Last Post?

[mikestar13]

Sometime today I will be visiting the emergency room for the third time in as many weeks. In addition to my various issues related to my stroke, I have Olgilvie's Syndrome, a rare intestinal disorder where my colon, though not actually obstructed, acts as if it were. The severity has really been ramping up since March when I became bed bound. This attack is the worst I've had, and I fear I may not be coming back. Severe Olgilvie's can lead to bowel perforation, peritonitis, septicemia, and death. I don't fear the reaper but I do fear the pain. In the next couple of days, I think it likely that I will be one with the stars, or at least confined to a nursing home with no access to wifi. Truthfully, I fear the latter more than the former.

But I am at peace with whatever happens, and my purpose in posting is not to be morbid, but to convey my love for all of you. This board has been a joy to me since I first discovered it. I has been a pleasure discussing and debating with all of you. Special thanks to Jim E. for this board. Jim, is there anything you would like me to ask Fagan and Bradley?

I hope that I am wrong and I will be posting again in a few days, but I don't want to slip away with no explanation.

[Jim Eshelman]

Mike,

We've talked about your health before, and I know you're going into this with your eyes open. I'll keep as much good energy flowing your way as I can, and I frankly hope you're wrong in your assessment (though I know that you might be right).

Few people get to approach death with their eyes wide open and surrounded by people who love them. This much of it is a blessing I hope (and suspect) you can appreciate.

So, the big question: Is there anything we can do for you?

(I'll look at your chart shortly if I get the chance - I'm at work, and turning to a long session with Solar Fire may not work out, but I'll do it if I can.)

[Jim Eshelman]

Transits
Neptune is semi-square your Moon. This can show weakening and dependency, but especially brings emotional vulnerability - feeling things more strongly, being in "high impact" mode on most things. Extreme emotional states become more common. - This, obviously, fits the conditions regardless of which "events" happen in the next few days, but its worth mentioning for state of mind purposes. Understand you are perceiving everything through a magnifying lens.

Uranus semi-squares your Mars. One of its main themes is a "let me out of here!" need for space and freedom. Not a good time to be confined. I'm sure it has also pushed a lot of the physical trauma you described.

Saturn now squares your Jupiter. I'm not sure what this has to do with the current situation (unless you are suddenly busy "taking care of business," "getting your affairs in order" just in case. You know the usual themes of this aspect, of course.

Mars opposes your Venus today. Aside from the meanings we most often think of first, I keep noticing the malefic attention along the Virgo-Pisces access, which refers to the body parts you say are involved and shows inflammation or even some cutting. A bit of advice: Not a good day to be disagreeable with those who love you

Progressions
The worst thing showing is progressed Moon conjunct progressed Mars. (But to put it I perspective, I currently nave three Moon-Mars progressions and one Moon-Saturn progression within a degree, so don't freak about one measly Moon-Mars progression <vbg>.)

This likely shows inflammation, pain, bleeding - that sort of thing, including the possibility of cutting. If your current assessment of your condition is wrong, this aspect will pass within two months. (It's currently applying by about half a degree.) It's a bit more severe because there is also a Sun-Saturn opposition, half a degree applying (this will be around another year and a half). All of this is consistent with physical hardship and health strains, which you already know about

Solunars
Your SSR is emotionally hard but not physically hard. Venus matters are most in the forefront, and are likely to suffer the most this year.

Of greatest concern is your new Lunar Return, which occurred Thursday. It's severe. I'm glad you're going to be in a hospital under immediate care. Pluto is < 2° from Descendant, Mars is < 3° from IC. They aren't in close mundane aspect, but they're a team. This is consistent with a health crisis and, perhaps, with crossing a significant threshold in your life. - The Moon aspects are benefic, though not with surprises and twists and turns. Your Sun-Venus is at MC, too, from which I expect tenderness and peace with whatever events unfold.

Something difficult you've mostly come through already: SQ Moon is separating from opposition to SSR Saturn. It only has 14' (a week) to go to pull out the other side. The PSSR Moon will have made the opposition a while back, too, so consider that you are nearly through a bad stretch of that depleting, emotionally hard aspect. (PSSR Moon is at approximately 5°43' Gemini today, so you had the Moon-Saturn in that system a month either side of September 7.)

[Jim Eshelman]

Transits
Sue hs Neptnune crossing her Descendant. It's not partile at the moment (not quite), but about to cross into that. The most specific thing I can say is that she, too, has been (and, especially, will be) feeling things strongly and have some powerful waves of emotion over the next year or so and, just maybe, it is especially centered around her mate.

Mars semisquares her Sun-Moon about today. It's a rough day, she's agitated and vulnerable, easy to anger. It's probably the kind of day when she won't bother to do the things she needs to do for herself and will push past smart limits, so might need a reminder to (say) eat. - Mercury conjoins her Mercury, which adds to the busy-ness, but probably mostly too much paperwork (or something like that).

Sun will conjoin her Neptune Wednesday and square her Saturn Thursday. These will be her worst days this week.

Progressions
Today is the exact day she has a progressed Moon-Neptune conjunction. Exactly today. She is hyper-sensitive, feeling things powerfully, and will have a harder time holding it together emotionally. Progressed Moon is also square her Saturn (though that recently peaked, and is moving away). She's had similar Moon-Saturn-Neptune periods every seven years for her whole life (which is not to discount that this is an emotionally really rough time for her).

She recently entered a Venus-Saturn progressed conjunction, that will last a couple of years. I can't read specific outcomes, because this c an go either of two ways, but they both suggest that she has to go through the emotional process of "losing you" one way or the other. One possible outcome is bereavement; but this is also a common aspect for the extreme devotion of caretaking someone you love powerfully. (Progressed Venus is currently moving 1°13'/year, so the aspect will peak in eight months - next summer - and then fade about ten months after that. Progressed Moon will square the pair in three months.)

Solunar Returns
As you know, she has a birthday coming up. Her current Solar Return, almost over, has Jupiter-Uranus across the horizon and a rouogh Moon-Saturn opposition (background but potent). Overall, though, it's not a bad chart.

Her upcoming SSR is more severe. Not horrible, but severe. A lot of changes like the current year (Moon-Uranus opposition square Ascendant), but without the Jupiter lift. Mars is exactly on IC, Pluto is broadly foreground square the Mars closely - stressful, arduous. Oh, her Jupiter is at MC.

Her worst upcoming Lunar Returns are the SLR December 15, boosted by the December 28 Demi.

[Jim Eshelman]

So... Mike, I hope it wasn't presumptuous of me to jump in and do that, and I hope it (at the very least) engages your mind and, perhaps, gives you something useful for the ordeal right ahead of you.

[mikestar13]

Thank you, Jim. I really need all the positive energy I can get and gladly accept that from everyone and every faith tradition. My wife's Christian friends are praying hard for me, as is Sue herself. As am I, though my Christian "orthodoxy" would not be entirely acceptable to many of her friends. I have know that the God of the Bible and the God of the Stars are one and the same Divine Essence seen through different human perspectives--as are all God concepts, which I regard as blasphemous if you take them too seriously--even the most sublime concept is but a pale shadow of Ultimate Reality.

Mars seems on point, as one of the common treatments for severe Ogilvie's is surgical decompression of the colon. Again, hoping for the best, preparing for the worst. There is nothing beyond positive energy that can help me now. But if the worst happens, I would love for as many of you who can to reach out to Sue and my son Josh about anything they need. They will be checking my email address.

[Jim Eshelman]

You got it.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Mike, that sucks no matter which way it goes, and I'm sorry.
You and Sue and Josh will be in my thoughts.

[Arena]

Sorry to hear about your suffering Mike. Crossing my fingers for you and your family, hoping for the best possible outcome.

[mikestar13]

Status update: at 11:30 AM PST today (in Redlands, CA) I had a spontaneous bowel movement (a rarity during a severe Ogilvie's event). Not much matter but lots of trapped air/gas, releasing an enormous amount of pressure. My doctors are cautiously optimistic, and the ER trip is on hold until we see how this unfolds. My pain level had been an "where the hell is the morphine" 8 on a scale of 10 and dropped to a "I wish I weren't feeling this, but meh" 3 almost instantly. My abdomen is still quite distended so the story isn't over, but what a ray of hope! Your good vibrations are powerful. This community is bound together by Sidereal Astrology, but extends well beyond it. Many thanks. Well, part of me was ready to discuss astrology with Cyril and Donald (and to see my son David again). Ad astra (to the stars). But not today.

[Jim Eshelman]

Now THAT is the way to use Mars-Pluto as "eruption or explosion."

[mikestar13]

Now THAT is the way to use Mars-Pluto as "eruption or explosion."

Amen, brother, amen.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

[SteveS]

Thinking/Hoping the best for you Mike. If you cross to the other side, give Fagan/Bradley my/our many thanks for their founding Sidereal work.

[FlorencedeZ.]

Dear Mike,
Wishing you lots of strength and courage.
Regards,
Flo

[Benji]

Sending sunshine to brighten your day Mike.

[Arena]

Good to hear that you are feeling better already

[Jim Eshelman]

Mike, I'm checking back to see how you're doing. I know Sue had a couple of days of very rough transits yesterday and today (Wednesday and Thursday); is all still going pretty well?

[James Condor]

If you are able, please read "No Birth, No Death", by Buddhist Thich Nhat Hahn.

[mikestar13]

Well, I'm back from nine days in the hospital. Mars was certainly a big influence, as I am minus a big chunk of my colon. Learning to live with a colostomy bag is going to be a trip, but it is so wonderful to have my remaining bowels working correctly without pain! The only pain I'm feeling now is about 2 out of 10 in the incision, rising to about 4 momentarily when I'm being moved in bed. This is easily manageable with Tylenol. This is the best I've felt this year--I can hope 2018 is going to be a much better year for me, and indeed I now believe I'm odds on see 2018. Well ad astra in the fullness of time, but not today, by God, not today. Special thanks to everyone for your prayers, your blessings, and your positive energy.

[Jim Eshelman]

Welcome back! Good to hear from you. I was wondering all day if I needed to email this weekend, not sure if I hoped your wife would answer.

You can life with the bag. My ex father in law did, as one of the leading classical scholars on the planet. It's one of those prices we pay to ward off Charon.

Welcome back.

[mikestar13]

Thanks, Jim! The doctors tell me that in the general case the bag does not affect life expectancy, and in my specific case should meaningfully improve it. When I went to the ER a week ago Wednesday, my bowel issues had driven my potassium level down to 2.0 (normal range is 3.6 to 5.0). The cardiologist said he was surprised I had only a mild arrhythmia and no chest pain--translating from doctor-speak, what he meant was "I'm astonished that you're not dead". With all my medical issues, I am thankful that my heart is apparently made of cast iron.

[Jim Eshelman]

Wednesday. I remember writing that Wednesday and Thursday would be Sue's roughest days. I hope she's doing OK, too.

[mikestar13]

Everything was done with my full and free informed consent. I chose Wednesday to go in (when I might well have gone earlier) because of the unmistakable impression that Wednesday was the right time. Redlands Community Hospital is an excellent facility, well staffed with doctors and nurses who are both highly skilled and compassionate. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of their ER, which is staffed by independent contractors who are highly variable in these qualities. If I had gotten the same staff as the previous ER visit, they would have superficially "cleaned me out" and sent me home to die, though not being aware they were doing that. My actual ER crew on Wednesday got me promptly admitted to the hospital proper, where my care could not be described as less than superb.

[SteveS]

Good to see your improvement Mike.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

That's great news! So glad to hear from you.

[FlorencedeZ.]

Great to hear from you Mike.

[mikestar13]

Sue and Josh are doing much better. While she is a bit concerned with the details of helping me tend my bag (I can't do it unassisted with only one working hand), she is confident the cleanup procedure will be far easier once we have the hang of it. We have both been thoroughly instructed at the hospital, and Home Health will be coming out to provide additional instruction as needed, as well as checking progress on the healing of my incision.

[TheScales_BothWays]

Mike, I'm so glad you're much better now! Your calm, peaceful view on death is very admirable – and who knows, perhaps that is one of the many reasons why the Lord let you stay...

[mikestar13]

Thanks, Scales. In twelve step recovery there is a saying "Acceptance is the answer to all my my problems." I try (not always successfully) to live by that, and will die by it in the fullness of time. But not today, thank God.