need to move forward in life but unsure how

[sfmlr]

hi, the main reason i post here is because i dont know what should i do in life to earn some kind of income and id like to hear some insight. you see, i finished 2 years of technical school (or whatever its called) but didnt graduate, since then i was trying to figure out what to do next and tried to follow a dream but i guess i have to do something else cause it didnt worked out how i initially planned
im searching through available jobs but i feel like there is nothing for me, i lack a lot of "earthy" skills and overall its difficult for me to function in this reality. im getting lost in thoughts easily, daydream, spend most of the time in mental realm, i need constant stimulation or else im instantly "not here" so its hard for me to perform any action that doesnt spark my interest. i feel like i need to do something unique that im passionate about but i dont know what it could be

primarly id like to hear about my career/vocation options but i appreciate every information

according to my birth certificate i was born 14 october 1998 at 2:10am in chrzanów, poland (lesser poland voivodeship)

[Jim Eshelman]

Welcome to Solunars, sfmlr.

I think you have a very good assessment of yourself: a first glimpse of your chart does show that you are very mentally oriented, with considerable mental capacity, so my first impression was, "He's in his head most of the time."

But there is also the dreamer in you. You mentioned you had a dream you were pursuing that didn't work out, but didn't mention what it was: I'm curious about that, because it might give a clue to what you should pursue (at least a clue to your character).

Coming back to the chart: Your Sun is in Virgo, which is natural for anything mental, strategic, involving the gathering and moving of information. You're terribly curious, able to respond in many different directions (with the weakness that it is harder for you to keep from distraction). Your Mercury is closely opposite Saturn, which at first can seem to block or slow your learning because Mercury-Saturn has to find and order and structure in information: After doing that, Mercury-Saturn learns very rapidly and has great mental power. (Literally an Einstein: Einstein and several other great minds had close Mercury-Saturn aspects like yours: It's all about establishing the framework for information first. Think of it like setting up an Excel spreadsheet: The hard, slow work is setting it up in the first place, after which any addition or changing of data is nearly instantaneous.) Overall, your Mercury aspects show the ability to work quite hard and creatively.

Another technically-inclined aspect is Moon opposite Uranus (very close, only 0°09' wide). This repeats the quickness of mind and extreme curiosity (as well as the tendency to distraction as you jump from one fascinating thing to another). You get bored too easily, and you're personality can't handle boredom well, I think.

So you have a lot going for you in that area. However, as you correctly assessed, you don't have discipline, focus, "earthy" skills. I think you would rather stay in your head with fascinating ideas than actually do something. Saturn, which represents survival skills and hands-on practical management, is one of your weakest planets. You're just going to have to dig down and find something that fascinates you enough that you're willing to work at it for a long time.

You have enough charm and grace (Sun conjunct Venus, Moon in Cancer) that you can work around people and even in a service area. What are your interests and options? For example, this mix of traits could do well in the hospitality industry, eventually as a concierge or similar hospitality + information resource, or in many areas of business that combine these traits: there are dozens I haven't mentioned.

In summary, my first impression is you need four things:
1. Acquiring and communicating information.
2. Something that won;t bore you, that will have constant changing places to focus.
3. Working with people perhaps in service, but not overly close (you thrive better in your own head)
4. Something that inspires you - that is consistent with your real desires

Also, you are only 20 years old. As I remember well, 20-year-olds don;t like being told they are only 20, but I assure you it's a condition you can age out of . You don't have to find your one-and-only life direction yet, and the next ten years will give you the chance to learn much about how you relate to life. (In another year or so, when transiting Uranus squares your natal Moon-Uranus, a whole world of fascinating discovery lies open to you.)

Meanwhile, hopefully this will be of some use to you. (I'll add some further summary notes on your horoscope a little later if time allows.)

[Jim Eshelman]

Some highlights...

MOON
Moon in Cancer: Strongly driven by feelings (close to surface, comfortably expressed; sometimes overwhelm). When feeling safe: tender, gentle, humane, openly sensitive; otherwise moody, cocky arrogance. Expressive actor, yet treasures privacy. Magnetic, draws (requires) affection & appreciation, warm. Generous, hospitable. Sympathetic listening; trusted. Exudes optimism, confidence. Better serving than leading. Thrives within imagination & fantasy.

Moon opposite Uranus (0°09'): A specie of genius (intellectually rebellious, roving, curious, investigative) is bursting to express itself – not wholly comfortable accepting outside guidance, often wondering why others don’t recognize its nature. Inquisitive, original, futuristic, seeking novelty & needing variety (“will try anything twice”). Free-spirited: psychologically lives outside of convention; but subject to tensions and stiffness from emotional stress.

SUN
Sun in Virgo: Strategic, tactical, analytical, logical, scrutinizing. Favors trees over forest. Encyclopedic knowledge. Innocent air, modest. Tolerant, tactful, congenial, serious. Courageous in word & deed. Service-minded, conscientious, efficient. Principle over convenience. Active toward social progress (rarely radical).

Sun conjunct Venus (4°10'): Charming, gentle, fine companions. Keen sense of friendship and natural affection. Graceful. Marked aesthetic appreciation (if not artistic talents). Most comfortable in marriage or similar relationship. (A little vain?)

Sun octile Pluto (0°46’): “Law unto themselves.” No respect for arbitrary expectations. Antiauthoritarian, needs to be free from arbitrary, incompetent control. Comfortable as outsider; often seems aloof, unresponsive, but rarely harsh. Usually kind, “live and let live.”

Sun octile Mars (1°30’): Action, drive, accomplishment, courage. Restless, forthright, (perhaps hasty, impatient, temperamental). Physical aggression, strong sexual needs. Industrious, instinctive leader.

MARS
Mars in Leo: Strong, courageous, decisive, self-confident; chutzpah. Upbeat energy. Pragmatic idealist. Leap in to help (whatever is needed); takes charge as needed (autocratic?). Observant, knows what’s going on, reads situations well. Sexually ardent, bold, forthright (often, but not always, the aggressor).

Mars square Pluto (2°16'): Normally well-mannered, congenial, even docile behavior sits atop a stockpile of explosive force. It may be (1) suppressed, blocked personal power, (2) owned, disciplined, available personal power, or (3) pathologized, brutal, destructive power. (Health in this is reflected in how freely appropriate anger is expressed.) This enormous force (especially physical force) must be expressed somehow, e.g., (1) directly, (2) attracting violence, or (3) eruptive health crises. Vulnerable to burnout. Sensitive to pressure or coercion; pot-stirrers, resistant to outside control, defiant of arbitrary restrictions; willing to live “outside the norm” on social patterning. In a productive, on-track life: a mark of genius and distinctive creativity, acutely alive with a quiet energy; the others are trouble, can’t seem to avoid breaking or upsetting something.

MERCURY
Mercury opposite Saturn (2°02'): Organizes and formats information in orderly arrangements. (Often blazingly quick thinkers once the framework is established.) Methodical, logical, often routinized thinking processes. Skeptical, scrutinizing (distrustful). Obstinate in the absence of new evidence. Hesitant until oriented, then decisive, e.g., learning starts slowly, then catch up quickly. Gifted with considerable mental power, but easily discouraged (doubting). Treats life seriously. Needs to learn how to play.

Mercury sextile Mars (0°59'): Quite a charmer with wit & edgy humor. Mind is quick, creative, strategic, opinionated. Independent thinker, enjoys argument, critical, nervous.

Mercury octile Jupiter (1°44’): Loves ideas & learning. Comfortable with words. Well-formed speech infers a good education. Good-tempered, kind; may seem shallow. Optimistic fervent thinking. Good business potential (from luck more than skill?). Always looking for the next opportunity or break.

OUTER PLANETS
Saturn square Neptune (1°33’): Bridges the practical & material with the idealistic & immaterial. (Most bridge it well.) Can render a vision concrete and believable, make something solid from an idea (creativity realized, plans executed; visual or music artist, counselor, problem solver). Frequently indifferent to material security. Devotion, loyalty (possible intrigue, deception, suspicion, betrayal). Many withdraw, enter seclusion, asylum, exile. Chronic (disabling?) physical or psychological afflictions (can include dark, troubled states, depression, disappointment, distrust, struggling with demons).

Uranus sextile Pluto (2°36’): Feels unbound by convention or authority; will challenge or dismiss them. Seeks new ideas, new ways, more options. Strong opinions; easily provoked to share them. Restless, impatient, frustrated (angry). In youth, often seems without direction (this usually resolves with maturity).

[Jim Eshelman]

hi, the main reason i post here is because i dont know what should i do in life to earn some kind of income and id like to hear some insight. you see, i finished 2 years of technical school (or whatever its called) but didnt graduate, since then i was trying to figure out what to do next and tried to follow a dream but i guess i have to do something else cause it didnt worked out how i initially planned
im searching through available jobs but i feel like there is nothing for me, i lack a lot of "earthy" skills and overall its difficult for me to function in this reality. im getting lost in thoughts easily, daydream, spend most of the time in mental realm, i need constant stimulation or else im instantly "not here" so its hard for me to perform any action that doesnt spark my interest. i feel like i need to do something unique that im passionate about but i dont know what it could be

primarly id like to hear about my career/vocation options but i appreciate every information

according to my birth certificate i was born 14 october 1998 at 2:10am in chrzanów, poland (lesser poland voivodeship)

I see you edited your original post today, so I'm reposting it here at the bottom for response.

[Jim Eshelman]

hi, the main reason i post here is because i dont know what should i do in life to earn some kind of income and id like to hear some insight. you see, i finished 2 years of technical school (or whatever its called) but didnt graduate, since then i was trying to figure out what to do next and tried to follow a dream but i guess i have to do something else cause it didnt worked out how i initially planned
im searching through available jobs but i feel like there is nothing for me, i lack a lot of "earthy" skills and overall its difficult for me to function in this reality. im getting lost in thoughts easily, daydream, spend most of the time in mental realm, i need constant stimulation or else im instantly "not here" so its hard for me to perform any action that doesnt spark my interest. i feel like i need to do something unique that im passionate about but i dont know what it could be

Yes, it does seem easy for you to get caught in woolgathering, mind-wandering. You are Virgo-Cancer, someone who easily lives in the mind and response to fantasies and possibilities, with Moon-Uranus likely making you restless, wandering.

I think one of your great strengths is something that has been tripping you up a bit: You are so very curious that you jump from one thing to the other, excited by what is new and fascinating. These traits have many great applications but, so far, has kept you from focusing and applying yourself. (Your Saturn is quite weak.)

At a first glance, what popped into my mind is that you are natural for the service industries, anything that has you helping others and furthering their purposes. You have natural grace, the ability to respond well to others, imagination, and resourcefulness, and would do well when new tasks, problems, and challenges were presented to you rather than the same work to do the same way every day.

But before going further... what are you really interested in? What are your aptitudes, what skills did you get in your training, and what do you want to do with your life?

[sfmlr]

well, actually i wanted to delete it but looks like my plan is in ruins now

[sfmlr]

ehh...i feel like the more people around me the more my personality weakens and the more nervous i feel (especially if theyre somehow dependent on me, if im just passing them as a stranger who has no desire to interact then im fine) so i dont know about any kind of social work. i feel the most comfortable when im alone.
and overall i feel like life didnt teach me much how to live and do well in this world, so i have doubts about everything.
im rather kind and well-mannered, sure, but interacting with people drains me and id prefer to avoid them if possible.
and well, im not sure what i want to do with my life, thats the problem. my wordly desires are rather scarce. main two themes/interests of my life was seeking the higher truth in life and video games. i remember that since very early age i was thinking and questioning religious belief i was born in, started reading bible by my own decision in elementary school but certainly had very different ideas about its meaning already. i was rebelling against the way my parents wanted me to live entire non-adult life. alien, mysticism, paranormal etc. caught my interests pretty quickly. fast forward to now, im still seeking but i focus moreso on spiritual texts (just finished autobiography of a yogi, reading bhagawadgita). interested in astrology too for some time but im often frustrated and confused because there is so many contrary opinions and basically everyone does astrology in a different way (ayanamsas are probably biggest point of confusion).
and between my searches for truth i was playing video games which i was always hella good at if i committed to a specific game title. obsessive researching and thinking about something that has my interest is certainly quite strong in me but the thing is - most of the things in this wrld dont have my interest and i just cant force myself to study them.
if i had my own room and computer id probably do live video games streaming and in the time that is left read about my other interests but i have none of that and its hard for me to find a job so im kinda stuck zzz
not to mention this coronavirus thing which makes looking for job even harder

[Jim Eshelman]

Yes, the pandemic makes this all quite difficult. Probably not the best week to look for a job.

It does sound very much like you don't really want to be in the world or connected to it. Aa long as you were born into a body, though, you're meant to be here, and you are here, so you're right - you have to figure out what to do with your decades on this planet.

One choice, of course, is to get just any old job you can to pay some bills and minimally support yourself, then really devote your life to your internal pursuits. Another approach is to decide that, since you were born into this body, you in fact of something important to accomplish - and set out to find it and hurl yourself into it.

The degree to which you say you are uncomfortable with other people does not fit your chart. Yes, Virgo can be a little withdrawn and wanting time to prioritize personal interests;but Virgo, while not really social, is quite sociable, interacts smoothly with people, needs folks around for engagement. Yes, your Cancer Moon can be sensitive and feel vulnerable, but it typically very much wants connection with people (at least a certain percentage of the time). Finally, your Sun-Venus conjunction normally would make it difficult for you not to be sociable. Most of the usual markers with withdrawal are absent from your chart.

If one gives some weight to houses, then the 12th house Moon does tend to be a bit of a hermit. In fact, the typical interpretation of a 12th house Moon matches how you are presenting yourself, including a somewhat drifting, passive or defeatist attitude. It is as if you had some very significant early life experience (an event) that made you distrusting or afraid of others and drove you inside yourself, seeking protection.

Since you asked for opinions, I will give one: This, that you describe, isn't your authentic self. It's some reaction or response to some circumstances of the past. At 21, you aren't expected to have everything figured out, but one generally would be ready to dive into the world and see what living is about (especially someone with a rising Mars in Leo, which you have).

Transiting Mars (joined with Saturn in space) is crossing your Neptune today and about to square your Saturn. This will be a rough week with a lot of your illusions challenged or confronted. It might be a time of areal breakthrough, or just one of struggle. It won't be fun for about a week, but had periods like this at least once a year for all of your life.

Transiting Neptune conjoins your Jupiter quite exactly. This is normally a time of high hopes and optimism when operating at its best, but also a stronger desire to be accepted by others and a love of drama, ritual, and philosophy. Lots of stuff bubbling around. I think the main point is that this major Neptune transit and this major Mars-Saturn transit are going to require a lot of soul-searching for the next week, a lot of distinguishing hard material responsibilities life and survival from the realities you forge inside your mind. Its a good time to dream AND not a good time to expect those dreams to come immediately true. I think connection and conversation are really important to you this week.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Whether you like it or not, you need money to live on, and money to put away to live on when you get old and can't or aren't allowed to work.

Have you considered working on-line, maybe maintaining databases or writing games or something? You don't have to invent something like facebook. You can work for something like facebook. You might want to look into that.

I'm an introvert. When I lived at home with my family it was torture to have to interact with people at work or school, and at home, but as soon as I was able to get my own place, it got a lot easier. I need people-free space to recharge, and would happily hermit myself away, but I can tolerate being around other people if I know I can go home, and I can even enjoy being around other people for short periods of time.

[sfmlr]

The degree to which you say you are uncomfortable with other people does not fit your chart. Yes, Virgo can be a little withdrawn and wanting time to prioritize personal interests;but Virgo, while not really social, is quite sociable, interacts smoothly with people, needs folks around for engagement. Yes, your Cancer Moon can be sensitive and feel vulnerable, but it typically very much wants connection with people (at least a certain percentage of the time). Finally, your Sun-Venus conjunction normally would make it difficult for you not to be sociable. Most of the usual markers with withdrawal are absent from your chart.

If one gives some weight to houses, then the 12th house Moon does tend to be a bit of a hermit. In fact, the typical interpretation of a 12th house Moon matches how you are presenting yourself, including a somewhat drifting, passive or defeatist attitude. It is as if you had some very significant early life experience (an event) that made you distrusting or afraid of others and drove you inside yourself, seeking protection.

Since you asked for opinions, I will give one: This, that you describe, isn't your authentic self. It's some reaction or response to some circumstances of the past. At 21, you aren't expected to have everything figured out, but one generally would be ready to dive into the world and see what living is about (especially someone with a rising Mars in Leo, which you have).

yeaa, my environment growing up mightve influenced me more id like to admit. i think its fair to say that my mom is overprotective and installed lots of restrictive and conservative values in me early. even now theres huge amount of fears within her as her own chidhood was tough from what ive heard. as for my dad in shortest terms id describe him sadly as weak, not really present in my and my sister's life and self-absorbed to an unhealthy level. his mom though, raised him with such overwhelming love and care that even at age of 50 he is still like - not even a child - a baby but with developed ego. i believe he is also insane to some extent. i dont want to go too deep, i feel like already ive said too much but to conclude my role model figures wasnt so great.

as a kid i was so wild and free, running outside with other children from 9am to 7pm or whatever but so many of them moved out to other city or country its actually funny when i think of it now. as time passed by many contacts were lost.

in elementary school i had 2 best friends living nearby. we were playing with each other everyday. but there was a point when i started noticing some suspicious change in behaviour in them as if they were scheming behind my back or something and not too long after there was a seemingly small and stupid event where we got into a fight (which wasnt uncommon as we used to often check each other's strength in some kind of close combat) and as a result we did never exchange a word ever after. i never fully understood that situation, it was so weird, even shocking for me.
and if i recall, dozens of my friendships ended this abruptly although they usually had an external factor going on that i could do nothing about.

but looking back im grateful that many of them ended as their interests were too quickly transforming from playing football and exploring wilderness to smoking, alcohol, sex, drugs and their communication seemed to be substituted by exclusively curse words. but i was never like them, didnt fit in, yet only these kind of people were available around...
but i dont blame those kids, all of them had fcked up parents, in truth i feel like finding a healthy individual where i live would be an absolute miracle. so many parents were raised by sick people and theyre now continuing to raise another sick generation, cycle repeats itself, abused becomes the abuser.

and even now when i look at random social media or overhear people's of my age discussions - i just cannot relate to them, their pursuits and life focus often disgusts me
so being separated from all of them and their toxic ways of spending the time is a blessing in a way

then when it comes to my family, in theory everything was fine, yet at every family gathering there were always some stupid comments and ridicule directed towards me. reason usually was i liked to play video games (give any kid a phone, computer or tv and watch him be completely enthralled). and the thing is i was allowed to play games very little whereas all my friends and cousins very playing for hours. i was so pssed about this. my mom was making the situation even worse continuously. so i was like - ok if thats what our interactions will be always based on, maybe it is better if we dont interact at all. i know it seems petty but slowly it started getting into me.

also the more older i grew the more my interests went into the other world, i felt like there is nothing i can talk with anyone i knew about. my entire worldview was so extremely different than everyone else's that i just couldnt relate to other human beings. and i was tired of constantly having to defend and explain my views and opinions and why i am the way i am.

so as a result of my experiences i turned away from everyone basically, or people turned away from me. parents failed, family failed, friends failed.
subconsciously i probably decided "screw you all, let me go inside because outside, whenever i look, there is something i dont want to experience".
lots of work and confidence building in order to rescue that long lost social part of myself...

and i feel like it was fated for me to have this conversation. yesterday i suddenly i reminded myself that i posted my birthday here some time ago and im thinking "maybe i shouldnt leave my data in the internet" so im logging in hoping to just delete everything in few seconds and be gone but instead you react almost instantly and draw me into talking about myself...

(btw im writing on a phone that has some technical issues so it is likely that i wont reply quickly)

also isnt sun combust venus making all relationships frustrating?
im asking because there are many schools of thought interpreting this from what ive seen. some say its horrible for all kind of relationships, some say relationships need to be sacrifaced in order to follow individualistic pursuits, some say the opposite - that the sun magnifies/brightens qualities of venus. you say its rather positive?

Whether you like it or not, you need money to live on, and money to put away to live on when you get old and can't or aren't allowed to work.

Have you considered working on-line, maybe maintaining databases or writing games or something? You don't have to invent something like facebook. You can work for something like facebook. You might want to look into that.

i understand that i need money to live, i just dont have ideas how to make it right now

im not really into programming or any similar stuff. was never obsessed about technology, just competing in video games. honestly i was looking and trying out few things when i had pc like i started writing articles for some website but the pay was very low and the website kinda died not too long after i joined. i was thinking about going pro although this lifestyle doesnt fit me completely so hesitated. live streaming seemed like a perfect thing for me but my environment just didnt allowed me to do it. tried few other things as well but for a while now i dont even have a pc, just this old phone so i feel so limited.
as i spent most of my time on e-sport and reading about the other world this is mainly what i know and form my ideas around. when it comes to jobs im rather clueless.

but its not like im in a desperate situation, my parents provide me with necessary needs for now. i just wish to move forward somehow...

[Jim Eshelman]

also isnt sun combust venus making all relationships frustrating?
im asking because there are many schools of thought interpreting this from what ive seen. some say its horrible for all kind of relationships, some say relationships need to be sacrifaced in order to follow individualistic pursuits, some say the opposite - that the sun magnifies/brightens qualities of venus. you say its rather positive?

The old idea of via combusta - a planet conjunct Sun being "burned up" or damaged from being "too close to the Sun" - doesn't hold up on investigation. Instead, close conjunctions with Sun act the way you would expect aspects to work in any other situation: The planet conjunct Sun becomes closely associated with Sun and, thus, with our sense of identity. Usually, if a planet is in strong aspect to Sun (and perhaps even more so with the conjunction), I can take the sentence, "I am..." and end it with descriptions of the planets forming the conjunction.

Since you only angular planet is your rising Mars, you also have some traits opposite Venus - for example, you are competitive and like to prove yourself strong, which is possibly your interest in games. But with that is Sun conjunct Venus which - overall, and subject to balancing other details in the chart - usually creates a character that is charming, gentle, a fine companions, with a keen sense of friendship, naturally affectionate, with a marked aesthetic appreciation. It has flaws, but people tend to consider them slight flaws, e.g., vanity and too much softness at times.

Some examples of famous people with Sun closely conjunct Venus: former Vice President Joe Biden (who has it rising), Ted Turner, former Speaker Paul Ryan, Alexander the Great, Emperor Charlamagne, PM Boris Johnson, Sir George Martin, Robert Downey Jr., David Schwimmer, Mark Harmon, Louis Pasteur, with only the occasional difficult life like Rodney King or the (even rarer) malevolence of Charles Manson (who at least was credited with being magnetic and charming). Women get off even better, with quite a string of remarkable (and generally quite gorgeous) women like Helen Gurley Brown, Oprah Winfrey, Marie Antoinette, Ann-Margaret, Dolly Parton, and Jayne Mansfield. (There is additional strength given to Sun-Venus types who identify openly with their feminine side.)

[sfmlr]

The old idea of via combusta - a planet conjunct Sun being "burned up" or damaged from being "too close to the Sun" - doesn't hold up on investigation. Instead, close conjunctions with Sun act the way you would expect aspects to work in any other situation: The planet conjunct Sun becomes closely associated with Sun and, thus, with our sense of identity. Usually, if a planet is in strong aspect to Sun (and perhaps even more so with the conjunction), I can take the sentence, "I am..." and end it with descriptions of the planets forming the conjunction.

ok that makes sense, thank you for explaining

Since you only angular planet is your rising Mars, you also have some traits opposite Venus - for example, you are competitive and like to prove yourself strong, which is possibly your interest in games. But with that is Sun conjunct Venus which - overall, and subject to balancing other details in the chart - usually creates a character that is charming, gentle, a fine companions, with a keen sense of friendship, naturally affectionate, with a marked aesthetic appreciation. It has flaws, but people tend to consider them slight flaws, e.g., vanity and too much softness at times.

just wanted to add that i also have north node even closer to the ascendant than mars. i dont know if youre giving any significance to it but in vedic astrology for example they give a strong emphasis on rahu - ketu axis

i was never a typical masculine man, there is certainly a more feminine side to me but currently these traits doesnt dominate my life and i have like zero relationships to verify my supposedly charming personality right now so i cant relate to it fully

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Since you only angular planet is your rising Mars,

just wanted to add that i also have north node even closer to the ascendant than mars. i dont know if youre giving any significance to it but in vedic astrology for example they give a strong emphasis on rahu - ketu axis

This isn't vedic astrology.
Jim just posted his views about the Moon's nodes in this post: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3957&p=30020

[Jim Eshelman]

As JSAD said, we don't regard the nodes the same, though it might be of some interest in your case. (In general, I find the Moon's nodes rarely give enough to be worth including them, but they are valid, though weaker.)

The nodes relate to connection and association. In your case, that is actually one of the active issues you wanted to talk about. You have Caput (North Node) at 5°33' Leo conjunct Mars and (even closer) trine Saturn. While your chart more conventionally doesn't show a loner's temperament, the Node, as "connection," aspecting two malefic planets would mean difficulties in associating with others.

I'm still not sure this is a big factor. Your isolation feels to me (when you talk about it) like extreme vulnerability and responding strongly to some kinds of sensation or stimulus in your environment, perhaps sensitivity on a psychic level to too much input etc. Also, these nodal effects aren't usually that severe, e.g., I have an exact Node-Saturn sextile and while, yes, I am not as crazy about hanging around other people as you might expect from my Venus and Jupiter aspects, I still have friends, coworkers, have founding two associations of large groups of people and presided over others.

Nonetheless, with Node rising conjunct Mars, we expect you to have primarily martial relationships (e.g., competitive or conflicting) and/or to feel martial about connections and associations. Some examples Reinhold Ebertin gives of this is "disharmonious collaboration, the desire to quarrel, a lack of good fellowship," tending to arise from a lack of adaptability, On the other hand, it can support comrade-in-arms types of "battle buddies" friendships, team spirit, physical connections of various kinds, etc. - Adding the Saturn trine (a weaker type of aspect, but very close at 0°35') tips this ore to the negative a bit more.

So that might be something to consider.

[sfmlr]

hmm ok.. so.. if you had my chart what would you do?

there are some things that are affecting my mind and senses on a daily basis for many years so i probably grew extremely vulnerable and oversensitive indeed

[Jim Eshelman]

hmm ok.. so.. if you had my chart what would you do?

there are some things that are affecting my mind and senses on a daily basis for many years so i probably grew extremely vulnerable and oversensitive indeed

There are all kinds of things to do. Some of this BTW may be outright medical (either in a brain chemistry sense or other medical condition).

Some suggestions (not to take the place of medical advice you may pursue):

First, maximize your health. Rest, excellent diet, exercise if so inclined, getting your metabolism and general energy system cranked up. If you haven't had a general medical checkup, get one when you can (maybe right now isn't the time with medical resources overwhelmed, but soon if you can). I'm not the kind of person overly inclined to exercise myself, but it's well-established that the same exercises that burn calories and tone the body also raise the general psychological energy and strengthen mental health.

Second, if you are drawn to energy work, magick, aura work, whatever - apply practices you may know to fortify yourself and smooth your energies.

Third (once physical distancing is eased), find your tolerance level for social contact. (While physical distancing is being practiced, you may want to practice this in social media that doesn't require actually being around people.) Practice engagement, watch where your energy lapses or gets blocked. Look both at how much is comfortable and also what kinds of things are comfortable.

Fourth, consider some formal counselling. There are trained professionals that give help you sort out your perspectives on various topics. It sounds like you could use somebody to listen to you and provide an objective view.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Fourth, consider some formal counselling. There are trained professionals that give help you sort out your perspectives on various topics. It sounds like you could use somebody to listen to you and provide an objective view.

Seconded. No internet site can substitute for a counselor or therapist. There are apparently a lot of facets to your story that involve other people and an internet site isn't usually the right place to go into enough detail to help you work through things. I think a lot of what you need to work on isn't astrologically based and a regular counselor would do you as much good.

[sfmlr]

im not saying that i wont do what youre proposing, just wanted to share some initial thoughts
when i was younger i was constantly ill, many times hospitalized. i was visiting different doctors, doing different medical examinations, taking their medicaments yet wasnt getting healthier a tiny bit. after home and school, medical institutions was probably my most visited place. i experienced on my own how effective is their expertise. youll understand if i express my lack of faith in their ability to help people, hm?
how many times you or your relatives went on some examination just to hear that everything's fine yet you constantly suffer due to some health problems? well, i saw this particular scenario countless of times.
im currently of opinion that their job is not to heal people but to keep them sick as there is zero profit for the big pharma if the society is healthy.
since i decided to remove everything ive been told to believe in from my life (including official medicine) im very rarely sick, once a year or two probably. but little social contact plays a big part in this most likely.

maybe my current state isnt as bad as i painted it. im just lost in life, have no money and some level of social anxiety.
and im just salty because i feel like im a product of someone else's incompetency.

at age of 17 my mom took me to few psychologists or psychiatrists. these meetings were so lackluster that i barely remember anything from them. i was usually told that im fine. my mom remembered just one thing, that one psychologist said "conversations with your son are on a very high level of abstraction" but even he said that he doesnt see anything wrong with me. i suspect that if my parents went to psychologist instead verdict would be different.

im aware of the importance of sleep, healthy eating and physical activity. as long as i live where i live though rest will always be impacted by external factors. in recent years i changed my diet noticeably so i think im fine when it comes to that. but i could use more physical activity and fresh air for sure so ill focus on that at least. in truth i feel the nearby forests calling me for a while now.

[sotonye]

ehh...i feel like the more people around me the more my personality weakens and the more nervous i feel (especially if theyre somehow dependent on me, if im just passing them as a stranger who has no desire to interact then im fine) so i dont know about any kind of social work. i feel the most comfortable when im alone.
and overall i feel like life didnt teach me much how to live and do well in this world, so i have doubts about everything.
im rather kind and well-mannered, sure, but interacting with people drains me and id prefer to avoid them if possible.
and well, im not sure what i want to do with my life, thats the problem. my wordly desires are rather scarce. main two themes/interests of my life was seeking the higher truth in life and video games. i remember that since very early age i was thinking and questioning religious belief i was born in, started reading bible by my own decision in elementary school but certainly had very different ideas about its meaning already. i was rebelling against the way my parents wanted me to live entire non-adult life. alien, mysticism, paranormal etc. caught my interests pretty quickly.

Haven’t checked the chart out but this is the most distinctly Plutonian thing I’ve read on this site, this hit my Pluto so hard I can’t even believe it

[sotonye]

Most of the usual markers with withdrawal are absent from your chart.

Just plugged the data in, this young fellow has both luminaries aspected by Pluto, how is the above true?

[Jim Eshelman]

Most of the usual markers with withdrawal are absent from your chart.

Just plugged the data in, this young fellow has both luminaries aspected by Pluto, how is the above true?

Sun-Pluto would contribute some, of course. Moon-Pluto is a passive aspect so I don't give it much weight (though you are correct that the doubling up on luminary aspects is worth a note).

I guess, primarily, I'm too inclined to lay this big of a life-pattern on a semi-square. Pluto is middleground, Saturn is background, etc. The really important Pluto influence is the close square to the rising Mars (and Sun semi-squares both Mars and Pluto closely, i.e., it primarily activates and intensifies Mars-Pluto.

But under the circumstances, you're probably right to give it more importance despite the usually connecting Cancer Moon plus the Sun-Venus conjunction.

His self-description doesn't feel primarily Plutonian to me. It feels like his Cancer Moon is so acutely sensitive to the psychic and physical impressions of people around him that he recoils and retreats from them in overwhelm.

[sotonye]

Most of the usual markers with withdrawal are absent from your chart.

Just plugged the data in, this young fellow has both luminaries aspected by Pluto, how is the above true?

Sun-Pluto would contribute some, of course. Moon-Pluto is a passive aspect so I don't give it much weight (though you are correct that the doubling up on luminary aspects is worth a note).

I guess, primarily, I'm too inclined to lay this big of a life-pattern on a semi-square. Pluto is middleground, Saturn is background, etc. The really important Pluto influence is the close square to the rising Mars (and Sun semi-squares both Mars and Pluto closely, i.e., it primarily activates and intensifies Mars-Pluto.

But under the circumstances, you're probably right to give it more importance despite the usually connecting Cancer Moon plus the Sun-Venus conjunction.

His self-description doesn't feel primarily Plutonian to me. It feels like his Cancer Moon is so acutely sensitive to the psychic and physical impressions of people around him that he recoils and retreats from them in overwhelm.

This response might seem casual and simple but it suggests years of serious investigation into these matters, I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to stretch my mind this far in my interpretations but I know it’s just a long held skill. Would not have guessed to think of the cancer Moon being a cause but after really considering it there is a kind of weird social thing about cancer men, I don’t know how to describe it, maybe it’s an excess in tactfulness, knowing full well what others want and not wanting to give it to them because that isn’t exactly what they want, I don’t know

[sotonye]

The cancers I know would rather spend time with pets than people, I don’t really understand it

[Jim Eshelman]

This response might seem casual and simple but it suggests years of serious investigation into these matters, I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to stretch my mind this far in my interpretations but I know it’s just a long held skill. Would not have guessed to think of the cancer Moon being a cause but after really considering it there is a kind of weird social thing about cancer men, I don’t know how to describe it, maybe it’s an excess in tactfulness, knowing full well what others want and not wanting to give it to them because that isn’t exactly what they want, I don’t know

I wonder if the word you're seeking is "habit."

The Cancer Moon factor - unusual here in its extreme, but still highly typical - is extreme sensitivity. This doesn't at all feel to me like a choice of isolation except in response to recurring stimulus of overwhelm or pain.

My summary paragraph on Cancer Moon begins, "Strongly driven by feelings (close to surface, comfortably expressed; sometimes overwhelm)." They simply feel things more strongly than most other people. This is even harder for men who are taught to feel less, and can wobble the intellect a fair bit in those cases. (For example, it may go together something like this: Imagine someone who is especially intellect-identified from the Virgo Sun, impelled to be competitive and "live from his balls" from a rising Mars in Leo closely squared Pluto, taught be parents and society in general not to be too sensitive, empathic, and otherwise "feminine" leaning, who nonetheless feels things with enormous sensitivity, near-telepathy levels of natural empathy. The usual survival mechanism is going to be to try to shut all that down and avoid contexts that recreate the problem. Since the Sun-sign thrives in intellect and the Moon-sign thrives in fantasy and imagination, these probably provide the solutions. Or something like that.)

More complete Moon in Cancer here:
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34#p145

In fact, as so often happens, social gender expectations may be a very large factor here. Any time one sees strong "female" characteristics in a male chart in today's world, more or less the first question to ask oneself is what the real formative environment messages are/were about gender identity. Any man with gender-flexible characteristics today is at risk of being derailed for a while (until he has enough time away from the formative environment to frame all of his own ideas about himself). In this case, Sun is in the androgynous constellation of The Maiden and conjunct Venus, with Moon in Cancer. That's more "feminine" than modern society tends to tolerate in a man. Add the fact that his only foreground planet is Mars in Leo, closely square Pluto (both centered on Sun) and there are concurrent "I must be a real man!" voices also powerful in the psyche. At 20, one isn't expected to have all this sorted out.

Nothing derails a person more than messages that he or she is "supposed" to be something other than his or her true, natural self. (This is one of the first rules I teach in natal astrology.) Much of the behavior then comes not from specific chart factors but from the condition of "living always at odds with who one really is."

Since I can't see him in person, can't make a real assessment, can't put all of this in full context of the real person... I felt it most important to encourage him to sit with a skilled professional who can do all those things.

[sfmlr]

well i was told quite early that im allergic to animal fur so never had a pet. now neither can i interact with humans nor pets.

and what about asteroids? do you guys consider it or nah? i think i have chiron near IC and mercury close to lilith but i dont know what calculations youre using so you might not see it

Since I can't see him in person, can't make a real assessment, can't put all of this in full context of the real person...

you say that you cant make a real assessment, yet since the discussion started i feel like you are reading, and have some kind of telepathic insight into my mind
lots of wisdom too and great way with words for which i wanted to express my gratitude and respect

[Jim Eshelman]

and what about asteroids? do you guys consider it or nah? i think i have chiron near IC and mercury close to lilith but i dont know what calculations youre using so you might not see it

Whatever effects asteroids have are quite weak. I do think they have some importance, but not close to the same scale as the planets. (For example, we have been watching when the main asteroids turn stationary - stop in space to go retrograde or direct - aspecting a natal planet. For a planet, this would be the most powerful kind of transit with a strong effect about the day of the station. For the asteroids, most of the time no effect has been evident; the rest of the time, any seeming effect has been unsure.)

you say that you cant make a real assessment, yet since the discussion started i feel like you are reading, and have some kind of telepathic insight into my mind
lots of wisdom too and great way with words for which i wanted to express my gratitude and respect

You are welcome, and this, of course, is gratifying to hear. I just wanted to acknowledge the limits of what I can do.

Any insight isn't from mind-reading - it's because astrology works and we know how to use it This can be taught and learned! It is an objective, real effect.

[sfmlr]

apparently my ability to send private messages has been turned off on this site and i dont see any other way to discuss it than posting here
i shared a video with a tiny few people via pm. shared once, i dont see it as a harassment. you decide whether you watch it or not
kinda funny when you think of what the video was about and what reaction sharing it receives

[Jim Eshelman]

apparently my ability to send private messages has been turned off on this site and i dont see any other way to discuss it than posting here
i shared a video with a tiny few people via pm. shared once, i dont see it as a harassment. you decide whether you watch it or not
kinda funny when you think of what the video was about and what reaction sharing it receives

Yes, you were abusing it by spamming people with PMs that had nothing to do with the purposes of this site. If it isn't about astrology (and especially Sidereal astrology), it doesn't belong here.

We do have a separate area of the forum (inside the "Many Things" area) called Club Aldebaran that is a more social and isn't concerned about whether the discussion is related to astrology. Posts there (like chit-chat at a coffee shop) expire and disappear once people stop paying attention to them.

[sfmlr]

Yes, you were abusing it by spamming people with PMs that had nothing to do with the purposes of this site. If it isn't about astrology (and especially Sidereal astrology), it doesn't belong here.

We do have a separate area of the forum (inside the "Many Things" area) called Club Aldebaran that is a more social and isn't concerned about whether the discussion is related to astrology. Posts there (like chit-chat at a coffee shop) expire and disappear once people stop paying attention to them.

i didnt know about that club so pms was the most obvious way for me to share something. i thought as its unrelated to astrology i shouldnt create a topic for it here.
my intentions wasnt ill and i wrote not many words. you could read it, disagree and ignore if you wanted. instead you choose to suspend me without warning which seems strange to me but whatever

[Jim Eshelman]

I didn't suspend you. I put you back in the the same state as new members of the forum who have to have their first few posts approved before they are visible and don't have all privileges, e.g., no PMs. (I think you also can't see Club Aldebaran in this mode.)

Since we are having this conversation, I'll take you out of the New Member category and you'll see the other options return. Please don't spam people.

[UmeFlower]

Hey I wanted to contribute since I've frequently felt similar. (Also, this Covid time is certainly an internet / blog / chat-room inducing time!)
Much of what you wrote reminds me of the Myers Brigg type INFP. I may wear rose-colored glasses, and see others as sharing similarities to myself, as a heads-up. That aside, though, some of what I've found regarding this more sensitive introverted personality type is that finding a valuable career (in terms of meaning / purpose and authenticity) is paramount. Many sites encourage INFPs (if you even are one, granted), to work for themselves. Here's a resource: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_wyGY ... PGNFkEYYsw

Something else that sticks out to me is (forgive me, Jim, and Sidereal defenders!) your nodal axis... I've recently lived on my South node on my ascendant and north node on my Descendent (relocation astrology). For me, the experience puts a huge emphasis on other people, to the point of feeling drained. (later add in//Actually, what I really felt especially was that an older, irrelevant / non-helpful version of myself (south node) was overly visible to others (ascendant).) Vedic astrologers say that, until about age 30 / 35, even 40, the south node is where we're operating from... so it makes sense that "others" (the descendant) would be overly inflated in your experience, and where your feeling a spiritual / emotional need to shift your energy is toward your own self (ascendant north node).

*Sigh* I respect your desire not to have your info online!! So I apologize for bringing any extra attention to you. I just related to your post title -- I think a lot of people do -- one of my instincts from reading your posts is asking: have you ever thought of teaching what you've learned spiritually? Or healing people based on what you've learned? Another interesting insight (again, my apologies for offering contrary opinions to Sidereal/ Jim's statements) is in asteroids. Particularly Vesta, is supposed to show one's passions, in terms of sign and house (ahh I'm anticipating being mockingly teased) and also sign. (you can check this in astro.com). Another is supposedly Lilith (the actual asteroid, I believe is 1181), which represents one's original design by "the creator(s?)". Anyway, I'd recommend working with releasing negative emotions from the comments of others (in your past, and/or present environment) (you can envision shaking them off of your body and heart, and sending them into the center of the earth for (molten) transformation and burying, and noticing the lightness that you feel), and paying attention to how you spend your time ~ pay attention to what brings you joy and happiness ~ all of this "we need money to live" stuff, is true in the material world ~ yet at the same time I feel a conviction that the whole world is gradually shifting to where we understand that health and happiness are our birthright, and there are infinite needs in a community, and we can each occupy a "station" with which we resonate and feel content in order to live "with enough". I don't believe that evil is greater than goodness, and I think "buying in" to fear mentalities is just another way to give our power away. There are plenty of people at this very moment who would give you a room to live in in exchange for your brilliant mind or other basic skills (https://wwoofinternational.org, http://helpx.net).
That being said, it's never a good idea to run away from one's problems, because, as Swami Baba Muktananda said, your baggage will follow you. I'd definitely second others' comments that counseling is a great resource that people ought to take advantage of. You're never alone <3 (no matter how much you want to be ). And the exciting thing is you're going to get to show the world an entirely new you in your life with your north node on the ascendant. Just be patient with yourself (I feel you! I also have Mars conjunct ascendant - patience is not easy).

Just for fun, from a entertainment point of view, I'm going to throw out some other career ideas, based on more "entertainment" astrology knowledge I've gathered (Pleeeease don't kick me off of the blog, I like it too much!):

In numerology, your day number is a 5 (creative self expression) and your life path is a 6 (service to family / others / nurturing)

You might also enjoy Gene Keys (human design meets astrology): https://genekeys.com/free-profile/
which, from my perspective, is very "in-tune" with Mayan "galactic signatures"
https://lawoftime.org/decode/ find your kin number here
https://www.astrodreamadvisor.com search your kin number here for an in-depth description
I just now found these links for Mayan astrology, also kind of fun and potentially informative:
https://mymayansign.com/mayan-sign-calculator/ with career suggestions

I think another thing that's important to remember right now is that the entire world is in a state of flux and panic. As a water moon sign, and Venus conjunct sun, likely you're picking up psychically on everyone's stress. Just let it wash over and past you. Yet do remember that there's a great shift happening globally, and don't be afraid to stand your ground and maintain a positive space. I really feel the work you do for yourself will eventually benefit others.

In Esoteric astrology, your soul mission is your ascendant. Your Leo mantra is: "I am That and That am I"
https://esotericastrologer.org/newslett ... 1-eclipse/

<3

[sfmlr]

first of all thank you for your time and encouraging words.
ill go through the links you shared but itll take some time.
honestly ignore my comments on wanting to delete this post - its probably just my mother's paranoia about personal data speaking through me

its funny because this psychological profiles was what lead me to discover astrology. i was reading about infp and was like "o.m.g. that is so me". it felt fascinating to me that its possible to classify and describe humans so accurately so i started digging which eventually lead to astrology which offered probably the most detailed individualized interpretations

idk about healing, but in a way, i always wanted to teach. even when i was consumed by esport i always thought about sharing everything that ive learnt about the game with other people. and that included not only mechanics, strategies, tips and tricks but also discipline of practice, discipline of the mind, efficiency and thoughtfulness of taken actions, psychology of the players, their individualized responsibilities within the game (not everyone is going to have a "star" role in a match), how their ingame behaviour is potentially affected by their life events and circumstances and how our words affect not only their current morale but also their psycho-emotional state when they leave pc etc. i wanted to show the game from a more dharmic and compassionative point of view. something that i felt was absent from a young community.
but there was always something that prevented me from sharing this info. i think it mightve been perfectionism? i thought that being good, even great, at the game was not enough to teach it. i wanted to be a master, be the best i could be, but there was always something i could improve on so i never went public.
i still carry this feeling. i feel like i shouldnt teach people until im "complete" / "realized". there is a great responsibility with taking a position of a teacher and i feel like its unwise to do it when youre a student yourself.
so maybe in future, this one still has much to learn.

~ all of this "we need money to live" stuff, is true in the material world ~ yet at the same time I feel a conviction that the whole world is gradually shifting to where we understand that health and happiness are our birthright, and there are infinite needs in a community, and we can each occupy a "station" with which we resonate and feel content in order to live "with enough". I don't believe that evil is greater than goodness, and I think "buying in" to fear mentalities is just another way to give our power away.

yes, yes, yes, what you wrote resonates with me greatly

i didnt heard of vesta but noticed that its very tighly conjunct my moon and from what ive heard anything influencing moon is of great importance. ive read a bit about vesta and from what i understood it carries a mixture of virgo/scorpio energy and vesta conjunct luminaries supposedly shows "sexual purity"? hmm, i could see it making some sense especially in 12house of bed pleasures

(ill go a bit offtopic)
talking about moon i can also share that i always dreamt a lot and dreams wasnt just something to ignore and forget as most people do. to me they always seemed interesting and contemplation worthy. im looking forward to have dreams when im falling asleep even if some will be disturbing. my mind at all times carries memories of past dreams that i consider important to remember. you can just snap your fingers and ill start recalling hundreds of them. im rarely doing art but when i do its almost always sparked by something i saw in a dream. i get new ideas from dreams (uranus opposition). from time to time dreams fulfill in a way whatever my mind craves, whatever it needs so that i can remain sane and unaffected by desire. if during the day im consumed and fascinated by some study then i continue to learn it during sleep. apparently while asleep im also master music creator but i cant remember a single note when i wake up. i think sometimes dreams show me changes that occur, or are going to occur, in collective consciousness? (uranus again)
i usually have 3-5 dreams per night although sometimes i experience week long or so periods without a single one and i wonder if something is wrong
themes of personal development/individualization often show up too
i feel emotional connection to my dreams (12house. moon. in cancer.)
when i fall asleep i sleep calmly but falling asleep usually takes a lot of time (too active brain probably), sometimes even 2-3 hours which is quite miserable experience. sometimes at night i feel some evil presence which keeps my reptile brain active and ready to defend itself which can also contribute to difficulty in falling asleep.

if you dont mind ill share what i dreamt yesterday.
unspecified dream actor threw me into some room pleased by a thought that ill be eaten alive by a starving beast that was imprisoned in this place. i immediately decided that im not going to fight with it even in self-defense and sat on the ground crossing legs. beast showed up few seconds later. it was a white tiger. it walked to me calmly and asked me to tell him about other races that live in the world because he was kept here for so long that he doesnt know or remember anything outside of this room. so we started some kind of philosophical discussion and i noticed that this animal was incredibly intelligent and calm. later i was petting and hugging him i think and dream atmosphere was filled with love.

my attempt on interpretation is: the room is actually a part of my psyche/mind/self that to some degree was previously locked or unknown to me.
white tiger is like a shining jewel - potential of the self.
common tigers are fierce, feared, deadly hunters, theyre the biggest cats, id expect them to take a more negative, agressive role in a dream.
but this one wasnt hostile.
tigers are also arguably the most beautiful creature on earth.
white tiger is like a diamond among other gems or something.
white color represents purity, cleanliness, open mind, new beginnings, is associated with saintly figures
the tiger i met transcended its carnivorous nature, it was philosophical, an ascended being.
but it said "tell me about other races because i was locked here for so long". asking about other races also indicates curiousity, this "creature" is curious how it is outside
...all of this plus a sense of love accompanying this dream shows a theme of discovering one's true potential and falling in love with it. it carries a beautiful message
and guess what i was reading about before going to sleep. north node in the first house

and talking about north node and new self - i suspect that the last few years and now im going through some kind of transitory process. isolated moments in life can be painful and confusing but when you get whole picture its probably worth it

i might write some more thoughts later/tomorrow

[sfmlr]

sorry for a mountain of text, it always ends up being more than i initially anticipated

yesterday i said that i get new ideas through dreams but that doesnt necessarily mean that i follow them
(saturn debilitated + mind that quickly changes interests)

returning for a second to infp, this guy makes some great points imo
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=L7Pf8wN94No

out of all astrological systems/schools, ive read the most about vedic so ill refer to it from time to time (sorry)
today i wanted to share something ive heard and i think it works quite well in my own chart
in vedic, there is a principle that the second house from the moon shows what our mind is attracted towards (im not denying what was said in previous posts about how my mind works, just wanted to add another layer)
reasoning behind this is that first house is the self whereas second house how the self is sustained, it shows basic needs of the self like eating, drinking
so second from the moon would show what the mind is nourished/fed by
in my chart in the second house from a moon is north node (rahu) and mars
mars id say shows passion and competing whereas rahu, as per vedic, foreign interest
and i think especially this rahu theme runs strongly in my life. i was never interested in my own culture, i thought it was boring and stupid, my native language felt kinda weird and inefficient, i couldnt find any person of my own nativity that id feel interested in...
but when i went outside my own language and community then man... suddenly there are so many fascinating and wise people that i want to listen for hours, foreign languages feel so intuitive and sound like a music to my ears, i start browsing, reading, even thinking moreso in foreign languages than my own, passion for learning never felt stronger...
and the more exotic something is the more interested and drawn towards it i am
im not sure if its possible to see this particular outcome without considering rahu
but what if there is no planet second from the moon? are the aspects upon the house then considered? i wouldnt know how to interpret that

[Jim Eshelman]

i was never interested in my own culture, i thought it was boring and stupid, my native language felt kinda weird and inefficient, i couldnt find any person of my own nativity that id feel interested in...
but when i went outside my own language and community then man... suddenly there are so many fascinating and wise people that i want to listen for hours, foreign languages feel so intuitive and sound like a music to my ears, i start browsing, reading, even thinking moreso in foreign languages than my own, passion for learning never felt stronger...
and the more exotic something is the more interested and drawn towards it

What a wonderful description of your 0°09' Moon-Uranus opposition! Roving, curious, inquiring, uncomfortable with the native and familiar, responding eagerly to the new and unfamiliar.

This is your closest aspect. The more you learn about it, the more you'll understand yourself.

PS - If there were indeed anything to your interpretation of Rahu (which I seriously doubt, since the nodes are primarily about connection) you don't need to jump through the hoops of houses: A much simpler explanation is that the Node is conjunct your Ascendant. Anything innate to its character would be a big part of your character.

[sfmlr]

This post was accidentally deleted by me when I hit Edit instead of Reply. I have already apologized to sfmlr, and repeat that apology for my clumsiness. I have moved my reply to a new post so it is clear that it is my words, not his; and I'm very sorry for deleting his. - JAE

[Jim Eshelman]

i was actually wondering which traditional planet would indicate foreign interest, because i suspected you wont be a fan of hearing about rahu, but couldnt recall anything of this sort

Neptune has to do with love of the mysterious and foreign in the sense that they are unknown. For example, Pisces is the most wandering of travelers with great interest in other cultures, food, etc. Uranus may produce the same results but for opposite reason: Uranus isn't interested in the unknown except as a source of discovery. disclosure, revelation. Neptune more likes the "I wonder if the grass might be greener in the neighbor's yard," whereas Uranus is more, "OMG, did you see how green the grass is next door?!"

[sfmlr]

These traits have many great applications but, so far, has kept you from focusing and applying yourself. (Your Saturn is quite weak.)

im wondering lately how did you determine that it is weak because surely debilitation cant be the only reason behind it, right? saturn stays in one sign like 2,5 years so we cannot say that everyone being born during that time will have weak saturn and struggle with commitment, applying oneself etc. i know a few people with debilitated saturn other than myself and theyre doing way better materially than i do. i suspect that another weakness is what you guys call a background placement but then question rises: every planet in the 9th house will be weakened then? 9th house is often called the house of luck, good fortune so it feels illogical to me. one more thing i can see that damages my saturn is north node + mars aspect youve mentioned some time ago. maybe square from neptune is also damaging but then my saturn is near my ascendant degree and that i suspect would give it strength. or maybe it makes weakened state of saturn more visible, more manifested in my life?
mercury makes strong aspect also but i dont think itll cause problems to saturn
so how do you see it? is there something more im missing?

In numerology, your day number is a 5 (creative self expression) and your life path is a 6 (service to family / others / nurturing)

my name number is also 5 i believe so this leonian(?) self-expression theme continues to pop up, but my life path isnt 6, is it? 1+4+1+0+1+9+9+8 equals 33 which is a master number from what ive read. 6 didnt really resonate with me that much, 33 being my path could be the reason why

btw i was looking at mayan kin numbers the other day and i noticed that in the list of famous people that share my kin number is a poet who was notorious for writing everything in small letters only, as i do. thats kind of specific and not as common to be considered a coincidence imo. his name was edward estlin cummings

[Jim Eshelman]

im wondering lately how did you determine that it is weak because surely debilitation cant be the only reason behind it, right?

Planetary strength (expressiveness) is determined primarily by closeness to the angles of the chart. The peak strength/expressiveness is when a planet is exactly on an angle, tapering equally on either side. The point of least expressiveness (least strength) is any of the cadent cusps. Your Saturn is closest to the 9th cusp - a cadent cusp. (We call this zone the background.) Additionally, you don't have Sun or Moon in Capricorn or Libra (and, in fact, have Moon in the opposite sign showing a further anti-Saturn nature).

i suspect that another weakness is what you guys call a background placement but then question rises: every planet in the 9th house will be weakened then? 9th house is often called the house of luck, good fortune so it feels illogical to me.

You may have noticed we pay little attention to houses. So far, there has been no large statistical study able to confirm that houses even exist. If they do, their individual characters are far inferior to (less important than) the basic characteristic of angularity.

one more thing i can see that damages my saturn is north node + mars aspect youve mentioned some time ago. maybe square from neptune is also damaging but then my saturn is near my ascendant degree and that i suspect would give it strength.

Being near the same degree of Aries that your Asc occupies in Leo is not a connection. Yes, there are things that add difficulties to your Saturn, though that isn't what I meant by it being weakly positioned. (Yes, the Mars and Neptune aspects would add their own effects, especially Neptune since Saturn-Neptune is a dynamic aspect.)

mercury makes strong aspect also but i dont think itll cause problems to saturn
so how do you see it? is there something more im missing?

No, you got it on your second guess: Saturn's position near the 9th cusp makes it weak and inexpressive. (I agree, there is nothing inherently problematic about Mercury-Saturn. Mercury and Saturn have more in common than differences.)

[sfmlr]

Planetary strength (expressiveness) is determined primarily by closeness to the angles of the chart. The peak strength/expressiveness is when a planet is exactly on an angle, tapering equally on either side. The point of least expressiveness (least strength) is any of the cadent cusps. Your Saturn is closest to the 9th cusp - a cadent cusp. (We call this zone the background.) Additionally, you don't have Sun or Moon in Capricorn or Libra (and, in fact, have Moon in the opposite sign showing a further anti-Saturn nature).
[...]

ok, thanks for explanation

i wanted to try out this foreground/background technique on the charts of my relatives but i suspect that my chart is set up incorrectly (im generating it through astro com). can you share what house system youre using to calculate house cusps? i see my midheaven at 22 degrees of aries and 9th cusp at the end or middle of pisces depending on the house system, is that the same for you?

also is there a difference in expression of the planet depending on from which side it conjuncts the angle? for example is sun at 8 degree aries conj ascendant at 10 aries any different from sun at 12 aries conj the same ascendant?

[Jim Eshelman]

i wanted to try out this foreground/background technique on the charts of my relatives but i suspect that my chart is set up incorrectly (im generating it through astro com). can you share what house system youre using to calculate house cusps? i see my midheaven at 22 degrees of aries and 9th cusp at the end or middle of pisces depending on the house system, is that the same for you?

House system is Campanus. This is especially to reflect the angularity issue, because Campanus measures along the prime vertical, which is the framework in which the "angularity curve" works best. Several systems would put the horizon (Asc-Dsc) and meridian (MC-IC) in the same place, but the Campanus cadent cusps best reflect the places of greatest weakness. - Yes, your MC is 22°00' Aries for the birth data you gave, Asc 2°36' Leo, 9th cusp 27°18' Pisces.

also is there a difference in expression of the planet depending on from which side it conjuncts the angle? for example is sun at 8 degree aries conj ascendant at 10 aries any different from sun at 12 aries conj the same ascendant?

No, none that we can discern - certainly when that close! Angularity tapers bilaterally from the angle itself.

Should evidence one day demonstrate that houses actually do exist, then this still wouldn't affect the meaning of Sun's conjunction with Ascendant, though it would separately add a 12th house meaning on one side and a 1st house meaning on the other (but maybe not as close as 2° away: Most astrologers who use houses don't take house cusps so precisely.)

Regardless, any house meanings are going to be secondary to the the angularity matter - possibly the single most fundamental thing in astrology - and would not disturb the basic meaning of the angular planet.

Take President Trump as an example: He has Mars about 3° above his Ascendant, his only planet on an angle. He's one of the greatest examples of a pure Mars expression - compare his behavior to the description of Mars in Garth Allen's "Kid Gloves" discussion of Mars, for example: https://solunars.com/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=28 - To try to diminish this in any way by calling it a 12th house Mars would be to miss the whole point of his temperament. In theory, one could, of course, find other Mars in the 12th house details - his great capacity to make enemies and alienate, his thinking people are slandering and disrespecting him, and that wonderful line from Llewellyn George (grave trouble through impulse, lack of frankness or candor" and my much hoped-for "liability to imprisonment." Of course, all of these things are shown by other things in his chart and don't need Mars in the 12th to articulate them, but my main point here is that even if the house idea is valid, it's not strong enough to contradict the fundamental, important fact that his Mars is closely angular as the most-expressed planet in his chart, just as his Venus is the least-expressed. (This tips his basic character more toward expressing his Mars-like Scorpio Moon more than his Venus-like Taurus Sun.)

[sfmlr]

lately some other things take my attention away from astrology so it took a while till i got to start reading the book you linked, sorry
but still, wanted to come back and share some thoughts

as i was reading about mars i kept in mind that this should also relate to me but the more i read the more i was like "wait, thats literally the opposite of me" so guided by a feeling i immediately went to description of venusian personality and i have to say i relate to what is written there very, very strongly

i think the degrees of angular planets are very important here. trump's mars is 3 degrees away from his ascendant whereas mine is like 7. so even if both are considered as "rising mars in leo", mine will be actually not that obviously expressed (yes, feminine moon, sun and venus tone it down too)
or perhaps what conjuncts the sun might be of a higher importance than what conjuncts the ascendant?

funny thing also, before i started reading this pdf i took a shower and randomly did my hair in a different way than usual and as im reading description of venusian personality my younger sister looks at me for a few seconds and says: "you look totally like a girl with that hairstyle, like, seriosly" interesting statement to hear while reading about venus and having sun conjunct venus in a birth chart, right?
its like a confirmation
(i didnt mind that comment, im aware of being more feminine than usual guy and never aimed to be a macho man)
i had situations where people adressed me as "miss" instead of "mrs"
or women saying theyre jealous of my eyelashes, lips or never changing figure
certainly not the most ordinary experiences a male can have but i never felt ashamed because of them
how could i? knowing how accurately astrology and similar tools can describe us, before even our personality starts developing, it is obvious that we didnt do anything wrong, no reason to feel guilt for not fitting in, for not living up to standards.
(also unsure how common dreaming of being the opposite sex is but from time to time it happens to me too)

also remember when i was trying to describe my mom some time ago? one of the first things i said was "even now theres a huge amount of fears within her". and guess what planet is 2 degrees away from her sun? saturn of course. its description in "kids gloves" is so true in her life

forgive me that i jump from a topic to topic without organizing my posts too much but i noticed that my sun and venus are also background, right? near the 3rd house cusp. so how does this play into the whole picture? my 'self' isnt that visible/expressive? thats what it means?