Solunars by Aldebaran Sidereal Academy

I am writing this only for astrological purposes for others to learn from. It is not a cry out for anything at all, so please don't give me pity

My natal chart is going through a lot of turmoil and I can so clearly see/feel how the energies shifted to totally opposites from last year. I have become seasoned/experienced in the ups and downs of life, so it isn't new to me.

I tried to resist and pushed against the heaviness in the start (a few months back), and when it starts I sometimes just zone out and try to stay in a state of limbo/numbness - but when it goes on for so long (many months) I sometimes give in and just break from the pressure of heaviness or sometimes just the total lack of joy/happiness.

Since this is to describe feelings brought about by planetary energies and chemical imbalances (in my belief), I surrendered into the heaviness and I put on this song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIF4_Sm-rgQ) to just allow myself to surrender and use help to bring out the tears (usually I resist crying). This song by Jeff Buckley is one that just deeply enters my deepest feelings. The Sound of Silence is another one (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgTaIOoXr3s) and Famous Blue Raincoat also brings out tears almost every time I hear it, I just feel the deep pain from that musician.

So, let's focus on the astrology that is bringing this about this time around.
Moon-Saturn, Moon-Pluto & Pluto Saturn.
Moon-Saturn in the SSR opposing n. Saturn. This is not angular in the SSR, but it is angular if you use the tropical SR. (I don't need the debate though, it's just an observation). Tropical SR shows Saturn partile SR MC and SR Moon partile opp n. Saturn. The sidereal SR just has the Moon-Saturn conjunction, but not near any angles. The sidereal SR is not descriptive of anything at all... it is not turning out in any way you would expect to see Sun, Mars and Uranus on the angles.
Progressed Moon is partile quinc n. Saturn now. (again, just an observation, I don't feel like debating the aspect).

Moon-Pluto
SSR Pluto is partile n. MC and it trines n. Moon. Progr. Moon is now partile SSR Pluto and has been around transiting Pluto for a while.

Saturn & Pluto
As stated above, transiting Pluto is around my n. MC and trining n. Moon. Tr. Saturn has also been around my n. DSC and is travelling back and forth there for a while. These transits around my natal angles are not going to be over until 2020, when the planets will continue and travel over my relocated angles (if I will still be in Edinburgh) and it won't be over until 2025 with Pluto (although I think Pluto alone is very different than Moon-Pluto and Saturn-Pluto).

These energies are then fortified/strengthened by the relocated angularity of Pluto and Neptune, which I think is a deeper meaning/truth seeking/discovering aspect. What it is bringing out is a search for alternative medicine and truth of life/universe.

So this time around, it isn't just one thing, it is a combination of VERY HEAVY energies.
So what is happening in life and the psyche?
Well, not only did my grandmother and my partner's grandfather die, but those deaths were followed by other deaths, two of which are brutal murders of two very good human beings connected to either friends or family members. A son of a friend went missing in action in Syria and is most likely dead. Another was brutally murdered by his drunk brother. A young man (around 40) who is my friend's husband was hospitalised in critical condition with liver failure.
Then there is the DNA search, my father is trying to find a DNA match to bring out the truth about who is his father. The first test has turned out negative, so the search continues. But this is not a negative point, just a truth-seeking point.
In the psyche there is turmoil. It started out numb, just with a lack of joy and withdrawing from my studies. I still kept afloat and kept meeting with people but noticing the lack of deep connections. Now this is escalating into a feeling of not wanting to be around, not wanting to be in communication/touch with people, not wanting my partner to have to go through all these ups and heavy downs with me, not wanting my children to have a mother with depression...to the point that I truly believe that maybe it would be better if I am not around and a new love/person can enter their lives and bring more joy to them. I am wondering why bother about this life, what is the point really when your life won't really matter much and when you are not even capable of feeling joy. I don't even feel like organising our holidays for the summer, I don't even care much about travelling or going anywhere (unusual for me since I love travelling).

Once again I am forced to be thinking about what I would really like to do with my life and how to use it before it's over. This might turn into a positive energy after all the heaviness, especially IF I find the strength to go through it all and come out with a plan of action. But there is a big IF there.

Arena wrote:

So this time around, it isn't just one thing, it is a combination of VERY HEAVY energies.

Indeed Arena, I understand. When heavy energies pile-up on you from long-term malefic astro cycles, there is not much you can do but accept the fact that TIME is not harmonious for you now. You have to use the approach you did with your Mars transits you posted about yesterday, recognizing it is TIME to feel the way you do and mentally prepare for the TIME ahead for you,(Timing is everything). You can only use your Mind in the best positive ways possible over the fact of the negative cycles which you know is timing the negativity you feel. You are dealing with personal timing laws of nature and you have to find positive ways to help counter & survive through the long-term negative astro cycles. Usually there will always be some positive short-term transits/lunar returns which helps get you through the long term negative cycles. FWIW, when I feel down and out with depressed astro cycles, I counter with lots of exercise and sunshine—long hikes/bike rides in beautiful wooded areas or nears the seas. You want to find places in outdoors nature which are super-charged with lots of negative-ions which are very healthy and helps us sleep better for plenty of rest. Arena, it’s the people out there who don’t understand their negative astro cycles like we do that succumb to their negative long-term astro cycles. You just have to muster all your mental strength and get through the length of malefic TIMES--back to the benefic TIMES.

Thank you both for your thoughts.
Yesterday I surrendered to tears for five hours. I don't know why, but it seemed almost like a conscious decision to just give in to the heaviness (maybe it's just the timing of the astrological energies that brought it out)... but then I bumped into this video about genetic memory (https://www.facebook.com/ScienceNatureP ... 594855362/) when I was asking myself why I was feeling so low, because I don't get it sometimes. Then later in the evening, when my partner came home and I did not tell him anything about that at all, he got frustrated with my apathy and depression and brought up the possibility of separation again. When I told him how my day was and that I could simply not handle anymore in that one day and just asked him to get back to me on that separation when he was ready to tell the kids about it, he backed off. I think that I am being helped by Jupiters opposition to my Moon to deal with what is going on.

Steve, you are right that it is indeed about timing and that now I need to use my astrological knowledge to see a light at the end of the tunnel that I am currently walking through. And yes, connecting to nature may help in these dark moments.

Danica, thanks for pointing out the possible force of Sun, Mars and Uranus - I must say that I hope you are right that the SSR with Sun, Mars and Uranus will eventually help me find the energy levels to push through in discovering the changes I need now.

However, I must say that I do not at this point in time feel those SSR energies ... I feel it as much heavier but transforming energies of Pluto and Saturn - at least according to this forum's descriptions:

PLUTO aspecting Natal MOON
Powerful emotional changes are occurring in you. Primarily this marks a psychological purgation, rousing then cleansing long-stored emotional tensions. Though possibly uncomfortable at the time, perhaps inclining you to a more compulsive, reactive way of being, the result is usually a refreshing sense of liberty and new control over one's life. Freedom, in fact, is something very important to you now, showing in rebellion or an urge to "get away from it all." Relationships and domestic circumstances may go through major changes. Remember, though, that these only reflect your inner turmoil and priority shifts. An excellent time for psychotherapy or any other conscious delving into your psychological roots.
IN BRIEF: Major emotional changes. Shifts in close relationships and domestic conditions. Rebellion, need to break from others’ control. Separation or aloofness. Inner (psychological) transformation.

PLUTO aspecting Natal SATURN
Though generally difficult, this pair is great for concentrated effort. Both its difficult and productive sides result from a tendency to shoulder obligations by oneself, and the breakdown of old, outgrown patterns [breakthrough!]. Security may seem threatened as established, inflexible elements of your life are challenged. Financial strain or other loss is possible, and a sense of invaded territory, if you stubbornly cling to the status quo in the face of your evolution. Outmoded behavior and attitudes can be discarded if you are willing to redesign the basis of your personality. Feelings of isolation vanish if you open yourself to others' experience of life. Give yourself more play time right now - the change will do you and those you love a world of good! [Edited 6/10/12]
IN BRIEF: Breaking down old structures and outmoded patterns. Security may seem threatened as stable resources are challenged. Chance to restructure the basis of life more dynamically. Work-oriented, obstinate; benefits from play and social sharing.

PLUTO conjunct Natal MIDHEAVEN
A dramatic transformation occurs in your life. Your innermost sense of who you are and why you are on this planet is the focus of this reconstruction. Career changes are possible, as your life-purpose assumes a new subjective clarity. It may seem some force much greater than yourself is moving you, remolding your life, as the only thing that could ever really be called you takes a guiding hand in your destiny. You are more resistant to others' arbitrary rules and expectations. Difficult confrontations with authority is possible as you assume more power over your affairs. Possibly feeling alienated from an irrational society, your reputation, rank and other outer tokens of your identity in the community change. Almost certain to come under others' scrutiny, you stand capable of unprecedented achievement and contribution.
IN BRIEF: Transformation. Life-purpose gains new clarity. You assume more power over your life. May feel alienated from an irrational society. Reputation, rank, career and other outer tokens of identity change. Capable of unprecedented contribution.

SATURN opposite Natal ASCENDANT
Personal relationships, and partnerships or alliance of all types, now require extra attention. Areas of incompatibility or unwillingness to cooperate are emphasized. Accumulated grievances may raise their heads. What is being highlighted is your own unwillingness to drop barriers between yourself and others; that is, the stubbornness of your ego. Solid, secure relationships are not taxed as severely as shaky ones, especially if both parties are fairly satisfied with whatever routine patterns have been established. In fact, strong committed relationships now can be established or secured, especially if you share a work-bond or major goal that you are both pursuing.
IN BRIEF: Relationships require extra attention. Incompatibility or unwillingness to cooperate is emphasized. Accumulated grievances raise their heads. Be more willing to drop barriers between yourself and others. Solid relationships are not taxed as badly as shaky ones; and committed partnerships may now be secured.

As some of you know I am exploring paths of healing that I never even thought about or had any clue about before (microdosing). My business partner is a shaman, practising healing and connection to spirits of nature, trained by indigenous people from the Amazon. He has offered me a shamanic journey several times, and yesterday I finally said yes, why not try it. It feels almost like another/new dimension is being opened up for me to get better and I can only hope that it will turn out as a benefic journey. I keep my mind open to alternative ways and I feel like bringing Pluto and Neptune to the angles by relocating and meeting with my business partner was destined ...it somehow has an undercurrent of a path to something bigger/different (that I still don't know but am opening up to) and that is the hope I carry with me now.

Arena wrote:

My business partner is a shaman, practicing healing and connection to spirits of nature, trained by indigenous people from the Amazon. He has offered me a shamanic journey several times, and yesterday I finally said yes, why not try it.

I am very interested in hearing from you about this healing practice.

Alright Steve, I will keep you posted about my experiences. It seems like my first shamanic journey will be next Wednesday

I am feeling better today. It is strange when those peaks in darkness come over me sometimes and then it gets a bit better within days. So within the depression, there are still some ups and downs, some kind of calms after the biggest storms.

I am not a person of traditional religion, I actually resent the traditional religions with all their "churches" and "priests" that abuse their positions to abuse and opress other people in a very violent and hateful manner.

I spoke about my belief system with my business partner the other day and we totally resonate in our beliefs and he told me that it is the same description that shamans and indigenous people all around the world give. In my case I didn't learn it or hear it from others, I made it up for myself as my own truth. I think I may need to look more into that and rely on those beliefs in the coming months while going through this heavy period. Yesterday I asked the Universal energies to help me through this. I told the Universe about my intentions with microdosing and asked it to make it work for me.
Then after I had shared the short video about genetic memory that felt like it was "a sign"/"an answer" with my business partner/shaman, he sent me books to study before we will do our first shamanic journey and I listened to the first one last night. For anyone interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_ywxY4s-2E
I've never been totally sure about reincarnation, even though I've already done two past life regressions in hypnosis in the past. But I have made a very conscious decision to just keep my mind and soul open to what the Universe brings me now and listen to it all without necessarily having to apply my logic and limited knowledge.

Today I give my deepest gratitude to all those people who have the gift of music in their genes and the ability to bring it to the world and to me. I also give gratitude to the spring that has arrived in all it's glory. I enjoy seeing the leaves grow on the trees all around me in this green city and all the amazing flowers that I appreciate so much.

Arena wrote:

Alright Steve, I will keep you posted about my experiences. It seems like my first shamanic journey will be next Wednesday

Arena wrote:

I've never been totally sure about reincarnation, even though I've already done two past life regressions in hypnosis in the past.

My wife tried a regression session once in Chicago but was unable to be hypnotized, she was very disappointed. I do believe like Cyril Fagan, the Ancient Egyptian Priests (for lack of better word) had this hypnosis down to an art form but used children instead of adults before their pure psyches was corrupted with too much everyday living consciousness---in order to gain much universal knowledge—particularly with pure manifested mundane knowledge about the Planets. But it really doesn’t matter where/when this astrological knowledge originated, we know it is there/here.
Arena wrote:

Today I give my deepest gratitude to all those people who have the gift of music in their genes and the ability to bring it to the world and to me. I also give gratitude to the spring that has arrived in all it's glory. I enjoy seeing the leaves grow on the trees all around me in this green city and all the amazing flowers that I appreciate so much.

I know what you mean Arena. I have always looked upon today's musicians as the best magicians because they have so much transformative effect on my inner being/astrological soul. And yesterday I commented to my wife our front year was the greenest I have ever seen with all the rain we have had this past winter and early spring. It (front yard) was like a painting by an artist—I had to sit down and absorb the bright green color of the nature before my eyes—very vivid. Also, for the first time in years, we have had lots of Irises flowers bloom from the green petal stalks of the Irises which come out every spring. It is a complete mystery of nature herself WHY the purple Irises flower itself decided to bloom this year vs the other dormant years--also very vivid/striking. Outdoor Nature has a potent healing effect on many levels if you take the time to absorb.

*Just remembered something: This past winter I did a through weeding of the area where all our Irises plants are planted. It has been years since I have done this kind of weeding--probably the reason I am seeing all the Irises flowers bloom. They are just coming out to say 'thank you' Steve--'see how beautiful we are'

It is in those moments of intent to appreciate with gratitude, that it just feels/seems so amazing.
Those Irises decided to show you some appreciation back for your care.

I can see that these heavy Saturn and Pluto energies are going to be with me and my partner for a while.
His progressions are showing his pr. Sun conjunct pr. Pluto and pr. Saturn is just within 2° behind, partile his n. Pluto and they are followed by his pr. Venus that is about to conjunct that Saturn/Pluto.
It must be noted though that we did get engaged when that pr. Venus was right on his n. Saturn. So maybe this seriousness to Venus is not all that horrible, but with the transiting Neptune coming to his natal DSC as well during this same time, it just seems a bit scary.

My chart is going to have another "hit" of Saturn on DSC and Pluto on MC in the fall and before the end of this year and I would not be surprised to see another death or a possible separation being a recurring theme for a couple of years. This hit is going to be followed by Saturn transiting back and forth over my n. MC and then the conjunction of the two of them on my nodes and relocated angle. These are not pleasant times.

As you said Steve, I need to find times or places where I can get the help from benefics like Jupiter or Venus to possibly come out in better shape through this turmoil. Next SSR 2018 in Edinburgh shows the pair of Saturn and Pluto on natal angles again! SSR Saturn close to SSR ASC and luckily a bit of help from Jupe near MC and Mercury squares MC. 2019 has SSR angles on my n. Venus - Jupiter and the Sun is close to IC ...but SSR Moon is trine Pluto and will conjunct n. Pluto that year. I guess, luckily again, I am blessed by Jupiter's help with his aspect on to my Sun and n. Moon during that SSR.

Saturn is back and forth acting on all the personal planets in my son's chart. Neptune is on his IC while his pr. IC is on his Uranus. My daughters Moon is also being squared by Saturn which will then retrograde back to her n. Pluto-Mars-Mercury-Node conjunction while tr. Pluto will square her n. ASC. My oldest son has the nodes in the same place as mine, so he will soon have Saturn&Pluto there as well. This is a tragedy in the making. We are soon to experience another death.

I checked their SSRs for the coming years.
My younger son has Pluto on SSR MC and both Mars & Saturn around his n. Pluto this year. 2019 SSR shows Uranus conj. SSR MC and trine his n. Pluto. SSR Moon close to n. Pluto and then SSR DSC partile n. Jupiter. He is going to move or travel extensively that year. ...which might make his 2020 SSR irrelevant, but that one has some HEAVY energies on SSR IC where Jupiter, Pluto, Mars and Saturn are clustered. 2020 also has HEAVY energies for my daugther if in Edinburgh, with Pluto, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Mars showing up on SSR and natal angles. I think I will stop now and take a rest from this.

Arena, if I could find my lost magic wand—believe me I would wave it and lift the burdensome weight of Saturn-Pluto off your shoulders. We can’t make our malefic TIMES go away—we have to tough them out with our consciousness to better TIMES.

Take a pen and paper and write out the positive + in Ebertin's COSI for Saturn-Pluto, and keep close to you. When the weight becomes unbearable take out and read.

SteveS wrote: Thu Apr 26, 2018 4:45 pm Arena, if I could find my lost magic wand—believe me I would wave it and lift the burdensome weight of Saturn-Pluto off your shoulders. We can’t make our malefic TIMES go away—we have to tough them out with our consciousness to better TIMES.

Take a pen and paper and write out the positive + in Ebertin's COSI for Saturn-Pluto, and keep close to you. When the weight becomes unbearable take out and read.

Thank you Steve for your empathy. I wish I had a magic wand as well
Thank you for reminding me of COSI. It was lying in my drawer and I hadn't looked at this aspect for a very long time. I did what you suggested, I just wrote it down on paper and will keep it in my bedside drawer. There are a few peaks of this darkness ahead of me now, so I will remember to read it.
Ebertin is simply a genius imo. Thanks again.

From COSI about Saturn-Pluto + probable manifestations:

Hard struggling for success, the participation in achievements brought about by large groups or masses of people, the pursuit of difficult work or of painstaking and thorough research in seclusion. The process of growing spiritually and mentally, silent activity.

I won't write the negative possibles here, but I will write what Ebertin has to say when Moon enters the picture with those two, since both my n. Moon, progressed Moon and SSR Moon are all getting "hit" by these two planets.

A melancholy person a coldness of feeling of frigidity, abstemiousness. - The tragic destiny of a woman.

In just 6 months I've now witnessed "the tragic destiny" of five women around me, two of them being out of the ordinary, horrifically tragic. The other three more of the natural cycle of life, death in old age.

Ebertin also hits the spot by his words melancholy, frigidity and abstemiousness when it comes to myself.
I did a horrible mistake and had a mirena coil put into me in November. It releases hormones into the body and I am not used to use that kind of contraceptive. It totally turned off my libido/sex drive so it has affected my relationship. I just had it removed last week. I believe it has also contributed to the melancholy feelings with adding even more to my chemical imbalance in my body. The abstemiousness is also very true. I've been researching fasting and autophagy (please look up it's benefits) and I've been doing regular fasts since last summer. I do this in order to help my body cope and to prevent disease (cancer). I've also suggested very strongly to my partner that we keep alcohol assumption to the minimum, and only have a drink in social circumstances, but even then, just very little. This has not been successful yet, we have been too casual about an occasional drink. But my neighbour's hysteria and pain coming out while she is drinking (and I am sometimes having a glass with her) triggers this desire to abstinance in me, to stay away from it - sometimes it seems like pure poison in people's lives. So I just took this issue up with my partner again this week and told him I don't want this destructive force in my life and we both agreed to keep all alcohold locked away in our living room cabinet and I hold the keys to it. So we agreed that we want to minimize alcohol in our lives and I also decided that I am not going to be around my neighbour when she has had more than two drinks. She simply gets out of hand and she has not yet come to a point where she is ready to give it up and face how destructive it is in her life, in her marriage and motherhood as well as in her own psyche.

Ebertin simply gets things so right in his book, I recommend to all readers to get online to buy their copy.

Arena/ Danica, I don’t necessarily agree with all of Ebertin’s midpoint (pages on the right-hand side of book) delineations involving Pluto, but as a whole his book ‘Combinations of Stellar Influences’ has been a tremendous help for me in my life when faced with tough malefic planetary cycles or understanding malefic aspects in my Natal Chart. Arena, Ebertin believed every two-planet combo (pages on the left) in his book presented possibilities for negative or positive psychological manifestations. The key here being the word ‘psychological.’ I found it always helped me when I felt I was swinging to the polarity of negative ‘psychological’ mental thoughts to get his book out and read the positive ‘psychological’ meanings. This always helped me to balance my psychological mental polarity simply by repeatedly reading the positive psychologies of a planetary combo in COSI. Its only with our mind (mental thoughts) we sometimes have a choice in a life matter. Arena, I see you making good positive choices with the negative time cycles occurring in your life, this is all we can do, we do our best to cope with our negative planetary time cycles. Thanks for informing about the hormonal imbalances you have been experiencing. Women’s hormonal issues always make it much tougher for women, but bottom line: even though women are normally more emotional than men-- women are mentally tougher than men.

Yes, I did make my handwritten note about both the + psychological correspondence, as he calls it, and also the + probable manifestations.

For those readers that don't have the COSI book and would like to know what Steve is referring to, here is a quote of what Ebertin has to say about positive psychological correspondence when it comes to Saturn-Pluto:

Tenacity and toughness, endurance, the capability to make record efforts of the highest possible order, the ability to perform the most difficult work with extreme self-discipline, self-denial and renunciation.
-Magicians and adepts.

It seems like the day I started this thread was the absolut low of this long period of depression. I don't know why it was that day. A lot of emotional tension was let out and then it is more quiet and back to normal now.

I am going to do my first shamanic journey on Friday and on Monday I am going to meet a fellow human being who is also experimenting with micro-dosing and I am actually looking forward to both. I think that finally I may be seeing the good effects of micro-dosing. These alternative methods fascinate me now.

Glad things are going a bit better.

Yesterday I did my first shamanic journey.
It was full of images and colourful. Very interesting experience.
I loved my animal spirits, a butterfly and a squirrel and their messages were interesting.

Today I feel calm and I feel gratitude for nature and the universal energies that are all around us but we don't necessarily see.

The Saturn&Pluto period and the newfound Pluto&Neptune relocated planets are surely bringing about transformation, an exploration into new realms/dimensions and a lot of my own research in solitude

Arena wrote:

The Saturn&Pluto period and the newfound Pluto&Neptune relocated planets are surely bringing about transformation, an exploration into new realms/dimensions and a lot of my own research in solitude

Exactly! A tremendous amount of Pluto cycles happening in your life. I think you are wise to explore shamanic journeys to help you better understand the tremendous transformations occurring in your life.