Birth chart interpretation, trying to move forward

[vxllxrix]

Hi,
Can someone interpret my birth chart and give me some insight on why I’ve been struggling with, well, everything for the past 25 years? Any approx on how long I should expect it to go on? I’m moving in a couple weeks for uni - huge change for me as I've spent the last 10 years living as a hermit basically. It feels like a turning point and I don’t know if it’ll be for better or for worse. Scary in any case. Any input is really appreciated.

DOB: July 12, 1997, around 9:15 am according to my mom
Birth place: Trabzon, Turkey

[Jim Eshelman]

Welcome to Solunars! - From the nature of your question, I knew (without looking) that you either had Saturn close to an angle or in very close aspect to your Sun or Moon - and indeed, you have Saturn a mere 0°04' from exact square to your Sun.

It's not that Sun square Saturn means that you are doomed to a life of struggle. Rather, it means that you are unusually well-suited to handle struggles that come along and your psyche gets ego satisfaction from showing yourself and the world that you can handle things on your own. Sun-Saturn people are effective survivors and - as strange as this may seem about struggling - we all like to do what we naturally do best. You were born to be an effective survivor, self-sufficient, hardworking, and accomplishing. You'd rather be in charge of your own life than relying on others. You thrive on self-sufficiency.

Another thing about your chart is that you tend to be solitary. Yes, your Gemini Sun is happiest when there is another (a figurative "twin" or companion) prominent in your life; but your two strongest planets are Saturn (just discussed) and Pluto - which is precisely opposite your Midheaven. These two planets tend to be solitary, independent, and reflexively keep emotional distance between themselves and others (perhaps mostly to keep from being controlled). Your next strongest planet is Mars, closely conjunct your Moon: This means that you don't easily adapt to others' needs or wishes, that it's easier for you to compete than cooperate. (But, again, it gives you a sharp, strategic mind for competing: You are naturally equipped to struggle very well.)

You may want to read more details about your Gemini Sun and Virgo Moon to go with this:
https://www.solunars.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=35#p157
https://www.solunars.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34#p147

How long will it last? In one sense, all of your life: Again, you are made for this. What you need to do is find what is important enough to you that you will work hard for it and fight for it.

You don't say what your struggles have been. Perhaps they have been much more severe than I'm crediting and you need some sense of relief. (In that case, you need relief from the specific things that have been hindering you.) Without knowing the details, I think there's a good chance that you haven't yet found something for which you're willing to struggle hard enough. - Also, people with Pluto opposite Midheaven often have to separate from their native environment, even their native land or region, to open up their self-expression.

Another important feature of your chart is Mercury opposite Uranus 0°01' - essentially perfectly exact. This signals that you are enormously curious, love to be exposed to new things, think outside of the box. You should come alive at university.

Will you be relocating far from where you live? Let us know where you will be moving to go to school and we can offer some opinions on the geographical area.

As for what's ahead of you in the near future: The main transit of the next year is Uranus square your Jupiter. A new location, new interests, entirely new ways of thought and subjects to study should light up the best of you through the fall months in particular. Jupiter will be making important charts to your Moon, Mars, Sun, and Saturn. Definitely give the new setting a chance - wherever it is, the next step has a lot to offer you.

[Jim Eshelman]

Here are some notes on your Sidereal Natal Horoscope for your reference and study. They are not a full interpretation of your birth chart. Rather, they are building blocks from which a full interpretation can be built.

Each factor below contributes to your character. The paragraphs may repeat or contradict each other (we all have contradictions). While it does not take an astrologer to fuse these factors into a balanced picture of you and your life, it does require knowledge of human behavior and how we support and sabotage ourselves. Your astrologer can help you in this life-long undertaking of knowing yourself. Read these notes slowly: Feel your way through the interweaving ideas, reflecting on what you know of yourself.

Character is destiny. Who you are determines the life that is yours to unfold. “Know thyself” is the key.

The paragraphs are brief. We have sought to pack in everything essential, to use few words to imply much more. Not every phrase will apply, of course. Some will be more important than others; but the gist of each section should clearly reflect truth about you. When you have spent time with this and have new questions, consult your astrologer to discuss them.

ANGULAR PLANETS & FOREGROUND ASPECTS
Pluto on Antimeridian (0°10')
Need to live by their own rules (not others' rules or conventions). Social outsider (enjoys solitude), resists reflexively conforming to herd expectations (unique, eccentric, odd). Respectful of people (not systems). Kind, unthreatening, guileless (only rarely antisocial); innocent without naivete. Deeply affected by cruelty or injustice. Spiritually inquiring, questioning. Unrushed in emotional commitment. (If severely afflicted: cruel, unfeeling, inhuman.)
More detail: https://www.solunars.com/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=38#p191

MOON in VIRGO
Mentally sharp, observant, curious, fact-driven, analytical, erudite, strategic (too serious). Intuitive. Service, devoted, contributing. Respectful, expects respect. Reason wrestles with emotion (stubborn, moody, nervous, touchy, worrying). Innocent, naïve (subservient). Victimized (abuse, ridicule, betrayal). Courageous and forthright.
More detail: https://www.solunars.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34#p147

Moon conjunct Mars (1°28’)
Active and reactive, temperamental, thinks and acts rapidly. Detests idleness, rarely still. Driven, competent, ambitious. Impatient, acerbic, irritable. Frank and sharp-tongued (hence friction in close relationships). Needs physical, emotional, and mental “room to breathe” (little domestic instinct). Substance abuse not uncommon. Sexual needs strong, almost irrepressible (the women are often sexual firecrackers, notable for the speed and intensity of their climaxes).

Moon sextile Venus (3°33')
Attractive, charming, affectionate, sexual charisma, sensual. Passive-dependent, moody, can be blindsided by strong feelings, often preoccupied with whether they are liked.

SUN in GEMINI
Acute nervous system. Speed, rhythm, variety (dispersion). More reason than belief. Courageous. Rejects forced stratification. “What’s expected” often makes no sense to them. Play, youthful. Needs affection, connection; feels loneliness deeply, often alienated. Music, arts, business. Mechanical, technical.
More detail: https://www.solunars.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=35#p157

Sun square Saturn (0°04')
Effective survivors, self-sufficient, hardworking, accomplishing. Accustomed to work, few luxuries, preferring private, modest accommodations. Not always good control on strong impulses, but generally very good control of small and medium-sized ones. Authority (likely paternal) issues to overcome. Serious; enjoy deep subjects; yet few have so good a sense of humor. Childhood hardships common, circumstances force early maturation.

Sun octile Pluto (0°43')
“Law unto themselves.” No respect for arbitrary expectations. Antiauthoritarian, needs to be free from arbitrary, incompetent control. Comfortable as outsider; often seems aloof, unresponsive, but rarely harsh. Usually kind, “live and let live.”

MARS in VIRGO
Strategic, analytical, logical, calculating odds (often deceitful, covert, manipulative, game-playing). Very smart, curious, astute, eager to learn everything possible (intelligence is more accessible than feelings). Stands ready to assist, help, support. Substance abuse (alcoholics).

MERCURY in CANCER
Mind strongly influenced by feelings (romantic, subjective, infused with imagination). Writing style leverages imagery. Edits, modifies, and embellishes ideas, polishing and rehashing. Planners, organizers. Gives insightful counsel.

Mercury opposite Uranus (0°01')
Independent thinker. Curiosity and investigative spirit in most things. Mind unfettered by formality: solves problems and integrates data more intuitively. Rejects linearity, lacks rigor in learning. Many interests, diverse, often unusual (including astrology or occultism). Speech engages others’ attention, usually has something interesting to say; challenges convention or authority, dares to speak despite consequences. Gentle rebellious behavior (“bad boy”) seems rooted in, “Don’t tell me how to think.” Socially odd, but not unpopular for it.

VENUS in CANCER
Abundant feeling (heart rules head). Generous with affection, warm, nurturing (touching, holding). Needs to BE or HAVE a mother in relationships. Charming due to sexual charisma; requires adoration; loyal and devoted to friends. Home is an important sanctuary (appreciates luxury).

Venus opposite Jupiter (3°59')
Fundamentally social creatures. Warm, friendly, giving, hospitable, gracious (reigns over social events). Nearly always liked (great need to be liked, desires positive attention and appreciation more than most, usually gets it). At home in a fine lifestyle (or as celebrity, aristocrat, etc.). Indulgent in all oral pleasures, e.g., preparing and eating fine food. Usually has an easier time through life despite sometimes harsh starts (experience unusual luck or patronage), usually partner well. Inclination to extravagance, possible “spoiled brat” attitude (risk of mild narcissism).

OUTER PLANET ASPECTS
Jupiter sextile Saturn (0°20')
Practical, sensible. Responsible, conscientious, patient. Earns one’s own place. Balances gain and loss: what is won from losing, what it costs to win (politics, finance). Tuned to tradition, orthodoxies; cornerstones of their circles.

Saturn octile Pluto (1°54')
Resists outside control, needs autonomy. A solitary path comes naturally (partnership takes effort). Survivors: Great strength, self-reliance, and persistence in the face of hardship (stubborn, entrenched). Tough as nails but can become hardened, cut-off. Resent feeling that too much is put on them.

[vxllxrix]

Hi Jim, thank you so much for you reply!

Welcome to Solunars! - From the nature of your question, I knew (without looking) that you either had Saturn close to an angle or in very close aspect to your Sun or Moon - and indeed, you have Saturn a mere 0°04' from exact square to your Sun.

It's not that Sun square Saturn means that you are doomed to a life of struggle. Rather, it means that you are unusually well-suited to handle struggles that come along and your psyche gets ego satisfaction from showing yourself and the world that you can handle things on your own. Sun-Saturn people are effective survivors and - as strange as this may seem about struggling - we all like to do what we naturally do best. You were born to be an effective survivor, self-sufficient, hardworking, and accomplishing. You'd rather be in charge of your own life than relying on others. You thrive on self-sufficiency.

Hard not to feel doomed with such aspects. Funnily enough, self-sufficiency has been a big problem for me and it’s bothersome to say the least. I’m still very reliant on others for most things - even some very basic things - and it’s definitely one of the main things in my life I feel like I need to overcome. As to hardworking and accomplishing, let's just say I haven't quite grown into myself yet, if that makes any sense. I seem to be very slow-paced in life.

You don't say what your struggles have been. Perhaps they have been much more severe than I'm crediting and you need some sense of relief. (In that case, you need relief from the specific things that have been hindering you.) Without knowing the details, I think there's a good chance that you haven't yet found something for which you're willing to struggle hard enough. - Also, people with Pluto opposite Midheaven often have to separate from their native environment, even their native land or region, to open up their self-expression.

At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I feel like I’ve struggled with everything a person can struggle with to some extent. Growing up was never gonna be easy for me, I realize that now. The whole school routine felt like pointless torture even before the bullying started (I guess that would be Pluto?) but when you add in a toxic family environment, financial issues and a little later on existential struggles, well, no one’s gonna have a fun time with that. Again, I don’t mean to be dramatic, it is what it is.

I’ve been stationary for so long precisely because I didn’t know what that thing that’s worth the trouble was. I've been aimless for so long which led to a lot of wasted years. I’m still not 100% sure if I’m on the right track or if what I want is achievable for me, but it got me moving and that’s something, I guess. The uncertainty is giving me a hard time still. As to leaving this place, believe me, I know I have to.

Will you be relocating far from where you live? Let us know where you will be moving to go to school and we can offer some opinions on the geographical area.

As for what's ahead of you in the near future: The main transit of the next year is Uranus square your Jupiter. A new location, new interests, entirely new ways of thought and subjects to study should light up the best of you through the fall months in particular. Jupiter will be making important charts to your Moon, Mars, Sun, and Saturn. Definitely give the new setting a chance - wherever it is, the next step has a lot to offer you.

Unfortunately I don’t know where I’m going yet - only that I won’t be leaving the country. Should find out in about a week which gives me a couple days to move cities which is gonna be a lot of fun, I'm sure. Does location make a difference still? If so, I’ll let you know.

That's good to hear because it really feels like it's gonna go either great or horribly wrong. Thanks again for taking the time to write such a lengthy reply, I really appreciate it!

[Jim Eshelman]

It does get better. Especially when life has been rough, it's harder to think that things get better, but this does tend to happen as we take more control of our own lives.

At 25, it's natural to feel you are an adult and need to hold yourself to adult standards and expect adult rewards. Astrologically, adulthood is reached by age 30: The years 27-30, in particular, are important in bringing Saturn aspects of ourselves to full maturity because Saturn takes 29.5 years to go once around the zodiac.

Hard not to feel doomed with such aspects. Funnily enough, self-sufficiency has been a big problem for me and it’s bothersome to say the least. I’m still very reliant on others for most things - even some very basic things - and it’s definitely one of the main things in my life I feel like I need to overcome. As to hardworking and accomplishing, let's just say I haven't quite grown into myself yet, if that makes any sense. I seem to be very slow-paced in life.

On the issue of feeling "doomed," let me give you some examples (good, bad, and indifferent) of public figures who have close Sun-Saturn hard aspects like yours. Some came out badly, most came out really well; some had early life difficulties, most had much hardship for themselves and others to overcome. I think one can find much inspiration in most of these people - and it puts in perspective the sense of a lifetime of struggle by people who were equipped and made to effectively struggle:

• Pres. James Madison, Pres. Ulysses S. Grant, Pres. Warren G. Harding, Pres. Theodore Roosevelt, VP Dick Cheney, Emperor Franz Joseph, Chiang Kai-Shek, Czar Ivan the Terrible, Rep. Sonny Bono, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Eva Braun, Gov. George Wallace
• Oprah Winfrey, Whoopi Goldberg, Carole King, Gloria Estefan, Naomi Judd, Barbara Bain, Catherine Corsini, Charlie Sheen, Martin Sheen, Claudia Schiffer, Dakota Fanning, Dean Stockwell, Divine, Emma Watson, H.R. Giger, Hal Holbrook, Jane Fonda, Josephine Baker, Judith Butler, Lois Lowry, Salvador Dali, Sarah Bernhardt, Steve Allen, Uma Thurman
• Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Hans Christian Andersen, Washington Irving, Charles Baudelaire, Virginia Woolf, Philip K. Dick
• Elisabeth of the Trinity, Robert Graves, Franz Hartmann, Robert Anton Wilson, Raymond Buckland, Starhawk, Jimmy Hoffa, Lucky Luciano, John Wayne Bobbitt
• Alexander Fleming, Alexander Graham Bell, Dian Fossey, Havelock Ellis, Isaac Pitman, Gustave Eiffel
• Brig. R.C. Firebrace, Matthew Quellas, Joanne S. Clancy, Johann Muller (Regiomontanus)
• Charles Manson, James Holmes, Mark David Chapman, Helen Duncan

Unfortunately I don’t know where I’m going yet - only that I won’t be leaving the country. Should find out in about a week which gives me a couple days to move cities which is gonna be a lot of fun, I'm sure. Does location make a difference still? If so, I’ll let you know.

Yes, location matters. It matters or your birth chart (which takes on an additional layer as if you were born at the new location. It also affects predictive charts like your solar return (birthday chart for the year between two birthdays).

For example, at the moment you were born the planet Jupiter was on an angle (Descendant) from southern Italy, across the Alps and through Munich, across central Germany to about the German-Dutch border. Venus was on an angle through northern Sardegna, across the Italy-Swiss-France border near Lyon and Geneva, through Burgundy and across northern France, and along the entire eastern coast of Great Britain. If you lived along either of these lines, you would have a very different experience than at your birthplace. Venus (square MC) also is on a line of longitude (due north-south) from Albania, Serbia, Hungary, etc., and Jupiter angular on the longitude through Athens. Any place within 50 miles either side of these lines has these planets VERY strong. Anyplace within 150 miles has them strong.

[Danica]

Re Sun-Saturn aspect, as an example of it, I need to say that the formulation about this being an aspect of Nativity which "does best when there is struggle" may come as misleading; Saturn is not in any way inherently struggle-oriented - struggle as such is primarily a Mars phenomenon.

The Sun-Saturn depicts an inner immediate connection between what's the Vital-core of one's unique individuality in the world and the principle of defining/structuring/organizing (which in itself has the quality of limiting); what on the surface may appear as tendency-for-seeking-struggle, or excelling-within-conditions-of-struggle (especially within the context of modern culture, with its orientation toward personal immediate comfort , together with short-term attention span, among the "basic values" ...) is simply the tendency toward being-grounded-in-reality of Life in such way that this does not exclude (from one's own awareness, and activities) those aspects of it which are not own-immediate-comfort-based; or, in other words: the psyche does not automatically tend to be focused-on and drawn-toward solely/primarily those facets of experience and life that at-a-given-moment appear to be easy, requiring-the-least-effort, etc.

The Sun-Saturn person seeks a wholesome internal "grasp" of reality, without a default-tendency to avoid the exposure-to and experience of the harsh/heavy aspects of life; there's a pronounced capacity for patience, for being/existing in a self-organized manner, and a peculiar inner vital-awareness of the passage of time; it's not some "need-for-struggle", but it is these capacities that seek their expression.

[vxllxrix]

Thank you, Danica! I’ve been told so many times that I make things harder for myself than they need to be, that I only see the bad side of things, that I never let myself be happy etc. I’m indeed not trying to make life miserable for myself. It’s just that the positives and negatives don’t cancel each other out and well, I tend to focus on the negatives because that’s where improvements need to be made. I don’t put off enjoyment on purpose, I’m just often not capable of it when there’s something to be fixed - and of course there is always something to be fixed.

As for moving, looks like I'm headed to Antakya. I don't expect it'll make a big difference since it's a few hours drive from where I live currently. Just out of curiousity, where in the world would I have luck specifically with learning/studying? Would that be the Mercury/Uranus line for me?

[Jim Eshelman]

As for moving, looks like I'm headed to Antakya. I don't expect it'll make a big difference since it's a few hours drive from where I live currently. Just out of curiosity, where in the world would I have luck specifically with learning/studying? Would that be the Mercury/Uranus line for me?

You are right that Antakya, Turkey isn't far enough away to make a huge difference in your chart. You still have your natal chart no matter where in the world you go, though new locations can add something new. At most we could say that since your Pluto isn't quite as angular, the inner pressure to leave, get away, flee may not be as strong (once you have left, gotten away, and fled). Basically, it's the same.

The favorable areas I mentioned before are favorable for most activities except that they may make you feel less pressured to work, i.e., you might be more relaxed and enjoy leisure more. Venus, in particular, could make you want to play more. But, if you don't give up your natural discipline, it would benefit study as well.

Normally, yes, a Mercury line is good for study and education. The one thing to remember about your particular Mercury is that the exact opposition to Uranus means that you aren't very obedient in your thinking. This is a good trait, of course; except, in an academic environment it isn't always thought of as a good trait. (It's the old staple advice that before even the greatest geniuses can be unleashed to color outside the lines, they need to drill drill drill at coloring inside the lines.) You should assess this side of yourself and weigh it against what you can learn about schools you want along your Mercury-Uranus lines.

In Europe, your Mercury-Uranus lines fall across northern Spain and about the longitude of Munich (from Tuscany due north to about Oslo).

[Danica]

Putting the Mercury-Uranus to the fore, with your Sun-Gemini, Moon-Virgo personality, does sound like a very good choice.
In practice, though, it's more complex - from what I can see the astrological maps showing - locations that bring to the angles your Me-Ur also put into the foreground other chart factors, so at each of these, it isn't just the Me-Ur there, but you get a certain specific combination; nevertheless, you can "zero-in" on the Me-Ur itself, so that these two are partile (within 1 degree) on the angles, and with other present planets then only coming as "additional factors" (of different strength of expressivity, depending on how close by orb are they).

In New York, your Mercury is on IC, Uranus on MC, both very tight (Ur 03, Me 39' from the angle); and there is also Sedna, 1*17' from AC and Eris about 7*30' above AC.

In Pakxe, Laos, you get Uranus 13' from IC, Mercury 31' from MC, with the additional, wider presence of: Sedna DC (~7*), Neptune IC (~8*) and Venus MC (~9*).

Munich, Germany, focuses on Jupiter, which is 23' from DC, and has the Mercury-Uranus also very tightly present: Me 27' on EP, Ur 29' on WP; and together with these, there's Venus 4*26' on AC.

In Valencia, Spain, you get a very interesting combination:
Uranus 06' from DC, Mercury 37' from AC, Eris 20' on MC; and with these, the Sun is 2*00' on EPa, Saturn is 5*00' from IC, and Venus is 8*32' from AC.
-- this is not a location which would provide "comfort" in the contemporary culture's sense of that word, but it is a location which puts a clustering of the very core factors of your nativity directly to the fore.

[vxllxrix]

I didn’t know Eris or Sedna (or any other planet except the commonly used ones) had any considerable effects. Just looked at my birth chart again and I have strong Sun-Eris, Saturn-Eris and Venus-Sedna aspects (I think?). What might these mean, if anything?

Munich, Germany, focuses on Jupiter, which is 23' from DC, and has the Mercury-Uranus also very tightly present: Me 27' on EP, Ur 29' on WP; and together with these, there's Venus 4*26' on AC.

Looking at the travel map on Astrodienst, Münich is about 700 miles away from the Mercury/Uranus lines. Is this really considered tightly present or is the map not accurate? Just how far do influences of these lines go?

[Jim Eshelman]

I didn’t know Eris or Sedna (or any other planet except the commonly used ones) had any considerable effects. Just looked at my birth chart again and I have strong Sun-Eris, Saturn-Eris and Venus-Sedna aspects (I think?). What might these mean, if anything?

We've been watching these two for quite a while and are pretty solid on Eris' nature with perhaps a solid start on Sedna's nature. Here are my current "working interpretations" on your aspects:

Sun square Eris (0°42'). A disruptor to the established order and conditions (curious, trickster, mischievous): Open to outlier possibilities. Navigates chaos with practical advantage (leaving a wake of chaos: has little native resistance to disorder).

Saturn conjunct Eris (0°36'). Gains control of the uncertain (manages to control chaos). Inspires (clings to) certainty in times of uncertainty.

Venus square Sedna (1°14'). Gorgeous, sexy, libertine, charming, often with a wicked sense of humor. Visceral, powerfully feeling, wild and colorful imagination. Women are called to ancient, primal expressions of femininity while wielding significant public power. Men deeply enjoy women and may exude power as a pheromone.

Looking at the travel map on Astrodienst, Münich is about 700 miles away from the Mercury/Uranus lines. Is this really considered tightly present or is the map not accurate? Just how far do influences of these lines go?

I don't think they're wrong but something about that site confuses people with astro-mapping. (We get a lot of confused people through here that have looked there first.) 700 miles is way farther than the line: Perhaps the defaults you are using are wrong. Here is your chart for Munich:

12°41' Cap - Uranus
12°42' Can - Mercury
13°10' Ari - Munich MC

Mercury and Uranus square MC within half a degree, which is under 50 miles.

[vxllxrix]

Yeah, I'm definitely using it wrong and I don't even understand how. Probably not the place but can you recommend me some books/resources on the topic? And on the topic of natal astrology? I wanna get into it seriously but I have no clue where to start.

[Jim Eshelman]

Yeah, I'm definitely using it wrong and I don't even understand how. Probably not the place but can you recommend me some books/resources on the topic? And on the topic of natal astrology? I wanna get into it seriously but I have no clue where to start.

In a year or two, i plan to have finished the book to which I could refer you. There really isn't one I could recommend right now. Maybe this one by Kenneth Bowser, though it's really not as "start from the beginning" as I'd like:
https://www.amazon.com/Introduction-Wes ... ref=sr_1_1

Here are some PowerPoints (as PDFs) from my in-person Foundations of Natal Astrology course. It's not at all the same as a real course, but it might help orient you.
https://www.solunars.com/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=4709

There is nothing in print that's any good about locality astrology; but the good news is that you don't need it. It's just about knowing when the planets are on the angles. Programs like Solar Fire do this beautifully. Eventually the free TMSA software distributed here on Solunars will have tools for this.

Below, I'll post two Europe maps for you. The first is your birth chart showing planets on the horizon (Asc/Dsc) and meridian (MC/IC). The second will show the planets on Zenith-Nadir and Eastpoint-Westpoint, which happen to be the exact squares to Asc and MC respectively. (I'll remove the graphics later to save storage space.)

[Jim Eshelman]

Map1.gif

Map2.gif

[vxllxrix]

Will check them out, thank you!

[Vivek]

Hello
Your moon is in virgo with mars and aspected by saturn often creates a hermit personality. You are struggling since long with yourself because you are very much impulsive and your equation with others imbalance quickly.
You are moving for uni - good time - move ahead.
Your heart will continue to wander till saturn enters aries, around oct 2025.
Suggestion meet a behaviour therapist at earliest.
Good luck!