Solunars by Aldebaran Sidereal Academy

Your new Demi-Lunar aside, the really nice thing happening right now is that transiting Jupiter (having just squared your Uranus) is conjunct natal Venus. Despite the natal Moon, Saturn, and Neptune on angles in your Demi-SLR, that should make for a very pleasant, loving time.

I'm making my family handmade valentines and using way to much glitter........

OMG
I AM SO IN LOVE WITH TODAY!!

Woke up at 4am to the most beautiful snowstorm. Did my usual and at 6:15 I got the call.
School is cancelled!
Its a snow day!!!
There is almost nothing in the world as wonderful and magical and exciting (to me at least) as a NY snow storm/snow day!!!

And what transits do I have in my life to give my heart this huge jump start?
The moon is opposite my Venus.
Jupiter (snow!!!!) Is conjunct my venus.
Venus is square my Asc
Mercurcy is conjunct my MC

I had a big bright idea the other day when the sun was conjunct my mercury.
I printed out the charts for all my up coming lubar returns for this year, and then went through them a few times....watching the different transits of Mars and Venus and the angles and such.
I plan on using these like a mini journal/diary to make notes throughout the year.
I was very happy with hiw I saw time unfolding for me this year and inspired to try my best to make the most of what I saw as great potentials.
But I still had this weight like feeling in my heart. Or a clog. Or a cyclinder that wasnt firing. I felt like......if only I could lift this last weight ....then I would really have a blessed year instore for me.

I am such a stupidily happy person at heart. I joke and laugh and delight at the smallest things. People think its fake or unnatural or a front or Im in denial....but truelly I love life and all the things about it most all of the time.
Im kinda like a snow day in a way. Cold outside, hot inside, lotsa water and wind, adventure, mystery, shocking and unusual.

Im gonna gear up again in a few and go hiking and sledding and then warm up and work on my Valentine pictures and read. I might even bake some cookies for the kids. I am so excited and filled with love at the beauty of the world!!!

I cannot wait till my birthday!!
I swear, this year feels like waking up from a bad dream that haunts you through out the day.
Its like....I am/was totally afraid of getting involved with anything for fear that it would just wither and die painfully, like anything at any moment could just turn to crap no matter my good intentions. Like Ive been waiting for the other shoe to drop and that everything was jinxed to go sour.

Im glad I had my books and art and music to give an outlet to those feelings constructively.

I feel in a way like I am 12 years old again. Like in my presexual days....the time before I got interested in boys and trying to relate to them. Im doing all the things that my younger childlike self loved doing....before I became worried about attracting a mate..impressing a boy....a time where I could play and be me and have friends.
Once adolescence came, everything turned into this weird sexyal mating game dance about competion and notions of being attractive and apealing and the self doubt and insecurites of being lovable to someone you like.

I loved that time in my life before menes when I was just a girl who wanted to climb trees and ride her bike and color and read and plant flowers....and I didnt care at all about what others did or thought and I didnt care espicially about what boys thought of how I spent my time. Or if they wanted to kiss me.

I realized this year how it might have felt to all the people who made advances at me in my life that I wasnt interested in for one reason or another, and rejected them and the pain it must have caused them to have thier feelings not returned in kind. It sucks. It hurts. It can beat you up and lay out your self confidence and bring about depression and feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy and seperation. I wasnt trying to hurt them or be mean or stuck up I just knew my own feelings and knew that they wernt deep and strong and that to mislead them was wrong and more hurtful in the long run. I think that some of the people that I turned away, have wanted to hurt me back, like Eric, and would be happy that I got hurt. Maybe knowing I did hurt, and that Im not an unfeeling cold demon will give them a sence of justice and revenge and peace and they can let go.

All I know is I have about 10 more days under this SSR and then I will be free to play with all that good mars pluto energy and the moon jupiter blessings for staying true to my heart and what I love about this world.

Indeed V, always stay as close as you can to those things closest to your heart you love, never take those heart things you love for granted .

SteveS wrote: Sat Feb 08, 2020 6:59 am Indeed V, always stay as close as you can to those things closest to your heart you love, never take those heart things you love for granted .

Thank you for that reminder Steve.

Your words and insights are a blessing in my life.
The kindness and sympathy and encouraging words through this dark time in my life are priceless. Without your feedback and input and ideas I truly would have been lost at sea many days. I appreciate your effort and the skill you have to gently illuminate murky darkness and give hope and inspiration.
I hope you know that what you were able to show me, in my charts, in my life, not just with your skill as an astrologer but as a kind man wanting to help in anyway he could has blessed my life more then any gold or bonds or stocks. You helped me grow, as a person, as a mother caring for her children into a better version of myself then I could have done on my own. You restored my hope that people arnt just in life to grab all they can and make themselves fatter.
IMHO you could show those business men a million charts on how to make some easy money, and make them millionaires but your true calling is how you read my words of sorrow and loss and listened unjudgmentally. I feel like you taught me how to invest in myself and that investment has both short term and longterm gains.
Thank you so very very much for sharing your keen and compassionate understanding of life and its cycles.

Thank you so much V for your kind words of thanks. It always warms my heart to help others with insight into their astrological cycles which may help them react better to tough times and/or good times. Even if that Mars-Pluto in your new SSR brings you some brief tough stuff, never forget you will have partile cnj hits of your p. SSR Moon to your Natal Venus and Solar Jupiter later in your solar year, damn good stuff . And as another important impulse in your life, you have Solar Arc Uranus partile cnj your Natal Moon & Neptune for your new solar year. Just keep opening your heart to your individual emotions (Moon) that is zany (Neptune) and exciting (Uranus) for your good heart.

Guess what Steve.....

That ol Mars/pluto aspect I have in this SSR.....

I allready did that one.

1988

My junior and senior year in high school.
It was awsome.
I had so much fun.
And ya know what too.....?
Now Im older and wiser and better prepared to really use that force. I kicked arse that year and accomplished so much...with the whole world betting against me and trying to knock me down.
Ive stayed true to that girl I built up back then, and stuck to my guns regardless of the advesary I confronted.
Thats the year in my life that all my friends remember about me most and what defined me to many in my circle of acquaintances.
Im not at all worried.

I was looking at the chart for my 2020 SSR and was comparing the midpoints of that chart to my natal chart.

I noticed a few interesting hits on some of my natal placements like the mars neptune midpoint is at 9 43 Aquarius conjunct my MC and the mars venus midpoint is exactly at 22 21 aquarius square my natal mars.

Are this valid tools for exploration? I dont really know what drove me to run the chart and look at it and Im not sure how to describe what I think that influence is.

Edit: I was not looking at a Sidereal ephemeris by accident with the above aspects being the tropuxal. I am relooking now with the correct pdf

I have been having extremely vivid and pwerful dreams for the past month.

They all seem centered around an small animal or baby that I love. Little dogs or birds or bunnies usually but in a few they were human babies. In my dreams I feel this soft tender warmth that just fills me with love and an out pouring of affection and attention. In my dreams I am so happy to have something to love and nurture and care for.

And then of course
I wake up
To teenagers who dont want my love and affection...
And no dogs to care for....

Ive never had this type of reoccuring theme in my dream life espicially ones where the intense feelings of love for another being are so intoxicatingly strong.

I attribute this subconscious activity to my progression into menapause and not being able to have any more of my own children, as well as the progression into " empty nest ism" as my children spread there wings for thier own independence, and of course my pups dying and having no outlet now for all my inborn nurturing creative womaness.

For my solar return I decided to shuffle my tarot deck and pull a card for the year. I prayed to my mother and her mother and all the mothers of the world to advise me on what I need to keep closest to my heart this year.

I drew the Moon.

In my SSR for this year the t moon is widely conjunct my n venus. My own n moon is close to the angle. My SA uranus is almost conjunct my n moon as well.

These dreams, while I am in them, seem to be an outlet and an outpouring opportunity for me to release my pent up affection and love and desire, they are so strong and happy. Yet upon waking, the reality of no constructive outlet for all these feelings is not very pleasent.

I want so bad for a person in my life to joke and laugh with, to share interesting moments and mostly to feel like I am apart of something wonderful.

Im not getting a pet. I dont really want a puppy or a bunny or even a baby. That isnt what I need. I dont need sympathy or pity.
In the 3 relationships I had all three fell apart when something shifted and instead of feeling happy to be together I felt unnecessary unneeded replaceable and a painful embarrassing burden.
It was made clear to me by them that there are a million girls who would jump at the chance and that it didnt matter to them if I stayed or left.
Which I know was a result of me being utterly terrified of what I felt were extreme risk taking and antisocial behaviors and the high probability of incarceration instituationalization or dire medical threats....which propelled my autonomous nature to pull back and fortify my sence of self instead of the relationship.

These dreams are a mixed blessing because they fill me with such joy and bliss and contentment and hope and love and optimism.....and truthfully It is so nice to feel those feelings...that they arnt dead in me and that I still do have the capacity for them. Just not a real outlet....

In a way these dreams and feelings are really wonderful and maybe there is a way to find a healthy outlet for them in real life. Last year I sometimes got this feeling or visions that I had to nurture little newborn babies somehow and I thought of asking to volunteer in the hospital to just hold (and maybe sing to) little newborns to let them have the necessary human contact/touch/warmth that they need when they come into the world. These might be babies that need to spend their first few weeks in the hospital for one reason or another.

Just felt like sharing this because of the theme of your dreams.

Thank you for those great ideas Arena. It is something I have thought about. My budget and time constraints are pretty rough. I need a second paying job unfortunately.

It feels though that it really is about my own need to self nurture and give myself love. My inside hurts.

V, I sincerely want you to know this: You have taught me a very valuable lesson---if you don't like the world you find yourself in---then find the world you want be in....with your mind. I have left that world of media news and gone back to that youtube music world----getting high. Thank you .

SteveS wrote: Fri Feb 28, 2020 6:46 pm V, I sincerely want you to know this: You have taught me a very valuable lesson---if you don't like the world you find yourself in---then find the world you want be in....with your mind. I have left that world of media news and gone back to that youtube music world----getting high. Thank you .

Funny thing....
This morning as I was getting ready to go spend the day at my brothers auto shop getting major work done on my sons car, I thought of a great tune that would be fun for your gatherings...The GoGos "Our Lips are Sealed."

This past week I have learned a lot about myself and my relationships and how sympathy plays such a strong role in how we bond and connect and relate with each other.
Its unhealthy from what I see but is obviously 5millions years of evomutiobary necesdity that has yet to mutate to a healthier expression of bonding and relating.

I heard this week some gossip, gossip Im sure that was said to hurt me. Pain makes us move. We people will sit and sit and sit under pain and not move, until it reaches a point and then we just cant take it anymore. Thats how this news hit me. I have to move. Something is hurting me and I want it to stop. I have been thinking of getting psychiatric help because I just feel so wrong inside biologically and the only thing that makes it change is when I think that Craig and I will get back together. This gossip made me feel that that is never going to happen.
I had looked at my SSr and the quater ssrs and demi SSrs and saw that it looked like the world was offering me sympathy and I didnt like that bc that means something bad happens and people give you attention bc of the tragedy.
I dont want my story to be sad and depressing and scary and horrible and get attention from crying. Thats weak and bs. Thats not my reality. Thats not my story. My story is beautiful and uplifting and funny and has a great soundtrack and some funky dance numbers. Thats my realiry.

Today I had two major interactions with people at such extremes I was reduced to tears both times. The first was a young man who smashed the curb and wanted a free tire. He fiipped out on the manager and said he was calling HQ. I was outside and he came outside to take a pucture of his tire. I moved to the side so I wasnt in the picture. At that point he lashed out at me calling me horrible mean ugly names and hurtful comments. I had done nothing to provoke except move away. It shook me and made my stomache hurt and my legs shake and my vision got dark. It was well an hour before my biological body felt normal.

Later I walked across the street to the mall for a cup of coffee. I walked all over and couldnt find any. I bought some food and sat down in the food court to eat. As I was eating the old man at the table next to me got up and looked down at me and asked....would you like a cup of coffee? You look like youd like a cup of coffee.

I really almost lost it right then. It sucks to cry in public and it sucks even more when your crying bc someone bought you a stupid cup of coffee.

He came back with my coffee and said "we are all widowers. We meet here everyday" and he pointed to his table of 5 other very elderly men. They all had been married over 50 years...longer then my life and they all missed their wives terribly. I hung out for an hour with thrm. They thanked me for listening to them tell there stories and said nice pleasent things in response to my job and my life and such small talk stuff.

It was two polar opposite interactions with men. One hating me just for being there....the others loving me.

After that man freaked out on me...I was scared. Crazy mean people who attack like that are unpredictable and do horrible things bc they are all pent up and ready to explode craziness.

I dont want to live in a world like that. I dont need that rush of adreniline or dopamine to make me feel alive. I can feel that myself with out drama. I can feel so alive and loving and good and I dont need stress or drama or trauma to remind me Im alive. I just look at a tree or an ant or the back of my hand and feel so good about the world.

I want to live in my quiet little home with my houseplants and books and music and feel safe and happy with all that I do have. I have the most beautiful loving tender memories, soul touching memories and to be honest it feels greedy for me to want more....Ive had more blessings and goodnesses in my life then most women who have Ever lived. Id be nothing but a spoiled brat to say...yea...but I want this one other thing to be happy.
So I too leave that mass produced culture that surrounds me physically and happily live in a dream world were I have the sweetest sweatheart who is far away working on a secret mission and Im raising my kids and painting and working hard and teaching kids and doing my part and being the strange little bundle of stuff that I am.

Im glad you are back to what is real and what is important....its easy to go low in this world...everybody can go low but to get high...to be uplifted..to bring up...thats the goodstuff and the world needs more of that.


https://youtu.be/r3kQlzOi27M

Hi V, i will respond to your last post later. It stimulated my mind relative to some things in my life .

SteveS wrote: Sun Mar 01, 2020 12:12 pm Hi V, i will respond to your last post later. It stimulated my mind relative to some things in my life .

Cant wait to hear your thoughts.

As a side note: I did some very interesting work regarding my angular Jupiter and the limiting beliefs I have regarding money and prosperity and why I have such an aversion and disdain for money.

In fact it came to my consciousness that one of the fundemental relationship issues I have with Craig is that he is rich and comes from a rich family. I come from dirt poor.

In the past week I have been shocked by meeting men and women(unintended...like my post above...) Who have straight out said how they want to spoil me and take care of me and buy me everything and travel and.....

And Im like....
Scared outa my mind and not wanting anypart of it.

My family was dirt poor but we loved each other and made do and played games and laugh and sing and value things that you cant buy.
We were rich with a different sort of currancy.
I dont want pieces of meaningless paper or fast cars or tanning booths or vacation houses.

It made think about Jim and wine....
A spoilt grape can turn into intoxicating wine or vinegar depending.....that is like Jupiter

V wrote:

I dont want pieces of meaningless paper or fast cars or tanning booths or vacation houses.

Me either! But, I have always enjoyed the challenges of making enough $ to enjoy a simple comfortable life, left alone to study astrology and see the truth of astrology working in all aspects of my life. I was very fortunate when I was 21 a wise old man told me exactly what I had to do to protect myself from a corrupt $ economic system in order to bring peace and harmony into a retired life, based on the poor economic environment I was born into.

V wrote:

He came back with my coffee and said "we are all widowers. We meet here everyday" and he pointed to his table of 5 other very elderly men. They all had been married over 50 years...longer then my life and they all missed their wives terribly. I hung out for an hour with thrm. They thanked me for listening to them tell there stories and said nice pleasent things in response to my job and my life and such small talk stuff.

Every morning at 5:00 AM I go to a place for my $2.74 breakfast. There when the doors open are the widowers and they do a-lot of laughing with their couple of hours of togetherness, it sustains their life but I know when they go home to their empty homes, the laughter probably turns to sadness. This group of widowers teach me to thank my blessings everyday for my dear wife and close friends.

It was two polar opposite interactions with men. One hating me just for being there....the others loving me.

Maybe the lesson here is endeavor to find a live group somewhere who relates to your life and welcomes you into their lives. I understand—easier said than done.

V wrote:

I just look at a tree...

I love the way you communicate with nature.

V wrote:

Im glad you are back to what is real and what is important....its easy to go low in this world...everybody can go low but to get high...to be uplifted..to bring up...thats the goodstuff and the world needs more of that.

Thanks V for your thoughts.
As a Virgo I am always seeking perfection knowing in this world its difficult to find. My youtube music is the closest I can come to seeing/feeling perfection. When I was young the most uplifting thing out there was music. I came-up in my times with some great musical artists (bands) in the days of Uranus-Pluto conjunction which absolutely moved my soul in an extraordinary revolutionary ways. I swear, I think its was the revolutionary music which played a major role in making me truly happy and awaking my soul to other realms of thoughts. Here is what is happening nowadays (decade of 2010 7 Uranus-Pluto 90's) with my youtube music: The same artist who awoke my soul with joy and happiness with their music when I was young have now perfected their most popular songs with a much higher level of musical artistry and tones, and much of this artistry has to do with the close-up visuals of youtube's filming crews who are showing the details of each section of the band's members playing their individual musical instruments. This new musical realm/experience for me raises the hairs on the back of my neck and goose bumps all over. It makes me realize good visual music is truly magical and healing! It provokes all of my happy moments in life. It makes me realize how important the happy moments were in my life. It truly is a great discovery for me-- its my youtube music which truly stimulates the Jupiter in my chart. Its a Jupiter time machine carrying me to the past places I can resonate my mind too offering me the feeling of peace & harmony. Its the places I want to be as much as possible in my advancing years of aging in a world I no longer understand or like. My home and my youtube music is my true sanctuary. Its a Neptune world and I love it! Maybe I need to stop posting about the future astrology I see in a world I no longer understand...but I do love my recent discovery of Sidereal Mundane Astrology on this forum .

I have choices as we all do, and my choice is to do as much as musically youtube possible what touches Jupiter off in my psyche. I don't care if it is an escape mechanism outside the reality of things in this screwed-up world, I mainly care what youtube music is doing for me in benefic ways .

Steve
I really appreciate what you say and take it to heart.

What you noted as “the corrupt economic system” that we find ourselves in, is the crux of 99.9% of the challenges we find ourselves in. At least IMO, and from what others in my world have shared, it all comes down to money, power and energy. How it is used and misused. Not sure what the .01% is but it might be just a placebo effect.

You Spoke of me finding a group, a group that in a way recharges me and that is a great idea. I don’t have to find one though. I have been blessed for the past few months with the strangest thing that brings me such joy. My daughter laughing. Rolling laughing, like a child. I hear her, for hours at a time laughing and laughing and it is the most beautiful sound. The young man she has been dating over a year is a complete fool for her and I don’t know exactly what he is saying or doing but it is priceless. For so long now I have barely heard a peep from my kids, we used to be so close and laugh and play and enjoy each other and then they grew up. I miss that so much. It is the most precious valuable thing, laughter. More then gold even.
My family and I laugh like that when we get together. We are such goof balls. It just comes out of us naturally like water, and it cant be planned or scripted its all fresh. I thrive and become so alive and happy then because its almost like we travel back in time and we are all 10 year olds just playing.

The world doesn’t seem to have families like that much at all anymore. At least not the ones I know and see and have heard about. The most important commodity, ourselves, has been replaced with things, and distractions, and ways to “veg” out, and this burning drive for material things and experiences and the impersonal and formal and under time constraints. The Family unit is no longer important or valuable or sought after, and it appears as if the “corrupt economic system” is deliberately attacking and trying to destroy the core family unit. Which Im not saying is a perfect thing, ( I have sought sympathy for my upbringing in the past), and could use some refining and revamping in areas, but it is the best part of being alive-familiars-family-kin-relatives.

Which is why it tickles me so that you enjoy the way I communicate with Nature.

I said I was seeking psychiatric help, and I did. I went out into the forest and listened to the wind in the trees and water rushing underground and I felt the sun on my face and I hugged a tree and listened to the story it had to tell. In many way I could be considered slow, naïve, gullible, but when you want to listen to what a tree says you just have to wait and go at a different pace, and this world now a days is on such a fast fast fast pace that the voice of nature is just a muffled blur. Communicating with nature is a huge part of who I am, I relate easily to an ant or a flower, more so then to most people really. Most of the time though I just listen to what it has to say, because a tree doesn’t understand words as much as feeling.
I told the tree though that Im in a situation, and I have to make a lot of very hard choices and do an tremendous amount of work and that I was lacking faith that I was capable of making the best choices and afraid that the impact of my choices on my loved ones would hurt them. Trees don’t understand what choices are very well. To them it obvious, take what you got, add what you had before and grow. That’s what a tree does. A repeating pattern.

It reminds me off what you spoke of when you talked about how your favorite musicians are remastering and improving on classic music that you love so much. I too am in love with all the crisp retakes and sound clarity and inserted and overlayed beats. Its very refreshing especially because the music today, at that horrid megahertz they use is just -yuck. My kids listen to the strangest things that I wouldn’t even consider to be music. So hopefully with all the oldies being redone, they may get a grand revival and become more mainstream again. That process is like the force in nature that makes a tree grow. You could create your own YouTube Channel and share your talents with the world at creating great playlists of awesome forgotten tunes!

So the facts of my situation are that I have been planning on moving. I cant afford this house anymore. I had planned this a while ago. I cannot run myself ragged by getting a part time job. I no longer have the dogs so I should have little problem finding something. My lease is up at the end of June.
I had hoped to find something closer to work so that I could save hundred a month on gas, and travel time.
But….
The kicker is this, I was just summoned to court by Eric for a reduction in Child Support. Apparently he filled to have it lowered or dismissed because he is now disabled. Which means that my child support is gone. Which is fine. I had previously wanted to give him the opportunity to help support his children willingly, and he did, some what and for that I am thankful, but I worked hard so that I was not reliant on his money. If I got it things were better but if not we were still ok. So Thursday at 11 I start another court cycle. Im going to just thank the court for all the help and thank Eric for at least letting me know this time that he isn’t able to support the kids so that I can make sure any slack is taken up.
So that means, with a reduction in child support there is no way I could swing this house and also most unfortunately, no way I can any longer work for the school. It just doesn’t pay enough. I love my job and feel terrible about it and hate leaving my little friends more then anything but I just cant get by anymore. Its not a year round job, which is a huge financial burden because its impossible to save much of any money.

And then Im faced with my attitudes about money and jobs and what people do with there time for money and basically the whole 99.9% corrupt financial system issues scream at me to just enslave myself to the system and suck it up and grind away and make money. I could make a lot of money. I could have a lot of money. I don’t want it. I want laughter and jokes and whispering trees and good music and clean water.

Trees don’t like the idea of money, especially paper money. Its like cannibalism to them, but with a lot of waste.

Steve, I hope you don’t think I was saying you should stop posting about astrology in reference to the song I linked. That song is the top of my playlist, and that day I was very sad and turned it on, and it made me remember your fun posts about Your playlists which I loved reading about because it was so pure and innocent and light and fun and well….like me I know that the future looks all mucky mucky and we never do really know how things are going to seem but I hope you continue to share your bright ideas and interesting perspective and your passionate spirit because the worlds needs lots of that and your ingenuity and craftiness. And if your right your right and if your wrong you tried and you can try again and its in our failures that we are given the opportunity to grow and reach to the stars.

The tree told me that every day I need to tell the world Good Morning Veronica says I love you. Its an affirmation of sorts to get into my mind my own true self, as shown in my natal chart, a declaration of who I am and what I have to contribute to the world. Im trying in a fashion to get out of what I think is a lazy bad habit of mine of letting the world swish me about in its influences and instead push out into the world the very best of me and what I have to offer. And I do think my chart does have so nice things to offer. I do love this world and see the best of it. I just cant let myself slide back into sad feelings and low vibrational behaviors and all that. I am very sad that I am to busy, and going to get even busier, Id like to visit my family a lot more and get the laugh going, but we have phones and could talk that way and don’t have to see each other to cheer each other on.

Just because he says he's disabled, that doesn't mean your child support will be reduced. Your children don't eat less because he's disabled. And you can get a job over the summer waitressing or something. It's hard work, yes, but it can be fun. And it doesn't have to be full time 8-5 either.

Jupiter Sets at Dawn wrote: Mon Mar 02, 2020 5:46 pm Just because he says he's disabled, that doesn't mean your child support will be reduced. Your children don't eat less because he's disabled. And you can get a job over the summer waitressing or something. It's hard work, yes, but it can be fun. And it doesn't have to be full time 8-5 either.

Thanks for the reminders.
Im not worried. Tree reassured me that everything unfolds as it should and to stay true to myself. Perspective and attitude are everything.
I have an infinite support system to draw from.
My limits are only in my mind.

Eric sent a nasty note to my father saying Im going to end up working back at the dance club where he saved me from. Funny that he firgets I also worked full time at the college library and part time at my local library and worked as a server because it was fun (my old neighbor was the bouncer and would let me in before the club opened so I could do my little dance work outs privately).
I have a huge blesding with my conjunction in the 6th house because I can make any task...even plunging toliets fun....just a spoonful of sugar....
Im going to register at the temp agencies, businesses are always needing substitute clercial staff and personal assistants. I trust the Universe is on my side and wants me to suceed so Im getting my ego outta tbe way so it can.
Thanks for the positive spin!

V wrote:

What you noted as “the corrupt economic system” that we find ourselves in, is the crux of 99.9% of the challenges we find ourselves in.

Exactly!!! V, I always see certain truths of matters in your posts, but by far, your above words speaks the most truth ever imo. The greatest thing in my life that my rising Jupiter brought to me was my wife and friends, but a very close second was my 3 week encounter in 1976 with a wise man who taught me beginning in 1971, the USA was headed for major financial problems which would manifest a corrupt and fraudulent political system. He taught me a life plan and if I had not followed it to the letter my life would be mostly ruined philosophically, psychologically, and not being able to live a very simple life with a modest fixed income.

V wrote:

It is the most precious valuable thing, laughter. More then gold even.

More valuable truth V. The real gold of Jupiter is its influence of laughter. Whenever anyone can find someone in their life who makes each other life—“it is indeed the most precious valuable thing”. Laughter is our best medicine and much in today's World appears to be running very low on laughter.

V wrote:

My family and I laugh like that when we get together. We are such goof balls. It just comes out of us naturally like water, and it cant be planned or scripted its all fresh. I thrive and become so alive and happy then because its almost like we travel back in time and we are all 10 year olds just playing.

I know exactly what you mean. Whenever I need to recharge myself that invisible benefic natural spirit of life, I get together with my best friend in raw nature and we make each other roar with laughter---”naturally.” It acts like a true magical elixir.

V wrote:

The Family unit is no longer important or valuable or sought after, and it appears as if the “corrupt economic system” is deliberately attacking and trying to destroy the core family unit.

So true V and its a tragedy!

V wrote:
I said I was seeking psychiatric help, and I did. I went out into the forest and listened to the wind in the trees and water rushing underground and I felt the sun on my face and I hugged a tree and listened to the story it had to tell.

Beautiful V--you are smart. Outdoor Nature is the greatest healing agent on the face of this planet and the one's who know how to listen to nature like you know how to heal themselves on so many levels. The corrupt economic system has taken time away from the people to enjoy this natural healing agent of nature. When I was a kid growing-up I would sneak out of the house about 3 AM and go lay down on a grassy knoll and look into the clear early morning sky/stars. It truly was a part of nature 'calling' me, no different than your posts about nature 'calling' and speaking to you. You should seriously take this nature personally communicating with you and make it your life objective to somehow figure out how you can achieve employment with a simple living surrounded by outdoor nature. Make it your dream V.

V wrote:

Steve, I hope you don’t think I was saying you should stop posting about astrology in reference to the song I linked.

Not at all V. If I stopped posting about astrology I would cut short fulfilling my destiny which would most certainly stop me with my growth with astrological learning. I was told in 1976 by a very powerful psychic to one day help other astrologers by teaching all I know/see with the astrology which is naturally in me, for this will allow my learning of astrology to grow. So much of the astrology I see/know comes from Jim's teachings but applied in my own unique personal manner for my life objectives.

V wrote:

...but I hope you continue to share your bright ideas and interesting perspective and your passionate spirit because the worlds needs lots of that and your ingenuity and craftiness. And if your right your right and if your wrong you tried and you can try again and its in our failures that we are given the opportunity to grow and reach to the stars.

Thank you so much V, I truly understand where you are coming from.

V wrote:

And I do think my chart does have so nice things to offer. I do love this world and see the best of it.

It does have nice things to offer and indeed you do see the best of things in this world-- particularly with your personal closeness/communications with nature, which I think is probably the core of your psyche/natal chart. Try to take time out each day in nature to meditate on practical future career objectives which could one day in your future allow you to move and be more absorbed by nature in your everyday activity, maybe out West somewhere working as a tour guide. And, if you ever make it to an interview for a career in nature—just tell em you are the best candidate because you truly love nature, and you will get the gig. Again, make this nature calling which is a true healing part of your life-- a dream to one day be fulfilled. Try to avoid thinking about those who bring you down. I learned a long time ago--if you don't make it an objective to continue to figure out ways (life plans A,B,C...) to avoid the people in your life who bring you down--they will eventually destroy you.

You got to have a dream. If you don't have a dream—how you gonna have a dream come true. Bloody Mary.

Court was a shock.
Eric 2as in a neckbrace. He said he was out of work from mid Feb till mid March and wanted his payments reduced for that time only and based on his disability payments. The judge said he was obliged to pay $5.00 a week. He offered $45. I said Thank you thats fine.

I have a horrible feeling in my gut that this was just a set up. It just feels off.

So Im moving forward with the belief that I will not be getting any kind of realiable support from him at all anymore.

I started repacking and clearing out and looking for a new place and other work.


Steve
I hear what you are saying and encouraging me to dream and to dream of nature. I have this nice midpoint between my venus and Uranus that makes my eyes twinkle. If I told someone I love Nature....that statement would hit on that spot.
I do have a really big dream. Its the biggest dream a person could have. I think it also hits on that midpoint.

Never stop dreaming V. And I wish you the best for your new adjustment for your new circumstances dealing with Eric.

SteveS wrote: Sat Mar 07, 2020 10:25 am Never stop dreaming V. And I wish you the best for your new adjustment for your new circumstances dealing with Eric.

My Dream of my kids both graduating their hometown school will be fulfilled mid June:)
Its been my focus.
Im staying focused on it till its done.
Even though it seems like life is inviting me to start a new dream, I need to follow through with this one first.

The human mind is always dreaming. Even when awake.
Thank you for your encouragement.

As a mother V, I admire your main objectives pertaining to your children. Yon have your priorities in order. .

SteveS wrote: Mon Mar 09, 2020 1:50 am As a mother V, I admire your main objectives pertaining to your children. Yon have your priorities in order. .

Thank you again Steve for your kind words.

I have had an extremely eventful week, Mars transited my natal Venus and brought very Martian themes: Car caught fire on expressway and is not economically repairable, got pulled over twice in less then an hour and handcuffed (!) for some BS registration issue from almost 2 years ago, (which helped me gain more clarity into the difference between Law and legal in this world especially how Saturn and Mars both can indicate authority but with distinctions), work load increased because of virus, ran into the prettiest blue eyes in the most unlikely of places, hit another deer pretty hard this time, and had a major truck crash happen within inches of the driver side of my car that was so loud my ears rang for a long time.

I need to buy a new car. I wonder if I would be able to score a really great deal now because of the virus and the market? I bet I can! I really want a Jeep Liberty in green.

Today is the day, if I have cast my charts correctly, that I have a Once in a Lifetime conjunction of my Solar Arc Uranus and my natal Moon.
I had wanted to share about my day because it felt so surprisingly special and grand and filled me with such optimism and happiness. I knew something in my chart had to be pretty much dead on, and there it was, this aspect that my entire being is so receptive and ready for. It is as if I have been born anew in a very real way.
I was able to do something today that I have not been able to do in what feels like forever. The pain and fear of hurting myself again has kept me from doing something I love doing so much, and today was the day that I pushed past that fear and did it .Its such a small stupid thing really, something that I know I definitely took for granted when I was able to do it.
Here in New York spring is really starting to happen. My sister and I called this time after Winter and right before spring, the afterbirth of Winter. The landscape looks nasty and dirty, with litter and broken sticks, piles of black polluted snow melting, tire ruts in lawns, potholes that could take down a tanker truck, just the world seemingly broken and chaotic and seemingly wasted brown and grey. Its really not pretty, the road ways and ditches and streets barren of life and just covered with discarded dibs and dabs of who even knows what it was before winter came…….
But right now is the most important time to make head way for the seasons coming. What we do in the spring, the seeds we plant and nurture are what we harvest.
I love this time of year! I love getting to go out in the yard, not bundled up in a snowsuit, and feeling the earth get soft and thaw right under my steps. I love the little bits of green that dare to poke up threw last years vegetation. I love the fresh air and the sounds of the birds and the FROGGIES!!!!
There is always so much work to do to clean up after winter. Sticks and leaves and nuts and brambles are every where. When I owned my own home I had two of the messiest trees in the world, Weeping Willows, and every spring I had a blanket of sticks all over my grass that needed to be picked up or they would choke out the grass and make a big dead dirt spot. I loved it. I thanked the trees for each and every stick that I had to bend down and pick up and pile up. I thanked the trees for the hard work of cleaning the yard, and I would sing them a little song I wrote about the interconnectedness of all life and how it all circled back.
I got to pick up my yard today. All Day. I got to rake and dig and pull and push the earth and the brambles and move rocks and clean away leaves and junk and it was so wonderful. I’ve been so scared that the injury to my spine and shoulders was going to really be permanent. It hurt so bad for so long, doing silly stupid things like trying to brush my hair. I got so much done! I cleared away all the dead looking broken things and put out my garden decorations of gnomes and fairies and Godzilla (like a big plastic kids toy Godzilla). Yesterday my daughter and I went shopping and I found the biggest brightest rainbow colored plastic pinwheels, I was so excited to find them. The store was empty and I saw them right away, and grabbed them and held them up over my head and ran around the empty store with my pinwheels spinning like crazy, laughing and cheering for spring. The cashier said I was on video and was going to put it on facebook and make me viral, that’s how outrageous she thought I was with my beloved pinwheels. So my pinwheels are firmly planted in my garden, for all the thousands of people who are now “socially distancing” from everything, and coming to fill this park I live in…….it looks bright and cheery.
I also bought myself a new car. Im very happy about it. I found a solid, low mileage, pretty little red car and had it towed home, just because I wasn’t going to take any chances with that angular mars I have in my SSR. Don’t know when I will get to register it, but that ok I don’t need it right away.
But beyond the physical healing that my body went through and my total lack of pain in those areas, my psyche seems to have been reborn to dreams that I used to hold, and goals that I used to have long ago. When I owned my own home, I wanted it to eventually be “off grid” with solar panels, and a huge garden and livestock and very self sufficient. I was afraid of what I saw in the world, how a solar flare could wipe out our grid or pollution in the water, and with my little babes in mind, I wanted to prevent their little selves from pain and suffering of that apocalyptic future that dystopian stories talk of. In fact it was 9/11 that made me give up my job and become a stay at home mom, and a home schooler and square foot gardener and the towns crazy chicken lady…..that Saturn/Pluto event shifted my priorities in a huge way. Its doing it again.
I read the books, I did the work…..I saw it was possible. But I gave up that dream because it seemed so selfish of me to isolate my family and only take care of myself and well, what about every body else? I could go off grid, but my neighbor and kin and community will still suffer, so what was the point in doing that if it only served me and my own. Today though, after a month of some very serious Gaia consciousness work I have been doing I feel like Im ready to Dream a new Dream. I don’t need to wait till June when Sabrina graduates, that’s done, that dream is as good as fulfilled because literally there is really nothing at all that is going to prevent her from graduating at this point, especially under these circumstances.
I want a little bit of earth somewhere where I can grow plants and have a few chickens and rabbits and goats. Now that I can do hard lobar again I feel like I can open doors that were shut before.

I'm so glad you feel better, and you have options.

Jupiter Sets at Dawn wrote: Wed Mar 18, 2020 6:57 pm I'm so glad you feel better, and you have options.

Thank you Jupiter.
Some of the words you have said to me when I was really in a bad place helped me immensely. Thank you for being kind and thoughtful and supportive.
Not having a mommy to tell me to get to bed and give it time........well.....mommies speak through others mouths sometimes. You have my deepest respect and admiration.
It truelly does feel, even in this environment of the world, that I do have lots of great options and opportunities.

I went and did yard work for my dad and sister today. Making funny faces and silly dances at them on the other side of the window. I love making people laugh.

The sun transited opposite my natal pluto today.

Social media slander I guess you could call it.
Outta the blue
Brought nosey neighborhood people sending me smack talk texts.

Sometimes I think my conjunction is the very very very best part of me. But Its alot of feelings. Its alot.
It makes me think that since it is sometimes allot for me to cope/live with....that for people in my life whom it aspects something in their chart....its hard on them too.
Its probably, with my Pluto, the reasons my relationships are so intense and fail.. Its like Im running 220 and they can only take 110
I mean, Ive lived with that aspect my entire life but what must it be like to others who expierence that conjunction as a transit?

V wrote:

Its probably, with my Pluto, the reasons my relationships are so intense and fail..

Agreed, IMO, the following planetary natal picture is the main symbolism (signature) of your natal:

PL 90 AS (0,34)
Direct Midpoint of Venus/Mars =AS (0,94)

Its the negative outside forces of Mars & Pluto manifesting in your life pertaining to Venus (certain relationships) on your natal Horizon. Its not your fault! Its just nature (natural forces) acting (manifesting) on you pertaining to your immediate environments. IMO, this is why you like outside natural nature so much--its void of certain people relationships which brings you down with the negative Mars-Pluto acting on you. Does this make sense?

It does.

Its void of walls, and bars, and limits and chains.
Its freedom
And liberty
And acceptance

Ya know,
The other day when I got pulled over
And the officer said I was going to be put in handcuffs....

I freaked out.
I begged and cried and shook and panicked and was so so scared. Terrified. To my core. My mind thought of a million things to get away. To run. To hide. To drive away. That cop saw the look of primal terror and she said a million and one things to try and reassure me that it was ok. That she wasnt going to hurt me. That it was only for a moment and then she would let me go.
I didnt believe her.
Its not claustrophobia
Its not trusting

Yesterday when I saw/read the hurtful things about me being broadcast to all my schoolmates, i tried to not take it personally as they laughed at me and threw words like daggers.....I wanted to grab my backpack and just walk. Like Forrest Gump....off into the world and leave mankinds power struggles and control and domestication. It was so hard not too.
But my bedroom was filled with little ladybugs. They spent the winter in my closet sleeping in my books sheltered from tge winter and they woke up and were walking about looking for a way out. So I took them one by one to my open window and let them be free.
Like me screaming not be restrained
I knew how they felt to be trapped inside something they didnt understand and wasnt natural and couldnt sustain them.

I understand V. Mars-Pluto is a tough symbolic natal factor to handle/harmonize. I commend you how you find ways to deflect its hurtful manifestations. You are a much stronger person than most others.

Steve ,
ya know, its my underlaying knowledge that all life, all things are connected and what I may do or say to another I am doing and saying to myself.....that transmutes that sometimes overbearing feeling to attack back...to treat others as they treated me. With that Scorpio Stellium I got ammo for sure against people as thier weaknesses are crystal clear to me. But thats like child abuse, or a man raping a woman, or pedophiles....its taking advantage of others weakness for your own power trip. Thats evil and the world is filled with it and Im sick of it. Sick to my soul of abuse of power and strength and fear mongering and irresponsibly and going along with the status quo bc its chains are comfortable.

If people dont like me and want me being nice to them thats a reflection of how they feel about themselves and the thier life. They can twist things about and demonize me and all they have done is hurt themselves and denied thier right to feel loved and valued and appreciated.

Seems this fixed star is conjunct my MC.

Very fitting as something that I have always noticed ny whole life is when the frogs first wake up after winter and sing. Thats the day I know I can wear sandles. The star is sometimes called The First Frog.

Not to keen on it being called the loneliest star....but its fitting.

So,
A month into my new SSR and wow!
Good thing my neck and shoulder pain are gone.

Concidering that the entire world atmosphere has shifted, I think I would do well to reinterpret my SSR under the new light.

I have a new Demi lunar setting up on the 29th, so I think this is a very appropriate time for me to reevalue this year and shift my gears and change up my perception of the forces out in the world as shown in my return chart.

Sigh
Always something

Things really seemed to be reaching a point where I could look forward to living for myself....of not having to be the primary responsible adult ....working paying bills cooking cleaning fixing driving entertaining.....
A time when I could relax bc the dishes really would stay done kinda thought.

This whole social distancing thing.....of people not being able to see or touch thier loved ones....I feel like rewinding the past years of my life and showing them that that is how I have felt for 2 years now. Not being touched or kissed or hugged by a loved one. The loniness and uncertainty the despair and fear each and every day waiting for me like a garment to wear. But I sucked it up. Like I still do and trudge on again. Hoping that maybe today will be the day.

And now their is a killer virus and I have respiratory issues....
So yet again
Here I sit
Because I cant do anything reckless and possibly die and orphan my children.

My demi lunar has transiting Mars and saturn conjunct....trine my Pluto which I do know to be highly sensitive to some transits.
Transiting Venus is partile square my node
My natal venus is on the Ac

Had a huge fight with my sisters daughters who do not want me going and doing yardwork at dad/sisters for fear thier rebellious immucompromised mother will come outside and I will get her sick.

I had allready started looking for work vefore all this and the only thing Im doing is switching up where I am looking.
I believe my wages at the school are going to paid till June but well...Im not relying on it.

Thats part of something I discovered about my attitude towards government.
I dont rely on the government to take care of me. I rely on myself and my relationship to Spirit and God. Government is good but ....well....in many ways gov is for people who cant take care of themselves.

I am sincerly praying that Jupiters retrograde motion this spring and summer does not mean illness coming and going. I can definately say that I had originally hoped with this SSR that Jupiter motion was me going to see a few rock concerts I was going to buy tickets with with my tax refund as a reward for working so hard in getting my kids through school.
Obviously thats not in the stars for me any time soon.

I am now slightly concerned about my progressed moon conjunct jupiter this summer...as the original delination of "unusual blessings" seems like an invitation to be stuck in bed.

But Im not going to fret about things.
Ive worked and done alot and my kids are strong and smart so what ever the world tosses at our door I know we are in a good place.

I was thinking of going camping for a few days, Id like that. But Im worried if I went and got sick.....being alone...that woukdnt be a smart thing to do. I really want to. Its so crowded feeling here which I know is absurd but really this public park is saturated with people out and about picnicking. Not my cup of tea.

I think Im gonna pop my tent in the backyard anyway and pretend.

Yes, you should probably reassess your solar in light of what you know about current conditions.

Jupiter is a benefic. Unless it's aspected by a malefic planet closely or we're talking about Jupiter Pluvius in mundane astrology, it can't be anything other than a benefic. It can't cause sickness.

All "retrograde motion" means is the planet in question is moving slower. That is all it means. Including Mercury. It's a slow moving all day soaking rain rather than a fast moving shower.

I wish people would get over that old crap. People who use houses and a fictitious zodiac need to find something to explain stuff they otherwise can't. We don't need that stuff. And if we can't explain something, we say so, just like if we're wrong we say so.

Everybody's demi-lunar has mars and Saturn conjunct. They are conjunct in the sky. If they aren't angular, or aspecting a luminary, ignore the aspect.

This virus comes on slowly, like any other cold. As long as you can get to help within 3 days, you're probably fine to go camping. Just start home when you get a scratchy throat, head-ache etc.

This is an outstanding post, J!

Thank you Jupiter for the most excellent feedback.
It really clicked in my head about the rain metaphor and retrograde motion. So instead of seeing that Jupiter as me going to a few fun musical events, its more like a whole spring/summer filled.....like a festival with multiple performances.

I hear what you are saying about Jupiter being a Benefic. I have a part of me that is so positive and optimistic that when I hear that Saturn is a Malefic.....a little part of me cries because All that Saturn does is not bad....and in a way I feel sad that a planet composed of atoms and elements just being together are lumped into a word that people equate with garbage and things to be discarded.
And if that part of me thats resists labeling Saturn as bad, and can somehow find a silver lining or pot of gold hidden in what everyobe elses sees as crap....
Then I have to honor super symatry and say that Jupiter conversely cannot be All Good.
And I struggle wuth that.
And Im wrong about silver linings sometimes....
But sonetimes I find them
And Im glad that I didnt take it at face value and that I never gave up and I knew that I could find what I was looking for.

I looked over my SSR for this year again. And all my lunar s and demi lunars and Ill tell you what I see now under these new world circumstances because I was so excited and happy with this new year and all the wonderful opportunities it showed when I first looked at it. It looked like Lotsa hard work and challenges and exciting physical confrontations and incidents and I dare to say it even looked like Id get some love and affection and support.

Now....
I see the same thing.
I see a woman who works hard and enjoys challenges and isnt afraud to try and to fail and try again, a woman who has a relentless spirit tgat refuses to bow out and guve up on her dreams. My chart for this year shows how all my hard work in staying loving and positive and optimistic, in making the best right choice each moment, in being fit in mind body and soul and staying true and faithful to that inner guide that I have trusted my entire life has paid off and at almost 50 I am still able to laugh and smile and see the wonder and beauty of the world and appreciate all the blessings that are all around me at all times...weather Jupiter is aspecting something or not.
I am going to have a great year filled with all kinds of wonderful amazing people and places and things!! I have a lot more work to do.

Im not going camping though. Yet. The nights are to cold for me to sleep outside with asthma. Once the nights get out of the 30s though.....

Veronica wrote: Sat Mar 28, 2020 12:42 pm I hear what you are saying about Jupiter being a Benefic. I have a part of me that is so positive and optimistic that when I hear that Saturn is a Malefic.....a little part of me cries because All that Saturn does is not bad....and in a way I feel sad that a planet composed of atoms and elements just being together are lumped into a word that people equate with garbage and things to be discarded.

I think the key is not to be so absolute about the meaning. "Good vs. bad" is ultimately arbitrary, isn't absolute, and already reflects a judgment (something that feels bad may be good for you, etc.). That's why I define these terms in a more relative way. I probably spelled this out best in the Sidereal Mundane Astrology book (note the word "tend"):

1. Bad things happen when the “bad” planets (Mars and Saturn) are on the angles.
2. Good things happen when the “good” planets (Venus and Jupiter) are on the angles.
3. By “bad events” we mean events that people generally call bad, uncomfortable, painful, and unhappy. By “good events,” we mean occurrences that humans in the collective call good, fun, pleasant, and happy.
4. Good events feel good. Bad events feel bad.

What is good for the spider is bad for the fly.

It is all relative.

My dem lunar for March 29th appears to only have two strong angular aspects. No strong luminary aspects.

Natal Venus on the Asc.....art love and beauty accentuated
And the transiting Node on my Asc.

Thank you Jim for reminding me of the slippery slope of absolutism and the importance of perspectives.

V wrote:

I was thinking of going camping for a few days, Id like that. B

I just got back camping out with one of my best friends at a huge private campground (Chief Ladiga Campground). I rigged my 2003 Matrix for sleeping in the back with back seats laid down with customize 6 in thick firm foam rubber pad. Backed it up close to a fast running small river (Terrapin) with Sun Roof open for fresh air and slept like a baby--- friend did the same with his vehicle. Met great new people from Ohio, West Virginia, Arkansas, Florida and other places in the South. The person from West Virginia gave me a natural honey/cinnamon remedy which he swears-by for protecting his good health. I posted it in 'Many Things.'

We can't stay in our home dwellings forever--try to get out in large outdoor open spaces for sunshine and fresh air, as much as possible

My first car was a 1976 Cutlass Supreme. On the weekends my girlfriend and I would drive to different campsites around NY and just sleep on the huge bench seats. I was a greener about camping. Didnt bring nothing at all with us but wine and weed and a boombox.

Yesterday for my dem lunar I got the spoilt luxury of a hot flash of an afternoon thundershower which drenched the woods and sent the vistors running. The whole park was empty again so I could hike. The frogs were out finally and the biggest blessing of all was I came across a black squirel. Ive never seen a black squirrel in Ny.

My wife and I are having fun rigging-up her Rav4 with an easily movable kit, which allows us to sleep inside the vehicle. We have discovered the GranRest 4 Tri - Folding Memory Foam Mattress at Walmart, only weighs 10 pounds.

https://www.walmart.com/search/?query=f ... 20mattress

I am so freaking angry with myself right now!
I should have known better and never relied on anything but myself!!
I should have listened to that inner voice that said
"If it seems to good to be true......."

In amunst a 10 or 15 paragrapged letter to all employees yesterday, is one sentence that tells me that my contractual job has ended as of the 15th and my stipend will be prorated to actual days worked.

Thats the risk you take when you work for the gov.

I may have to bump someone for a job. Thats how civil service works.

I think Ill start a flower business. I think the world might need them. I doubt the flower trucks from down south will get past NY boarders with National Guard.

you can and should get unemployment. The number of weeks you can collect has been extended, you don't have to look for a job nor is there a waiting period before you're eligible. Take that letter with you to show you didn't know you were out of a job, they hid that information from you.

It sure was hidden! Called my co worker who is also our Union rep and she missed that bit the first time she read it. She said the same as you. Thanks for the good advice. I think for Sabrinas sake too I better apply for foodstamps.

I feel like Im in a spot though....
But I know that I cant do anything
But file paperwork and wait.

For a very long time now I have had some very scary physical sensations going on in my solar plexus area.
It has progressively been getting worse. I feel it in my heart as well but mostly right at the center where my diaphram is. It was like a slow suffacation.
I know I am loosing energy and power from there. A slow drain. Yesterday as I struggled with my breathing excersizes it came ti me that this feeling of suffocation was just like the last minth a being pregnant and the hufe baby is pushing up into the diaphragm.
I have tried to be upbeat and positive throughout this and not succumb to fear. Before the virus though I was always like....its ok girl..just be calm breathe create space inside....but that virus would kill me if I caught it with my little lungs.

Today though its gone. Completely. That twittering tight short hardness...the lump inside...its completely gone.

My solar arc Uranus is conjunct my natal moon partile and I think what I had previously said month ago was that I was going to expierence a rebirth in a way. Been so lonely for so long. Been hoping for a reconciliation with Craig. Been working so hard to take care of these kids and play my part....

I dont really know what is going on because its been so long feeling bad and in pain and now its gone.
I got stung by hornets this morning who cuddled up in my bathrobe overnight!! But i didnt get asthma or anything this time. I was really scared about that feeling and how it appeared to just be getting worse and worse.

A part of me has not been alowing my personal energy to flow strongly jnto my heart bc truthfully I dont think my heart is strong enough to take it. It felt like it would just break for good and I got work to do.

Just thought Id note the strange biology and all that as it seems to have completely resolved just like it did after giving birth.

My Lunar return set up tomorrow with another lovely month ahead of birds and butterflies and climbing trees and giving thanks each morning and night for my life.