Unraveling The The Negative Aspects of My Own Chart

[Venus_Daily]

I had an incident the day before yesterday that forced me to confront the negative traits I tend to express and how I do feel a contradiction in my own personality type. Growing up, I think I always notice that there were subtle clues that I am a bit of an elitist. In my late 20s, it did become way more pronounced as I became more conservative. After I challenge myself to move beyond the horrible stereotypes I hold, I feel just terrible.

I feel like one aspect of my personality is extremely harsh and spitfire that holds extremely conservative beliefs while there is another aspect that is highly sensitive, compassionate, and analytical. I think the highly sensitive and compassionate component comes from my moon making a close yet minor aspect to mercury while also making a mundane square to Venus. While the other conservative and non-caring component of my personality comes from having luminaries in Leo/Sag while also having an angular Mars/Uranus. I don't know if this is normal, but I've kind of been more at odds with it lately after working for a few months in an industry where diversity is almost everything.

[Jim Eshelman]

We're all made up of many parts.

I think the only think with which I'd disagree with you (astrologically) above is attributing Mars-Uranus to conservatism. It can be harsh and aggressive but doesn't tend to be conservative. It's rebellious against conventional standards. (The conservative worldview tends to be authoritarian; Mars-Uranus doesn't play well with authority <g>.)

But yes, your Sagittarius Moon in particular can feed the traits you're disliking while the Moon-Venus gives kindness. Leo also gives kindness, btw, and Sagittarius can be generous.

So much more one can say agreeing with you (and I've run out of time tonight). Please continue.

[mikestar13]

I would say Mars-Uranus does run counter to the the theme of caring.

[Veronica]

I had an incident the day before yesterday that forced me to confront the negative traits I tend to express and how I do feel a contradiction in my own personality type. Growing up, I think I always notice that there were subtle clues that I am a bit of an elitist. In my late 20s, it did become way more pronounced as I became more conservative. After I challenge myself to move beyond the horrible stereotypes I hold, I feel just terrible.
I feel like one aspect of my personality is extremely harsh and spitfire that holds extremely conservative beliefs while there is another aspect that is highly sensitive, compassionate, and analytical. I think the highly sensitive and compassionate component comes from my moon making a close yet minor aspect to mercury while also making a mundane square to Venus. While the other conservative and non-caring component of my personality comes from having luminaries in Leo/Sag while also having an angular Mars/Uranus. I don't know if this is normal, but I've kind of been more at odds with it lately after working for a few months in an industry where diversity is almost everything.

You work in a public healthcare facility if I remember correctly......in a large mid west city.
You are probably running into all walks of life, the poor, the well to do, and people of all colors and backgrounds, and are required to give stellar service to each and everyone regardless of thier packaging.

I commend you for even attempting to confront your biases and stereotypes, most people wouldn't and many may even use that type of work to solidify those ideas/use the situation to reinforce negative and false and outdated information and ideas about humanity and its place in life itself.
Keep doing it.
Keep challenging yourself everytime you think a limiting erroneous thought, everytime you push to help a hurting person even though parts of you feel uncomfortable doing it.
Healing those sorts of negative characteristics that were reinforced at one time, but no longer serve our greater good is vital work, the most important work a person can do.
It will make you feel terrible, it will make you really uncomfortable in ways you cant even imagine, but keep doing it.
It will get easier, and you wont feel terrible all the time, and you will help humanity as a whole get passed living in a Stereo world. Stereo sound seemed great at the time, but it is actually very limiting and not true.

[mikestar13]

A proverb I coined in the 1980's: "A**holes come in all races, religions, nationalities, genders, sexual preferences, and economic circumstances."

In health care it is very important not not to let patients who are a**holes know that you are aware that they are a**holes, perhaps particularly so with patients who are not straight white males. This dynamic may be unconsciously feeding your biases. It is very wise to examine your biases with a view to eliminating them as you are doing. Your doing so is testimony to your essential Venus fairness and compassion.

[Jim Eshelman]

I would say Mars-Uranus does run counter to the the theme of caring.

Yes, especially a Leo Sun square exact Mars-Uranus is a lot of "me first" and "my stuff matters." But otherwise it does tend to be antiauthoritarian (though quite willing to wield power and control themselves).

[Jim Eshelman]

Venus, I was thinking about Mike's comment that Mars-Uranus runs (by itself) contrary to the spirit of caring. (I would have phrased it more from the other side, that it puts the focus more on what you want first. This caused me to notice something I'd missed, that you collated your conservative side with your "harsh and spitfire" side, polarized against your sensitive, compassionate side.

I find this interesting, since harshness is not innately connected to conservatism (though exclusionary judgment often is; but they're not the same thing). This reminded how easy it is to label ourselves (or sides of ourselves) overly narrowly. It's actually quite interesting not only that you have these strong (your words) conservative vs. compassionate sides but that you have "organized" your self-labelling to combine insensitivity and harshness with the conservatism. (Early programming? Local culture in Texas?) That might be an interesting line of thought: an inquiry into the mystery of how these different pieces of yourself all wind together.

I also note that Veronica hit the main point right on the head, that it takes courage and other fine traits to take on this inquiry in the first place, analyzing and deconstructing your complex "wiring." I was in a rush when I first answered yesterday and forgot to say: Hey, good for you!

As I mentioned yesterday, we all have lots of parts. Some of them slide together easily, others fit together more awkwardly, and eventually we fund ways that work in our own lives for letting them coexist and interact. If you go planet by planet through your chart - say, using the Cosmic State report in TMSA - you see these mixed at almost every turn. All sorts of things, smaller and larger, intertwine (e.g., as a minor thing, having a background Moon is consistent with insensitivity, somewhat muted responsiveness to the vibe in your environment, while Moon square Venus increases the sensitivity).

This factor-by-factor digging could get quite complicated but probably interesting for a Mercury person like yourself. Just at a glance at the TMSA Cosmic State report, I note your Moon (after its close Sun and Mercury aspects) is divided between Saturn and Venus. Your noble Leo Sun has both narrowness and expansive generosity from partile aspects with Saturn and Jupiter before moving toward the other important aspects with Mars-Uranus and Moon (and a little Neptune). Your Venus has its strongest aspects quite nice, and only weak tinging by malefics. Your Mars is bold, strong, unencumbered, your Jupiter very strong and positively aspected, your Saturn more strained and a little uncomfortable. (I'm just skimming. Each of these is a separate adventure.)

With all of this, I think the biggest pieces are in your Sagittarius Moon and Leo Sun. If you want a practical avenue of diving into this - a checklist of things on which to reflect - I'd suggest working down the bullet points for your luminary signs. These may be helpful:
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34#p150
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=35#p159

[Venus_Daily]

Thank you all so much. It is hard to balance idealogy, personality, and feelings. It's easier for some who are for the most part in alignment. I think I still have a lot of growing to do, and I am looking forward to it.

[SteveS]

Venus wrote:

… while also having an angular Mars/Uranus.

Jim responded:

We're all made up of many parts.

So true Jim!!!
IMHO Venus, here is a very important part of your scope but only you know the true meanings for the actual true tones. I see glimpses of this part with your many posts over the years pertaining to some of your relationships, but you know better than me. You know I think direct midpoints are important for digging into the “many parts” of a Natal. You were born with a direct midpoint of Venus/MC = Mars = Uranus (0,25). Ebertin’s book “Combination of Stellar Influences” (COSI) offers tones about this combination as a possible challenging endeavor for objectives with relationships. I think you have COSI Venus, let me know what you think about COSI tones for this direct midpoint as being one of the “many parts” of your scope Venus. It helps us all learn. Thanks