Lack of faith in human society and civilization

[Demoblaster]

Hello there, here is my birth data:

Birth date: 22/07/1987
Birth time: 1:10 am
Birth place: Międzyrzecz, Lubuskie, Poland
Source: Birth Certificate
Current residence: mostly Zurich, Switzerland

Long story short - I think I am gradually becoming 'brainless' or like a robot. I managed to achieve higher education in my chosen field along with a PhD, but along with that I progressively lost faith in human relations, in social organization (including family as a structural idea) and culture. I have experienced numerous issues in my life so far, and last year I lost two important persons in my life, forcing me to redefine my outlooks towards pretty much everything. Even animals, one of my fascinations and hobbies since early childhood, lost their glimmer, and now I am just interested in sleeping and nature 'as it is', without any consciousness or intelligent beings. I do continue my career in some ways but I feel very empty and exhausted.

Are there any clues in my chart? I am just curious about astrological interpretations, I am neither overly for nor against astrologies.

Cheers everyone.

[Jim Eshelman]

Greetings, Demoblaster, and welcome to Solunars.

I didn't need your chart to tell me that you're seriously depressed. Unless you have a history of this earlier in life, it's likely temporary and situational due to the two deaths close to you last year. You're grieving, maybe grieving ineffectively (or maybe these people were really close to you and you just need a lot of time).

From your birth chart, we definitely see a vulnerability to depression. More broadly, you feel things very strongly. You are primarily lunar in temperament: Your Sun is in Cancer and your Moon in Taurus (both Moon-themed signs) but, more importantly, Moon was rising in the east exactly, the minute you were born. Furthermore, your Moon is exactly opposite Saturn, which is the vulnerability to depression I mentioned.

Lunar types, from the cradle, are naturally empathetic, connecting, and quickly responsive to others' moods and happiness. As a consequence, most (especially men) shut this down in self-protection and seem, on first impression, to be primarily intellectual. I don't know whether you did that, but I do know that you are vulnerable to being blindsided by strong waves of emotion. Everything you described about your distance from humanity, your living an increasingly soulless life, sounds like you simply had to back far, far away from feeling and connection for a while - especially from feeling the way you were feeling. (And, of course, also the sense of being let down or betrayed by how the world is put together.)

Current astrological patterns intensify the impact right now. Transiting Pluto is opposite your Sun this year and next. This is life-changing. It marks a time (about two years) when our sense of identity and purpose is challenged and reformed. I'm certain you'll find new direction during these two years. It's natural that, for a time, you'd isolate yourself from others.

Additionally, I suspect you wrote to us now because a lot of these emotions have come to a head. Last month and this month, your progressed Moon squares your natal Moon-Saturn. This lasts about two months (a month building then a month tapering) and you're past the Saturn peak (depth of loss) and more in the lunar part (stronger feelings hitting you). This should ease over the next two or three weeks.

Overall, Zurich is a positive place for you to live (your Jupiter is strong there). However, if you were there for your birthday last year, it brought your Moon-Saturn exactly to the forefront in your "birthday chart" (solar return) which describes the main character of a year. This intensifies the impact of the loss and grief. Your next solar return (your birthday this year) emphasizes Pluto's transit to your Sun and Jupiter. This might have the feel of a crisis, certainly of a crossroads.

My best advice to you is twofold. First, you need to get treatment for your depression. Depression can be effectively treated in several ways, and (besides the immediate, obvious benefit) reaching out for treatment will also help reconnect you safely to your humanity. Second, please understand that this Pluto transit (this year and next year) is a very special time in your life, a time that closes some chapters while opening a new direction and sense of yourself. Consciously embrace this reformation and redirection. Move into it rather than away from it. You'll remember this crossroads the rest of your life.