Veronica

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Veronica
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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sat Oct 13, 2018 6:29 am

As a person who has been very health conscious most all of my life and studied many forms of holistic healing as well as yoga and deep psychoanalysis I am stumbing over why I have this chronic delberating pain in my back.
As if a knife is stuck right outa reach by my shoulder blades.

From my life studies I am convinved that all pain is a symptom of deep issues...even if that pain or malady does arise from a physical accident (like mine did at work) and have physical roots in material tissue damage.

I cant live like this, being in chronic pain and not able yo be vital and work.

The drs on my case did not document my issues clearly and now workers comp and the insurance are dening my claims for services and treatment.

My lawyer told me to get new drs which means I would be back to the drawing board and have a long wait before I can get approved for the needed surgery to repair my damaged tissues and nerves.

Yet i fully believe the body can repair and heal and overcome all issues of imbalance. I am very good at giving others advice on what to do for health concerns and intuitive on treatments for the individual.

My issues though
Being stabbed in the back by my 3 past lovers (or more persicicly my feelings and belief that I was taken advantage, used, mistreated, cheated on, and economically (power) played) has left me not able to take my own advice, not able to maintain my own healthy life practices ( which all 3 had major issues with) and just feeling most days like a big gapping bloody wound exposed to the world like a raw nerve....not physically able to be loving and kind and generous and hopefull...which is my natural state of being.

I truelly believe that the symbolic language of astrology is mainfest in our biology truelly imbeded in our amino acid secquencings of our dna and I also believe that all things are connected and availible to fullfill our needs.

I dont see why my soul needs this crippling pain. I dont understand what I need to do to break free of the limiatations of my mind so that I can pull these knives out.

I tried making amends and being nice with all 3 of these men, yet none of them took the opportunity to extend the same to me. I believe that it lies in the heart, as it was the loving heart that created the infererior mind and i believe for me that message is even more true as my sun/moon/neptune/jupiter midpoints as well as my mars/mercury midpoints all sit close to my beloved venus.

I am obessive. And the root meaning of that word is "to sit".

I cant sit with this crippling pain anymore. It makes me want to give up and just die. I want to be painfree again and pull out these hurtfull knives and show the world love and beauty naturally and not a force smile and silly songs that make me cry when i turn the camera off.

I know enough about Alchemy and higher spiritual work and I wish I had some other thing to focus on. To obsess on. To sit with. Other then feeling like a complete failure to these men whom i loved and tried to share spiritual love with. They obviously have thier own soul work to do and dont feel any need to have me in thier life and I know better then to force my will on those who do not accept my gifts.

I am hoping that some how I will be able to give myself love and get over this huge mountain of pain I am forcing my soul to climb.

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Jupiter Sets at Dawn
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Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Sat Oct 13, 2018 11:49 am

Veronica wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 6:29 am
I cant live like this, being in chronic pain and not able yo be vital and work.
While I understand the sentiment, who are you threatening to commit suicide at?
Us? We can't help you.
Your exes? They don't care.
The Universe? It will manage to use you whether you're alive or not.
Yourself? To what end?
Your kids? Must be your kids. Can they help you? You want one to spend years to become a surgeon to help you and that's what the threat is meant to confirm? Or what?

Stop.

Your lawyer told you what to do. You don't want to because you want the pain to stop NOW NOW NOW!!!
The pain isn't going to stop because you threaten suicide. The pain will stop if you learn to be patient, and learn to be a patient.
Go do what your lawyer told you to do and stop fussing about having to go back to the drawing board and having a long wait for surgery. Your new doctors can and should get your old doctors test results and x-rays and so on.

And stop trying to find some herbal or mystical or whatever cure and stop trying to pretend you are in control of whether or not your back hurts. You are not. The Goddess helps those that help themselves. Modern medicine is not the be all and end all, but neither is herbs and crystals and acupuncture and prayer. All of them are just tools, including modern medicine.

The Universe gave us a lot of tools. Stop being ungrateful and use all the tools.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. I posted much the same thing earlier, and deleted it because it sounds harsh to me. But sometimes you have to look at what you're doing and saying and thinking and get back on reality.

I'm sorry you hurt. Go to a new doctor like your lawyer told you, and be (a) patient.

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Jupiter Sets at Dawn
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Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Sat Oct 13, 2018 1:48 pm

One other thing.
Getting old is not for sissies.
The biggest difference between the maiden and the crone is arthritis.

Veronica
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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sat Oct 13, 2018 5:02 pm

Im sorry
I wasnt threatening suicide.
Im just not coping well with a million things in my life that need to be done and i cant physicaly do much and hant been able to for the past 2 years and i am frustrated.
Thanks for your advice. I do have a series of new dr appointment s and a hearing w the board.

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Jupiter Sets at Dawn
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Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Sat Oct 13, 2018 7:05 pm

I'm sorry you're frustrated. And I'm sorry you hurt.

Veronica
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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sun Oct 14, 2018 5:50 am

Thanks :)

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