Veronica

[SteveS]

Have a great fun trip V.

[Veronica]

Astrology is so amazingly cool.....
Id say "youll never guess what happened"
But astrology takes away most of the guess work.....

I had very much wanted to spend my last LR at the Seneca casino resort in Niagara Falls. I wanted to swim in a pool and soak in a tub and look out at one of tge 7 wonders of the world.
But my parenting duties made that not an option.

Ill tell you what though.
I felt so fanfreakingtastic just dreaming and planning it all out in my mind. All week as I thought about how blessed I was that I had the means to do what my heart desired....I could feel the love hormones building and bubbling up in me, washing over my troubled thoughts about my sister and father and children and soothing them and relaxing them and stripping away grain by grain blocks and limitations that my mind and circumstances seemed to have built up.

Honestly I felt more alive and positive and hopefull and excited thinking about

"oh my goodness I could take a get away and relax and goof off and have some fun....I am so blessed that Craig let me paint that house and make some side cash ....."

Then I actually did in reality.

It was so freeing and liberating to allow myself the thought of something that I really could manifest and even though people do that sort of getaway vacation all the time and bopping over to Niagara Falls really isnt a big deal because its just over in Buffalo.....it is a big deal to me and my life because I don't have the luxury to do it.

I have issues spending money on luxury things when I could realistically use some new dishtowels and linens and other boring life necessities that get consumed by time and need to be replaced and upgraded. And then there is always the thought of the money being better spent on clothes for the kids, groceries, education, transportation or a retirement fund (what the hell is that?!).

It was so nice to fantasize that I went and won the jackpot and how Id buy presents for all my loved ones and go back to college and buy a tiny home and greenhouse and grow plants and just spoil my loved ones by being an " secret admirer" who pays utility bills and sends boxes of food and no one knows who is doing it. I would so love to have the means to do stupid things like that for the people I know who bust thier bum daily but never seem to get thier head above the water. Mirror mirror....

It was a very healing thing for me to allow myself to dream and hope that I won all the money and do all those simple little things.

Anyhoo....
The trip was great!! The sun was shinning and the radio was playing all my favorite songs and there was no traffic. Win win win.
I made it to the Rez in Basom in great time, but the weather quickly turned to gall like winds and white out visibility.
I chatted with a few "friends" I have there, to see if I could be at the falls before 5. They said I could but I should get a room because they are expecting 18 inches all night and driving back would be dangerous.
I had to pick up Sabrina at 11:30 that night. I thought long and hard for a few minutes. I really wanted to see the falls frozen...its so beautiful. I said that to my friends and was told that the falls wernt frozen...its been too warm. They also told me when I mentioned the casino some insider tips that the casino in Batavia would better suit me.

So I left Basom and headed back to Batavia in really yucky weather and arrived at the race track by 4:30.

I went in and putted about looking at all the pretty lights on the machines and trying to find the perfect game for me. Funny tgat I ended up at the same machine I had used 3 years ago when I went on Valentines/birthday with 20 dollars my sister had suprised me with and doubled it.

It wasnt quite fivepm yet but I started playing and I won almost 40 dollars on my first game on a 3 dollar bet!! I took pictures of my game. Those machines make so much noise when you win. Even when you turn the volume all the way down. I dont like that. I dont like drawing attention to myself, especially in places where I know shady people lurk to do mean things like rob you or otherwise try to take advantage.

People were looking and fathering around as I won a few more games and my gut began to hurt so I cashed out and left that machine. I wasnt even oura my seat and someone else was trying to slide in!! The crowd was mostly men my age or slightly younger and 10percent stereotypical grandma looking women, sort chubby too much makeup and hewerly and rude. No one looks "at" you or makes eye contact. I feel out of place and sticking out like a sore thumb with a bulls eye target on my back.

I found another machine around tge corner..private and out of the main flow. It was almost 5 now so I pyt my mobey in and started playing. I won. I won. I won.
I never really understand what makes a winner. I stopped pkaying telling myself this is rediculious girl...look and see what you need to be a winner. Random number generators are influenced by being observered Ive expierence and read about.
I needed at least 6 "quick hits" symbols.
I told myself...you need those symbols to win. It was 5:02 when I pushed the button and the 6 symbols popped up and my machine lit up like the 4th of july and the bells and whistles went off...again making everyone look and come.

I won $113.85 on a $3 bet!!!

I was so happy.
I had brought 45 dollars that I was prepared to loose but I didn't.
I left and drive home with a stirm hot on my rail for many miles but eventually pulled away and got home intime to see a veautiful sunset and have dinner with my son.

I spent yestersay doing all my abulutions and cleaning that I gad been neglecting because Im working with my sister on her xancer and health.

It feels so nice today to sit and relax in my clean and warm home and not have to do anything. I think Im going to start another art project and just let my creativity flow.

So Id tell you that you'd never guess how I flew to capture Jupiter and suceeded...but my lunar chart pretty much seems to say exactly what I just said.

Thank you all so much for all your love and support and wisdom and encouragment. I don't know now that Im back in Mendon if that current will be as strong for this whole return or not but at least for that one day I felt like I was the jackpot winner.

[Jim Eshelman]

Wow! Cool

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

What separates a winner from a loser? The winner knows when to quit.
I'm glad you had a good time, and stayed out of the storm.

[SteveS]

V wrote:

So Id tell you that you'd never guess how I flew to capture Jupiter and suceeded...but my lunar chart pretty much seems to say exactly what I just said.

for you, "Timing is Everything." So glad you had a nice road trip.

[Veronica]

V wrote:

So Id tell you that you'd never guess how I flew to capture Jupiter and suceeded...but my lunar chart pretty much seems to say exactly what I just said.

for you, "Timing is Everything." So glad you had a nice road trip.

Thank you Steve.
I have week off now as well (unpaid but still no alarm at 4:30am will be nice).
It was a wonderful experience but I think Ive had my fill of gambling like that.
Timing is everything so who knows in another cycle my mood may change.

[Veronica]

What separates a winner from a loser? The winner knows when to quit.
I'm glad you had a good time, and stayed out of the storm.

Thank you so much for that. It really meant a lot.
You are so right. That is the truth and what differentiates them. I know when I reflected on my own personal expierences in life I was the winner when I follwed my gut and stopped...be it containing things yucky for me..or thinking in a certain limiting ways resisting the truth. I was the loser everytime I kept on and on and on.
How strange though that in our culture the opposite and false Motto "winners never quit" is promoted and valued and sought after....to be the superman/woman doing everything, always busy, striving, pushing like a warrior.
I really needed to hear that and I thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Thank you for the kindness

[Jim Eshelman]

Like she said:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hx4gdlfamo

[Veronica]

Thats my sisters favorite song

Funny about her,
I had told her all about the new divination technique Steve had mentioned. I had alterior motives for bringing it up though. I told her how I thought that it was our most primitive language, our core ideas that as humans we try to communicate to each other.
I told her that I thought though that as a species we had enriched our vocabulary over time and that to accommodate our growth we developed better tools to communicate with each other, in person or in spirit so to speak.

Her eyes twinkled and she smiled.

She told me that she had wanted to get back into the tarot but that her daughter had thrown all her books and cards away last year when she first got sick.

I told her Good, because we Need to be able to always talk to each other, with tears starting in my eyes.

I had gone over with the intention of having a heart to heart about her eventual death and that I wanted her to know that I would always be reaching out for her and always listen.

Its hard to watch suffering.
But I've tried to encourage her and uplift her my whole life...and she never cared to eat right or eccersize or anything healthy and there is nothing I can do to stop the consequences of her choices. I can only try to make the best choices for myself.

It was funny though because she caught right on to what I was getting at right from the get go and cut me off and made it so that I knew she knew what I was meaning for her.

She is utterly brilliant with the Tarot. It is enliving her and giving her constructive things to focus on and that is always a good thing.

Thank you for the video Jim. I appreciate your support and encouragement. With my new SSR coming with the moon on my Saturn I have been mulling over things that I concider toxic in my life and my relationship with them.
My mercury mars square gets hungry and this world has lots of addictive things that are easy for me to slip into.
Giving up carbs was brutal but Im doing it and feeling good with the foods I do eat. Id really like to quit smoking now so Im hoping that moon on Saturn will help me process this oral fixation and work through it.

Then my transformation into full blown nerd would be complete and I can do what ever the heck my nerdy self wants with no holds barred

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

No, don't quit smoking. Just cut down. When you want one, light up and just smoke enough till you're over it and then put it out. Best if you throw it out but if you're short of money, you can relight the same one two or three times, but never smoke it down to the end, because that's where all the tars and poisons are. Throw the last quarter to third out.

NEVER smoke in the car. Stop, get out, smoke by the side of the road. Never ever in the car. Even if it's raining or -30°.

Pick ONE place to smoke. Maybe one at home and one at work. When you need a cigarette, go there and smoke it. Never ever "smoke and". Don't smoke and read or smoke and listen to music or smoke and anything. Go to your one place and stare at a wall. Some people smoke outside. Face a wall when you do. You're not there to observe nature. Concentrate on nothing but smoking. Don't smoke in the garage when it's raining. You'll get your car all smoky and you might blow it up, so don't do that.

When you get down to less than four cigarettes a day, see how long you can go in the morning before you have one. You'll probably start coughing during this time. That's your lungs trying to clear themselves. That's a good thing even if you end up coughing so hard you gag.

At some point you will want to "quit." Don't. Just see how long you can go without a cigarette. You haven't failed if you're just putting it off and you decide you want one after all.

This takes months. It's a process. See how long you can go between smoke breaks. Wash the inside of your car so you get all the smoke glaze off the windows and dashboard and so on. Wash all the ashtrays and use an old tuna can instead. Two steps forward and one step back is normal. You'll cut down automatically if you have to think about it before you light up, so put the cigarettes in one room and the lighter in another, neither being the place where you smoke now.

When you notice there's a lot of bad smells in the world, that means your sense of smell is coming back, so another good thing.

Never quit smoking. Just put it off for awhile. You're allowed to go back to smoking if you want to. Maybe when you're 97. Maybe not. And you're allowed to have one cigarette after not having any for a week or a month or a year without having to start smoking on a regular basis again. It's your choice.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

Gum or mints help too. You don't have to deal with your oral fixation at the same time you're trying to quit smoking, so don't.

[SteveS]

V wrote:

Timing is everything so who knows in another cycle my mood may change.

Moods always change with time, but you selected a time for your trip when you knew with high % you would be in a good mood.

Great song Jim, reminds me of my Wednesday night poker games when I am always aware of my astro cycles which helps me to know when to hold em or fold em.”

V wrote:

Its hard to watch suffering.

Indeed. I watched it for 3 straight years with my mother and was with her when she took her last dying breath.
V wrote:

With my new SSR coming with the moon on my Saturn I have been mulling over things that I concider toxic in my life and my relationship with them.

There is no doubt in my mind, one of the most positive influences of a Moon-Saturn is “Self Control.”

[Veronica]

Gum or mints help too. You don't have to deal with your oral fixation at the same time you're trying to quit smoking, so don't.

Thank you Jupiter for outlining an effective way to change a behavior!! Last year before my pups died I was just about smoke free. I try to me mindful when Im doing things and only do one thing at a time so as to give it my whole attention. I realized though that while I would stop working or cleaning to have a smoke that I WAS smoking and...reading...watching the birds...planning my day ect.
Thank you for this. I see how steps like this can help overcome habits and behaviors and give us back the choice.
And thats what Im really feeling now. That I have to. That something inside me is compelling me. Its a true for of slavery and I dont like that one bit. I want what I do and say to be me, to be the real and true me and my own decision and not driven by blind compulsion.

[Veronica]

Today I say by by 49 and hello 50!!!

I cant believe Im 50.
I dont feel 50.
I wish my ancestors could see me. Ive got all my teeth! What a great thing it is to be alive.

2020 was indeed a groundhog like day for me, in that I did find running themes of my actual SSR chart throughout each day and many events that seemed devaju.

2020 had all my bad dreams. Ive had vivid and lucid dreams my whole life, and 2020 showed me all the horrible garbage that pop culture and mainstream media and Hollywood magic has thrust about me my whole life.
Every single one of my bad dreams that I have had in my life popped up in some way.
I saw giant murderding hornets and seeds from china and red shoes and civil war and spies and aliens and the fall of the economy and some strange virus with horns trying to kill everyone.
Every dream that I ever woke up sobbing and scared showed up in 2020 for me.

But this time I was awake and in my home and I saw how so much of what was getting me stirred up and scared was really nothing mostly...and flat out lies really.

I also had this crazy notion in my mind that this WASNT the end of the world like the media and masses were making it to be. That yes some things suck and arnt nice but that they pass and are not forever. Humanity has spun about and about in our solar system with all different kinds of horrible conditions in astrology that seem like the end ....but we are still here. Still living and working and going forth.

The very very best thing which I believe shows in my SSR as transiting Mars on the DC Square my Pluto....which inirially made me think I was going to die....was that it was close...my job in a school..my sick family..so many accidents right in front of me but not including me. The bullet missed me. I didnt test fate though..I did my part to not get covid or crash the car but I very much had the sence that there was ugly aggressive action going on around me. I was so worried for everybody.

I had an unusual thing happen to me this year.
My center of gavity changed. It feels about 3cm lower and slightly more back. It happened around Earth day when I was participating in an on line Social PowWow and learning how to hoop dance.
I know this virus is a cry from Gaia and that the community of life is at a very challenging point. I was taught to dance and to pray through dance. What I wasnt taught though was that certain dancers change you when you watch them.
Thats what happened to me.
I saw a man crying for his beloved Mother Earth and Her Children. Nothing he could do or say was changing things and Mother Earth is getting sicker and sicker.
How frustrating
To have done everything but still people abuse and disrespect and pollute.
I saw this man put feathers in his hair and bells on his heels and all sorts of adornments that would get him laughed at and mocked in modern society. But he didnt care if anyone laughed at his costume. He wore it for Her. And he danced for Her. From his soul I saw him dance for mother earth and to heal her and everyone on the planets. And he meant every step in his dance.
It dropped me. Watching young men in sacred costumes dancing for the world ...in the face of culture that laughed at thier beliefs and did harm in all ways to force them to abandon what they know in thier heart is true...that we are all a community and related...
I dont dance on my tip toes any more. I lost that. My dancing changed this year and it feels so good and grounded
All my dance lessons came back in a flood. Years of ballet and jazz. I remembered all the moves to the dances like I was 8 years old again. I felt so empowered to know that there are people in the world who dont care about appearances and will dance with feathers in thier hair and bells on thier heels.

Im staying home here in Mendon for my. SSR tomorrow.

It looks like I will again have Pluto Angular but not so much as last year. Chiron seems to be the most angular.

Saturn is square Uranus
Mars is square venus
The moon is square Jupiter
Mercurcy is conjunct Jupiter
The SSR node is opposite Mars
And while my SSR moon is conjunct my natal Saturn U am blessed with Jupiter being conjunct my natal mercury. To help.

I do note a strange midpoint in that my natal Jupiter is trine 1'11"s SSR Chiron and trine 1'11" SSR AC.
I understand trines are inactive in SsRs but I like those numvers and thought tge midpoint was interesting to note.

[Jim Eshelman]

Im staying home here in Mendon for my. SSR tomorrow.

Happy birthday tomorrow! (50 was a fabulous year for me btw, one of the best of my life.)

It looks like I will again have Pluto Angular but not so much as last year. Chiron seems to be the most angular.

Your SSR occurs at 8:24:05 AM EST tomorrow. You are right, your natal Pluto is not foreground this year (it's really 13° above Descendant.) Here are the angularities, Moon aspects, etc. for Mendon Center: The angularities are few, transiting Neptune and natal Uranus. What I find really interesting is that they are almost precisely the same distance either side of the horizon, meaning their midpoint is only 0°02' from the angle.

r Uranus -4°39'
[rUr/tNe midpoint +0°02']
t Neptune on Asc +4°43'

t Moon conj. r Saturn 0°06' mundo
t Moon-Mars conj. 0°27' mundo
-- -- t Mars conj. r Saturn 0°21' mundo
t Moon sq. r Mercury 0°51'
t Moon-Jupiter sq. 2°41'

(no foreground aspects)

Other partile
t Saturn-Uranus sq. 0°04'
t Mercury-Saturn conj. 0°10'
t Venus-Mars sq. 0°58'

Definitely a year for altered realities and having your own candid truth interact with the world's surreal, plastic face.

The only combination I find worrisome (in the sense of: take care of your health and stay safe!) is the set of mundane aspects that give you an exact Moon-Mars conjunction exactly on your Saturn. Here are the mundoscope positions (the distance each is below Ascendant:

23°21' - s Mars
23°42' - r Saturn
23°48' - s Moon

[Veronica]

I have had now 3 very similiarly disturbing and potentially nasty situations arise this morning. I find your words of "surreal plasticity" potent bc all 3 were with grotesquely fat sweaty hairy vulgar and sickening men whoes pallor was like putty.

For my birthday last year my nephew gave me a great book called The Club Dumas. The last sentence is priceless. Everyone gets the devil they deserve.
I dont want fights and uglyness in my life so I have to help give that energy a more constructive outlet and to not put myself in situations where the worst could happen.

Him I hope you dont feel too bad this weekend.

I didnt notice that cool midpoint, thats refreshing after Neptunes pass on my Mars.
I am going to play it safe though.
After this mornings altercations Im not going to put myself in situations that could really pan out horribly.
I have been trying to defrost a frozen duck in my fridge for a week now for my dinner tomorrow. I dont want to rush the thaw because tgat spoils the flavor. Im hoping that my foul trouble is the most of my worries tomorrow.

[Veronica]

Last Thursday at around 11:30 am Churchville NY I quit my job.

It was weird in a way bc even though the morning seemed normal and uneventful up till 11....for some reason I had gotten all my things in order and had even put my bag of coffee in carry bag...as if knowing I wouldn't be there Friday morning.

The new librarian had asked me my opinion about getting rid of some books and how to integrate books into sub locations and a bunch of other library questions. I told her that imo the reports do not show real information and that titles need to be considered independent of what a report may say. She told me to weed and discard 200 books. I did. My mind was on my sister and the complications from chemo she is enduring and I really was not at all interested in having discussions and small talk and gossip like my co workers thrive on in the morning. I had a lot of work to do and children to supervise and frankly am tired of blablablabla talking circles and wasting half the day.

I'm not going to give the play by play.
My librarian called an impromptu meeting ....closed the library and had the librarian from another school come over to talk about weeding.

It wasn't a talk about weeding.
It was at first an accolade of librarians and their degrees and education and abilities and training and responsibilities.
And then there are Clerks.
Clerks do what they are told and don't make policies or anything of importance.
It was then that the meeting turned solely on me...on my performance. My attitude. My language. My tone. My dress. My mannerisms. My lack of professionalism.
And then the lies started.
It was said how I have been written up numerous times for my tone and attitude. It was said how in my professional files there are lots and lots of reports from staff against me. Then she me that the staff in my school come to her and complain and report me and how I make everyone uncomfortable and miserable and basically no one likes me.

I was never written up for anything but my attendance 2 years ago.
I was so hurt.
So appalled.
So mad and frustrated.

So I called her a liar and said that I don't need or deserve this and I took my stuff and left.

It was obviously more dramatic and more detailed but that's the first.

And several times in the meeting when it was clear it was a witch hunt I said I wanted my union rep and superviser and that that this was in violation of my contract.

How appropriate for this year's SsR....how strange too that again I had a confrontation with a grotesquely obese person who feels the need to put me in my place and try and make me "know my roll".

I note that at the time I walked out 11:30 it looks like T. Mars was partile Sextile my Eris which defines the aggression and chaos and hurt and my wanting blood.

It hurt so bad to hear that people were only being nice to my face and that they didn't really like me.

[SteveS]

Veronica, a similar incident happened to me in my life and as it turned out, it led me to a better job situation. I wish the same for you.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

I hope by now you've contacted your union rep and supervisor. And do mention your sister and her situation and if that librarian knew about it at the time she attacked you. If nothing else, it might get you your job back or unemployment.

This sounds like a repeat of the situation you had with a librarian previously. Is it possible she's referring to complaints that other librarian made? Take a few minutes and try to write down exactly what was said in that meeting. Apparently there were witnesses.

[Veronica]

I hope by now you've contacted your union rep and supervisor. And do mention your sister and her situation and if that librarian knew about it at the time she attacked you. If nothing else, it might get you your job back or unemployment.

This sounds like a repeat of the situation you had with a librarian previously. Is it possible she's referring to complaints that other librarian made? Take a few minutes and try to write down exactly what was said in that meeting. Apparently there were witnesses.

I'm feeling better today. I was sick in my gut all weekend from nerves and overload.

I haven't reached out yet. I have tried writing it down but break down crying.
It is repeat of other situations I have been in my whole life. Me trying to be something I'm not and trying to fit in where I don't belong and for dreaming that someday people won't be so insecure that they have to bully and knock down others.

Your such a kind person Jupiter and so thoughtful and helpful. This other Librarian said that numerous staff and faculty have come to her about me...not just the prior one who yes did tell me (2 years ago) that my tone is considered strong. I was never written up....in fact when I was told that....I reported it to my supervisor so that if I had indeed insulted or hurt someone with a misintended tone I could apologize.
I apologize. I always apologize when I was wrong or mean or offensive or hurtful unintentionally. I even apologize when I mean it. I told Eric I was sorry Ibroke his nose even though I did mean it. This other librarian really made me mad when she admitted that she had read my private personal file and knew all about me....and then in front of the other employees reasserted that she knew For a Fact that I had been sent home from work for being verbally abusive!!!
At which point I knew she was lying because I was sent home the day Donna freaked out and attacked me out a the blue and almost assaulted me.....because the principal had compassion for me and I had been crying for an hour so he sent me home. I told Donna I was being sent home, which I was. I gave no reason.

Anyway....it was probably that Mars transiting my Mars with the Neptune mercury transit for lies too.

I made it pretty clear she could go masturbate and that I don't want to work in an environment where I now feel sick and sad and not happy to be a part of anymore.

[Veronica]

Veronica, a similar incident happened to me in my life and as it turned out, it led me to a better job situation. I wish the same for you.

Thank you Steve,
Always moving forward. This may seem like a set back....but it's not.
I feel so good about things and opportunities and what adventure lie ahead.
I hated driving for so long everyday in the cold dark and getting up at 4 and falling asleep by 7. I felt like a robot and that I had no life outside of work and driving and sleeping.
I believe everything is a miracle and a blessing in disguise. It just takes a while for my biological physiology to simmer and settle back down.
Thanks for always encouraging me.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

If you don't stand up for yourself, who's next? People like this don't stop once they get you to quit. Schools are full of this kind of bully. I would have walked out of the meeting and started calling people, but I get mad and then get even. You get teary. BUt this person, having been rewarded for her behavior, will keep at it.

She's taken the other librarian's side on this. She had to have been clued in by someone else or why would she have read your private files? Is the other librarian a friend of hers, or did the other one reach out to her?

This isn't someone who should be in the position she's in. RIght now, who else is going to stop her? She's been rewarded for her behavior by your quitting, so she will repeat that.

Call your union rep and tell her you're sick to your stomach. Tell her about your sister. Get some support. It will feel better when other people are behind you instead of being attacked while alone and vunerable.

[Veronica]

I did stand up for myself though.
I didn't cry in the meeting.
At first I was just quiet and respectfully listening to her, until she turned her face directly to me and her face got real snotty and she started her digs.
I got very very angry and countered her statements with facts and paraphrasing what I wanted to be sure I was hearing...

It's all on video. The whole day. They can watch the video and see exactly what happened. I ran into my Union rep on the way out. My supervisor wasn't available but I told her what had just happened and that's when I started crying and left. It was my lunch time anyways.

Funny day how that mercury Neptune mars hit on me so seemingly personal. That day also had sun conjunct venus and moon opposite jupiter.
When I got home I Sat crying in my car and that's when Craig texted out of the blue asking if I was working after work.

It was so wonderful to go and be around him and help him. He remodels houses now and turns dumps into beautiful homes. It's perfect in all ways. It was so good for me to have the opportunity to go and clean and mop and do hard physical work to try and burn off the emotions I was feeling.
I didn't want to tell him about work and spoil his beautiful day doing the finishing touches and listing it so I didn't until it was time to go home and we were talking about what still needed to be done the next day and he questioned why I wasn't working.

So that part of the day was extremely wonderful and I never felt happier for a friend because I saw what that house started as and true to his Cancer Nature he pulled a magic trick and made it mint. Except it wasn't magic it was just hard work determination and perseverance.

I am glad to note that it seems my Solar Arc Uranus is partile conjunct my natal Neptune today and I couldn't be happier about that.
I hope my appetite starts to improve soon now that my moon isn't the focus. I suspect because my Jupiter will be transited by it next/ shortly that it will and I may find myself ravenous.

[Veronica]

I really thought about renting a car and going to Massachusetts for my lunar return last week.

It would have had the sun venus conjunction Angular and moved mercury Neptune further away from angles.

I always recall how Jim mentioned that aspect once, and I have tried to be mindful of it and my inclination towards that aspect to manifest strongly in my life.

After my work altercation I really wanted a hot bath and to look at the ocean for a while.

Honestly though, what I truly wanted to do was to take my sister away for her lunar return, which I'm pretty confident was 4/3 (she was born in Rochester ny Sept 30th 1957 around 9 am per my dad so we can't be sure any angles or moon).

While my lunar here looked yucky...hers was so much worse with Saturn on the local Dec being aspect by Uranus and old angry Mars and just pain and confusion and imo too close of a dance with Nick for my liking.

And then of course I knew that Sabrina and Orion are both going through some very challenging times as well....
And my dad...and just everybody has really tough things going on trying to just squash their little light out.

So I knew that I could whisk myself away for a great day and put a nice light on my personal month...I can't whisk everybody about if you get my drift....and that Angular or not aspects will find expression.

I found myself in a situation that was so dejavuesque that I am gaining greater clarity into how a persona with my natal chart strikes either achord or dischord with others so deeply and strongly.
It is as if when someone is walking the tightrope between life and death....they want me there. But they don't want me there because I'm soft and delicate and lovely and nice to be around and that my love will lift them out of the arms of death. They want me there because they know I am terrible beyond terrible and that when push comes to shove about certain things like personal freedom autonomy and will not many will overcome me.

My sister barely survived this lunar return. I was so afraid for her. In a huge catastrophe she was nearly overdosed on narcotics by my nieces giving her CBS and then bringing her to the hospital where they gave her heavy sedatives and then had to jump start her with narcan
She went to the hospital supposedly dehydrated.....they almost killed her.

She called me yesterday morning about 6am and told me to come get her. After mini battle after mini battle after mini battle I got her home.

She has along way to go. This is going to be a hard month but next month her lunar is so much better so we will just take things as they come and stay optimistic.

She has always stuck up for me and wiped away my tears from pain. I wish I could do more for her, but she seems to enjoy it when I put on my fool cap and play Motley for her to laugh and laughter is healing.

[Jim Eshelman]

I'm certain this is terribly hard for you on man levels. My thoughts are with you. I know you have tremendous strength and you won't stop for anything, but that doesn't mean it's easy.

Now that Mars has cleared the opposition to your Mars, perhaps there will be some peace, at least. Sun squares your Venus today.

[Veronica]

I'm not tough.
But something in me is.

On Wednesday April 7 2021 about 10am while doing extensive yard work at my family home I acquired a very small puncture wound from an angry Sumac.

So small and insignificant that I just went on working.

By Saturday I was in dire need of medical attention because my body had overreacted to the threat, so on Sunday I started some antibiotics, and it cleared right up.

But my poor gut.....
Antibiotics are so tricky.

I've since had a very complex and entangled idea stirring in me that the aspects and delineations we see in astrology are the same as the complex and entangled relationships our "body" has with the host of nonhuman organisms that live in our gut.

Dday introduced mass use of antibiotics on the earth, in people and animals ( to fatten them up quick) and since then the gut of people has radically been altered.

We had cats growing up. They made me sick. Part of what the toxicity did to me was alter my behavior. It has been researched the different effects cat toxicity effects the sexes..men get grumpy and lazy and women get happy and horny. From a bacteria that took hold in the gut and did its thing on the human ecosystem.

Having this issue with my arm and having to take antibiotics and really observing how my immune system actually is super strong like my doctor always tried to explain but I never got until now.
I think my personality is actually very much like the immune system, and T reg cells in particular.
Im reevaluating my interpretation of key events in my life under the umbrella idea that I do know my behavior is not always my conscience choices but chains of events due to the medical conditions I was experiencing at the time.

Jupiter is people but I think it also represents the population of bacteria we house. In fact I think that the constellations may resonate with our inner gut flora and that our natal chart may be more of a chemical compound formula for what microbes were active in your gut the moment you were born.
The moment of birth you are annointed with microbes from your mother's vagina and feces to strengthen your immune system for the onslaught of alien microbes that are in the world.

[Jim Eshelman]

Your quotidian and other angles missed the Mars-Neptune square running around at the time, which would have produced those symptoms. Instead, on a quick look, the message seems to be the self-infliction of the wound: It's natal Mars, not transiting Mars, that is on your SNQ angles for the day. (Transiting Mars-Neptune is several degrees away.)

In fact, it's natal Neptune, too: PSSR EP is opposite your natal M oon-Neptune for the day. (Its MC crossed your Sun.)

I wonder if this combination somehow put your more in tune with the Mars-Neptune square the world at large was feeling?

[Veronica]

Your quotidian and other angles missed the Mars-Neptune square running around at the time, which would have produced those symptoms. Instead, on a quick look, the message seems to be the self-infliction of the wound: It's natal Mars, not transiting Mars, that is on your SNQ angles for the day. (Transiting Mars-Neptune is several degrees away.)

In fact, it's natal Neptune, too: PSSR EP is opposite your natal M oon-Neptune for the day. (Its MC

I wonder if this combination somehow put your more in tune with the Mars-Neptune square the world at large was feeling?

Did something get cut off your 2nd paragraph?

Hmmm self inflicted ....
I dont even really know when it happened. I didn't feel it. But as I was pushing and pulling on the pile of old dead brush trying to sort it out....its not like the tree jumped out and bit me.
As it seems that day had my natal Neptune active as well that also means my Solar Arc Uranus.
That's a hot spot right now. Very appropriate.

It has been hard to quite down my body so that I can listen to it. I think alot of what I consider psychism/intuition is listening to the interactions and relationships within us.

I dont know if this put me in tune with the mass inoculations that are taking place. It does seem to be resonate with it in my own way. Up till now I had thought/felt that my immune system was poor and weak and I was afraid to get vaccines because I thought I could die.
I dont believe that at any more.
In fact my mind set on my own ability to survive and thrive is completely different and I know that because my self esteem and what I think I'm worth has exploded.
I've worked hard my whole life to be fit and strong and healthy and I have this amazing community living inside me that is more precious then any golden ring.

[Jim Eshelman]

Yes, a couple of words missed. Fixed now.

[Veronica]

Yes, a couple of words missed. Fixed now.

Hmmm that made me realize that it wasn't 10am. I'm sorry. It couldn't have been 10 bc at 10 I stopped the yard work and went in the house for a meeting and I resumed the yard work around 11, but around 11:30 was when I removed my hoodie and my arm and chest became exposed. It most likely happened around noon. I apologize I had 10am in my head because of the family meeting.

That puts the sun square my AC.

[Veronica]

Since I quit my job I have been going to work on the family property. My mother back in 91 found her dream property and moved her family to it. Its huge, 4 complete dwellings as well as a barn and garage and an acre or more of land. When she passed in 96 my father lost most all interest in upkeep.

So I have been hella busy with years and years of all sorts of accumulation and disrepair. I find this work soulfully rewarding, I thrive on hard physical outdoor labour and making order out of chaos.

I see this work in my SSR as the Moon and Mars on my Natal Saturn. It is emotional work at times. I cry sometimes outta the blue about how being weak and small with no upper body strength makes these tasks so much more work for me then it would a man. Men take it for granted that they can lift a chainsaw, it would take them an hour to do what takes me all day.

But I've tried for years to get help to get it done and no one ever has time to help. So I'm just plugging away, stick by stick and rock by rock acutely aware that while my mind feels like a blissfull 8 year old, my heart has been beating for 50 years and demands that I respect that.

I have my lunar return coming up and had been looking it and wondering about the saturn on saturn....and the nice venus mercury sun.....and Jupiter saying hi to my sun and moon this year is soooooooo beautiful on so many levels....

Anyway......at just about exactly 5:40pm yesterday at my dads house in Scottsville I was forced out of my bubble by my father who heard the neighbors mower rev up.....and told me to go over and get his phone number so my dad can make arrangements for him to mow the lawn so that I didn't have to lug over my push mower in the boot of the car anymore.

So I bounded out of the house, in my "not for publicing" work outfit of an especially odd flavor of the day, and had to ....oh my god....go get this guys phone number...omg...

Well apparently the lawn mower guy is not the neighbor. He's friends with the son of the widow who lives there. Yup.
I think I must have been a strange site because he just kept smiling and smiling and smiling and me and it got me smiling and smiling back and feeling very very strange and I kinda forgot what I was doing and why I made him stop mowing to talk to me. And when I said I was sorry to bother him he said it wasn't a bother at all and he would be glad to help and he gave me his name and number for my dad to call.

Yea, so that got a whole bunch of weird feelings that I hadn't felt in so long popping up, and got me wondering about where they were coming from and what is going on inside to make me feel all awkward and shy and GOOD deep inside.

I didn't think I had those feelings anymore. By just smiling so big and happily at me, like I had made his day by talking to him, or that the sticks and leaves in my hair and my thigh high skull legging with sparkly sneakers and a Jack Skellington hoodie was just the most silliest outfit he had ever seen......I dont know, who knows what was making him look so at me.

So I am very very happy that I dont have to mow the lawn. That frees up alot of my time so that I can chip away at the other things that have to be done. I am hoping with this Lunar return that the Angular Mars allows me to really bang out alot of hard work this spring before the summer heat and humidity hits.

[SteveS]

[Veronica]

Sigh....
Yea it sounded cool didn't it Steve.

Yet I still had to bring my mower and mow.
Mother Nature grows grass that doesn't fit it to a weekly schedule, and I wasn't clear enough that I wanted it done ASAP.

My father told me that men want women to tell them exactly what they need and when it needs to be done.

I dont like telling people what to do.

I like to let people know what I'm doing and how I could use help and then let them decide if they have the inclination and time to join me.

Actually it not that I like doing it that way, it's just how I work, which might explain why no one ever really jumps in and says "oh I would love to pick up sticks and cut down branches and dig out stumps with you, that sounds like lotsa fun and a great way to enjoy my time."
It feels like Jason (1990-1999) and Eric (1999-2013) only did "my projects" with me because they knew I would have sex and show my appreciation and gratitude intimately with them. I dont feel like they truly cared about organic gardening, or off grid living, or animal husbandry......they just went along with me.


Craig always has his own projects and never had time so I very quickly in our relationship learned my projects/family was my own. I pretty much gave up all my projects and interests to spend time with Craig and try and help him with his projects.

Being in the yard again, and recalling all my earth projects and plans mom and I had for the property, is so hard and emotional and at times I feel that I am so far away from that 20 year old who composted and recycled and howled at the moon.

I dont ever want to forget my projects again. I dont want help from people like J and Eric who had their own motives for helping me. I want help from the heart. I want my family as a whole to take an interest in preserving this home my mother built for us.

My SSr has the Moon on my Saturn and I had spoke of learning that means forgetfulness sometimes.
I had a striking example this week.
I've been clearing up broken and felled trees entangled in mass with underbrush and all the trappings. Its spring and nothing really has leaves yet. I know trees and plants from studying botany and know all the poisonous things.
I forgot though that poisonous ivy doesn't need leaves and I forgot it was entangled in the dead pine, and I forgot to keep my hoodie on, and I forgot not to cut when the sun is high and hot.
I forgot also what it is like to have poison ivy burns up and down on your arms that look like whip and slash Mark's.

Though it also made me remember something that I love so very very much, the light touch of a soft feather on the skin.

My skin hurts and burns and itches so much and so inflamed and raw and hard like leather. But I can softly...oh so softly ...stroke my finger tips and it feels cool and refreshing. My mother called it "ticky" and she would do it to me as a babe to sooth me from my allergies. It's the best feeling and it's ok that I had to get all raw and ugly to make me remember that that is how I really like to be touched and what makes me feel better when I get overloaded.
Live and learn.

[Veronica]

I woke up this morning and my bathroom window was open.

I received a court summons from Eric the other day.

As Saturn is transiting square my natal Saturn I find fears popping up all over. Ugly mean violent personal fears.

I walked in my sister watching a movie with a favorite actress of mine Amanda Siegfried, only to sit down to have my joy destroyed as I saw her brutally murdered by her husband. Why do they make such ugly things...movies about slashing and hurting and stalking...trying to normalize violence against women.

I met Eric the fall of 1999, my SSR that year had my natal Saturn at 22 Aries conjunct the MC at 21. Transiting Saturn was approaching its Return that year at 4 Aries.

Right now I am feeling Saturn approaching its last square of that Returns cycle. At times I am so afraid he is going to kill me. Or the kids. Or my dad. Or Craig. At other times I'm afraid I'm going to kill him if he crosses me.

Jim, I have tried and tried to look at things and rationalize them and say....oh he did that bc his such and such was hitting on her such and such and they had no seemingly constructive outlet for its expression so ....yea...it got expressed mean and ugly and hurtful....
I've looked at murderers charts and tried to think...if only this was tweaked like so...put this on the angle...and put them around this synasty...and it wouldn't be ugly.

And it scares me to no end to know that there is a person out there with terrible astrology with mine who if pushed could snap and snap my neck. It scares me think that there are people out there that I dont know who have horrible astrology with me and could snap my neck if I forget to use my blinker.

This last phase of this Saturn cycle, this square is going to be very hard in so many ways, I can already feel it. I am doing my best to stay up beat and optimistic, and I am allowing myself to surrender to crying and releasing feelings that I have held inside for too long, but then I get so very very angry, and I dont have a good history of behaving well when I am angry. I wish I could find a safe way to release my emotions but I just dont feel like I would be in control and safe.

[SteveS]

When the wind of fear hits me, I do deep breathing exercises and singing with my music.

[Veronica]

When the wind of fear hits me, I do deep breathing exercises and singing with my music.

Interesting.

I appreciate you saying that Steve.
I am fascinated by biological responses.
I am also fascinated by word choices.

I want to pick this apart for a second, because after I read your open honest reflection on your experience of fear, I had to honestly and openly reflect on my response to feeling afraid.

After going over in my head moments when I truly felt afraid and fearful, moments I thought my life was really in trouble, I wasn't shocked to admit that my response was the complete opposite of yours.

You said... you do deep breathing exercises and singing...very empowering acts. Deep breathing brings more oxygen into the blood and helps control the heart rate so that you actually physiologically have more power and energy and clarity and strength so that you can either fight off or flee. Singing as well does that, but also is a sign of confidence of action and self control and mastery. I do appreciate you letting me know these quick easy trick to gain self control. It is very important if you are going to end up on top.

My response though to those moments of terror.....
It took me a second to get to what really happens, seconds seem to stretch out into eternity, but what I do when I am truelly scared is to hold my breath and become as still as a stone. I try to make my heart literally stop beating. I get quiet. Beyond quiet.
Fear is paralyzing.

Growing up in a very violent chaotic home I had valid reasons for fear. I had to try and live with these people, some people who had very hard astrology with me.
As an adult, I can't be hurt by them like I was as a child and I also have choices and options that I didn't as a child.

I spent time looking at one of the most influential people in my life's chart and reflecting on the synasty with me.
(BrotherB 1-12-1963 Rochester NY) I'm not going to articulate anything about him, I know I shared a bit before, but after really looking at his chart and our lives, I see now how in a very real way, my romantic partners were almost all based off of me projecting into them aspects of the synastry I have with him. Dont let that Sag/ Cancer fool you or have you think he cares, he may have at one point, but he holds grudges about things that happened before you were born, things that he made up in his head overthinking, and he gets revenge.
But I dont have to interact with him. I can choose now to not have people in my life whose synastry doesnt feel nice. Even better when I can choose to be on top and not let the synastry effect me at all and rise above it and just let the Universe pour forth through my unique natal chart like it needs too.

[SteveS]

V wrote:

Fear is paralyzing.

For sure! I encountered fear so many times in my life with my father, I had to learn methods to rid myself of fear, otherwise I would become physically sick with fear. Once I asked a high grade psychic how I could better control fear in my life. She said for me to get into an enclosed shower running warm water over by body and chanting the word Om or Aum with as deep tones as my vocal cords would allow. This sets-up penetrating sound vibrations in the enclosed shower, and it amazed me how magical it worked for me by calming my mind/body of fear. There were many times in my life where I had to do this in the mornings in order to get through the day without becoming throw-up nauseated with fear of my father. This deep seated fear of my father imo is symbolized in my Natal with a partile mundo conjunction of Saturn-Pluto in my Natal 9th House. I feel by chanting the sound of Om I was actually countering the “paralyzing” effects of fear by using “higher learning-knowledge” which is symbolized by the 9th House. It was like the Psychic channeled a divine message for me to overcome my fears.

The legend in section 1.2 of Chandogya Upanishad states that gods took the Udgitha (song of Om) unto themselves, thinking, "with this song we shall overcome the demons".[52] The syllable Om is thus implied as that which inspires the good inclinations within each person. Wikipedia

Read about the “higher knowledge” of Om from the sacred East with the below link:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Om

Sometimes you have to use law enforcement against threatening people in your life, so you must use your best judgement with Eric. I had to use law enforcement against my father twice in my life.

[Algebra Sun]

Mercury square Saturn always means a hard thinker!

[Jim Eshelman]

Mercury square Saturn always means a hard thinker!

Victor, did you post this in the wrong thread? I don't see Mercury-Saturn discussed in this thread previously.

[Veronica]

Wow Steve, that's very interesting. Thank you for sharing, I too was told about chanting OM. It's amazing how well it works. I can do it only in my head too, for those times when I can't vibrate it out loud and it still helps.

What I have heard is that OM is the sound of all of creation in chorus, each making it's own tone to add, the constant hum in the background. It is very healing and empowering to attune to. At least it has been for me. Very good information to share and bring to light. It was very kind of that woman to share what she knew with you.

I appreciate your conversation about your experience of fear and of what was moving in the heavens when you were born. Saturn and Pluto are such great big powerful influences on development. I personally dont have them respecting each other in my chart, but I feel their transit affects deeply and profoundly. That huge transit must have greatly impacted your mother as she was carrying you. Saturn was transiting conjunct my Mothers moon/Mercurcy/Mars while she carried me and I know how deeply that affected both of us.

Funny thing going on in my life this year that dawned on me the other day. This whole SSR year so far in some " Groundhog Day" repeating pattern, my mother has strongly been on my mind and in my heart and driving my actions. I have agressesively been asserting myself at Her Home, (visiting and laboring) where I haven't felt comfortable to go since 2013 when I separated from Eric.

The devastation and literal rotting, hoarding, pirating, dumping there in my absence.......its beyond disgusting what has happened to that property..they ripped out the copper and pipes and the water has been just dripping onto everywhere inthe barn for years. ...my Mother would Kill every last one of us. That's not how she raised us. Her home was spotless and beautiful. She worked at it. Everyday.

So I'm trying to sort and salvage what I will kindly call a Dragon Hoard of Treasures, and clear and clean it up and that's when I realized that my SSR this year, unlike any year ever in my life, has a lot of Aries action (moon mars and Uranus) in the transit, upon my natal Saturn. That of course is where I originally thought the mom theme was coming from.

It just feels like she is in the air.
But really, she is in the chart because of her Aries planet stellium, which with Uranus in the fold now as in her natal, isn't shocking to be able to feel her more so now.

My dad and my brothers dont want to gut the property and completely remodel, like I do. Like it truly needs to have done to it to salvage. I know why they dont want to clean it out. They will deny it and say I am crazy, but I know why deep down inside they hate the idea of cleaning up her place.

I still to this day find dog hairs in my house. Been years now, and I sweep and mop and clean and yet I miss some each and everytime.

I had a very open and honest conversation with my dad about my experience of my brother who is hot as hell at me for my efforts and told him of my fears of him. It was good to finally be heard, and acknowledged by dad about his son's behavior toward me.

The other day I was working to understand my fears and where they come from and how I can better live with things like an open window, or a prank phone call and not spiral down into very dark places.

I then I remembered, again, a very very sad thing that happened in my family before I was born, and how that one event (which I am denied the date..no one in the family will say) made me very much the person I am today.

I forget that somehow, some crazy intangible way......
That I " psychically" knew I had another sibling who had tragically died in childbirth. I knew, and for so very very very long I didn't know how I knew. It wasn't until well after my mother passed that I started sharing with my siblings feelings and thoughts and dreams I had about this life and death, and finally got curt answers from my sisters that yes, that happened.

Science is now building the language though to give me the words I need so that I can explain it. I was literally formed cell by cell during a time when my mother was scared beyond belief about all the what ifs of pregnancy. She didn't want another baby. She had been traumatized by that experience and worn down.

It's hard to articulate, but I also looked into the time frame that I was conceived (approx. May 11 1970, which was the date strangely that I looked at it two days ago) and my parents natal charts to try and grok their mood.
I was conceived during a cancer moon.
Or I could say that my mother had sex, was seduced, was receptive, felt love toward my father during that phase of the moon. With his Piscean Libido I am sure that he felt the venus/mars conjunction going on in the sky, but I also think that she needed that type of moon to help her heal from the emotional trauma.
Cancer Moons are Mother Moons in that attention and affection are expressed in gentle, soft nurturing ways....

So I think that while my conception time frame shows a very loving and tender healing moment of passion for my mom, she was beyond worried during my formation.
Which I think shows in my character.

But the thing is, inspite of all her fears and worries and horrible hormonal and biochemical responses ....
I didn't die.
I made it.
I survived.

And everyday when I wake up, Im happy and full of excitement and enthusiasm and go get em Tiger!!! At the crack of dawn .....because...I could have died, but I was loved and carried, even though I wasn't really wanted in the first place. My mom fought tooth and nail to keep me alive. She risked her life.

My brother called and asked my sister " who the F^@* does she think she is.... "

I would love for him to ask me.

[SteveS]

V wrote:

It was very kind of that woman to share what she knew with you.

Yes, she was a very special woman in my life in many different ways, and if not for my wife I never would have crossed her path.
It's good to see/feel the good things about your Mother in your chart.

[Veronica]

V wrote:

It was very kind of that woman to share what she knew with you.

Yes, she was a very special woman in my life in many different ways, and if not for my wife I never would have crossed her path.

It's good to see/feel the good things about your Mother in your chart.

I personally feel that seeing and feeling the good things about Mother...in any and all of Her phases, be it your birth mother, your female relatives and friends or Mother Nature HerSelf...is the cream on the top of human existence, in that when we think lovingly and affectionately and attentively about our beloved female our body floods us with pure gold nurturing restoring and loving abilities.

Unfortunately we live in a culture that denies this biological fact and violently opposes people who want to walk around feeling in love with Thier Mother, their spouse, their female friends.

My mother was the most amazing woman.
And so was yours.
And everybody's.
This culture, this Patriarchal society which oppresses and enslaves everyone and denies that women have any value at all other then a man's sexual whim ....they will tell you otherwise, but trust me. I am living proof she was a rock star. And so are you.

[SteveS]

Well spoken Veronica, lots of wisdom in your words.

[Veronica]

Thank you Steve for your kind words.

To be honest though
I said all of that because I was seeking to understand what YOU meant in your words.....
"It's good to see/feel the good things about your Mother in your chart"

I didn't know what you really meant because that statement could be read a few different ways, and I have no body language to discern from.

Maybe it's a sex thing,
women trying to understand men,
men trying to understand women.....

I had some great conversations this week with my women folk about how we feel that we need to start specifically saying
"What do you mean ?"
" Why did you do/say that?"
And to really seek clarity because the ambiguity and open interpretation and loop holes in communication from males scares the bejeezus out of us and chips away at our sence of security.
It's sad that in my life I have learned that men do not like women asking for clarification or any type of questions and get hostile and aggressive with us, yet the same questions from a male do not bring about such negative responses.
It's sad too that I dont feel like I can have any type of deep thoughtful sharing of different perspectives with men because it becomes emotionally charged when I start asking questions.
But I do keep asking and trying to understand.

As an Aquarius I do feel kin with all of life and strive to respect alls inherent dignity and sovereignty and liberty, and understanding what a fellow human is trying to communicate to me is a major component of that love of all life for me.

[SteveS]

V, of all the folks I know on this forum, I strongly feel your soul the closest to the Mother Goddess Principle of Nature. I have only come into a really strong close contact with the Goddess Principle of Nature once in my life when I first took a hero dose of psilocybin in 1969. It was the most nourishing direct experience from Mother Nature in my entire life with my nourishing experiences from my Mother a close second. If this male dominating world does not do something radical to get itself back in touch with this Mother Goddess feminine principle of Nature---the world is in big trouble, IMHO.

[Veronica]

V, of all the folks I know on this forum, I strongly feel your soul the closest to the Mother Goddess Principle of Nature. I have only come into a really strong close contact with the Goddess Principle of Nature once in my life when I first took a hero dose of psilocybin in 1969. It was the most nourishing direct experience from Mother Nature in my entire life with my nourishing experiences from my Mother a close second. If this male dominating world does not do something radical to get itself back in touch with this Mother Goddess feminine principle of Nature---the world is in big trouble, IMHO.

Reading this made me cry.

I feel that no one wants or needs or appreciates being nurtured....in fact they resent help and kindness and love....and more then that ....they cannot accept love and kindness freely but have to pay for it.
I can't be nice with out people questioning my motive and thinking I am trying to take advantage and/or doing things for my own profit.

I have a new Lunar Return this week.

The past month I have been trying to fix a huge water issue at my parents/sisters place. It's the biggest ugliest mess I've had to clean up to date, and the physicality as well as the complexity and severity have taxed me.
The emotional aspect as well has been challenging as I can see how my dad and siblings really dont care about the land and property and dont want to do anything about it...basically they will run the property into the ground until it has to be destroyed (like the 5 other houses my parents owned and let my siblings destroy)

I've done all I can do by myself. It's to much and I feel like the little red hen in that I'm doing all the work again and no one wants to help. In fact they all just keep making more messes and saying what a dump the place is. Like they want me to just leave it alone to rot.

Funny in that I feel the same way about my intimate relationship..... resented my nurturing. Didn't want it. Didn't want me to be loving or show tenderness. Resented me reminding to eat healthy and drink water and think happy thoughts. Just wanted to run themselves straight to the grave with drugs alcohol sugar junk food stress drama and anger.

I am going to finish up what I can about the water leak and then turn it over to my dad to call a plumber. He was raised to fix things but something's need a professional to help fix. And it is his pipes and property to fix or not.
I did what I could.

Steve I have to tell you, that Imho, you may have only experienced the Mother Goddess/Sacred Feminine once in your life and felt the interconnectedness of all life.....but She has always been in you.
The Mother Goddess in me honors the Mother Goddess in you.
I dont care if you are the most badass hulk of a man in the world....She is there, I can see Her in you, in your x chromosome. All men have a feminine aspect and it needs to be loved and honored and nurtured and expressed.

[SteveS]

V, I think I see/understand that SSR Moon conjunct your SSR Saturn in your current SSR working you in this solar year.

When I strongly experienced the Mother Goddess in Nature in 1969, it completely changed my life to the better. Its impossible for me to put this 1969 experience into words. With my d MC approaching exact 90 to my Natal Pluto in the 9th House in the sign Cancer, I am now experiencing new learnings about the cults of the Mother Goddess Principle in Nature many thousnads of years ago. Its like whats happening to me now in life is allowing me to understand on deeper levels the Mother Goddess Principle of Nature, I feel her presence closer to me.

[Jim Eshelman]

It's still hard for most people to put 1969 in perspective

[Veronica]

It's still hard for most people to put 1969 in perspective

And so they continue to bash powerful women, insulting any women who went after her own hearts desires, and crediting her success to how well she takes "it" from a man insinuating she wouldn't be successful unless she provided sex to a man who then gave her her token job.

My dad this morning instead of wanting to deal with his water issue and windows and real life pressing issues wanted to try and spend my time slamming our Vice President and some other females in authority. Going on with the same old lines that have been used for centuries to bully and demean and insult women.
I'm done listening to people be mean. Even if it is a joke.
Its hurtful. It's wrong. And as I pointed out to him it is Un Christian (as he uses that reason for why he helps his man friends and sons) and that he wouldn't say those things if she was right in front of him.
I of course asked for specifics of all these females crimes that caused him to hate so much but again he had nothing to warrant his insulting behavior to them and when I pointed out some real atrocities by men in power he justified it by saying things like
We dont really know what happened
They had good reason
It was a different circumstance
You will never understand

It makes me not want to help him or be nice or anything when he gets on that track. But like all of us, he has his own Fiction Storyof His Life With Him as the Hero that he lives and functions in, and that fiction was limited by the science known at the time and the culture he was raised in, and his personal natal chart.
The fiction Storyies that I see the young men living now says incorporated the newer science of the interconnectedness of all, the web of life, and ideas and perspectives that for most older people are threatening scary wrong and smashes their small little world to pieces.

Until we really feel how hurting one living thing hurts everything and especially ourselves ......and loving and being kind to any living thing heals all things.....and that we all come from Love and are Love woven into matter the self abuse will continue. Because really....abusing others...insulting others...is really only self abuse and shows lack of self love and understanding.

[Jupiter Sets at Dawn]

My dad this morning instead of wanting to deal with his water issue and windows and real life pressing issues wanted to try and spend my time slamming our Vice President and some other females in authority.

If you want to stop this behavior, stop engaging when he starts up. Literally walk away. Go outside and do something out there for at least a half hour.

When you engage with him you are rewarding the behavior.

Since he's been rewarded for picking fights with you before, when it starts to work, he will try harder to fight with you about this. That's called an extinction burst. He doesn't want to change his behavior since it got him what he wanted before and it "ought" to work now.

If you engage with him when he escalates, you're teaching him if he goes at you harder how much harder he has to work to get your attention that way. So don't do it. Leave entirely if you have to to keep from rewarding his bad behavior.
Don't tell him that's what you are going to do or are doing. Just do it.

Reward good behavior with attention, time spent talking or something. This is real work, but it does work. If you have to go mow or something, plan an extra half hour giving him attention after. Share a meal or a snack.