Solunars by Aldebaran Sidereal Academy

Thank you for checking....

You had said previously for this months lunar that you expected curiosity and learning something new and while I dont feel that I was the curious one or learning....I was that day back at work in the Middle School guiding the brand new 5th graders through the ropes of the educational system and very much immersed with very curious little people eager to learn about everything.

I think these next two weeks are going to be just swell. I am feeling and thinking much clearer in the past few days and while I am struggling with somethings like being a single parent of teens and all those demands I feel that I am able to see the clearer skies ahead and have great hope for my future.

SteveS wrote: Wed Sep 18, 2019 11:17 am

I have very good news.
I got my first paycheck since June and I got a very nice wage increase from the hard work of my Union reps.

Steve
Your little smiley face cheered me up thank you. Been feeling progressively better all day....literally hour by hour in a very powerful badass way.....almost feel like a teenager again which is my normal.
In fact I was so intrigued by this this huge shift in my emotional core that I felt certain something else...not this demilunar jupiter/jupiter angleness.
And then I thought of your smiley face Steve.
And then I looked at my solar acrs

Curious to know when my solar arch Uranus is exactly conjunct my moon/ neptune? When I looked just now it appears to me that Uranus is at 7' 11' Scorpio.
Also curious when my solar arc Venus is exactly conjunct my Midhaven as it appears to me to be at 9 degrees Aquarius now?

That might have a lot to do with me shaking away the yucky crude and feeling like a old (young at heart) self.

Veronica wrote:

I have very good news.
I got my first paycheck since June and I got a very nice wage increase from the hard work of my Union reps.

Veronica wrote:

Been feeling progressively better all day....literally hour by hour in a very powerful badass way.....almost feel like a teenager again which is my normal.

I have always admired your bounce-back posts because you seem to have a natural gifted way bouncing back from adversity in your life. I think it has a-lot to do with that magical inner child in your soul which appears to always come to your rescue. Never let life defeat that natural teenage/child within your soul, it is your natural saving grace you were born with.

Veronica wrote:

Curious to know when my solar arch Uranus is exactly conjunct my moon/ neptune? When I looked just now it appears to me that Uranus is at 7' 11' Scorpio. Also curious when my solar arc Venus is exactly conjunct my Midhaven as it appears to me to be at 9 degrees Aquarius now?

Exactly! Great benefic observation for your future time in your life, both of these important solar arc hits will be partile for many more months. Your solar arc Uranus exactly cnj your Natal Moon Ap 10 2020, and your solar arc Venus exactly cnj your Natal MC June 8 2020.

Veronica wrote:

That might have a lot to do with me shaking away the yucky crude and feeling like a old (young at heart) self.

Indeed girl.

I do bounce.
Had a real trampoline for a while.
Loved it.

One of the people I admire for running for president wrote a book calked A Course in Miracles and while I didnt read it something she espoused was the simple phrase remember who you are. When life hits me....I forget...and get knocked down....but once my head/heart stops throbbing that phrase pops into my mind and its like a time machine that brings me back to who I am and what gifts I have in this life and how good life is.

I seem to see in my solar arch chart that my natal Mercury is opposite my SA Asc...which means its conjunct my SA Dec.
My natal Dec is my most direct midpoint...venus and mars. I am curious does that mean that my natal mercury is now conjunct my SA midpoint? Do midpoints progress like that? It feels to me that they would.

Solar Arcs... you don't need to go that far to find what changed.
Transiting Jupiter has just come into partile sextile of your natal Mercury - 54'. Juptiter is moving at the rate of 6'44" a day, so the next 17 days should be pretty good. T Jupiter is also conjunct N Mars (33') so don't spend all that money in one place! If you can, try to hang onto it for the next 6 days.

Veronica wrote:

... something she espoused was the simple phrase remember who you are. 

Indeed! One of the great things about astrology it helps us to understand better who we are with our astrological natal structures relative to our immediate environments, (know thyself). I think this helps us bounce back from negative encounters with other people. It helps us realize that ourselves are our closest companion which must experience the structures of our Natal Charts and its chart's extension through time.

Veronica wrote:

I seem to see in my solar arch chart that my natal Mercury is opposite my SA Asc...which means its conjunct my SA Dec.

Exactly Veronica! A most important observation for your life experiences now, the orb is 1,03 which means your natal Mercury is still partile cnj your Solar Arc Dsc. This probably would have a-lot to do with either your attitude toward others or other close relationships attitudes toward you.

Veronica wrote:

My natal Dec is my most direct midpoint...venus and mars.

Exactly, the eclipto orb 0,59, but never forget your angular Natal Pluto is potently wired into your Direct Midpoint of Venus/Mars =Asc-Dsc by being partile 90.

Veronica wrote and asked:

I am curious does that mean that my natal mercury is now conjunct my SA midpoint?

Yes, your natal Mercury is now partile cnj your Solar Arc Asc/Dsc axis. What this means is the cosmic structure of your Natal Direct Midpoint of Venus/Mars with Natal Pluto 90 this Direct Midpoint of Venus/Mars = Natal Asc-Dsc axis partile 90 Natal Pluto will always go with whatever your Solar Arc Asc-Dsc axis is toughing partile to your Natal Factors—so yes indeed—you would now be experiencing in your life as a main life development a potent combination of Mercury-Venus- Pluto-Asc-Dsc. Veronica, do you feel like this important life development in your life involving your Solar Arc Asc/Dsc is timing certain Mercury-Venus-Pluto crises with your daughter??? Also, it is important to realize with your Natal Mercury now partile cnj your Solar Arc Asc-Dsc axis it will bring some type of learning (Mercury) influence into your life. It appears to me you are beginning to see (learn) more about the importance of Solar Arc Directions timing important time frames in your life?

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Veronica wrote:

... something she espoused was the simple phrase remember who you are. 

Steve wrote:

Indeed! One of the great things about astrology it helps us to understand better who we are with our astrological natal structures relative to our immediate environments, (know thyself). I think this helps us bounce back from negative encounters with other people. It helps us realize that ourselves are our closest companion which must experience the structures of our Natal Charts and its chart's extension through time.

I agree that it helps us understand who we are, thus it also leads to the acceptance of our inborn natural characteristics that we are gifted with, and not only helps us bounce back from encounters we perceive as negative with people in our environment, but from events such as my recent loss of my beloved pup. we are our closest companion through out our existence and if we hope to be able to relate in a healthy way to others and our world then we must learn how to relate best with ourselves and know our strengths and challenges. no other psychological tool compares to the truth of a persons inner life and its relationship with the outer environment like Sidereal Astrology.

Veronica wrote:

I seem to see in my solar arch chart that my natal Mercury is opposite my SA Asc...which means its conjunct my SA Dec.

Steve wrote:

Exactly Veronica! A most important observation for your life experiences now, the orb is 1,03 which means your natal Mercury is still partile cnj your Solar Arc Dsc. This probably would have a-lot to do with either your attitude toward others or other close relationships attitudes toward you.

I cant speak for others and how they experience me, but I have been aware of a shift in my own attitude in my relationships with others, my family for the most part, esp. my children and the friends that I deeply feel a kin too. I have spent a good while in consideration of what this mid point has meant for me through out my entire life and how I can see in a way how it has progressed from what I would say was a controlling and manipulative manner (based upon fears that I had at the time of my Ideal of love and a loving nature) and how this progression has matured into a more balanced and healthy aspect of my character.

Veronica wrote:

My natal Dec is my most direct midpoint...venus and mars.

Steve wrote:
Exactly, the eclipto orb 0,59, but never forget your angular Natal Pluto is potently wired into your Direct Midpoint of Venus/Mars =Asc-Dsc by being partile 90.

lol.....a very potent Pluto aspect.....not one to be forgotten....or not felt and expressed!!
yet I have felt a very profound awareness shift in the all or nothing component of Pluto, which my poor love Craig felt I am sure when I would have to break away and separate and clear my emotions and head from the over stimulus I would experience surrounded by his friends and associates. Scriptures around the world teach the truth how all things are interconnected and how we all are interdependent. and even though my lips could do that line service and say it till I was blue in the face, it hasn't been till semi recently with Pluto/Saturn conjunct in this current SSR, that I was able to really feel that connection, and the lack of separateness, and how the delineation of all or nothing superficially means a very physical reality of being apart of something or being a part but that the deeper psychological feeling of all or nothing is a huge deal and will either lift one to the highest or pull one into the depths of hell.
having Pluto aspect that direct midpoint changes the flavor of its progression through time, to either a vinegar or fine wine......depending on the attitude and environment, and I am grateful that through the good grace of the universe I was gifted with a friend like Jim who over time has shown me the benefits of good wine.

Veronica wrote and asked:

I am curious does that mean that my natal mercury is now conjunct my SA midpoint?

Steve wrote:

Yes, your natal Mercury is now partile cnj your Solar Arc Asc/Dsc axis. What this means is the cosmic structure of your Natal Direct Midpoint of Venus/Mars with Natal Pluto 90 this Direct Midpoint of Venus/Mars = Natal Asc-Dsc axis partile 90 Natal Pluto will always go with whatever your Solar Arc Asc-Dsc axis is toughing partile to your Natal Factors—so yes indeed—you would now be experiencing in your life as a main life development a potent combination of Mercury-Venus- Pluto-Asc-Dsc.

Veronica, do you feel like this important life development in your life involving your Solar Arc Asc/Dsc is timing certain Mercury-Venus-Pluto crises with your daughter??? Also, it is important to realize with your Natal Mercury now partile cnj your Solar Arc Asc-Dsc axis it will bring some type of learning (Mercury) influence into your life. It appears to me you are beginning to see (learn) more about the importance of Solar Arc Directions timing important time frames in your life?

thats a great question!
I would have to say that it is involved, for sure, but I might be more inclined to say that since this midpoint is a life point, an issue for my very core...my soul progression....I would interpret it more deeply then just that one event.
I talk deeply with my children. honestly and forthright, I have always been truthful and open with them about everything, and when that issue came up with her, I was at first taken aback mostly because it literally felt like she had left the building and Eric was there, and that shook me. yet it wasn't a true shock because I have studied psychology and biology and chemistry and so I knew that we have unconscious traits that we learned rote from our parents and environment. Her and I had always joked about her being a MiniMee, and it was a valuable lesson to us both to recognize that she has also a minihim. In talking with her about that event afterwards, we talked about subconscious programming and learned behaviors, and conditioned responses, and I stressed to her that while I have done my very best to teach her love and kindness and nurturing and survival, I have within me....my mom and dad.....and that when we become stressed we fall back into programs that are not authentic, healthy or helpful in response to crisis, and that is when the unhealthy conditioned responses get a chance to rear there heads.

I told her that while she has ingrained into her, parts of my habits and parts of eric habits, that the most most most important part is HER part, her chart, her gift from the Universe to get her through life. our individual natal chart has within it all that we need to help us survive and thrive in each and every moment of each and every day, if we allow it, and disallow ourselves to act out of accordance with our true selves. that acting out of accordance is where discourse chaos and pain arise from.

I also explained that stressful moments cut off blood to the frontal lobe of our brain and prevent us from thinking straight and authentically. I gave her examples from my life in dealing with the stresses from my relationships how I fell back on conditioned responses I had learned from my father and how unhealthy they were and how much it hurt Craig to have me say and act they way I did, out of my own immaturity and inability to cope effectively with what I was perceiving as threatening and overbearing situations.

Mercury has the keyword Interpretation and as I reflect on that meaning on my midpoint of Venus and Mars, I would have to say, as I struggle to find the words to express the actual thought, that it is likely that now that I am older and going through the life changes that women go through, Mercury coming into conjunction here, I now have the language skills to talk and share and articulate the wisdom I have learned about relationships between people because the understanding is now integrated. I have an aspect in me (youthful Aquarius) that makes me childish and naive and in the past I have fallen for peoples games and lies and such. not only have I fallen for them, but many many times I have known straight out I was being played and I went along with it because I was afraid to let my Scorpio Mars out.

One of the deeper teachings that I have studied is about the nature of the masculine and feminine polarity inherent in each one of us, how with in each person there is a maleness and a femaleness and how both of those parts are healthy and necessary. it is when these aspect of ourselves become unbalanced that we have conflict and illness. I have found though that this culture that we live in is gender biased, with a very negative ugly archetype of the female qualities, and that the energies of the female sex are subjugated to oppression and distortion and demonized.

it makes it very challenging to have healthy relationships with others when we live in a culture preoccupied with women being sexual objects for mens entertainment, instead of being allowed to be a human being, which we all are. for such a long part of my life, I played along with this, playing up to it in a way, in my relationship with Jason and with Eric. It wasn't until I dated Craig and have such a deep intimacy with him, and an eathshaking desire for that intimacy to expand and reach higher levels of love, that I understood how ingrained into my psyche that sexual icon archetype was, and how it was preventing me from deeper intimacy with him, holding us both back from a full time healthy relationship. While he may have the intense libido of a sun/mars conjuction, it is exquisitly placed in cancer, which inclined him to reject me as a sexual object and actually treat me as a human being.....which was alien to me, and uncomfortable because I then could not use sex, and sexuality as a playing card in the psychological/chemical interactions we had.

which was exactly what I truly want and need, as shown in the fact that I have my venus/mars midpoint on the des, in the first place. I need and crave a relationship in whihc I am not seen only as entertainment and a sexual toy. of course though with Pluto in that mix, I do have a huge edge on being seductive and sexy and loving and nurturing. The universe put that there for a very specific reason though. Craig once asked me, when i had batted my eyes at him, how it felt to be able to have any man do anything for me. He didnt realize though that I dont bat my eyes at men. I dont flirt. I dont lead men on. i dont play men.
I might be expressing my Aquarian youthfulness, but from my end its not flirting or being coy with them. He makes me bat my eyes, and sway my hips, and twinkle like a million stars in the heavens. the Universe put that powerful Pluto in the mix for us.

you had said before

realize that ourselves are our closest companion which must experience the structures of our Natal Charts and its chart's extension through time.

It would seem to me that the progressions shown in my character through my solar arcs is more about my own personal relationship with myself. all of the aspects and angles in my natal chart are there for me as an individual emanation of soul and spirit to experience and develop. this specific midpoint that is par tile now is more about my relationship with myself and how my life has unfolded based on the healthy choices I have made in the past and the unhealthy ones. It clearly drives home to me the importance of attitude and perception and how we are our own worst critic or our own best cheerleader. I have the capability based on m y natal chart gifts to be a sexy desirous intelligent loving kind powerful human being....regardless of who I may run into at the cornerstone or work with. the universe put those traits in me so that I would be able to meet my own needs as an incarnate soul. I need to express those traits and to feel free to express them openly and honestly and in a healthy way....in the privacy of my own home even more so then at work or shopping, or in the bedroom.

Steve wrote:

It appears to me you are beginning to see (learn) more about the importance of Solar Arc Directions timing important time frames in your life?

it feels like I am learning that I actually know absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.
there is always more.
always another layer.
always another aspect working
another mysterious force playing a card
and that each chart, each moment, each card has a deep profound truth and lesson to be learned and shared and that it is worthwhile to sit as long as it takes to watch a rosebud bloom because it is the most divine intimate and powerful experience that is worth every moment.
just when I think I have an understanding of astrology, I hear another vocabulary word that I have no clue about, and when I look it up i am blown away by its meaning and how it fits into what I thought I knew.

I appreciate the teachings of solar arch as I do solar returns, because I am the charcter who has lived her life as a Pronaian, the eternal optimist, who believes everything is a miracle.....and as if god is watching everything I do and is gonna talk to me about it all when I die....and the powerful truths of the unfolding of character in solar archs is undeniable for me as I look at them in my own chart. yet it is my faith and trust in the loving nature of the universe that almost compels me *NOT* to look at my unfolding charts, to not look for explanations via Solar archs and transits and returns......my nature says, all is well, all will be well, it is as it should be, Love is the law.....and I know that I am not acting in accordance to my latent trust and love and faith in the universe when I peek ahead in time to see what tides may be coming my way, because then I slip into the bad habits I have learned of fear and ego and resistance..... and that is where the pain and suffering and chaos arise from. I see things in the charts and my inexpierence at interpretation and my overly sensitive moon/neptune tend to have my mind run away with scary thoughts.

as an example....this mercury on my midpoint immediately brought to mind the fears that have been eating at my heart lately of both my children getting thier drivers license and the normal parential fears that come with that high risk activity, and the rememerence of the tragic death of my nephew in a horrible crash when he was 16. I am terrified at times of my son driving and being in an accidnet and dying. yet again though I have my faith that says that if that is what is to unfold for him then there is nothing I can do about it and it is a higher will then mine that drives the universe and that I completely trust that the universe is loving and good and it it only my limited perception that makes it otherwise.

Next year for my SSR I have Mars transiting right onto my angle. Square Pluto.
I dont want a fight or strife or agression. we humans fight and bicker and make issue out of the silliest insignificant things really and blow everything out of proportion....and I know I have done my share of that, and I dont want it and I dont want to act that way any more.

knowing that I have this aspect coming my way, I had a very open conversation with my daughter, who could possibly be a source of martian aggression. I shared with her how next year the universe has laid this experience out for me, and how I do not, do not, do not want to fight with her, to be her enemy, to be the source of her anger.....though as a mother that is part of the role I have to play-the rock in which she must push against......and I told her that before that time comes that I want her to think about all the bones of contention and anger and frustration that she has towards me.....in the role of mother....and how I would like in a very healthy open way to try and talk about and resolve any inner latent repressed emotions she may have, now, while we are both in a loving happy friendly and honest mindset, so that if something stressfull arises (like it will) we will not blow up at each other and say or do things we dont mean in a moment of reaction.

I will be honest with you I also think that these solar arch aspects that I have going on are part of a deeper layer, a longer layer of progressions through time. this incarnation is not the end and the fruits of these archs feel like a set up for something more then just this lifetime. it makes me think of a video game where you start out on your adventure with a simple skill, as as you advance in the game you get to power up, building upon the skills you have learned and mastered in each level.

Jupiter Sets at Dawn wrote: Thu Sep 19, 2019 6:43 pm Solar Arcs... you don't need to go that far to find what changed.
Transiting Jupiter has just come into partile sextile of your natal Mercury - 54'. Juptiter is moving at the rate of 6'44" a day, so the next 17 days should be pretty good. T Jupiter is also conjunct N Mars (33') so don't spend all that money in one place! If you can, try to hang onto it for the next 6 days.

Thanks Jupiter!!
Great Advice.
my brother nicknamed me squirrel girl because i stash cash very well. Will do! Felt so good to get up to date on some bills and buy some yummy food!! as skinny as I am I do love to eat:)

I am trying to gain skill at reading charts.
For a while now I have been thinking about how in a synastry comparison we look at the "others" chart as a transit chart to our own, so that the human being is seen as an event, as day to be lived through, yet torqued to the psychological slant that this is a living breathing human being with a will of its own which enables aspects to manifest in a semi contradiction or unique expression of that chart.

This way of looking at synastry makes me see how difficult it must be for some people to live with me and get along. The Angular planets and luminaries, as well as my conjunction and my midpoints are trying enough for me so I have a new found compassion for people who try to relate to me. Thank you all for that.

I also see now, and correct me if Im wrong, that partnerships, friendships, and intimate relationship between two people is in a way like the movue Groundhog day in which you are living under the same transits....everyday.

No wonder in this modern day that so many couple s do not have longevity. Its culturally taught in society to seek new, buy new, out with old, toss things away, the grass is greener, plenty of fish in the sea......consume each other and move on to the next buffet and slot machine.

Some days in my life are the most beautiful sunshiney fun adventurous whimsical grand and benevolent. Dreamy days that you never want to end. There is a great daily transit in that most likely or some other grand exact hit on a major aspect of the natal to shiw that.
As well....some days in my life are like my soul is veing ripped apart and ritting and bleak....and that day too would have a chart contrasting my natal (or a progression or return? Im still wondering deeper on that).

Being single now for some time I have spun the wheels around cgarts and tried to think of what type if person would I relate the best with. The ideal match. Ive thought about Suns hitting on my des or venus or Venus on my angles or a venus on my conjunction. Just dreaming and thinking and wondering if someout out there is built to handle such a chart as mine on a day to day.

Ive come to terms with being alone and doing my thing and I like my own company well enough. But I do have a lot of love and desire in me that I do wish I had someone to share with.

In thinking of others Ive paid attention now to transits and thought and felt deeply when I was expuerencing them....a nicely placed Sag. Day kisses my venus or my des and that feels nice....but with mercury bopping aroubd into capricorn or scorpio....

So Ive decided to just be me...and like me I put my utmost faith that the Universe knows whats its doing and will give me what I need when I need it. It always has.

I think Ive made real progress in my understanding of time and the cyclic nature of things. Especially in thinking of daily transits and each person as a specific moment in time that contributes to my entire environment.

Im very new to the idea of looking at lunar and demi returns and Im grateful for all the posts shared about them.

I have a new demi return thus thursday the 17th.
Now normally Id look at that chart on top of mine and try to get a feel for what might happen to me, in me.
Today though after thinking these past few days about things explained deeper here, i looked at that days daily transit first. To see what kind of day I feel it might be generally upon the whole region. Mars square saturn jumped out as a bit of possible uncomfortablness in the air. Sun square saturn. Also both squaring pluto....Venus opposes Uranus. Mars trines the moon.
Looks like a possible yucky day for some....
But yet some aspects seem like it might not be that bad of a day at all for others with a specific natal set up.

I am curious if this is a good technique....to first look at the transit/return chart first as a stand alone chart and see what the day is bringing forth in the region......AND THEN look at my own natal chart in comparison with. It is hard for me to blindly see the combination that are interacting in transits (ie venus mercury .....saturn pluto.....neptune....which seems to give saturn as a transiting midpoint between venus and Neptune) when they are placed around my natal.

This demi lunar has my natal jupiter conjunct the transiting IC as well as transiting mercury opposite my saturn. Doesnt seem like much else.
But yet because transiting venus (which is opposite transiting uranus) is aspecting transiting neptune which is strongly square my natal mars would I be correct to think that the blessing of venus and uranus are now blending with neptube which has been wearing away my strong mars? Little nuances of those aspects are what I can more easily pick up on when I look soley at the transit/return and not in combo with my natal.

I have a very sad day tomorrow as my 15 year old pup will be given back to God.
A part of me is so scared about loosing my other most beloved relatiobships this year. Ive lost so much and the though of my children dying ....Craig dying...my sister....
I choke back the tears because Feb is along way away and those people has some harsh returns themselves and right now it feels like if any of them were called back I would just crack in half from grief.
Ive never not had a dog to love.

I think I have made a lot of progress and I thank you all for bearing with me. I know I say some outlandish stuff and have moony neptune ways or coming across and I appreciate you all very much for helping me through these past few years...and longer for some of you....dark scarey alleyways and all.

I'm so sorry about your dog. Those of us with animals know on the very first day we bring them home, someday it will come to this. And yet we bring them home anyway.

Studying transits.. I think looking at the local transits for the over mood in the area and then your own transits sounds fine.

Thank you

Veronica, when the time is right try to find another pet dog. Dogs know more about love and devotion than any being on the planet and there are plenty of dogs out there who are desperately seeking someone to love.

Thank you Steve.
Ive had dogs my whole life. Ive never tried to find them, the universe seems to conspire to bring me what I need...either to give love or be the blessed receiver.
You are so right about Dogs and love.

One day when I was about 10 my dad had to take to a dr apt. I remember we had a dog that was dying who Was always there for me and showed so much love. The dog now was covered in mange and filth and wouldnt let anybody but me and my mom near it.
As I got ready to go I scratched his ears and rubbed his belly and kissed his head.
My dad got into the car after seeing this and yelled at me
" you treat that dog better then me.... Blah blah blah"

I didnt say a word but I thought...
Knowing he had just had a fist fight with my oldest brother.....
Thats because the dog doesnt beat up my brothers and make my sisters and mom cry.
Only love.
Dogs are love incarnate

I trust, like always that the universe will bring me what I need as it will to all of us.

I watched a movie last night called _The Public_ by Emilio Estevez. It is a movie about Liberty and Power and Freedom, and the liberty we in the USA have based upon our Constitution and It's Amendments specifically.

At one point in the movie I broke down into sobs, as I saw the out powering of love and support of a community rally around the fact that there was not enough room in the homeless shelters for all the homeless, who were freezing to death on the streets.

The homeless who could not get room at the shelters had organized an act of civil disobedience by refusing to leave the public library that night, because they had no where to go. One librarian stood with them, and acted as the spokesperson.

Now I know I can be a bit of a cry baby at times of deep emotional pressure, weddings, babies, graduations, separations and such move me. My biology just takes the reigns, even as i try to keep composer, use my mind, and not get swept up.....

I attribute much of this to the conjunction of the angular Moon/Neptune/Jupiter conjunction I have in Scorpio which is square my Aquarian Sun and aspecting Pluto.

This past week Mercury has been transiting opposite my natal Saturn, and I succumbed to stress and caught a major flu, which took hold in my lungs mostly. Unfortunately as this hit me, I also got news that my sister had been rushed to the hospital with a perforated bowel and a host of horrible infections and was in emergency surjury to save her life. Hours later my father was also rushed to the hospital with heart failure and infections in his bones which have never healed from his complications from diabetics.

I realized the other day as I sat flipping through my lunar returns that not only has Neptune been aspecting my mars....causing what i believe was my accident 2.5 years ago and the pain and suffering of that injury that had me bed ridden for months and in a state of pain so chronic that I was fearful that I was going to have to live out my days in crippling pain.....
but that Neptune has been aspecting my natal Venus, which is also an important midpoint for my sun and moon.

Venus is the love of my life, that beauty and affection and love and warmth and attraction.....at one point in my early life I dedicated myself to the Venusian Archetype because I wanted to bring more beauty into this cold world and i wanted to empower the ideals that I felt Venus instills and help shine light on all that is warm nd good and beautiful in this world. because this world is breathtaking. there is beauty in every blade of grass, and speckle of dirt, and drop of water. I see it and feel it with out having to try. yet others it seems just see crap.

and thats Saturn for ya.

This transit of Pluto and Saturn holding ground in Sagittarius seems to really be stressing out the whole world. All around it feels like everyone is feeling that punch in some way and is just hurting and hurting, and I feel so selfish for my moments of self pity and doubt and despair when I know that millions are going through similar things and even much much worse things.

Yet my own personal experience is all I know, all I have to say about and all I have to share, and while in my own world with my kids and family I have tried to remain Venusian and positive and happy and optimistic, I know that I have shared here with you all.....my pain and suffering and sorrow and yucky stuff.......I just had to get it out, I needed a safe place to let it out and share my experience of this transit and my interpretation of it and the effects it has been having on my whole entire being.

Sharing this all on line has been very healing for me, and I am so very grateful to each and everyone of you for your thoughts and feedback. Jupiter, you especially have shown me more kindness and love with your insights and patience. Your words bounce around in my head all the time until they finally click.

I am such a novice at astrology and I know you all must roll your eyes at somethings I say, which are blatantly wrong, but yet you dont jump down my throat and get in my face and tell me I am wrong and i am not seeing things right or understanding the natures or influences. You just let me roll with it, and let me get there on my own.

One of the things about being a Library person is that your patrons seem to think you know all the answers. they come at you with questions about everything, earnestly wanting to know "why". The hardest part of helping a person get their answers is that you have to make a judgement call on what is there level of understanding. you have to quickly assess the person standing in front of you and make a guess on how much information do they need to answer the question to their satisfaction.

I have a boy in 5th grade who is a astronomy savant. the first time I talked to him he said he wanted a book on Pluto, so we went to the stacks and I showed him the book. He flipped through it and then proceeded to tell me every little thing about Pluto, its exact size and mass and distance from each planet and just facts upon facts. My book wast going to help him. Nor any in the high school. I gave him a book on the Periodic Table instead and everyday he tells me about strange and exciting chemical processes and combinations of elements and how they interact.

Thats what astrology seems like to me, our physical bodies trying to interpret and interact with the biochemical environment that our solar system has in play. Saturn is composed of certain specific elements and race about in space and try bonding with other elements. It comes into the sphere of influence of Pluto and that encounter spouts out other chemical reactions, pair bonding and such and new chemical formulas come about doing certain specific things.

It seems to me that over time what is going on is that our biological lifeforms are mutating in response to this biochemical stimulation that is going on around us in an attempt to interpret and respond to different elemental factors. Our cells are being bombarded with information, some information we have the ability to interpret and respond to, but so much more information is out there in our environment that we do not have the mechanism yet to even sense or interpret.

My moony neptune I feel is like a deeper level of interpreting information. It not Psychic ability as much as being aware of other factors that are in play and an ability to sense those subtle nuances in biology that tell a deeper story.

I have had enough of Neptunes Womb or Tomb motif pushing and pulling on my venus and mars.
I thank you all for not mentioning it, as such.
my Solar Arch Uranus is moving across my Scorpio conjunction, and that really can have only one good effect.....being reborn.

For two years now I have been totally single. Not dating. not talking to other men. not doing anything but taking care of my household. Its been a dream come true in a way. As a little girl I played dolls, obsessively creating a world for my dolls exactly as i wanted it. Barbie never married Ken, or GI Joe in my world. SHe teamed up with the Hulk and had a beautiful home and nice things and a pretty car.....and David Banner worked happily in his lab on his science stuff, and they would go out and have great adventures like zip lines and waterfalls. I have a very detailed imagination after all.

I dont want to ever go back to living with a man and being his mom/maid/whore like it was with Eric and Jason. I like my house clean and nice and inviting for my family and children and someday grandkids to come to as a place of fun and food and games and nice stuff. thats who I am.

I think as my solar returns start to wind down now, with that nasty pluto/saturn/venus conjuction to my natal venus.....I can feel the potential of a powerful empowering liberating and fantastic year in my next SSR which has Mars transiting my Angle exactly.....like a mother heavy in the last months of pregnancy starting to feel the nesting urge.

Today the moon is tansting my Pluto and Mars is Transiting my Uranus. I feel that. The emotional security that moon is giving pluto, in a real way saying....you have been doing it all, all by yourself, everynight everyday making sure your babies are taken care of. And mars swinging strong telling my especially unusually Uranus that the strength and power and action that I need to get through this rebirth is there and lending a hand.

I said that i had trust in the universe to meet my needs. And I do. my body with out me consciously doing a darn thing....took a sperm and egg and forced out of my completely sober body two human beings. the Universe needs people to interpret all the information that is our there through our evolving senses. We move through time gathering information and interpreting it and acting on those signals and reaction we can perceive. Yet I have this wonderful mars in Scorpio that I have been holding back on, and I think That its time for me to stop sitting and waiting and trusting but to hit the floor running and make it happen. I am a double Hub after all and have the incredible ability to accomplish tasks of monumental scope. I made 10 grand one weekend selling used books, so really anything is possible.

I am an emotional being and my emotions are the results of my ability to perceive and interpret my environment. I think though that my main fault in my interpersonal relationships is that I dont take things at face value. I look deeper. It feels though that that has not served me very well, and has encouraged a fantasy dream world where I have allowed poor treatment of myself. With this new birth happening though in my life I feel wise enough to set aside my ego and pride and say to myself, Dont waste time looking deeper into things that seem like crap at first, you dont have to find the good in everything, you can take things at face value and let it be just what it is, good or ill based upon my understanding and values on what is good or ill for me.

The movie last night reminded me of who I am and how fierce I fight for Liberty and freedom and Love, for myself and for others. I may not agree with what you are saying but I will fight for your freedom to say what you feel. I will also fight for your ability to be who you are and to go after what it is that your heart desires and needs. Thats what Library people do, the silent resistance to control and authority and crap, where I will not tell anybody what books you read because that is your business alone, and I will go to jail to protect your freedom if need be. You want to read every banned book....I will order them for you...
Jim's Books are kept behind the desk under lock and key, and I can get that key and let you judge for yourself whether his words need to be under control.

https://youtu.be/zWCINQn6k0s


Labor Pains shake you to your core.
this video is very appropriate for me, and what I have gone through.
The Great Mother Goddess doesnt make junk.

Especially love the girls smile and stretch at the end.

I have an AC/DC live concert taped shown on TV years ago. Never in my concert days have I seen a band 'shake-up' (ROCK) an audience like they did at that live concert in Australia. Every year I re-play this AC/DC concert to Rock my soul and get my motor running again.

I have seen ACDC live 5 times......and I dont go to many shows.
I heard the dj on the radio say the original Back in Black line up was recording a new album this year, and then he played a block of tunes.
Its good music to bellow my Scorpio Mars when my moon neptune gets wishy washy.

Veronica wrote:

Labor Pains shake you to your core.

Ain't no way a man could take those kind of pains.

Veronica wrote:

Its good music to bellow my Scorpio Mars when my moon neptune gets wishy washy.

Nothing wrong Veronica with getting wishy washy ever now and then, its just you being a part of yourself. And indeed, AC/DC is a tremendous benefic venting asset for that Scorpio Mars.

Labor pains are waves, like breath moving in and out.
Each wave literally is your body seperating.
Your bones are moved away from each other.
What you felt was solid and permanent
You quickly feel is Nothing

Men cannot bear the pain of seperation.
I agree.
Not because they arnt strong enough
Because being strong has little to do with it.
But because their hearts are soft like gold.

Woman are gifted with an intutive Certainty about creation. That certainty has been domesticated out of man. Women know that the waves of pain will stop and things will come back together.

When a man gets the flu it really does hurt him more then a woman.

Veronica wrote:

Woman are gifted with an intuitive Certainty about creation. That certainty has been domesticated out of man. Women know that the waves of pain will stop and things will come back together.

Beautiful words Veronica. There are so many more things women understand about Mother Nature than Men.

Veronica wrote:

When a man gets the flu it really does hurt him more then a woman.

Exactly! One thing my wife of 48 years has taught me: When it comes to all kinds of physical pains it hurts men much more than women. Women can take physical pain much better than men. When it comes to physical pain women are tougher than men.

The etymology of the word Tough.....

To bite...
To cleave.....
To seperate

Yup. It would seem that women have an edge there.
Nice touch Steve.

Ya know though....
Pain is pain
And even if we women can take more of it...
Doesnt mean it doesnt hurt
Doesnt mean that we arent pushed to the breaking point
Lots of women die in childbirth

Tuesday is my lunar return
The last one with painful Saturn riding my Venus
One whole month of exact partile conjunction

I dont ever want to feel the pain of these last two years and I wouldnt wish that phase on anyone.

Veronica, I think I understand about your pain with other relationships, but only you know in a soul way the pain you have gone through. We all go through our pains relative to certain times in out life with our living environments.

When I was in High School I knew I was different than most the rest of my class mates and went through some fear with my peers. But, when I went off to college I decided in a Virgo way, I was going to change the downer experiences from High School, just because most other people thought I was different/weird. My first day of college, I wore a T-Shit written across my chest (heart):

Normal People Scare Me.

The first person I met on that first day became my best friend of 53 years. Never will I forget when he grinned and looked at me and said. I love your T-Shirt. When I met my wife I was wearing that T-Shit and she said: I love your T-Shit. I don't get along real good with my wife's side of the family and when they start to f--k with me, I wear that T-Shirt and they leave me along for awhile. My best attitude when people start f--king with me is F---K em!! I am who I am.

Thanks Steve for your kind words of encouragement.
Normal is a setting on my dryer.

Normal People Do Scare Me.

Not much Scares me really but Normalcy.
Ive never been friends with the "normal" all my friends are outcasts and rejects and criminals and undesirable according to societies standards.
To be rejected by the rejected as well as the status quo is a hard pill to swollow.
I about as Abby Normal as the brain Young Frankenstein used. It seems though that my abnormalities are to much....like strong whiskey.
But I have thing in my heart that says Dont water yourself down. stay true to yourself. So I endure and push on and know that what I am seeking, Unity, self knowledge, wisdom and Love are possible.

Funny thing.....
My daughter bought me a tshirt two years ago.

It says
Normal People Scare Me

She also bought me a pretty Unicorn mug that says
Dont be basic

Because I am a Unicorn after all.

Normal is a setting on my dryer.

Love it!

Said Harley Quinn to the Joker.......

My alter ego

My alter ego

Its fun to play around with our alter egos.

SteveS wrote: Mon Oct 28, 2019 4:37 am

My alter ego

Its fun to play around with our alter egos.

No Steve its not.
Not for me anyway.

Id much rather be the beautiful loving kind generous helpful smart talented and hopeful person that my natal chart shows I am.

But all Ive known my whole life
All I have gotten to relate to in the real world of relationships are alcholics and drug addicts.....who can never be counted on to do what they say...lie cheat manipulate and do everything so they can keep the party going.

I had a life of playing with myself bc the others are inebriated.

Im done crying myself to sleep and thinking they will sober up and play with me. None of them ever have.
They all have told me quite straight that they have no intention or desire to be clean sober human beings.

Im taking that at face value now.
Im not looking for perfect
Or normal
Just not crazy insane drunken {bs} like teenagers.

I dont want to be a drunk. I dont want to join the party and waste my life and mind and body.

When you get to my age
Enough is enough
And Im not going to fool myself any longer.
It hurt to much to watch people you live destroy the blessed life they were given.

Ill go to the playground and swing upside diwn.
And giggle at butterflues tickling my face
And wake up feeling great and thankful and blessed.
Becayse I dont need an alter ego.
My ego that I have is just fine and dandy and Im sure lots of sober and clean people would like to get to know me better.

Your a great man Steve your lucky to have such a wonderful wife. Thank you for all the help and support you have given me. Id probably be way worse off if you hadnt been so kind to me. I appreciate it.

Veronica wrote:

All I have gotten to relate to in the real world of relationships are alcholics and drug addicts.....who can never be counted on to do what they say...lie cheat manipulate and do everything so they can keep the party going.

I understand Veronica. I had to take legal action against an alcoholic father who was physically abusive to my loving Mother. Eventually I had to separate myself from my father and his alcoholic ways. He lived a life of pain and I tried my best to get him to stop his alcoholic ways and in the process I started to live/feel his pain that started controlling my life.

Veronica wrote:

No Steve its not.
Not for me anyway.

I understand Veronica. With me I have always felt like I was a true disk jockey (DJ) and wanted to entertain people with playing music for em. This alter ego was so strong in me, when I retired I helped form a dinner club and was acting DJ for the Dinner Club playing requested youtube music. Everyone said I missed my true calling by not being a real life DJ. I only meant acting out our alter egos in a healthy way, regardless the character of the alter ego.

Veronica wrote:

Your a great man Steve your lucky to have such a wonderful wife. Thank you for all the help and support you have given me. Id probably be way worse off if you hadnt been so kind to me. I appreciate it.

Thank you Veronica, but I don't look upon myself as a great man, only feeling the greatness of benefic Jupiter. I know I am lucky with a Jupiter rising and an Aquarius Moon wife who extends her humanity to not only me but to all other close people in her life. I try to lift-up all the people I am socially around with good movies and music, the gift Jupiter bestowed upon me. You know if I could find my magic wand I would wave it and make all your pain go away.

Steve,
I dont think you missed your true calling at all.
In fact it is pretty much impossible to miss ones true calling IMHO and I think it is never to late to answer the call that speaks to our heart. Sometimes I think too that our calling for some of us, starts out like a simple little ditty, lalala...just a voice that we hear....and as we follow that voice and answer its call back over time we grow to hear the accompanying band and bridges and repeats, so that as we leave this world what started out as just a simple little ditty that we heard is now a full-blown symphony telling a complete story.

I had an utterly horrible day the other day with my daughter (mars transiting my uranus for sure). In reflecting what I had written above I feel like a complete and utter fatheaded mean hearted jerk completely engrossed in my own BS. when I said previously that this year my SSR venus/saturn "disfigurement" I was going to finally get a fat butt, I was at the wrong end of my body because the only fat I seem to have gotten is in my head.

In a previous comment Steve you had mentioned my daughter, when I was going on about my Venus/Mars midpoint and what I felt at that time was the manifestations about that. my ego and broken heart of course asserted that it was about my romantic relationship with Craig, and not my daughter, and that while the event that had transpired over the summer with my altercation with my daughter was poignant about that, I felt it of course had to deal with my selfish desire to have a romantic loving relationship with the man I am in love with.

But I think you are right about Sabrina in a very important way, one that some of you may be very much aware of but something I am/was in denial about.

I had thought, vainly of course, that because Craigs Venus/Pluto aspected my Des. which is the midpoint of my Venus/Mars that what ever was going on with my daughter at that moment was not about that blending of influences and how I as a person embody that, and in a synastry effect others who aspect that.

Sabrina's Saturn is conjunct my Asc....hence opposite my Des and the midpoint. for the past 17 years her and I have had this relationship in which her Saturn is very powerfully influencing it. Ironic that this year I have Saturn all year riding conjunct my venus, so I have lots and lots of Saturn stuff going on inside me, even though these events are out in the world and seemingly outside of me, I am still internally processing that influence inside and mulling over it daily and getting knee deep in yuck and junk and baggage emotional things that I have stuffed down inside of me for years.

Now though, I also have in my SSR this year a huge lunar influence, in that the moon in my SSR is opposite my Sun. which if I understand correctly is liken to the full moon, in which my life has been waning and waning towards and has now reached the culmination of the fullness of my life, and will start the waning process.

which is why I feel like such a mean hearted fat headed uncompassionate jerk for what I wrote above about having enough of being around alcoholics. what a cold hearted selfish thing for me to say. Im ashamed i said it. I was stressed and heartbroken and emotionally a basket case and was just exploding (Mars to my uranus) in a way to respond to the crisis that I was going through that day.

My daughter has missed a lot of school this year. she is in a special program to get a nursing certification as well as her high school diploma. Because of the dogs dying, my dad and sister both hospitalized and coming down with the flu she has missed many days. the school had set up a meeting with us to takl about that and see what could be done to keep her inthe program and stay on track. the meeting was at 7:30Am.
My daughter though also has and has had her whole life a huge addiction issue. Ive seen the signs, I watched her grow, Ive seen her eat and consume things. the red flags are every where.
I got up that morning of the meeting and took my shower and as I got out of the shower I heard the door to the house open. its 5am. She had snuck out that night and was coming home completely wasted. falling down the stairs wasted high and looking like a zombie.

How could I take her to a meeting with 5 other school officials? She knew she had the meeting.
I was over whelmed with anger and fear and confusion and guilt and remorse and a utter failure as a mother and human being. I was so angry with myself. So dissapointed that I had failed her as a mother, that I hadnt been good enough, provided enough love and support and control and disciple and everything and that she needed to get wasted to feel good about herself and just so much feelings and heartbreak and.....

I try so hard to wrap my head around addiction. to open my heart to it and try to understand and have compassion for the suffering of others who obviously are in such inner pain and torment that they need to escape the pain and suffering that separation and loss and fear bring, that they look to some external source to relieve the pressure and all that.

I have no problem being loving and kind to the children at school who are obviously handicapped, who are mentally ill.....but addiction and mental illness are unseen and rarely have symptoms and are seen as a person being weak and not good enough and a dissapointment. I know because that how my addictions make me feel about myself....Im not strong other wise I wouldn't need to smoke, drink coffee, drive fast....

The people in my life that I love the most, are addicts and alcoholics. For my whole entire life I have been supportive and sympathetic and understanding and compassionate to them, because addiction is a disease of the soul. but sometimes, I just break and I forget what its like, I forget that we are all in pain and all suffering and all have our cross to bear and we all need compassion and understanding.

Addicts are the most compassionate people I know. they love without limits and bounds and they accept people as imperfect and let them be what they need to be. This year though I really have gotten a huge fat head and gotten on some high horse or something and though I was better or different or special. Im not. Im addicted too, I look for things outside of myself to help me cope with hard days and bad thoughts and feelings and look for ways to escape pain and suffering. Im human and I love being human and I love other humans who dont put on airs that they are normal and perfect and better then and holy and all that.

My daughter is going to struggle with addiction her whole life. she may become a drunk. she may become an junkie. I dont know. I know though that I love her and I will be there to support and encourage her and hold her hand and just be there in what ever way she may need me, and I will be there in spirit if she doesn't physically need me and offer any and all support she may need. I will never give up on her or shut the door and close her out and all the things that I have heard in alnon tough love and such programs. I wont ever do that. I think though that I will be able to have healthy boundaries though, so that I can still do what I need to do for me and take care of my own soul and such, and maybe over time those boundaries will shift and change, and Im ok with that, that like a progressed chart where things in our nature move about and aspects change and grow and evolve.

I dont want to meet knew people like I had said, but you know what I would really like to do is get to know better the people I do love and understand their needs and share with them what ever blessings and strength my chart can lend to them in what every way they can take it. I know some really Great people and would love to be able to strengthen that, but I have this big fat head sometimes and an even bigger mouth that seems to want to put my over sensitive moon/neptune/jupiter nature in a tower to protect it.

Im sorry that you too grew up with a violent father who drank. its scary stuff, but people arnt monsters I've learned, even if they seem to be. monsters arnt real.

I think that this lesson of my SSR this year and this months last horrid SLR is very much about how I as a person have dealt with issues of addiction inmy life, for good and for ill and that I now am at the point where I have accepted that I love with all my heart a man who will always have an issue with addiction, that I love with all my heart my brothers, who are addicts, and my father, and my sister and most all of my family and that they are who they are and that they cant change who they are born to be and that I cant change who I am, the girl who deeply has compassion and understanding of others pains and sufferings and who loves people who think they are not worthy of love and have such strong negative feelings towards themselves. I wouldnt change any of them for the world, they are perfect just they way they are.

Veronica, its ok to vent negative stuff. You are just releasing more parts of that partile Venus-Saturn conjunction in your current SSR partile cnj your Natal Venus with Sabrina. And her Saturn on your Asc, I understand. We all have to release our negative stuff and I think its healthy for you to do by typing it out on a forum. Just always remember this SSR will pass.

Lay in a supply of narcan.
12 step programs have a 5% to 30% success rate. Check out alternatives in your area including those that use Naltrexone. A place to start looking.

People do not have to be addicts, no matter what their genetics says. But they do mostly have to make the choice themselves.

Your post is very moving, Veronica. I'm sorry you're hurting so much.

But you sound like you're a very good parent. I've seen parents throw up their hands and never look back in frustration at a child's addiction. I can only imagine how hard of a situation to be in that is.

Now though, I also have in my SSR this year a huge lunar influence, in that the moon in my SSR is opposite my Sun.

I've always seen Sun-Moon aspects in the SSR denote intense crisis and turning point; the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one. If you feel like you're reaching your breaking point... That may just be the old falling apart in preparation for the new to take its place.

Mike wrote:

I've always seen Sun-Moon aspects in the SSR denote intense crisis and turning point; the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one.

So true Mike! And with other factors in the SSR, one can generally gauge the type crises. In Feb 1998, I was let go from a good employment situation. This employment involved the only career I had any experience. I was living pay check to pay check and had no ideal what I would do next. Then is early Sept 1998 I was presented with a great employment opportunity which was contracted for 2 years. Below is link to my 1998 SSR with the partile New Moon on my MC with a foreground partile Mercury-Jupiter 180. 1998 definitely ended a major chapter in my life, and began another major chapter in my life.

https://imgur.com/iCzcnd9

Thank you all so much for all yoyr love and support.

Im again overwhelmed and heartbroken as this morning my very ailing sisters doctor called and had an emergency family meeting as they discovered cancer in her colon. On top of her heart failure, COPD, diverticulitis and ruptured colon.

Saturn cant leave my Venus soon enough.
She has always been like a mom to me (15 years older) and as a Virgo is the kindest loving compassionate funny beautiful person in the world to me and she puts up with my Little Miss SunShine and Happiness like no one else.

I pray it has not spred to her liver like they think and that she is not in pain and discomfort. Sorry to vent but I am always so touched by the people heres understanding and acceptance.....I didnt want to not respond but my mind and heart are just in other places right now.

Just realized that both of my sisters have sun/mars conjunct. The two most loving beautiful piwerful women I have ever met.....both aspecting the moon
And so does Craig....his moon is close to conjuct his sun/mars.

Wow.

I'm so sorry. Sounds like exactly what my mother and one of my aunts had. Ask about Hospice if the doctor says there's no options. They can help with some of the medical bills, handle insurance, help everyone handle their emotional reactions and they help with pain meds, getting them and using them. They're mostly really good people with good ideas and no ax to grind.

Thank you Jupiter.
We will look into hospice when/if the time comes.

To be honest
For quite some time now
As Ive be working through all my personal issues, and feelings and life situations....

And I try to look forward to this saturn moving off my venus and all that.

And I see what looks like a few nice times coming up
And feel much better about myself as a person and the life I have lived, and how even though some people scream in my face that Im these horrid things...crazy, emotional, radical, whoring, addicted, mean yadyada....I dont think that Ive done that bad, or copped out that much or really been wicked......

I look at my SSR for next year
With Mars conjunct my angle
And I am so scared that it means I am gonna die,
I mean ....its also square my pluto...explosive physicality
The other, the world, attacking me....tooth and nail fight.
In all the mundane charts of horrible accidents exosions attacks violence ....there is mars right there on the angle hitting like a powerhouse.

Ive tried to look at it like....I go rollerskating for my birthday and get knocked down ....but it feels like something really big and nasty is coming. I tried to look at it like Im gonna have a lot of really great sex.....but ....well I dont have a partner.....Ive tried to think that it might be that I take up martial arts and just work out like a fiend.....Ive tried to think so many good things that it could be.
But the reality is that Ive spent a year or so now fully imersed in Saturn the lord of Karma and Ive worked and worked and worked on all the things inside and out of me that....if I died....would be a burden, an issue, crap for others to deal with regarding me. Ive wrapped up my stuff, gotten rid of all my possessions, attempted to resolce bad feelings between me and others and unresolved things....

I dont want to die now. I mean who really ever does but looking at a chart like these if they were someone elses I would think to myself....this person just may really die during this. Accidents happen. We live in a violent world.
I have tried this year to make choices moment by moment and day by day so that Ive lessened my risk and the astrology takes other forms....because I know the astrology will manifest in one way or another...it takes advantage of the opportunity of the moment.

My dogs dying and my dad and my sister being so ill rip apart my heart. Fighting with daughter brings such saddness. Not seeing Craig and talking to him hurts in places I never even knew I had. But its not a physical threat to my life.

If its my time its my time and I am powerless about that.

I hope Im wrong and my feelings and fears are unfounded. But I think just in case Im going to do things now that I would like to expierence and stop slaving away and putting things off and holding myself back.
Its not like I have a bucket list of crazy stuff or material things....its more like I want to just spend my time as much as I xan with the few people I really love and cherish and enjoy and who seem to really enjoy being with me too.

Veronica wrote: Thu Oct 31, 2019 6:04 pm I look at my SSR for next year
With Mars conjunct my angle

Transiting Mars 1°48 from your natal Descendant, zipping away at about 3/4 a degree a day, so not going to progress into anything with the angle.

And I am so scared that it means I am gonna die,
I mean ....its also square my pluto...explosive physicality

It's 2°09 from your natal Pluto and again, moving away from the transit by a 3/4 of a degree a day, so no worries about progressions through the year.

The other, the world, attacking me....tooth and nail fight.

It's not. It's just doing world things. (Cats do cat things, birds do bird things, worlds do world things.) It's not attacking you, and you don't need to attack it back. But you do need to bleed off excess energy. Walk around your house. Take up Pilates. Something physical, and something you don't need to do in a group. Maybe try the new hula hoop exercise stuff. It was all the vogue there for awhile, although it's not the fad it was now. But I think you would enjoy it.

In all the mundane charts of horrible accidents exosions attacks violence ....there is mars right there on the angle hitting like a powerhouse.

Mundane does not equal personal astrology. Just doesn't. Don't try to use Jim's SMA like CoSI. (Truth be told, I think there's a little too much use of CoSI where it isn't appropriate.)

But the reality is that Ive spent a year or so now fully imersed in Saturn the lord of Karma and Ive worked and worked and worked on all the things inside and out of me that....if I died....would be a burden, an issue, crap for others to deal with regarding me. Ive wrapped up my stuff, gotten rid of all my possessions, attempted to resolve bad feelings between me and others and unresolved things....

Swedish Death Cleaning. There's a book on that. An older woman (like 80s-90s) who'd cleaned out her parents apartment and her husband's stuff and somebody else, a friend or a sibling, I forget) decided to get rid of most of her stuff so it wouldn't be a burden on her kids cleaning out her place when she died. She quotes her children through the book, and from what she says, they're weren't too pleased she sold Grandma's china and their great-grandfather's watch and some other family heirlooms.

It's what we do under Saturn. It's normal. We clean out the closets and dump old stuff we don't want. Jim lost weight he didn't want. It's not preparing for death. It's preparing for life. Getting rid of the old ballast and getting ready to move.

Mars is energy. Sometimes people with Mars on the Dsc find themselves in volatile relationships. That can mean arguments and good times making up, or just arguments but it doesn't mean you're going to get murdered. You aren't going to lose your dogs again. They're safe and no longer in pain.

Your father and sister are sick. When we worry that other people may die, we often project that worry on ourselves. That's likely where that's coming from.

You don't know what to do about your daughter, and you're frightened and upset. Use Mars to work on finding out what to do. Don't do the "tough love" without actually knowing what it is. It isn't what most people think. Mars will help you with the energy you don't have right now to do what you need to.

Veronica, all we can do when faced with symbolism which worries us is to try and prepare the best we can in the manner with our choices in how we choose to react to the symbolism when we see it manifesting. An astrologer never knows specifics how angular SSR symbolism will manifest, only its possible tones.

FWIW, looking at your next SSR and understanding some of the angered situations which are currently occurring in your immediate environment, when you see these possible angered situations begin to manifest---try to walk away from em in order to minimize the anger. Since you would be the only one involved in a possible angered situation who understands the symbolism of your SSR, you would be the only one to have better choices how you would choose to react to a possible disputed/angered situation. Normally, an astrologer can examine closely their immediate environments and understand the possibilities how their next SSR with angular symbolism may manifest. Foreknowledge with our SSRs helps us plan and prepare for certain possibilities within our immediate environments.

Veronica, I'm looking at a Mars-Saturn themed demilunar in a week, after a lovely Venus-filled lunar return. And my first instinct was "oh shit!"

But then I realized that I have plans to go to San Francisco the morning after my demilunar, to go dance in a tango marathon for the weekend. Mars-Saturn is struggle, and I will be exerting myself significantly, and going literally nowhere in the process.

Hitting the gym is miserable hardship. But that doesn't mean it's bad, or doesn't also feel nice in it's own way (especially the sense of relief and well-being when it's over!).

I’ve spent the past three days now between 3 different hospitals (my father was transferred from one to a different one so he could get a shot in his eye bc he became blind last Monday)…..lots of travel time and thinking and feeling about things.

My daughter and I have this thing that we “Grilled Cheese.” Its funny in a way how a mother, being presented with a newborn baby some how becomes in tune with that child and intuits and understands what that baby needs, with out the child ever speaking. I recall how before my son would wake as a newborn, hungry….my breasts would swell and leak. Id be sitting on the couch and all of sudden you feel the pulling sensation and throbbing and then the milk comes, and moments later the babe is crying to be fed when you swore it was sleeping. You some how anticipate in some almost psychic way the needs of others. We call it Grilled Cheese in my house because one day I was driving home and talking to my kids about what I was going to cook for dinner because I had been thinking about it all day….grilled cheese…..and my daughter was like SHUT UP I was wishing for grilled cheese all day. I have a million examples of how this sort of anticipation of needs pops up in my life, through strange dreams or visions or words said by strangers or an idea that just seems to pop out of the blue. I attribute that to my moon/Neptune/Jupiter conjunction being aspected by my sun and Pluto.

I think for me though that Pluto plays a much bigger picture in my life then I really give it credit for. Jim did list it first when he shared his interpretation of my natal horoscope, and I know he know what he is talking about, even if I’m not always ready to process and assimilate his (and all you other A+ Sidereal Astrologers here) meaning and perspective. Pluto is the ultimate for healing and bringing about healing, and all my life has been enmeshed with different modes of healing, myself and others. I do have training as a Holistic Healthcare Provider, and Yoga teacher and Death and Dying, as well as my training in library science which helps me book the right book in the hand of the patron needing it. I comes very naturally to me, and is something that I enjoy sharing with others in what ever way they may need. It is though a bit hard for me to discern sometimes what it is that I myself need for healing. I think partly because my Angular Pluto says, I’m Fine I don’t need anything, but also My Sun square Neptune which makes me have a vanity and disillusioned sense of self that makes it challenging for me to Heal myself because I don’t see anything really wrong. Until of course I get punched in the head. Good thing I have a very thick skull even though my skin is so thin.

After the horrid day getting the news of my sisters cancer, and all the fear and sadness and turmoil that I went through thinking about what her loss would bring to my nieces and nephews and family as a whole, and myself especially as she is my best friend and surrogate mother and partner in crime and my biggest cheerleader, I vented and ranted about my fears of this upcoming SSR and what I had been struggling with symbolically about that. JSAD I am so very thankful that you delicately took the time to explain the actual workings going on with that and I especially resonated with your language about releasing Martian energies. That made such sense to me, as Neptune has been draining and draining on my mars, as I am healing from my accident and had been laid up and in a very real way not able to be as physical as I wanted. I took your previous advice and was a patient/ am being a patient. I stopped pushing and doing yoga and things that while I wanted to do them, were making the healing process impossible. So I walked, and walked and walked and walked and by my calculation I have walked to Washington DC and back, at least, which is a far way to walk. I’ve wanted and wanted and wanted to do so much more, but even lifting my arms up to shoulder height was excruciating. But I knew that the only way to heal was to rest, and that this was MY time to rest and if I didn’t take advantage of that I would suffer more in the long run.

My fears for next year with Mars on the angle is mostly projection from what is going on around me, but also from my thinking that Ive never had This aspect in my life before and so it would be an experience or event that I had never had. I’ve worked out hardcore before. I’ve gone to the gym and busted my aff, and ran and swam and did push ups and hula hooped and tons of physical stuff, my whole life and to think that Id have a year of some physicality seemed to me to be an opportunity for the universe to again punch me in the head when I think things are going good. I mean my charts for the next few months seem pretty upbeat and good and like I have ridden the beast of Saturn and survived and thrived in a way and come out not physically disfigured or maimed or hating people and in a place to have healthy loving relationships.

I know that I repeat myself, and talk about things that I have already tried to talk about and sound like a broken record about some things, and I do appreciate you all not saying….um you already told us about that……its because it take me a while to really process and digest things and integrate them and understand them and be able to use that understanding. Its human too….I have heard my father tell the same story of me playing with my diaper a million times…he hates dirty diapers….so we repeat and repeat things until they no longer affect us.

Like relationship issues, and people forming relationship bonds with the same sort of people over and over and over. they think that moving from one person to the next is going to be different, but they themselves have never worked through some sort of issue, trial, test, lesson, ect and so they just keep getting more of the same, even though at first the other may seem totally different.

I packed a bag yesterday to bring with me to visit my sister. She is looking at a prolonged hospital stay and so I wanted her to be as comfy and happy and in a good mindset and not feeling like she is in a hospital room with no personality or character and just another number. She’s not another number to us, and with her sun/mars conjunction (also conjunct Jupiter…..hence she is a Queen in her own realm) she needs to feel special. No one can make people feel special like I can. I have this innate ability like I said above to intuit what someone may need, and then give it to them.
So I packed up my Mary Poppins bag and me and my daughter went out to spend the day with her. Knowing that in my sisters mind, receiving the news that she had cancer and just may well be dying, I wasn’t about to let her sit in her room with her Virgo mind and dwell on all that all by herself. My sisters have a talent of buying me the most beautiful and wonderful and just what I needed presents. Something about that sun/mars thing they got working maybe because they nail it every time, buying me beautiful clothes and jewelry and lavish things that I love but would never practically buy for myself. They spoil me, these sun/mars people I have….not one present from them have I parted with in all my Saturn purging. I’ve kept every last thing they have given, even things that could be considered garbage…like the wrapping paper, don’t know why, I just feel a need to have it all.

When we go to the hospital, I spent a very long time slowly unpacking my gifts. She doesn’t like to get gifts. She doesn’t want me giving away my stuff, or spending my money on her….it makes her so very uncomfortable…like I’m taking away from my children or myself. But giving is what relationships are all about. Its not about what you take from a person, and how their chart feeds your needs, but what you give to them, and how your chart and your blessings give them something that they need. Human have an innate need to give and share and help and support. Life itself does, but humans seem to feed more then the ego when they give, its like they are going beyond the person and giving back to the Source directly by honoring the specifc person with just the very thing that they cant supply themselves. Specialness.

I was taught, or maybe it was a dream, that before a human incarnates it makes an agreement with the Source of All to live this incarnation and to experience that potentiality. I believe with all my heart that I agreed to come and be Veronica and experience all this that is my life, all the highs and lows and inbeteweens and the pains and the joys and all of it. I believe I also made agreements with all other people that our lives would interact in one way or another, some very beautifully and others seemingly horrid, and that it was nothing personal but just the Source needing to have every and each potentiality experienced so that it could grow in understanding and compassion and awareness and consciousness.
I was also taught that as the soul incarnates it in a way descends through the planes and encounters “Energies” “Forms” Archetypes in a way, and these archetypes are what we call the planets, each one a specialist, in a way, of an realm of potentials. Mars the potential for action, Venus the potential for attraction, Mercury the potential for Interpretation and so on and as we descend these Archetypes bestow on us gifts to use to help us on our path and our mission and experience. Very much like going on a trip and your mother gives you clean underwear and your father gives you a hundred dollars and your sister give you her teddy bear…..just incase you need it. And as we live our life we sometimes come to events and get to use that hundred dollars dad gave us, or the Strong Ego that the Angular Sun gave.

My bag was packed with things sort of like that, things that I thought as my sister was working through her healing and coping with what was going on that she might need. I brought her toiletries in a beautiful carrying case so she coulf wash and clean and smell good. I brought her books to read, her favorite authors to fill her mind with ideas and things to feed her Virgo mind. She delighted as I gave her a Tarot Deck and her Favorite book the Mystical Qabalah honoring her love for the occult and her Adeptship in understanding the deeper symbolic language that the Universe speaks through. I brought her Crystals to decorate her table, and beautiful feathers to hang up on her blinds to blow in the breeze of her fan and make her smile like she does about that. I brought her the book that I had been inspired to make this past summer for some reason. A book that I crafted from images taken from catalogs and magazines filled, pasted on pages that I had painted and decorated and sprinkled with glitter. This book is full of symbolic thought and feeling and as you turn each page a wordless story unfolds of life bursting forth and seeking expression and finding here on earth a million dreams and beautiful things and possibilities and opportunities for fulfillment. I remember when I was done making the book I looked through it and wanted to make a million copies and send them to all the hospitals in the world so that sick people who had no hope or love and were in pain and suffering could look at the images and let them fill their soul with what ever they personally needed to heal themselves of what ever was ailing them. making that book healed me, and healed my heart and sadness and hopelessness and I shared it, page by page, as I was making it, sending pictures to my Love and wordlessly he let me know he saw them and knew that these weird images were important to me . That acceptance that he showed to my art work was the most beautifully healing feeling I have ever had of being accepted for the weird Unicorn that I am. My sister poured over that book for an hour (its only 22 pages) talking about each little hidden symbol and what was going on and she told her own story through the pictures, just like I had thought the book should be used. Its generic yet personal in a weird way.
She really thoughts that the glow in the dark stars and comets that I taped all over her room were a beautiful idea and loved the soft fleece blanket that I brought to keep her warmer then the stiff hospital blankets. Yet I had one more gift to give her. The one I had though of first. The one that I knew above all things she may truly need more then anything as she embarks on her healing herself and fighting against the illness that manifested over time into this horrible imbalanced state she found herself.
Years ago, decades 1996, my mother the light of our family and love of our lives was diagnosed with cancer and died months later after a short battle. It tore apart our family. My sister lost her life long friend and cheerleader. The woman who understood her and loved her unconditionally. Who anticipated her needs and met them. Karen has never been the same, slowly turning this loss and sadness upon herself, never taking care of her self again, putting everyone’s needs above hers. Never pausing, always working for the poor kids in te city school, or the homeless animals or the women in domestic violence.
People need their mom. There is nothing else in the whole world that we should seek but to be in Unity and onesness with Our Source, with our Mother. If we are at odds with that, we are at odds with Nature itself and nothing but imbalance and illness and suffering can come, and you will have all that you love and cherish and hold in esteem taken from you one by one by one. We are, because She loves us and will always love us and all else is Naught.
I grill cheese a lot. I have so many weird things that say to me….turn here….pick up that….read this…talk to so n so…..this strange impulses and out of the blue inspirations. And I almost always act on them. When I haven’t I always end up saying….oh crude I should have picked up that feather because I could tickle that screaming baby in line at DMV with it……
A few days before my mother started Chemo, she asked me to cut her hair. I always cut her hair. So I did. This time though, I heard that feeling. When I was all done, I swept up my moms beautiful blond locks and put them in a little box and tucked them away. She called me a silly goose for doing that, she saw me sweep them up and put them away. I told her it was because her hair was so soft like a feather and that she knew I had a fetish for holding soft things in my hand and stroking them to comfort me when I am stressed. I do. It’s a thing I do to sooth and calm myself. Silk, fur, hair, skin I have a need to stroke and feel the softness. Ive opened the box over the years and said hello but it isn’t the same, and so I never used it to calm myself. She is in me. I feel that. I can touch her in my heart and I don’t need to feel her hair.

I gave the box to my sister and told her it was the most valuable thing I own and that I have held on to it for years waiting for the right time to pass it on.
She opened the box, and gasped. Tears welled up in her eyes.
She knew what it was with out me ever saying a word.
I did say, “mom always called me her Messy Pup, so Ive always tried to be clean and keep things nice. I couldn’t throw this away. Its more precious then gold and you are gold and you should have it.

We had a great day, laughing and telling jokes like us painfilled people can. All jokes come from pain and in my family get togethers are filled with laughter so hard you will pee yourself. We make jokes and laugh about ourselves and our adventures and experiences and tell stories that outsiders would think horrid and sad and we laugh and laugh and are loud and unruly like good Irish folk are. Laughter is the best medicine they say, it shows us our humanity and binds us in our pain and afflictions and lets us know we are not alone in our suffering. When I die I don’t want tears, I want people to talk about all the crazy out rageose things I have done, like and angular pluto is wont to do not giving a flying Arse about others opinions or getting embarrassed. Don’t cry and be sad but laugh and feel joy that I made a complete jerk out of myself and a fool and risked everything for the man I love and to put a smile on a face and to help lessen the load that life causes us to bear. Its not insensitive, its supersensitive…like me.
Thank you all for the encouragement and lending your wisdom and experience and reading my weird words and all that. I write and write and write to try to show that we are all connected and my experience is not unlike yours and I just cant keep things so deeply felt inside.
My daughter is going to be just fine. Shes got issues and challenges and things to work through.
JSAD talked elsewhere about how she planned out her SSR day and Jim shared how he too in the past had (based on the theory that what happens on that day, is played out symbolically throughout the year) planned his day…..so for my daughters Birthday I made myself completely available to her if her needed, we talked and eat and went to the movies and had a grand day, and she had a few little bumps with her boyfriend, but I think that with our Grilled cheese abilities that we are going to be just fine and even though she may struggle through her life with her consumption habits, that with me available and informed and compassionate and open to her, and with her own strong sense of connection to her Higher power, she is going to have a great life filled with many many things that we will be able to laugh about and make fun of and share.

Wishing you the best Veronica with your "Grilled Cheese" abilities.

Thank you Steve

Im looking forward to the next few months and mopping up after this SSR. I think that next year for my birthday I am buying myself a membership to the YMCA. I have had memberships on and off over the years and enjoy being apart of that institution. In all the years though that I was a member I never did the one thing that I have wanted which is to proficiently swim underwater. I love love love swimming and diving but my asthma and COPD made it challenging for me to do laps like I want. My asthma in the past few years seems to have completely healed as I havnt had an attack at all. Not saying this is like a "bucket list" item but I feel at home and happy swimming and the feeling of weightlessness is blissful for me. I get very self consciousness though in a swimming suit but I think thats normal for people. I think Im old enough and wise enough to push past that fear and embarrassment and take care of my need to release in a healthy way all this built up energy.

Grilled cheese abilities are all about action on feelings and interpretation of impulses. I could have just gone home and never mentioned the dinner plans and in my daughters head she would have just been happy to get what she wanted. But I trust that everything is connected and everything has meaning and we grow by sharing our perception and expierence and impulses....instead of keeping it inside.

I forgot to mention why I think my Angular Pluto defines my character so strongly.....

After unpacking my Mary Poppins bag for my sister and all the jokes and rauchiness that ensued my sister paused and gazed out tge window at the beautiful view of fall foliage blowing in the breeze. She said I wish I could go outside and feel the fresh air.

To which I said. Its 32 degrees out.
She said she didnt care she loves the cold and 2 weeks inside has been hell.

She has two huge wounds with assorted bags of fluids either coming or going as well as a host of other obstacles prohibiting free movement.

But she has to move. Its viral for your lymphatic system in healing. Her nurse, surprise!, is named Veronica and I went out and told her that I was taking my sister for her walk and I wanted a wheelchair so if she got tired she could sit.

We unplugged this and that and hooked up machines and cords and stuff and she walked her walk. Then she sat in her chair, her throne very much so and I took her outside.

With my daughter and her son in tow we paraded about, Im a very good wheelchair opperator for some reason. I even make a loud beeping noise like a truck when I have to back up. It just natyrally happens. I also take full advantage of ramps and the laws of motion to make my load easier. They do have footpegs like a motorcycle on the back so if you have a significant slope you can hop on and take a ride. Also of course with loud sound effects of happiness.

My sister is a shopper. I think thats a mars/sun thing because the ones I know all love shopping. As we made our way through the hospital we encounted a kiosk set up selling the most beautiful delicate elaborate scarves. I have a fetish for beautiful fabric thats pretty hard core niw that I think of it. Fabric is sensual to the max. She picked out four.
In her room she had told me she didnt care for green, but she picked out for herself a very stunning green. We talk all the time very deeply about symbolism and meaning and attitude, so we had a good laugh at her contradiction which she herself observed.

The man at the kiosk said 70% of his sales goes to anyither shop downstairs which had everything but scarves. Off we went to find it and procure her much desired need for hard candy, which is like gold in a hospital everybody wants some.

Arriving at the store our attention immediately went to the 2nd stiry ceiling where there hung 3 enormous kites of birds, like a million pieces of stained glass in all colors and patterns. Breathtaking. Stained glass art is amazing and my sister and I gave this thing for liking "hanging" things like windchimes and dream catches and kites. Kites can truelly be some of the most beautiful things.

When I looked up and saw them my mind thought that Jim would love these as a symbol of astrology, all the aspects and movements of time being laced up with led and taking flight. Jims chart is a kite, born to fly.

I asked the sales woman how much?
She said they wernt for sale.
I told her everything is for sale in this world for the right price.
I really didnt think they were real glass.
My mind had thought that in this gift shop they had for sale these kites, probably cheap tissue paper. Thats what I wanted.

They were real stained glass birds. 7feet across maybe. Huge. Really expensive.
I laughed at my self for being such a twit with my thoughts on buying them and made the sales lady laugh at me too so there was no hard feelings about my remark of its availability for purchase.

She enjoyed getting her fresh air and the fact that I now had her son push her up all the slopes we had sped down tandum. We returned via an alternative corridor which had three huge blinds for a wall with a plaque. The plaque was the history of the birds and a mention of the artist.

So I opened the blinds. They were dusty. And squeaky. But behind them was the kites flying right in front of you. It was a beautiful view and one that shouldnt be gathering dust. The ladies in the gift shop looked up in horror at me exclaimed how this needs to be open so everyone can see them.

I hope they keep the blinds up and clean the dust of the kites. I told them Id come and do it myself if need be. Hospitals do love volunteers.

V, would you share Sabrina's birth data? (and Orion's too - I don't have access to my old database at the moment)

Both born at Highland Hospital, Rochester NY

Orion January 16, 2001. 11:41 pm

Sabrina Oct. 22, 2002. 2:22 Am

Sabrina Oct. 22, 2002. 2:22 Am

My goodness---all the 2's. 7 2's.

Today was the day........

I swear things moved just enough....

I am so happy. Like insanely happy, like a little kid afain. Im a very very happy person usually and this funk Ive been in just sucked the nixe oura me sometimes.

Today though, while 98% of everyone I met was miserable and complaining and bitter.....I was back to my old obnoxious cheerful on a grey day self.

IT SNOWED!!!
BIG FAT WET HAPPY FLUFFY BEAUTIFUL FLAKES!!

ALL OVER!

I just got back from sledding.
All alone exceot the dear and the setting sun.

I am so excited and happy now and cant wait for more skedding and playing outside and cocoa and blankets and movies and all sorts of good stuff!!!

Im glad Saturn came came squashed my venus and made me so sickly sad. It was a good thing for me so I can understand pain and saddness and troubles we all have and hiw I can just be myself and let my sunshine and moon dance and not be so moody and depressed and scared and feeling ugly.

Looking forward to those freat solar arcs I have coming and my lunar returns and getting all this pent up energy out in my bext SSR!!!!