Veronica

[Veronica]

Thank you for those words Jupiter, Danica and Mike.

I hear what your saying and it deeply resonates with my feelings.

I'm grieving, for many and thank you Jupiter for that reminder that I'm a human being going through real loss and that I need to mourn and grieve and not bury my emotions and to give myself time.

I am feeling better today. Things, thoughts, feelings, memories come in waves and can overwhelm me. These triggers really get me so sad about never talking to Karen ect et al....and With Transiting Juputer squaring my moon for my Lunars it just makes me feel like an outa control sprinkler system that just gushes out at strange and inappropriate times.
Thank you for your kindnesses and understanding.

[Jim Eshelman]

I think there is a period, after an important relationship is over, when the following song is entirely true. That usually passes... but this is a good example of what it passes through.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho3yoTd6qk0

[mikestar13]

Veronica, I must warn you from experience: when the grief is deep enough, it never ends. I have grieved my son David's death (see viewtopic.php?f=10&t=690&p=9760&hilit=autism#p9760) for near a dozen years--which is longer than he was alive. As time wears, I'm able to function in spite of it more and more, but it never goes away--and the last teardrop won't fall until David greets me at the gates of heaven. You grief may not be as unconsolable as mine--but if it is, there is no shame in that. You will heal and learn and grow and you will know peace and joy. Trust me, I've walked that path. May the stars and the God who made them shine on you.

[SteveS]

I ditto Mike's last post. My tragic loss of my sister's death still haunts me at times, it was she who taught me so many things about love. We all must learn to live with tragic things in our life, its part of living.

[Veronica]

I think there is a period, after an important relationship is over, when the following song is entirely true. That usually passes... but this is a good example of what it passes through.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho3yoTd6qk0

Yes, that's perfect.
Thank you for sharing it, I had never heard it.
so, there I was at the laundry mat sobbing for everybody and anybody to see, not caring how ugly crying makes you look to other people, I felt better when the song was over, even though in the song they kissed at the end.
I have to accept that I did my best, for 8 years, to tell and show Craig that I love him, but that he has his own needs and has every right to do what he can to meet them and that whatever it is she does for his chart in synastry to meet those needs as a friend I should be happy for them both that they have each other.
The woman he has been with since we broke up is a girl from my town who I've known since 7th grade. Ironically Craig is the 4th close friend of mine that she started dating. There were 3 other times that I was close (not intimate but close friends) friends with a guy and then she dated them and I lost the friendships. Her birthday is july 18, 1971 so we have opposite venuses and Moons. I was never friends with her, she was mean and judgmental from what I saw, and it always hurt me that I wasnt able to be friends with her as well as my male friends that she dated. I wish that culture would move away from the idea that woman should fight and get all up in arms against each other over a man. Its unhealthy thinking and feeling and really is self destructive and ruins beautiful things.
I will not be involved with anyone if it has to be a secret, or if it would hurt another's feelings and self esteem. I will not go behind anyone's back, and I will not attack another woman by telling her that her man is talking to me or anything. If a person is involved with someone and wants to relate with me, then that HAS to be in the open and know to all. If I do decide to date, I have decided it has to be completely open and honest. It just seems like so many relationships are children pretending to be adults, doing adult activity, but holding onto childish playground popularity games. I'm not a child and I'm not going to date children or people being immature and childish, it serves no purpose but to perpetuate a status quo that is unhealthy and brutally ripping apart people's lives and the lives of those around them.
If Craig cannot tell his GF that him and I have maintained a friendly nonsexual relationship for almost 4 years, then I have to accept that our relationship cannot grow anymore and will always just be a repeat of what it had been, him hooking up the minute I leave, with who ever is available. He doesnt want a WE OURS US, or he doesnt need that, and I can accept that he has his own needs. so do I, and I will never settle for being a secret friend, nor should I. I am a very nice person with a lot of interesting aspects that no one else has ever felt the need to hide me in closets because they are embarrassed to be seen with me.
I personally feel that Craig is not the type to be loud and proud and act in love about any woman at all. Heterosexual males seem to see that (proudly loudly loving your mate) as weak and gay and effeminate, and against the HeManWomanHeters club.

[Jim Eshelman]

When you mentioned she had dated four different men from your past, I immediately knew she probably had planets in the same place as yours (so that you set off the men's charts in the same way).

First, she has a Taurus Moon - opposite (by sign) yours in Scorpio - so anyone's Hub Sun or Moon that naturally connects to your Scorpio Moon is just as likely to click with her Taurus Moon.

Her Venus is opposite yours to the degree! I'm guessing Craig and/or the other men had planets closely to your Venus at 20° Sagittarius (and, thus, to hers at 20° Gemini).

Your Mercuries are 3° from opposition, so if these men had strong communication connections to your Mercury, they're likely also connecting the same planets to her Mercury (unless they are out of orb because they're a few degrees earlier than your Mercury).

Finally, there is the cluster of planets around the same degree set as your Sun, Neptune, etc. Here's the big difference: In that degree cluster, you have Jupiter connected most closely (and your luminaries involved closely by degree), while her Jupiter is farther away and she has Saturn involved instead. Do Craig and the others have key planets in this zone? If so, they got you (your luminaries) and Jupiter-edged Neptune; with her, they get Saturn-tinged Neptune.'' Using noon for her birth (for convenience):

5°05' Aqu - your Sun
6°07' Sco - her Neptune
7°44' Sco - your Moon
8°40' Sco - your Neptune
8°56' Tau - her Saturn
10°29' Sco - your Jupiter

So yes - in the same small city, with comparable ages, there is a greater chance that the two of you will tap the same people in the dating pool.

[Veronica]

Veronica, I must warn you from experience: when the grief is deep enough, it never ends. I have grieved my son David's death (see viewtopic.php?f=10&t=690&p=9760&hilit=autism#p9760) for near a dozen years--which is longer than he was alive. As time wears, I'm able to function in spite of it more and more, but it never goes away--and the last teardrop won't fall until David greets me at the gates of heaven. You grief may not be as unconsolable as mine--but if it is, there is no shame in that. You will heal and learn and grow and you will know peace and joy. Trust me, I've walked that path. May the stars and the God who made them shine on you.

Karen says the ribs are the Gates, and the heart is Heaven.
She grieved for her son too. She missed him so much it killed her.

Karen had an aversion to physical touch and people in her personal space. It progressed throughout her life quite strongly. She vocalized it and had no problem telling people to back off, she was always very nice and honest and clear so people wouldn't have their feelings hurt unnecessarily.

It was so hard to respect that when she was ill and dying. It killed me at times not to just scoop her up and hug her, massage her, brush her hair. It would have made me feel better, I know. You can say so much with a touch, that a million words dont even start to say. So I had to find the words to say to her, the words my hug wanted to express, and so I blabbed and yammered and told her I loved her and how special she was/is, how pretty her hair smells, and on and on about how valuable she was to me, and how valuable She made me feel. I said so much, so many stupid silly things to try and express what that hug wanted to say....apologizing for everything I ever said or did that might have hurt her...everything
and after a bit she would stay stop...I know...I know..you dont have to say anything. I love you too.

In the last week of her life she asked me to please help remind everyone that she doesnt want to be touched, or cuddled or people in her personal space. She knew that she was not going to be thinking right or able to talk or defend her wishes. I said of course.
and so when hospice care started and she had 3 days I was battling for her as everyone wanted to touch and stroke and lay on.....and I would politely say.... Karen asked us not to....
and they all did it anyway. Karen's eyes would flame, and there was nothing I could do to keep my sister Marcy or my nieces and friends from filling their own need to express to Karen their words that they never found.
I tried.
I did my best but I failed.
but Karen says that it's ok, I didnt fail. We both know exactly how we feel about each other.

I tried, every which way and loose...to express my loving hug to Craig..in words, actions, songs, poems, photos, stories, space and time. I really did.

I try to always tell people how wonderful and valuable and special they are to me and the whole world so that if I die at anytime no one in my "circle of relationships" has any questions as to my love and affection.

Grief is a bit of a twisted sort of gift in that once we feel those depths of pain, when we surface we bring with us an appreciation of time and motivation to move in love through time, hopefully openly and bravely screaming our loves so everyone can see and hear it.

[Veronica]

When you mentioned she had dated four different men from your past, I immediately knew she probably had planets in the same place as yours (so that you set off the men's charts in the same way).

First, she has a Taurus Moon - opposite (by sign) yours in Scorpio - so anyone's Hub Sun or Moon that naturally connects to your Scorpio Moon is just as likely to click with her Taurus Moon.

Her Venus is opposite yours to the degree! I'm guessing Craig and/or the other men had planets closely to your Venus at 20° Sagittarius (and, thus, to hers at 20° Gemini).

Your Mercuries are 3° from opposition, so if these men had strong communication connections to your Mercury, they're likely also connecting the same planets to her Mercury (unless they are out of orb because they're a few degrees earlier than your Mercury).

Finally, there is the cluster of planets around the same degree set as your Sun, Neptune, etc. Here's the big difference: In that degree cluster, you have Jupiter connected most closely (and your luminaries involved closely by degree), while her Jupiter is farther away and she has Saturn involved instead. Do Craig and the others have key planets in this zone? If so, they got you (your luminaries) and Jupiter-edged Neptune; with her, they get Saturn-tinged Neptune.'' Using noon for her birth (for convenience):

5°05' Aqu - your Sun
6°07' Sco - her Neptune
7°44' Sco - your Moon
8°40' Sco - your Neptune
8°56' Tau - her Saturn
10°29' Sco - your Jupiter

So yes - in the same small city, with comparable ages, there is a greater chance that the two of you will tap the same people in the dating pool.

it's so weird....
but I was only friends with the three others..I never dated or kissed ect, just kids hanging out at school stuff.

.yes they were guys who were easy to talk and joke with, were open minded to my weird teen age quirks and generally were just guys who waved a freak flag and were outsiders with no friends like me. They never made any sexual advances and one would call me his little sister.

I most definitely feel that Neptune Saturn, she was always coming of as cold hard mean and stuck up, but I just figure that was my personal synastry with her, and that maybe to others they experienced her as a nice kind loving happy person.

I will be quite honest though, she also was dramatic and violent and aggressive, and I've told Craig for the past 4 years that I am not going to risk pissing her off and having her come and shoot me, and to leave me alone if he is with her. So each time Craig and I have talked or worked on a house I think he has finally broken off with her, only to find out I'm wrong, that he is still with her.
this last time he asked me to help with a house but specifically upfront said, I'm still with her.....which prompted me to point blank ask If he wanted to be with me or not.
I had really hoped Craig had had an adult conversation with her and at least told her that we are friends, but well...that didnt happen, and I'm not going to tell her, that's just ugly all over. I wont ever lie if asked about things, I was open and honest and clear and upfront with Craig every day from my end so I have nothing to lie about.

[Veronica]

I have tried to understand my character, myself with astrology. I have tried to accept that based off my personal traits, that some people are not going to vibe well with me, and based off the overall strength of my character, some people are really going to Hate me with a capital H. It stands to reason that I too will not vibe very strongly with some and I have tried to understand why ......because I dont like feeling that way to any living being, it makes me feel sick in a way about myself.

I feel sometimes that my character, That I myself, am like an ancient Archtype of the epitome of the collected hatred of humanity, that the qualities that my natal bestow on me touch upon a deep repressed collective projection of fear and anger and disharmony.

I had a dream that I lived a million years ago and my tribe hated me so much I just walked away. Like Forrest, I just left, and some hunted after me, endlessly over ages upon ages till I had walked the entire world trying to get away and just live and let live and mind my own business. And now I wake up and there is no where left to go, no land on Earth left, surrounded by people who hate what I am, and how I look and act, and who wish I would go away so they can forget how they felt and be comfortable feeling.

At my new job that I loved I believed my co workers liked me. But yesterday I had a coworker come up out of the blue and in a very real way let me know the truth about my hard work and joy and eager to help attitude, how no one else wants to go above and beyond. It hurt so bad to be tricked into thinking I was liked and that my talents were appreciated.
I have to stop doing this to myself, this self delusion in thinking others are striving for excellence and love. yet I cant put it in my head to have the mindset that others are trying to hurt me, take advantage, and that I need to protect myself at all times and stay hypervigilant against others......that's just a horrible negative way to exist and shuts down my ability to be my authentic self.

I dont want to believe that I am the worst of the worst sort of people, but I question myself because if I am so wrong about knowing who likes me and is Kind and who is only being nice, if I cant deceren that correctly about other people then maybe my thoughts about myself are wrong too.

[Jim Eshelman]

So much to say... and, yet, nothing to say... and, yet, I don't want this post to go unacknowledged.

First, I totally get the feelings. I think it is the Aquarius in us that, if we're going to be true to ourselves, means we're ultimately outsiders and castoffs. It's excessive to say we're pariahs, but sometimes that's the form the role takes. It's definitely our "job" to stand outside most of the rest and serve as unpleasant voices from the wilderness. Sometimes, in the course of living life that way, we get to be part in the rest (but usually not - and there is hurt in just how infrequently that occurs).

I made a choice early in life that I'm pretty sure wouldn't work for you: I accepted that, whatever happened in the short run in my life, it wasn't likely my lot ever to be really liked, that I'd be mostly an outcast or a voice on the fringe. In 5th grade when I learned the word "ostracized" I was amazed that someone had created a word just to describe me. (Of course, it wasn't only about me - many other people get to own the word, too - but it felt so intimate and central that it seemed it was just my word.

There's no way, Veronica, that you are an embodiment of humanity's hatred, and you're too strong to be its victim. Nonetheless, I get that sometimes it will seem like their discomfort is centered on you, that you're the hot compress that sucks all the poison out of the damaged. There's little chance of that poison not staying at least briefly in you - at best, it passes through - but the compress can be rinsed and reapplied. It's not your poison, but I think you do draw it out of the damaged.

Also - though I wasn't there to witness the incident you described - I don't think it was hatred at you either. You just got a reminder that a lot of people are unhappy with their lives, angrily think they need more than they're getting, and truly don't want to go above and beyond. Their well isn't as full as your well. They're disconnected from the ceaseless streams of love to which you stay connected.

Your willingness - actually, your need - to go above and beyond, to pour out the Aquarius streams into the world, to infuse parched land with life and culture and human civility - isn't something most people are going to bring (or have the capacity to bring).

You are not, of course, an archetype of the collective hatred of humanity - you lead with your kindness (look how you centered even that painful sentence on the Aquarian theme of collective humanity). You exist to pour forth the streams. But, in your Aquarius-Scorpio soul there are, indeed, some things that most easily attract others' ire. Scorpio, of course, is a common target of maligning. Many ancient astrologers treated Aquarius the same way due to its rulership by Saturn, most of them regarding it as one of the worst of the signs (Manilius was a striking exception). I've always thought this was because there was no context for understanding the outside of society Aquarius in a Roman that depended on the safety of everyone's civil conformity. - So, while you're obviously not a figure of hatred, you are an easy hub of misunderstanding. You need to be yourself authentically and there's no reason to think other people will ever understand you or get who you really are because, well, that's not how they roll.

Your dream of ancient alienation BTW struck me as an archetype-rich dream acknowledging the part of you that is the goddess spirit that departed human tribes ages ago and has been trying to find places on Earth where it can settle as it once did. And, while most turned away, a few persisted in trying to find you.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with the dork at work. Your recent SLR has Pluto in the exact degree of Ascendant and a foreground Mercury-Pluto conjunction. A confrontational communication and something to shake your reality seem to have been inevitable; but also, something that would set your mind on a path of introspective reassessment.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

V, look at your SSR. If I have the right location, you have Pluto 1°29 from the Dsc. Of course you're feeling singled out and separated. You've also got transiting Saturn square natal Saturn 0°15, and conjunct natal Mercury 0°15'.

So one person you work with is upset because what, she thinks you're making her look like a slacker? She claims other people feel the same, but that's just what she says. She was trying to make you feel bad.

The grocery stores should have forced hyacinths about now. Get one. Use your nose instead of picking by color, and then get one that isn't fully open yet. Put toilet paper cores over the bud stalks (slit them to get them on) so they grow taller before they open and last longer. Make sure its not near the heat register. After the flowers are over, keep it watered and plant it out when it's spring.

[Veronica]

Thank you Jim,
It means alot to me have another Aquarius point of view, and knowing that my feelings of ostracism are not solely mine helps immensely.
Thank you for reassuring me and reminding me.

I had two strange question asked of me during the highering process, ones I had never been asked, and my answers are so Aquarian......

First question......if you could have any SuperPower, what would it be and why?
I said I wish I had a magic touch so that anyone I touched felt Loved and Appreciated because the world is filled with people who do not feel loved or appreciated.

Second question......What pronoun do I prefer?
That one stumped me and I couldn't figure out what was really being asked or why, so I naively replied me, my last name used to be a pronoun, just call me me I guess.
It was then explained that on staff are several "transiting" people and that they wanted to be called pronouns other then the sexual he she.

Well that conversation about sexual ambiguity and people not comfortable in thier skin bothered me. It bothered me because of all of the scientific research that I have been reading that compels one to understand that there really isnt a Me. That we are a conglomeration of life forms, housed in our physical skin and interconnected to all other living things. There is no separateness, there is no me.

I was talking to Sabrina about this idea and reminded her of the metoo hashtag trend support that arose when Donald Trump was running for office from people who also had been on the receiving end of abuse and mistreatment. It made so many people angry and unfortunately did not have any footing to bring about change in people's behavior.

I told Sabrina that I should have told my boss to call me We, as that is a correct pronoun for what I am, an interconnected embodiment of bacteria and viruses and human dna and mitochondrial dna and a sampling of everything under the sun. I feel that the reason the metoo hashtag failed was that it denied the fact every single person has been on the receiving end of unwanted sexual advances, men and women, theys and thems, old and young, and the metoo did not seem to have an ear to hear of other who are abused.
so anyway, I think a WeToo hashtag sharing stories of uncomfortable situations would be very healing, yet I feel that many do not want healing, they want to be angry and bitter and victims. Or more correctly, there is a part of them that needs to be angry and bitter and victims because culturally it is unacceptable for a man to talk about his sexual assault, abuse and demeaning treatment....it unfortunately is not seen as empowering and is very much against the Patriarchal ideal of what a man is.

rant/

One thing also I have noted strongly this SSR is what I will call the doppelganger effect. This year. I have had the utterly bizarre experiences of being around people, coworkers, nurses, hikers ect that I swear are so striking similar to people From my past its eerie. What I think is going on though is that these are people who share similar astrology traits, so much so that they seem almost like carbon copies. In my life as a front desk person I have met thousands of folks, yet so many people look and act and hold themselves so similar.
Sabrina and I came across a young (30ish) man in the mall who we swore was Craig, but when he got closer we saw subtle differences, besides the age. I dont know if this unique to my SSR, or just my ability to see certain astrology aspects, I have yet to have myself show up, but maybe I didnt recognize those aspects. It was very creepy in a way running into people you thought you know, but it is also reassuring in that you can see Mother Nature at work.

[Veronica]

V, look at your SSR. If I have the right location, you have Pluto 1°29 from the Dsc. Of course you're feeling singled out and separated. You've also got transiting Saturn square natal Saturn 0°15, and conjunct natal Mercury 0°15'.

So one person you work with is upset because what, she thinks you're making her look like a slacker? She claims other people feel the same, but that's just what she says. She was trying to make you feel bad.

The grocery stores should have forced hyacinths about now. Get one. Use your nose instead of picking by color, and then get one that isn't fully open yet. Put toilet paper cores over the bud stalks (slit them to get them on) so they grow taller before they open and last longer. Make sure its not near the heat register. After the flowers are over, keep it watered and plant it out when it's spring.

Your so wonderful, thank you for telling me about Hyacinths, they are my favorite! I could smell them in my mind as I read your words and it made me feel immensely better. I love the TP trick too!! I had a bunch planted at our old home, Orion loved to pick them and give them to me.

Yea, I'm still in the same place. weird weird weird but outta the blue my landlord sent me a text saying that they had gotten permission to keep the house, and we were welcome to stay. Permission from whom I have no idea or what that really means and I didnt ask. Honestly the rollercoaster ride that all was made me not want to say anything about it, because who knows if next week they change thier minds and give me another eviction letter.....I have half unpacked what is left of my stuff.

as for work, I'm there to work and help the customers not make friends or get dates ect. I'm glad the incident happened even though though it was cruel and mean and very hurtful it just helps me stay in my own lane and mind my own business and focus on my things even more so. Karen always said that I was a wonderful person and if someone didnt like me and want me in thier life or on thier team it was their loss, not mine.

[Veronica]

Bye Bye 2021 SSr!

Thank you all for your tolerance, support and encouragement during this most difficult year.

I just reflected back on my SSR chart, the T Moon and Mars on my natal Saturn ect.....all very very telling of events that came to pass in my life this year.

I also, for the first time ever, looked to see what my chart, my year, would have looked like under a Tropical Solar return.

I run into many people who espouse astrology, tropical, with out knowing anything but the sun sign. I have tried to explain scientifically why it's wrong, but for the most part its lost in translation, they get what I'm saying about the Precession but they really have no feeling for the entirety of the solar system.

I dont have an Aquarian Mercury.
When I just now looked at the Tropical Solar return for my life last year, I plainly saw how that return was not what I just lived through, and how the planets in the signs is not what is truly being experienced. Not to mention the Angularities in that chart put expression in places which were again not reflective of my personal experience of that time.

So I feel like I can better defend the truth now about the falicy of Tropical and how it does not hold up against reality and experience.

Any way, Cheers to a New Sidereal Solar Return!
Thanks for being some of the best parts of 2021:)

[SteveS]

Wishing you a happy new solar year V.

[Veronica]

Thank you Steve:)

[Veronica]

so,
I was listening to a streaming radio in the faint background while I was painting, and I turned my attention away from my painting because I recognized the voice of Anthony Keidis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but it was a song I never heard before, and I thought I had heard them all.
Well I just now found out that they have a new album!
They are some funky monks with groovy sounds!
My love of their music, and John Frusciante in particular came at a very stressful time in my life, and I kept hope alive by playing thier happy songs.
It gave me hope when I was feeling utterly hopeless about my situation, trapped and cornered in always of being.
I will be quiet honest that at 10:50 tonight when I read the song list for thier new album, and saw a song with my name.......well, I flew, right to Sabrina in the other room and just about fainted on her.
I cant wait to hear what they have been up to.
The single that I heard was called Poster Child and it is hot as ever!

[Veronica]

I am utterly shocked, still.
In moments of stillness I find myself beaming, amazed and wondering at the wonderfulness of the world.

It's so odd,
how is it that I feel like I have been crowned with Love, a priceless gift, the golden ring on the carousel.....
when I think that the band, the four brothers of love,
whose music helped lift me and all my children out of darkness and gave us so much joy and happiness....wrote a song about Veronica.

It's such a seemingly small thing,
yet it is not
Thank you, everyone for sharing your gifts with me and giving me a place to share mine.

[Veronica]

My new Lunar return starts tomorrow, I should be home from work. Not very strong Angular plants, wide Sun and my Pluto.

This winter was very very lean for me. It has taken time to get used to my new work schedule. It's been ages (since my mid twenties) that I have worked afternoons and evenings, and I miss getting up at 4am and having coffee with the stars. The odd hours at work, and being tight with money made it challenging to stay true to my Keto diet. I allowed myself to eat what was available and not stress about the carbs, I needed the calories to keep going.

I am hoping that as Venus and then Mars transits my Saturn that I will be back on track of my consumption.
I was moved this year for Lent to give up social media/facebook as well. I had given it up in 2020, but when the pandemic came I wanted to be able to communicate with my family so I abandoned it. Now that my brother Mike and Karen have passed, I really have no interest in it at all.

I think for Lent you are supposed to give up something challenging, but I felt it was unhealthy for me to be online so much, just scrolling through pictures and memes and disinformation ect. So it felt appropriate and timely for me to back away from that.

For my birthday this year Sabrina bought me some beautiful notebooks and I have been writing and creating poetry and stories the old fashioned way, with pen and paper and me and the Universe. I didnt realize how much I had missed doing that. I like having my feeling and thought down on paper.

I am very excited about my financial future, it seems that the lean times maybe over. In February I didnt receive any child support, which was very hard on us. It seems that with Orion turning 21 they readjusted the funds because I did start getting half of the payments again. I'm glad, and I will be super glad when I dont get any of it . Yet with my new job and the kids working I am confident we will get through what ever comes at us.

Things at work are great. I work for a truly outstanding company with a great staff and I feel great about the products and services we offer. I love talking with all the customers and helping and encouraging them and sharing what I know with them.

It makes me believe that there is someone in the world who I could really open up and talk to and relate with. That would be the best, if I made a new friend who really got me and all my Unicorn weirdness. I would like that very much.

I am looking forward to this spring season and getting out on the trails and nature and welcoming all the plants and animals and bugs and birds back. I started leaving/sharing food on my bikes. Its something I didnt agree with before, feeling that feeding birds makes them dependent on humans, and if the bird feeder dies then so do the birds....but I dont feel that way anymore.
It has been very rewarding leaving little piles of food hidden for the foragers, I feel like I'm leaving a little treasure for some chipmunks to stumble upon and feel like they found the dragon hoard of sunflower seeds.
I say "May you never hunger, May you never thirst," Which is quote from the book The 5th Sacred thing by Starhawk. It seems right to say so.

I am still car sharing with the kids which is major transportation issues, but we are making it work. So I'm off to bring my girl to work and then a bit later myself working till 930 tonight. Good good stuff!!

[Veronica]

Looks like I may be moving this year....

sometime between 9:25 and 9 :45 my landlord put a sign up on my lawn about the property.

How odd that I had been reflecting on Saturns transits to my natal moon this year in comparison to last years Jupiters, during the 20 minutes that I was not facing the front windows.

I looked through the sections on outer Plantets transits and the delineations and interpretations dont (or I didnt find where spoken of) preface the fact that when a slow outer planet transits our natal moon, that our Lunar returns are heavily influenced for the duration and that deep psychological and physiological shifts will unfold.

The Transit of Jupiter last year to my moon during my siblings passing and the actions of my landlord was gift more precious then words can explain. My studies of the arts and sciences brought me to a point where I felt communion at a depth I never knew possible. I felt brought back in time to my preteens, to when I felt totally in love with Life Itself.

I feel that these next few years of Saturn transiting my Moon are going to be Absolutely Fabulous, filled with the opportunity to build upon the blessings that Jupiter passed to me.

I'm not sure what's going on with my landlord and this stupid sign, sigh. Good thing I never unpacked.

[Jim Eshelman]

sometime between 9:25 and 9 :45 my landlord put a sign up on my lawn about the property.

He's been going back and forth on that, right?

I looked through the sections on outer Plantets transits and the delineations and interpretations dont (or I didnt find where spoken of) preface the fact that when a slow outer planet transits our natal moon, that our Lunar returns are heavily influenced for the duration and that deep psychological and physiological shifts will unfold.

That's only true if it falls in the foreground, which is less than a fourth of the time. Having had Neptune conjunct my Moon for many months, I can confirm that the times this fell on an angle of the SLR or Demi were the primary times the aspect was intensely felt. (Of course, when it's within 1° you feel it strongly no matter what.)

[Veronica]

No, he hasn't as last I knew.

He texted me back in the mid fall saying he had gotten permission to keep the house and that we are welcome to stay.

This is outta the blue.

But it feels very personal still.
I have no communication this morning about this.

[Jim Eshelman]

Your new lunar return (Tuesday) is interesting in that the most angular planet is Eris, the trickster and chaos-stirrer, less than 2° below Descendant.

There are other strong factors but nothing super-strong. Transiting Sun is 4° from an angle (and 2°30' from opposite your Pluto, signaling forced decisions and some sort of (large or small) turning point. Natal Uranus, Puto, and Venus are angular. More benefics than malefics, so one would take it as a primarily good month, but this certainly sounds like a readiness for change.

[Veronica]

hmmmmm....

Well, that's very fitting. After I posted I took the car for an oil change and was suddenly struck by the lack of foxes I have seen this spring. Just as my mind finished that thought, a huge fox ran across the road and up the hill. Foxes are tricksters.

I spent Thursday with my dad and my older brother. Both seem to be at death's door. my dads kidneys are failing, and my brothers heart and lungs are very very tired. My dad went on and on about wanting to die and being done with living. My brother even showed great tenderness to me, which was new and nice.

With the combo of my SSR this year, and some hard lunar returns this years, and my solar arcs and progressions I am unfolding great change for sure. Yet I have made a conscious effort to honestly express my thoughts and feelings to the kids, no longer just putting on a happy face for them, but letting them know that we have gotten through very very hard and horrible things together and we will continue to get through what ever come at us, collectively and individually, together.

I trust the universe, and if she wants to eat us up, I hope we are delicious to her.

[Veronica]

I am so very happy that in about 15 minutes the Red Hot Chili Peppers are getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and in a few more hours after that are releasing their new album.
It will be a most most beautiful transit of Venus through Aquarius for the next month!!
What a gift to the world they are, praising love and beauty like they do.

[Veronica]

I have my demi lunar tomorrow.

At work today there was a posting for a supervisor option for the night shift, and both my supervisors have encouraged me to apply.

I am going to submit my letter of interest tomorrow, and hopefully with this lunar chart I will get it!

Things at work are going great...except that 10 employees have covid very badly as of today, vaccinations and boosters hopefully made the illness not as severe.
I am still doing practical things to keep myself and the kiddos as healthy as possible. Blessed to not have gotten sick.

[mikestar13]

May the stars bless your application.

[Jim Eshelman]

Good luck!

[Veronica]

Thanks!!

but,
lol.....

at 9:41 today, after a few weeks of very scary issues with my car mysteriously just turning off randomly as We are driving, and it happening a dozen times on the way home last night....
It isnt getting any power at all, the ignition switch is just capooey....

ugh.

so I put on my super duper "gown up" cape and called my job and honestly explained the situation and apologized for not being able to get to work, and then called my dealership to let them know what happened and to get in que for repairs, and then called AAA to have the tow truck come.

I had a feeling I was going to have address the ignition, I am glad that as the situation had been unfolding in the past few weeks that I have been able to share and talk with the kids about what was going on with the car, and that we would need to get it to the shop before it breaks down on the road and causes and accident. Communication really helped make this not stressful.

[Jim Eshelman]

Your current SLR and Demi-SLR are pretty good.

The full SLR especially suggests good outcomes and particularly for the car. Transiting Jupiter is closely rising (with some Mercury and Neptune). Natal Mars is closely on MC (with some Pluto). You are daring, bold, strong, forthright, with luck on your side. The main transiting aspects are Mercury-Neptune and Mercury-Jupiter (confusion and anxiety about transportation, then a good outcome - Jupiter being the lead planet of the chart).

Your Demi-SLR that sets up early today has Uranus exactly angular, Sun nearly as close, and some Mercury and a whisper of Pluto. Natal Venus is strongest, with a little Uranus and a whisper of Saturn. On balance, that leans positive - natal Venus and transiting Uranus taking the lead. Mercury themes (whether work or transportation or communication) take the lead with the foreground Sun-Mercury conjunction. Foreground transits to the natal emphasis your benefics (Sun to natal Venus-Uranus, Mercury to Venus), though Pluto square natal Saturn 0°01' (mundane) does look like something will break along the way.

[Veronica]

It feels like a most excellent day, and yes I feel just as you said.

Though I will say that I also felt a bit of.....
I am so so sick and tired of transportation issues and not having a solid reliable car.

It honestly feels like back in 2000 when I sold my 72 Dodge Charger and my Eagle Talon to get the down payment on our home, that was the last time I had a dependable car.

The issue of transportation (Mercury) and the lack of my feeling in control of my comings and goings and even my personal thoughts and feelings, has been a burden and feelings of loss of personal power.

It seems as if these Mercurial issues have come to a head in a way. I want a new car that is dependable and reliable and does what it was made to do. I dont care if that means I have to get a loan from a bank and pay outrageously high insurance, it is worth the peace of mind and heart.
I note that my Solar Arc transits are quite expressive of my resolve to not get entangled in broken down cheap cars anymore, Chiron especially shows my deeper psychological shift away from past behaviors and patterns in my choices, and my understanding that investing in quality, and seeking peace is a much healthier expression of my natal chart.

[Veronica]

oh, did you say Transiting Pluto is square my natal Saturn mundanly?

If so, I am curious about that.....

A few years ago Pluto conjucted my Venus and was in orb for quite a long time due to Putos slow orbit.
This mundane square seems very odd, Pluto wont truly Square my Saturn for a good handful of years....

hmmm...no one likes there things getting broken.
If I am to be living with this sort of expression going on, I should find a good hobby to give it a positive expression.

I might have to take up marble sculpture or get a potter's wheel and clay.

[Jim Eshelman]

It's just for two weeks LOL.

[Veronica]

oh whew, well that's a walk in the park at springtime then!!
lol, I do like the idea of tossing clay and getting my hands dirty though.

[Veronica]

Called the auto shop and was very disappointed that instead of replacing the ignition switch like I had explained needed to be done, they just recharged the battery.
I had to very calmly reiterate that the several thousand pound car while moving suddenly loses power for several seconds, no steering, no brakes, no lights, nothing and how it doesnt stall but is powered off. I really stressed this time how frequently this happens, and how dangerous it is.
I feel like I am dismissed,
like my understanding of mechanics is silly.

Well I also informed them that I personally had replaced ignition switches, that is actually very easy, but because this car has an airbag it is recommended that it is done by a certified mechanic for safety.

So, I'm going to go for a walk now and listen to the frogs sing and watch the sunset. Nothing can be done about the car till tomorrow.

[Veronica]

Yesterday morning the ignition switch was replaced in the car.

it felt like a million pounds lifted off of me.
I hope no one ever has thier car mysteriously loose power like that. Its quiet terrifying not to mention outright dangerous. It almost felt criminal driving it that night to pick up Sabrina, knowing that at any moment the car may or may not be working. But I had to pick up my girl.

I will share this mechanical tip I learned. Dont have a heavy keychain. If you have a keychain loaded up with weight from things (other keys, flashlight, credit card case ect) over time the added weight pulling down on the key inserted into the chamber on the ignition will cause wear and tear on the delicate components and your car may seemingly become possessed by a demon like mine did.

I have heard no word from my landlord. Rent day came and I delivered the money myself to the kennel, but they had a new clerk who just took the money and said she would give it to the handyman because they were the only o es there. I had thought if I was going to be evicted I would have heard something by now.

My father is planning on moving into an assisted living complex, he most likely will be going on dialysis soon.
He is approaching his third Saturn return. He want me to move into the main house and rehabilitate it and sell it and split the money between his 5 kids (excluding Mike because he had no children of his own and has passed on.). He only needs $650 from me to pay the mortgage, which is half of the $1250 I pay now.
His attitude about moving is a complete 180 from what he was saying to me 3 weeks ago, but well that's a Piscean moon for ya.

So regardless of what plans my landlord is working for in his life I shall be moving. I should be in the house by June, July at the latest.
At least, as of right now ...lol

[Jim Eshelman]

Jupiter exactly rising in your current Solar Return, right?

[Veronica]

No, not this year.
I have an Angular Pluto.

[Jim Eshelman]

No, not this year.
I have an Angular Pluto.

As soon as you said that, it rang a bell. I reran the chart twice and kept getting the Jupiter... then ran it in Solar Fire and got the Pluto.

Finally caught it: It's a bug I think Mike's already fixed for the next version of TMSA. It pulled up your town as south latitude and east longitude which, of course, is all wrong.

Sure 'nuff - Pluto 0°06' from Descendant square natal Pluto 1°26' from IC. Stuff is changing.

[Veronica]

Saving $600 a month will be like I hit the lottery.
That is a life changing amount of money in many ways.
In one year we will save $7,200! That's crazy money.

I think that the solar Arc transit of Uranus, which I feel surprisingly expresses a core component of my psyche and processing as an Aquarian Sun, is close to conjunct my natal Jupiter.

[Jim Eshelman]

Saving $600 a month will be like I hit the lottery.
That is a life changing amount of money in many ways.
In one year we will save $7,200! That's crazy money.

I think that the solar Arc transit of Uranus, which I feel surprisingly expresses a core component of my psyche and processing as an Aquarian Sun, is close to conjunct my natal Jupiter.

It's within 1° now, will be exact in about nine months, probably felt increasingly between now and then.

[Veronica]

Yea!!
Today at exactly 11am my Red Hot Chili Peppers CD and TShirt were delivered!!!
Soooooooo stoked
Unlimited Love in the house!

At 11am MC was at 22 Aquarius which is square my Mars!!!
Cannot wait to go to work today and come home and finally listen to the whole cd all at once.....from beginning to end! Endings are new beginnings too, so I will probably listen over and over.

I preordered this back in March and have been looking forward to it getting here.

[Jim Eshelman]

Hot hot hott Mars!

[Veronica]

oh boy, I have gotten a huge response to my shirt from co workers and customers!

I really like my Mars getting all red hot about good things!! Yes I do:)

[Veronica]

At 2:52pm I had a phone conversation with my dad in which he told me that several days ago he decided he wasnt moving.

I really felt like sobbing my soul out. I again felt smashed to ground that my father will go out of his way to help anybody and everyone but me.

So I guess we are not moving unless my landlord evicts us.

I'm getting everything in writing from now on. If I dont get a binding contractual agreement from anyone who wants me to do something for them, I'm not giving it my energy. I'm tired of Neptunian dreams that are just lip service from people who have no intention or capabilities of following through with what they start. good intentions or not.

[mikestar13]

Time to temper Neptunian dreams was some Pluto/Mars gritty reality. You have it in you. It may feel conflicting at first, but you will be comfortable with it when you are used to it. As they say on the street "O promise me but put it in writing". I believe the nearest biblical equivalent is "be gentle as doves but wise as serpents." If you haven't already, pin down whether Dad is outright refusing to move or just expressing intense dislike of the idea but will eventually go along if you insist. His "ain't gonna" may or may not be just an emphatic "don't wanna". In any event, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Veronica]

Thank you Mike

I appreciate your thoughts.

What appears to have happened is that my dad put on a different story about what he wanted, what his plans were, and how he wanted things to unfold, to everyone.
And all those different stories converged and contrasted and my other relatives were not happy with the situations all that they are. It's just more of his hard core moon stuff that he does and I was bedazzled by his charm and charisma.

I'd honestly love to stay right here. The tile flooring is just amazing sounding and makes me want to sing and dance. His house is not at all nice and kept up like this one either.

I'm going to just follow my mothers advice and keep moving forward, minute by minute, day by day focusing on my responsibilities and things I can control.

My convection oven malfunctioned and electrocuted/burned/charred my right pointer finger tonight at 7 :02 pm. I've never had that happen before and it was horrible and still hurts very bad.

I think that my lunar return that is in just a few days is setting up. I had looked at it last week and wondered what sort of time it would be. I had hoped to do a lot of vigorous spring cleaning and take advantage of the Angular Saturn and Mars. It looked like a severe return.

[Veronica]

Sometimes I forget that I was a teenage run away.
I forget that 3 times I literally ran out of my fathers house in tears feeling unwanted, unwelcome and unloved.
I forget that in 1988 I moved out in my Senior year of high school and finished school on my own unsupported by any of my family except my sister Karen and brother Mike.

Last Thursday when I visited my dad he reminded me of "What an asshat I was to him and all the trouble and embarrassment I was"
I simply replied back that I was going through a lot, and thanked him for trying to understand.

Another thing though did happen to me as well in the fall of 1988. I met a boy from another city who gave me a book, a book he didnt understand but he thought I would.
I remember reading that book and I remember how it felt like home, and each and everyday I still remember that book and the kindness of that boy.

I felt like running away yesterday when I hung up the phone with dad. I wanted to just go and go and go and never look back.

It feels like I am a huge cluster of the ripest grapes, just filled to the total max with feelings, love, sadness, hope, grief...everything pushed to the fulfillment and just about to pop and gush. I've lived here for 50some years now with all these planets and luminaries on the angle and well, Honestly, I would love to find a little town where my venus is on the MC, and everything else is not so much.

There is a nice place between San Francisco and Los Angels that I visited as a child and loved. I think at least out there they know how to make wine outta grapes, NY seems to turn grapes into vinegar.

[Jim Eshelman]

There is a nice place between San Francisco and Los Angels that I visited as a child and loved. I think at least out there they know how to make wine outta grapes, NY seems to turn grapes into vinegar.

There's almost non-stop beautiful between LA and SF along the California central coast from Santa Barbara to Monterey and beyond.

And yes, they definitely know how to make wine from grapes

I still think the most magical spot for you could be that area in Pennsylvania I found where your Jupiter and Pluto lines cross.

As for your father, it's quite clear - from your chart and from knowing you - that you're never going to be the well-behaved little girl that fits the story in his head. That's aside from you having Pluto on Nadir where it both shows you striking your own path personally and shows Pluto experiences with parents (especially father). I wrote a piece on the astrology of our experiences of parents and formative environment here:
viewtopic.php?f=10&t=4847#p36324

[Jim Eshelman]

BTW, what might be the most surreal place on Earth for you uniquely - a place where the most out-of-this-world energies converge - is not far from you, about halfway between Rochester and Niagra. The closest spot I can find for it is in the tiny spot called Millville, NY immediately east of Medina. If your birth time is exact, then this is a spot where, simultaneously, you have Pluto square Asc and Neptune square MC 0°00'.