Based on my birth chart, am I more likely to find love or less so?

[rcooke13]

I'm 33 and still cannot find love. I don't want kids but I want marriage. None of my past "relationships" ever worked out and they weren't healthy either. The past few years I feel like I've gotten close with the quality of men and still no cigar. The most recent one I was hoping to date was a man in Baton Rouge who was an (sidereal) Aquarius sun and cancer moon and venus in aries and it looked like it would be something long-term because he talked a great game and pursued me hard at first, but never met me and always had an excuse, so I cut him off. It's always sidereal Aquarius sun men that I fall for and it never works. I keep reading online of people in happy relationships who talk about the moon sign of the other person and how much they love their moon sign. I know my capricorn moon might be tough to deal with, but I thought it would be good for a cancer moon and still, nothing. Am I not finding anyone who will be with me longterm because of my difficult capricorn moon? It's not fun enough or attractive to people? But being a sag stellium, I think I'm fun. Is it the saturn conjunct mars transit I'm currently in that is stopping things from happening? Should I just pause daring until it ends next April? I will be flying to LA on my birthday to get next year's solar return so I hope next year I can be successful at dating finally, after April when the transit ends. But do you see anything else in my chart that indicates whether or not I'll find love or not, and how long before now? And why that is?

I understand personality and compatibility is also a factor, but I am in fact kind and understanding in real life, so it isn't like I have a bad personality and I am asking about mainly astrology.

[SteveS]

Hi rcooke13, I don't know exactly what is getting ready to happen in your life within the next year, but you have what will probably manifest as a “once in a lifetime” most benefic event with your Solar Arc Natal Jupiter 11,20 Can coming to an exact conjunction to your Natal MC 12,20 Cancer and exact 180 to your Natal Sun 12,24 Cap. This is backed-up with your Natal Solar Arc Uranus 16,28 Cap coming to an exact conjunction to your Natal Moon 17,37 Cap next year. The next year by Solar Arc directions promises to be an exciting benefic time in your life. Keep us informed. Where will be your residence on your next birthday?

Based on your birth chart, I see no symbolic stuff which would indicate you less likely to find love.

[Jim Eshelman]

Your chart does suggest some challenges in the area of romance. That means it's going to be mostly a matter of timing, though you can take an active hand in it. You have a couple of chart factors that routinely show as difficulty in love. This doesn't mean love problems are fated, though - it's a matter of understanding your character and making choices.

Which means, your way of thinking about this is mostly all correct - not exactly correct on the astrology side, but entirely correct in terms of taking charge of this, since you already are thinking in terms of timing, character, and choices.

So, regarding the astrology...

The strongest indication is your Venus-Saturn conjunction. This is often interpreted "trouble in love," though (again) this isn't a fated matter. Second, your Sun and Moon are both in Capricorn, which has a particular caution in romance. (I'll go into detail on Venus-Saturn and Capricorn in a minute.) Third, you have a strong Sun-Moon conjunction which is neutral-to-excellent on finding a mate (your outer world mirroring your inner world where the solar and lunar parts of your being are already in balanced union).

There are lesser factors, too. For example, in addition to the Capricorn luminaries you have Neptune background and not particularly connected to the rest of the chart (except Mercury), so you are more of a practical realist than a romantic - you are not the kind of person who adores getting lost submerged into someone else who is enchanting you. This is neither for or against long-term relationships, though it does say something about how you tend to be in relationship - how you come across, what choices you make, etc.

Finally, living in NOLO you have Venus exactly angular. I suspect that love means more to you living here than when you are in other places, and your long-term chances are probably a lot better than in less Venussy places. This does, of course, bring your Venus-Saturn more to the fore (one notices disappointment in love more when one wants it more, right?). Since your stated goal is long-term commitment (marriage), that makes Saturn more your friend since it ties your love needs (Venus) to perseverance and longevity.

Saturn tends to be hard on the young and benefactor of the mature.

So, let's dive into Venus-Saturn and your Capricorn luminaries. Both of these are strong Saturn themes. Fundamentally, Saturn represents the survival instincts. Tied to your Venus, it means that your love nature is naturally wrapped up with the survival instinct - caution and self-preservation reflexes not being too far away. With your luminaries in Capricorn, it means that the survival or self-preservation instincts are quite strong in your character.

Let me describe what I think are the patterns usually seen in each of these. This will suggest practical steps.

Venus-Saturn has a really bad reputation in romance, and then gets praise for dedication and devotion. You probably instinctively think of love as work - both a strength (you are willing to put the work into a relationship) and a weakness (others, more focused on fun, may think it takes too much work). This has all sorts of forms, such as work and duty giving pleasure, delaying ordinary pleasure for responsibilities, or caretaking. Usually there is a father aspect - certainly the parents' relationship, and particularly one's experience of one's father (and father figures), strongly influences one's feelings and decisions about men as an adult.

There is more - but perhaps the simplest thing to say is that the paternal history is really important and that caution, protection, survival, duty, devotion, and certainty become increasingly important in love matters as one matures. I suspect what you called unhealthy aspects of past relationships somehow reflects your parents' relationship (as you experienced it).

Luminaries in Capricorn extends some of these traits. The most common form I see is that Capricorns are cautious in committing to relationships: They test people, perhaps because there is an expectation that someone ultimately will let them down or betray them. It's the safety and security thing: Caps seem, to me, to pick a partner the way they'd buy a car, kicking the tires and seeing how hard they can push it. The goal seems to be to give someone every possible chance and reason to leave them (and perhaps then feel vindicated that they were right - the person didn't pass the test). Then, if the person DOES pass the test, Capricorn grabs on hard and doesn't let go.

Does any of this sound familiar or seem to fit?

You may give off an aloof air. I'm not sure. Capricorn can be a lot of fun (don't short-change the idea of fun and the sign of the satyr) and you may seem pulled back. (I don't know for sure since I don't know you - I'm just going by what I see in perhaps 80% of Capricorns.) Capricorn seems to others ready for fun and not necessarily available for commitment (even when commitment is what they really want). Several women have told me they'd rather they'd rather have an affair with a Capricorn man than marry one because they're entirely good for fun and don't seem to offer the warmth and depth they would want in a husband. Even your Venus in Sagittarius (Venus in any of the Imperial or 'fire' signs) often has as distant air, does not always communicate their emotional availability very well.

This doesn't mean you aren't warm or don't want closeness. It might mean (if you are like the majority of people with Venus-Saturn aspects or Capricorn luminaries) that people see you this way.

Does that match feedback you've gotten or how you've seen others react to you?

Capricorn can be utterly charming, entertaining, wonderful to be around btw. The Moon here especially can be playful and mischievous.

Again, with Capricorn Sun, the impact of father is usually quite strong. With Capricorn Moon, both father and mother have strong impact on forming adult relationship patterns.

Sun conjunct Moon is one of your best aspects and, for the present topic, goes along with "ell-formed intimate partnerships."

BTW, you made a good choice in that Cancer Moon. (It sounds like you enjoyed him and it almost worked.) Both your Capricorn Sun and Moon are going to (on average) relate exceptionally well to Capricorn and Cancer Moons. I notice you said that YOU cut off the relationship because he didn't meet what you wanted - without knowing the details, I suspect this was a version of someone not passing a Capricorn's test. (BTW, adjacent Sun signs, like Aquarius and Capricorn, often are hard unless strong aspects overcome the weakness because the people never exactly "see" each other. I'm curious what you especially like about Aquarians. They aren't necessarily good spouse material, tend to be impersonal even though they can be terribly fascinating.)

Finally, since some recent relationships have been closer to "right" than in the past, you do seem to be moving in the right direction. I think you and Steve are both right that upcoming charts set you up for better results. Go for the solar return, etc., keep enjoying life, and see where it takes you. You aren't cursed to never have love - if anything, you are more wired to find permanent partnership later in life. (You don't want kids, so time isn't your enemy here.) As I write this last paragraph, the line that keeps going through my mind is that you may have to stop looking in order to find what you want. Maybe that's so; and I don't think, in the meantime, you should withdraw or stop having fun.

[rcooke13]

Hi rcooke13, I don't know exactly what is getting ready to happen in your life within the next year, but you have what will probably manifest as a “once in a lifetime” most benefic event with your Solar Arc Natal Jupiter 11,20 Can coming to an exact conjunction to your Natal MC 12,20 Cancer and exact 180 to your Natal Sun 12,24 Cap. This is backed-up with your Natal Solar Arc Uranus 16,28 Cap coming to an exact conjunction to your Natal Moon 17,37 Cap next year. The next year by Solar Arc directions promises to be an exciting benefic time in your life. Keep us informed. Where will be your residence on your next birthday?

Based on your birth chart, I see no symbolic stuff which would indicate you less likely to find love.

That's really exciting to hear. Is this benefic aspect happening for most of next year, or a particular day or month next year? That way I can make sure I am out as much as possible when it is happening.

I'm flying to Los Angeles for my birthday. Jim suggested it because I have venus and uranus on my angles.

[rcooke13]

Your chart does suggest some challenges in the area of romance. That means it's going to be mostly a matter of timing, though you can take an active hand in it. You have a couple of chart factors that routinely show as difficulty in love. This doesn't mean love problems are fated, though - it's a matter of understanding your character and making choices.

Which means, your way of thinking about this is mostly all correct - not exactly correct on the astrology side, but entirely correct in terms of taking charge of this, since you already are thinking in terms of timing, character, and choices.

So, regarding the astrology...

The strongest indication is your Venus-Saturn conjunction. This is often interpreted "trouble in love," though (again) this isn't a fated matter. Second, your Sun and Moon are both in Capricorn, which has a particular caution in romance. (I'll go into detail on Venus-Saturn and Capricorn in a minute.) Third, you have a strong Sun-Moon conjunction which is neutral-to-excellent on finding a mate (your outer world mirroring your inner world where the solar and lunar parts of your being are already in balanced union).

There are lesser factors, too. For example, in addition to the Capricorn luminaries you have Neptune background and not particularly connected to the rest of the chart (except Mercury), so you are more of a practical realist than a romantic - you are not the kind of person who adores getting lost submerged into someone else who is enchanting you. This is neither for or against long-term relationships, though it does say something about how you tend to be in relationship - how you come across, what choices you make, etc.

Finally, living in NOLO you have Venus exactly angular. I suspect that love means more to you living here than when you are in other places, and your long-term chances are probably a lot better than in less Venussy places. This does, of course, bring your Venus-Saturn more to the fore (one notices disappointment in love more when one wants it more, right?). Since your stated goal is long-term commitment (marriage), that makes Saturn more your friend since it ties your love needs (Venus) to perseverance and longevity.

Saturn tends to be hard on the young and benefactor of the mature.

So, let's dive into Venus-Saturn and your Capricorn luminaries. Both of these are strong Saturn themes. Fundamentally, Saturn represents the survival instincts. Tied to your Venus, it means that your love nature is naturally wrapped up with the survival instinct - caution and self-preservation reflexes not being too far away. With your luminaries in Capricorn, it means that the survival or self-preservation instincts are quite strong in your character.

Let me describe what I think are the patterns usually seen in each of these. This will suggest practical steps.

Venus-Saturn has a really bad reputation in romance, and then gets praise for dedication and devotion. You probably instinctively think of love as work - both a strength (you are willing to put the work into a relationship) and a weakness (others, more focused on fun, may think it takes too much work). This has all sorts of forms, such as work and duty giving pleasure, delaying ordinary pleasure for responsibilities, or caretaking. Usually there is a father aspect - certainly the parents' relationship, and particularly one's experience of one's father (and father figures), strongly influences one's feelings and decisions about men as an adult.

There is more - but perhaps the simplest thing to say is that the paternal history is really important and that caution, protection, survival, duty, devotion, and certainty become increasingly important in love matters as one matures. I suspect what you called unhealthy aspects of past relationships somehow reflects your parents' relationship (as you experienced it).

Luminaries in Capricorn extends some of these traits. The most common form I see is that Capricorns are cautious in committing to relationships: They test people, perhaps because there is an expectation that someone ultimately will let them down or betray them. It's the safety and security thing: Caps seem, to me, to pick a partner the way they'd buy a car, kicking the tires and seeing how hard they can push it. The goal seems to be to give someone every possible chance and reason to leave them (and perhaps then feel vindicated that they were right - the person didn't pass the test). Then, if the person DOES pass the test, Capricorn grabs on hard and doesn't let go.

Does any of this sound familiar or seem to fit?

You may give off an aloof air. I'm not sure. Capricorn can be a lot of fun (don't short-change the idea of fun and the sign of the satyr) and you may seem pulled back. (I don't know for sure since I don't know you - I'm just going by what I see in perhaps 80% of Capricorns.) Capricorn seems to others ready for fun and not necessarily available for commitment (even when commitment is what they really want). Several women have told me they'd rather they'd rather have an affair with a Capricorn man than marry one because they're entirely good for fun and don't seem to offer the warmth and depth they would want in a husband. Even your Venus in Sagittarius (Venus in any of the Imperial or 'fire' signs) often has as distant air, does not always communicate their emotional availability very well.

This doesn't mean you aren't warm or don't want closeness. It might mean (if you are like the majority of people with Venus-Saturn aspects or Capricorn luminaries) that people see you this way.

Does that match feedback you've gotten or how you've seen others react to you?

Capricorn can be utterly charming, entertaining, wonderful to be around btw. The Moon here especially can be playful and mischievous.

Again, with Capricorn Sun, the impact of father is usually quite strong. With Capricorn Moon, both father and mother have strong impact on forming adult relationship patterns.

Sun conjunct Moon is one of your best aspects and, for the present topic, goes along with "ell-formed intimate partnerships."

BTW, you made a good choice in that Cancer Moon. (It sounds like you enjoyed him and it almost worked.) Both your Capricorn Sun and Moon are going to (on average) relate exceptionally well to Capricorn and Cancer Moons. I notice you said that YOU cut off the relationship because he didn't meet what you wanted - without knowing the details, I suspect this was a version of someone not passing a Capricorn's test. (BTW, adjacent Sun signs, like Aquarius and Capricorn, often are hard unless strong aspects overcome the weakness because the people never exactly "see" each other. I'm curious what you especially like about Aquarians. They aren't necessarily good spouse material, tend to be impersonal even though they can be terribly fascinating.)

Finally, since some recent relationships have been closer to "right" than in the past, you do seem to be moving in the right direction. I think you and Steve are both right that upcoming charts set you up for better results. Go for the solar return, etc., keep enjoying life, and see where it takes you. You aren't cursed to never have love - if anything, you are more wired to find permanent partnership later in life. (You don't want kids, so time isn't your enemy here.) As I write this last paragraph, the line that keeps going through my mind is that you may have to stop looking in order to find what you want. Maybe that's so; and I don't think, in the meantime, you should withdraw or stop having fun.

Yes, what you said is very accurate for me. I am very much about survival and self-preservation, and I look at building relationships in this same way, just like building and surviving in life and career. For example, the cancer moon man, due to the way he operated with me (rushing love but not meeting me) and how he talked about his prior attempts with other women (impulsive and rushing love), I had my guard up. He rescheduled the first date with a seemingly legit excuse that I cannot prove, after he came back to me saying he wanted to pursue something serious with me. He set the day but no other details, just like the first "date". Then he rescheduled the second date again, the day before, saying the reason (related to the seemingly legit excuse but I can't prove it's not a lie). My intuition says he is just being lazy and is not really interested, or has another woman. I am not interested in continuing contact with him because I am just waiting around for him, thinking about him, while he does not communicate with me or keep his promises, but only saying a little, just enough to keep me on a leash. No thanks. After he rescheduled a second time I told him I understand, I hope your life gets better but that I don't want to continue and now it's done. I was upset inside but also like, "it figures". Unreliable, can't be trusted, questionable, flakes, selfish, yep I need to leave aquarius men alone. I ended it to preserve myself, to protect myself, cause I knew continuing the way we were was nothing but me being in pain in silence waiting for something from him, so I cut that off for good so I can be at peace. So you are definitely right about my caution and preservation. We almost worked, yep. And maybe even could've gotten married if he passed the test (lol)!

I thought it was pisces men that I loved before I found out about sidereal astrology. What i thought were pisces men turned out to be aquarius men, I was shocked. They always seem soft, gentle, less dominate, and in touch with their emotions, sensitive and dreamy, quiet and mysterious, and need saving (lol). I always fell for those kinds of men. But I can never be with them because they are not solid or reliable in love and aren't faithful. Can't trust them. I also have stopped dating men who need saving.

Well hopefully I can meet another cancer moon then...

I do think of love as work. I want to have fun, but I always worry instead and can never relax and let things be without me knowing what will come of it, if it will be safe and lead to something real. I'd rather be single cause at least that's when I'm at peace. Cause dating makes me feel unpleasant emotions (overthinking, worry, stress, fear, etc). I guess they do pick up on it and maybe I sabotage it too. But I don't really want to change my weeding process...I wish I could relax and just go with the flow. But I don't try to make people leave me, I think I treat men well. But I have standards and don't take bs from them so they may find that not fun. But I think I do give off an aloof air, yes. I see people react that way to me, at jobs and stuff too. I wish I could be myself and get what I want at the same time.

As for being wired to find permanent partnership later, does that mean someone will want to be with me permanently later? Like they'll see my saturn-venus and capricorn traits and want that forever (later)?

[Jim Eshelman]

As for being wired to find permanent partnership later, does that mean someone will want to be with me permanently later? Like they'll see my saturn-venus and capricorn traits and want that forever (later)?

It can work in many ways, including what you describe. Or you may soften or shift your priorities (understanding ideas like security and commitment differently).

You might enjoy reading the description of Sun in Aquarius. "Lazy" is often a fair description, or at least how they come off.
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=35#p165

[rcooke13]

As for being wired to find permanent partnership later, does that mean someone will want to be with me permanently later? Like they'll see my saturn-venus and capricorn traits and want that forever (later)?

It can work in many ways, including what you describe. Or you may soften or shift your priorities (understanding ideas like security and commitment differently).

You might enjoy reading the description of Sun in Aquarius. "Lazy" is often a fair description, or at least how they come off.
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=35#p165

Hopefully I can learn to not care anymore so I can be happier.

I'm reading your summary about Aquarius sun. Another thing I like about them is they are unconventional thinkers, so it is very interesting and stimulating, never boring. I've always liked that. But yeah, they don't seem to be on planet earth with me, so we do miss each other, you're right! It's like the thing I like about them is also the thing that I don't like lol.

Is that why you also feel capricorns and aquarius do not see each other? Because they're on different planets?

Which suns would be better for me in that case?

"Normally unaffected, easy-going, even tired (many have fluctuating energy). "

He does sleep a lot lol.

Selfishness, yep, check.

"Needs privacy. Solitude and alienation mark significant stretches of their lives."

See, he probably rescheduled our dates because he was lazy and wanted to be alone. Well now he is, I hope he likes it. (I know. He does.)

"Resists looking vulnerable or expressing hurt, but privately sensitive, easily hurt, and terribly touchy to being misunderstood or excluded. Often misunderstood through being insufficiently expressive or demonstrative, especially in romance."

Yes!!! Very much him!

"Lives outside conventional society on their own psychological terms, following their own paths. Needs freedom of movement, action, speech. "

The cancer moon man was like this. He is an uber driver and he makes $100k a year but only because he drives 70-80 hours a week. I do not like that, not only because it leaves no time to anything personal-life wise, but it is also not sustainable career. If you have to drive that much to make a living, that is not safe or secure, or good for the long-term, and it would not work for me. We did not see eye-to-eye about. I'd ask him why he has no job and he would say he does have a job and that he makes way more doing it that way than the old, conventional way lol. Still not sustainable. Just one of many reasons why it's best we stay a part. Not like we were together anyway since he never met me.

[Jim Eshelman]

Which suns would be better for me in that case?

That's a hard call. First, what we really need is to do full comparisons of all the planets of the two charts (and their aspects to each other). Second, though, to the extent we can go by signs only, Sun signs that are conjunct, opposite, or square our Moon signs are usually the best BUT in your case (with Sun and Moon in the same sign) that's also Sun to your Sun. Sun-Sun is good in that people tend to have a kind of innate understanding, but bad in that people tend to feel someone is usurping their place in the universe (ego conflicts).

Repeating that full chart comparison can contradict what I'm about to say, the "don't see each other" Sun signs for Capricorn Sun are Gemini-Sagittarius and Leo-Aquarius. You might get some advantage from Taurus and Virgo (and even Scorpio and Pisces) but this is very general and not as reliable. Going with Moon signs is a better guide.

[rcooke13]

Which suns would be better for me in that case?

That's a hard call. First, what we really need is to do full comparisons of all the planets of the two charts (and their aspects to each other). Second, though, to the extent we can go by signs only, Sun signs that are conjunct, opposite, or square our Moon signs are usually the best BUT in your case (with Sun and Moon in the same sign) that's also Sun to your Sun. Sun-Sun is good in that people tend to have a kind of innate understanding, but bad in that people tend to feel someone is usurping their place in the universe (ego conflicts).

Repeating that full chart comparison can contradict what I'm about to say, the "don't see each other" Sun signs for Capricorn Sun are Gemini-Sagittarius and Leo-Aquarius. You might get some advantage from Taurus and Virgo (and even Scorpio and Pisces) but this is very general and not as reliable. Going with Moon signs is a better guide.

That's really interesting that square signs are also a good thing. It's no wonder I get along so well with my sibling who has an (sidereal) Aries moon. You'd think since our moons square, that we'd fight a lot, but we actually get along great. Wow. It makes sense now.

[Jim Eshelman]

Square just means it's a strong aspect. The idea that it's a conflict aspect is false.

[SteveS]

rcooke asked:

Is this benefic aspect happening for most of next year, or a particular day or month next year?

Most of next year, more so for the first half of the year. Your Natal Jupiter Solar Arcs to an exact conjunction of your Natal MC July 6 2024. Most authors who have researched Solar Arcs say to allow for the main theme of a Solar Arc manifestation to fire-off from 6 months before exact aspect to 6 months after exact aspect, with more % for manifestation sometime within 6 months before exact aspect. Probability would suggest sometime between your next birthday and summer of 2024. There could be many different methods of astrological timing for narrowing the time frame down to the day or month when this benefic Solar Arc will fire-off. Keep us informed with 2024 and wishing you the best.

[magicstar]

I'm 33 and still cannot find love. I don't want kids but I want marriage.

Hi Rcooke13,
I hear you. I do have Venus Square Saturn, so I can relate to some of the things you and Jim described above. Most of my relationships turn like a jello that never get to curdle. For example - I was in a long-term relationship for many years with a man that had Moon Opposite Saturn while I am Moon Opposite Jupiter. Of course we were from different planets.

I just want to use this opportunity to really highlight even more the amazing news that Steve brought to your attention regarding having your Solar Arc Natal Jupiter Conjunct yor MC next year. THATS HUGE!!! YOU ARE LUCKY!!! I just recently discovered Solar Arcs and its an amazing tool to track life developments. In your case it feels like the spotlight its going to be on your career, reputation and public persona. Now you have the luxury of knowing this important information ahead of time and plan accordingly. Consider reading the Solar Arc posts included in this forum, which are phenomenal, simply the best! Thats how I got here! I will have my Solar Arc Sun conjunct my Natal Jupiter in around 3 years and I am already making plans Please lets us know how it goes...

[rcooke13]

Square just means it's a strong aspect. The idea that it's a conflict aspect is false.

Does progressed Saturn conjunct mars also delay dating?

Also, does Saturn retrograde lessen the effects of progressed Saturn conjunct mars?

[rcooke13]

Square just means it's a strong aspect. The idea that it's a conflict aspect is false.

Not sure if you saw my question above?

[Jim Eshelman]

Ignore retrograde. Saturn is retro almost a third of the time.

Progressed Saturn to natal Mars will last for years, maybe decades. One outcome is that Mars is suppressed. I wouldn't call this a block on dating but, depending on how you adapt to it, this could block physical aggression including sexual aggression. Similar to transit Saturn to natal Mars but much weaked: Usually something like this is invisible in the life unless another pmanet joins the mix temporarily.

[Jim Eshelman]

Oops, I thought you meant progressed Saturn to natal Mars. You meant to progressed Mars. Yours lasts spring 2021 to spring 2024. I'd expect general struggles, roughness, sense of hardship., willingness to work harder, etc.