Veronica wrote:Sat Nov 11, 2023 12:33 pm
Hiya!!
Happy Saturday
I'm trying to post and I get the message I am blacklisted bc of my isbn. I'm at work right now (Nazareth University) and maybe I need you to ok this message??
I tried to write to the list last week to give a little background about what has been going on with me these past few months, and why I needed some time offline …..and I tell you…..it just all sounded so stupid and self-centered and lot of blah blah blah can you believe what happened to me, this was a blessing and this was a curse and yadayadayada….dum dum dum…..Saturn has been transiting my Sun and the teacher wanted me to sit down and be quiet and listen, so I did, and when I try to talk about it, to write about it, it just sounded wrong, dum, a skeleton with no flesh. So, I am trying again with another way. But I have trouble with communicating. It is so hard for me to talk sometimes. I get scared and worried and have so many doubts about what I want to say and express. I talk about weird stuff and people think I’m stupid and out of my mind and are very judgmental of me. I tried to remind myself yesterday that I do have an undiagnosed learning disorder, that I am autistic in many ways, and that I just hide it and mask it and pretend that I am normal so that no one knows how I really am. I think about Hitler and killing all those other people with learning disabilities, and I am genuinely afraid to stand up and say, yes I have trouble and struggle even though I look fairly normal on the outside I am a huge mess inside. BUT I know that there are so many others out there who ride the short bus too, and they can’t hide or mask their struggles like I can and that I need to be able to say you are not alone, I am here and will sit with you and listen to you and help you try and get your words and ideas out too.
The reason that I think it is dum for me to say what has been going on is that, for those of you who know astrology and transits and returns, all you need to do is to look at my charts and there you have it. My charts show the pains and surprises and joys and excitements and sorrows and sadness and the trying times and the crazy unusually weird things that go on around me. That’s my life. It is all there so plainly in Sidereal Charts. I have such extremes in my life, I can be bursting with joy and loving life like a fool by a simple visit by a butterfly that I feel like I won the Powerball, or when I had a smashed windshield, it was like hells gates have opened and swallowed up all my hope. In reflecting on my past SSRs and Lunar returns and going over my diary entries for my life events and such I really feel strongly that I live in some sort of weird Groundhog Day sort of life where basically everything everyday is the same, is just my interpretation and choices that determine the exact nature of the expression. I’m not sure if I am explaining this correctly and I don’t know if this is true for other people at other moments of space/time, but it feels that way for me.
These past few months have strengthened my data that the events in our lives and our experiences of them are clearly expressed in our charts if one takes the time to look at them. I have become convinced that our true natal charts show the truth of our lives, that our charts show the nouns and verbs and adverbs and adjectives and yes even pronouns and prepositions. I strongly feel that Sidereal Astrology is Truth and that the reason that it is not popular, and mainstream is that the liars, cheaters and criminals of the world do not want the truth exposed. They are afraid (rightfully) that they will be condemned and persecuted, instead of understood and having their needs met. It is a curious thing to me that with now over 6 decades of serious data collection and examination that Sidereal astrology is pretty much unheard of in all arts and sciences.
I am going to share the blessed news that I was hired by a beautiful University Library and that I have been able to get my hands on ALL the Sidereal Books. Jim that artist sketch of you on your book seriously caught me off guard, as cliche as it sounds…. wow what a handsome devil!! I am also going to just say it now out loud….I have made copy’s for myself to have and hold on to forever…copyright be damned, if I’m going to break the law it will be for making photocopies of books I need that I can’t afford to buy. ….I have read most of all of them so far, as well as a beautiful story called the Music of the Spheres which walked me star by star through the sky tell me story upon story of glorious things that have happened. After reading these books I went back to and reread the First Creation Story, the Enuma Elis. Lo and behold if I didn’t see the whole story as the progression of the equinoxes and the parade of the Zodiac and constellations, and even the changing of the polestar of not only our home, but possibly information regarding the changing of the polestars for the other planets and how this change could be interpreted mythologically and cosmologically with the archetypes of the stars, and comparing what is known about stars today to the mythologies of old and how weirdly our ancestors seemed to know about qualities that modern science is claiming as a knew understanding. My interpretation of that story was totally different now that I have studied Sidereal Astrology.
So I don’t want to get into the horrors of this past summer, I’m moving forward and doing my best to stay healthy and positive and generally a very nice person all around. In spite of what other say about me, I actually am one of the nicest people on the planet, I am not stupid in most important things and I am totally fine being stupid about the unimportant things.
Recently (2 weeks ago) I feel as if I have gotten some most excellent closure on a long bothersome family issue. It may not seem like much to some of you, but I had been told that my maternal grandfather was a real SOB, so much so that he abused and mistreated his family so much that my grandmother fled London and came to America because she didn’t feel moving anywhere in Europe was far enough away and that they would be found and bothered if they didn’t leave the country.
I never really want to believe that anyone is a real SOB, and I have been able to use astrology to look into charts of people who society calls SOBs and see why and what is going on with transits and what not. Unfortunately my mother wouldn’t even tell me his name and it has taken me quite a bit of poking and prodding and digging but I would like to share that my grandfather was born August 18, 1897. Unfortunately I am not sure yet if he was born in London, or in France so I will not be able to tell his moon sign or angles. I also found out that he lied to the Marines and enlisted in the service while he was only 17, but that he was born 1897 not 1896. From the looks of his chart he had a little bit of an anger issue (he was only 5’5” which explains a lot to me on why he would beat up my gramma who was only like 4’10”). I cant really explain why just having this date feels so empowering and liberating to me, except that I feel like I can fully believe that he was a Jerk with a capitol J after WW1 and increasingly became more so as time went on and that my gramma tried everything to make it work but just had to get my mom out of the country and away so that maybe she could start over and make a life and have a better chance of a healthy family then she could if she stayed in England/Europe.
I had a horrible thing happen over the summer in which I had my phone stolen and it has not been right ever since I got it back. I don’t trust that I am not being spied on, and I am severally creeped out by algorithms overhearing my keystrokes and conversations to offer me a deal at Walmart on tissue paper to wipe my tears, if you get my drift. I try to stay of line as much as possible, reading real University books (OMG IM IN BOOK HEAVEN) and listening to happy music and doing jigsaw puzzles, being available for the kids and spending lots and lots of loving quality time with my pup Patrick and the bird Loki (who had some very weird charts this year and weird expressions as well).
Today is Veterans day in America and I would like to say to everyone everywhere Thank you for your service to the universe and for being you and for all that you do. In another place and time people like me would be executed for our poor genes or burned at the stake for our peculiarities, they still are in some parts of the world and I just cant sit down and shut up much longer while bullies and brutes are calling the shots.