Single for over a decade. Will that ever change?

[Tilly84]

Howdy!

As the title states, I have been single for over a decade - since 2012 to be exact and I’m honestly not sure why. I even relocated for a job, in hopes my luck would change, but still nothing. I've always wanted a family, but starting to think that perhaps it's not meant to be for me?

DOB: February 16, 1984
Location of Birth: Bellflower, CA
Time of Birth: 8:59 PM

Any insight would be appreciated. Thank you!

[Jim Eshelman]

As the title states, I have been single for over a decade - since 2012 to be exact and I’m honestly not sure why. I even relocated for a job, in hopes my luck would change, but still nothing. I've always wanted a family, but starting to think that perhaps it's not meant to be for me?

Tilly, welcome to Solunars.

In case it becomes relevant as we go (it probably), where do you liven now?

Nothing in your chart prevents a long-term, loving relationship or a family, though it does show that you are probably pretty independent, not overly troubled with solitude, and a bit cantankerous. Is this a fair assessment? For example, the Aquarius Sun and close Venus-Pluto square can be a little impersonal. Venus aspecting both Pluto and Uranus can be pretty independent, preferring freedom over commitment if it comes down to making a choice. Mars conjunct Saturn can be controlling and combative, and with the conjunction in Libra this is likely to come through in close relationships.

Are these fair assessments? Our character is our destiny, so I want to make sure we're on the right track regarding your temperament.

I'll zero in a bit in follow-up posts, but first wanted to find out where you are living now and whether these basic first impressions are right.

[Jim Eshelman]

Venus is the planet of marriage. Yours is moderately strong, meaning (if all other things were equal) an average intensity of your desire to affiliate with others and form love relationships. Venus closely aspects Pluto and Uranus, so you do need your independence and one path that fulfills this is to remain solitary. Venus-Pluto, in particular, rejects other people's rules about love and sex and usually has (what other people call) unconventional relationships. The aspect can be socially distant though usually because of not taking to social {bs}. Bottom line is that it either wants all relationship or no relationship, given a choice: I call it "go cosmic or go home."

Venus is in Capricorn. Of the many details of this placement, it suggests that you are dutiful and responsible, looking for someone or something to which you can give dedication. Once married, they tend to be tenacious and committed but may still seem to others to be solitary or alone within their marriage. Close relationships tend to have father themes - either wanting to be a father to the other person or find a father-surrogate in the other person. (More generally, early daddy dynamics tend to continue into adult life and strongly impact adult love relationships somehow.) They are known for being beasts in bed.


Moon is in Leo, most powerfully opposite Sun but secondarily in mild aspects to Neptune, Pluto, and Jupiter. The double-solar impact on Moon from Leo placement and Sun aspect is energetic and ardent. Sexual desire is usually strong and tends to be narcissistic, intertwined with vanity. You should read the Moon in Leo section of this forum (under constellation interpretations) for a more complete picture but, for the current question, the placement is good for upbeat, strong relationships provided you get enough recognition (i.e., you are seen and acknowledged clearly by your partner).


As an Aquarian, Uranus is stronger than Neptune. (After Sun and Moon, it's your strongest planetary energy.) This requires independence. You may get a better idea of this from reading the Sun in Aquarius interpretation but, in simple terms, it mean that to be happy in your life you either need freedom IN close relationship or freedom FROM close relationship. It would probably be pretty hard for you to compromise on this point.


Mars in Libra can have a significant impact on marriage, and the fact that your Mars-Saturn conjunction is in Libra makes this even more relevant. By itself, Mars-Saturn means struggle, survival, and domination themes are strong - your life has probably been marked either by struggling against things or struggling for things. In Libra, a sense of hardened, tough, survival-mindedness comes through not just in your general character but in relationships in particular.

Here's what I think is most relevant here, in understanding your relationship to relationship: Mars in Libra usually wants marriage very much without "losing themselves" in it. The Mars in us and the Libra in us simply want different things, with Mars wanting to retain strong ego-distinction. Marital conflicts are more common: Women r-port severe experiences in marriage and usually do not tolerate it long. Men either experience this less or simply do not talk about it. The key is similar to what has been discussed above, finding the right balance between personal independence and ego-assertion on one hand vs. closeness, connection, and commitment on the other hand.

[Jim Eshelman]

You said you wanted a family, which I take to mean you want children. Venus and Sun, supported by Moon, are primary indicators of the desire to have children and how one approaches the role of parent. Venus, as already mentioned is of average intensity (meaning, we would expect the typical desire most people have for this). Sun and Moon are more weakly placed but, by their exact opposition, are much stronger. I would summarize that as "typical desire to have children."

Possibly Venus in Capricorn enhances this a bit because of its natural tendency to care for and be responsible for others.

I would not say, though, that you have an unusually strong desire to "baby" (pamper) others. Your somewhat aloof manner and personal values for independence probably expect others (even very small others) to look after themselves as much as possible. I don't see an overly strong desire to have a flock or full nest - the issue is more one of wanting to be responsible for someone and the solar-Leo themes of wanting to be part of something continuing through generations (some sort of posterity).

Aquarius Sun typically has a strong devotion to their children that - given Aquarius' greater independence streak - seems to come from a communal instinct. There is, though, a tendency to see others dispassionately, taking others (including intimate others) as they are, almost in an anti-nepotism way.

You are most likely to have mostly daughters, though of course we have to consider your partner's chart to assess whether the odds are modified.

[Tilly84]

Thanks for the warm welcome Jim!

I would say your assessment of my personality is pretty spot on! I am independent (latch key, only child here!) and to be honest, I think the only reason I’ve been caring so much about marriage, etc. is simply because I’ve been single for 10 years now and not necessarily by choice to be honest. I find that in the last decade I only seem to attract Aries men (funny because Aries is in my 7th house) but they usually are non committal and enjoy being playboy types, at least in my experience.
Interesting that you brought up Daddy issues as well; I did not have a relationship with my Dad growing up and I’m sure it absolutely effected me. That’s also one of the reasons I am so attracted to Aries as well; I usually feel safe with them and they take charge. I am shocked to hear that I have Mars in libra though - I’ve always thought my Mars was in Scorpio - interesting! I have a lot more research to do.

Thank you also for recommending what I should read up on as well. I’ve been interested in astrology since my Saturn Return and I’m still very much learning!

[Jim Eshelman]

I am shocked to hear that I have Mars in libra though - I’ve always thought my Mars was in Scorpio - interesting! I have a lot more research to do.

You know that this is a site for Sidereal astrology, right? Here are your natal positions:

Mo 5Le46
Su 3Aq12
Me 17Cp54
Ve 3Cp 2
Ma 22Li42
Ju 11Sg10
Sa 21Li49
Ur 18Sc39
Ne 6Sg21
Pl 7Li34
MC 17Ge27
As 16Vi27

Some links:
Sun in Aquarius: viewtopic.php?f=13&t=35#p165
Moon in Leo: viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34#p146
Mars in Libra: viewtopic.php?f=13&t=32#p121

[SteveS]

Tilly 84 wrote:

I’ve been interested in astrology since my Saturn Return and I’m still very much learning!

Believe me I understand Tilly, the exact same life incident happened to me Tilly, and I have been learning astrology since that first Saturn Return. But the real learning did not start with me till I discovered Sidereal Astrology after 12 years of studying Tropical astrology. BTW, welcome to the forum Tilly 84. What astrologer program are you using?

[Tilly84]

I am shocked to hear that I have Mars in libra though - I’ve always thought my Mars was in Scorpio - interesting! I have a lot more research to do.

You know that this is a site for Sidereal astrology, right? Here are your natal positions:

Mo 5Le46
Su 3Aq12
Me 17Cp54
Ve 3Cp 2
Ma 22Li42
Ju 11Sg10
Sa 21Li49
Ur 18Sc39
Ne 6Sg21
Pl 7Li34
MC 17Ge27
As 16Vi27

Some links:
Sun in Aquarius: viewtopic.php?f=13&t=35#p165
Moon in Leo: viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34#p146
Mars in Libra: viewtopic.php?f=13&t=32#p121

Good morning Jim!

Sorry about that; yes, I'm aware this site is for sidereal. I've just studied tropical more, so I just spoke too soon! Interesting because I have learned that sidereal can be much more accurate re predictions than tropical, which focuses more on personality. But I could be wrong! I am however very much interested in learning more in re to sidereal.

Thank you for sending some learning links my way!

I also forgot to mention, I currently live in HTX, BUT by next September, I may either be living in NY, CHI or St Louis. Reason being that I am currently studying for law school and I hope to be in one of those areas. I could possibly still be in the south, but I would love to get out and experience a new region for myself.

[Tilly84]

Tilly 84 wrote:

I’ve been interested in astrology since my Saturn Return and I’m still very much learning!

Believe me I understand Tilly, the exact same life incident happened to me Tilly, and I have been learning astrology since that first Saturn Return. But the real learning did not start with me till I discovered Sidereal Astrology after 12 years of studying Tropical astrology. BTW, welcome to the forum Tilly 84. What astrologer program are you using?

Hi Steve, good morning!

This is great to hear! I've mostly focused on tropical astrology, so I'm excited to delve more into Sidereal. TBH, I'm not using any astrology program - unless you consider sites like astroseek, or apps like astromastrix, which I doubt lol. I've always just simply discovered that my Venus was in Cap/4th house for example (tropical) and then researched. But if you have any reccomendations on programs I should use, I would very much appreciate it.

[Jim Eshelman]

Interesting because I have learned that sidereal can be much more accurate re predictions than tropical, which focuses more on personality. But I could be wrong!

LOL, I've been fighting that misperception all my life so I'm not surprised you picked it up. - There is probably no astrologer more psychologically oriented as I am (though there are many you are JUST AS psychologically oriented). There is no real line behind character and destiny. This point of view is spread around the site in various ways.

Really, all I've ever wanted out of astrology is the equivalent of the biggest, best psychological profile in existence - and, hey, isn't it cool that it predicts stuff too <g>. I think this bifurcated idea came when enough Tropical astrologers found that they couldn't keep ignoring the predictive power of Sidereal methods but wanted to hold onto the illusion that the Tropical zodiac and their historic methods had merit. Also, unless you knew exactly who and where to read, early Sidereal astrologers weren't very good at communicating the importance of understanding character: They were busy communicating about the astounding prediction methods.

Also, people commonly mistake Sidereal astrology for Hindu ("Vedic") astrology, which is almost entirely prediction-driven and pays little attention to character.

[SteveS]

Tilly84 wrote:

…so I'm excited to delve more into Sidereal. TBH, I'm not using any astrology program –

This forum has access to a free astrological program (TMSA) you can download which Jim knows like the back of his hand, but I don’t; however, the author of the program is no longer an active forum member. He was not able to finish everything. Both Jim and I use Solarfire, it is expensive (300 $). I would only recommend getting Solarfire if you have the luxury of time to devote to a serious study of Sidereal Astrology. My first step in beginning my serious study of Sidereal Astrology was learning how to calculate all the various charts. I am retire and have plenty of time to offer you or anyone detailed instructions for Solarfire’s various chart functions, and Jim is better with SF than me.