Solunars by Aldebaran Sidereal Academy

Hi guys,

I have been having a tough couple of years and am looking for some hope that things will get better. I had a beautiful spiritual experience in 2017 which has since overwhelmed me. I feel such disappointment and disconnection. Looking for guidance or direction. Thank you.

Name on forum: Liam_Donovan330
Birth date: March 30, 1992
Birth time: 6:03 pm
Residence: Morristown, NJ
Source: My memory/ my mom

Liam, welcome to Solunars.

Liam_Donovan330 wrote: Tue Nov 24, 2020 9:24 am Residence: Morristown, NJ

Were you also born in Morristown? (And, while I'm asking, is that in Middlesex or Morris County? There are two.)

Oh, jeez, sorry I copied and pasted that without looking. I was born in Morristown in Morris County. I currently live in Highlands, NJ.

I haven't forgotten you, Liam. (Looking for a window of time to give you a thoughtful answer.)

Thanks Jim, I really appreciate it.

First, let’s start with some notes on your birth chart. This isn’t exactly what you requested, but it’s usually the best place to start. These notes, provided for your reference and study, are not a full interpretation of your birth chart; rather, they are building blocks from which a full interpretation can be built.

Each factor listed below contributes to your character. These paragraphs commonly repeat or contradict each other. (We all have contradictions.) Though it doesn’t take an astrologer to fuse these factors into a balanced picture of you and your life, it does require knowledge of human behavior and the ways that people support and sabotage themselves. An astrologer, having these skills and knowing this symbolic language, can help you in this process. However, KNOWING YOURSELF is a life-long undertaking. I encourage you to read through these notes, FEELING your way through the interweaving ideas and reflecting on what you know of yourself.

The paragraphs are brief. I have sought to pack in everything essential, to use a few words to imply much more. Not every phrase will apply, of course. Some will be more important than others; but the gist of each section should clearly reflect truth about you.

One obvious theme, probably so strong as to define you in major ways is URANUS + NEPTUNE. With a Pisces Sun and Aquarius Moon, you already are, at root, a Uranus + Neptune person. Additionally, you were born in the era that Uranus and Neptune conjoined each other (about 1° at your birth), and the both semi-square your Moon (and your important Moon-Mars conjunction). I encourage you to study these two planets and their interaction as a primary key to yourself.

ANGULAR PLANETS & KEY ASPECT
Sun opposite Eastpoint (0°12')
Warm, friendly, generous, shining their light on the world (often in a paternal, possibly controlling, sense). Vital, assertive, confident (or acts it). Aware they have purpose (goal, destiny) they must seek, find, and actualize. At best: Is in charge of self and does well leading others (can be bossy, demanding, entitled). Needs centricity (attracts satellites; may expect others’ world to revolve around them). Drawn to proud traditional institutions. Instinct for immortality.

Mercury opposite Ascendant (4°22')
Alert, attentive, observant, strategic, analytic. Mentally sharp, hard to fool (knows more about you than you think). Little emotional affect, hard to read. Nervous (anxiety? worry? touchy?). Easily bored without regular mental stimulation. Good at precise, detailed work; natural at handling business. Curiosity drives sexual choices as much as any other factor.

Uranus conjunct Neptune (1°02')
Wanderlust, curious explorer, drawn to peer or push past horizons. Colliding realities and social revision impact the life. Rules haven’t been discovered for one’s life (maps not yet drawn, “nobody knows what my life is like”). Mythic, ritualistic sense of one’s position in the universal scheme (need to discern one’s role). Knows that life and reality are more mystical and inscrutable (or just plain weird!) than anyone ever said. High-strung, sensitive, easily agitated.

SUN in PISCES
Drawn to the foreign, exotic, wondrous, theatrical, mysterious, glamorous. Wanderlust. Drama, acting, music. Eros vs. moralism. Socially charming. Visionary, romantic, dreamer. Seeks idealistic relationships. Hardened personal reality, stuck patterns. Slavery-bondage. Fickle allegiance, betrayal.

MOON in AQUARIUS
Diverse interests with an instinct for breadth and the interconnection of things. Intellectually rebellious, curious, investigative, futuristic. Science, analysis, discovery. Free spirit + social responsibility. Sexually curious; strange marital conditions. Humane: sympathetic to others’ troubles. Social idealist, reformer. Avoids “herd mind.” Occultists. Space, astronomy, astrology, sci fi.

Moon conjunct Mars (1°07')
Active and reactive, temperamental, thinks and acts rapidly. Detests idleness, rarely still. Driven, competent, ambitious. Impatient, acerbic, irritable. Frank and sharp-tongued (hence friction in close relationships). Needs physical, emotional, and mental “room to breathe” (little domestic instinct). Substance abuse not uncommon. Sexual needs strong, almost irrepressible.

Moon opposite Jupiter (2°43')
Ambitious, desires success, aspires to take the lead. A natural ‘host,’ likes to play ringmaster in all life areas including in social and sexual hospitality. Usually good-humored, entertaining, kind, generous. Drawn to quality, desires only the best (things and circumstances) for self and loved ones. Strong beliefs (often religious or patriotic intensity, moralistic, judgmental). Social elitism (possible feigned superiority, aristocratic conceit).

Moon octile Neptune (0°30')
Hyper-sensitive. Empathic: can be deeply understanding, sympathetic; also, psychically vulnerable, easily wounded, fearing rejection. Self-defense through avoidance, closing senses, withdrawing, introversion (worry, moodiness). Drawn to the imaginative and surrealistic.

Moon octile Uranus (0°32')
Intellectually rebellious, roving, curious, inquiring. Not wholly comfortable with outside guidance. Original, futuristic, needing variety. Free-spirited: psychologically lives outside convention. Subject to tensions, emotional stress.

MARS in AQUARIUS
Powerful pragmatic mind is progressive, non-dogmatic. Analytical, innovative, resourceful. Visionaries (yet pragmatic first). Bold individual. Avoids automatic herd compliance. Honest, unpretentious. Follows own instincts, not advice. Gregarious, loves life, vested in friendship, helpful to friends (helper in general). Understands people. Sexually uninhibited.

Mars opposite Jupiter (3°50')
Exalts strength, competition, and conquest with a zest for living. Common for successful competitive athletes; in most others, it shows vitality and enthusiasm for bringing an ever-improving “personal best.” Confidence in their own strength adds impermanence to any defeats. Morally if not physically courageous. Enterprising, resourceful. Sexually ardent, lusty, eager, popular, on the hunt. “Money to burn” (generous or extravagant; rarely holds onto cash for long; seems confident in the stream of resources). Aggressive in their beliefs, evangelical in their lives (irrepressible enthusiasts, missionaries, barnstormers of doctrine or other interests).

Mars octile Uranus (0°35')
Uncompromisingly individualist. Bold, distinctive characters. Brutally honest, takes risks, challenges accepted ideas (actions may challenge the world to try to stop them). Always into something new, often offbeat. Resourceful (quick astute assessment of situations), shows initiative. Sexually uninhibited, enthusiastic. Trusts own instincts more than outside advice.

MERCURY in PISCES
Subjective mind: Reason and illogic are at war. Attracted to the unfamiliar and vague, to mysterious, irrational things. Unusual sensitivity (psychic); highly responsive to impressions. “Soaks up” learning. Imagination, artistic sense. Enthusiasm: dives into the fray, power of persuasion. Inattentive, careless, misjudging. Skeptical, scrutinizing, distrustful.

VENUS in AQUARIUS
Realists in relationships: take others as they find them. Cool, aloof; often disinterested, dismissive. Will not surrender autonomy or “get lost in someone.” Pragmatic in relationships; okay with (desires?) many variations. Many identify with purposeful community (often idealistic). Private about their personal lives. Not prone to marry.

Venus sextile Neptune (2°06')
Idealistic, idyllic, loves to be enchanted. Usually comfortably happy, gently romantic, passive. Naive about people in romance but reads people easily when not personally involved. Good-hearted, ingratiating, devoted, humanitarian.

Venus trine Pluto (1°40')
Gentle, kindly soul, emotionally intense. Instinctively rejects others’ conventions on love, sex, art. Wants penetrating, intimate, pure connections. May withdraw from people if repeatedly rebuked; or sexual development may come late.

Liam_Donovan330 wrote: Tue Nov 24, 2020 9:24 am I have been having a tough couple of years and am looking for some hope that things will get better. I had a beautiful spiritual experience in 2017 which has since overwhelmed me. I feel such disappointment and disconnection. Looking for guidance or direction. Thank you.

I'll split this into two main themes: Addressing current and recent primary astrological factors (transits, progressions, directions, solar returns), and then returning to the specific points you mentioned above.

Of the major period analysis methods, only solar arc directions seem to have anything to say about right now.

TRANSITS: You are not presently (or in the last two years) under any important transits at all. Yes, there have been a few outer planet passes, but they aren't currently active nor enduring the whole two years. Just about two years ago, transiting Pluto conjoined your natal Uranus-Neptune (lasting on-and-off for two years at that time), and Saturn crossed your IC (usually marking a turning point in life when one starts the "march" toward what one's life will be about for the next 14 to 21 years). These could well have been (and probably were) a "blow-away" internal and external shift - but they are now far in the rear-view mirror, not immediately affecting your present. -- Transiting Neptune is approaching your Venus (and will be there for the next year or two), but it's not a very strong active factor yet; i.e., it also is not a significant factor in your present.

SOLAR RETURNS: Your solar returns since 2018 do not seem to be behind this. The year beginning with your 2019 birthday reinforced any sense of confusion. Your current year, since your birthday, has a bit of this but is mostly marked by Venus (love, pleasure, beauty). You are passing through several years when your own Jupiter and/or Venus is strong every year; these tend to be quite comfortable years. In any case, I don't think these have much to say about what you raised above.

PROGRESSIONS & DIRECTIONS: You have no important active secondary progressions at the moment. (You do have a Moon-Venus progression in a month and a half that should mark several weeks of pleasure and comfort.) We strike a small vein of gold with solar arc directions, though. (These last for two years, but tend to be strongest and most obvious right at the middle of that period when the aspect is most exact.) While your current solar arcs could be broadly emotional in their effect, they look to me to specifically be addressing relationship issues. They are three: (1) Venus squares your Uranus-Neptune. Venus-Uranus was exact over a year ago, but Venus-Neptune was quite recent. This (especially in a Pisces) tends to show surrealistic and dramatic movement in love and esthetics, often great surging-wave changes between deep romantic enchantment and head-hanging disenchantment. (2) Pluto squares your Venus about right now. This means dramatic shifts ("no looking back") in relationships, decisive starts or stops, etc. (I often call it "divorce, or elopement, or maybe both"). (3) More general, Uranus-Neptune have been aspecting your Saturn. Neptune to Saturn undercuts certainty, security, and motivation (and can lead to depression and flattened-out states of mind) - it was exact about a year ago and has recently left. Uranus is atop your Saturn this month and (without getting two detailed) seems to be "aftershocks" of whatever was going on in those certainty - security - motivation areas.

These seem to be the main influences. Do they describe the last couple of years and the present? All of those still in force (Uranus to Saturn, Pluto to Venus, Venus to Neptune) will be expired in about a year, but will be particularly acute right about now.

Liam_Donovan330 wrote: Tue Nov 24, 2020 9:24 am I have been having a tough couple of years and am looking for some hope that things will get better. I had a beautiful spiritual experience in 2017 which has since overwhelmed me. I feel such disappointment and disconnection. Looking for guidance or direction. Thank you.

The astrology aside, I want to return to the beautiful experience you had three years ago. (That's a lot in your chart in 2017 that fits this btw, including Pluto to your Uranus-Neptune and a progressed Sun-Jupiter trine.)

You say the experience was profoundly beautiful and overwhelming and, in the aftermath, you feel deep disappointment and disconnection. The most important thing I can tell you is that this is not unusual. Coming down from profound connection and revelation can leave the immediate landscape seem bleak, gray and sorrowful for a time. (Emphasis on: "for a time.")

That's aside from the widespread bleakness of 2020 in general (with New Jersey having been hit pretty hard). The world is under an exact Saturn-Pluto conjunction all year, which is rather post-apocalyptic and dystopian. You're probably familiar with mystical literature in which, interwoven with beautifies and glories, are tragic landscapes: They remind us that this is not unusual.

When your brain receives input that feels more real than the whole sum of everything that you've perceived until then, it has to integrate the "two realities." This may take time. (One virtue of disciplined spiritual practices over time is that they gradually fortify the psyche for this type of experience so that the integration doesn't take as long - the disintegration of the old reality is already underway.) I don't have a single recommendation on how to do this, but I think it will help that you know that what you are experiencing is as normal as exhaustion would be following a marathon; and that you make it your target to integrate the impact of that experience with the rest of your life. It should unlock you for your future, not stick you in that one event from three years ago.

Speaking of your future... You're approaching your Saturn Return over the next two years. This is a practical and spiritual maturing, a time of psychological integration. Its purpose is to show you that you have outgrown the way your mind put the world together when you were 21. The world, based on your current models of it, probably feels restrictive, outdated, even oppressive. The last couple of years before 30 usually give what we need to shed an old skin and recompose a picture of the world expansive enough for our next stage.

First thank you.

I'm thinking about the astrology progressions and directions, specifically that there are a few of them about relationships.

When I had that beautiful experience in 2017, I had my holy guardian angel appear to me through a girl I worked with. I barely spoke with her, but I had all these revelations and intuitions given to me through her voice. I thought we would be in a relationship with each other for sure, but time went on and absolutely nothing worked out.

I still can hear her voice through my intuition but the guidance I get is not about the present anymore. My family moved and I moved with them, so now I live away from her. She quit the job in 2018 anyway so I haven't had any contact with her.

I've still been holding out hope for her these past 2 years because it did feel more like reality than everyday, normal reality. I still didn't understand why we couldn't be together. It was like our communication was blocked.

Honestly now I feel a bit like a QAnon believer. Like I believed this whole thing that turned out to have nothing to do with reality. Maybe that has to do with my Neptune/Uranus/Pisces character.

I met this other girl online now, within the past month, and we are apparently going on a date. I haven't been on a date in like a decade.

With respect to security I'm getting used to and just accepting that I have to live with my parents for the time being. Before I really wanted to move out but just couldn't manage it.

It has felt like a marathon and sometimes it feels like the treadmill is still on. I've been totally burnt out the whole last year.

I am curious if my chart indicates any possible career path?

When I was a teenager I wanted to be a writer, like a Hunter S. Thompson or a William S. Burroughs. I wanted to have cool experiences and write about them. This sounds a bit like the Neptune-Uranus conjunction, which I have been researching. The weirdness.

I worked as a writer for an ecommerce company and for a newspaper but I have basically stopped writing in these past few years. Writing as a job is a lot different from being a beatnik and writing art.

The other career path I have been pursuing the past four years is in web development. I've been trying to find a way to make more money, and my brother has made a good living programming. I've had a few jobs freelance and have made some cool-looking projects but have not managed to land a job doing it yet. Landing a real job is something I seem to have real trouble with.

Is there anything on there that might indicate some sort of purpose for my life?

What are your interests / requirements / wishes / qualifications in this regard? (That will help narrow from a huge range of possibilities.)

First impression is that it needs to be something where you have some independence, ability to think and take initiative for yourself, probably something creative, probably something in which you can be "your own man" or migrate to some position of leadership. And, generally, something a little unorthodox or weird-seeming to other people.

My interests, as in the things that concern me the most, are reading and spirituality. Those are the two things running through my head most of the day.

I read 200+ pages a day. I'm trying to get through all of the world's literature.

I've been meditating for almost a decade now and am interested in spirituality. I like the world's religious texts.

I think I have strong verbal-linguistic intelligence and intrapersonal intelligence.

I'm not like, immediately inclined to it, like a Google employee, but I am interested in computers. I like having some sort of knowledge and technical skill. I like computer art.

With respect to requirements, I don't really have any. To be honest I've been acting in scarcity mode so long for jobs that it's hard to even comprehend having requirements. I always seem to end up in the worst possible job and hate myself for it.

My wishes are that I’m not totally isolated and I get to talk and be around people. I don’t want to have a totally extroverted position either though, I’m much more of an introvert in general. I do like leadership positions if I feel comfortable in the job.

My qualifications are I have a bachelor’s degree in communication studies and a certificate in web design. I recently put together a portfolio with some of my work: https://murmuring-everglades-94903.herokuapp.com/.

I also read a ton, I have a fair amount of book knowledge about business and psychology. I reinvest a lot of the money I earn into books and courses about bettering myself.

It just feels like regardless of what I do I fail. I don't feel like I've grown at all in the past year. It's so frustrating. I hope my Saturn Return fixes this.