Solunars by Aldebaran Sidereal Academy

Name on forum: LeiLei
Birth date: 10/07/1978
Birth time: 3:35 pm
Birth place: Decatur, Georgia
Source: Birth Certificate
Current residence: Morgantown, WV

Hi again all. I'm in need of some advice.

I'm an oil painter. I've been painting for just over a decade & have created over 100 pieces (only about 70 entirely complete). Some months ago, I was walking around my gallery - my 750 sq ft apartment - thinking about how I was running out of room for new pieces and that soon I was going to have to move all of these paintings (plus about 50 plants!) possibly hundreds of miles away. It was basically a "what am I doing?!" moment, with an idea that sprang forth that I would really love see come to fruition.

I'm not a known artist, I'm terrible at social media, at self-promotion (I'm embarrassed even to write this post), and up until this point I've been very disinterested in the pursuit of money in exchange for my art. But as wonderful as it is having my creations around me, I have about 50 blank canvases waiting in the wings with no place to put them. And the questions keep popping up, what am I doing this for if only my immediate circle get to see my work; isn't art meant to be shared? Am I really going to become a painting hoarder? And also, am I resigning myself to working jobs I don't really want to work just in order to avoid marketing my work, aka me?

So I had an idea, why not host an exhibit of my collection in my apartment? Sure it's small but it's colorful & bright, a happy & lovely place to be - probably typical of my Venus placement. I know anyone who attended would be happy they came. My problem is the paralyzing terror that no one will. I used to have recurring nightmares in my early twenties of being terrified & frozen in place, unable to speak. In a sense I've experienced those nightmares emerging in my waking life, especially throughout these last 10 years. A feeling of being hidden, that I'm unwelcome & I cannot move or speak. I'm sure life events led me to this feeling, that it's partly or even all of my doing but it also feels that there is a force against me. Another mountain I must climb for the sweet joy that will follow when triumphant. Yet another impediment years later I will look back on & be grateful for experiencing. Ugh but it super sucks when you're in it. Luckily I'm starting to get super sick of it and at least in terms of my art, I am ready to be seen. I feel like the cowardly lion - I just need some courage! *I should note that my work has been in two local(ish) exhibits and in one of those exhibits, one of my pieces won 2nd place. But it was a short step into the spotlight & the "show" so to speak was being run by someone other than me. I quickly stepped back into the shadows and didn't post new work, even on my website that I pay for, for 2 & 1/2 years. I approached those exhibits as challenges to myself. I see my exhibit as my debut.

My exhibit is planned for April 25th, 1 to 7pm EST. According to my transits, I have Saturn Sq Mars, just separating. I've read the description here for that transit & it seems fitting in relation to my life & how I operate. My exhibit was originally planned for the fall, then the winter but my fear along with bad timing & world events have brought me to this April date. I plan to put out announcements this Thursday through Saturday. I feel both really behind, easily distracted & wanting to do too many things at once but then good about the progress I am making, taking pictures of my work (my least favorite thing to do) & updating my website. I have moments where it seems impossible & I feel foolish thinking I could ever pull this off & then I have other moments where I can see it all unfolding, going wonderfully & I feel silly for worrying so much. It's only art after all! Geesh!

I'm sorry for being so long winded. I guess I had more issues to unpack than I thought. So my questions - according to my transits, is 04/25/2021 a good day to exhibit? Despite all the delays am I better off waiting a bit longer? I plan to move at the end of May so the last day I'd feel comfortable having it is 05/09. For some reason I'm set on it being a Sunday but that may be silly. And probably more importantly, what barriers are present in my natal chart or maybe in my transits from 10 years ago that reveal this "hidden & frozen" feeling? My dad died 11/21/2010 around 11:15am. It was unexpected & my life & that of my family changed dramatically that day. Transit Saturn was conjunct my natal Sun within a degree & applying when he died. His death set in motion many life changing events - more separation, more loss but more importantly healing & growth. It has been the most painful & the most satisfying period of my life. I've already gone on & on but I think I should include that my relationship with my parents was a rocky one. My father had a terrible temper & my mother, a master manipulator, hid behind it while weaving the most intricate web of lies & deceit. It's all good though, I've learned so much & I am incredibly grateful for my experiences. But there was a lot of conditioning I had to work through once the veils came down. I feel this is the last hurdle from this period of my life.

I think this all comes down to my voice - projecting it out to the world to look at me, that I'm worth seeing. I think I don't trust that I have the ability to attract people to myself & my work. I lost my spark along the way & I would like it back. I just need more fire & of course, courage. Will my upcoming Uranus transits potentially spark something? Maybe something sooner? I'm sorry to unload all of this on you guys, I don't have anyone older & wiser to talk to, it's actually a big step I'm even posting this. I've already debated deleting it about a dozen times!

I could approach this a couple of ways... one is to do an exhaustive look that would take me pieces of several days and probably end up not answering you... the other is to shoot from the hip on the most salient points. I'll go for the second one.

I hear your restlessness which is fueling a need to break out. It seems a setup for things in the months (or year or two ahead). You describe yourself very much in terms of your Virgo Sun-Pluto conjunction, but it might be time to break out.

The day you picked has transiting Sun exactly square your Jupiter. It's a good day! Saturn squares your Mars as a longer-term matter, but I suggest you not wait until things are perfect and just see what happens. "Go for it" is usually the better advice.

Meanwhile... do you have a friend with a video camera (who knows how to use it well)? I suggest you have someone film the event. I also think you might really take a big leap and decide to mount a YouTube channel immediately after the event in which you vulnerably and enthusiastically talk about the work you have for sale.

Have you heard of the a painting a day thing? https://www.dailypaintworks.com/ I mentioned this to Arena a while ago. There are several sites set up for it. There's a whole group of painters who are into this movement? Whatever it is. They post the paintings on these sites, and often hold ebay auctions that link to the sites. Some are quite successful. Maybe worth a look if you decide to sell more than just what is chosen in April?

Edited to add:
And no, I don't think you're crazy.

Thanks Jim! I thought it looked like a good day and I will go for it!

I do not have a friend who is proficient with a camera but I might be able to get someone to film a little. I could also hire someone. I've also thought about hiring someone to do my marketing for me but on a commission basis. The idea of being in front of a camera has me shrinking like a violet over here. I think I would become someone entirely inauthentic if I did that. Glaringly so. I could be totally wrong & simply afraid. In person, I'm not afraid at all. If I'm able to just get people here I know my work will speak for itself and I will be bright & charming. I can make people feel at home pretty easily and I'm convincing as well but I need them to want to be here before I'm able to do that. If that makes any sense. I'm also great at selling what I'm passionate about, if it's someone else's work that is!

Lol thanks Jupiter! I have heard about that site. I've also considered Art Finder, I have an instagram artist friend who's done well there. They take something around 35-40% of the sale though. Still something to consider for the future though. I really like the idea of selling my work more locally. Art is so much better viewed in person than through photographs. I am also much more comfortable with talking to people face to face about my work. Something about trying to make contacts with people over the internet causes me to freeze right up. It's really ridiculous. But it is what it is.

I had completely stopped focusing on my Sun-Pluto conjunction because of them being in the background. Silly me. But looking into it more it makes complete sense. I wonder how Eris factors in? Life became pretty chaotic when I hit about 10 to 11 years old. Crazy fights with my parents - screaming, slamming & breaking things, some violence, terrible things said. I just wanted to get away from them & would often escape to the woods behind our property. I always had the image in my head of everything spinning out of control around me while I stood still. If I could have just been who they wanted me to be it would have all stopped. I'm only realizing in this very second how much control I had over it all. Hmm, I wonder if that's Eris in me in combination with the Sun & Pluto. Really interesting! Thank you Jim for opening my eyes to this. At this point I feel something brewing, like I'm ready to take on my part of the world. We'll see how it goes!

I'm very grateful for everything I'm learning & I appreciate this forum so much! Thank you all!

I rarely drink but I've had a couple this evening so I'm using that liquid courage to update this post. I did indeed have my show & not a single stranger showed. Only a handful of people, those that supported me in hosting the event, were present. For a few days after I was really embarrassed, that I didn't have enough charisma to attract people to attend & that I wasted my family & friends time. But I did put myself out there & that means something, especially considering my reclusive tendencies. And if given the choice I would certainly try again. Another benefit was my apartment looked like a colorful art gallery which I was able to enjoy for nearly a year before packing it all up. I don't know why things went the way they went. I received mild but favorable attention online about the event but then no one came. I wonder if Solar Arc Neptune conjunct my ASC has something to do with it. For my birth place it is now slowly (very slowly) leaving orb but for Morgantown, where I live, it is still approaching. If a possible manifestation of that transit is ego dissolution then job done!

We've all had no-show (or slim-show) events. I doubt you wasted family and friends' time because it's usually a gift to be able to support someone we love.

It's a step along the way. You said you had limited and positive response. That sounds like a win.

When/where was it?

Wow it was almost a year ago, April 25 in Morgantown WV. It was a lovely day actually. The embarrassment didn't set in until I woke up the next day. And everyone was very supportive & acted like I had nothing to be embarrassed about. It was just my own insecurities I had to to deal with. And still am!

You held an art show in your own home during a pandemic when the public was warned against going out and socializing.
You got some thing besides charisma!
(which I feel you have in spades btw).

I would say you won,
You got practice showing off your work in a safe way.
Sharing your art opens you to critics and uncreative sorts who tear up things. I'm glad that didnt happen to you and that you are still creating.

I'm sure your next showing will have much different results.

Veronica wrote: Sat Apr 09, 2022 4:42 am You held an art show in your own home during a pandemic when the public was warned against going out and socializing.
You got some thing besides charisma!
(which I feel you have in spades btw).

I would say you won,
You got practice showing off your work in a safe way.
Sharing your art opens you to critics and uncreative sorts who tear up things. I'm glad that didnt happen to you and that you are still creating.

I'm sure your next showing will have much different results.

Yeah I've always had a certain audacity about me in some matters while being a shrinking violet in others. I hadn't thought about that way but I think you're probably right. I've always felt art should be created for the joy of it anyways but then it should also be shared with others. While I've had a few pieces in shows & some in a gallery it was my first attempt to share the totality of my collection (including works in progress & my earliest works) in a completely open way. But yeah I really messed up the timing, didn't I? Well until the next one then!

LeiLei wrote: Fri Apr 08, 2022 7:24 pm Wow it was almost a year ago, April 25 in Morgantown WV. It was a lovely day actually. The embarrassment didn't set in until I woke up the next day. And everyone was very supportive & acted like I had nothing to be embarrassed about. It was just my own insecurities I had to to deal with. And still am!

By simple transits, Saturn was square your Mars almost to the day and within a degree of your EP (in right ascension). This suggests a great struggle going on in you. I'm not sure whether it was more a great showing of strength (since it takes much strength to engage in this sort of struggle) or some external suppression - perhaps an interaction of the two. In any case, that week in particular (and a longer period centered then) probably would have felt very uncomfortable (perhaps burdensome, perhaps having to fight too hard) to you.

Yes, timing wasn't exactly on your side. It wasn't necessarily the worst time for the show (putting on shows take work!), but it might have been the worst time for you to feel good about it at the time. Though the beautiful Mercury-Venus conjunction that day likely left a lovely tone in the air that others felt, their tie-in to Saturn and your Mars suggests aggravations for you.

Your April 2 SLR shows sensitivity, confusion, maybe overwhelm: An early occurrence of transiting Neptune's square to your Moon, with Neptune 1°+ from Dsc and your Moon 3° from IC (the two were square). A main feature of this transit is that it makes you acutely sensitive, feeling everything powerfully (maybe even pounded by impressions), and (being absent benefics) leaning more toward anxiety or embarrassment than exultation. Transiting Mercury and Mars were also foreground, tied into the Moon-Neptune, with a Mars-Neptune square particularly obvious. Again, I think the main description is about how you felt: It would be hard to feel good under a chart like this.

The intervening demi-lunar April 17 was much better! It's best feature was natal Jupiter 0°24' from Descendant. Several transiting planets were foreground (Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Pluto), with Saturn closest (3°34' from Asc). What I find really interesting is that the only foreground aspect is a Saturn-Uranus square: While this carries some tension and ambivalence of feeling, it's also an aspect of breaking out and shaking old patterns: Perhaps exactly the aspect you needed for an audacious "coming out" event.

All this astrological tedium just means that, yes, it wasn't great timing - except, you overcame something in yourself and went big on it and pulled it off! The charts don't show you especially enjoying that for various reasons - and I think we've all given parties where everybody had a better time than we did at our own party. It sounds like you mobilized your friends and family - and they came out for you.

That sounds like a pretty good outcome. When's the next show?

BTW, while there doesn't seem to be room for much doubt on your 3:35 PM birth time, we can check the tone for that day from your quotidians.

Your SNQ (natal Secondary Progressions) show an important progressed Moon aspect coming right to the angles. Using noon as a general time for the center of the day:

23°39' Vir - p Pluto
23°40' Gem - SNQ MC
23°57' Gem - p Moon

The Moon-Pluto progression alone shows a pivotal time, a kind of break-out or break-away (often shows wanting to flee a place or circumstances). I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have guessed this would be the day of your show since - for the day itself - it seems to me too sensitive, feeling vulnerable, wanting to escape off by yourself. Not sure if you felt that way, but that's how I read the SNQ for the day.

Your SQ (progressions of the solar return) has another progressed Moon aspect which, again, I would take as showing especially sensitivity and hyper-responsiveness to the feeling tone: SQ Moon 28°37' Taurus was a few minutes from opposite natal Moon. Nothing came to the angles that day.

Your PSSR (another quotidian of the SSR) shows something new, sparkly, and really engaging: PSSR MC conjoined SSR Uranus (the exact Mercury-Uranus opposition in your SSR came to the angle, in fact).

Here is my unsolicited opinion of that day and the next: The one thing that shows up in chart after chart is acute sensitivity, absorption of the emotional tone of those around you. The very fact that you were feeling fine (or better) during the event tells me that the room was having a great time. You created a positive event with positive emotions and reactions (which you felt and mirrored). The next day, though, besides the usual after-event drop-off of dopamine, you woke up without their feelings around you and you felt only your own negative feelings.

You put on a great event that people enjoyed: You just forgot to look out for yourself at your own party.

LeiLei, I have nothing to add to Jim's astrological analysis, but I would say this:

You are a human being that has strengths and weaknesses, experiences triumphs and tragedies, chooses truth not lies, peace not conflict, love not hate. Your greatest failing is sometimes not giving enough of that great love to yourself. If that constitutes being crazy, I have no desire at all to be sane.

Jim Eshelman wrote: Sat Apr 09, 2022 9:33 am By simple transits, Saturn was square your Mars almost to the day and within a degree of your EP (in right ascension). This suggests a great struggle going on in you. I'm not sure whether it was more a great showing of strength (since it takes much strength to engage in this sort of struggle) or some external suppression - perhaps an interaction of the two. In any case, that week in particular (and a longer period centered then) probably would have felt very uncomfortable (perhaps burdensome, perhaps having to fight too hard) to you.

Yes, timing wasn't exactly on your side. It wasn't necessarily the worst time for the show (putting on shows take work!), but it might have been the worst time for you to feel good about it at the time. Though the beautiful Mercury-Venus conjunction that day likely left a lovely tone in the air that others felt, their tie-in to Saturn and your Mars suggests aggravations for you.

Your April 2 SLR shows sensitivity, confusion, maybe overwhelm: An early occurrence of transiting Neptune's square to your Moon, with Neptune 1°+ from Dsc and your Moon 3° from IC (the two were square). A main feature of this transit is that it makes you acutely sensitive, feeling everything powerfully (maybe even pounded by impressions), and (being absent benefics) leaning more toward anxiety or embarrassment than exultation. Transiting Mercury and Mars were also foreground, tied into the Moon-Neptune, with a Mars-Neptune square particularly obvious. Again, I think the main description is about how you felt: It would be hard to feel good under a chart like this.

The intervening demi-lunar April 17 was much better! It's best feature was natal Jupiter 0°24' from Descendant. Several transiting planets were foreground (Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Pluto), with Saturn closest (3°34' from Asc). What I find really interesting is that the only foreground aspect is a Saturn-Uranus square: While this carries some tension and ambivalence of feeling, it's also an aspect of breaking out and shaking old patterns: Perhaps exactly the aspect you needed for an audacious "coming out" event.

All this astrological tedium just means that, yes, it wasn't great timing - except, you overcame something in yourself and went big on it and pulled it off! The charts don't show you especially enjoying that for various reasons - and I think we've all given parties where everybody had a better time than we did at our own party. It sounds like you mobilized your friends and family - and they came out for you.

That sounds like a pretty good outcome. When's the next show?

I think the main struggle was attempting to put myself in the spotlight. I'm pretty good at shining a light on others but being in the spotlight myself feels very unnatural.

I certainly felt overly sensitive & vulnerable. My 2020 SSR featured two Moon-Neptune aspects as well, one was partile. I also had a wider Moon to Moon aspect for the year.

I do remember an uplift around the time of my demi-lunar. I really enjoyed hanging my pieces & configuring them in a way that was artistic itself. I was so pleased with the result they all stayed up until I moved.

I'm not sure when my next show will be. My life is in a state of limbo currently & all of my work is wrapped in craft paper (soon to be explained in my SSR update!).

Jim Eshelman wrote: Sat Apr 09, 2022 9:57 am The Moon-Pluto progression alone shows a pivotal time, a kind of break-out or break-away (often shows wanting to flee a place or circumstances). I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have guessed this would be the day of your show since - for the day itself - it seems to me too sensitive, feeling vulnerable, wanting to escape off by yourself. Not sure if you felt that way, but that's how I read the SNQ for the day.

I distinctly remember wanting to escape. If it hadn't been for my friends & family I probably would have! I was also very conscious of my appearance. As disappointed as I was that no one showed, I was relieved when it was over & we all went to dinner. More disappointment & embarrassment would follow for a few days but at least the pressure was finally off!

Thank you very much Jim for such a thorough analysis!

mikestar13 wrote: Sat Apr 09, 2022 10:53 am LeiLei, I have nothing to add to Jim's astrological analysis, but I would say this:

You are a human being that has strengths and weaknesses, experiences triumphs and tragedies, chooses truth not lies, peace not conflict, love not hate. Your greatest failing is sometimes not giving enough of that great love to yourself. If that constitutes being crazy, I have no desire at all to be sane.

Thank you, Mike! You are very kind!