Veronica

[Veronica]

The August 6th conjunction of Transiting Saturn to my Venus is approaching.
I am actually kind of looking forward to it. It has been a very eye opening year so far for me, and I feel a lot of new growth from this aspect.
I have been investing a lot of my time in trying to work through the deeper implications of this event, as it is a theme of this years solar return, and to see it in the much wider scope of not only the patterns I have had through out my life, but the lives of many I know, and many that I dont know. Saturn is the Head Master after all and life is about learning and progressing and how one pattern builds upon the next. If you stop and think that millions of people around the world also have this hard aspect and that it really does shape a pattern that they hold onto for there life, a pattern built around fundamental issues of desire and autonomy, it kind of explains a lot of what you see going on in the drama filled world of courtship rituals and pair bonding.

My natal Venus is also Square my natal Uranus, so this also means that on that day, Transiting Saturn will be about 1 degree square of my natal Uranus.
I thank m y lucky stars for that Uranus connection, because with out that I really would sink low, but because of it I am able to circumvent many destructive thoughts as they arise that surround Saturn/Venus themes. its like a spoonful of sugar and allows me to seek out new ways to navigate the rough waters of all that heavy emotional relationship/disappointment stuff. In a way, this time has felt almost like a tug of war between the two outer planets (plus Pluto is right there along with Saturn on my SSR) over Venus. I dont think I really realized that until just recently how very lucky I am to have had Uranus there in a very real way holding Venus, and just letting things be as crazy as they need to be to keep above the cold water that Saturn dumps. I do think my Venus Uranus connection, though dynamic, is one of my more original and nice things about who i am as a person.


Mars on that day will be about 2 degrees Opposite my Node, which leads me to believe that this is a move towards effectually dealing with issues that have been in play my whole life. Also, (though I really have little understanding of the meaning behind this) Chiron will transit almost exactly trine to my Jupiter, which I infer is a friendly and pleasant aspect.



It had dawned on me a while back, as I did month to month Lunar returns for this year, that Saturn was moving retrograde, so that while in Feb. at my birthday when it was conjunct transiting Venus and Pluto, conjunct my natal Venus and an important midpoint......Saturn ebbed away slowly over the spring months only to turn back and come back at my Natal Venus, something that panged in my heart and really made me want to cry out that the universe was unfair to send such potentially hurtful events my way. Yet I know that to think of the universe as fair/unfair good/bad victim/perpetrator is just lazy instinctual thinking habits, because the reality of things is not black and white like that. So I had asked here about this motion of Saturn and just what was really going on behind this event......
I have kept these words close at heart,

Jim said.......
"Life is like that... like a tide that ebbs and flows on some matter of experience or instruction. (Or perhaps our readiness for it ebbs and flows.) In terms of learning the lesson of transit, i.e., incorporating something new into ourselves, there usually need to be times for subconsciousness to assimilate and process what we've already gotten so that we come back to the next phase a little different.

In a practical way, I think of the duration of these long-term aspects as lasting uninterruptedly from the time they first go into a 1° orb until the time they last leave it. That entire time is a single lesson, a single phrase of transmutation. We go into it without certain traits or experience so we first get a taste of it, and then we're different when the lesson presents itself anew. (Sometimes it is longer than "first partile to last partile" because, if it falls near the angles of a lunar return, the transit "counts" if it's within, say, 5°orb.)

In your case, Saturn first entered 1° orb of conjunct your Venus January 25 this year, and it leaves for the last time November 12 of this year. You fit it all into less than 11 months. Along the way, it is exact three times, on February 3, August 6, and October 30.

Ah, but that February 3 one is the tricky one, potentially: That's close to your birthday. For a moment I thought this meant it was partile in your Solar Return, but it isn't. However, your Solar Return does have its own 0°39' Venus-Saturn conjunction. You finish your personal transmutation in the mysteries of Saturn to your Venus my November 12, but you still have Venus-Saturn events and circumstances in your life until your next birthday. But you encounter those as someone who has been through the process of transforming her relationship to the energy.

So yes, you have work to do on yourself this year (which makes it exactly like every other year you can remember, right?). "
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This whole Venus Saturn thing is a big deal for me.

I'm not belittling its impact on others, who feel the the influence when Saturn moves across Venus. I'm sure that is has its own very special thing to bring into their life. Yet for me, its a little bit more, because I do have the natal placement of a Venus Saturn Aspect. I was born with that, and it has been an underlying major issue in my life. The sadness and disappointment I felt as a child, the inhibitions and restrictions and all the things that the stern Saturn lends onto the Venusian influence, is a heaviness that can really take its toll on your life in all of its aspects, coloring your judgement and behaviors and predisposing you to feel not good enough no matter how hard you try.

And that sucks.
{nasses} me off in a way.
Because I know how it feels, and it makes me angry to think that I was born to never feel truly happy or adequate. Anger is a form of fear, so I wondered why I was afraid, or what was I really afraid of. For me, one of my most primal fears is that there really is no higher purpose to things. that its all just a toss of the dice and that is just how it all is, some are blessed and some are cursed. what if that is true? then life is just a free for all, grab what you can and screw everybody, its a dog eat dog world......Again though, I know that those thoughts are just poor lazy thinking habits, slipping to the lowest common denominator because I have been a part of some events and relationships that with out a doubt prove that wrong. its not Fate, but a much higher principle that dictates order out of chaos and moves and brings things about in a way that primitively is called fate or magic or miracles but are really following an often undetected course, but a course plotted and set upon none the less.

I have a faith in me that knows that perspective is everything, and that things are not good or bad....it our judgment and perspective that straps those black and white labels on....and I also know that Life, in all its forms is better then "not life", and that no matter how much something hurts its better to feel pain then nothing at all, so even difficult aspects have a gift in that they at least remind you that you are alive still and have needs to meet.

At one point last spring (2018).....I almost felt that Nothing At All, it was like all my particles, of love and hope and goodness and faith and happiness were sucked into a black hole and squashed together so tight that Nothing could escape. (this was before this years Solar return, but under what Steven had pointed out was a once in a life time crunch of a major Solar Arc event involving Saturn and Pluto and my Angles. Ouch, I hurt everywhere.)

I think though that what actually did happen was that Nothing did indeed escape:)
That is when I saw the Unicorn in the fairy Circle in my back yard.

I have this Scorpio Stellium that I think drives me to really look hard at the underlying patterns and cycles and past events and try to solve the mysteries of what really is at the bottom of things and find the good in it (Moon, Mars, Neptune and Jupiter).

I know that I have this issue with personal relationships with the opposite sex. even though I try to have relationships something always seems to mess it up, and I feel bad. So, by reason, if I have had some sort of pattern in my relationship that has prevented me from having a real long term happy partnership with a man, the issue isnt with them but with me.....I am the only common denominator in all of them. the aspect of Saturn to Venus is like having the feeling that no matter what, you are a disappointment to others, or that others disappoint you. what a sad way to have to go about life feeling, especially for someone like me who has a pretty optimistic attitude and an upbeat personality, it like a low droning background noise that is just waiting to get the chance to say "ah ha, I knew it, I told you so, you suck, they suck, this sucks.

If I have had this Saturn Venus issue my whole life, as indicated by my chart, then it seems to be reasonable to say that in my home as a child I was conditioned in a negative way to sabotage relationships and foster the worst potential manifestation of this aspect.....instead of if I was raised in a home that was able to model behaviors and conditions that would have enhanced the actually positive side of this aspect (ie the hard working, serving, pleasure from helping others). well but the universe has a way of unfolding things in its own time and humans with our little life span dont often get the chance to understand how long somethings really take to get to fruition. I think that this Aspect is like a little bunch of grapes. it gets bottled up with a bunch of other aspects from the chart and kind of sits around for years fermenting and brewing itself, and it could go one of two ways....you could end up with a bottle of the bitterest nastiest toilet cleaning elixir, or it could bubble up into a whole new flavor of the most yummiest of all potentialities. I think that the Hard aspect in astrology, especially the ones with the outer planets are like that, we are born with them and based on what else in in the mix and how it gets mixed and bottled up you either end up with turpentine or wine.

I dont want to be turpentine. Im sure its good for some things like stripping paint, but wine is great for lots of things and makes people happy and smells nice and is a pretty color and goes good with food.......

My fathers Venus is conjunct my ascendant. Ive either ignored that, or didnt see it as a big deal.
Erics Venus is conjunct my Ascendant. (his venus is conjunct his mars as well).
My venus is conjunct Craigs Descendant.

In reading about Venus and the angle I was struck by a few things that took hold in my mind and I really wanted to understand.
Jim told me that Venus loves the angle.
I feel that in my love for Craig. I do. my Venus has never loved anybody like that before, that is why in many ways I'm just star struck by him.
but then Jim went on to say that in his experience that he has had several relationships in the past, where Venus was on the Angle.
these past relationships are over, they didn't last, the Love that Venus had for the angle was not enough to keep them going, and in a way that made me so sad, and also so curious. I am not meaning to get into Jim's private life, but I know enough about him to say that he is a very caring and kind person and has a lot of love and great qualities. He always strikes me as a man who is not ruled by his stars, but who rules, with love, over his stars. but the fact that he clearly says that he has had several relationships with Venus on the angle, made me wonder about the actual influence that is really going on in synastry between two people who have this going on together. it would seem like a set up for happily ever after, but apparently not in those cases.

The other thing about Venus on the Angle that bothered me was how in reading all about mundane events like earthquakes, and shootings, and deaths.....how often Venus was to be found on the Angle those events. doesn't sound loving or nice or affectionate in anyway. yet it was explained how Venus brings attention and affection and how after horrible things people usually show affection. yet as a Venusian trait it just made me wonder, why? why is Venus on the angle sometimes as nice a heaven but other times seemingly viscous.

So I had something happen that I wanted to share........

On the 4th of July I had no plans but to take my kids back n forth to work.
But somehow as the morning unfolded I quickly saw that my day was not going to be alone and quiet.
Orion's friends and Sabrina's friends and my family all had major plans and they wanted my part in it.
So I hustle bustled here and there seeing and talking to people I hadn't in a long time.
As the afternoon got underway my niece called and said some of the family was down the street at the beach and could I come down for the picnic and boating.
So I did. It was a day filled with feeling love and affection and being a part of something nice and lots of activity and of course my heart was filled with my Patriotic feelings of being Blessed to live in America......
Getting all sorts of love and affection in that family like way.
My other niece had brought her dog too.
Id never met this dog but it was friendly and wagged and let me pet it. I love dogs. I have learned a lot from dogs. Jupiter told me that Dogs are all about Love and I completely agree.
As the afternoon creeped into nightish I had to go pick up Orion at 830.
The people picnicking next to us had started setting off fireworks and had been rowdy all day with crazy music and general partying.
I had just come in from rowing the boys in the lake and I walked up the hill to the pavilion where everyone else had gathered. As I approached the dog came running out towards me and not thinking about it I extended my hand down to greet the dog. the dog I had been petting and playing with all after noon, the dog I was no stranger too.
But the dog was stressed and fearful and agitated from being at the park all day listening to the fireworks and hellish music and screaming and laughing....
Before I sensed anything amiss that dog had my hand is his mouth and was biting biting biting me. Bit my ring finger in three places and my pinky in two places.
I screamed.
I screamed and kicked him and he ran away. My hand throbbed and bled and I just cried and cried in shock.
It hurt.
For sure that dog {bonked} me up.
But I cried because I was scared and confused and in shock. Shock that that dog who I had seemingly been best friends with moments before would think I was a threat and a bad person and that it needed to defend itself against me.
It literally attacked me out of the blue.

Im ok.
My fingers are fine.
Im kinda nervous of other peoples dogs now.
Ive encountered a few hiking and I have this distrust about me towards the dogs...who im sure under all most all other circumstances is a loving fine and gentle dog who normally wouldnt hurt a fly. Yet I am cautious to get close.

After that dog bit me....i was showered with so much affection and attention that I was embarrassed. Everyone made such a fuss. Everyone showed concern and care and sympathy and most of all Love.
Ive never felt that way before....the complete center of attention...of so much love. It was awkward and made me uncomfortable. Ive never cried or been so shocked before either.

On that day
At 8pm as I was leaving to get the boy).....
Was when the planet venus came into alignment with my ascendant angle. The universe was bringing to me love and attention and affection....even though it did it through a painful and shocking way.

Venus loves the Angle. In all shapes and forms. But sometimes it brings that affection to us in ways that dont seem nice.

That dog was under extreme stress and reacted out of instinct...not bc I really was a threat.

My father bites at me when he is under stress.
Eric bites too.

They both live lives that are very stressful and agitating and negative, feeding ideas of being a victim, of dominance and power over others, and control. they both Love me like crazy, I know because when they are not stressed and fearful and angry they have actually show it to me in the most loving and pleasant ways.

Jupiter said something in another thread about how when a woman looks at a man, she is trying to see if he will kill her, while a man looks at woman to see if she will have sex. this is true, and it is actually biologically driven science and instinctual patterns of behavior that have evolved *for a reason* over time. the reason is, that men do kill women. men get inflamed and impassioned and out of control and they kill, accidentally or not. I have felt that fear with both my father and with Eric, that if they got stressed out enough, or under the influence of drugs alcohol or propaganda, that I could say or do something, which under normal circumstances wouldn't set them off, but because of the stress they react.....and snap there goes my neck.

I also know that I bite too, or that, I have a potential to bite. We all do. we all Venus somewhere and it could line up on an angle and then there you have a potential for negative attention. But that is where it would seem that a person has a choice, to be ruled by the stars or to rule the stars. Eric and my dad both have no inclination towards self reflection, and from what I understand, it is through self reflection that we are able to see our selves and our choices clearly and then make conscious decisions. Venus on the angle seems to be, or at least in my experience, an opportunity for reflection, Venus is all about the Mirror after all, but when a person is projecting onto another person this image and it isn't a pretty image to them, it bites. Healthy reflection seems to be to take the qualities of love and affection and desire that we as individuals need as human beings and instead of seeing another person as the embodiment of what you need, or find most attractive, you can find with in yourself all that you need and love yourself just as you are, a being of shadow and light. we all do have a shadow side, and it is side that we dont let others see easily and one we often neglect and deny to our selves, but in my experience until you can truly love yourself just the way you are and not project out unhealthy images of dreams and ideals of the "perfect" person, you will never be able to be happy, truly happy, because you will always be looking outside of yourself for something, when all that you really need is inside.

So this Saturn thing that I have coming up isn't going to be anything major. Ive dealt with feeling disappointment my whole life and I have a new way of seeing things now that that dog bit me. Funny how the Universe unfolds.
I was really hoping that this year I was going to get a big fat behind.......I have worked and worked and worked on it, but I tell you I just dont think its going to pan out. I dont have the build or the temperament, I may feel a tinge of disappointment about that, but I have no one to be disappointed with but myself. I could really be eating a gallon of ice cream every day and I know that would do the trick.

[Veronica]

This morning I was woken up around 4:15 with a very unusual thought that had just struck my mind.

It was like I heard a soft whispering song rustling in the trees. I couldnt quite make it out.

I went back to bed and when I woke up at 7 I felt sick to my stomach....but that went away.

I had two events happen yesterday that were funny.

Saturn is slinking up on my venus.
Aroung 2:50 pm I brought my dogs outside to piddle.
While they were doing their business I rearranged my beloved houseplants so that they could catch the afternoon suns angle.
I look up at my dogs and see one gobbling up something while my big Shepherd was rolling in something.
Yup....sure as Saturn....they had found a steaming hot pile of deer poo.
My sheppard had smeared....all over her back. All over her face and tail....inbetween every hair in her beauitful coat...the yuckiest smelling....poo.
And I was supposed to pick my daughter up in 10 minutes.
How to you loving wash poo out of hair. How do you not cry and recoil at the mess and smell.....how do you not be late and disappoint a loved one.....
Poo happens and you cant take it personally.

Later in the evening...after a bath...I took the previously poo'd pup for a walk.
I had just found that I had had a mouse on my windiw sill and it had eaten the monach butterfly carcass my sister had given me that I kept bc it was so beautiful. I know it was a mouse bc it left tale tell little nuggets...
I was a little sad for a moment about my loss. My house though is beseiged with butterflies right now so I comforted myself with the fact that I had living ones to enjoy there beauty.

Yet though as my pup and I started down the road I saw up ahead the black and orange...laying in the road. A victim of traffic. We went up to the butterfly and I saw the decimation of his fragile being...a leg lost and wing crumpled and worst of all ....his inner guts squirted out of his behind. He was so beautiful though. Even in his brokeness. I couldnt leave it there to just be wasted by traffic grinding him up to nothing. I carefully picked him up and we walked back to my front porch where I carefully tucked him into the corner by my drum so that the wind wouldnt blow him away. And then me n my pup hiked for about two hours in the deep woods.
We we came back the butterfly was perched on my top step fanning out his wings. The mess that had been his behind and guts were gone as far as I could see and while his leg was still missing his wing seemed ok bc he was fluttering and limping about.
I brough out a scallop shell I have filled with water for him and left him alone. He was gone when I came back to check an hour later.
I was so happy I almost cried but I did give thanks to the universe for holding so many blessings and miracles and sharing them with me.

[Veronica]

Ya know....

Im probably gonna live another 40 years.

After this year....my kids are pretty much grown.

I hear so many people talk of this age of adulthood....
How they can do what they please
Travel
Party
Relax
Work out
Hobbies

And here is me....
Aquarius sun.......the next step
Scorpio moon....(in/towards)..social activity

I have had a dream in me that seems to be coming tangible.

Jim, astrology has taught me that ever single person has hardships, disabilities.
Ive learned that when relating to people I can serve them best and empower them if I keep that fact in the front of my mind and act with patients and compassion....as if they are a cancer patient dying.
Your not mean or rude to dying people.

I have so much love and kindness and nice things about me.
Yet adults....we got issues and unresolved problems and I see how adults really use each other to keep thier pains and troubles brewing.
I dont want that.
I dont want a person in my life who is (consciously or not) using me to get an angle or work through past trauma or to wrestle demons.
Im tired of it.

I have an idea on what I will do once my daughter graduates. And its not partying or traveling or taking a martial arts class. For me...those things are inherently selfish as they only serve me.
In my world, human beings are no better or worse then any other life form. We are not superior. We are not gods choosen favorites.
If a bee has to work everyday of his life....being a bee.
Then so should I....being me.

I have 4 more lunar returns with Saturn on my Venus....120ish more wake ups. I will get through it and my beloved venus....my huge midpoint of the sun moon neptune and jupiter.....will be sparkily clean of all my psychological bs by then......and if not....well in 29.5 years it will be back and I can do it all over again.

I am working towards my goal. Baby steps by baby steps. I cant tell anyone because Im afraid of sabatoge by cold hearted people who just have there self interest at heart. My goal, while selfish in that I desire it, is IMO the sum of my sun and moon which is what I was born to do and have been doing my whole life in some way or another.

So maybe those unusual blessings that will be coming my way have to do with this because what I want is very unusual concidering modern cultures ego vision of perfection and lovabilty and desire. Time will tell.

[Veronica]

Ive seen it mentioned that SSRs have a "mop up" period that is aprox. 20% of the last part of the year before a new SSR begins.

Which I am taking as the conscious shifting necessary to clean up any final touches that the years events brought to the natives consciousness.

Is there such a thing as mopping up in the lunar returns?

I am concidering that lunar returns are more about events that are happening under the surface in the natives subconscious, or more presciously how the native interprets responds receives and internalizes events subconsciously.

Also...
In my next months lunar return that starts tomorrow my software shows that my most partile aspect is transiting venus to my natal Pluto at 0.00 semisquare.

Is that correct?
Ive noticed that some of the degrees that others generate are slightly different from mine and Im not sure why or what is going on with that. Probably my error in not clicking something right.
Thanks.

[Jim Eshelman]

Is there such a thing as mopping up in the lunar returns?

This is a great question!

I think there isn't. I haven;t seen this behavior (quite the opposite: if anything, lunars are more likely to manifest most descisively at the very beginning of the cycle, as if "getting things out of the way" at the beginning).

Second, the SSR mop-up seems to rest on the theory of the Progressed Sidereal Solar Return, which makes one and a quarter loops around the zodiac between birthdays. After the PSSR finishes the first complete circle (about 4/5 of the way through the year) the SSR seems to act like "I should be done already," and kicks into high gear - that's the observation in any case. And there is no similar process known to work with the SLR.

Finally, the Demi-SLR complicates the matter. The Demi-Lunar is so powerful, it's often like a second full SLR during the month. The full SLR technically lasts the whole month - its four weeks should be fundamentally marked by its character - but the Demi-SLR is such a strong "stand-alone" (clearly marking its two weeks with its character) that often it seems to overshadow the full SLR (which often will have "shot it's primary load" in the first two weeks). Bottom line: Would an SLR mop-up be the last stages of the first half of the month (which seems unlikely) or the last stages of the full month (when it often will have become moot anyway and doesn't usually "resurge" in my experience).

So... I think not.

I am concidering that lunar returns are more about events that are happening under the surface in the natives subconscious, or more presciously how the native interprets responds receives and internalizes events subconsciously.

I wouldn't link it to subconsciousness in that way, since the effects are very much out in the open. (If there's a "subconscious" factor, it's in strong aspects in the background of the SLR, rather than near the angles.) Think of Moon more as "circumstances impacting you from outside," "receiving experiences," shifting conditions that require adaptation and response, etc. - those seem to be the Moon themes distinctive to SLRs.

In my next months lunar return that starts tomorrow my software shows that my most partile aspect is transiting venus to my natal Pluto at 0.00 semisquare. Is that correct?

I confirm that you have that transit with that orb, yes. You likely will feel it, but not as a primary feature: Venus is background so it won't mark the month as a whole, but will reflect "backdrop conditions" behind the main manifestations.

The main conditions of the month will be characterized by Neptune, which is less than a degree from Ascendant. Furthermore, Neptune is less than a degree from square your natal Mars (which squares SLR Asc). Neptune by itself and especially transiting Neptune square natal Mars are the main features. Transiting Mars is also borderline foreground. Be careful out there!

[Veronica]

Interesting. Thanks for clarifying, Im gonna ruminate on the ideas for a bit. Ive still got a lot to learn and integrate about ideas like demi returns and progressed returns.

Thanks for the heads up about this months return too. I will be extra careful. Sounds like a serious assult is being planned....I dont like the vibes it gives one bit.
And I'm not such a fool as to believe that certain people are above and beyond wanting to see serioys harm come to me.
My sun neptune aspect has lots of people hating on me.

My 30 year class reunion is this weekend.
I was allready planning on skipping it.

Ya know I dont know if this is valid or not but I toss it out there....
In regards to my sun neptune square and how pretty much all of the people I grew up with in school have their neptune square my sun....
I can divide those people into two lots....
The first lot are the people who never got to know me, the people who from what Ive seen could be concideed "godless" or un spiritual....who judge me and have unrealitic images of me based upon what I look like. They are jealous and angry and afraid Im gonna steal there men....low stuff....

But then I have a group....a very very small group of classmates....who are loving and kind and uplifting and genuinely seem to like me and we laugh and have fun and do nice things. These people are all very spiritual...mostly catholic christian or buddists and pagans.

I want nothing to do with the first set as I can hear in there language now that Ive studied astrology and etymology the nasty stuff that is really being said.

But my other friends....the ones who got to know the real me and understand me and dont judge me....I love them so much because they are so strong and hopeful and inspire me to push myself to work harder and to not give up.

I think maybe next month I will avoid the places where I know the first set shop and socialuze and live.

I have my kids to look after and I dont want any trouble.

[Veronica]

Astro.com does not have any charts called demi lunar returns. They have one called Lunar opposite.
When I looked one up I saw it generated a report for me on July 27 when my moon was 7 degrees Taurus.

Am I correct in thinking this is the demi?

I had been thinking yesterday about all the work I had done in my late teen early twenties surrounding the phases of the moon, daily biorythems sort of stuff as well as a few years of very conscious directed weekly ablutions. It helped me focus and stay grounded and not slip into my daydreamy fantasty world that I use as an escape mechanism under stress.

I never thought to concider the pole placement of my moon (or of scorpio in general). Yet my demi lunar return plopped my moon there and it made me pause and think about the aspects of the new and full moon.

Is the demi like the dark moon in that its the unexpressed shadow counterpart to the full moon (even though I understand that it does not mean that ON my demi its a new moon...though its possible that sometime in my life it may be)?

So.....i can understand why a lunar return does not have a mopping up period so to speak.....
But.....
Does a SSR have a Demi aspect? when the sun is exactly opposite its natal place. It seems like it would. But If i understand what your getting at, that is the Progressed SSR.

The Neptunian things I have going on have found a very productive outlet for me, a form of self expression that results in some very intersting collage art work. Its something crafty I have done much of my whole life and enjoy even though as art it probably leaves a lot to be desired by most. But I like it and it truly capitalizes on my visionary capabilities and is a great form of self expression and keeps me from slipping into the yuckies of Neptunian stuff. The past few weeks I have been highly motivated and inspired to create, so I have.

[Jim Eshelman]

Astro.com does not have any charts called demi lunar returns. They have one called Lunar opposite.
When I looked one up I saw it generated a report for me on July 27 when my moon was 7 degrees Taurus.

Am I correct in thinking this is the demi?

Yes, sounds right. (I don't use Astro.com, so I'm going by your description.)

Is the demi like the dark moon in that its the unexpressed shadow counterpart to the full moon (even though I understand that it does not mean that ON my demi its a new moon...though its possible that sometime in my life it may be)?

No. It's just another return chart, roughly as strong as the full lunar.

Does a SSR have a Demi aspect?

Over the last 10 years in particular, I've completely lost interest or confidence in demi and quarti solar returns. (There's one exception: There is a technical way in which they show which quarter(s) of the year the main SSR effects will most likely emerge as events, e.g., if you have Mars angular in the SSR and then in the demi, the main Mars events will be in the last half of the year and especially the third quarter of the year, triggered by the demi.) But as a stand-alone chart I find them worthless beyond a day or two of "blip" influence (meaning: I don't even do my own demi-solar and quarti-solar charts anymore).

[Veronica]

I find it fascinating that the mopping up period in a SSR is aprox 4/5 of a year or 20%.

That is for sure no arbitrary percent.

Thats 72degrees correct?

[Jim Eshelman]

Approximately, yes. (73 is closer)

The length of a sidereal year (the time between two consecutive solar returns) averages 365 days 6 hours 9 minutes. (I've seen it vary 10-12 minutes either side of that.) That means that the Earth rotates 365.25625 times, or about 365 1/4. (This is the extra fourth of a day that requires we have a leap year every four years to absorb the extra "fourths.")

Each solar return has Midheaven about 92° later than the one before (or, a better way to average is that next year's SSR MC will be 2° than this year's Eastpoint).

By the PSSR rate, then, the Solar Return's progressed Midheaven moves through an entire circle plus an extra 92° (on average), I.e., 365.25625 loops of the circle. This means that progressed Midheaven completes the whole circle of the zodiac in four-fifths of the year. That is, it makes the circuit on average in 0.796 years (1.0 divided by 1.25625). This is 287° of the zodiac (73° short of a whole circle) or 291 days.

[Veronica]

Wow
That is not how I got my answer, but you knew that.
Very cool, that makes a lot of sence.

So then the 291st day is the completion of the Motion of the angle, and the time to the remainder of the year is the time of moping up.

I would think that on this day the Univetse has set up some nice or not so nice events.

[Veronica]

Well well....

Environment really does make a huge difference in how the universe manifests its motions.

You all know what a paranoid unrealistic person I can be.

So when Jim said
Be careful....

Well...I paid attention.

Thats what ge was getting at. Being aware. Staying present. Mind your surroundings.

I live pretty much in the middle of no where.
I dont socialize. Much really at all.
I dont do to many reckless things like flying trapeze...or wheelies on my bike...or being in environments that I know are stressful on my sensitivity.

But the Universe still will find a way to bring the tides to you.

Some times I think Im Snow White....the little virgin girl in the forest making friends with the woodland creatures.
I really do. Lalala....

I think my expierence last night is par excellent symbolism for my lunar return that just opened up.

Walking on the trail with my dog....like we always do.
Come to a point where the trail opens up from the woods to a meadow. I can see far down the trail now, but the trail is overgrown and not been mowed in weeks.
Up ahead...on the ground I see this hufe splash of white amungst tge tall grass. It wasnt there yesterday. The grass is obscuring it and I cant see what it is.
As I get closer I see a huge swarm of nasty flies all over and around it.
I had to walk past it if I was gonna continue on my hike.
The trail was very wide and I thought Id be able to......
Well I truly don't know what I thought except that Im snow white and I dont see many wild animals and this poor thing was provably dead or dying...hence the insane amount of flies.
But....instead of doing tge smart thing...
I decide I want to get a movie of it. To capture what ever it was on film. Im always making movies and taking pictures. Its a passion.
So.....I took out my camera and start recording....making little commentary...and sure enough my dog hears me talkibg and looks up and sees it....
And I though I was holding her leash strong.
But she lunged....my shoulders are still very weak from my injury...
And sure enough
My pup was on that poor dying Skunk in a flash.
Not mean like...shes not mean...but right up its butt.

It had enough life to spray her.

That stuff makes you cry. It burns your eyes and seems to bond immediately with the air to create a blanket of sulfuric acid that like water gets into all your pours and nooks and crannies.

Transiting Mars square neptune
Angluar Neptune square natal mars

So nature will find a way for these things to come to pass.

Im glad that I am in an environment that brought me a sad skunk instead of a much worse nasty.....

Being mindful IMO is so very important. I have a lot of subconscious programming that runs to my disadvantage...habits and behaviors and thoughts that I learned as a child from my environment and the people around me acting in thier own way. The lower aspects of me when I saw my SLR felt like a someone who was hurt wanted to hurt me. And my defenses went up and my ego filled and I wanted to say....bring it bitch....
But that's not who I am.
Im not mean. I dont want to hurt others.
Be careful is to be mindful and aware that the universe will find an outlet for stress and if you can control your mind and hence your emotional self...you can be in an environment where you will can ride out tge current in the best way possible.

Im silly snow white who thinks a wild skunk is a friend and wont hurt her.

My video is hysterical....its outa focus and all jiggly and compketely improv....im laughing at myself over and over.

Ive never seen a wild skunk up close. I didnt realize the are mostly white with only a tad of black.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

What was the skunk dying of?

I think a trip to the vet for an update on your dogs' rabies and distempter vaccines is in order.

SERIOUSLY.

With your current aspects, this is not something to put off. This afternoon. If you have to pawn something, do it, but vets usually will let you set up a payment plan.

Don't put this off.

[Veronica]

Thank you.
That was exactly what I was thinking.
Im pretty sure it was rabbid....it was horrible looking...and the flies....
And Im pretty sure it didnt touch my dog
But Im not taking chances with my love like that.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Rabies is passed along by bodily fluids. Saliva is just one kind. Your dog got sprayed. In the eyes? You might also check with your own doctor because you got into that spray trying to clean it off your dog. Both of you certainly inhaled it.

[Veronica]

I am waiting for the county health dept to call me back.
No vets will see her until I hear back from them.
Her inoculations did expire in may/june and I dropped the ball on getting them up to date.
Its a three year shot and I forgot to give the vets my new address....but its completely my fault and my responsibility not thiers.

It did spray her in the eyes and yes the spray was everywhere I could taste it.

I would rather get beat up then have something happen to my pup. Id never forgive myself. Shes the best dog in the world.

[Avshalom Binyamin]

Skunk spray can't pass rabies.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Skunk spray can't pass rabies.

It might not have been rabies.

[Veronica]

Dogs all good.
Still a little stinky.


Had a breakthrough this morning after several culminating months. Or years truthfully.

I really am naive and trusting and giving the benefit of the douvt to a fault. I also do over estimate myself and my place in the world.

My son, bless his heart has been trying for years in his gentle way to tell me.

I heard it loud and clear last night.
The body language
The tone of voice
The words
The hatred in the eyes
The cruelty and unecessary pain.

My daughter is not a mini me at all.
Shes a mini Eric.
The words that came outa her mouth were his....
"I dobt care about how you feel...Im gonna do what ecer I want"

It was so in my face her crocodile tears she has shed for years...all of it...shes a professional gaslighting narcissistic bully.

I tried....she was 10 when I ended it. He had allready trained her to be just like him.

It was crazy to watch last night...hiw she held herself....how she destroyed things...how she so deliberately said every little thing she could to hurt me.

It was so scary.

Cant wait to get over this saturn on my Venus. I wonder what other suprises I have comming in the last sttetch.

I swear it feel like labor pains the waves of sorrow and saddness. Next time maybe i will take that epudural....jk lol.

[Arena]

Oh, they do get to a difficult rebellious narcissist stage during the teenage, so maybe that's just it.

[SteveS]

"Every Rose Has It Thorn."

[Veronica]

Oh, they do get to a difficult rebellious narcissist stage during the teenage, so maybe that's just it.

Angular Uranus and Venus....so rebellion and narcissism are allready fully present....
If being abusive for no reason is this stage.....Im not playing that part in her play.

The scene I saw last night was almost verbatim interactions I had with her father 10 years ago. It was freaky uncanny, how she held her body, the exact phrases, the violent emotional outrage.

I was scared.
But at least I for my part handled tge situation calmly and quietly and asserted myself kindly yet firmly and didnt crumble and cave in nor lose my mental clarity to not stoop to that cruel level.

A big part of my love for her shifted, I mean I still love her but I dont trust her anymore, not with my heart at least.

[Veronica]

Another example of the universe finding a way to manifest transits to our chart....

Sitting at home on the couch, I hear a loud buzzing in my ear...dont see anything. All of a sudden out of nowhere a bee flies right down my blouse, gets lost in flesh and fabric...frantically trying to save the little fellow (I love bees they are my favorite insect) he stings me right on my left breast above my heart....still dont see him till he mysteriously escapes and flies over to my bookcase...never to be seen again. Made me cry. It hurt. It scared me. I didnt want to hurt him. Was sad that he felt he had to hurt me...

I really see how the environment we keep ourselces in provides the opportunity for things to come to be. Its gonna come...for sure...but you can control in a way how it is gonna come.


I was curious...
I read Robert Hands Free weekly horoscope over at astro.com for me today (free every Thursday)
In regards to my venus being conjunct transiting Saturn he dropped some language that Ive been concidering...
"Fated relationships" "things now will come to bear in 14 years"

I dont buy the fated relationships....we get what we attract and fate is a very powerless word but one that people on a whole seem to either grasp onto like a security blanket (i know I have) or push away in a very Uranus rebellion and Plutonian go your own way....

But what it did make me concider is that 14 years is about half of a Saturn cycle. Thus I would be led to concider that what he is getting at is that during this massive saturn transit to my natal venus ( and my major midpoint of the sun and moon/ neptune/jupiter which is aspected by my natal Saturn and Uranus)....
That these fruits of my ability to constructively transmute that transit into sonething of goodness and wholeness and to synthesize that with self understanding and honesty ( instead of becoming a bitter old cat woman hag who drowns her sorrows and is unpleasent to the world and shuts out love and her ability to receive and give love)....
Will be apparent in half a saturn cycle when saturn is opposite my venus and I am feeling the effects of that transit again.

But....
(I am getting a big butt)
This saturn transit is about 75% into my Saturn return which occured when I was 29.
That return has brought out many factors for me to deal with, as saturn danced around my chart aspecting dufferent things as she went and now has been sternly looking at my desire nature and affections and the truths and lies about that that I have been living.

Do Saturn returns have a mopping up period as well like a Solar return?

The lessons and expierences that occur hapoen over such a very long time, but they seem so deep and profound and powerful that I would think that before you moce into another Saturn return that you do get some sort of mopping up.

[SteveS]

Lot to consider here Veronica with this post. I know this---my first Saturn Return introduced me to the world of astrology.

[Veronica]

My first saturn return was when I got the chicken pox, almost died and broke off a 10 year relationship bc I wanted children and not the party lifestyle my current partner wanted.

Edit: a more honest statement..... My biological clock wanted children and I was afraid to have children with my partner because of the high probability that his families genetically passed medical issues would manifest as well as the fact that he IMO drank and used drugs very hard.

I think though that therein lies an issue for me bc....well I dont want what most people do. Im not attracted to popular things and have picky tastes. My biology and my conditioning in this culture though has pressured me to want to want what everybody else does.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

I don't believe in "Saturn Returns" in the sense you can calculate your saturn return like you would a solar or lunar return and then read off a theme that your life will have till the next saturn return.

When Saturn returns to the place he held when you were born it's a conjunction between natal and transiting Saturn. It usually lasts a few days, but then it often happens a second time and a third. While those multiple passes occur, it focuses your attention on things you need to work on. That depends on other aspects both Saturns make and what's angular in your chart at the time. But once Saturn has moved on, so will that focus.

Saturn returns happen about every 29 years.
Every 14 years you also get a Saturn-Saturn opposition, and every seven years there's a Saturn-Saturn square. Again, these are aspects and focus your attention on matters that relate to what else is being aspected by the two Saturns, and what's angular. And again, once Saturn moves on, so will you.

That's my opinion, based on my own experience and observations of other people as they go through Saturn "returns" and aspects. Other people claim it has some kind of spiritual influence that deeply affects their lives over a nearly 30 year period. I just don't. I mean I guess you could make that happen by keeping any themes from the actual aspect at the forefront of your like and focusing on those themes in meditation or something for the following 30 years, but that's too weird for me.

Which all leads up to nope. I don't think there's a "mopping up" period for a Saturn return. It's not like you have a PSSatR that progresses 450 degrees instead of the usual 360 over 24 hours. You might be able to have a mopping up period with a Mercury and Venus return (ewww! airy-fairy dust all over that!) but not any planets past the earth. I think instead of looking for mopping up periods, it would be sensible to look at multiple passes because of retrograde motion.

I also think the Saturn cycle, as Saturn aspects your Sun, Moon and the angles is far more important, and the angle crossings are part of what makes relocations work. Move and you move your mundane angles, and when planets cross them, which can change the aspects made when the crossings occur.

Just my opinion, based on my own experience and observations.

[Jim Eshelman]

I agree almost entirely, and especially agree about a Sidereal Saturn Return not being a "map for the next 29.5 years" etc.

However, in terms of "forward impact," I think there is a great deal for similar reasons to those JSAD hinted near the end of her post. The major Saturn-Saturn aspects (at least, several of them - including the conjunction or return) tend to occur at life junctures where many psychologists have discovered most people make significant, epochal shifts in their lives. This is especially true at the last square at around 21; at the "just before 40" Saturn Return; in the middle of the "age of oppositions" around 44 (give or take); etc.

The psychological patterning is that people resist sides of themselves until the pressure becomes too much and, at these junctures, are more inclined to make seismic shifts, usually in an opposite direction (e.g., toward security if they've been living free and loose, or the opposite if the opposite). These seismic shifts tend to form the main framework of the life until another adult developmental crisis hits a few years later.

And after all, what is our Saturn if not our "normative framework." I've seen commonly that Saturn-Saturn transits show us coming up face-to-face against our own previously formed life definitions and (now that we've grown) feeling that they are restrictive - so having to blow them away and reframe larger worldviews.

[Veronica]

Thank you both for your feedback and insight.

Robert Hands comment about....things now bear fruit in 14 years....which would be well into my next saturn return, made me wonder about it.

One of the things that I have not been very consciously looking into this SSR, is the fact that while Saturn is conjunct my Venus (and a very important collection of midpoints) it is also very much aspecting my natal Saturn as well as my natal Uranus.

Im sure though that I have been touching those issues, even if not consciously exploring them.

But I have been for a while now because I am well aware that my venus aspecting Uranus Saturn is a HUGE part of who I fundamentaly am.

Its my spice of life in a really acute way.

Yet while in the sanctity of my home I feel safe to let that part of me stretch and sing and dance and love life....

I do not feel safe to do (express myself unrestraint) that in public. I feel that our culture is not civilized, being bound by norms and mores and arbitrary acceptable behaviors. Id be eaten alive or worse, burned at the stake and wasted.

I do know that it feels like its killing me inside, that this beautiful unique spirit I was born to live, isnt.....
That I have to work everyday to contort myself to fit into what this uncivilized world things is good and proper, and its wearing me down and sucking me dry.

I guess though that possibly safety is an illusion.
Its highly unlikely I will be persecuted anymore then I allready have. There isnt really much left for "them" to take away from me, and Im still alive and still have my wits (though I admit to veing highly pliable) and my heart still aches and is so thirty for what my moon says is my appetite.

Im sure with culture being how it is that it must be hard for everyone to truly be themselves and not to fit into the box culture says get into. But I feel inside that I am so outrageous and outlandish and rebellious and freedom loving that Im gonna just burst sometimes.

Steve....here s another funny astrology to contemplate....I went to the car dealership yesterday (again dang mercury) and while waiting to have my car looked at I got my reading book and went to the vack of the lot to sut under a tree and read. After about two minutes I felt this incredible pain, up my pants. Way up...my daisy dukes. I look down and I am swarming with fire ants!! I sat down on there nest which was invisible at tge time and tgose little buggers were all up in my business!! I had to do sone new kibda funky groove to get them out with out stripping down to the bare!! Crazy

[SteveS]

My first Saturn Return in 1977 unleashed the heaviest/shocking does of intense fear I have ever felt in my entire life. I think maybe how our natal Saturn's are aspected in our natal's has much to do with influencing a first Saturn Return. I have a 3,49 orb conjunction with Pluto with my natal Saturn, and a partile mundo conjunction. Here is what happened to me in the Autumn of 1977:

1: Discovered my father was a closet alcoholic which began a final separative break-up with the relationship I had with my father.

2: Realized with a heavy dose of reality that the company I was working for was not going to make it financially and had a couple of years left before it would meet serious financial difficulty. I started working for this company when I was 6 years old and figured I was set for life with a solid career. Hardcore Saturn transits has a way of waking you-up to the true reality of a situation—like Veronica recently experience with her daughter with t. Saturn going over her n. Venus. And with Arena's tough Saturn transits she has been experiencing with her now ex.

3: I wanted to report my realizations/discoveries about the bleak financial future for the company to the stockholders, but the President of the Company ordered me to cover-it-up and not report to the stockholders. This began a separative break-up with the President who for many years was like a second father to me. I made up my mind to resign from the company citing different reasons for my resigning—protecting the President of the Company.

There is no doubt in my mind: Saturn has much to do with the psychological influence of fear as one of its negative psychological effects. Hardcore Saturn transits acts as a 'Fear of God' principle. My fear was so deep because of my Natal Saturn-Pluto conjunction I became pathological with many paranormal experiences. These deep paranormal experience led me (thanks to my wife) to a husband wife-team in Chicago. The wife was a high-grade psychic, the husband—an astrologer. This meeting increased my fear—which was the fear of the unknown for me not knowing anything about psychic stuff or astrology. I spent 3 days with the psychic and astrologer and was told so many true things about me and my life, which I thought was total BS, but later with the elapse of time proved to become true. I was told many important books would soon cross my path which would completely raise my consciousnesses in an initiative manner. I was told I would take-up the serious study of astrology with special books. I told myself/wife on the plane back home---no f—king way!!!

The only astrological thing that makes sense to me about what my first Saturn Return did to me by turning my life/consciousness completely up-side down, and my first introduction to astrology in Chicago—was Saturn is place in my 9th House. The Chicago Astrologer told me the 9th House had to do with 'Higher Learning, Higher Consciousness, Philosophy' and the Psychic told me with Saturn in my 9th House with Saturn first transiting Return to my Saturn in the 9th House was timing a complete over-haul of my life---and by God it did time a complete overhaul of my entire life!!! It was like something turned off the lights for the first 29 years of my life, and the party came to a screeching halt!!!

But...I did soon take up a serious study of astrology. Saturn is the 'task' master, but/and Saturn cycles are definitely going to teach us something important. Saturn cycles are our 'life lessons' to figure out.

Veronica wrote:

I had to do some new kinda funky groove to get them out with out stripping down to the bare!! Crazy

I understand kid! Ants in the pants will indeed make you do a funky groove.

[Veronica]

Steve.....
Im sorry you felt fear. Its horrible. Im glad you got through it. Im trying to stay positive and not feel fear like I have for quite some time now. My momma told me I was better off staying in the house with the girls.....

Anyways. Thank you for opening up and sharing your expierence. Its hard to talk about pain and as a male you are programmed to clam up even moreso, so I commend you for being true.

Ive had so much on my mind and heart and its so hard to find the right words sometimes......



...............................

I got some really funny angles and aspects going on right now....

I was looking at my demi lunar....which are charts I never looked at before but the idea resonated with me from the lunar work I used to do decades ago as part of my studying Goddess Spirituality.

Any hoo...
The demi for the other day had this most beautiful looking conjunction of venus and mars and the sun just an incy bit away....and low and behold that was right on my angle and being aspected in the sky very nicely by the slower bodies and then into my chart with some other really pretty looking geometry that just seemed to scream something really awsome was going on.

So I loojed up all the angles and aspects and tossed it around in my head for a while...because...well this demi lunar was still 2 days away...and I didnt have the faintest idea how on earth that transit would manifsst nor how my natal would respond.

I had some ideas of course based on the delineations and readings into symbols and etymology and geometry and fractals....but you never do really know how the universe is going to be until you are right in that moment.....and even then there is a slipperly slope or some sort of Plank that could toss it all another way.

I was really excited about this demi too because as I looked at it...I said .....hey wow..look the sun is exactly 180 away from my natal sun.....Im half way done with this PITA year.....its like a Demi-solar return. Thought that was really freaking cool and then thought about what that could mean....and then I crossed the whole year into squares and thought about that....and then thought that I really do have a vision problem.

Because somethings I just dont get...I dont understand...I dont see it...i dont see the bigger picture right.

And I dont.
I am near sighted
Im supposed to wear glasses

But thats my physical eyes
My minds eye also has a focus problem
There isnt any glasses that can fix that.
Its an inner mechanism that sometimes I can use very effectively and other times not.

This focusing and understanding what I am seeing I think is all tied up in my chart with my angular sun square my moon Neptune jupiter angluar conjunction which is trine my angular Pluto.

Years and years and years ago I read a book and came across a word that clicked so deep inside me that it felt like it had been written to describe that part of me. It was something that I seemed to to all on my own. To Know so deeply to understand and cherish and see as good to love and enjoy and completely be in unison and congress with.....to Grok.

Thats what I would call it.
...........................................

So I wrote that before my demi lunar and now I have been into that Demi lunar for a week.

I gad a strange thing happen on tbe day of my demi. It was an internal event for the most part.

I had been reading about quantum physics and how science now can show how two seperate and individual "things" can actually be simultaneously in the exact spot at the same time.

It made me think about my vision problem, and how in my head the world appears like an overlay, as if the topical substance of matter which I see as "tree" "table" " dog" is actualy a semi solid in flux and only becomes solid upon focus and intent.

If physics says that two things can be like that.....well then in my mind that means that somewhere out there, it is because nature does what it can.

I really dont know the ins and outs of the whole astrology of that day...but I do know that something inside me clicked, and I was able to see how I could very easily create in a much more conscious and clear and focused manner then I had ever been able to.

I realized that the things that I felt were holding me back and hurting me I could ignore acting on in this mundane world and accept that they had a place elsewhere where they served a purpose.

Watching my dog get sprayed by the skunk and bee stinging my boob and the ants in my pants showed me how the universe will bring patterns about but it is by conscious acts of free will that we can contribute to creation in a manner that is in accorance to our own nature.

I made a book.
Its a different kind of book.
I took a bunch of things that were being tossed away and painted and cut and glued then all up. It took along time but I let it just flow out of me with no thought on anything but being a tool for the book. The book wanted to be made and I didnt have much say in it.

Ive never created anything like it but the process reminded me of being pregnant and carriying a child. Women are so beautifully creative if you let them. It was what we were made to do.

[SteveS]

Veronica wrote:

Steve.....
Im sorry you felt fear. Its horrible. Im glad you got through it. 

Thank you for your kind thoughts Veronica. It was actually this stunning/shocking fear at this time in my life which brought me in contact with an astrological world. Eventually, my astrological learning brought me to the realization the unique mundane structure of my Natal Saturn-Pluto had much to do with a 'timing' in my life in order to learn some higher philosophical principles about Astrology for my continuing individual life—which was kick started by an intense feeling of fear. I sincerely believe if I had not experienced this intense fear, I never would have discovered astrology which has enriched my life with knowledge gained by knowing what certain planetary influences are and ways to deal with them psychologically, both positive and negative planetary influences. I keep my mind absorbed in experiencing this beautiful mystery of astrology-- realizing 'Timing is Everything' which, imo, goes beyond the laws of physics and hold tremendous metaphoric value as powerful symbols in this mysterious Universe.

[Veronica]

Steve I have a lot of respect for how well you are able to articulate such deeply personal yet human expierences. You dont hear men talking about their fears much around here, yet we all have them, and we all find things to soothe and help us get through and over the expierence.
Thanks for sharing.

I got interested in astrology because I figured if I was gonna burn in hell I might as well know what for

Found out though that I was just told I was gonna burn in hell outa fear of what could happen if I was free....ironic.

[SteveS]

Veronica wrote:

I got interested in astrology because I figured if I was gonna burn in hell I might as well know what for
Found out though that I was just told I was gonna burn in hell outa fear of what could happen if I was free....ironic.

I hear you girl--and know exactly what you mean.

[Veronica]

What was the skunk dying of?

I think a trip to the vet for an update on your dogs' rabies and distempter vaccines is in order.

SERIOUSLY.

With your current aspects, this is not something to put off. This afternoon. If you have to pawn something, do it, but vets usually will let you set up a payment plan.

Don't put this off.

I have a new lunar return today at 4am

Looks like uranus is angular
And a mars sun mercurcy conjunction hitting on my natal cenus which again.....has saturn transiting conjunct.

I am at a loss for words....

Can home yesterday and my dog, my best friend for 11 years who loved little ol psychopathic me...... wasnt right
Brought her to emergency

She had a tumor on her heart that burst.

Keeping her comfy today so that my son and daughter can say there farewells.

My shadow and protector and best friend is leaving me.

I think i have a tumor bursting too

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

I'm so sorry. You, and your dog, and your kids, will be in my thoughts today.

[Jim Eshelman]

I am so sorry to hear this, Veronica.

[Veronica]

Thank you very much.

I had been looking at that sun mars mercurcy conjunction as a possible nice thing....

Butcha know
Monday I looked at the reutrn again and saw Uranus looking Angular and my heart just sank. I cant really say why exactly except that it made me feel like this month was a major turning point of some event, a no going back sort of revolution in my life....my day to day life...and my love life.

I know as of today, that I knew well into my relationship with Jason in my 20s and Eric in my 30s.....that those men had/have such a twisted mibd and heart about me that I would never trust growing old with them and having to possibly be dependant on them and thier kindness (actually would be afraid of mental and physical abuse from them if I became invalid or needing help).....
As well as knowing that I would not be fit to be unconditionally loving and kind to them if they needed....that I would have deep rooted angst against them....and with my Scorpio business and saturn/venus aspect and angular Pluto....well...I know my limits and those two fellas, pushed them hard and far and hold onto stupid petty issues like a golden ticket to wave in my face.

My poor pup can puke and pee and poop and what ever she beeds too and I will with love clean her up and sing to her and rock her and just love her and thank God for every single second I had with her.

When we get into relationships with others it might ve a good idea to think about how the relatiobship and tge other person could handle a serious illness or prolonged painful death.

Id like to have a friend who if I needed to be eased of my pain....would help...

Jason and Eric would never pull the plug on me because they are needy...and would bemoan and make me feel like I had to stay to ease their suffering.

Its hard to think about having to possibly be reluant on someone to feed and dress and wash you. Those two couldnt be counted on to be sober....so if they got drunk and forgot my meds (in a hypothetical situation) Im dead....

I thank God for sending Seneca to me and for each moment and I know that all things in life are Gods and we are only borrowing them....and we are accoubtable for the cobdition in which they are returned.

I loved and trained and cared for my little pup for 11 years and she had an asolutely fabulous life of great smells and swims and hikes and I kniw sge is gonba have great stories to tell my mom when she gets back Home.

Love is real
Not fade away
I will see her again soon

[SteveS]

So sorry Veronica.

[Veronica]

Thank you Steve

[Veronica]

Am I correct that Neptune is retrograde right now
And is at 22 Aquarius 20.....
Exactly square my Mars today
And also sextile my Venus

And that it will continue to Retrograde till Jan
And which point on Feb 8th again be exactly square my Mars....

And then the bugger will move out of aspect to my Mars and Venus?

[Jim Eshelman]

Am I correct that Neptune is retrograde right now
And is at 22 Aquarius 20.....

Yes. Yes.

Exactly square my Mars today

Yes!

And also sextile my Venus

It is, but transiting sextiles are usually not worth watching. (It's also wider, over 2°.)

And that it will continue to Retrograde till Jan
And which point on Feb 8th again be exactly square my Mars....

Neptune turns direct November 27, 2019 at 20°55' Aquarius. It then turns retrograde again June 23, 2020 at 25°56' Aquarius. No stations in January.

Neptune first entered a 1° orb of your Mars May 25, 2018 and will last leave the 1° orb December 25, 2020. In a broad sense, the transit lasts (that is, the life and character transformation journey you are going through with this planet lasts) the entire two and a half years. However, the last exact (00') transit is February 9.

I suspect the strongest effect will peak February 9 and (unless it falls right on the angles of your new Solar Return or of a lunar return) will feel like it's "winding up"by March 7. However, having gone through whatever that transmutation is, the universe will give you the chance to demonstrate that you've learned the lessons ("final exam") between November 1 and December 25, 2020, when it sneaks back into orb.

Merry Christmas.

[Veronica]

.......
Ill give you "life and character transformation journey"........

Ima go sprinkle some glitter and play with my sticker book

I do love Christmas
That remark made me laugh

Thanks for clarifying.

As for not worth watching the sextile transits .........
the past few days it was more like I felt something deeper was pulling at my heart, obviously triggered by Senecas sudden passing. I thought in my mind how she lay with me each day when I was in so much pain and could barely move. She was right there always. She made that pain seem less. All the pains. Ever since she was born.

I never had thought about how my mars and venus were both being aspected by Neptune.

[Jim Eshelman]

As for not worth watching the sextile transits .........
the past few days it was more like I felt something deeper was pulling at my heart

Transiting Neptune square natal Mars stirs emotion, but I'd usually not describe it in the words you picked.

You're also near transiting Saturn conjunct your Venus, but we'd only expect that (at over 1° orb) if it were angular on something. (I imagine it is, since it's very appropriate to the grief experience.)

So, taking your "past few days" as the key, let's look at your September 5 Sidereal Lunar Return. Talk about heart strings! Just start with this (and there are other things nearby):

20°25' Sco Jupiter
20°28' Aqu SLR MC
22°26' Aqu Neptune
23°32' Leo Venus

[Veronica]

I must not be looking at the right chart because I dont see MC at Aquarius.
In the chart I have its in Aries?

I wonder how many heart strings we have.

I truelly dont feel like I have many left.
Thats about all I can muster to say.

Not feeling to cool with Venus lately.

[Algebra Sun]

Sun at the midheaven might be very independent, or idealistic
(probably)
You might be generous or intelligent (Sun)
Sun mc seems to be a glorious nature.
Very intelligent and/or strong in writing.
Aquarius is nice too, Aquarius probably means original thought and a wise character.

[Jim Eshelman]

I must not be looking at the right chart because I don't see MC at Aquarius.
In the chart I have its in Aries?

My apologies. You're right. (Solar Fire apparently set up your SLR for Los Angeles when I wasn't looking.)

Yeah, exactly right. It's a pretty boring chart, except the one thing that is a little strong is Uranus, which is never boring. And your natal Mercury (just a bit). So I would expect curiosity and learning something surprising, which isn't what you described.

Or, if you want something experimental an curious, your natal Sedna is 6°59' on the Midheaven. Read up on this Alaskan goddess and see if her primary tales resonate.

[Veronica]

Coming home to my pup so sick was surprising.

I had a million things going on in my mind as to why she was sick and curious as to what was wrong ....

I read about Sedna.....
I do feel tossed away and drowing and like Im holding on for dear life.

It feels like everything that was important and worthwhile in my life is gone or will be gone shortly and I am at the threshold of a new chapter of a book that doesnt have a plot or story to tell.

[Veronica]

Sun at the midheaven might be very independent, or idealistic
(probably)
You might be generous or intelligent (Sun)
Sun mc seems to be a glorious nature.
Very intelligent and/or strong in writing.
Aquarius is nice too, Aquarius probably means original thought and a wise character.

Thank you for your feedback Victor.
Very independent
Extremely idealistic
Generous to my own detriment
Some sort of intelligence about some things...pretty naive and daft about much more
I have a glorious switch that seems to be broken right now.
Some could argue I am a strong writer, with poor proof reading habits
People say I am nice.....but I dont really like that word because it implies having to put on an air over real feelings.....but it is true bc I have a lot of thoughts that pop up when Im stuck in traffic that are not very nice.
I dont think Im very original but I am a character for sure....and I have wised up a bit about certain things in life that I have had trouble with.

[Veronica]

Tomorrow I have a new Demi lunar return.....

In this one I notice that the transiting Dec angle is about 2 degrees away from conjunct my natal Jupiter (and more widely my natal moon and Neptune).

I am looking forward and upward to better things in my life and keeping an open mind and heart about the events and expierences that are coming towards me.

I dont recall ever seeing in my charts my natal Jupiter this close to the transiting angle.
My natal Jupiter is angular itself.
Does this imply that for this time frame that Jupiter is finding an easier expression of its qualities into my life?

The rest of the return seems to speak of a nice softer quality to the PITA saturn has been bringing to my venus and midpoint because I see transiting Venus aspecting my natal venus.

Btw
It has really been a profound experience for me to see how my life has unfolded since my Saturn return/giving birth/being a mom......and how here at the end of my childrens "neediness" I had Pluto as well as Retrograde Saturn....as well as menopause....all coming togetherike a huge Mozart Symphony of cosmic tides.

[Jim Eshelman]

Here is the angularity of everything in the Demi-Lunar, calculated mundanely for you. Moon is the closest, Neptune and natal Jupiter next, and, yes, you have TWO Jupiters.

r Mars on Dsc -7°02'
t Jupiter on Dsc -6°36'
t Moon on Asc -0°06'
----------------------------
r Jupiter on Dsc +0°29"
r Neptune on Dsc +0°55'
t Moon on Dsc +8°06'
r Saturn on Asc +9°36'