2019 SSR - Pregnancy?

[Freya]

Here is my upcoming 2019 SSR based in Southampton, England. I am looking at this to find whether I will have a baby or not next year, as the current SSR has brought miscarriage.

Not sure I like the look of this one either, as the moon receives aspects from saturn and neptune, the effects of which have manifested in a miscarriage, but also jupiter and pluto, which should indicate conception. Uranus and venus are also there, with uranus foreground, which hopefully should bring positive change?

[Jim Eshelman]

Not sure I like the look of this one either, as the moon receives aspects from saturn and neptune, the effects of which have manifested in a miscarriage, but also jupiter and pluto, which should indicate conception. Uranus and venus are also there, with uranus foreground, which hopefully should bring positive change?

Don't worry about Moon trine Saturn. It will be psychological more than eventual. Quite the opposite, SSR Moon is opposite Neptune, true, but also square Jupiter! Moon-Jupiter is 0°09', the closest hard aspect in the chart.

Generally, this is a very positive emotional tone and something to celebrate. Like everything, there are potential negative expressions, e.g., Jupiter-Neptune optimism can be unrealistic (not founded on fact), or Moon-Neptune (in the case of success) likely will swing you through some unexpected hormonal swings.

My biggest concern is Mars square MC and the culminating Uranus. Yes, this could be symbolism of a miscarriage, though that's not the only outcome. I think the message, then, is not to leave anything to chance that you can control, then go with the Jupiter-Neptune faith (confidence not dependent on reason) to carry you the rest of the way.

You said you wanted to try again around September. That might be bad timing. We probably should do lunar returns and watch transits to pick a best time or rat least double-check that time. What I notice, though, is that September is when Solar Return Moon progresses to the exact opposition to Neptune. There are several Moon-Neptune keywords that paint undesirable outcomes at exactly that point in time (although if you were already pregnant, it might just be normal hormonal swings).

[Freya]

Thank you Jim for the insight that you have provided. Electional astrology is definitely beyond my skills, but if there is something I can control is exactly WHEN I will go for treatment.

This time I have chosen a clinic in Greece (in Athens) which seems to have all the latest tech to choose sperm with healthy DNA, which the previous clinic did not have. (Coincidentally I think I have a better relocated natal chart in Greece rather than Norway). The paradox here is that I am healthy and my eggs are graded excellent. It is my husband who has a fertility issue. Would it be wise to look at his chart too in order to select timing?

At this point I have learned my lesson, I am not going through another IVF cycle without having looked at my chart first. I was thinking September because plane tickets are cheaper, but I am not going to jeopardise my chances for a couple of hundred dollar's difference. I don't think my demi solar in October looks promising, which probably means I should do this on the first quarter of my next SSR?


Any help on how to seltect the best timing would be a precious gift for me, and also a good study on how powerful astrology really is in a person's life. Tecnically my body should "reset" in late June/July, if that is better timing to start the ball rolling again?

[Freya]

My biggest concern is Mars square MC and the culminating Uranus. Yes, this could be symbolism of a miscarriage, though that's not the only outcome.

Jim can this be the symbolism for divorce? It looks like we are headed that way at the moment, we are both drifting apart. If things don’t improve come September we are filing the petition because he doesn’t want to go ahead

[Arena]

Is it possible that trying to get pregnant has simply put too much stress/strain on your relationship? Would it be wise to sit back and not try that for a while now, since your relationship is not stable at this time?

The Mars-Uranus aspect is imo not indicative of a divorce.
But the Mer-Mar conjunction in the SSR can be indicative of quarreling.
The fact that the Sat-Pluto conjunction in the SSR has your n. Venus on the opposing midpoint and the SSR IC falls onto your n. Pluto as well as the SSR Moon being aspected by both Saturn and Neptune is extremely separative in nature altogether. SSR Jup is there to help you though, being the midpoint between the Moon-Nep opposition. It will bring you grace and compassion.

[Freya]

Yes we are taking a step back however it has transpired that he doesn’t want to try again at all (going back on everything he promised) Unless he changes his mind, we are headed for a separation as not having children is not a sacrifice I am willing to make. I pray to God it won’t come to that. I am hoping Jupiter will have a healing effect

[Arena]

Bringing a child into the world is such a huge commitment and therefore a huge decision and should never be made under pressure. Maybe a time out from trying is what he needs now, without being accused of going back on his promises. Just a break from the process. Maybe going through what you've gone through has stirred things up and puts pressure on both of you. Maybe you need to enjoy your love without a baby for a while. I don't know if this rings true in your situation ... they are just a few maybes to think about.

You're only 35.

I was 37 and 38 when I had my two younger children and I would not have wanted to be any younger. I know that people are "ready" at different ages in their lives. I also know that I would never have been "ready".

I also know it is not my place to tell you what to do. I am just sharing a perspective.

[Jim Eshelman]

My biggest concern is Mars square MC and the culminating Uranus. Yes, this could be symbolism of a miscarriage, though that's not the only outcome.

Jim can this be the symbolism for divorce? It looks like we are headed that way at the moment, we are both drifting apart. If things don’t improve come September we are filing the petition because he doesn’t want to go ahead

Well, yes, it could to that way, but it wouldn't be my first impression. If it were manifesting in that part of your life, I would phrase it more in terms of fighting and similar eruptions - it can be temperamental, it can give a sense of not being a much in control of your life as you want or need.

But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion too quickly. As important as this one item is to the two of you, is it enough to split your marriage? I see in your subsequent post that not having children is a sacrifice you're not willing to make (your chart is indeed consistent with wanting this strongly), so maybe it is enough to split you... but the real marital weakness at the moment sounds like a communication / partnership problem.

Your words suggest to me that the issue is the "drifting apart," which feels like a communication issue. Communication issues are correctable by communicating! It wounds like there is pain and disappointment that you really aren't sharing as partners.

[Jim Eshelman]

Here is my upcoming 2019 SSR based in Southampton, England. I am looking at this to find whether I will have a baby or not next year, as the current SSR has brought miscarriage.

It occurred to me that we could address the moment of this post as a question for horary astrology. First, though, there is the question of where, in your life and the universe, you were at the time of posting it.

The question was posted May 16, 2019, 1:13 PM PST, in Southampton, UK. The first two things I notice is that there was an alignment of the universe with your essential self, a return of some very basic things to their natal patterns. For one, Moon had just passed its natal position by 4 or 5 degrees - more on the Lunar Return in a moment. For another, Midheaven at the time of the question was less than a degree from your natal Midheaven: the sky was oriented much as it was when you were born.

There are two further suggestions that this was a "moment of self," a moment when your fundamental relationship to your life (as currently understood) was accentuated. They both involve the Sun. First, the question was asked with Sun at Midheaven (and LOL was technically a question about your Solar Return. Furthermore, transiting Sun was about 1° from square your Southampton Ascendant.

The question came as the universe demanded some soul-searching and confrontation of a sadness. Natally you have a 0°19' Moon-Venus conjunction, the keenest symbol in your chart for a deep demand that you be a mother. At the time of the above post, transiting Saturn was 0°13' from opposite your Venus and 0°32' from square your Moon. To (perhaps overly) simplify, you were in a process of feeling loss of motherhood.

Within Saturn's transit to your Moon-Venus, you also had transiting Mars opposite natal Neptune, only 0°06' wide when you posted. This is a transit that usually leaves a deep emotional wound, apparently the trigger or eruption of the soul-crisis defined by Saturn to Moon-Venus - the trigger that prompted you to turn to the charts and to post.

Sun, as mentioned was entering orb of square your local Ascendant. Venus had just left opposition to your Pluto. The skies then rotated back to the alignment they had at your birth, your own Midheaven being on Midheaven while you were in the middle of posting and just crossing the angle as you clicked Submit.

I think it important that we, in responding, understand where you were psychologically at the time of your post and I apologize for not doing so originally.

[Jim Eshelman]

Your Sidereal Lunar Return occurred May 16 at 6:55 AM, about 6 hours before your post. In general, it's a great chart, with Jupiter a mere 0°04' from Descendant, though Mars rises opposite the Jupiter; and Sun was in Eastpoint. There are a number of fine points, and all the transits mentioned above were in partile orb. I think we might regard it as a chart for taking positive action, taking hold of the situation, etc.

That clears the slate - identifies where you stood in the universe at that moment - and clears the way for looking at this as a horary chart, using the "rational horary" approach I've suggested here in the past, i.e., still relying primarily on what we have already established as valid astrological principles without descending into the morass of historic horary approach - but with a little more focus on houses and with a different mindset toward the question.

On the direct question, "Will I have a baby?" the charts are not optimistic, though they have more to say than that one question, i.e., there is a larger framework within which the question exists. Looking at the chart, we see one powerful, proud symbol: Leo rises, with Sun close to Midheaven on the 9th house side. This is a strong symbol of personal dignity and a demand for self-actualization or self-fulfillment. That it falls in the house of foreign travel is consistent with our other discussions about travel abroad for the procedure, among other things, but its position on Midheaven closely trine Pluto is a great sign of positive transformation.

But this doesn't address the question itself. For this, we especially look at where Moon falls and her aspects, and also at the house of the subject matter. For pregnancy and delivery this means the 5th house. Here is why I said the signs weren't positive, for the 5th house has a Saturn-Pluto conjunction in it suggesting solitude, hardship, and loss. Furthermore, the Saturn-Pluto conjunction (especially Pluto) closely squares Moon. These, by traditional symbolism, would mean, "No pregnancy."

We could take the position that these aspects are separating and therefore only show the past circumstances. Given how close the Moon-Pluto aspect, and how exactly the symbolism matches the question, I wouldn't rely too heavily on that: As a partile aspect, it seems to be talking about the present.

I might be wrong about that, though. Normally we would look at Moon's next aspects. (Digression: I place no confidence in the traditional "void of course" rules, the doctrine that if Moon makes no more aspects before leaving her current sign, then "nothing will come from the matter." I place no confidence in it because all the claims for the rule have been made based on the Tropical zodiac which doesn't exist. Therefore, there has been no actual research to validate this and the popularity of the rule reeks of fiction.) Anyway... looking forward, if we ignore the Void of Course rule, Moon's next aspect is a Moon-Venus opposition, applying by 6°46'. This is a marvelous sign for pregnancy if we are to trust it; and Venus even conjoins Uranus on the 9th cusp, interweaving themes of technology, happy surprises, and foreign travel.

My use of this more rational approach to horary astrology is too new for me to speak with authority on whether we should trust this quite happy aspect. If it is valid, then Moon progresses to oppose Venus in November with a new surprise (Moon opposite Uranus) by about the first of the year.

So that's what I've got. I'm sorry I can't give a definitive answer, and at least we can learn something from this. I do know, though, that the moment you posted your inquiry was a moment that concentrated great anguish and, arising from it, something in you committing to greater self-unfolding and self-understanding whatever the outcome.

At least, that's what I see this chart telling us.

[Freya]

Jim, Thank you so much for the interpretation of the charts. I feel that I am at a crossroads at the moment, and for one step forwards I take two steps back. Because I have been unwell due to the miscarriage, my employer has put me on probation again and I may vey well lose my job in the next two months. So it never rains but it pours. Without a job there is no going to Greece for IVF. Things at home with my husband aren't great, he's psychologically weak (nepute foreground in his chart doesn't help) and I feel the strain of acting like a mother to his children when I haven't got any myself; just a reminder of what I am missing (they treat me like I don't exist whilst I sacrifice as if they were mine). Money is tight and with a second job I get no time to rest. I am running on empty.

I am acutely aware that I have a sun-saturn transit in August, if I lose my job it is going to be incredibly hard to a find a new one. I don't love my current job, it's underpaid and I do adminsitratibe and repetitive tasks (I wasted my law degree and a masters degree on a job that requires basic literacy skills) but it pays the mortgage and that is the only reason why I want to keep it (been looking elsewhere ever since I started in December but with no sucess at interview)

I feel stuck in a rut. I want things to change. So far, everything in the solar year 2019 has been one failure after another. I hope the change will be positive and not destructive (i.e. not being able to pay my mortgage and losing the house too). I bought the house I am in because I could see a baby taking his/her first steps in this house, now it seems empty and I am working to just have a place to crash, it is a house and not a home.
I want a baby more than anything else. I feel so alone. I keep going but I don't know for what. I started antidepressants as for the first time ever in my life I self-harmed, but did not have the guts to commit suicide (I have read too many books on the afterlife of suicides, I don't want to take the risk that they may actually be true). So I keep going and keep existing.

I hope your first interpretation is the correct one. I need hope at the moment and I am clinging on to every bit of light at the end of the tunnel as I have lost the confidence in my abilities.

Thank you for giving me hope

[Veronica]

Freya,
Im so sorry you are going through all of this.
I hope that you have strong support system in your life and a healthy outlet for stress. Stress produces adrenalin and when a womans body is flooded with that it makes it hard to concieve, I know bc I tried to have a baby with Craig but I was under too much stress. I raised two step children and got pretty much the same attitude and have no dealings with them now that they are grown. I loved/ love them dearly. Sometimes I truly struggle with feeling alone and try to comfort myself with the belief that God is always with me and my loved ones are in my heart and sometimes that really helps. Sometimes feeling alone though gives you an opportunity to pause on your life and make effective changes in attitude and perceptions so that you can see what it is that you really need and then go after it more efficiently.
I hope that all the pain and saddness goes away for you and you feel better soon.

[Freya]

I have just stared at the clock announce 10.04 am... welcoming this new SSR

I need a change. This time it will be a radical change in terms of my profession. I had no idea that this would be what Mars-Uranus would bring at the time of writing this thread.

Since my miscarriage my boss has become suspicious that I will get pregnant again and has made my life hell at work. She’s trying to find evidence to dismiss me which she cannot yet find, because my work has been faultless. By the environment has changed and I have noticed that one particular colleague, who is close to her, is deleting or hiding work that I have done. My request for a promotion taking effect in 2021 has been denied too. It has become unbearable to go to work knowing that at some point during the day I have to dig up evidence that I have done things right.

I am fed up to be a paralegal, which is all they can offer me (not even that as it has been suggested that I am back on probation). My mentor at work thinks it’s outrageous and I am being bullied and I should raise it with HR. So now, if I lose my job I definitely am not having IVF.

I believe the universe is trying to tell me something. I have been unhappy in that job for some time now, but didn’t look for anything else.

I have now decided not to work in a law firm anymore. It is a big u-turn for my life path, having obtained the qualifications. But I am making rich people richer and getting mistreated in the process.

I have two interviews for two completely different jobs now. One of them especially is in social care. If I were offered either of these positions it is definitely a symbolism consistent with Mars-Uranus. I feel like I am steering a great big cargo ship away from the course it had taken for the past 7 years

I hope it will bring radical but positive change

[Arena]

Happy birthday again Freya
I hope your day was a good one.

I understand how you feel to just be watching the clock for a new solar return to start and bring about something new I had a Mars-Uranus concurrent on angles in my SSR two years ago and nothing happened that could be related to Mars-Uranus at all. Nothing. That year the tropical return was the return that really described the year perfectly with its Moon-Saturn symbolism on the angle and I fell into a long long and deep depression. Now I always check them both because I know there is truth to both systems.

I hope that you find a way to do work that you find more satisfying. It wouldn't surprise me if that turns out to be some kind of social work or idealistic work when I see your solar arc angles. Your solar arc IC is now on your n. Neptune and your solar arc ASC is squared by n. Jupiter. Solar arc Pluto is now square your n. ASC and I also see that solar arc Uranus is opposite your n. Sun = changes are most certain. You might also choose to do some more studies since your solar arc Mercury is now on your n. ASC.

[Veronica]

Something Ive felt about Mars Uranus stuff...

It can be a time when the Universe is in the drivers seat. So often it can seem like nothing.
It also IME can be time when you are actively involved in something else, ie...many lovers (or hobbies and interests) meet/arise while they have this going on and they are allready involved with someone (or something).

[Freya]

My life has just had a major turning point!!!! I was about to give up on my legal career, and have been interviewing for other jobs... Wednesday I was invited to interview with one of the firms I really wanted to work for because they had a sudden vacancy... my resume was on file as I had sent it at the beginning of June as a speculative application. Well, it was my last interview... I said to myself f—- it, this is the last interview I will do for the job I really want.... and I got the job yesterday morning!!! I said to the universe that if I was supposed to give up on my legal career to give me a sign now. And it did! I have been wanting this for so long and it has been incredibly hard to get. I am now a trainee lawyer, bye bye to my crappy paralegal job!

I have just given notice here, I will be a lawyer from the 28 August!!!! I cannot believe it!!!!

[TheScales_BothWays]

Omg congrats!!! Cheers!

[Arena]

I said to myself f—- it, this is the last interview I will do for the job I really want.... and I got the job yesterday morning!!! I said to the universe that if I was supposed to give up on my legal career to give me a sign now. And it did!

Congratulations!
Gratitude to the Universe

[Jim Eshelman]

Congratulations, Freya!

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Oh, Freya, that's great! I'm so pleased for you.
And proud of you. I know how hard you worked for this.
Congratulations.

[SteveS]

Freya wrote:

I have just given notice here, I will be a lawyer from the 28 August!!!! I cannot believe it!!!!

Freya, this is indeed good news. For sure, you are seeing timing results from your current new SSR with SSR Uranus cnj SSR MC (5,11) as the main angular 'theme' planet symbolizing the sudden unexpected change, and your partile SSR Moon-Jupiter 90 for benefic emotional action . This is consistent with Jim's teachings from his book, 'Interpreting Solar Returns.'

Freya's 2019 SSR:
https://imgur.com/5x5TDfy

[Freya]

Got another unexpected turn of events today. I interviewed for two jobs I really wanted on the 24 July
1. Job one in social care- helping people who lac mental capacity make decisions and those detained under the mental health act to appeal their detention. Law based and would fulfill my quest of making a difference for people. Downside, I will be only signposting and limited access to take a case to court

2. To become a fully qualified lawyer. Risky as I have a long probation period but it is ultimately what I studied for, to be able to take a case to court

I got the first job as well today. Now I find myself at a crossroads... if I go in job no 1 direction chances are I will never get another chance to be qualified. It is extremely rare and rumour has spread like wildfire at my current firm that I managed to get a contract elsewhere, as they are given out sparingly.

Downside is that I will not be helping people like in social work, especially not at the beginning as I will be handling property transactions

The social services job will fulfil me on a more personal level but on the other hand I can regret for the rest of my life to have thrown away the opportunity to become a lawyer and a judge (the end goal of my law career)

I still feel drawn towards accepting the hardest, most insecure route... the lawyer position

But I am really torn inside

[Jim Eshelman]

You're the only one who can make the decision, of course.

My thought FWIW is that all lawyers start off taking the work others want the to do. A normal career path moves toward increasingly getting to take on the work that you personally want to do. It seems to me the path both of future security and growth for yourself and being able to do the greater amount of good over the whole of your career.

I understand that it's a tough decision. The universe is wanting you to make a clear decision on what you want most, and there may be no objectively right choice, just two ultimately neutral choices. Despite my opinion above, I've also never regretted a couple of decisions where I turned down The Big Opportunity because it didn't fit me.

YMMV.

[Veronica]

Wow that is all so wonderful to hear!!
There are so many ways to give back and help others....but it sounds like the lawyer job is giving back to you....and with that expierence in the long run you would sure be able to give back to your community!
Im sure you will excell in what ever choice you make!

[Freya]

You're the only one who can make the decision, of course.

My thought FWIW is that all lawyers start off taking the work others want the to do. A normal career path moves toward increasingly getting to take on the work that you personally want to do. It seems to me the path both of future security and growth for yourself and being able to do the greater amount of good over the whole of your career.

I understand that it's a tough decision. The universe is wanting you to make a clear decision on what you want most, and there may be no objectively right choice, just two ultimately neutral choices. Despite my opinion above, I've also never regretted a couple of decisions where I turned down The Big Opportunity because it didn't fit me.

YMMV.

I totally agree with you. The job in social care, were I to lose it (very possible as they often lose funds from the governament), will leave me no better off in terms of finding another job, as I am not qualified in any type of social work. I will reach the top of my career ambition (and pay) within 2 years, and stay that way (talking money it is £24k a year for a senior role, not much at all!!)
Pros: I will be conforting people in hospital and signposting them to the lawyers who can help them challenge their detention

Being a lawyer...I really want it because it's the only way to becoming a judge, which is what I have always wanted to do... if I fail, at least I can say I have tried, and die with no regrets .

If being a part of the justice system is written in my life path, surely it will work out? I wanted this job to help people by reaching a fair decision (within the constraints of the law). I have always thought of myself as non-judgemental, non-dogmatic and unbiased, hence the reason for wanting to sit behind that bench "passing judgement". I feel I can do less damage and maybe even some good. As an ethnic minority this opportunity is extermely rare and I feel that the Universe has helped me at this very moment in time, when I thought I had strayed from my path.

You are right Jim, I will choose based on who I can help the most in the long run.... the answer is clear if I frame the issue this way. It points to being a lawyer.

If you don't mind I am really interested to hear about the big opportunities that you turned down, and what the astrological symbolism was at the time? Did it point to a disappointment as well?

[Arena]

No matter what decision you will make about this issue, dying with no regrets is likely never going to happen
I wish you well.

[Freya]

I hope that you find a way to do work that you find more satisfying. It wouldn't surprise me if that turns out to be some kind of social work or idealistic work when I see your solar arc angles. Your solar arc IC is now on your n. Neptune and your solar arc ASC is squared by n. Jupiter. Solar arc Pluto is now square your n. ASC and I also see that solar arc Uranus is opposite your n. Sun = changes are most certain. You might also choose to do some more studies since your solar arc Mercury is now on your n. ASC.

Hold on... am I going against my life path according to the solar arc angles by choosing the law career??

[Veronica]

A law career is social work.
Not in the soup kitchen sence
But in a much greater scale

[SteveS]

Freya asked:

Hold on... am I going against my life path according to the solar arc angles by choosing the law career??

Freya, your Solar Arc Natal Asc is arc to 11,43 Virgo, partile square your Natal Jupiter 12,42 Sag. This is a once in life time Solar Arc Asc to your natal Jupiter contact for your 'life development.' You certainly want to take as much advantage as you possibly can with this once in a life time Solar Arc Asc square to your natal Jupiter, pertaining to career choices.

Ebertin writes in his book about the “Principle” for the planet Jupiter:

Harmony, law, religion.

Freya, your Natal Jupiter is in the Sign Sag, and going by tradition—Jupiter rules Sag. IMO, this could be the astrological factor in your natal chart why you have naturally chosen "Law" for your life career. I also strongly believe your Solar Arc Asc approaching an exact square to your Natal Jupiter is another major timing factor for you unexpectedly getting the lawyer position with your chosen firm pertaining to your earlier choice in life for a law career. But, whichever career you choose you will have the benefic Jupiter with TIME being on your side with the angular Solar Arc Asc to natal Jupiter occurring in your life now.

[Jim Eshelman]

Freya, I fully agree with Steve: I might say things slightly differently, but the bottom line sentiment and conclusion are the same.

I think your interest in justice, including social justice is especially rooted in your Mars-Saturn conjunction in Libra. You understand struggle, are willing to struggle, are willing to "bring the fight," and have compassion for those who have been afflicted. Your Sun is conjunct the great, noble star Sirius. Your Moon is in one of the great constellations of social awareness, Virgo. While Libra, the scales, is the constellation most related to "lawyering," the bench is more populated by Virgos - the constellation of the goddess Astraea who holds the balances in her hand, figuratively reaching over to "hold the lawyers by the short strings" of the balances.

But being based on and arising out of your own struggles, this has been a hard path - and probably will continue to be one. Mars-Saturn either fights for something or against, and you seem to be a person who wants to leverage the struggle on behalf of others.

If you don't mind I am really interested to hear about the big opportunities that you turned down, and what the astrological symbolism was at the time? Did it point to a disappointment as well?

The last part of this question surprised me, because I've never thought of that period in terms of disappointment, only in terms of authenticity. Feel free to look at my chart for events across the late spring and through the summer of 1985, climaxing approximately September 21, 1985 (I think that's the exact date, it's at least close). If you need a location, I was living in Los Angeles and the meetings and actual events unfolded in Pittsburgh, CA.

The basic story is this: There was a world-wide fraternal organization of which I'd been a member for about six years (currently at around 10,000 members worldwide, I think). In the spring, I was elected as the senior of four rotating members of the board of directors and placed in charge of a new middle-level governing level that of which I'd been a principle designer. Over the next couple of months, the long-time head faded and tied. I was not only caught up in the politics of this transition, but was singled out by the two most senior members as their strong choice to inherent the top position. (They were the "grand old dames" who represented all continuity from the 1940s forward and at least anchored the historic legacy; one was my personal teacher, I knew the other.)

However, there was a conflict within me. In the winter and early spring I'd undertaken a retreat that had disclosed to me the central definition of who I am in this incarnation, a single phrase that summarized everything I knew about me, that had shaped my history, and that opened the rest of my future. (No details: just the kernel.) When the push to assume the top organizational leadership position came, I immediately knew it was at odds with my nature and purpose - it would interfere with whatever was to unfold for me and would keep me in a state of conflict, serving neither side. And yet I didn't feel I could say no: I had an allegiance to the group and especially to these two women who most bore its heritage and it felt dishonorable to say no.

Within a few weeks, I realized that the path that served both truths for me (trueness to myself and honoring my sense of duty) was to permit myself to be put forward without seeking the position. That is, I would be responsive to a call without taking a hand in pursuing the outcome.

There was, at that time, one person (let's call him A) who everyone presumed would be the successor - he'd wanted it, pursued it, prepared for it, and thought he'd walk in unopposed. I knew that, if he attained the top leadership, the organization would go off its intended rails and head down some other track against its design, principles, and purpose. Without animosity to him personally, I was passionate that he not succeed so, again, felt I had to let myself be put forward.

A wonderful little bit of magic occurred from that: Though he was still considered the favorite, my presence in the race igniting an understanding that A's success wasn't a "done deal," that someone else might lead instead of him. Several people toyed with pursuing the position, though none ripened or were taken seriously: It seemed it was the two of us, with A having certain advantages and me being in the "credible challenger, credible threat" category.

By (going from memory) mid-August, I got a call from one of the two senior members most strongly pushing for me. In the course of a longer conversation, she asked me what I thought about another person, B. I said that I liked him a great deal, and he had some excellent qualities. We had become friends over the prior two years or so. We'd worked trade shows together and spent extensive personal time. He'd been elected to the board at the same time as me (technically I was elected in the first round, him in the second, though we were of equal standing). She wanted to know what I thought about B for the leadership position and I said that if I knew for sure he could defeat A, I'd step aside in a minute.

I called B and told him the same thing. We agreed that neither one of us knew for sure which way the support would swing, we both had an "ascendant underdog" sense, and we agreed (as I already knew we did) on the same set of policies and direction for the organization. We decided in a friendly way to both keep in the race.

Compressing the end of what could be a very much longer story: At the weekend big meeting that amounted to the election of the new pope, those voting determined in an early round that only A, B, and myself were viable candidates. We all had a chance to present our positions and answer questions. I felt a particular freedom because I really thought the role should not be mine, so I was quite candid on policies and directions that I knew would be controversial and perhaps unpopular, but about which I felt strongly. Within a few hours, it became apparent that B and I were pulling primarily overlapping support and that we shared the one thing that mattered most to each of us. In contrast, A would have derailed it. I took the chairman of the meeting aside at a break and asked for the floor when we returned, at which point (again, to shorten it a lot) I said I saw no reason to divide the votes between B and myself and asked everyone who intended to vote for me to vote for B instead and to ensure that A was not elected. (A physically lunged at me across the table and had to be restrained briefly.) I didn't withdraw from the race, because I wanted to be present for what happened next, and I was questioned by others as much as A and B.

When the votes were tallied, B had almost unanimous support. I took a lesser position that was more flexible, and we set about reshaping things. In March 1987 we completed his and my long-term goal of replacing the highly questionable organizational by-laws with a modern, legally balanced implementation of the traditional (pre-1950) bylaws of the organization, which laid the foundation for its continued growth since then.

At that point, the universe showed Her hand: Within a few weeks, in early April '87, I agreed to help out a different friend in something, which led to various dominoes falling, which led on December 9, 1987, at 5:15 PM in Santa Ana, CA to the physical universe briefly falling away as a block of information was "downloaded" into my nervous system that (1) was the entire plan of something new I was to create that would become the most significant work of my life and (2) the disclosure that I'd been maneuvered to exactly the right set of circumstances and timing for this to happen.

I stayed with the earlier organization (as it's #2 ranking person) until 1991 when I finally resigned entirely, continuing with the strongly-established new organization I had created.

[Freya]

Wow that's just amazing. It is a convergence of multiole life paths, including the old organization's pressuring destint to take shape in a more definite road ahead, leading to the birth of a new organisation. Must have been in the old organisation's SSR for that year too

[Arena]

Hello Freya. As I said in the other thread I do hope the best for your pregnancy.
I think I told you in a pm last year that imo your highest chances of getting pregnant are going to be when t. Jup is going to be travelling through your natal 5th sign, square your n. Moon and opposing your n. Venus and t. Saturn had to get out of your natal 5th sign. Which is now and from what we know so far, you are indeed pregnant. I do hope you are not about to lose your fetus now and I do hope it is not an ectopic pregnancy as you've indicated it could be. If you lose this pregnancy, look at the transits of Jupiter in upcoming months. I believe you will have another chance in July and/or Oct when Jupiter will make that contact again with your n. Moon and Venus.

[Freya]

Thank you Arena. I would prefer to try again sooner rather than later so maybe July...

[Freya]

So this 2019 SSR has been malefic despite Jupiter. Had a miscarriage and now have lost my job due to covid-19
Won’t be able to have another ivf cycle in this SSR because of travel restrictions to Greece

This has been a horrible year so far

[Veronica]

Im sorry.

Life isnt easy.
Im thankful that you are healthy and alive.

[Jim Eshelman]

So this 2019 SSR has been malefic despite Jupiter. Had a miscarriage and now have lost my job due to covid-19
Won’t be able to have another ivf cycle in this SSR because of travel restrictions to Greece

This has been a horrible year so far

I, too, am sorry this has been such a terrible year.

To understand the SSR in hindsight: By Jupiter, you mean, of course, the 0°09' Moon-Jupiter square. By itself, this is an excellent aspect and one most of us considered favorable for maternity. But it's part of a Moon-Jupiter-Neptune combination. Jupiter-Neptune is about the dream itself, a dream that might come true or not. Its main meaning is "unreasoned optimism" - not unreasonable (since the dream might come true), but optimism arrived at by some route other than reason (e.g., faith). The main purpose of Moon-Jupiter-Neptune seems to have been to keep the dream itself alive.

But the most angular planet is Mars, square MC 1°34'. The only angular natal planet was Pluto, 7°00' from IC. Your Pluto is squared by Mars (3°35') and opposed by Uranus (1°43' in mundo). As I think you knew all along, it was always going to be risky and hard, and you were up for the risk because of the dream.

I doubt that understanding this will make you feel much better, and I do wish you'd been able to have a better outcome.

[Freya]

Thank you Jim, yes I do understand in hindsight... it was doomed to fail all along. There’s a positive slr in April and I am hoping to get my job back, that is if the benefic effects actually manifest this time