's not a very happy outlook for my progressions if so.

I wish I was more Motherly, and I am grateful that I have been able to study astrology with Jupiter Sets at Dawn because in my eyes she is the cat's meow and if anyone here should be compared to the soul of the feminine principle it is her.
She can hold space for anyone, regardless of their birth chart, she is dignity personified. She has looked at the charts of the planets greatest villains, and gave them the benefit of the doubt and seeks to understand not judge.

Its unfortunate that our culture also teaches us that once a woman has passed sexual maturity she is devalued, when in fact her value to culture is priceless.

[Veronica]

May the Force be With you too Steve;)

[SteveS]

V wrote:

Its unfortunate that our culture also teaches us that once a woman has passed sexual maturity she is devalued, when in fact her value to culture is priceless.

Indeed!!!

[SteveS]

Veronica, a picture of the Earth Rising on the Moon’s Horizon. A picture is worth a thousand words, eh?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUvE5bBYShY

In 1966, while on an LSD trip on the roof of his house in North Beach, San Francisco, Brand became convinced that seeing an image of the whole Earth would change how we think about the planet and ourselves.[8][9] He then campaigned to have NASA release the then-rumored satellite image of the entire Earth as seen from space. He sold and distributed buttons for 25 cents each[10] asking, "Why haven't we seen a photograph of the whole Earth yet?".[11] During this campaign, Brand met Richard Buckminster Fuller, who offered to help Brand with his projects.[12] In 1967, a satellite, ATS-3, took the photo. Brand thought the image of our planet would be a powerful symbol. It adorned the first (Fall 1968) edition of the Whole Earth Catalog.[13] Later in 1968, NASA astronaut Bill Anders took an Earth photo,[11] Earthrise, from Moon orbit, which became the front image of the spring 1969 edition of the Catalog. 1970 saw the first celebration of Earth Day.[10] During a 2003 interview, Brand explained that the image "gave the sense that Earth's an island, surrounded by a lot of inhospitable space. And it's so graphic, this little blue, white, green and brown jewel-like icon amongst a quite featureless black vacuum."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stewart_Brand

[Veronica]

I had that book.
I read it back and forth.
I used it when I finally had my own space.
It was such a big book it never fit on my shelves.
Eric {nassed} all over it one drunken night.

Thank you for the bio. What a truly wonderful human being and what an interesting and incredible life.

It's a strange paradox in a way that right now there are two different generations alive on Earth.

My generation grew up always knowing what Earth looked like. That image is a fact and cornerstone of my belief set. I have never wondered what home looks like, I can check live images right now.

But everybody born before then grew up not being able to see and get a real sence of the bigger picture. I can't imagine my reaction.

I cried watching the video and I sobbed like a fool again as I always do when I hear the broadcast from space.

A favorite abbreviated quote of mine from Island by Aldous Huxley

It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days…Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me…to throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling…”

– Aldous Huxley, Island

[SteveS]

You are very good following that good advice, you are the best I've seen at throwing away the dirty baggage and moving on...

[Veronica]

I appreciate you saying that. You have no idea how hard it is for me to let go.
Because my most beloved brother Michael Raymond taught me, showed me....that there is no "away".

Every
Single
Thing

It's still here, on this island in Space.
We just shuffle stuff around and give it a new zip code.

He died yesterday afternoon.
My sisters and I have been trying to reach him for a week. I wanted to thank him again for being a joy in my life. We had such a love and such good times. We only had good times, him and me.
He used to bring me as a child to this very place where I live now and spend hours walking and talking with me. I wandered the trails for hours yesterday trying to reach him before I got the call. I knew. We knew even though he lied to us and told us he wasn't very sick.

My father called him a long haired dirty footed weirdo.

Dirt is the most sacred powerful substance on earth. It is the literal cells of dead lifeforms. Of people and fungi and plants and bugs.

My brother had what I will call a soul sickness. He was born to be gentle and kind and soft and understanding, but he was born a man and had to wrap himself in a lie and pretend to be something he wasn't. He married a woman late in life who had 6 kids and he was an amazing parent to them.
He raised his stepgrandson as his own son when his stepdaughter gave the baby up, alone...single and divorced man raising a child he had no blood ties too.

There is no away and there is no dirty baggage. I'm sick of living in a culture that believes that there is some magic place where things go. This planet is the magic place because of the life it has.

[SteveS]

I hear you V.

[Veronica]

I hear you V.

I know you do Steve.

My screams and sobs are everywhere. In every cell, everywhere. Screaming no no no no no no.

I am Heavy With Grief

5 degrees Aquarius Sun square 7 degrees Scorpio Moon/Neptune/Jupiter

Singing to his confused soul
Cleansing his body from head to toe
Blessing his goodness
Anointing
Singing
Wrapping.......

Heavy with grief that that which was once
Is no more

[Veronica]

We have moved my sister into hospice care at her daughters house.

She's never recovered from loosing her son.

I am grateful that I can spend time with her and try to make things less painful now.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

I used to work hospice after my mother died. The best thing I could do was be very matter of fact and keep things normal. And give choices. Even little ones. Do you like grape juice or would you rather have orange juice. The same stuff I did for stroke patients. Being able to make even small choices is an amazing tool against depression stemming from having to do stuff other people say you have to do. Or cancer says you have to do.

A big choice is how much pain killer she wants or doesn't want. If she wants enough to make her sleep most of the time, that's fine. If she would rather suffer some pain but still be in the world, that's her choice. Don't let anyone take away her choice on that. Hospice is usually good about that.

The biggest choice, and the greatest gift, is don't argue when she says it's time, and who she wants with her. Hospice people will help her. Support her choice. It's not anyone else's. You may need to help run interference with people who don't respect her making a choice. Take them grocery shopping. We sent my father flying in a friend's new plane. Eventually, that's the plane from which we scattered my mother's ashes, and later my father's.

[Veronica]

Thank you

Those words have a very deep meaning and pertain to living as well as dying.

Thank you

[Jim Eshelman]

JSAD: Exactly.

Veronica: Jupiter will turn stationary June 20 at 7°09' Aquarius. Therefore, nearly all month Jupiter is square your Moon, more widely touching a few other planets, lined up to cross your Sun a few weeks later - there are special blessings for you in the next couple of months.

This month, you have a progressed Moon-Uranus conjunction (well within orb now and coming to exact in a few days). Two months later, you get another (plus Moon opposite Eris, for whatever that means). This, then, is also a time of surprises and eye-opening wonder.

Solar Arc Venus is 0°05' from precise square to your Jupiter. This is a period dominated by love and (again) blessing.

[Veronica]

That's good to know. Thank you.

The feelings I have are stronger and much different then before.

I am in physical proximity of a lot of my relations and family friends now as our circle gathers to celebrate the lives and times of our kinfolk who are crossing over.
Something that has been estranged, difficult and unpleasant more times then not in the recent past.

It's as if our family used to be super tight and celebrate everything together and it was fun and happy, and then it grew. Grew big and it got harder to all gether together for events, and differences in lifestyles and choices made the few times together not so nice.
So we stopped being one and split off into niche families of cousins.
Like fingers on a hand.

And we all missed it. And loved each other. But just had different needs.

And since now that we are all together again, and knowing how much we missed and love each other, the challenges of the past have turned into new opportunities for our relationships to grow.

I think what I am hearing and grok though is to drink deep and stay hydrated

[Veronica]

Yea, that didn't go as planned.

The Sun is Opposite my Mars and Mercury squares my Pluto.

I'm such a freaking dreamer.

So I pulled a root chakra issue in my back this morning, and then had my finger sliced open.

I remembered when I ran away as a kid and would have rather slept on the street.

I couldn't admit it before, but I really think that somehow someway my entire family collectively thinks we are just biological trash, shit, garbage human beings.
I think I can hear it in almost every word when they talk about Mom and Dad and their kids.

And they can't wait to be done with it and get on with their own thing and forget about it.

So weird how human interrelationships mirror the cellular activity in our body.

I am so looking forward to the next journey in my life.
It's so weird right now.
I literally have nothing that you would count towards happiness.
I have no friends, no husband/lover, no job, no real money, barely any possessions. No car....
My family is dying....I'm 50,

Yet in a snap, my mind instead of spiralling that down into some depression is lifted and lighter and I feel more authentic and whole and peaceful.
And you think looking at those astrology things I got going on and with my sadness about my sister leaving that there must something external like a lottery ticket winning that is giving me this heart lightedness.
But theres not.

My body was screaming at me this morning to not work.
And I didn't listen and I hurt my back
But I stopped when blood was drawn because it's not the work I should be doing.
So I left and went and picked up my daughter and we went home.

Edit: later today I thought to draw the chart for when it happen. Approx 11:35 am.
My sister Marcy had called me this morning to say that she was here in town early. I was so thankful because my heart had been wishing she was here the day before.
I got to my dads where she was and was shocked when she told me she had come in to town almost two days before.....and then said she needed my help to continue tossing out the stuff on the property.
And it hurt and when I tried to lift the first board to keep cleaning up other people's messes....I felt a flutter and spark in my back and it just locked. And I said to myself. I Dont Need This, I have my own stuff to clean up.
Weirdly wonderful smiles that my girl reached out to me at the same time. She texted me at 11:36 to please come pick her up.

[SteveS]

Veronica, Tom Petty (RIP) and I dedicate this song to you and all the other women on this Planet who have experienced what you were experiencing the moment you posted your above post.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2h9HPZhqHE

[Veronica]

Veronica, Tom Petty (RIP) and I dedicate this song to you and all the other women on this Planet who have experienced what you were experiencing the moment you posted your above post.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2h9HPZhqHE

I knew what song you were sending before I even clicked it Steve. Thank you for that connection. It is a wonder and a gift and a blessing.

I am honoring my back and not doing anymore work for people unless they ask me themselves, and I will put on a wonderful smile and blast this song for the whole park to hear and dance in the rain with my worm friends.

I know my chart inclined one to think I'm stuck up and full of myself and think I'm all that and a bag o chips......and that runs people wrong that I seem shallow and unrealistic and disconnected with all the ugly things going on in the world.....

But I have this contradiction in myself that swings me back and forth between grief and grace, which I feel are polar sides of the same.

With my Angular Neptune I absorb.....oh my my my do I....am I just can't absorb the ugly mean scared angry feelings in the world. It's not good for me. It's like a poison in my soul.

So I will think happy thoughts and I wont back down from knowing what is best for me to do for myself and my offspring.

Thank you
From my heart to yours
https://youtu.be/12KbOAc8vmk

[Jim Eshelman]

But I have this contradiction in myself that swings me back and forth between grief and grace, which I feel are polar sides of the same.

Yes, The eventual key experience in each is unconditional acceptance. One accepts it easily, one resists it.

[Veronica]

But I have this contradiction in myself that swings me back and forth between grief and grace, which I feel are polar sides of the same.

Yes, The eventual key experience in each is unconditional acceptance. One accepts it easily, one resists it.

What a shock.
Here we are.
My sister will be passing soon, as her body shuts down. She wanted to pass on the same day as her son, June 13th.

Jim I dont understand, you said my progressed moon to Uranus is coming exact. (Completely feeling that in every cell right now). But you said it will happen again in a few months? I'm assuming Uranus goes retrograde?

It is nice to see the outpouring of love towards her from family and friends and the community. She touched many many hearts and was loved deeply.

I dont know about running a distraction for someone.
I think it's me who needs it.

I'm just not able to hold it together anymore.
It's hard to explain but last night and this morning I had these experiences where it felt as if she was looking out my eyes and that when I licked my lips and tasted my mouth.....it was like her life force in me was ....I dont know...experiencing it.
She had told me before that she wasn't going to be cheap with letting me know her spirit is watching, that she would leave me quarters, whilst her son Rudy leaves dimes. I asked her why not leave silver dollars, but she said there wernt enough of them just laying around.
And sure enough yesterday I found quarters in the most unlikely places.

[Jim Eshelman]

Jim I dont understand, you said my progressed moon to Uranus is coming exact. (Completely feeling that in every cell right now). But you said it will happen again in a few months? I'm assuming Uranus goes retrograde?

One aspect is to natal Uranus and the other to progressed Uranus. I'll give details when I can get back to Solar Fire shortly.

I'm just not able to hold it together anymore.

Making a note to myself to see what the chart factors are that is pushing on this right now. (The circumstances in your life pushing it are obvious.) I do know that you've proven yourself incredibly enduring and able to hold it together anytime at all that you need to - and then picking a convenient time to fall apart for yourself. I suspect you'll do that again this time.

It's hard to explain but last night and this morning I had these experiences where it felt as if she was looking out my eyes and that when I licked my lips and tasted my mouth.....it was like her life force in me was ....I dont know...experiencing it.

Would that be so unusual?

[Jim Eshelman]

Jim I dont understand, you said my progressed moon to Uranus is coming exact. (Completely feeling that in every cell right now). But you said it will happen again in a few months? I'm assuming Uranus goes retrograde?

One aspect is to natal Uranus and the other to progressed Uranus. I'll give details when I can get back to Solar Fire shortly.

Your natal Uranus is 18°47' Virgo but your progressed Uranus is 16°50' Virgo - so progressed Moon hits it first. Here are your lunar progressions for the next year: Those involving Moon have an orb of one month before and after.

p Moon conj. p Uranus Jun 22 2021
p Moon op. r/p Eris Jul 13 & Jul 30 2021
op Moon conj. r Uranus Aug 20 2021
p Moon sqq. r Sun Sep 29 2021
p Moon sq. r Venus Oct 5 2021
p Moon sx. r Mars Dec 7 2021
p Moon tr. r Mercury Dec 18 2021
p Moon ssq. r Moon Dec 19 2021
p Moon sq. p Mars Dec 24 2021
p Moon ssq. r/p Neptune Jan 8 & 16 2022
p Moon ssq r Jupiter Mar 13 2022
p Moon op. p Sun [PROGRESSED FULL MOON] Mar 27 2022
p Moon ssq. p Jupiter Apr 15 2022

Of non-lunar progressions, October 2 is progressed Sun sqq. natal Jupiter, a year coming and a year going - it figures strongly in your lunar progressions especially next spring. In a pleasing, enjoying trend, you have progressed Venus sextile natal Venus exact on April 2 (more or less one year coming and going, I think). Creating friction (in the best and worst sense of the word) is progressed Mars ssq. r Moon, exact September 14 (more than a year coming and going).

BTW, it looks to me like romance this year: Late September / early October is quite good for inter-sexual pleasure and you're building to a progressed Full Moon (Moon-Sun opposition) next spring. With Jupiter so involved, it might even be a literal marriage. Have lots of fun and make lots of good choices

I'm just not able to hold it together anymore.

Making a note to myself to see what the chart factors are that is pushing on this right now. (The circumstances in your life pushing it are obvious.) I do know that you've proven yourself incredibly enduring and able to hold it together anytime at all that you need to - and then picking a convenient time to fall apart for yourself. I suspect you'll do that again this time.

The best thing going by transit right now is Jupiter squaring your Scorpio planets and conjoining your Sun redundantly over a few months. The most pivotal thing is probably Saturn square natal Saturn later this year: It will be time to make new decisions about where your life is going for the next seven years as you finishing readying yourself to be an open wisdom figure. (That's the best option, I think, for for beginning your third Saturn cycle, which is in about seven years.)

In the short run (current few days), transits are irritating and a little unstable, but I think the big thing going on is that Moon-Uranus progression. It increases stress, opens the gates for you to perceive and understand at a more accelerated rate for a while, and eventually (this is a good thing:) let's you stop holding it together for a while. (Each thing in its own time, right?) Moon-Uranus is exact in a week and a half and fully operational now.

Your current Demi-SLR has Sun on Descendant - people are looking to you for leadership - but it's exactly opposite your Mars. I'm sure you're angry (with all the stuff that goes with it: not always sure what you're really angry about, becoming openly angry about things that seem to small to warrant it, feeling guilty about what you're really angry about - or whatever your personal form of this is). It's all good, and it's all part of the process you're going through (and that everybody goes through in such times). A difference is that the universe is calling on you to show leadership right now.

This gets stronger June 21 or 22 when your new Lunar Return occurs with Sun on Midheaven square natal Pluto rising.

[Veronica]

Thank you.

I'm trying to digest an awful lot today but it's a funny thing that the other day I was looking at my sisters composites and progressed composites to try a get a feel for the relationship dynamics that I had been observing the past week, which was brilliantly displayed in the charts.

I saw in our progressed chart that the beginning of Oct our Progressed moon changed aspect and approaches the 12th house.

It was so nice to see that.
To see that the relationship dynamic that I feel between us, which is so so so special and wondrous feeling, doesnt change much till then.

And no, it's not so unusual for me to have those sensations with people,.......thank you for understanding that, it's that there is a crisp vivid unpollutedness....

I had wanted to tell her about my hike the other day and how I flew but she already knew, so I dont have to go to tell her.

[Veronica]

I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for Karen.
It really came clear to me just now that without her support to my mother, I too would have died. I can't imagine being a young girl and witnessing what went on in our home.

I have a secret.

A few months ago she told me when this was all over we are moving South and not telling anyone and getting away from all these crazy shagging a$$holes.
We are going to open a store and drink coffee and listen to music and have a huge herb garden to grow herbs and stuff for potions. Just us, and maybe BrieAnna and my kids if they wanted.

It would hurt my family's feelings if I told them the truth.
If I told them our secret plan to run away from them all, that they really have absolutely no idea who we are, and what we like and need, and that we are really on a secret mission to unveil the Greater Mysteries.

I'm not going back over to my nieces. I dont need to be there and Karen doesnt need me there either.

[Veronica]

My sister always wanted to know her birth time.
We had tried working it out in the past.
We had come up with around 9am on Sept. 30, 1957 in Rochester NY.

Yesterday was surreal for me. I felt her and heard her and saw her. I remembered things from my infancy in vivid detail, things I didn't recall before, like her teaching me to swim when I was still in diapers.

Because it felt like her soul had left her body, I looked at her transits for yesterday with the 9am time, and after a few tweaks, we came to a birth time 8:26 am.

She passed this morning at 5:03am in Churchville NY where she had been living for the past 11 days.

Pluto Transiting conjunct her IC.

Her Pluto squares my moon, and all I can say about that is what she always said...." no one in this family understands who I really am and what I need...but you,Veronica...you know my soul"

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

I'm so sorry.

[SteveS]

V wrote:

Her Pluto squares my moon, and all I can say about that is what she always said...." no one in this family understands who I really am and what I need...but you,Veronica...you know my soul"

A true gift of kindness---her words here to you. I understand your loss V.

[Veronica]

I'm so sorry.

It's ok.
Thank you.
You have nothing to be sorry for.
We are not sad nor sorry, and even if we had known Karen's birth time, even years and years ago the life had to be lived.

I knew for sure her plans when she gave me the lame reason to live ..." to watch her grandson grow"......because I knew that she would watch over everybody whether she was alive or dead. I just had to play my part and play along so that it could unfold as needed for everyone.

You remind me of her brilliant mind that grasps all the little details and accepts people for who they are.

[Veronica]

V wrote:

Her Pluto squares my moon, and all I can say about that is what she always said...." no one in this family understands who I really am and what I need...but you,Veronica...you know my soul"

A true gift of kindness---her words here to you. I understand your loss V.

Yes, it felt good to have that feeling of understanding validated by her. Made me know that I'm not crazy and that there is so much more that we can't explain or understand yet, but it's coming clearer.


I realized that we had gone for a 9am birthtime because that puts Neptune on the angle. And that feeling came from how important she was to me and how I felt towards her, that she WAS All that and a bag of chips AND dip....

at 8:26 you see a soul that doesnt draw attention to itself in anyway, no strongly Angular planets and it's real power is when it touches others..

[Veronica]

"Your current Demi-SLR has Sun on Descendant - people are looking to you for leadership - but it's exactly opposite your Mars. I'm sure you're angry (with all the stuff that goes with it: not always sure what you're really angry about, becoming openly angry about things that seem to small to warrant it, feeling guilty about what you're really angry about - or whatever your personal form of this is). It's all good, and it's all part of the process you're going through (and that everybody goes through in such times). A difference is that the universe is calling on you to show leadership right now."

It taken me a few to get back to really hearing this.
I admit that in my first read I couldn't face this.

I am angry. I am furious.
And I know that anger cut off blood to the front of the brain so we dont think and reason well, so I had to pull back from all the people and really calm myself so I can figure out why and what.

Most of it I can own as anger at myself for not helping Karen, and sitting a just watching her make choices that I knew would hurt her. I used to try so hard, to get her to eat better and exercise, to think happy thoughts.....but she wouldn't and it would make her more upset the more I tried so I just accepted that she was in so much pain that she was dealing with it and comforting herself as best could.

Your right though, my family looks to me.

I had a dream years ago when I first dated Craig, I was at his funeral and it was filled with all his "friends" and I had to give the eulogy. I hated them, and told them that they just used him to dump on and party with and that they killed him. It was so real and so scary and I was so angry and sad. I told him about it because I wanted him to get away from them and be with me and to not being pumping poison into himself.

But that's exactly where I am today.
Having to write words for a Eulogy for my sister, who just like Craig.... held space and listened to others woes, who lent support to troubled souls, who tried to give a few happy "party" moments to a painful life.

I have to admit though that I too shared my woes and saught comfort.

And even though if I look at my anger and draw it to it's real source, Fred......the self proclaimed creator of it all, without whom none of us would be.....and I try to understand why he did what he did and didn't do.....its no ones fault. There is no fault.

[Veronica]

Jim,

I need to say this outloud. Again.

Thank you for sharing with the board your experience with the Keto diet.

I personally feel that if I had not gotten off the carbohydrate addiction cycle, I would be expressing aspects that are not authentically mine, but subconscious reflexes.

You said something about how in the past I had held it together until convenient.....when I expressed that I wasn't holding it together.

Gosh that is such a bad thing to do biologically to yourself....to withhold authentic feelings because it's not at a convenient time, for others.

It's a hard habit to break.
Especially if you are flooding your body with Carbs and throwing more fuel on the fire.

But that is what I did do, it was what I learned to do, to not express my feelings and be bullied. I physiologically and biologically loose control....crying, shaking, black outs, seeing red, hyper....all exasperated by the diet adding more heat and garbage.

I'm so much more in control of what I'll just call the depths of my being now that I burn calories low and slow. I can better find the middle ground and not be swayed back and forth between highs and lows.

I had a talk with Sabrina, she seemed upset. I told her that if someone makes you feel like crying, to cry with all you got, and if someone makes you want to punch them in the nose then punch them with all you got, because otherwise we aren't being true to ourselves, and we are doing a disservice to everything by not communicating our truth.

So thank you for sharing your experience because being able to make good choices makes all the difference.

[Jim Eshelman]

I need to say this outloud. Again.

Thank you for sharing with the board your experience with the Keto diet.

I personally feel that if I had not gotten off the carbohydrate addiction cycle, I would be expressing aspects that are not authentically mine, but subconscious reflexes.

You're welcome. Happy to do so

And yes, it hadn't occurred to me how that carb roller-coaster might have affected you with current events. Thanks for that.

So thank you for sharing your experience because being able to make good choices makes all the difference.

That should be on a t-shirt!

[Veronica]

Yes that would be a great shirt.

My family is holding a Celebration of Life for my siblings this Sunday.

I dont think I'm going to go. At least that's how I feel right now. It's hard to say this out loud because the implications are very harsh, but a very real part of me believes that Karen was my real mother, and they lied because of the social implications of a teen age pregnancy.

The feelings I've experienced during her passing are surreal, and honestly comparing Karen and my mother's to the rest of there offspring, especially noting Jupiter placements, and all the bs this family generates I wouldn't put it past them to lie.

I dont know, and I dont even no if it really matters when you come down to it.
It would explain alot though.

[Veronica]

I have never felt happier to have a new lunar return then I did waking up yesterday.
The past one was brutal and the demi lunar....

I developed a horrid break out in my nose and nasal cavity of cold sores, which I've had the virus my whole life mostly manifesting as conjunctivitis as a child, lips sores as a teen, and the nasal sores in my 20s.
I see the cyclic behavior of this illness in the fact that I broke out the same way when my mom died, my nephew died and now my siblings. One thing that I think I can learn from this to try and prevent this painful affliction is to listen deeper to my body and its response to stress and get away from things, feelings, thoughts, behaviors that will unbalance my being.

[Jim Eshelman]

Herpes outbreaks are definitely stress-related. I suspect this is because stress rapidly depletes vitamin B levels, and B-depletion is easily linked to worse and more frequent herpes outbreaks.

During the '70s and '80s, Anna-Kria and I noticed pretty reliably that outbreaks would occur immediately after the stress was over - in a "now I have time for this" way.

I'm unclear about something in your post, Veronica. Were you saying this happened this morning under the new SLR, or that it already happened under the old Demi?

[Robin van Dien]

[content deleted by poster]

[Veronica]

Herpes outbreaks are definitely stress-related. I suspect this is because stress rapidly depletes vitamin B levels, and B-depletion is easily linked to worse and more frequent herpes outbreaks.

During the '70s and '80s, Anna-Kria and I noticed pretty reliably that outbreaks would occur immediately after the stress was over - in a "now I have time for this" way.

I'm unclear about something in your post, Veronica. Were you saying this happened this morning under the new SLR, or that it already happened under the old Demi?

I felt the tingle, last Saturday ......which was day 2 of Hospice care for my sister, with no fluids, knowing full well the body can't survive past 3 days. Saturday Morning I saw Karen slip into a coma and become unresponsive as her organs shut down. My nasal were broken out by Monday morning when she passed. Saturday I took extra vitamins, but I really should have been taking extra for the whole lunar cycle to have prevented the breakout.

I completely agree about break outs happening after the stress because that has been my experience with all my break outs.

I woke up this Monday though and felt no pain or aches or grogginess, and was able to go to the laundry mat (btw...my washing machine died the day before Karen) and get a lot of things done around my house that I needed to stay on top of and cleaned and even had dinner (!) Cooked by 4PM, which was great because we then lost power till this morning.

I went to the Celebration of Life for my siblings. It felt like all the other family picnics we have, except people we dont see often (the older bunch) came for a few.
No one unawares would have ever known it was a family grieving. It was the first time Karen had ever not been physically present at one of our picnics, ever and it was weird and strange but yet still so much the same vibrant enthusiastic loud rowdy crowd we always are.

[Veronica]

I have never felt happier to have a new lunar return then I did waking up yesterday.
The past one was brutal and the demi lunar....

I developed a horrid break out in my nose and nasal cavity of cold sores, which I've had the virus my whole life mostly manifesting as conjunctivitis as a child, lips sores as a teen, and the nasal sores in my 20s.
I see the cyclic behavior of this illness in the fact that I broke out the same way when my mom died, my nephew died and now my siblings. One thing that I think I can learn from this to try and prevent this painful affliction is to listen deeper to my body and its response to stress and get away from things, feelings, thoughts, behaviors that will unbalance my being.

I am sorry. Wish you immense strength.

Thank you.
I appreciate your thoughts.
It's ok, it only really hurt bad for 3 or 4 days and I feel almost myself totally today.

[Veronica]

I had finally been able to make some long overdue dr. Apts. I haven't seen a primary care dr since 2018, or a gynecologist since 2019.
I made the gynecologist apt almost 2 months ago, and the apt is on my upcoming lunar return.
I had been very apprehensive and I just thought about my SSR this year and now I'm very very nervous.

I am so scared that I will have something very wrong.
I almost dont want to go and just keep on working and cleaning and living and if I drop then I drop ......

I've had a pretty horrid month in too many ways and dealing with Karen's death and the hard reality slap I felt remembering how ugly my mother really was to me and the abuse and neglect.....its been so painful to face...but I've tried to. And Jim I really want to thank you for letting me face the truth of my relationship with her when I had brought it up in the Pluto as a beneficial thread.
Such a nieve trusting and gullible person I am.
I was accused of stealing the other day and that made me so sick and sad and disgusted with people. I know I didn't do it, and my astrology for that time clearly shows that, so It was just more mean nasty lies and ugliness projected at me and I am so tired of it. I sobbed until my stomach hurt that the thief said I did it.
I know that I have my progressed moon coming back around to conjunct my Uranus, and I am also so afraid that just means more lies and pain and I dont think I can take any more.
Loosing Karen I lost the only person in my life who really knew me and knew what a kind soulful and loving person I am, I feel like no one knows me and no one wants too, they only want to take advantage of my gifts and talents and generosity. My family is being so hurtful to my feelings of loss and hateful that I was so close to Karen.

I dont know if my SSR with the moon and mars on my Saturn are just me worring that I have cancer and am dying, but I dont think I want to know if that's what it means.

[Jim Eshelman]

How do you feel physically?

[Veronica]

Honestly I have had very bad ringing in my ears for about a year with occasionally sharp headaches and blurred vision. I have weird pains in my left ovary area sometimes as well but haven't had a period in about 3 years.
I've had abnormal cervical cell growth in the past and I'm worried about this appointment bringing bad news.

I am afraid that now that I am older my body is breaking down faster then I can rebuild and repair it.
I feel like if I could only talk better to my cells I could stop them from breaking down and hurting me and causing dis ease.
I am very afraid to be brutally honest, that I have inherited from my mother damaged mitochondria that will or are become "active" or triggered and I will become afflicted.
I have a growth on my 2and toe on my right foot that is a form of " mothers curse" or a dis ease that is passed down through the female line. The apt to get the referral to the foot dr is still a month away.

My energy level fluctuates between extreme strength and exhaustion.

Thanks for asking
Getting old is not for the weak and I wish I knew how to listen to my body better.

[SteveS]

Keep us informed V and you know my best wishes are for you.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Your cells and body breaking down are what getting old is. It isn't your choice.

But you have a long way to go. It's hard right now because it's all happening at once. And I think that's because of the stress you've been under. Part of your grieving process is letting go of "what might have been" and starting to look forward again. This is not a one-time revelation process. It's a long term thing so settle in for the ride.

Stop trying to help everybody else right now. Help yourself first. Put your own mask on before you put your kid's mask on. All that good stuff. Sit with your grief and do lots of symbolic letting go things. Blow out candles, scatter petals, throw away old food, give old clothes away and get new (Goodwill...) Keep stuff you love, but if it hurts, put it away till you've done more processing.

But first of all, stop trying to help other people. Maybe explain you're giving yourself some space to process to your dad so you preserve the work you've done on the relationship and let everybody else do without your attention. If Karen was the only one worth your while, then there's no reason to deal with the rest.

[Veronica]

Thank you both for being kind and helpful....

At 11:15 am this morning my landlord's gave me a notice to move by July 31. Their business crashed from covid and they are forced to sell the house.

Pretty shocked and scared and like wtf.....

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

I thought it had to be 30 days notice.

[Jim Eshelman]

WTF indeed!?

First, though, unless there are some extraordinary circumstances I don't know about, evictions can't happen that fast. You also have Jupiter conjoining your Sun within days - usually a mark of salvation or advantage.

This is also an interesting expression of your current SLR: Transiting Sun at MC square natal Pluto rising. Transiting Sun is "the Man" (the authorities; it certainly includes anyone with "lord" in their title, like a landlord). Natal Pluto is your shock experience and might turn out to be a disruption and relocation - but I'm not sure how that could happen so fast.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

The laws in NYS changed recently. For instance if the landlord changes the locks that's a criminal offense, now, no longer just a civil matter and the police can get involved even if they think they can't.

Look here: https://tenanthelpny.org/get-started/
and here: https://www.lawny.org/node/393/new-prot ... te-renters