I have been thinking about something that Jupiter Sets at Dawn said to me in my synastry thread, about using Craig like a mannequin, and I think I can see now what she is getting at about me.
I have been severely depressed since breaking up with Craig and being all alone and all that, which for my angular Pluto doesn't seem to make much since, because one would think I am ok on my own. but Im not. one of the things I have realized about all my so called friends, is that they are only my friends if *I* am the one going to them, calling the, visiting them, giving up my time and reaching out. it really hurts because I had so many girlfriends in school and in my work places and they all seemed to love my company and we got along great, as long as I was the one calling. so why don't they ever call back, why don't they reach out to me, why is it that if I am the one that says, lets do this on such and such, they are all for it, but yet they never take the initiative with me.
its because Im a dubble hub Aquarius/Scorpio I believe, with an angular Pluto.
one of the things that Craig would always say was that he didn't want to bother me, that he didn't want to interrupt me because I might be busy, that I am with my kids, and that he didn't want to take away from that. I would implore with him, to please just call if he was thinking of me, to reach out, that I was never to busy, and if I was busy at that moment in the shower or going over homework, I would be sure to call him right back.
Ive heard that reason from many many other people, that they didn't want to bother me. I have also heard from many people that I have my life in order, that I don't need anything, and that no matter what life throws at me, I can always deal with it, and still have a smile and a positive outlook, so they never bother to check in on me to see if Im ok, because they assume I am ok, and that I would call if I needed anything or wanted to hang out. I got sad though being the one to always have to make the calls, to always remember birthdays and to invite people over, or invite myself over. I just stopped doing it to see if these BFFs would actually miss me and reach out. but they don't. and it hurts, but I can see why. they think im busy other wise I would be calling or stopping by.
the other thing I thought of was just how Military I actually am, with my Scorpio stellium. its something I never really grasped deeply, but since I have been taking 3-4 hour hikes to destress I realized that many people do not think a 3 hour walk is destressing, in fact to them its work, but for me its like boot camp. last summer when I got mad at Craig for ditching me at a concert I didn't even want to go to, I walked home almost 10 miles in the middle of the night, no problem. I have told him and Eric to pull over and gotten out of the car in an argument and just marched off, taking care of myself. very Scorpio and very Angular Pluto.
I do work hard and I drive myself very hard. I always have. I was a swimmer and a gymnast and a dancer and runner, I did hours of hard work outs and lots of yoga, because I love to use my body and I love the discipline and I love the feeling of being strong and capable. I have often laughed to myself that Craig needs a body guard more then I do, because....well I am a soldier and a warrior at heart and God Bless him he is a double cancer with a great heart and kindness that people try to take advantage of. it make me wanna really get in his associates faces and make them back off and act like men, and I act more like a man then most of his friends, and I know more manly stuff them most men.
though when Jupiter said the mannequin comment, I was like WHAT! but I know know what she is getting at, or at least I think I do. Solidier and men can detach sexually and just go through the motions and the act and not form deep connections, like a mannequin. I have a deep sexual need for sure, but I can only have sex with someone I am strongly physically attracted to, some one who get me hot and bothered and someone who I know can handle me. I know that most men cannot handle me. I can size them up in a heart beat and know that my needs and desires will not be able to be met. that's why I never bothered having sex with all those fools Craig accused me of being with. their little girls, thye cant handle a high powered women like me, and I am not about to let them try. Craig though.....with his Double cancer and mars/sun conjunction was just what I really needed to be able to let myself be sexually satisfied, to be able to relax and not have to be in control, which for me is a huge thing. I do not like not being in control or not being able to do what I want. yet being with him, I didn't care about what I wanted because he always seemed to know just what to say and do and all that. it was so nice to be able to relax and not be on guard, yet it also scares me to put my trust and my life and my kids life in some one else's hands.
I like to play, and I play rough and hard and my favorite play is sex. sex is how I choose to unwind and sex is how I can get through the hard hard days of sadness and pain that this world imprints on my sensitive Moon/Neptune aspect. I read a book years and years ago for a project in a women's literature class. the books was called _The Herstory of Prostitution_. my sister had been a very high class prostitute for a while and it had hurt my family very much. I have never ever done anything like that. I never would. I cant even have one night stands or flings or anything, it just goes against everything I have read about Biology and psychology and spirituality.
the book though talked about how prostitution came to be, how when men would go to war ages and ages and agers ago, have to go against their nature and kill and fight and destroy other human beings, how it hurt them inside, how it is a dehumanizing act...killing, and torture and all that, and the men needed to have a physical outlet for this co-existing contradiction with in them selves, and through the act of having sex with a woman they found solace and peace with in themselves, for if a woman could let them touch her lovingly and enjoy there body and sensations and being with them, in a very real way it reunited that psycholical schism that was formed within after going to war. so the troops would go to war, and bring with them women that they would be able to have sex with and get reunited with their inner feminine qualities, and thus enable them not to go mad after brutally bashing in another human beings skull.
all three men that I have had a realtionship with have had major issues with my sexuality. infact it was my sexuality that was the breaking point in all three. they all felt threatened and insecure and vunerable to my high sex drive and all thought that I *HAD* to be having sex with others, or that they wanted me to have sex with others. I never let my gaurd down with Jason or Eric and I never let them do things to me sexually that they wanted to do, becuase I didnt trust them and I didnt feel safe with them and I didnt think that they really could handle me sexually. the problem I had with Craig was that I enjoyed Sex with him too much. I did feel safe and I did feel like I could let my gaurd down and I did feel like I could let him "play' with me. I just had so much work to do, and so littl etime to really be alone and private with him that it was extremely sexaully frustrating for me. I have often thought if we only had a week alone, with no phone and no other people or work that we really would be able to strongly connect and bond and then he would feel confident and secure in knowing how I feel about him and how he makes me feel safe and happy and conent.
yet it seemed like every weekend when I could finally have a sleep over at his house, everyone was there, stopping by that local party spot. I felt like my needs were not getting taken care of becasue he would choose to answer his phone for another asssociate or businness deal, and something was always coming up that did not allow us to really be a couple and to bond on deep inimate levels then just the superfical levels of brief conversation and late latre night cuddling when I was allready dead tired from being up at 6am.
its very hard for me to be alone now, espicailly since it feels like I am going to be alone forever. I know I am more then a handful and I know most men just want to have a girl that chills out and doesnt bitch and lets them do thier man thing, and they have enough work in the real world then trying to deal with a woman whoes sex drive is super high for being almost 50 and makes them feel insecure that they cant satisfy me or that I will just go hook up with anyone.....even though I wont....my sun square neptune makes them see me as a porn star slut, whihc is fine and dandy for a secret love affair but nothing youd take home to momma, and my dream has always been to be taken home to momma and shown off for the nice, smart, caring peroson that I am on the inside, and not the object they see on the outside.
Veronica
Re: Veronica
Mr.Eshelman,
What makes my eyes twinkle?
Please help me understand what that is and how I can turn it off and on.
That twinkle that starts inside and shines out, when I feel good, is what men see at the gas station or grocery store or library, and follow me home.
There is a man Larry, who I truly know does not want to hurt me, but has been watching me since 1990 when I first worked downtown. He is just one I have seen and i know there are those who stalk better.
Some one was in my new house.
And someone drove through my yard
You have know me longer and better then any man alive save my father and brothers. They say its just my Veronicaness.
It feels like it is what keeps me alive but I cant quite claim it.
Can you?
What makes my eyes twinkle?
Please help me understand what that is and how I can turn it off and on.
That twinkle that starts inside and shines out, when I feel good, is what men see at the gas station or grocery store or library, and follow me home.
There is a man Larry, who I truly know does not want to hurt me, but has been watching me since 1990 when I first worked downtown. He is just one I have seen and i know there are those who stalk better.
Some one was in my new house.
And someone drove through my yard
You have know me longer and better then any man alive save my father and brothers. They say its just my Veronicaness.
It feels like it is what keeps me alive but I cant quite claim it.
Can you?
-
Jim Eshelman
- Are You Sirius?
- Posts: 19078
- Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 12:40 pm
Re: Veronica
You probably wrapped it up in that sentence.It feels like it is what keeps me alive but I cant quite claim it.
I'm on the road this morning and won't be back until midnight or so, so this probably will have to wait until tomorrow when I'm here and fresher. But my first impression is that you let out the essence of what is you and that's incredibly intimate. You're sexy and willing to let that move through your body AND you actually look at people and make eye contact AND you're wholly present behind your eyes.
That combination is rare enough that most heterosexual men will instinctively (not necessarily consciously) take it as you've said Yes to all the questions they haven't even asked yet.
Jim Eshelman
www.jeshelman.com
www.jeshelman.com
Re: Veronica
Enjoy the beautiful day:)
Thank you
After I asked
I felt Hope.
And cried
Its the only thing left in the box
Thank you for understanding and never once trying to squash that Hope that I cling to.
Thank you
After I asked
I felt Hope.
And cried
Its the only thing left in the box
Thank you for understanding and never once trying to squash that Hope that I cling to.
Re: Veronica
I saw that tonight ends 5. 1/2 months of Pluto retrograde.
I dont recall seeing much about retrograde in the threads here.
Is this significant?
With an angular pluto Im hoping for some sort of ease up in my life.
I dont recall seeing much about retrograde in the threads here.
Is this significant?
With an angular pluto Im hoping for some sort of ease up in my life.
-
Jim Eshelman
- Are You Sirius?
- Posts: 19078
- Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 12:40 pm
Re: Veronica
A planet's station is unusually strong, whether turning retrograde or turning direct, especially if it is in partile aspect to one of your planets.
Pluto's station is at 23°45' Sagittarius. This is semi-square your Neptune within 0°05' (and just past 1°, at 1°01', from semi-square your Moon). The Pluto transit to your Neptune should be exceptionally strong for, say, a week centered on today - look it up in the Transits section - and maybe Pluto to your Moon is still operative.
As an experimental or explorational thing, I'll mention that Pluto's station is also within 1° of several midpoints: Sun/Jupiter (58'), Moon/MC (10'), Neptune/MC (18').
Pluto's station is at 23°45' Sagittarius. This is semi-square your Neptune within 0°05' (and just past 1°, at 1°01', from semi-square your Moon). The Pluto transit to your Neptune should be exceptionally strong for, say, a week centered on today - look it up in the Transits section - and maybe Pluto to your Moon is still operative.
As an experimental or explorational thing, I'll mention that Pluto's station is also within 1° of several midpoints: Sun/Jupiter (58'), Moon/MC (10'), Neptune/MC (18').
Jim Eshelman
www.jeshelman.com
www.jeshelman.com
Re: Veronica
PLUTO aspecting Natal NEPTUNE
Biases, prejudices, and illusions are challenged, and personal philosophy renovated in a broad-reaching transformation of your belief system. Your underlying existential views are reformulated now, as you recognize how much you have outgrown your previous models of reality. Interest in mysticism often flowers at such a time. Psychological constructs and attitudes are challenged, perhaps leaving you questioning for a time all previous ideas of what is true. As old veils shimmer and fade, anxiety is best eased by direct confrontation of your emerging new reality. Long buried secrets and personal "skeletons" tend to see the light of day, and appear not nearly so awful as you have long thought. Create your reality anew with enthusiasm and a sense of adventure!
IN BRIEF: Renovation of philosophical and cultural attitudes. Beliefs, biases, prejudices, illusionary attitudes, and personal myths are challenged. Confrontation with a new reality. "
It really is amazing to me how astrology is true.
My subconscious has been feeling this coming and my dreams have been highly reflective of one of my most primal needs.
I think that the action going on at those midpoints also is a strong component in my struggles with life right now and the overwhelming feelings and drives I have.
Ive had three relationships with men.
They hurt me.
I have felt such heartache from trying to relate to them that my eyes can barely shine anymore.
I need to be loved like how a woman can love.
To feel safe and secure and enough.
Most men have no control of thier sexual nature and are always ready willing and looking....
Which oversensitive Veronica takes to heart.
I think its best for me to go back to being a Rainbow Unicorn since i seem to have a bunch of midpoints in Sag. And leave boys alone.
I put all my Trust in The Mother and she never failed me.
Im tired of hearing boys will be boys and MeeToo was my own fault.
Astrology shows the truth and I see the tides turning for Patriarchy and the oppression of the natural feminine.
Im sure that if I am receptive to these currents The Good Mother will gravitate to me all that I truly need and my eyes will be able to sparkle with true hope for mankind again.
Biases, prejudices, and illusions are challenged, and personal philosophy renovated in a broad-reaching transformation of your belief system. Your underlying existential views are reformulated now, as you recognize how much you have outgrown your previous models of reality. Interest in mysticism often flowers at such a time. Psychological constructs and attitudes are challenged, perhaps leaving you questioning for a time all previous ideas of what is true. As old veils shimmer and fade, anxiety is best eased by direct confrontation of your emerging new reality. Long buried secrets and personal "skeletons" tend to see the light of day, and appear not nearly so awful as you have long thought. Create your reality anew with enthusiasm and a sense of adventure!
IN BRIEF: Renovation of philosophical and cultural attitudes. Beliefs, biases, prejudices, illusionary attitudes, and personal myths are challenged. Confrontation with a new reality. "
It really is amazing to me how astrology is true.
My subconscious has been feeling this coming and my dreams have been highly reflective of one of my most primal needs.
I think that the action going on at those midpoints also is a strong component in my struggles with life right now and the overwhelming feelings and drives I have.
Ive had three relationships with men.
They hurt me.
I have felt such heartache from trying to relate to them that my eyes can barely shine anymore.
I need to be loved like how a woman can love.
To feel safe and secure and enough.
Most men have no control of thier sexual nature and are always ready willing and looking....
Which oversensitive Veronica takes to heart.
I think its best for me to go back to being a Rainbow Unicorn since i seem to have a bunch of midpoints in Sag. And leave boys alone.
I put all my Trust in The Mother and she never failed me.
Im tired of hearing boys will be boys and MeeToo was my own fault.
Astrology shows the truth and I see the tides turning for Patriarchy and the oppression of the natural feminine.
Im sure that if I am receptive to these currents The Good Mother will gravitate to me all that I truly need and my eyes will be able to sparkle with true hope for mankind again.
Re: Veronica
Is there some where I can have my midpoints calculated Sidreal? Astro.com doesnt seem to have that option. I found a few web pages that did it Tropical, I would think that the info about aspects would be the same (ie my sun/moon midpoint is conjuct my natal venus) but Im not sure if that is really valid
I read how to do it manually adding the degrees and dividing....but....well Im feeling a bit tired honestly
I read how to do it manually adding the degrees and dividing....but....well Im feeling a bit tired honestly
-
Jim Eshelman
- Are You Sirius?
- Posts: 19078
- Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 12:40 pm
Re: Veronica
This listing is a bit tedious, I'm sure, but perhaps it will give you what you want. If it's too cumbersome, I can rearrange it a bit.
Code: Select all
*** MIDPOINT LISTING *** Veronica - Natal Chart
In Planetary Sequence - Modulus 360°00'
*Mon* 07°Sc44 Sun/Ura 26°Sc56 Ven/Jup 00°Sg24 Jup/Ura 14°Li38 *Nep* 08°Sc40
Mon/Sun 21°Sg25 Sun/Nep 21°Sg53 Ven/Sat 21°Aq18 Jup/Nep 09°Sc35 Nep/Plu 06°Li43
Mon/Mer 15°Sg13 Sun/Plu 19°Sc56 Ven/Ura 04°Sc32 Jup/Plu 07°Li38 Nep/Asc 22°Le00
Mon/Ven 29°Sc01 Sun/Asc 05°Ar13 Ven/Nep 29°Sc29 Jup/Asc 22°Le55 Nep/MC 24°Sg03
Mon/Mar 15°Sc02 Sun/MC 07°Aq15 Ven/Plu 27°Li32 Jup/MC 24°Sg57 Nep/EqA 10°Le54
Mon/Jup 09°Sc07 Sun/EqA 24°Pi06 Ven/Asc 12°Pi49 Jup/EqA 11°Le48 *Plu* 04°Vi46
Mon/Sat 00°Aq02 *Mer* 22°Cp42 Ven/MC 14°Cp52 *Sat* 22°Ar19 Plu/Asc 20°Cn03
Mon/Ura 13°Li16 Mer/Ven 06°Cp30 Ven/EqA 01°Pi43 Sat/Ura 05°Cn33 Plu/MC 22°Sc06
Mon/Nep 08°Sc12 Mer/Mar 22°Sg31 *Mar* 22°Sc21 Sat/Nep 00°Aq30 Plu/EqA 08°Cn57
Mon/Plu 06°Li15 Mer/Jup 16°Sg36 Mar/Jup 16°Sc25 Sat/Plu 28°Ge33 *Asc* 05°Ge20
Mon/Asc 21°Le32 Mer/Sat 07°Pi30 Mar/Sat 07°Aq20 Sat/Asc 13°Ta50 Asc/MC 07°Ar23
Mon/MC 23°Sg35 Mer/Ura 20°Sc44 Mar/Ura 20°Li34 Sat/MC 15°Pi52 Asc/EqA 24°Ta14
Mon/EqA 10°Le26 Mer/Nep 15°Sg41 Mar/Nep 15°Sc30 Sat/EqA 02°Ta43 *MC* 09°Aq25
*Sun* 05°Aq05 Mer/Plu 13°Sc44 Mar/Plu 13°Li34 *Ura* 18°Vi47 MC/EqA 26°Pi16
Sun/Mer 28°Cp53 Mer/Asc 29°Pi01 Mar/Asc 28°Le50 Ura/Nep 13°Li44 *EqA* 13°Ta07
Sun/Ven 12°Cp41 Mer/MC 01°Aq03 Mar/MC 00°Cp53 Ura/Plu 11°Vi47
Sun/Mar 28°Sg43 Mer/EqA 17°Pi55 Mar/EqA 17°Aq44 Ura/Asc 27°Cn04
Sun/Jup 22°Sg47 *Ven* 20°Sg18 *Jup* 10°Sc29 Ura/MC 29°Sc06
Sun/Sat 13°Pi42 Ven/Mar 06°Sg19 Jup/Sat 01°Aq24 Ura/EqA 15°Cn57
Sorted by Angle - Modulus 360°00'
Sun/Asc 05°Ar13 Jup/Asc 22°Le55 Jup/Nep 09°Sc35 *Ven* 20°Sg18 *Sun* 05°Aq05
Asc/MC 07°Ar23 Mar/Asc 28°Le50 *Jup* 10°Sc29 Mon/Sun 21°Sg25 Sun/MC 07°Aq15
*Sat* 22°Ar19 *Plu* 04°Vi46 Mer/Plu 13°Sc44 Sun/Nep 21°Sg53 Mar/Sat 07°Aq20
Sat/EqA 02°Ta43 Ura/Plu 11°Vi47 Mon/Mar 15°Sc02 Mer/Mar 22°Sg31 *MC* 09°Aq25
*EqA* 13°Ta07 *Ura* 18°Vi47 Mar/Nep 15°Sc30 Sun/Jup 22°Sg47 Mar/EqA 17°Aq44
Sat/Asc 13°Ta50 Mon/Plu 06°Li15 Mar/Jup 16°Sc25 Mon/MC 23°Sg35 Ven/Sat 21°Aq18
Asc/EqA 24°Ta14 Nep/Plu 06°Li43 Sun/Plu 19°Sc56 Nep/MC 24°Sg03 Ven/EqA 01°Pi43
*Asc* 05°Ge20 Jup/Plu 07°Li38 Mer/Ura 20°Sc44 Jup/MC 24°Sg57 Mer/Sat 07°Pi30
Sat/Plu 28°Ge33 Mon/Ura 13°Li16 Plu/MC 22°Sc06 Sun/Mar 28°Sg43 Ven/Asc 12°Pi49
Sat/Ura 05°Cn33 Mar/Plu 13°Li34 *Mar* 22°Sc21 Mar/MC 00°Cp53 Sun/Sat 13°Pi42
Plu/EqA 08°Cn57 Ura/Nep 13°Li44 Sun/Ura 26°Sc56 Mer/Ven 06°Cp30 Sat/MC 15°Pi52
Ura/EqA 15°Cn57 Jup/Ura 14°Li38 Mon/Ven 29°Sc01 Sun/Ven 12°Cp41 Mer/EqA 17°Pi55
Plu/Asc 20°Cn03 Mar/Ura 20°Li34 Ura/MC 29°Sc06 Ven/MC 14°Cp52 Sun/EqA 24°Pi06
Ura/Asc 27°Cn04 Ven/Plu 27°Li32 Ven/Nep 29°Sc29 *Mer* 22°Cp42 MC/EqA 26°Pi16
Mon/EqA 10°Le26 Ven/Ura 04°Sc32 Ven/Jup 00°Sg24 Sun/Mer 28°Cp53 Mer/Asc 29°Pi01
Nep/EqA 10°Le54 *Mon* 07°Sc44 Ven/Mar 06°Sg19 Mon/Sat 00°Aq02
Jup/EqA 11°Le48 Mon/Nep 08°Sc12 Mon/Mer 15°Sg13 Sat/Nep 00°Aq30
Mon/Asc 21°Le32 *Nep* 08°Sc40 Mer/Nep 15°Sg41 Mer/MC 01°Aq03
Nep/Asc 22°Le00 Mon/Jup 09°Sc07 Mer/Jup 16°Sg36 Jup/Sat 01°Aq24
Jim Eshelman
www.jeshelman.com
www.jeshelman.com
-
Jim Eshelman
- Are You Sirius?
- Posts: 19078
- Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 12:40 pm
Re: Veronica
Here's a 90° sort, which is the most useful form.
Mar/MC 00°53'
Sun/Asc 05°13'
Sat/Ura 05°33'
Mon/Plu 06°15'
Mer/Ven 06°30'
Nep/Plu 06°43'
Asc/MC 07°23'
Jup/Plu 07°38'
Sun/Ven 12°41'
Mon/Ura 13°16'
Mar/Plu 13°34'
Ura/Nep 13°44'
Jup/Ura 14°38'
Ven/MC 14°52'
Plu/Asc 20°03'
Mar/Ura 20°34'
*Sat* 22°19'
*Mer* 22°42'
Ura/Asc 27°04'
Ven/Plu 27°32'
Sun/Mer 28°53'
Mon/Sat 30°02'
Sat/Nep 30°30'
Mer/MC 31°03'
Jup/Sat 31°24'
Ven/Ura 34°32'
*Sun* 35°05'
Sun/MC 37°15'
Mar/Sat 37°20'
*Mon* 37°44'
Mon/Nep 38°12'
*Nep* 38°40'
Mon/Jup 39°07'
*MC* 39°25'
Jup/Nep 39°35'
*Jup* 40°29'
Mer/Plu 43°44'
Sat/Asc 43°50'
Mon/Mar 45°02'
Mar/Nep 45°30'
Mar/Jup 46°25'
Sun/Plu 49°56'
Mer/Ura 50°44'
Ven/Sat 51°18'
Mon/Asc 51°32'
Nep/Asc 52°00'
Plu/MC 52°06'
*Mar* 52°21'
Jup/Asc 52°55'
Sun/Ura 56°56'
Mar/Asc 58°50'
Mon/Ven 59°01'
Ura/MC 59°06'
Ven/Nep 59°29'
Ven/Jup 60°24'
*Plu* 64°46'
*Asc* 65°20'
Ven/Mar 66°19'
Mer/Sat 67°30'
Ura/Plu 71°47'
Ven/Asc 72°49'
Sun/Sat 73°42'
Mon/Mer 75°13'
Mer/Nep 75°41'
Sat/MC 75°52'
Mer/Jup 76°36'
*Ura* 78°47'
*Ven* 80°18'
Mon/Sun 81°25'
Sun/Nep 81°53'
Mer/Mar 82°31'
Sun/Jup 82°47'
Mon/MC 83°35'
Nep/MC 84°03'
Jup/MC 84°57'
Sat/Plu 88°33'
Sun/Mar 88°43'
Mer/Asc 89°01'
Mar/MC 00°53'
Sun/Asc 05°13'
Sat/Ura 05°33'
Mon/Plu 06°15'
Mer/Ven 06°30'
Nep/Plu 06°43'
Asc/MC 07°23'
Jup/Plu 07°38'
Sun/Ven 12°41'
Mon/Ura 13°16'
Mar/Plu 13°34'
Ura/Nep 13°44'
Jup/Ura 14°38'
Ven/MC 14°52'
Plu/Asc 20°03'
Mar/Ura 20°34'
*Sat* 22°19'
*Mer* 22°42'
Ura/Asc 27°04'
Ven/Plu 27°32'
Sun/Mer 28°53'
Mon/Sat 30°02'
Sat/Nep 30°30'
Mer/MC 31°03'
Jup/Sat 31°24'
Ven/Ura 34°32'
*Sun* 35°05'
Sun/MC 37°15'
Mar/Sat 37°20'
*Mon* 37°44'
Mon/Nep 38°12'
*Nep* 38°40'
Mon/Jup 39°07'
*MC* 39°25'
Jup/Nep 39°35'
*Jup* 40°29'
Mer/Plu 43°44'
Sat/Asc 43°50'
Mon/Mar 45°02'
Mar/Nep 45°30'
Mar/Jup 46°25'
Sun/Plu 49°56'
Mer/Ura 50°44'
Ven/Sat 51°18'
Mon/Asc 51°32'
Nep/Asc 52°00'
Plu/MC 52°06'
*Mar* 52°21'
Jup/Asc 52°55'
Sun/Ura 56°56'
Mar/Asc 58°50'
Mon/Ven 59°01'
Ura/MC 59°06'
Ven/Nep 59°29'
Ven/Jup 60°24'
*Plu* 64°46'
*Asc* 65°20'
Ven/Mar 66°19'
Mer/Sat 67°30'
Ura/Plu 71°47'
Ven/Asc 72°49'
Sun/Sat 73°42'
Mon/Mer 75°13'
Mer/Nep 75°41'
Sat/MC 75°52'
Mer/Jup 76°36'
*Ura* 78°47'
*Ven* 80°18'
Mon/Sun 81°25'
Sun/Nep 81°53'
Mer/Mar 82°31'
Sun/Jup 82°47'
Mon/MC 83°35'
Nep/MC 84°03'
Jup/MC 84°57'
Sat/Plu 88°33'
Sun/Mar 88°43'
Mer/Asc 89°01'
Jim Eshelman
www.jeshelman.com
www.jeshelman.com
Re: Veronica
Thanks so much!!
that was exactly what I wanted.
I probably should have really looked into Midpoints along time ago.
Better late then never.
that was exactly what I wanted.
I probably should have really looked into Midpoints along time ago.
Better late then never.
Re: Veronica
I guess Im missing some kind of understanding.
i see that the list you gave of 90 degree sort, goes down in order of degree from 0 to 89, and I understand that that is a list of Squares to my positions correct. But on the list that was generated it gave (obviously wrong) degrees and Positions listed like
Sun/moon Position 15 Cap 27' 51"
which I could see in my minds eye as being some what close to where my Venus is nataly in Sag.
but on your list,
it says things like
Sat/Ura 05 53'
Sun/Venus 12 41'
I dont understand where in the 360 that falls or what that is supposed to mean.
the table was easier to read and understand but the formatting didnt copy well to my word program so I am going to have to reread that print out later.
it feels like I am making this harder then it actually is.
i see that the list you gave of 90 degree sort, goes down in order of degree from 0 to 89, and I understand that that is a list of Squares to my positions correct. But on the list that was generated it gave (obviously wrong) degrees and Positions listed like
Sun/moon Position 15 Cap 27' 51"
which I could see in my minds eye as being some what close to where my Venus is nataly in Sag.
but on your list,
it says things like
Sat/Ura 05 53'
Sun/Venus 12 41'
I dont understand where in the 360 that falls or what that is supposed to mean.
the table was easier to read and understand but the formatting didnt copy well to my word program so I am going to have to reread that print out later.
it feels like I am making this harder then it actually is.
-
Jim Eshelman
- Are You Sirius?
- Posts: 19078
- Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 12:40 pm
Re: Veronica
The numbers of the se in one run from 0 to 90, meaning the quadrants fold on top of each other so conjunctions, oppositions, and squares appear atop each other. Thus, 5 33 means 5 degrees of either Cancer, Libra, Capricorn, or Aries (it doesn't matter which). Add 39 degrees for Fixed or 60 degrees for Mutable.
Jim Eshelman
www.jeshelman.com
www.jeshelman.com
Re: Veronica
Thanks again!
I need some new journals to do some of this math, but Im getting it.
Thanks too to Steve for his thread on midpoints which was fascinating to read and JSADs detailed explanation on how to get this info from astro.com.
So from my understanding it seems like the strongest point is around my natal venus. Go figure.
Its amazing really about Pluto transiting my midpoints now and the oh so intense feelings....which I do have trouble articulating.
But the Universe spoke it loud and clear to me today when a most beautiful 5th grade little girl wearing tiger ears in her hair and whisker painted on her nose and a fuzzy pink sweater with a rainbow unicorn sequiened on it came up to my desk and flirted this way and that with me about nothing in particular and then very boldly looked me in the eye and ever so sweetly ask
"So, do you have a girlfriend?"
I kid you not.
I need some new journals to do some of this math, but Im getting it.
Thanks too to Steve for his thread on midpoints which was fascinating to read and JSADs detailed explanation on how to get this info from astro.com.
So from my understanding it seems like the strongest point is around my natal venus. Go figure.
Its amazing really about Pluto transiting my midpoints now and the oh so intense feelings....which I do have trouble articulating.
But the Universe spoke it loud and clear to me today when a most beautiful 5th grade little girl wearing tiger ears in her hair and whisker painted on her nose and a fuzzy pink sweater with a rainbow unicorn sequiened on it came up to my desk and flirted this way and that with me about nothing in particular and then very boldly looked me in the eye and ever so sweetly ask
"So, do you have a girlfriend?"
I kid you not.
Pluto action
"As an experimental or explorational thing, I'll mention that Pluto's station is also within 1° of several midpoints: Sun/Jupiter (58'), Moon/MC (10'), Neptune/MC (18')."
Im going to do my best to share just what that goings on materized as.....(pardon my sexist use of the term men...its just easier for me to right...but the term could be for either sex i just dont want to type men/women. Both sexes of humans have the issues I am referring too...men ime just have demonstrated it more. Ymmv)
Im in a very dire financial situation.
Im underemployed and have little means to change that because of my past priority of being true to my spirit and not caring for riches and material things.
Im am below the poverty level.
Of course I could just hook up with a man i find on some online dating service and suck up to the status quo and be a quiet subservient dutiful woman and live a life of riches and buy my children everything they want.
It feels like all the men in my life have this primal need to make me have to beg and ask for money....even though the scales of karma show they have not paid up, done thier share or give freely. My brothers. My father. My two exboyfriends. My husband. All have a power issue with my self sufficient and non material existance. All if confronted by thier god would have to admit sinning against me.
But its not just me....
I am an archtype of the wild and free feminine nature.
What is happening to me personally, is happening to women across the globe where the Patriarch al society we live in says....this is right...women have to have a man to be sucessfull. To live.
And I, with my star chart laugh in their face and say....no i dont.
I dont want your food.i have my own.
I dont want your car. I have my own.
I dont want your home. I have my own.
I crush thier ego and they stumble away mumbling dirty words and look for a domesticated women to stroke thier egos and give them fake love.
Im lucky to have those stars. My global sisters arenot as lucky and end up hooking up with anybody. They end up selling thier bodies. The end up getting date raped and beaten and raped by thier lovers and husbands just for financial security. And heaven forbid if at anytime one of those womans charts finally gives them a voice to say MeeToo. I was wronged. I was hurt. I was used. He took a part of me that he didnt ask for that I didnt give freely. Heaven forbid, boys will be boys and shouldnt be accountable for not having thier body under self control, for not having thier spirit under thier reigns, not not being a living breathing manifestion of the Soul of Creation. Heaven forbid, speaking out might mean he cant get a job and support the status quo of this Patriarcial cizilization.. Cant have that messing up peoples dreams and life. Lifes to short...move on..get over it.....ive heard it all. Each and everytime i have been sinned against in the deepest most hurtful ways.
I dont forget though. Its a Scorpio thing.
I am bound by all those wounds and the only release is by the people who sinned and wronged me.
My aquarian sun drove me to study the hard sciences and understand the truth and uncover all the lies that this one sided civilazation teaches. The biggest lie has to do with our beautiful sun and its life giving powers. Stored energy.
I store everything. Deep in each cell. All the memories all the gifts all the curses.
They dont go away. They cant. Quantum physic proves that. Religion and spirituality prove that.
My scorpio stellium is all about stored energies and what can be done with these little cells I have trapped in my body that others put there.
It has been my life purpose to figure out why people have so much to fear from a little girl like me. Why do men fear and hate and need to hurt and control and subjugate the women of this world. What is it within them that needs to have total power and control over everything feminine.
Why do men deny the femine that is within them and assert they are "men"....imying they are the epitome of all the powers of manhood and thus the live giving sun.
I know why.
I am like the moon. I change. Minute by minute. Its a scary thing. To be happy when you go to bed and sick in the heart with the whole world when you wake.
I know though about the moon and the gift She gives of eternal life of the power of being able to become so full of onesself (ego) and then to slowly eek away into nothing (egoless).
Men are afraid of what this world could do them if they stripped themselves bare and showed all thier guts and glory and sins....men are terrified of being egoless.
Im not.
Thats why I xan rip myself open here and share with you all the horrible parts of me the dirty and ugly parts I have by my verybirthrite and environmental influences.
I truely dont care.
Because I can die a million times.
I can be raped and beaten.
Poverty struck
Dreamless
Hopeless
Bloody and wounded from the way the world spins against me and with me.
Road rashed and breathless
Ive been there. Done that. Got the tshirt.
I know the secret of life and death and love and pain and everything inbetween and like the sun I the eternal feminine the eternal source of all will rise again and again.
People have a choice.
Either rip your false face bravado masking ego off in yourlifetime or wait till Death comes and brings you to hell and makes you do it.
We can either be a fool or a Fool and it takes one to know one.
Beautiful Kind Jupiter Sets at Dawn told me....
"People can only be strong if you let them"
Humans by nature of life are prone to addiction in a million forms.
The only Sin is restriction.
I am an addict.
I am overcome with feelings of a deep down insatiable need.
Like a drunk needs a drink
But i dont need a drink.
Like a coke head needs a bump
But I dont need a bump.
Like a nymphomaniac needs sex
But I dont need sex
A million things this material world offers us for consumption and addiction.
But i dont need this world
I am an addict for love and beauty
And I have only ever gotten my fix for that from within myself.
If that which you seek
You find not within
Ye shall never find it without
Love is the Law.
Love under Will
......and thats what happens when Pluto gives me some much needed love and attention.
Im going to do my best to share just what that goings on materized as.....(pardon my sexist use of the term men...its just easier for me to right...but the term could be for either sex i just dont want to type men/women. Both sexes of humans have the issues I am referring too...men ime just have demonstrated it more. Ymmv)
Im in a very dire financial situation.
Im underemployed and have little means to change that because of my past priority of being true to my spirit and not caring for riches and material things.
Im am below the poverty level.
Of course I could just hook up with a man i find on some online dating service and suck up to the status quo and be a quiet subservient dutiful woman and live a life of riches and buy my children everything they want.
It feels like all the men in my life have this primal need to make me have to beg and ask for money....even though the scales of karma show they have not paid up, done thier share or give freely. My brothers. My father. My two exboyfriends. My husband. All have a power issue with my self sufficient and non material existance. All if confronted by thier god would have to admit sinning against me.
But its not just me....
I am an archtype of the wild and free feminine nature.
What is happening to me personally, is happening to women across the globe where the Patriarch al society we live in says....this is right...women have to have a man to be sucessfull. To live.
And I, with my star chart laugh in their face and say....no i dont.
I dont want your food.i have my own.
I dont want your car. I have my own.
I dont want your home. I have my own.
I crush thier ego and they stumble away mumbling dirty words and look for a domesticated women to stroke thier egos and give them fake love.
Im lucky to have those stars. My global sisters arenot as lucky and end up hooking up with anybody. They end up selling thier bodies. The end up getting date raped and beaten and raped by thier lovers and husbands just for financial security. And heaven forbid if at anytime one of those womans charts finally gives them a voice to say MeeToo. I was wronged. I was hurt. I was used. He took a part of me that he didnt ask for that I didnt give freely. Heaven forbid, boys will be boys and shouldnt be accountable for not having thier body under self control, for not having thier spirit under thier reigns, not not being a living breathing manifestion of the Soul of Creation. Heaven forbid, speaking out might mean he cant get a job and support the status quo of this Patriarcial cizilization.. Cant have that messing up peoples dreams and life. Lifes to short...move on..get over it.....ive heard it all. Each and everytime i have been sinned against in the deepest most hurtful ways.
I dont forget though. Its a Scorpio thing.
I am bound by all those wounds and the only release is by the people who sinned and wronged me.
My aquarian sun drove me to study the hard sciences and understand the truth and uncover all the lies that this one sided civilazation teaches. The biggest lie has to do with our beautiful sun and its life giving powers. Stored energy.
I store everything. Deep in each cell. All the memories all the gifts all the curses.
They dont go away. They cant. Quantum physic proves that. Religion and spirituality prove that.
My scorpio stellium is all about stored energies and what can be done with these little cells I have trapped in my body that others put there.
It has been my life purpose to figure out why people have so much to fear from a little girl like me. Why do men fear and hate and need to hurt and control and subjugate the women of this world. What is it within them that needs to have total power and control over everything feminine.
Why do men deny the femine that is within them and assert they are "men"....imying they are the epitome of all the powers of manhood and thus the live giving sun.
I know why.
I am like the moon. I change. Minute by minute. Its a scary thing. To be happy when you go to bed and sick in the heart with the whole world when you wake.
I know though about the moon and the gift She gives of eternal life of the power of being able to become so full of onesself (ego) and then to slowly eek away into nothing (egoless).
Men are afraid of what this world could do them if they stripped themselves bare and showed all thier guts and glory and sins....men are terrified of being egoless.
Im not.
Thats why I xan rip myself open here and share with you all the horrible parts of me the dirty and ugly parts I have by my verybirthrite and environmental influences.
I truely dont care.
Because I can die a million times.
I can be raped and beaten.
Poverty struck
Dreamless
Hopeless
Bloody and wounded from the way the world spins against me and with me.
Road rashed and breathless
Ive been there. Done that. Got the tshirt.
I know the secret of life and death and love and pain and everything inbetween and like the sun I the eternal feminine the eternal source of all will rise again and again.
People have a choice.
Either rip your false face bravado masking ego off in yourlifetime or wait till Death comes and brings you to hell and makes you do it.
We can either be a fool or a Fool and it takes one to know one.
Beautiful Kind Jupiter Sets at Dawn told me....
"People can only be strong if you let them"
Humans by nature of life are prone to addiction in a million forms.
The only Sin is restriction.
I am an addict.
I am overcome with feelings of a deep down insatiable need.
Like a drunk needs a drink
But i dont need a drink.
Like a coke head needs a bump
But I dont need a bump.
Like a nymphomaniac needs sex
But I dont need sex
A million things this material world offers us for consumption and addiction.
But i dont need this world
I am an addict for love and beauty
And I have only ever gotten my fix for that from within myself.
If that which you seek
You find not within
Ye shall never find it without
Love is the Law.
Love under Will
......and thats what happens when Pluto gives me some much needed love and attention.
Re: Veronica
If I didnt have my children looking into my eyes with hope an optimism for a better world......
They hear me cry and see my tears and know how hard I work to put on a fake smile .....
Grown ups only seem to care about themselves.
Thats why so many children grow up with out thier true parents together.
Eric knows
And so does every parent who didnt put thier own self aside for the sake of thier children and stop wallowing in thier bruised egos and self pity.
I am blessed I saw and expierenced how wrong it is to be so self absorbed like I was leaving my kids to be w someone else instead of doing the right thing and taking care of those who need me and are my responsibility.
They hear me cry and see my tears and know how hard I work to put on a fake smile .....
Grown ups only seem to care about themselves.
Thats why so many children grow up with out thier true parents together.
Eric knows
And so does every parent who didnt put thier own self aside for the sake of thier children and stop wallowing in thier bruised egos and self pity.
I am blessed I saw and expierenced how wrong it is to be so self absorbed like I was leaving my kids to be w someone else instead of doing the right thing and taking care of those who need me and are my responsibility.
-
Fletcher
Re: Veronica
Thanks for the link.SteveS wrote: Sat Jul 07, 2018 8:34 am V, you may not get what you want on your court day with the stack of charts I analyzed, but the Judge may delay judgement to a later date. I looked at many charts, but my favorite chart to analyze is the Solar Quotidian (SQ), when you know ahead of time an ‘out of ordinary’ incident scheduled on a specific date. Below is link to your SQ 12,00 Noon on July 10 for Rochester, NY. Is your residence still close to Rochester? I find this SQ most interesting and I think is shows par-excellent symbolism for the circumstances surrounding your day in court. Remember SQ's are daily charts.
SQ Mars in Azi partile cnj SQ Anti-Vertex, a sensitive chart point, partile 120 North Node 1,06 cnj SQ MC. Obviously the North Node which symbolizes life "connections" with people is your ex-husband over a dispute (Mars) with alimony. SQ Mars partile SQ Neptune indicating you may not get entirely what you want, but SQ Moon a very important component in SQ charting is partile 135 SQ Jupiter-- so maybe a partial increase with alimony. Moon-Jupiter is good—so lets hope you have a good day in court.
July 10th SQ Chart:
https://imgur.com/a/LEx5XVn
Re: Veronica
?Fletcher wrote: Thu Oct 11, 2018 12:40 amThanks for the link.SteveS wrote: Sat Jul 07, 2018 8:34 am V, you may not get what you want on your court day with the stack of charts I analyzed, but the Judge may delay judgement to a later date. I looked at many charts, but my favorite chart to analyze is the Solar Quotidian (SQ), when you know ahead of time an ‘out of ordinary’ incident scheduled on a specific date. Below is link to your SQ 12,00 Noon on July 10 for Rochester, NY. Is your residence still close to Rochester? I find this SQ most interesting and I think is shows par-excellent symbolism for the circumstances surrounding your day in court. Remember SQ's are daily charts.
SQ Mars in Azi partile cnj SQ Anti-Vertex, a sensitive chart point, partile 120 North Node 1,06 cnj SQ MC. Obviously the North Node which symbolizes life "connections" with people is your ex-husband over a dispute (Mars) with alimony. SQ Mars partile SQ Neptune indicating you may not get entirely what you want, but SQ Moon a very important component in SQ charting is partile 135 SQ Jupiter-- so maybe a partial increase with alimony. Moon-Jupiter is good—so lets hope you have a good day in court.
July 10th SQ Chart:
https://imgur.com/a/LEx5XVn
Thanks for the interest in my lil ol chart Fletcher....
Wanna know more?
I got a got a new court date coming up soon....
Butcha ya know what?
I dont care what the charts say.
I took him to court to give him the chance to step up and help out his flesh n blood.
He wanted a trial n wanted to prove Im a shitty mom.
He cant prove that.
My chart shows mee
N his chart shows him n his jerkoff psychoitc ways very clearly.
He doesnt want to give my kids any money bc it taps into his beer fund.
I give my kids ever penny and every bit of my love I can.
So thanks for looking. If you have input we would all love to hear it.
Re: Veronica
I edited my response bc I was very angry.
Im sorry for being so judgemental but I have a lot of problems with the actions of my ex and didnt like the creep factor of Fletcher commenting on my three month old chart.
Im sorry for being so judgemental but I have a lot of problems with the actions of my ex and didnt like the creep factor of Fletcher commenting on my three month old chart.
-
Jupiter Sets at Dawn
- Irish Member
- Posts: 3522
- Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 7:03 pm
Re: Veronica
I understand the creep factor.
I think that was a spam-bot that looks through old messages for links or images and posts "thanks for the link" or "thanks for the picture."
If you have a concern, you can always message Dani, Jim or me, and we'll take a look at that subscriber.
I think that was a spam-bot that looks through old messages for links or images and posts "thanks for the link" or "thanks for the picture."
If you have a concern, you can always message Dani, Jim or me, and we'll take a look at that subscriber.
Re: Veronica
Thank you for the piece of mind Jupiter Sets at Dawn, I really do appreciate it.
This forum is the only place I feel like people understand the real me and it truelly does bother me to know my ex husband knows about it bc he hacked my pc when we were married.
I do always let Jim know and he has always taken the time to check into things that trouble my allready nervous nature.
I am so very grateful for that and the opportunity to share here my experiences and understanding in regards to how vitally important Sidreal astrology has been as a tool in my life for self acceptance and spiritual growth.
This forum is the only place I feel like people understand the real me and it truelly does bother me to know my ex husband knows about it bc he hacked my pc when we were married.
I do always let Jim know and he has always taken the time to check into things that trouble my allready nervous nature.
I am so very grateful for that and the opportunity to share here my experiences and understanding in regards to how vitally important Sidreal astrology has been as a tool in my life for self acceptance and spiritual growth.
Re: Veronica
As a person who has been very health conscious most all of my life and studied many forms of holistic healing as well as yoga and deep psychoanalysis I am stumbing over why I have this chronic delberating pain in my back.
As if a knife is stuck right outa reach by my shoulder blades.
From my life studies I am convinved that all pain is a symptom of deep issues...even if that pain or malady does arise from a physical accident (like mine did at work) and have physical roots in material tissue damage.
I cant live like this, being in chronic pain and not able yo be vital and work.
The drs on my case did not document my issues clearly and now workers comp and the insurance are dening my claims for services and treatment.
My lawyer told me to get new drs which means I would be back to the drawing board and have a long wait before I can get approved for the needed surgery to repair my damaged tissues and nerves.
Yet i fully believe the body can repair and heal and overcome all issues of imbalance. I am very good at giving others advice on what to do for health concerns and intuitive on treatments for the individual.
My issues though
Being stabbed in the back by my 3 past lovers (or more persicicly my feelings and belief that I was taken advantage, used, mistreated, cheated on, and economically (power) played) has left me not able to take my own advice, not able to maintain my own healthy life practices ( which all 3 had major issues with) and just feeling most days like a big gapping bloody wound exposed to the world like a raw nerve....not physically able to be loving and kind and generous and hopefull...which is my natural state of being.
I truelly believe that the symbolic language of astrology is mainfest in our biology truelly imbeded in our amino acid secquencings of our dna and I also believe that all things are connected and availible to fullfill our needs.
I dont see why my soul needs this crippling pain. I dont understand what I need to do to break free of the limiatations of my mind so that I can pull these knives out.
I tried making amends and being nice with all 3 of these men, yet none of them took the opportunity to extend the same to me. I believe that it lies in the heart, as it was the loving heart that created the infererior mind and i believe for me that message is even more true as my sun/moon/neptune/jupiter midpoints as well as my mars/mercury midpoints all sit close to my beloved venus.
I am obessive. And the root meaning of that word is "to sit".
I cant sit with this crippling pain anymore. It makes me want to give up and just die. I want to be painfree again and pull out these hurtfull knives and show the world love and beauty naturally and not a force smile and silly songs that make me cry when i turn the camera off.
I know enough about Alchemy and higher spiritual work and I wish I had some other thing to focus on. To obsess on. To sit with. Other then feeling like a complete failure to these men whom i loved and tried to share spiritual love with. They obviously have thier own soul work to do and dont feel any need to have me in thier life and I know better then to force my will on those who do not accept my gifts.
I am hoping that some how I will be able to give myself love and get over this huge mountain of pain I am forcing my soul to climb.
As if a knife is stuck right outa reach by my shoulder blades.
From my life studies I am convinved that all pain is a symptom of deep issues...even if that pain or malady does arise from a physical accident (like mine did at work) and have physical roots in material tissue damage.
I cant live like this, being in chronic pain and not able yo be vital and work.
The drs on my case did not document my issues clearly and now workers comp and the insurance are dening my claims for services and treatment.
My lawyer told me to get new drs which means I would be back to the drawing board and have a long wait before I can get approved for the needed surgery to repair my damaged tissues and nerves.
Yet i fully believe the body can repair and heal and overcome all issues of imbalance. I am very good at giving others advice on what to do for health concerns and intuitive on treatments for the individual.
My issues though
Being stabbed in the back by my 3 past lovers (or more persicicly my feelings and belief that I was taken advantage, used, mistreated, cheated on, and economically (power) played) has left me not able to take my own advice, not able to maintain my own healthy life practices ( which all 3 had major issues with) and just feeling most days like a big gapping bloody wound exposed to the world like a raw nerve....not physically able to be loving and kind and generous and hopefull...which is my natural state of being.
I truelly believe that the symbolic language of astrology is mainfest in our biology truelly imbeded in our amino acid secquencings of our dna and I also believe that all things are connected and availible to fullfill our needs.
I dont see why my soul needs this crippling pain. I dont understand what I need to do to break free of the limiatations of my mind so that I can pull these knives out.
I tried making amends and being nice with all 3 of these men, yet none of them took the opportunity to extend the same to me. I believe that it lies in the heart, as it was the loving heart that created the infererior mind and i believe for me that message is even more true as my sun/moon/neptune/jupiter midpoints as well as my mars/mercury midpoints all sit close to my beloved venus.
I am obessive. And the root meaning of that word is "to sit".
I cant sit with this crippling pain anymore. It makes me want to give up and just die. I want to be painfree again and pull out these hurtfull knives and show the world love and beauty naturally and not a force smile and silly songs that make me cry when i turn the camera off.
I know enough about Alchemy and higher spiritual work and I wish I had some other thing to focus on. To obsess on. To sit with. Other then feeling like a complete failure to these men whom i loved and tried to share spiritual love with. They obviously have thier own soul work to do and dont feel any need to have me in thier life and I know better then to force my will on those who do not accept my gifts.
I am hoping that some how I will be able to give myself love and get over this huge mountain of pain I am forcing my soul to climb.
-
Jupiter Sets at Dawn
- Irish Member
- Posts: 3522
- Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 7:03 pm
Re: Veronica
While I understand the sentiment, who are you threatening to commit suicide at?Veronica wrote: Sat Oct 13, 2018 6:29 am I cant live like this, being in chronic pain and not able yo be vital and work.
Us? We can't help you.
Your exes? They don't care.
The Universe? It will manage to use you whether you're alive or not.
Yourself? To what end?
Your kids? Must be your kids. Can they help you? You want one to spend years to become a surgeon to help you and that's what the threat is meant to confirm? Or what?
Stop.
Your lawyer told you what to do. You don't want to because you want the pain to stop NOW NOW NOW!!!
The pain isn't going to stop because you threaten suicide. The pain will stop if you learn to be patient, and learn to be a patient.
Go do what your lawyer told you to do and stop fussing about having to go back to the drawing board and having a long wait for surgery. Your new doctors can and should get your old doctors test results and x-rays and so on.
And stop trying to find some herbal or mystical or whatever cure and stop trying to pretend you are in control of whether or not your back hurts. You are not. The Goddess helps those that help themselves. Modern medicine is not the be all and end all, but neither is herbs and crystals and acupuncture and prayer. All of them are just tools, including modern medicine.
The Universe gave us a lot of tools. Stop being ungrateful and use all the tools.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. I posted much the same thing earlier, and deleted it because it sounds harsh to me. But sometimes you have to look at what you're doing and saying and thinking and get back on reality.
I'm sorry you hurt. Go to a new doctor like your lawyer told you, and be (a) patient.
-
Jupiter Sets at Dawn
- Irish Member
- Posts: 3522
- Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 7:03 pm
Re: Veronica
One other thing.
Getting old is not for sissies.
The biggest difference between the maiden and the crone is arthritis.
Getting old is not for sissies.
The biggest difference between the maiden and the crone is arthritis.
Re: Veronica
Im sorry
I wasnt threatening suicide.
Im just not coping well with a million things in my life that need to be done and i cant physicaly do much and hant been able to for the past 2 years and i am frustrated.
Thanks for your advice. I do have a series of new dr appointment s and a hearing w the board.
I wasnt threatening suicide.
Im just not coping well with a million things in my life that need to be done and i cant physicaly do much and hant been able to for the past 2 years and i am frustrated.
Thanks for your advice. I do have a series of new dr appointment s and a hearing w the board.
-
Jupiter Sets at Dawn
- Irish Member
- Posts: 3522
- Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 7:03 pm
Re: Veronica
I'm sorry you're frustrated. And I'm sorry you hurt.
Re: Veronica
Astrology is a big pain in my butt sometimes ya know.
I wonder what my life would have been like if I never looked up at the stars and within my heart....
Lol...
It wouldnt have been my life now then would it.
I remembered something, very very important when Jupiter said she was sorry I was in pain.
I remembered how when I thought I was gonna die giving birth to my son, how they all thought I was gonna die....omg that pain from him being the wrong way...and me with a midwife an not even an asprin....i made space.
I wasnt looking for answer to my pain the other day.
I wasnt looking for Jim to say Plutos conjunct......
I wasnt looking for a pity party.
I needed something.
Ever notice how if someone says "oh I broke my arm" you hear someone oneup them....."i broke my arm and toe" humans bond by relating wounds and pain.
I needed someone to say, i hear you crying and Im sorry. An acknowledgment of humanity, thats all.
Every human is in some sort of pain and every human has a need to have the humanity of thier personal pain acknowledged.
Planets come and planets go, putting pressures and pains on different parts of space and us, throughout our whole life. No matter what your chart is it is not all sunshine and unicorns.
In teaching yoga I hear so much about pain and cant go any farther, inflexible, stiff, arthritic, yadayada....but I dont listen.
I remember how there was one thing and one thing only that pushed me through the pain of my body being torn apart, one thing that gets us through the pressures of the planets movements, or a traffic jam, or a fight with your spouse.
The book of genesis teaches that it was the breathe of god, of the word that brought about creation. Breath is akin to space.
Those yoga students I had, were shown how by the simple use of breath they could push past the spot they thought they couldnt go. Suck it up buttercup i hear tough guys like my brother say when a kid gets hurt, but really....thats what we need to do when in pain, when planets collide, when babies rip, suck in your breathe....
And then exhale
And then you can go deeper
And leave pain behind and come out on the otherside.
Id like to figure out how a seemingly extremely challenging aspect like moon conjunct pluto can be brought into a higher accord then the seemingly savage way it is now.
Aspects themselves evolve over time, given space I suppose.
I wonder what my life would have been like if I never looked up at the stars and within my heart....
Lol...
It wouldnt have been my life now then would it.
I remembered something, very very important when Jupiter said she was sorry I was in pain.
I remembered how when I thought I was gonna die giving birth to my son, how they all thought I was gonna die....omg that pain from him being the wrong way...and me with a midwife an not even an asprin....i made space.
I wasnt looking for answer to my pain the other day.
I wasnt looking for Jim to say Plutos conjunct......
I wasnt looking for a pity party.
I needed something.
Ever notice how if someone says "oh I broke my arm" you hear someone oneup them....."i broke my arm and toe" humans bond by relating wounds and pain.
I needed someone to say, i hear you crying and Im sorry. An acknowledgment of humanity, thats all.
Every human is in some sort of pain and every human has a need to have the humanity of thier personal pain acknowledged.
Planets come and planets go, putting pressures and pains on different parts of space and us, throughout our whole life. No matter what your chart is it is not all sunshine and unicorns.
In teaching yoga I hear so much about pain and cant go any farther, inflexible, stiff, arthritic, yadayada....but I dont listen.
I remember how there was one thing and one thing only that pushed me through the pain of my body being torn apart, one thing that gets us through the pressures of the planets movements, or a traffic jam, or a fight with your spouse.
The book of genesis teaches that it was the breathe of god, of the word that brought about creation. Breath is akin to space.
Those yoga students I had, were shown how by the simple use of breath they could push past the spot they thought they couldnt go. Suck it up buttercup i hear tough guys like my brother say when a kid gets hurt, but really....thats what we need to do when in pain, when planets collide, when babies rip, suck in your breathe....
And then exhale
And then you can go deeper
And leave pain behind and come out on the otherside.
Id like to figure out how a seemingly extremely challenging aspect like moon conjunct pluto can be brought into a higher accord then the seemingly savage way it is now.
Aspects themselves evolve over time, given space I suppose.
Re: Veronica
So today and yesterday turned out to be great days for my emotional well being, after quite some time of feeling unsure, lacking, going no where and definately not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel.
It was quite small things actually, but they were enough to give my feel good hormones a huge kick start.
I hadnt checked my transits since Jim mentioned my midpoint transit a few weeks ago. I honestly sometimes dont want to see what is coming, and then after somthing happens...i check. Sometimes it feels like checking it too often takes away some of the surprise in life that when good, i like and energizes me and when challenging seems to set me up for harder challenges that arise then necessary.
My transits
T. Sun trine N. Sun and Asc. (Which happens happens every year at this time and exains why I love Fall the most and general have always felt thriving at this time of year)
T Moon (full at that) trine Pluto
Very vivid dreams of dealing with the end of some of my major psychological barriers of insecurity, jealousy, and anger. I believe that I often rerun or playout scenarios through my dreams that In real life would bring out so strong enotions that I would seriously loose control and hurt myself or others. Its as if my mind knows Im going to encounter these incidence s as lets me practice before i am put in the real situation. This has happened in my dream life into real life for my entire life. I have often thought that not only do I have precogtion dreams but also premonition dreams and there is a big difference because precognition is about the mind, before thought, which is A huge Scorpionic trait....aka Promethian...again pre- thought.
Feelings come before thought though, at least in my world and that is the premonition dreams. Before feeling....
Anyways. I definitely think I have at least too types of dreams that manifest into reality, and I had one last night.
I know Neptune is thought to rule dreams but the moon is the luminary for all things subconsciou which is where dreams arise from.
T. Mon opposite N.Moon/jupiter/Neptune
Ill say that this full moon has been able to show me more of my vunerable spots yet in a way hard to articulate let me not be as reactively emotional and not overcome by lifes triggers that someimes can push me over my allready overly sensitive nature. I think if for example the T. Moon wS conjunct my n. Moon ect that the life issues I had to deal with would have not ended well and Id have been really super sad about my current situation...but because the moon is opposite....I feel good about them and where I am.
T. venus is trine my natal Sun and asc,
This obviously is wonderful and makes me feel espicially good in my own skin, self loved, confident, full of love and hope. Bout freaking time!! I very much feel more like my true self self then I have in a year. Its a year almost since that fight with the woman which really sent me into a huge down spiral of self loathing dissaciation and the awareness of how far I had slipped into the abyss of egolessness. Its almost like at this time last year, i was so full of my love for Craig that the sudden break up/distancing/knee jerk reaction I had to him was the result of me having given up so much of who I really am as person just to be with him and the feeling of dissappointment that he did not know the real me (one who would not have sex with his friends) and did not stop her from coming (didnt steaight up tell her Do Not Go There....she wouldve listened if he got loud thats his sun mars conjunction people listen when gets loud)...that was like a huge exhallation from my core my soul, and its taken a year for my little soul to breathe in and refill my character/ego/spirit/persona back to its normal Veronica Velocity.
So the Venus action is very very nice
T.Mars conjuct N.Mercury
Well I wouldnt be writtinv this if this wasnt going on. Infact it was this all to familiar Martian energy I had been feeling for the past few day that really hit me and made me instinctively know that my beloved Mars was giving me some good action. It was this energy that allowed me to turn what could gave been very ugly altercations with several different groups of men this week into very postive and enhancing ones. For some reason this was tbe week that I had run ins with my dad my brother my brothers boss the furnace repair man the tow truck man the principle of the school (my boss) and two redneck poachers. Havnt talked to that many men in months (craigs house always seemed to have half a dozen men coming and going whic I hated being around for the most part).
Coulda been nasty fight with any of them but I arose and felt no triggers to set me off and was able to be my true self and assert and communicate my position positively with excellent outcomes.
T.Mars trine Uranus
I think that defibately fed into my new way of dealing with dad and brother so it didnt get ugly. Lots of car and furnace issues. I also noticed how I now feel energized and empowered back in my old skin but with a new force of light that enables me to be confident in my identity and who I am (and be able to see in a new way why Craig and dad project thier behaviors on me and are unable to see me as I am (it would rip apart thier egos to admit thier part in the relationship) and accept that while I did not ever cheat on Craig like he thinks (sexually with his friends) i did cheat him as much as he cheated me because I held back from him all that I truelly am and all my real gifts and talents and understandings because I was afraid he wouldnt like me with my wierd thoughts and embarrassing mannerisms and attention drawing presence and leave me. Well he left and I am just as much to blame because I had fear of loosing, an emotional attachment to a chemical reaction that is generated when I relate with him. He wont talk to me. He is terrified of me Im sure. I broke his heart by snapping as I did in an overreaction to behaviors I had previoysly and for quite some time tolerated. Ive of course have been actively trying all sorts of new and inventive ways to get him to open up to me again and not have a cold heart. But his character says he will hold my rash actions pretty tight for quiet some time so....
T.Mars square Saturn
I learned Im gonna mind my own business and work hard relearn myself. Im reading about genetics and neuroscience and quantum physics again, refreshing in my mind all the hard study and work I did before I met Craig and got swept into loosing who I am and allowing myself to have a false Ergone of me created in tbe man I loves head so that he thinks Im a crazy bipolar second class citizen instead of knowing who and what I really am and how freedom from the chains that bind us are ours if we keep reaching for the stars instead of reaching down to sling mud or feed an addiction to dull the pain.
I dont take pain killers id rather feel the pain and breathe tbrought it.
It was quite small things actually, but they were enough to give my feel good hormones a huge kick start.
I hadnt checked my transits since Jim mentioned my midpoint transit a few weeks ago. I honestly sometimes dont want to see what is coming, and then after somthing happens...i check. Sometimes it feels like checking it too often takes away some of the surprise in life that when good, i like and energizes me and when challenging seems to set me up for harder challenges that arise then necessary.
My transits
T. Sun trine N. Sun and Asc. (Which happens happens every year at this time and exains why I love Fall the most and general have always felt thriving at this time of year)
T Moon (full at that) trine Pluto
Very vivid dreams of dealing with the end of some of my major psychological barriers of insecurity, jealousy, and anger. I believe that I often rerun or playout scenarios through my dreams that In real life would bring out so strong enotions that I would seriously loose control and hurt myself or others. Its as if my mind knows Im going to encounter these incidence s as lets me practice before i am put in the real situation. This has happened in my dream life into real life for my entire life. I have often thought that not only do I have precogtion dreams but also premonition dreams and there is a big difference because precognition is about the mind, before thought, which is A huge Scorpionic trait....aka Promethian...again pre- thought.
Feelings come before thought though, at least in my world and that is the premonition dreams. Before feeling....
Anyways. I definitely think I have at least too types of dreams that manifest into reality, and I had one last night.
I know Neptune is thought to rule dreams but the moon is the luminary for all things subconsciou which is where dreams arise from.
T. Mon opposite N.Moon/jupiter/Neptune
Ill say that this full moon has been able to show me more of my vunerable spots yet in a way hard to articulate let me not be as reactively emotional and not overcome by lifes triggers that someimes can push me over my allready overly sensitive nature. I think if for example the T. Moon wS conjunct my n. Moon ect that the life issues I had to deal with would have not ended well and Id have been really super sad about my current situation...but because the moon is opposite....I feel good about them and where I am.
T. venus is trine my natal Sun and asc,
This obviously is wonderful and makes me feel espicially good in my own skin, self loved, confident, full of love and hope. Bout freaking time!! I very much feel more like my true self self then I have in a year. Its a year almost since that fight with the woman which really sent me into a huge down spiral of self loathing dissaciation and the awareness of how far I had slipped into the abyss of egolessness. Its almost like at this time last year, i was so full of my love for Craig that the sudden break up/distancing/knee jerk reaction I had to him was the result of me having given up so much of who I really am as person just to be with him and the feeling of dissappointment that he did not know the real me (one who would not have sex with his friends) and did not stop her from coming (didnt steaight up tell her Do Not Go There....she wouldve listened if he got loud thats his sun mars conjunction people listen when gets loud)...that was like a huge exhallation from my core my soul, and its taken a year for my little soul to breathe in and refill my character/ego/spirit/persona back to its normal Veronica Velocity.
So the Venus action is very very nice
T.Mars conjuct N.Mercury
Well I wouldnt be writtinv this if this wasnt going on. Infact it was this all to familiar Martian energy I had been feeling for the past few day that really hit me and made me instinctively know that my beloved Mars was giving me some good action. It was this energy that allowed me to turn what could gave been very ugly altercations with several different groups of men this week into very postive and enhancing ones. For some reason this was tbe week that I had run ins with my dad my brother my brothers boss the furnace repair man the tow truck man the principle of the school (my boss) and two redneck poachers. Havnt talked to that many men in months (craigs house always seemed to have half a dozen men coming and going whic I hated being around for the most part).
Coulda been nasty fight with any of them but I arose and felt no triggers to set me off and was able to be my true self and assert and communicate my position positively with excellent outcomes.
T.Mars trine Uranus
I think that defibately fed into my new way of dealing with dad and brother so it didnt get ugly. Lots of car and furnace issues. I also noticed how I now feel energized and empowered back in my old skin but with a new force of light that enables me to be confident in my identity and who I am (and be able to see in a new way why Craig and dad project thier behaviors on me and are unable to see me as I am (it would rip apart thier egos to admit thier part in the relationship) and accept that while I did not ever cheat on Craig like he thinks (sexually with his friends) i did cheat him as much as he cheated me because I held back from him all that I truelly am and all my real gifts and talents and understandings because I was afraid he wouldnt like me with my wierd thoughts and embarrassing mannerisms and attention drawing presence and leave me. Well he left and I am just as much to blame because I had fear of loosing, an emotional attachment to a chemical reaction that is generated when I relate with him. He wont talk to me. He is terrified of me Im sure. I broke his heart by snapping as I did in an overreaction to behaviors I had previoysly and for quite some time tolerated. Ive of course have been actively trying all sorts of new and inventive ways to get him to open up to me again and not have a cold heart. But his character says he will hold my rash actions pretty tight for quiet some time so....
T.Mars square Saturn
I learned Im gonna mind my own business and work hard relearn myself. Im reading about genetics and neuroscience and quantum physics again, refreshing in my mind all the hard study and work I did before I met Craig and got swept into loosing who I am and allowing myself to have a false Ergone of me created in tbe man I loves head so that he thinks Im a crazy bipolar second class citizen instead of knowing who and what I really am and how freedom from the chains that bind us are ours if we keep reaching for the stars instead of reaching down to sling mud or feed an addiction to dull the pain.
I dont take pain killers id rather feel the pain and breathe tbrought it.
Re: Veronica
this was stated in the thread on James Condor, but I wanted to put it here because really has a lot of meaning for me. I have a huge amount of martian energy and I know that when I have this energy misplaced it is a huge down fall. my personal issues of Jealousy, rage, anger, hatred as such when I turn them inward are just crippling to me, and reading statement now, (which I already knew in the front of my mind, but had not been able to help myself adapt in situations that trigger these reaction) really helped me move past some limiting thoughts and beliefs that I had held.
Jim said
" Mars is one of the forces in subconsciousness that houses our fear and hatred, and also our power: The exact same energy in us is WILL if turned outward in action, and fear and hatred if turned inward on ourselves by the simple act of NOT expressing the force outward."
I have trouble turning that energy outward, and it has been a bumppy ride becasue I am afraid to act, and direct my will, so I internalize this energy whihc is just a horrible to thing to do.
So thanks Jim, for this gem.
Jim said
" Mars is one of the forces in subconsciousness that houses our fear and hatred, and also our power: The exact same energy in us is WILL if turned outward in action, and fear and hatred if turned inward on ourselves by the simple act of NOT expressing the force outward."
I have trouble turning that energy outward, and it has been a bumppy ride becasue I am afraid to act, and direct my will, so I internalize this energy whihc is just a horrible to thing to do.
So thanks Jim, for this gem.
Re: Veronica
Felt inspired to share this....
Something I learned about me and my chart....
This morning when I went out at 5am to let the dogs piddle I was greeted by a clear sky full of lovely stars. It was so nice because for quite some time now different things have obsured the stars from my sight, clouds mostly but also a change in my morning routine that gets me up at 4 as well as the clocks moving back in savings time. Since Ive moved I see the constellations from a new angle. Well....lol...it wasnt the stars that moved but my perspective. From my front porch I now have the most incredible unobstructed view of 180 degree almost of the sky. At my old home, because of the dense ancient trees that surrounded me I had bits and pieces of the spectacle in the sky. I always looked but It just wasnt the entire picture that my soul craved.
In the past 2 and a half months I have had the spoiled pleasure of watching my most beloved constellation trapse from my left slowly making headway to where he is now, most prominately to the right.
I sat there gazing up at my Stars and my little dog let out a howl to let me know a deer was approaching from behind. Funny thing how the real world is a mirror of the sky as I gave a nod to Sirius and was ever so thankful that he was right there, fixed in the sky following His beloved Orion. One day I knew that Sirius will not be seen. One day Orion will walk across the sky alone. Maybe. Maybe not.
Maybe one day all the stars that compose my beloved Orion will fade, and the dog star will Himself be alone. Who really knows which way it will go. For sure though the light I see from these twinkling stars are from so far away that the star itself is no longer and what I see now is like a ghost of what once was...somewhere far away.
I sat there thinking these big expansive thought and I cried a little tear. I was so happy to have that fixed star so I always could find my way. I was so happy that it was always right there at the heels of my beloved constellation following as a love struck puppy will. I know that feeling to well.
I named my own son after my favorite stars for a million and one reasons and this morning I thought of another. He is the one who holds me down and keeps me grounded in what is real. He is the one who pushes and pulls at me to get things going, to dream, to work, to feel, to break free of my own limitations, to strive ever to be the best I can be, to never give up, and mostly to be exactly who I am. Because with out me being authentic me, well he wouldnt be, and he is. Just like the stars in the sky, he was meant to trapse across the sky like the fearless hunter stalking his prey, he was meant to befriend a pup and give his love to it, he was meant to raise his arms and shout "look at me Mom". A mirror of the sky.
As another tear dripped from my eye I realized that like the stars, my own son will pass from my eye, that like the stars he moved from babe to boy to man...right before my eyes and in a twinkle one day he will leave my sight and go on to be something else. The stars that hold his body in the sky have too moved on to be something else. They burst or collapsed or chilled or a million other things that happen when stars "die". They become something else though we dont know which what or how but they change and our limited language grasps to explain it. Yet nothing ends forever, energy is just changed form and what was once a strong burning star may well burst into an atomic bomb scattering stardust into the far reaches of the galaxy. Like my boy, he may burst unto the threshold of adult and take it by storm and make his own way and path on this world. That is what little boys do best.
But what of little girls? As I look into the sky and see my beloved boy growing up and moving on, I pause always and think of my mini me, my daughter, whom my Aunt wanted me to name Cassiopeia. Lol....my daughter though is not in the sky, she is not like the burning stars way up high. As my thoughts turned to her I fell my heart open as if a deep cavern had been unlocked and I felt my soul going inside to the chamber where My most prescious memory dwells. She and I are entangled in a most beautiful way and while my son dances in the sky fighting off demons and villians and being my steady fixed star, she will always be right there inside me waiting and content in her own world of endless possibilities in which we together explore.
My children and I are the most amazing combination of forces. Together we have it all. It is diminishing to explain but when My daughter came into this world and joined forces with me and my son, an amazing unity formed so that we three are almost as one. It was so enchanting to me to be apart of their early life and to play and eat and share time with them. I soaked it up because I knew things would change, but i knew this stellium of a connection was an inexhaustable source for us to draw from and move in tandum through life. I felt our dynamic on such a deep level it moved me to keep outside interferences out. All of us did, subconsciously. It was as if we all knew that we were best together as three and didnt want any other patterns of energy, people convoluting it. We quite literally drove others away so that we could enjoy being us. It was not conscious it was more like an act of gravity or magnetism in which we did attempt to relate to others, thier father, my father, thier step siblings and grandmother, but we innately felt the dissonance those peoples energies brought to our own relationship and just left it alone. This rejection has hurt others and confused them and been upsetting and trying for us all because socity dicates that family should relate.....yet we had no desire too.
As the sun now creeps way above the horizon I am reminded though that times goes on and things change and that thier is a higher purpose to everything. My children and I have a dynamic unmatched together and we three will always have that to draw upon and reflect upon and build upon. It is. We are. But it is only one part of who we are because like life we are not alone and we are part of a bigger picture and as we move through space and time we will bump up against others and some we will like and some we will not and some we may be neutral with...who knows.
I am thankful for the gift of my children who in all reality are not mine but only apart of what is everything and nothing. I am most thankful for our time, for that is the most prescious thing and fills me with love and hope.
I wrote this after reflecting on our combined midpoint chart in which we have 6 planets mostly conjunct in Saggitarius,( sun moon mercury venus neptune uranus) fed in with mars pluto....and blessed with a kiss from jupiter
Something I learned about me and my chart....
This morning when I went out at 5am to let the dogs piddle I was greeted by a clear sky full of lovely stars. It was so nice because for quite some time now different things have obsured the stars from my sight, clouds mostly but also a change in my morning routine that gets me up at 4 as well as the clocks moving back in savings time. Since Ive moved I see the constellations from a new angle. Well....lol...it wasnt the stars that moved but my perspective. From my front porch I now have the most incredible unobstructed view of 180 degree almost of the sky. At my old home, because of the dense ancient trees that surrounded me I had bits and pieces of the spectacle in the sky. I always looked but It just wasnt the entire picture that my soul craved.
In the past 2 and a half months I have had the spoiled pleasure of watching my most beloved constellation trapse from my left slowly making headway to where he is now, most prominately to the right.
I sat there gazing up at my Stars and my little dog let out a howl to let me know a deer was approaching from behind. Funny thing how the real world is a mirror of the sky as I gave a nod to Sirius and was ever so thankful that he was right there, fixed in the sky following His beloved Orion. One day I knew that Sirius will not be seen. One day Orion will walk across the sky alone. Maybe. Maybe not.
Maybe one day all the stars that compose my beloved Orion will fade, and the dog star will Himself be alone. Who really knows which way it will go. For sure though the light I see from these twinkling stars are from so far away that the star itself is no longer and what I see now is like a ghost of what once was...somewhere far away.
I sat there thinking these big expansive thought and I cried a little tear. I was so happy to have that fixed star so I always could find my way. I was so happy that it was always right there at the heels of my beloved constellation following as a love struck puppy will. I know that feeling to well.
I named my own son after my favorite stars for a million and one reasons and this morning I thought of another. He is the one who holds me down and keeps me grounded in what is real. He is the one who pushes and pulls at me to get things going, to dream, to work, to feel, to break free of my own limitations, to strive ever to be the best I can be, to never give up, and mostly to be exactly who I am. Because with out me being authentic me, well he wouldnt be, and he is. Just like the stars in the sky, he was meant to trapse across the sky like the fearless hunter stalking his prey, he was meant to befriend a pup and give his love to it, he was meant to raise his arms and shout "look at me Mom". A mirror of the sky.
As another tear dripped from my eye I realized that like the stars, my own son will pass from my eye, that like the stars he moved from babe to boy to man...right before my eyes and in a twinkle one day he will leave my sight and go on to be something else. The stars that hold his body in the sky have too moved on to be something else. They burst or collapsed or chilled or a million other things that happen when stars "die". They become something else though we dont know which what or how but they change and our limited language grasps to explain it. Yet nothing ends forever, energy is just changed form and what was once a strong burning star may well burst into an atomic bomb scattering stardust into the far reaches of the galaxy. Like my boy, he may burst unto the threshold of adult and take it by storm and make his own way and path on this world. That is what little boys do best.
But what of little girls? As I look into the sky and see my beloved boy growing up and moving on, I pause always and think of my mini me, my daughter, whom my Aunt wanted me to name Cassiopeia. Lol....my daughter though is not in the sky, she is not like the burning stars way up high. As my thoughts turned to her I fell my heart open as if a deep cavern had been unlocked and I felt my soul going inside to the chamber where My most prescious memory dwells. She and I are entangled in a most beautiful way and while my son dances in the sky fighting off demons and villians and being my steady fixed star, she will always be right there inside me waiting and content in her own world of endless possibilities in which we together explore.
My children and I are the most amazing combination of forces. Together we have it all. It is diminishing to explain but when My daughter came into this world and joined forces with me and my son, an amazing unity formed so that we three are almost as one. It was so enchanting to me to be apart of their early life and to play and eat and share time with them. I soaked it up because I knew things would change, but i knew this stellium of a connection was an inexhaustable source for us to draw from and move in tandum through life. I felt our dynamic on such a deep level it moved me to keep outside interferences out. All of us did, subconsciously. It was as if we all knew that we were best together as three and didnt want any other patterns of energy, people convoluting it. We quite literally drove others away so that we could enjoy being us. It was not conscious it was more like an act of gravity or magnetism in which we did attempt to relate to others, thier father, my father, thier step siblings and grandmother, but we innately felt the dissonance those peoples energies brought to our own relationship and just left it alone. This rejection has hurt others and confused them and been upsetting and trying for us all because socity dicates that family should relate.....yet we had no desire too.
As the sun now creeps way above the horizon I am reminded though that times goes on and things change and that thier is a higher purpose to everything. My children and I have a dynamic unmatched together and we three will always have that to draw upon and reflect upon and build upon. It is. We are. But it is only one part of who we are because like life we are not alone and we are part of a bigger picture and as we move through space and time we will bump up against others and some we will like and some we will not and some we may be neutral with...who knows.
I am thankful for the gift of my children who in all reality are not mine but only apart of what is everything and nothing. I am most thankful for our time, for that is the most prescious thing and fills me with love and hope.
I wrote this after reflecting on our combined midpoint chart in which we have 6 planets mostly conjunct in Saggitarius,( sun moon mercury venus neptune uranus) fed in with mars pluto....and blessed with a kiss from jupiter
Re: Veronica
Ive spent some time now looking at my progressed charts and a few others and I think I now understand my life and my choices much better and I also feel equipt to make better choices for myself.
I have my own dreams and needs and they are good healthy beautiful things and not filled with lies deciet childish games and cruel manipulations.
Im cutting out of my life all things that do not want to help me meet my needs and fulfill my dreams.
It is so sad to me to see all the people in my life be afflicted by alcoholism, drug addiction, bigotry, sexism, racism and soul killing hate fear anger and self inflicted suffering.
But thats not who I am
I am a Unicorn
A being of love and beauty and kindness and filled with a child like wonder of the world.
Craig can have all the wannabeme girls he wants and and play baby games with his high school buddies and make other girls cry.
Eric can drown in his self loathing and
My family can gossip about themselves.
My potential is yet untapped and I am the double hub not them.
Thank you for your kind patience while I remembered who I was but more importantly...who I am.
I am grateful and thankful for you all sharing with me.
I hope you all have a happy thanksgiving...each and everyday.
I have my own dreams and needs and they are good healthy beautiful things and not filled with lies deciet childish games and cruel manipulations.
Im cutting out of my life all things that do not want to help me meet my needs and fulfill my dreams.
It is so sad to me to see all the people in my life be afflicted by alcoholism, drug addiction, bigotry, sexism, racism and soul killing hate fear anger and self inflicted suffering.
But thats not who I am
I am a Unicorn
A being of love and beauty and kindness and filled with a child like wonder of the world.
Craig can have all the wannabeme girls he wants and and play baby games with his high school buddies and make other girls cry.
Eric can drown in his self loathing and
My family can gossip about themselves.
My potential is yet untapped and I am the double hub not them.
Thank you for your kind patience while I remembered who I was but more importantly...who I am.
I am grateful and thankful for you all sharing with me.
I hope you all have a happy thanksgiving...each and everyday.
-
FlorencedeZ.
- Zodiac Member
- Posts: 373
- Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 6:58 am
Re: Veronica
Thank you Veronica for all that you shared. Your posts always remind me how healing it can be to write things down and reflect as to grow and understand ourselves and others better.
I hope your backpain has eased since I know that one is incapable of enjoying even the littlest things when constantly having to live with that.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I hope your backpain has eased since I know that one is incapable of enjoying even the littlest things when constantly having to live with that.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Re: Veronica
Happy Thanksgiving to you Veronica, and all. If I could find my lost magical wand, I would make all of our pains go away forever.
Re: Veronica
Thank you Flo,
Your words always are so beautiful to hear.
As a fellow Scorpio moon native I admire your cool depth of compassion and kinship.
Im rereading a book by one of my favorite authors Bruce Lipton, _ The Honeymoon Effect_ which is a biochemical exploration into maintaining harmony.
In the beginning of the book he gives a nod to Astrology, "Even astrologers recognize that when individuals become conscious,, astrology isnt as accurate because people become less predictible. Instead of automaticlly reacting to the energetic field around us that includes the tides and the pull of planets, we can modify our own vibrationd and our responses to the vibrations of others."
Thats the self mastery I am aiming to attain. I was close once and it was beautiful. When Jupiter reminded me of other tools that are avaible to help me with my pain, She stoked a little ember I had tucked away and I have been feeding it with lots of yoga and breathing. Its helping and I am confident that once I purge all the toxic goop out of my being from a few years of severly poor consumtion habits I will be better then ever.
I tried to be normal, eating junk, deprivation of sleep, wine, canabis, and popular culture. Have to try everything once, and I did and I know its not good for my soul.
I know too that in relating to others, i need open honest clear communication from the heart. Thats what I have to give, and I will always speak my truth, but I will not extend myself anymore to people who have consistently lied and speak from a place of fear or anger.
If they are afraid to be open and honest with themselves and with me, thats thier issue and I am not responsible for thier soul work.
Im really excited about the clarity of mind and pureness of heart I am feeling. I am a very strong person and it took me putting on facades to see that if someone is jealous of my power, then I need to leave them alone and let them grow into thier own.
Your words always are so beautiful to hear.
As a fellow Scorpio moon native I admire your cool depth of compassion and kinship.
Im rereading a book by one of my favorite authors Bruce Lipton, _ The Honeymoon Effect_ which is a biochemical exploration into maintaining harmony.
In the beginning of the book he gives a nod to Astrology, "Even astrologers recognize that when individuals become conscious,, astrology isnt as accurate because people become less predictible. Instead of automaticlly reacting to the energetic field around us that includes the tides and the pull of planets, we can modify our own vibrationd and our responses to the vibrations of others."
Thats the self mastery I am aiming to attain. I was close once and it was beautiful. When Jupiter reminded me of other tools that are avaible to help me with my pain, She stoked a little ember I had tucked away and I have been feeding it with lots of yoga and breathing. Its helping and I am confident that once I purge all the toxic goop out of my being from a few years of severly poor consumtion habits I will be better then ever.
I tried to be normal, eating junk, deprivation of sleep, wine, canabis, and popular culture. Have to try everything once, and I did and I know its not good for my soul.
I know too that in relating to others, i need open honest clear communication from the heart. Thats what I have to give, and I will always speak my truth, but I will not extend myself anymore to people who have consistently lied and speak from a place of fear or anger.
If they are afraid to be open and honest with themselves and with me, thats thier issue and I am not responsible for thier soul work.
Im really excited about the clarity of mind and pureness of heart I am feeling. I am a very strong person and it took me putting on facades to see that if someone is jealous of my power, then I need to leave them alone and let them grow into thier own.
Re: Veronica
Thanks Steve!SteveS wrote: Thu Nov 22, 2018 5:19 am Happy Thanksgiving to you Veronica, and all. If I could find my lost magical wand, I would make all of our pains go away forever.
You too
Pain is unavoidable but suffer is optional.
But i get your sentiment and since I didnt loose my magic wand, its right over there.....I will get to waving it around and you should feel better in about 11 minutes give or take a few arcs or degrees
Re: Veronica
Veronica wrote:
I am already feeling the positive effects of you waving your wand Veronica.But i get your sentiment and since I didnt loose my magic wand, its right over there.....I will get to waving it around and you should feel better in about 11 minutes give or take a few arcs or degrees
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Jupiter Sets at Dawn
- Irish Member
- Posts: 3522
- Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 7:03 pm
Re: Veronica
Happy Thanksgiving, Veronica. Remember everything in life is two steps forward, one step back. That goes for all of us. Don't let the step back discourage you. As long as you keep moving (dancing...) you'll be all right.
Re: Veronica
Jupiter Sets at Dawn wrote: Thu Nov 22, 2018 7:55 am Happy Thanksgiving, Veronica. Remember everything in life is two steps forward, one step back. That goes for all of us. Don't let the step back discourage you. As long as you keep moving (dancing...) you'll be all right.
Had a very Happy Day at home with my kiddos, and then took a very nice hike in the woods. It was beautiful, no one was around so I got to let my dog run free and it was so cold that the snow made crunchy noises in an otherwise silent woods. I watched the sun set in the west just as the moon rose full orange in the east. I do love my walks when no one is around and my pup can frolic with out care.
Thanks for the reminder about dancing. As pessimist I know would say something similiar "one step forward and two steps back". Im glad Im an optimist.
It does seem like thats the way things move though, two forward one back, and I think its because if you just march on step after step after step after step, you dont leave a trail. But if you tango forward two steps, and sashay back one, stepping back where you where, you mat down the trail a bit more so that others can follow.
When I was 18 I was following a spiritual tradtion that inspired/advocated the practioner to take a motto to espouse. I had been studying latin on my own and reading classic Literature at the time and fell in love with a phrase that encapsulated how I wanted to live my life.
Your reminder brought it to the front of my mind from the deep recesses of my heart.
· "et vera incessu patuit Dea."
Im going to go eat some pie and warm up with a new book we got at the library. I love reading kid books as a break from my more heady non fiction. Its called _The Other Wood_ and its a fantasty book for children that explains quantum physics.!! Cool stuff
Re: Veronica
Fantastic Steve!SteveS wrote: Thu Nov 22, 2018 7:53 am Veronica wrote:I am already feeling the positive effects of you waving your wand Veronica.But i get your sentiment and since I didnt loose my magic wand, its right over there.....I will get to waving it around and you should feel better in about 11 minutes give or take a few arcs or degrees
Frabjuous day Calou Calli
I gotta tell you this bc its an amazing storey.....
So I went and pick up my magic wand and was getting my mojo all ready to send out good healing vibes for the whole world and I thought Id add a little special ballet spin to really add so umph and get the sparks flying all over the place.
So I spun and dpun and spun around getting dizzy and laughing at the silly sensations of getting dizzy...
And youll never guess what happened.....
Ill just tell you
Bc like I said
Youll never guess
That dang magic wand flew right outa my hand and across the room.
Which would have been just fine, but you see, i have a German Sheppard. Her favorite game is fetch.
She saw that flying wand and took of after it and grabbed it. Bc i was so darn dizzy I didnt even know what had happened and before you could say supercalifagalicticexpealidous she had chomped it up and was eating the wand!!
Yup
My dog at my magic wand.
So there I stood, swooning still from my frenzied spinning thinking to myself. Oh crud, Steven was counting on some hot juputiorian action coming his way and now my magic wand is gone!! What am I gonna do???!!
Well...not to be put off by lack of tools I did what any natural Scorpio moon lass would do....I wiggled my nose like Samatha Stevens and said, Scrumdiddlyumtious 3x bc thats the magic word for today. And wala....you did feel better and I didnt need a wand after all.
Now I have to go have a talk with my dog about how we dont eat sticks bc tomorrow she is going to have a little pain herself.
Re: Veronica
Well
Today was the day.
Transiting sun is exactly quintile my natal pluto
I was driving on my way to work when it hit. It was horrible.
I knew it was coming. It was inevitible. I just didnt think it was going to happen the way it did.
Ive been getting up at 3 lately and taking advantage of my semi dream state to work on reprograming some subconscious messages I had that no longer serve me.
Working on becoming akin to what chemists call "nobel gases"
Then around four I start my yoga practice and breathwork.
About 5:15. My pups cant hold there bladder anymore so we go out and walk.
Then mundane abulutions to get ready for work...ie shower, dress, make lunch, eat breakfast wake kids....
Then we hit the road and drive listening to news, weather and what not....
And then I drop off kids and I pop in a motivational cd to play on my way to work.
Steve, good music never hurts you hummmm....?
Me neither...
But apparently it can hurt other things.
Ive been reflecting on my dad as he is in hospital again (2 weeks now) and will have to have his foot amputated. He down loaded a lot of subconscious messages into me...espicially about Liberty, patriotism, and the sumpreme power of love....
Ive been needing a focus for my neptune transit mars that Im under and not wanting to waste that great opportunity on mirages....so Ive embraced better parts of my core character and apects....which have a lot to do with being the best citizen of the planet as I can.
But....Jim said Scorpios are like volcanos....so I got that working for me as well.
So I popped in my cd to get my lava flowing...
Here is the song....
https://youtu.be/eCM2dEWGf-o
And gosh darn that quintile.......
I blew out my last speaker in my 20 year old sedan...
Now what.
Its the worst. Im so bummed.
Now I have to sing myself
Today was the day.
Transiting sun is exactly quintile my natal pluto
I was driving on my way to work when it hit. It was horrible.
I knew it was coming. It was inevitible. I just didnt think it was going to happen the way it did.
Ive been getting up at 3 lately and taking advantage of my semi dream state to work on reprograming some subconscious messages I had that no longer serve me.
Working on becoming akin to what chemists call "nobel gases"
Then around four I start my yoga practice and breathwork.
About 5:15. My pups cant hold there bladder anymore so we go out and walk.
Then mundane abulutions to get ready for work...ie shower, dress, make lunch, eat breakfast wake kids....
Then we hit the road and drive listening to news, weather and what not....
And then I drop off kids and I pop in a motivational cd to play on my way to work.
Steve, good music never hurts you hummmm....?
Me neither...
But apparently it can hurt other things.
Ive been reflecting on my dad as he is in hospital again (2 weeks now) and will have to have his foot amputated. He down loaded a lot of subconscious messages into me...espicially about Liberty, patriotism, and the sumpreme power of love....
Ive been needing a focus for my neptune transit mars that Im under and not wanting to waste that great opportunity on mirages....so Ive embraced better parts of my core character and apects....which have a lot to do with being the best citizen of the planet as I can.
But....Jim said Scorpios are like volcanos....so I got that working for me as well.
So I popped in my cd to get my lava flowing...
Here is the song....
https://youtu.be/eCM2dEWGf-o
And gosh darn that quintile.......
I blew out my last speaker in my 20 year old sedan...
Now what.
Its the worst. Im so bummed.
Now I have to sing myself
Last edited by Veronica on Tue Dec 04, 2018 3:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Veronica
Thanks Veronica for getting my day started on a high note with Prince song: "Lets go Crazy"
Now lets try a little personal dancing:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdLa-v ... y8KgBIqq8w
Now lets try a little personal dancing:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdLa-v ... y8KgBIqq8w
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Jupiter Sets at Dawn
- Irish Member
- Posts: 3522
- Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 7:03 pm
Re: Veronica
Did it blow out a speaker? Or did it vibrate the speaker enough to separate the wires?
Because wires can be fixed. By you. It's easy if you take your time and do things like match up the wire colors and let the solder flow itself instead of trying to force it.
You could replace that speaker too. Check walmart for a car speaker that will fit. Under $20 for a pair.
Because wires can be fixed. By you. It's easy if you take your time and do things like match up the wire colors and let the solder flow itself instead of trying to force it.
You could replace that speaker too. Check walmart for a car speaker that will fit. Under $20 for a pair.
Re: Veronica
Your Welcome!SteveS wrote: Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:18 am Thanks Veronica for getting my day started on a high note with Prince song: "Lets go Crazy"
Now lets try a little personal dancing:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdLa-v ... y8KgBIqq8w
Prince is a very under rated guitarist IMHO....I liked him way before Purple Rain, and Little Red Corvette (though that song is pretty mars scorpio for me).
Loved that dancing man!! Men who can boogie have a very good root chakra going on as well a a strong Sun...probably angular or aspecting mars or something.
This young fella has been impressing me for years. His super bowl performance brought tears to my eyes...
https://youtu.be/dptqCpxAIGE
Re: Veronica
It sounds like rice crispies...snap crackle pop.Jupiter Sets at Dawn wrote: Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:28 am Did it blow out a speaker? Or did it vibrate the speaker enough to separate the wires?
Because wires can be fixed. By you. It's easy if you take your time and do things like match up the wire colors and let the solder flow itself instead of trying to force it.
You could replace that speaker too. Check walmart for a car speaker that will fit. Under $20 for a pair.
I allready have the door taken apart because my door gandles (both) are broken and I tried to fix em....but I needed a special tool to get at the screw....then I knocked the window off the guide to go up n down...so I hadnt bothered. Im pretty good fixing things, it just so cold and yucky out. I messed around with it this morning and got some sound down low.
Ill just play it really low....Ill still sing loudly though.
Re: Veronica
Great dancing shots in that Video Veronica, really appreciate, that kind of dancing always releases that inner child in all of us---magical.
Re: Veronica
I grew up watching classic musicals. I love to dance. I love all kinds of dance. I learned ballet and danced with my mother. I learned hula dance as a child and last year my coworker was a Turkish immigrant and we belly danced together at work. At the downtown library my 15 coworkers and i and would line dance to "achy breaky heart". Ive tried tap and jazz and even swing. Id love to try salsa and Ive got a bitta hood in me to hip hop, breakdance and get funky with it. I met my ex husband working at a strip club, never danced there except before the club opened and the owner would let me swing around the pole. Im about to watch the NutCracker which is all about the child in us. That clip has most of my favorite movies in it. John Travolta shares my birthday and as a child I thought that was something and disco is extra special fun. I can Irish jig and even waltz a bit. Maybe someday Ill get to slow dance too. Ya never know.